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Never Drink With Master Debaters, Dear Reader
Guy among friends: This conversation is too logical for me.
Bar
Norway
Your Editors Gave Up on Lost During Season One
60-something guy, earnestly, to table full of seemingly level-headed adults: They're going to turn the moon into a weapon, the most powerful weapon ever...
Restaurant
Reno, Nevada
Overheard by: mini-me
Categories: Nevada | Old folks | Restaurants | Science | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Cats
Student on bike to another: The problem with string theory nowadays is that everyone just wants to get into it.
Cambridge
England
Overheard by: Anti-Math
See, This Is Why I Came Here
Girl: Wow! Einstein was like really smart!
Astronomy Class
UCSC, California
Overheard by: Eric
Yay! Let's All Join the Army!
Girl #1, loudly in quiet library: And we thought we were going to the lecture on reasons to join the army, but we accidentally went to the wrong lecture theater, and it was a medical lecture on burns patients!
Studying girl: Shhhhh!
Girl #1, loudly: And this med guy who knew we weren't med students goes "This is a good lecture to come to! Lots of gory pictures!" and we were both thinking "Shit! Are these army people going to show us photos of people who have been blown up or something!?"
Studying boy and girl: Shhhhhhhh!
Girl #2: Can't be as bad as that lecture from first year. Remember the photo of the person's head who'd been run over by a train?
Girl #1, even more loudly: Yeah! And they showed us photos of a penis which had been bitten off!
(everyone in library, including studying boy and girl, burst out laughing)
Griffith University Library
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Education | Penis | Science | Students | Violence | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Judging from the Residue I Discovered on One Of Your Quizzes
Professor: Here you are, every day, sitting in this little cave which is evolutionary very stupid. You're not reproducing while you are in here. You aren't even trying to... Well, maybe that's not true.
Psychiatric Physiology Class
Pomona, California
Overheard by: Whats He talking about again???
Geeks and Sexual Experimentation Are Often a Perilous Combo
Student to friend: Could you imagine having a test tube shatter while it is up your ass, or worse? I know a girl that it happened to!
Cabra Dominican College
Australia
Categories: Ass | Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Science | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Still Doesn't Explain Yao Ming
Guy to friend: If one person is about 1.5 meters tall, two people would be three hundred meters.
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan Dali
Categories: Friends | Guys | Other sites | Science | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Just Took a Tab Of E=mc2
Girlfriend: I'm gonna grab a beer, you want anything?
Boyfriend: Uhhh, not now. I've got to be a penny-pincher.
Girlfriend, laughing at own comment: Maybe you ought to pinch it so hard it turns into a dollar.
Boyfriend: That's stupid. That doesn't make sense. How would that even happen?
Girlfriend, indignant: I don't know! I'm a physicist, not a scientist!
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Feynman
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Money | Offers and requests | Questions | Science | Posted 2009-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Are Now Qualified to Work at McDonald's
Five-year-old daughter: Daddy, ask me some math questions.
Father: Okay, what is 4 x 4?
Five-year-old daughter: It's not 9!
Father: That's correct.
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Michael Moore
The Spontaneous Admission to Grad School Is Just a Myth
Philosophy professor: He chose this example because it had sex appeal. It turned people on.
(changes PowerPoint slide to picture of bacterial flagellum)
Male student: Ohhhhh!
Professor: Please don't have an orgasm in my class.
Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Orgasm | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Science | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Beginning to Regret Teaching You How to Use Anthrax
Teacher to chattering students: Quit discussing biochemical warfare!
Biology Classroom
Auckland
New Zealand
Isn't That a Little Advanced for Ninth Grade Biology?
Woman: So, now they're testing for incest.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Me
Categories: Family ties | Overheard in Minneapolis | Science | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Same Way We Fail to Feel Bad for Cher
Coworker, on animal testing: I just can't feel bad for lab rats, cause they're man-made.
Friend: Seriously, dude.
Winter Park, Florida
Overheard by: Cassie
Ever Been to the U.S., Suzy?
Psych class guy: Dolphins are the second smartest animal.
Psych class girl: What's the smartest?
Psych class guy: Humans.
Psych class girl: Wait, humans are animals?
Psych class guy: Yep.
Psych class girl: Really?
Psych class guy: For real.
Hamilton
Canadia
Overheard by: Jayme
The Country?
Girl #1: Remember that time you chased the porcupine?
