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Wait 'Til She Learns She Can't Go Down On Him.
Dumb blonde: Jesus is such a cockblock!
UCLA
California
Je...zeus?
20-something American girl, loudly and excitedly, pointing at statue: Ohmigod! Ohmigod! Ohmigod! There's a statue of Jesus! They've got a statue of Jesus Christ! Ohmigod!
Unimpressed 20-something Greek girl: That's a statue of Zeus. (slight pause) You fucking retard.
National Archaeological Museum
Athens
Greece
Overheard by: Bleep
...As We Learned at Basic Training.
Marine: Don't waste good Fun Dip! That's like slapping Jesus in the face!
Camp Leatherneck
Afghanistan
Overheard by: Justus
Categories: Advice | Food | Jesus | Middle East | Military | Posted 2011-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Many Things Are Wrong With This Quote? Show Your Work.
Guy: Ohmigod, you don't look Jewish, I wouldn't have known if you didn't tell me.
Girl: Awww, thanks!
Guy: So what are you doing for the holidays?
Girl: Christmas isn't about Jesus...
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Bernadette
Categories: Christianity | Girls | Guys | Holidays | Jesus | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2011-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You Think He'd Have Hated Mass
Mother to eldest daughter: You can come have sushi with us for lunch on Sunday, but only if you go to mass with us too.
Eldest daughter: I don't think Jesus would approve.
Mother: It's fine. Jesus loved sushi.
Yorktown Heights, New York
Overheard by: Monty
Categories: Christianity | Food | Jesus | Kids | Moms | New York | Offers and requests | Posted 2011-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Be Fair, This Is a Common Theme.
Blonde wife: You do realize that our son is going to tell his schoolmates that Jesus is either a zombie or a vampire. Then we are going to have to explain to his teacher that we are Jewish.
Asian husband: And that you are just bad at explaining things?
Houston, Texas
He Was All, "Take, Eat, This Is My Foreboding"
30-something suit: He was like... The Jesus of bad news.
Train Station
Fairfield, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Jesus | Suits | Train | Posted 2010-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Nun Wouldn't Marry Some Prick, Honey
Little girl, pointing to picture of Jesus on card: Who's that?
Babysitter: Well, that's Jesus.
Little girl: Oh... He looks like a nice guy.
Bellevue, Washington
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Jesus | Kids | Washington | Posted 2010-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Haven't You Seen America's Next Top Muslim?
Guy on cell: Or maybe Mohammad is just less photogenic than Jesus.
Hyde Park
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Anya
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Illinois | Jesus | On the phone | Religion | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Friends First Is the Only Way to Go With the Godhead
Orange-shirted Lutheran youth: I feel something...
Overcompensating Lutheran chaperon: What did you feel? Is it inside? Maybe it's Jesus. (pause) Is Jesus talking to you? What did he say? (waves hands in air) Praise Jesus!
Orange-shirted Lutheran youth: I think he said you should stop telling people he touches them.
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Untouched
Categories: Jesus | Louisiana | Questions | Religious fanatics | Posted 2010-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kirk Cameron: "No."
Student in library: Could you forget that Jesus died for your sins for like five minutes?
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Jesus | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Students | Posted 2010-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's a Savory Savior
Guy to girl in bar: What did you have, some of that Blood of Christ?
Girl: Yeah!
Guy: Yeah?!
Girl: Yeah! It's yummy!
Bar
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: Jill
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Girls | Guys | Jesus | Nebraska | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pretty Much Sums It Up.
Girl to friend: And then they nailed Him to a cross! And we get chocolate eggs for this?
College Campus
Michigan
Ad: He's Back, and This Time It's Very Personal
Girl on phone: When you get to the game room, don't sit next to Jesus, he's watching porn.
Georgetown, Delaware
Overheard by: Kate
Categories: Delaware | Girls | Jesus | On the phone | Porn | Posted 2010-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So He Could Cut Up His Coke.
Confused junkie: There were these two Jewish guys called Gold and Frankenstein, and they gave Jesus a mirror.
Box Hill Central
Melbourne
Australia
Well, As Long As You've Thought This Through.
Woman #1: So you're going to name your son Jesus?
Woman #2: Why not? People name their kids "Messiah," and it means the same damn thing.
