Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

...When Sinking Your Opponent's Battleship

Teenage to friends: My dad says it's only gay if you make eye contact.

Lacomb, Oregon

Overheard by: lalenalynn

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Well, I Got a Lap Dance in the Buffet Line

Girl one: Smell my face. Smell right here. Doesn't it smell great? The stripper I got a lap dance from was wearing great perfume.
Girl two: It smells like pickles.

Toby Keith's Restaurant
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: At least it doesn't smell like tuna

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Which Is Virtually Indistinguishable from His Singing

Chick on cell: David Hasselhoff just brushed past me. Mooing.

Coachella Music Festival
Indio, California

Overheard by: Brokeass Harem

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Instead, I'll Discuss Your Pain With This Complete Stranger

Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn't have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How's your butt feel? Ha! I haven't even told my friends about that yet!

Richmond, Virginia

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Stop Eating the Foil Containers, You Tard

Roommate: I don't eat leftovers. They make my throat hurt.

Brandon
Manitoba
Canadia

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Anybody Have Any Bread?

(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it's April 1st) Haha... His consumption smells like raspberries.

Colorado University, Boulder

Overheard by: In the back of the classroom

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Did You Know You Have No Lubrication Back There?

Girl: Sorry about the chafing. My butt still hurts when I poo.
Boy: [Makes sad face.]
Girl: From your surprise. I don't like your surprises.
Boy: It surprised me too!

Boston, Massachusetts

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Sorry, Just Taking My Neuroses for a Walk

Professor: And this means that... [Looks at two students in the second row wearing striped shirts.] I just noticed that you two are matching! Wow! Anyway, this means that... [Sees another student farther back.] You too! [Stands back, eyes class suspiciously.] That's almost too much of a coincidence.

Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia

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I Have... a Drinking Problem

Obscenely tall man: I'm sorry. This is really random, but I was just drinking a milkshake. And... I think I spilled some on my head. Can you check it out for me?

University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia

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According to Our Bible --the Josie and the Pussycats Movie

Tween girl #1: Oh my god... You look so orange in that picture!
Tween girl #2: Bitch.
Tween girl #1: No! It's a good thing! Orange is the new pink!

Switzerland

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I Feel Like One of the Extras in Carrie

Female suit: Wow, it smells really bad in here... like old period. Yeah! That's it, old period.

Bridie O'Reillys
Melbourne
Australia

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And Don't Even Get Me Started on This Banana Lamp

[Two 18-year-old girls are browsing a table full of random items for sale at a Christian thrift store at a local church.]
Girl #1: This candle holder would probably feel great inside my pussy.
Girl #2, barely startled: Haha. Yeah.
Girl #1: Ooh, this shirt is nice!

Gothenburg
Sweden

Overheard by: Donny Boots

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They Have the Cutest Little Subway

[Girl hugging a guy.]
Girl: Eew, you smell like vagina.
Guy: Oh no, that's just Philadelphia.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by: EavesdropDC

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I Like the Colors in My LSD Trip to Arrive in a Predictable Sequence

Young woman: Sometimes I feel like I'm in the seventies.
Friend: What? Why?
Young woman: Well, I mean... It's usually just when I look at stoplights, like the yellow ones.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: that makes one of us

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"You're the Meanest Babysitter Ever!" She Screamed

Suit on cell: Yeah, well, we got into a fight about whether she would rather have a regenerating salami foot, or a regenerating cheese hand. She chose cheese hand, but I explained about the salami foot being protected by socks, while the cheese hand is exposed to everything. The conversation just went downhill from there...

Bellevue, Washington

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I'd Heard the Expression "Nose Candy" and Gotten Confused

Female student, looking at Valentine candy display: Oh, I love those little cinnamon hearts.
Male student: Oh, me too. When I was a kid I used to snort them up my nose.

Guelph
Ontario
Canadia

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Would You Mind Taking a Picture Of Us With It?

[A young woman in a wetsuit and a young man in normal clothing are standing near the packaged meats.]
Female employee: Can I help you with anything?
Young woman: Oh, no thanks, we're just admiring the bacon.
Female employee: Oh. Okay! Have a nice day!

Vons
Ventura, California

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Especially If, Instead of the G-Spot, There Was a Little Plastic Prize

Guy: But I hate wearing condoms! I can't feel anything. I might as well put my dick in a cereal box.
Girl: I think my vagina is a bit different from a cereal box.
Dude, excitedly: If your vagina had cereal in it, I'd eat you out all the time!

Davidson, North Carolina

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The Last Time I'll Put My Money Where My Mouth Is

Man coming out of strip club: My mouth still tastes like dollars.