Girl #2: Yeah. It was so cute, I just wanted to pet it.
Girl #1: And remember when you tried to run that bullfrog over?
Girl #2: That's because I don't like animals that aren't furry.
Girl #1: What about the porcupine? He's not furry.
Girl #2: But porcupines have feathers, so they count.
Girl #1: Porcupines don't have feathers.
Girl #2: Yes, they do.
Girl #1: They have quills.
Girl #2: Oh! When you were saying "porcupine" I thought you meant "turkey."
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Poor Charles Darwin
Intense guy, shouting: It's a fact! But I don't have any proof.
Kathmandu
Nepal
And Cardiac Arrest Is Just Your Body Saying "Thank You"
Woman in nurse scrubs: It's like my brother says, "bread is merely a vehicle for butter to enter the body".
Italian Restaurant
Toms River, New Jersey
Categories: Food | New Jersey | Nurses | Restaurants | Science | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to Paris Hilton's Guide to Science
Woman: My legs are burning. But only because I'm putting more pressure on the gravity.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Science | Sensory experiences | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Heard You Play Cello.
Asian kid: Damn, I can't do math.
Non-Asian kid: Somehow I doubt that.
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Jesse
That's What You Said About Menstruation!
Professor: How does a microwave work?
Student: Electromagnetic waves.
Professor: Oh, "electromagnetic waves"! That's a fancy way of saying "magic."
University of Delaware
Overheard by: Magician
Pregnancy? Absofuckinglutely.
Student: The form told me that there's a 2% chance that it will happen to me, but if it does happen to me, there's a 100% chance that it will happen to me.
UCLA, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Science | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
....Ooo, Chocolate Pudding!
Large chick in group of students: I like science, music, dance, and you know what else I like? Anal.
Community College
Virginia
Categories: Backdoor | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Dancing | Fat people | Music | Science | Students | Virginia | Posted 2009-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Science à L'Orange
Professor #1: There are other people here who put stuff up ducks' butts.
Professor #2: Yeah, but you do it for science!
Fairbanks, Alaska
Overheard by: Lowlie Worm
Which Brings Me to Today's Lab Assignment
Professor: Sponges can regenerate from the broken pieces. If you put a sponge through a mincing machine, you just get lots of little sponges. If you put a cow through, you get mince. If you put a person through, you get arrested.
Rhodes University
South Africa
Overheard by: Amused Zoology Student
Categories: Africa | Animals | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Murder | Science | Teachers | Posted 2009-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Would Either Industry Be Without Silicone?
College girl: The way I see it, chemistry is just like prostitution.
Northern Michigan University
Overheard by: everyone gets screwed?
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Michigan | Science | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2009-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As This 45-Minute Presentation Will Demonstrate.
Physicist: Elise has a quantum ass. It's either big or real big. Depending on what pants she wears.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: change
...Under "Skills".
Blonde: I have this theory that babies who were born late are like always late to stuff. And babies who were born early, like premature, are always early.
Friend: Really?
Blonde: Yeah, it's like, on my resume.
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Pregnancy | Science | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can I Direct You to the Braille Section, Sir?
Library patron: I'm a molecular biologist. I don't care about things I can see with my eyes.
UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Categories: Bosses | California | Colleges & Universities | Science | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Me, Nature, and Judge Judy
Chemistry professor: Now, it may seem that nature has gotten it wrong--but like me, nature never gets it wrong.
University of Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Bringing it back to you | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | New Zealand | Philosophy | Science | Teachers | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Hangs Around Outside Weight Watchers Meetings, Just Waiting
Girl #1, reading aloud from a magazine: Did you know there are only 13 blimps in the entire world?
Girl #2: What's a blimp?
Girl #1: I don't know, but Liam wants to be killed by one.
Birmingham, Alabama
Are You Pregnant?
Girlfriend: You still have Jack Daniels in my fridge! All nice and frozen. Well, it's not frozen because alcohol has a high freezing point, but it's been in there for months so it's as "frozen" as it's gonna get, well, not really because...
Stressed-out boyfriend: Woman! Too many words in that sentence!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Gripes | New Jersey | Science | Words | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Use a Completely Hypothetical Anecdote
Professor: Fluorine is to chlorine as chlorine is to Kool-Aid. If you inhale chlorine, it burns your nose--you inhale fluorine and it'll eat your face and look for your family.