Alabama
Overheard by: Matthew Roberts
... and a Coal Miner?
Sorority chick, discussing Shroud of Turin: Jesus was 14 feet tall?
Philosophy of Religion Class, Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Jesus | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About the Guy Who Was Blowing You Yesterday
Policewoman: I seen you beggin'. You don't know that guy, but he gave you money.
Hobo: Sweetness, sweetness, listen. That's my brother.
Policewoman: You have a white brother?
Hobo: My brother in Christ.
Urbana, Illinois
Categories: Cops | Family ties | Hobos | Illinois | Jesus | Money | Panhandling | Questions | Race | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Is He to Say I Can't Be a Lesbian?
Three-year-old to parents: Jesus is mean.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Who's Black and White and Back from the Dead All Over?
Black girl, holding up picture she drew of black Jesus: My hero is Jesus Christ.
White kid: Jesus isn't black.
Black girl: Yes, he is!
White kid: No, he's white!
Uncomfortable teacher: Now, now, let's just say Jesus is all colors!
Art Class, Middle School
Maryland
Categories: Black people | Education | Jesus | Maryland | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Whiteys | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As the Title Of My Autobiography Clearly States
14-year-old boy to punk friends: Jesus loves me, and I don't give a damn.
Portland, Oregon
Like His Penis, Once.
Creepy, vacant-eyed hipster, apropos of nothing: Jesus loves you. He made you. He shows me things.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Jen
Categories: Creepsters | Hipsters | Jesus | Overheard in PDX | Religious fanatics | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Sure Those Were Judas's Last Words?
Professor: And he's like, "Jesus, I wish I was pagan!"
Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Tonight on Keeping Up With the Judashians
Teenybopper #1: So I haven't had my period in like six weeks!
Teenybopper #2: Girl, that means you must be pregnant!
Teenybopper #1: No, cuz then I'd have to be, like, a female Jesus!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Jesus | Massachusetts | Pregnancy | Teens | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, Yes, and by 'Yes' I Mean 'No.'
Girl: If Mary was a virgin, wouldn't Jesus have had to kick through the placenta to be born?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Can't stop thinking about that now at Christmas
He Doesn't Fulfill Such Pedestrian Requests
Girl #1: I wish we had the same size feet.
Girl #2: Well, it's your fault.
Girl #1: How is it my fault? It's not like one day I woke up and was like, "yo Jesus, make my feet three sizes bigger than my sister's."
Roosevelt Field
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: greg
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Jesus | New York | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Stephen King's The Passion Of Christine
Little girl: Where is Jesus?
Bored babysitter: Umm, I don't know... In your heart?
Little girl: Well, then guess what?
Bored babysitter: What?
Little girl: I'm going to punch him! (starts punching herself in the heart)
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Babysitters | Body parts | Canadia | Feelings | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Questions | Violence | Posted 2009-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Pay My Bills Anyway, Sweetie
Woman: If Jesus isn't coming back this week, I just know it's going to be this month.
Edwardsville, Illinois
Categories: Illinois | Jesus | Time Management | Women | Posted 2009-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... We're High
Heathen #1: That's awesome...like Jesus on a stick.
Heathen #2: Haha! Ooh, that's funny because...you know...
Santa Cruz, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Idiots | Jesus | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As Seen in the Porno Take, Eat, This Is My Booty?
Asian teenage girl: Wait, so did Jesus ejaculate wine?
Starbucks
Red Bank, New Jersey
Categories: Asians | Cum | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Jesus | New Jersey | Questions | Restaurants | Teens | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Counting the Nuts, Of Course
Young ice cream customer: I'm going to get a large sundae.
Competitive young ice cream customer: Oh, yeah? I once had a sundae that was so big it was...it was... (thinks about it) up to the top of Jesus!
Dairy Queen
Victoria
Canadia
Overheard by: bemused in Dairy Queen
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Food | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Always Wanted a Boy.
Girl to friends: I've always wanted to dress up like Jesus... My grandmother would be so proud of me.
St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Jesus | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Keep Your Friends Close and Your Motherfuckers Even Closer
20-something guy to another: He found Jesus. In the two months I hadn't seen him, the motherfucker found Jesus.
