Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Science All Categories > Topics > Science
Recent | Best Of
Whatever I Can't Get from Miss Cleo, Anyway.
Professor: Temperature is an example of an invented reality. Temperature doesn't exist. It's all in our minds. It's either hot or cold out, but what are "degrees" really? Nothing!
Student: Actually, temperature is scientifically calculated by... (goes on to give long, technical explanation)
Professor: Really? I'm going to have to go look that up on Wikipedia. I get all of my information from Wikipedia.
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Glad you're teaching us then...
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Internet | Philosophy | Science | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Wouldn't Believe How Many Miles To The Baby My Truck Gets
Brunette: I use babies as a unit of measurement.
5th Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Abraham Lincoln? Really?
Girl: I basically touched his dick, through the transitive property.
Northbrok, Illinois
Overheard by: Jake
Somewhere There's a Live, Cheerful Half of a Rat, and No One Knows How Heavy He Is
Girl #1: And I was like: "How many depressed lab rats do you have to weigh and kill to figure that out?"
Girl #2: What?
Girl #3: 37.5, apparently.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Diet & weight | Friends | Minnesota | Questions | Science | Sorority types | Posted 2008-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, and Death. And Taxes
20-something #1: Yeah, see, that's our problem: These girls are pushing 30 and their biological clocks are going off and all that.
20-something #2: Well, that wasn't my problem before, she was 23 when I started dating her.
20-something #1 (thoughtfully): Yeah... that's our other problem: time.
Airplane between Detroit and Las Vegas
Overheard by: ncs
Categories: Age and ageing | Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Relationships | Science | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kind They Blind You With
Girl #1: What's Scientology?
Girl #2: Isn't it like, you know, science?
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: Dave
Who Knew Organic Chemists Were So Funky?
Professor: I'm just waiting for a chlorine radical to come and bite me up the ass.
Morraine Valley Community College
Palos Hills, Illinois
Overheard by: Kati
Was It a Big Bang?
Guy, crying: Ahhh! I just had sex with Stephen Hawking right up here, in my head!
Starbucks
Biloxi, Mississippi
Categories: About celebrities | Creepsters | Default | Fears | Feelings | Guys | Mississippi | Restaurants | Science | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Explained in Survival of the Tittiest
Girl #1: This dress makes me look like a pregnant woman with small boobs.
Girl #2: Pregnant women can't have small boobs. That's like impossible. It's, like, natural selection or something.
Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rebecca
Categories: Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Massachusetts | Nipples | Pregnancy | Science | Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Just Say That Because You're Failing Calculus
Undergrad: The whole reason I like the book was, like, because Isaac Newton is so badass!
Friend: I thought he was, like, an asshole.
Undergrad: No!
Carnegie Mellon University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: whatgoesup
Categories: Books | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Insults | Pennsylvania | Science | Students | Posted 2008-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Eat It Before Those Orgies with the Football Team
College girl #1: Eating raw fish makes you super fertile.
College girl #2: Really?
College girl #1: Yeah, thats why I get pregnant so much.
Japanese Restaurant
Richmond, Virginia
Categories: Animals | Food | Friends | Pregnancy | Restaurants | Science | Sorority types | Posted 2008-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like an Open Spirit and Three Hits of Acid
Teacher: What you get from Beatlerama depends on what you bring to it.
Science class
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: mollydear
Categories: Education | Names | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Teachers | Virginia | Words | Posted 2008-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Out of What?
Five-year-old boy: How old are you?
Tutor: Twenty.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah, well, do you know how to make a monkey?
Dallas, Texas
If You'd Like to Know How Sound Carries, Consult the School Nurse
Biology teacher: [badly draws a woman singing into a microphone, which looks suspiciously like a woman about to give head] If you take this, for example...
[class laughs]
Biology teacher: [steps away from board and sees what class is laughing about] Uh...[erases drawing]... We're just not going to draw today.
Connecticut
Categories: BJs | Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Education | Science | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Allowed to Use Them at Home
Biology professor, on earthworm digestive systems: And I'm including this part because I enjoy saying words like "anus".
South Dakota State University
South Dakota
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Class | Creepsters | Education | Science | South Dakota | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Public Bathrooms He Gets So Hyper He Requires Sedation
Happy little boy touching everything: Bacteria! Bacteria! Bacteria!
Post Office
Hammond, Louisiana
Categories: Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Louisiana | Post offices | Science | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ha Ha, Dude Watches Oprah!
Girl: My history teacher says women are more evolved than men.
Biology teacher: And what evidence does she base this on?
Guy: Oprah?