San Diego State University
San Diego, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Science | Sensory experiences | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Child Psychologists Exist
Father, explaining electrical cables to teenage son: Yeah, she's got a transvestite in her wall. But you can convert the tranny back to a female, using the thing in the wall.
Wellington, New Zealand
Overheard by: Jordyn
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Gender issues | New Zealand | Parenting | Science | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Many Of My Students, Strangely Enough.
Science professor: This is plastic deformation, like what happens to those baby-seal catchers. You know, the plastic that comes around soda cans? Sometimes you catch penguins too, but those are much harder--they run really fast, and they have no regard for their bodies. They just throw themselves off cliffs.
Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Animals | Birds | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Science | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Another Casualty Of the "Math Is Hard" Barbie
Girl to friend: I was like "whatever, bitch! You're not even a real registered nurse. Like you'll be working full time in a doctor's office making $20 an hour, and I'll be a real nurse making $20,000 a year."
Texas State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Money | Science | Texas | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Otherwise Known As the "Hockey Team" Effect
Anthropology professor: So they tried so hard to be hetero that they just came out being really homo...
Class: (laughs)
Anthropology professor: ...geneous.
Bucknell University
Lewisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Peter
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pennsylvania | Science | Sexuality | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Sex Ed Works Too Well.
Biology teacher: Can anyone give me an example of a parasite?
Girl: A baby!
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Tangent
...By Mixing Glue With Sawdust
Ten-year-old girl walking on cut down tree: Oh, I bet this is what they make wood out of!
Cambridge
Ontario
Canadia
Propelled by Airbrush, Like a Playboy Bunny
American tourist to girlfriend: No, it's a special species of blue rabbit that can survive in space.
Girlfriend: Wow!
Kaaba Cafe
Prague
Czech Republic
We're Not Fish, People!
Biology teacher to uninterested students: Sperm doesn't just crawl along the floor.
Maine
Who Couldn't?!
Guy: If you could put a moose and en elk in a wind tunnel, could you work out which one generates more lift better if they were the right way up or upside down?
London
England
Overheard by: Bemused
Survival Of The... Survivors?
Man eating burrito: It's like Darwinism. You know, selective... selection.
Balboa Island, California
Overheard by: Wow.
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Guys | Science | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now That Metal Rods Are the Latest Fashion Craze
Teacher: Okay, now what you do think is the chance of being killed by being struck by lightning?
Bimbette: Ummmm... probably like, one in two.
Class: (silence)
Teacher: One in two?
Bimbette: Wait! Make that one in ten.
Classroom
Sydney
Australia
It's All the Hair in Their Ears.
Husband, reading aloud from newspaper: Honey, did you know that women use an average of 30,000 words a day, while men only use 15,000?
Wife: That's probably because we have repeat everything to men.
Husband: What?
Australia
Overheard by: Mikyla
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Couples | Language barrier | Questions | Science | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2009-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since the Rain Machine Is Broken
Host to dumb tourist: Would you like to sit inside or in the garden?
Dumb tourist: What's the weather like in the garden?
Host: I'm going to guess that it's the same as outside the front door you just walked through.
Restaurant
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Crash
Categories: Employees | Idiots | Questions | Restaurants | Science | South Carolina | Stupidity | Tourists | Weather | Posted 2009-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Even a Semi? You Disappoint Me.
Professor: Here's a good thing to compare to the turgor pressure in a plant cell: have any of you seen an erection?
University of Illinois at Chicago
Overheard by: suddenly paying attention
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Erections | Illinois | Questions | Science | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Have No Idea What's Going on
Economics graduate to friend, looking around sadly at subdued crowd: We should go to the poli sci graduation later. I heard it's riotous.
UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Another Economics Graduate
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Education | Friends | Offers and requests | Science | Students | Words | Posted 2009-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Text Wouldn't All Fit.
Nerd #1 to another: How do you write "dd" in hexadecimal again? I forget...
(they turn to look at fat woman walking by)
Nerd #2: I would not write a dissertation on her boobs. No way.
PATH Train
Hoboken, New Jersey
Overheard by: I wouldn't either
Don't Bite the Hand That Grades You
Annoying professor, about optical illusion on slide: What do you all see here?
Student: A moron with tenure.
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
Perhaps Another Bong Hit Will Clarify Things
Professor: What does 95% confidence mean?
Weird kid: It means there are 95 parallel universes between the values!
Professor: Well I don't know about that.
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Ah Well, You Can Always Become President.