Swinger's
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Kristin
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Insults | Jesus | Words | Posted 2009-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I've Been Saving That Up All Semester.
Elderly Bible as Literature professor: People often say things that catch people off guard. Like if I said even Jesus shat.
(entire class goes completely silent)
Professor: Holy shit, huh?
College
Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Jesus | Massachusetts | Poop | Questions | Religious fanatics | Teachers | Posted 2009-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, That "God" Bit Was a Slick Cop-Out
Girl to pregnant friend: You're just like Mary, mother of Jesus...except she knew who the father was.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | God | Jesus | Posted 2009-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Recurrent Nightmare Of Christianity
Girl, at beginning of Jesus Christ Superstar: Are they going to kill Jesus?
Boyfriend: Well...yes, Sarah. That's sort of how it works.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Categories: Couples | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Guys | Jesus | Movies | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2009-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Referring to Juicy Juice That Way, Sadie.
Little girl, seriously: This is what I like best about elevators. But it's not the blood of Christ.
Cherry Creek Mall
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
...I Wrote the Directions to the Bar on the Back
Middle aged woman: What is this?
Middle aged man: Oh. That's just a paper where Jesus explains the universe.
Middle aged woman: Do you need it?
Middle aged man: Yeah.
Sunrise, Florida
Overheard by: that one chick
On Water?
Girl #1: You don't even like Jesus.
Girl #2: I don't like Jesus, but I like the way he walks.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Girls | Jesus | Names | San Francisco | Posted 2009-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Back Up-- Did You Just Call Me "Homie"?
Girl #1: Well, if you're totally past it, it won't matter.
Girl #2: But I'm not totally past it, and it does matter. I hate that I did that to someone. And I know it sets feminism way back, but...I mean, Jesus, before I met him, I was like, "No way am I gonna reproduce!" And then...Bam! I'm like a fucking salmon Metro-Northing it for unrequited spawn.
Girl #1: You weren't gonna have kids?
Girl #2: Homie, I can't even handle my period.
Girl #1: I hear ya.
Girl #2: I'm not sure his kind of crazy and my kind of crazy would translate well into offspring.
Girl #1: But your kind of beautiful and his kind of beautiful would make for adorable children.
Girl #2: Oh, shut the fuck up, I'm not beautiful. I have no forehead.
Girl #1: You have a fine forehead.
Girl #2: I have a threehead.
Girl #1: It's a fine forehead. If your forehead was a person and mine was a person, my forehead would totally have sex with your forehead.
Girl #2: I can't believe you. I haven't talked to you face-to-face for more than a year and within ten minutes of reuniting, you're already talking about forehead sex.
(she looks up)
Girl #2: Oh, shit! That's my mentor, and I think she just heard me say "forehead sex."
Sarah Lawrence College
Westchester County, New York
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Girls | Jesus | New York | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2009-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Only Recently Learned It Was Thomas Edison
Blond girl: I thought jesus invented sex.
Bar
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: jimbo
Categories: Australia | Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Jesus | Sex | Posted 2009-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Demand Unlimited Loaves and Fishes in Recompense
Random smoker at party: If Jesus cockblocks me one more time, I am going to find where he lives!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
I'd Scream, "Holy Shit!"
Blond Christian girl #1: So, like, what if like when Jesus comes, you're in the bathroom? Like, what do you do?
Blond Christian girl #2: Oh, wow...that would suck.
Dallas, Texas
Way to Ruin the Moment
Middle-aged woman: My wedding ring from my first marriage has new meaning now.
Friend: What's that?
Middle-aged woman: When I lost all that weight and it didn't fit anymore, I took it as a sign to divorce the bastard and marry Jesus Christ.
Friend: Why don't you just wear it on your toe instead?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: good lord.
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Default | Feelings | Friends | Jesus | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Women | Posted 2008-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Gospel According to Brad
40-something suit: Jesus Christ could not possibly make Seattle more depressing.
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Carefull listener
...Was My Bar Mitzvah Theme
Guy to friend: Jeff Gordon riding a Velociraptor alongside Jesus...
Appalchian State University
Boone, North Carolina
Overheard by: Diana Mason
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Jesus | North Carolina | Pop culture | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good God-- He's Got a Sock Puppet!