New Orleans, Louisiana

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No More Gene Kelly Movies for You, Young Man

Mom, walking in the rain: This is not good.
Four-year-old son: It's nice!
Mom: It is not nice, what the hell?!

Springfield, Massachusetts

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What Happened to the Other.... Actually, I Don't Wanna Know

New homeowner: Did you ever find out what was causing that smell?
Worker: Yep.
New homeowner: What was it?
Worker: I'm not gonna tell ya.
New homeowner: Come on, what was it?
Worker, with a serious face and tone: You've got about four and a half to five opossums underneath your house.

Huntington, West Virginia

Overheard by: Jess

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Fool Me Twice, Shame on Morton's

Freshman girl: Never snort salt.
Other freshman girl: I know, right! It burns so bad!

Bethesda, Maryland

Overheard by: Shelby

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Christian Discovers He Has a Vocation for the Priesthood

Gay boy: ... And I woke up and my room was filled with red buttons and ears of corn, then my comforter turned into a giant lake, and three purple rhinoceroses just like rose out of it! And--
Girlfriend #1: No, Christian, there is no such thing as rhinoceroses. The plural of "rhinoceros" is "rhinocerii".
Girlfriend #2: Stacy... I don't think that's right... I think it may be "rhinos-"
Girlfriend #1: Courtney, that's ridiculous, we're being serious here...
Gay boy: Okay, guys! It doesn't matter. Anyway, back to the story... The weirdest part is, after all that happened, I thought I liked girls...
Girlfriend #1 and girlfriend #2: Wow... That is strange...

Huntington Movie Theater
Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Mo

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Fine. Anyone Want Anything from the Sex Kitchen?

Girl #1: Nobody ever sits on it and I don't blame them.
Girl #2: You call it the sex couch, that's why.
Girl #1: I Febreze it!
Girl #2: And then you say that!

Brighton, Massachusetts

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There's a Lesson in That

Guy: Egg salad is a dish best served cold.

Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com

Overheard by: alyssa

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Body Nazis Are So Vulnerable to Imperfection

Girl: I am going to show you guys my toe, and you're gonna be sorry!

Cresson, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: ZB

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Is That Why You Keep Flinging Rocks at My Forehead?

Little boy: I don't have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do sweetie...
Little boy: No! I don't have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do...
Little boy: No, you're a giant!

Grocery Store
Colorado

Overheard by: Not a Giant or a Grandma

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Did That Come Out Of Me?

Woman in bathroom stall, on cell : ... That's just how it is... No, that's my pee you're hearing... Anyways, what did she say? Wait a second, I have to wipe...

Spokane Airport
Spokane, Washington

Overheard by: wish i had held it...

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In Kansas, Recreational Eating Goes Extreme

Stoner #1: ... And it burned the whole way down! Seriously, I think my throat hemorrhaged.
Stoner #2: Well at least you didn't eat nine bowls of pudding.

Kansas State University, Manhattan

Overheard by: I wish I heard the beginning...

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Like, They Could Be Electronic or Something

Freshman, walking out of library: Geez, these books are heavy! They should make, like, lighter versions of books...

Melbourne University
Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Eavesdropper...

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Naturally, It's Huge

Young mom, looking disgusted at a paparazzi photo of Pamela Anderson: That's disgusting.
Four-year-old son: What?
Young mom: Honey, what's wrong with this picture?
Four-year-old son: I can see her penis.

Bowling Alley
Indiana

Overheard by: Aunt Oblivious

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Well, First Rubber Cement. Then Sex

Poetry professor: I don't know about you, but when I hear the word "sniffing" I think of sex!

SUNY Purchase
New York

Overheard by: S. Van-Ho

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Dude, I Have Totally Seen This Porno!

Teen girl wearing a warm jacket: Hey, Kim.
Kim: [Wearing pretty much nothing.] Oooh, you look warm! Can I put my hand inside you?

Los Angeles, California

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Dad's the Best Gas-Release Coach in the Midwest

Little girl: I farted!
Dad, indifferent: Stop farting.
Little girl: I farted on the dog!
Dad, still indifferent: Continue farting.

Glendale Heights, Illinois

Overheard by: rbmmom

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If Your Eyes Are Closed, I Assume You're Imagining Another Professor

Professor: I try to say the word "sex" at least two or three times a class to wake people up.

Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com

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Since the Judge Ordered Me to Steer Clear of Markers

Lady #1: I'm ready, are you coming?
Lady #2: I think I may just stay here and smell the pencils for a while.

Animal Hospital
Abingdon, Maryland

Overheard by: Paying for food

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Zeus Was Quite the Problem Child

Little boy #1: [Makes peeing sound, pretends to pee.]
Little boy #2: That's nothing! Feel the wrath of my penis!!

Macy's in Fashion Square Mall
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Stephanie

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