Professor: Isaac Newton, on his deathbed, was proud to announce that he was a virgin. So if any of you want to be famous scientists, you are going to have to be willing to make a few sacrifices.
Girl, raising hand: Um.
Professor: Oh, is it too late?
De Anza Community College
Cupertino, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl loves physics
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Education | History | Questions | Science | Students | Teachers | Virginity | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet the Inventor Of the Bulletphone
Physics student: If you go faster than the speed of sound, can you...hear...into the future?
Kingston High School
Kingston, New York
Categories: Compare and contrast | New York | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Sensory experiences | Students | Posted 2009-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing That Happens in New Jersey Qualifies As Real Life
Algebra class kid: Will we ever use this stuff in real life?
Teacher: No. You won't.
Middle School Algebra Class
New Jersey
Categories: Education | New Jersey | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Also a Terrific Driver.
Asian girl #1, looking at yogurt display: Ten for seven dollars, what is that?
Asian girl #2: I don't know, I don't want to do the math.
Los Angeles, California
The Etymology Lesson You'll Wish You Never Had
Effeminate boy #1: And he said "my penis is so big I can't control it."
Effeminate boy #2: Oh, god. Really?
Effeminate boy #1: Yes, his mother uses really scientific terminology.
Effeminate boy #2: Oh. Oh, I see.
Effeminate boy #1: Mhmm. Well, he's only four, too. He's already peed on himself because as he says "it's not long enough go down." I just call it a pee-pee. That's where the word "pee" comes from. Mmhmm.
Effeminate boy #2: Really! Huh!
Friendship Heights
Washington, DC
Overheard by: aimc
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Pee | Penis | Queers | Science | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Get Off That Muffin for a Sec.
Guy #1, smashing grapes: I'm making wine.
Guy #2: That's not how you make wine.
Guy #3: Yeah, you need yeast. Hey, Melissa, come here.
Maryland
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Fruit | Guys | Maryland | Science | Posted 2009-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Exactly Is on These Stamps?
Postal worker, about upcoming breast cancer research stamps: The scientists and the breasts will be out soon.
Post Office
Brentwood, Tennessee
Overheard by: just want to send a package
Especially If You Were Into Your Identical Daughter Cells
Microbiology lecturer: If you were a bacteria, this would be a highly pornographic image.
Melbourne University
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Porn | Science | Posted 2009-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Named My Cat "Velutinous."
Teenage queer: How do you say 'fluffy' in science?
Random young boy: Fluffology?
Pretty woman: What?
Teenage queer: Velutinous?
Random young boy: Oh, that's sciencey.
Aurora
Ontario
Canadia
But Mostly Because I Want to Use the Words "Ass Scope"
Suit #1: Yeah, I went in for a colonoscopy last week.
Suit #2: Really? How was it? Painful?
Suit #1: No, actually, with all the Demerol they gave me I don't remember anything about it...love that Demerol...so much so that I think I'll schedule another ass scope for next week.
Modesto, California
Overheard by: Ken Lane
That, or a Phone.
Teacher: Who knows what the word "cell" means?
4th-grader: Oh, I do, I do! It's a tiny thing like a jelly doughnut! Except instead of jelly, there's blood!
Elementary School
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Students | Teachers | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2009-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That by Herbal Essences?
Bottle blonde: Oh my god, you have to tell me where you got your color done!
Natural blonde gentleman: Bitch, this comes from Adonis genes gifted from on high.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Dr. Iniego Strangelove
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Euphemisms | Florida | Girls | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Science | Posted 2009-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Say That About Everything, Heather.
Girl: Biology is so interesting! I mean, like, the Golgi apparatus. It reminds me of sex toys!
IUPUI Campus
Indianapolis, Indiana
I Think I Read That in the Bible
Teacher: You can use stethoscopes to listen to water in trees. You should listen to thin trees and trees with less bark.
Student: Should it be hardwood or softwood?
Teacher: Softwood. You can't beat softwood.
Classroom
Alexandria, Virginia
Which Is Also What I Wrote for My Essay About the Statue Of Liberty
High school girl, ranting to friend about biology class: It's *so* annoying...I hate evolution! He goes all into the *designing* of a cell and I'm like "God created it and that's all we need to know." We don't have to go all hi-def into it!
Lancaster Mennonite HIgh School
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Girls | God | Gripes | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Students | Posted 2009-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except How the Lohan Family Has Managed to Survive
Woman #1: You know what I learned the other day? Social Darwinism.