(a group of people are standing on the steps of the station, singing about Christianity)
Man, sprinting across the road: Run for your lives! He's preaching Jesus!
Flinders Street Station
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Skeeta
From The Mouths of Babes...
Little boy (pointing at large crucifix in graveyard): What is that guy doing?
Babysitter: That's Jesus.
Little boy: But why is he bloody? Is he dead?
Babysitter: Yes.
Little boy: But Jesus is still alive, isn't he? Why would somebody kill Jesus? And why would they make him go up on that thing?
Babysitter: You know what? It's a complicated story and we'll talk about it later.
Little boy: Bloody Jesus is scary.
Mission Santa Barbara, California
Well He Did Have Unlimited Access to Food
Teen boy: Look! There's that pink car with the fat lady again!
Teen girl: She's everywhere! She must be Jesus!
Athens, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Mateo
Categories: Default | Diet & weight | Girls | Guys | Jesus | Pennsylvania | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Get Me Started on the Blood, Dawg
Pastor, placing a piece of bread in guy's hand: The body of Christ, given to you.
Teen girl, just in earshot: The body be stale, yo.
Teen girl's friend: I hear ya.
St. Jude's Church
Oakville, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Feebriel
Categories: Canadia | Default | Food | Girls | Gripes | Jesus | Religious fanatics | Sensory experiences | Teens | Posted 2008-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Peril Of Having Access to Unlimited Loaves and Fishes
Irate woman, commenting on depiction of Jesus at the Sidewalk Art Festival: He was so fat I couldn't even focus on the fact he was supposed to be Jesus.
Savannah, Georgia
Categories: Default | Diet & weight | Georgia | Jesus | Women | Posted 2008-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Weirdest. Relay Race. Ever
Girl in car: Well, I guess Jesus is just going to have to go in between my legs.
Sunrise, Florida
Overheard by: Chez
Not the Worst Thing He Could Mean by "The Whacker"
Sunday school teacher (showing picture of Good Shepherd): Who can tell me who this is?
Kid: That's Jesus with the whacker!
Teacher (puzzled): You mean he takes the sheep out for a walk?
Kid (pointing to the shepherd's crook): No, when one of the sheep tries to get away from Jesus, he whacks them with it so they won't go!
Shout-out: overheardintheward.blogspot.com
His Hair Desperately Needed Product
Really preppy girl to preppy friends: Like, Jesus had problems too!
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: Ananda
Which Is Why I Have This Black Eye
(goth girl walks by two high school girls)
Girl #1: What is that?!
Girl #2: She's a goth.
Girl #1: Whats a goth?
Girl #2: You know, people who wear black and lots of makeup and listen to sad music.
Girl #1: Ohhhh, that's what they're called. I just call them people who need Jesus.
Albany, New York
Since He Kept Me Up So Late Last Night
Middle-aged woman to another: I said, "Let's go to church," and she said, "No, I'm going to stay in bed with Jesus today."
Outside Mexican restaurant
Hammond, Louisiana
Overheard by: Booksie in Bumfuck
Categories: Default | Friends | Jesus | Louisiana | Memory lane | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Real Sex God
Literature teacher: So what the Europeans did was take the description of Jesus from the texts and made their images of him Caucasian so as to be more relatable to those they were teaching to.
Girl of questionable literacy: European Jesus was hot.
Delta Secondary School
Ladner, British Columbia
Canadia
From Then On, Whenever Sally Did Naughty Things, She Blamed Baby Jesus
Grocery store bagger (handing stuffed cat to little girl): So, what are you going to name your new kitty?
Little girl: Baby Jesus!
California
Mommy Lost Him During That Spring Break Trip to Tijuana
Mother (giving four-year-old a children's bible): Here, find Jesus for mommy.
Doctor's Office
Ashland, Kentucky
Overheard by: Lola
Categories: Christianity | Default | Jesus | Kentucky | Moms | Offers and requests | Religion | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2008-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Aroma Was Strangely Heavenly
Guy: Jesus puked in your car?
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Categories: Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Jesus | Names | Overheard in PDX | Questions | Posted 2008-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Joke's on You-- It Was Jesus Dressed As Santa!
Nanny (in thick Irish accent): Get over here right now!
(little girl does not move)
Nanny: Jesus sees you!