La Follette High
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Tangent
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Education | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Science | Students | Teachers | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But First, a Round Of Applause for My Lovely Assistant
Physics professor: First we'll put it in the A hole and then we'll put it in the other hole.
Allegheny College
Pennsylvania
I'm Turning Inside Out for Halloween
Girl: I think my ribs are double-jointed.
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Categories: Body parts | Default | Fears | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Missouri | Science | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or "Freshmen"
Lit professor: Now, when we plant humans and they grow, we call those "zombies".
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Not If You Swallow the Sperm Like a Good Girl
Girl: I heard cum was high in protein, but it's also high in calories.
Guy: Yes... It is also high in Vitamin D, iron, serotonin. Sadly, a woman's body can hardly produce an equally useful food supplement.
Girl: ... It produces babies!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
At Least Stop Throwing the Panties.
Physics professor: Hey! Listen up! I'm tired of some of you walking out or ignoring me when we talk about the Big Bang Theory. I'm not telling you God doesn't exist, so don't get your panties in a bunch! You! Sit down! Let me finish!
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
But We're Totally in the Clear with Wikipedia, Right?
Dude: You know, less than half of Snapple facts are true.
Chick: Really? Because I totally cited those in research papers.
College Park, Maryland
Like Richard Simmons
Bimbette #1: Wait, is a bird a mammal? I don't think it's a mammal...
Bimbette #2: I think a bird is, like, its own species.
B train
Boston, Massachusetts
To Them, Your Aquarium Is Just a Raw Bar
Guy at computer: It's this whole thing with the penguins, man...
Friend: Yeah, I know. It'll work itself out, though.
Monash University
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Timothy
Do They Count If You Have to Blow Them Up?
Music history professor: Darwin says that the sole purpose for living things is to survive and procreate. What about us, as musicians? Do we need music to survive and procreate? Well, some people believe that music was created as a sort of mating call. Compare the reproductive life of Jimi Hendrix to the reproductive life of... well, me.
Class: Um...
Music history professor: Well, clearly I win hands-down because of all my groupies.
1 East Mount Vernon Place
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: stravinsky
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Maryland | Music | Science | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Money's on the Democrats
Middle-aged student: ... But technically, can a woman get pregnant by two different men?
Biology professor: Depends on what party she went to.
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jessica
That's What Bothers You about Living in Texas?
Astronomy teacher, about weather inhibiting lunar eclipse viewing: Well, NASA's here, so Houston's still cool.
Student #1: Yeah, but not cool enough to have an H&M...
Student #2: Yeah, I know!
Student #1: This really bothers me...
High school
Houston, Texas
A Question My Dissertation on The Flintstones Seeks to Get to the Bottom Of
Female grad student on cell: Yeah, but what would be the societal benefit of having a bunch of dinosaurs running around?
SUNY Stony Brook
New York
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | New York | On the phone | Questions | Science | Students | Posted 2008-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Has He Given You a Satisfactory Answer to That Question?
Thugette, into phone: How it gon' be warm one day, rain the next, and freezin' the next?
Asian guy: It's called a cold front. Take a science class.
Thugette: I don't need no science, nigga! I got God!
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Life Was Better When Knowledge Was the Province Of Those Who Could Lie About It
Biology professor: Hey, didn't they discover that process in corals?
Grad student: No, they discovered that in plants.
Biology professor: That's what I just said!
Grad student: But coral is not a plant.
Biology professor: What? Yes, it is!
Grad student: No, it's not, it's an animal!
Biology professor: Since when?
Grad student: Since always -- go look it up!
Biology professor, after disappearing for five minutes: Fucking Wikipedia...
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: How'd you get this job, anyway?
It's a Bloody Miracle
Male student, about an exam: What do we have to know about the external parts of the female reproductive system?
Professor: Everything! Not just for the exam, but for yourself! All of you!
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Marina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Questions | Science | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Scientists Talk Dirty
Physics professor demonstrating electrical charges: I have my magic wand and my magic fur. Now, I'm going to rub my magic wand with my magic fur!
Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania
Categories: Pennsylvania | Science | Sex | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stacy's Attempt to Milk Them Ended Badly
Recent college grad: Wait, you mean elephants are mammals?!
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: not a mammal either
Categories: Animals | Idiots | Pennsylvania | Science | Stupidity | Posted 2008-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
'Cause I Can Only Think of Star Jones and Ringo Starr
Blonde student to astronomy professor: Can you tell me approximately how many stars there are in our solar system?
Wheaton College
Wheaton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Amycakes
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Idiots | Massachusetts | Questions | Science | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to This Fortune Cookie
Extremely drunk man: You know, I don't think prime numbers are going to introduce us to aliens... But I think Chuck Berry will.
The Old Hole
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: E