(awkward pause)
Woman #2: Really? How's that working for you?
Woman #1: Well, it sure explains a lot.
Library, Arcadia University
Glenside, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Xander
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Names | Pennsylvania | Questions | Science | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So This Is All Magic
Hausfrau dragging small son into hall of prehistory: Now remember, we don't believe in evolution!
Smithsonian Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: In the right museum
Categories: Default | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | Religion | Science | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Trust in Covalent Bondage
Chemistry professor: A good chemist feels what his molecules are going through. A good chemist can relate to his molecules.
Macalester College
St Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: Mac
Is That What I've Been Swallowing?
Older male professor, addressing a large lecture hall with only girls: So you see, in my body you will find lots of regular cells, and also you will find cells that are in the process of meiosis; and those are my sperm cells.
Barnard girl: That is so awkward.
Barnard College
New York
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Sounds Like a Good Rule
Girl to friend: And then this guy, I can't remember his name, he was like "hey, you want some cake?" But I've read his blog and he believes in creationism, so I was like "no, thanks."
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Default | Girls | Names | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Philosophy | Relationships | Science | Posted 2008-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...6.0 on an Internatinal Figure-Skating Scale
Guy: I mean, she was a one on a binary scale, but...
Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Lulia
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Massachusetts | Science | Posted 2008-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the Only Possible Motivation to Teach at a Texas Public School?
Teacher: I got a question for you guys... If you're flying at 50,000 feet and the left rear tire falls off your canoe, how many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse and why?
Students: What the fuck?
Teacher: Clearly, the answer is 7, cause ice cream has no bones!
Student #1: Why do they keep giving us teachers on crack?
Student #2: I dunno, man. I dunno...
Inside Freshman Classroom
El Paso, Texas
Organic Chemistry Is a Squishy Mistress
Painfully dull professor: It's not rocket science, but it's also not a marshmallow.
Storrs, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Default | Science | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Rocks Definitely Are.
Professor: I think fish are not animals. I don't have a concrete answer, but I think they are not animals.
Michigan State University
Overheard by: sjshock
Makes Teaching Teenagers Seem Almost Bearable
Chemistry teacher: We've been experimenting with butane for the last three periods and I'm a little high right now.
Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee
Nurture's No Mother Teresa Either
Physics professor: Nature doesn't care what you think.
De Anza College
Cupertino, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl loves physics
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Science | Teachers | Posted 2008-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Sense That They Both Have Fewer Than Six Letters
Middle school boy: They could solve world hunger if they just kept cloning lots of sheep.
Friend: Aren't sheep like, tofu?
Radnor, Pennsylvania
That's Your Analogy for Everything
Teacher: So this equation is like a machine. You substitute "n" for "-5" and it gives you the product. It's like a sausage-making machine...
Math Class
Mississauga, Ontario
Canadia
Obviously Not
Student #1: I have to go to class.
Student #2: Which one?
Student #1: Quantum physics.
Student #2: Is that where you go back in time to set right what once went wrong?
Georgia Southern University
Overheard by: Sydney
And Someone Added a "Y" to the "Ga" Square
(five ditzy girls are looking at a big poster of the periodic table of the elements, and laughing)
Boy, walking up: What's so funny?
Girl: Haha! One of the squares says "Bi"! Hahaha... like "bisexual!"
UT Austin
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Bismuth.
...Roll Videotape, Please
Professor: Then the electrons are passed around like a hot potato or, you know, a cheerleader.
Radford University, Virginia
If Scientologists Say It, It Must Be True
Hobo woman: So if you stand with one foot on Venus, and one on Mars, it is possible to move earth with a hockey stick.
Eriberto's
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Drew
Why It's Been Renamed the "K-Fed Isotope"
Professor: Carbon-14 is an unstable marriage. He's putting cocaine up his nose while she's working hard. It can't last, you know. That's expensive.
Berea College
Kentucky
Whatever I Can't Get from Miss Cleo, Anyway.
Professor: Temperature is an example of an invented reality. Temperature doesn't exist. It's all in our minds. It's either hot or cold out, but what are "degrees" really? Nothing!
Student: Actually, temperature is scientifically calculated by... (goes on to give long, technical explanation)
Professor: Really? I'm going to have to go look that up on Wikipedia. I get all of my information from Wikipedia.
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Glad you're teaching us then...