(little girl still not moving)
Nanny: Santa sees you, and you'll get nothing!
(little girl runs to nanny)
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Charles
Categories: Default | Girls | Illinois | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Santa Claus | Threats | Women | Posted 2008-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In an Abstruse Theological Way That Requires Nothing of Us
Mid-30s casual man to woman: Obama is our modern-day political Jesus Christ. He will save us.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: babybug
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Jesus | Politics | San Francisco | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like We'd Really Elect a Latino?
Teen girl to classmates: Jesus was not a President!
US History Class, High School
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Default | History | Jesus | Politics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Water-Walking, Fig-Tree-Blasting Badass from Nazareth
Freshman theater student: So we were in acting class and we did this exercise where we had to portray mythological creatures, and afterwards when we were telling the class what we were, this one kid said: "I was Jesus!"
MBTA
Boston, Massachusetts
Philip Pullman: Goddamn It!
[Family looking at a Golden Compass poster.]
Mom: Oooh! The new Narnia movie!
Dad: Did you know the polar bear is Jesus?
Great Escape Theater
Illinois
Overheard by: The Surly Usher
I Guess I Never Really Thought of Simba in Those Terms
Girl #1: Even when I was a little kid I knew it was Christian propaganda. I was like, "Hey, this lion is Jesus!"
Girl #2: That was great, say it again.
Girl #1: This lion is Jesus!
AMC Century City
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Jesus | Kids | Movies | Offers and requests | Words | Posted 2008-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus: Mooom, They're Starting With the Gay Thing Again!
Blonde #1: I saw a church sign the other day that said "Let Jesus be a part of your rainbow." Isn't that, like, gay?
Blonde #2: Maybe you're supposed to think about Jesus when you're having gay sex.
Blonde #1: Ohhh... I get it now.
Piscataway, New Jersey
Overheard by: .... I don't think anyone gets it.
"Take, Eat, This Is My Body" Would Actually Work As a Pick-Up Line
Drunk college guy: If I were Jesus, everything would be different!
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nic
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drunks | Frat boy types | Guys | Jesus | Minnesota | Students | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Figure Since He Died for Me, I May As Well Give Him Something Nice to Look At
Man: I'm giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you're concerned with your figure?
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Maggie
Categories: Beauty | Christianity | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Food | Guys | Holidays | Jesus | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Conversion in Progress --Please Stand Back
Guy: My cousin got me this Jesus bracelet in like Cuba or something. It was only a dollar!
Jewish girl: Jesus shouldn't have a price!
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: oh, jesus
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Geography | Gifts | Girls | Guys | Jesus | Jews | Money | New Jersey | Religious fanatics | Stupidity | Posted 2008-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can Feel Their Effects for Thousands of Years
Freshman: Are Arby's sandwiches any good?
Junior: Arby's sandwiches are Jesus Christ!
Gilbert High School
Gilbert, Arizona
Categories: Advice | Arizona | Compare and contrast | Food | Jesus | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teens | Posted 2008-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Taught Me the "White Elephant"
College guy: I went to sleep-away camp so long ago my counselor was Jesus Christ!
University of Rochester
Rochester, New York
Categories: Age and ageing | Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Jesus | Leisure | Memory lane | New York | Students | Posted 2008-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus Is My Squirtle
Chick: I'm like Ash from Pokémon, only with Jesus!
Denver, Colorado
"Family Game Night" Has a Different Spin When Your Parents Are Psychologists
Chick: Yeah, he was just showing us random slides and told us to guess what they were. And there was this one slide -- at first I thought it was Jesus and some chick, but on the next slide the dude was turning into a horse and I thought, 'Jesus never did that!' so I just put down 'Man turning into a horse.'
Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana
Fair Enough, Mr. President
Man to friends: Dude, I believe in Jesus the same way I believe in Batman -- the awesome way!
Park Tavern
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: lauren
She's Bringin' "Rakish" Back
Chick: I'd worship Jesus if he had a rakish and amusing hat.
High school classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Jesus: How the Fuck Did That Rumor Get Started?
Girl #1: So, what's your idea of the perfect guy?
Girl #2: Oh, I know what she'll say! Jesus.
Girl #3, blushing: She's right.