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Internet | Philosophy | Science | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Wouldn't Believe How Many Miles To The Baby My Truck Gets
Brunette: I use babies as a unit of measurement.
5th Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Abraham Lincoln? Really?
Girl: I basically touched his dick, through the transitive property.
Northbrok, Illinois
Overheard by: Jake
Somewhere There's a Live, Cheerful Half of a Rat, and No One Knows How Heavy He Is
Girl #1: And I was like: "How many depressed lab rats do you have to weigh and kill to figure that out?"
Girl #2: What?
Girl #3: 37.5, apparently.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Diet & weight | Friends | Minnesota | Questions | Science | Sorority types | Posted 2008-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, and Death. And Taxes
20-something #1: Yeah, see, that's our problem: These girls are pushing 30 and their biological clocks are going off and all that.
20-something #2: Well, that wasn't my problem before, she was 23 when I started dating her.
20-something #1 (thoughtfully): Yeah... that's our other problem: time.
Airplane between Detroit and Las Vegas
Overheard by: ncs
Categories: Age and ageing | Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Relationships | Science | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kind They Blind You With
Girl #1: What's Scientology?
Girl #2: Isn't it like, you know, science?
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: Dave
Who Knew Organic Chemists Were So Funky?
Professor: I'm just waiting for a chlorine radical to come and bite me up the ass.
Morraine Valley Community College
Palos Hills, Illinois
Overheard by: Kati
Was It a Big Bang?
Guy, crying: Ahhh! I just had sex with Stephen Hawking right up here, in my head!
Starbucks
Biloxi, Mississippi
Categories: About celebrities | Creepsters | Default | Fears | Feelings | Guys | Mississippi | Restaurants | Science | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Explained in Survival of the Tittiest
Girl #1: This dress makes me look like a pregnant woman with small boobs.
Girl #2: Pregnant women can't have small boobs. That's like impossible. It's, like, natural selection or something.
Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rebecca
Categories: Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Massachusetts | Nipples | Pregnancy | Science | Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Just Say That Because You're Failing Calculus
Undergrad: The whole reason I like the book was, like, because Isaac Newton is so badass!
Friend: I thought he was, like, an asshole.
Undergrad: No!
Carnegie Mellon University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: whatgoesup
Categories: Books | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Insults | Pennsylvania | Science | Students | Posted 2008-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Eat It Before Those Orgies with the Football Team
College girl #1: Eating raw fish makes you super fertile.
College girl #2: Really?
College girl #1: Yeah, thats why I get pregnant so much.
Japanese Restaurant
Richmond, Virginia
Categories: Animals | Food | Friends | Pregnancy | Restaurants | Science | Sorority types | Posted 2008-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like an Open Spirit and Three Hits of Acid
Teacher: What you get from Beatlerama depends on what you bring to it.
Science class
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: mollydear
Categories: Education | Names | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Teachers | Virginia | Words | Posted 2008-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Out of What?
Five-year-old boy: How old are you?
Tutor: Twenty.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah, well, do you know how to make a monkey?
Dallas, Texas
If You'd Like to Know How Sound Carries, Consult the School Nurse
Biology teacher: [badly draws a woman singing into a microphone, which looks suspiciously like a woman about to give head] If you take this, for example...
[class laughs]
Biology teacher: [steps away from board and sees what class is laughing about] Uh...[erases drawing]... We're just not going to draw today.
Connecticut
Categories: BJs | Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Education | Science | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Allowed to Use Them at Home
Biology professor, on earthworm digestive systems: And I'm including this part because I enjoy saying words like "anus".
South Dakota State University
South Dakota
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Class | Creepsters | Education | Science | South Dakota | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Public Bathrooms He Gets So Hyper He Requires Sedation
Happy little boy touching everything: Bacteria! Bacteria! Bacteria!
Post Office
Hammond, Louisiana
Categories: Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Louisiana | Post offices | Science | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ha Ha, Dude Watches Oprah!
Girl: My history teacher says women are more evolved than men.
Biology teacher: And what evidence does she base this on?
Guy: Oprah?
La Follette High
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Tangent
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Education | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Students | Teachers | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But First, a Round Of Applause for My Lovely Assistant
Physics professor: First we'll put it in the A hole and then we'll put it in the other hole.
Allegheny College
Pennsylvania
I'm Turning Inside Out for Halloween
Girl: I think my ribs are double-jointed.
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Categories: Body parts | Default | Fears | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Missouri | Science | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or "Freshmen"
Lit professor: Now, when we plant humans and they grow, we call those "zombies".
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Not If You Swallow the Sperm Like a Good Girl
Girl: I heard cum was high in protein, but it's also high in calories.
Guy: Yes... It is also high in Vitamin D, iron, serotonin. Sadly, a woman's body can hardly produce an equally useful food supplement.
Girl: ... It produces babies!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
At Least Stop Throwing the Panties.
Physics professor: Hey! Listen up! I'm tired of some of you walking out or ignoring me when we talk about the Big Bang Theory. I'm not telling you God doesn't exist, so don't get your panties in a bunch! You! Sit down! Let me finish!
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
But We're Totally in the Clear with Wikipedia, Right?
Dude: You know, less than half of Snapple facts are true.
Chick: Really? Because I totally cited those in research papers.
College Park, Maryland
Like Richard Simmons
Bimbette #1: Wait, is a bird a mammal? I don't think it's a mammal...
Bimbette #2: I think a bird is, like, its own species.
B train
Boston, Massachusetts
To Them, Your Aquarium Is Just a Raw Bar
Guy at computer: It's this whole thing with the penguins, man...
Friend: Yeah, I know. It'll work itself out, though.
Monash University
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Timothy
Do They Count If You Have to Blow Them Up?
Music history professor: Darwin says that the sole purpose for living things is to survive and procreate. What about us, as musicians? Do we need music to survive and procreate? Well, some people believe that music was created as a sort of mating call. Compare the reproductive life of Jimi Hendrix to the reproductive life of... well, me.
Class: Um...
Music history professor: Well, clearly I win hands-down because of all my groupies.
1 East Mount Vernon Place
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: stravinsky
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Maryland | Music | Science | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Money's on the Democrats
Middle-aged student: ... But technically, can a woman get pregnant by two different men?
Biology professor: Depends on what party she went to.
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jessica
That's What Bothers You about Living in Texas?
Astronomy teacher, about weather inhibiting lunar eclipse viewing: Well, NASA's here, so Houston's still cool.
Student #1: Yeah, but not cool enough to have an H&M...
Student #2: Yeah, I know!
Student #1: This really bothers me...
High school
Houston, Texas
A Question My Dissertation on The Flintstones Seeks to Get to the Bottom Of
Female grad student on cell: Yeah, but what would be the societal benefit of having a bunch of dinosaurs running around?
SUNY Stony Brook
New York
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | New York | On the phone | Questions | Science | Students | Posted 2008-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Has He Given You a Satisfactory Answer to That Question?
Thugette, into phone: How it gon' be warm one day, rain the next, and freezin' the next?
Asian guy: It's called a cold front. Take a science class.
Thugette: I don't need no science, nigga! I got God!
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Life Was Better When Knowledge Was the Province Of Those Who Could Lie About It
Biology professor: Hey, didn't they discover that process in corals?
Grad student: No, they discovered that in plants.
Biology professor: That's what I just said!
Grad student: But coral is not a plant.
Biology professor: What? Yes, it is!
Grad student: No, it's not, it's an animal!
Biology professor: Since when?
Grad student: Since always -- go look it up!
Biology professor, after disappearing for five minutes: Fucking Wikipedia...
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: How'd you get this job, anyway?
It's a Bloody Miracle
Male student, about an exam: What do we have to know about the external parts of the female reproductive system?
Professor: Everything! Not just for the exam, but for yourself! All of you!
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Marina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Questions | Science | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Scientists Talk Dirty
Physics professor demonstrating electrical charges: I have my magic wand and my magic fur. Now, I'm going to rub my magic wand with my magic fur!
Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania
Categories: Pennsylvania | Science | Sex | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stacy's Attempt to Milk Them Ended Badly
Recent college grad: Wait, you mean elephants are mammals?!
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: not a mammal either
Categories: Animals | Idiots | Pennsylvania | Science | Stupidity | Posted 2008-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
'Cause I Can Only Think of Star Jones and Ringo Starr
Blonde student to astronomy professor: Can you tell me approximately how many stars there are in our solar system?
Wheaton College
Wheaton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Amycakes
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Idiots | Massachusetts | Questions | Science | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to This Fortune Cookie
Extremely drunk man: You know, I don't think prime numbers are going to introduce us to aliens... But I think Chuck Berry will.
The Old Hole
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: E