Girl #1, rolling eyes: Ugh! But you can't go down on Jesus... can you?
Franklin, North Carolina
Overheard by: J-Bake-Oh
Why Some Churches Have Ejector Pews
Little girl to priest: Why is it called 'Good Friday' if that's when they killed Jesus?
Homestead, Florida
I'm Pretty Sure Bill O'Reilly Claims To
Little girl: Mom, why isn't my last name 'Christ'? Why doesn't everyone have the last name 'Christ'?
Hill Air Force Base
Utah
Overheard by: Wasn't his middle name H?
Which One?
Guy #1: Let's see Grindhouse.
Guy #2: What's that about?
Guy #1: Jesus.
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Categories: Idiots | Jesus | Movies | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Posted 2008-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In That He Told God Everything
Kid #1: ... And so, there is an alpha male among rats--
Kid #2, interrupting: --Jesus Christ was a rat!
City High School
Iowa
Or at Least Oprah
Mother: I'm going to sell you to the zoo.
Child: No, sell me to Jesus!
Billings, Montana
Overheard by: Amber
Wait -- Which One Was He Again?
Skinny girl: Holy shit! Jesus wasn't rich?
Geeky guy: Um... No.
Skinny girl: So it was like a moral victory?
Geeky guy: ... What?
London
England
Didn't Do the Reading, Did You?
Religion professor: Why did Jesus die?
Student: Loss of blood?
College of Charleston
South Carolina
Categories: Jesus | South Carolina | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Be Like, "Dude, This Is My Body"
Chick: I totally want to make out with Jesus. I mean, I like my boyfriend, but it's Jesus... I'm totally going to Hell.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
He Kinda Dropped the Ball with That Asteroid Thing, Though
Man: Man, I'd like to have been around when Jesus put all them dinosaurs here. I figure that woulda been pretty cool.
Friend: Yeah, that woulda been cool.
Canyonlands National Park
Moab, Utah
Overheard by: Iain
Jesus: No Way! I Am, Like, Twice That Size!
Girl #1: Y'know, it kind of weirds me out when I have sex with my boyfriend. He looks like Jesus.
Girl #2: Jesus wasn't Mexican.
Girl #1: Yeah, yeah, but still -- it's like I'm having sex with Jesus.
Girl #2: You should talk to your pastor about that.
Shout-out: www.overheardinvancouver.ca
Overheard by: katherine
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Jesus | Overheard in Vancouver | Posted 2007-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Not Sure What to Bite Off First
Chick to friend: I really thought the chocolate Jesus with the giant dick would sell!
Missouri State University
Springfield, Missouri
Overheard by: Carri Jo
Then He Had to Leave to Feed the Holy Spirit
Cafeteria lady: Last night Jesus took me home!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: cherrynwhite
Categories: Jesus | Overheard in Philly | Servers | Posted 2007-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If He's the Real Deal, He'll Forgive Me
Dude #1: Dude, did you just call Jesus a fag?
Dude #2: I did.
Billings, Montana
Overheard by: he really did
He Eat Brains! ... Oh, Wait
Lady with mic: Nothing is more powerful than Jesus! He die; he get up!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: lab
Categories: Jesus | Overheard in PDX | Religious fanatics | Posted 2007-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Scary Up-on-the-Cross-Why'd-You-Do-This-to-Me Jesus
Girl #1: I was up until two a.m. last night. I'm so tired.
Girl #2: Why were you up so late?
Girl #1: I was talking to Jesus.
Girl #2: Oh, which one?
Wisconsin
Dude, Where Have You Been for the Last 2000 Years?
Genius: ... And that's how I know Jesus is crazy.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Crazies | Jesus | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why the Bible's Endured
Kid: Mom, what's the last supper? Why is it called 'The Last Supper'?
Mom: Because it's the last meal Jesus had with his disciples.
Kid: Awesome!
Mom: ... Before one of his disciples betrayed him and he was killed.
Kid: Awesome!
Target
North Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: Johnny Utah
Categories: Connecticut | Jesus | Kids | Moms | Stores | Posted 2007-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mmm, Sacrilicious
Stoner: That's like saying Jesus and Gandhi are the same. A Gandhi would be the cinnamon bun and Jesus would be the cinnabon.
100 Main Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
