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The Aroma Was Strangely Heavenly
Guy: Jesus puked in your car?
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Categories: Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Jesus | Names | Overheard in PDX | Questions | Posted 2008-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Joke's on You-- It Was Jesus Dressed As Santa!
Nanny (in thick Irish accent): Get over here right now!
(little girl does not move)
Nanny: Jesus sees you!
(little girl still not moving)
Nanny: Santa sees you, and you'll get nothing!
(little girl runs to nanny)
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Charles
Categories: Default | Girls | Illinois | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Santa Claus | Threats | Women | Posted 2008-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In an Abstruse Theological Way That Requires Nothing of Us
Mid-30s casual man to woman: Obama is our modern-day political Jesus Christ. He will save us.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: babybug
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Jesus | Politics | San Francisco | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like We'd Really Elect a Latino?
Teen girl to classmates: Jesus was not a President!
US History Class, High School
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Default | History | Jesus | Politics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Water-Walking, Fig-Tree-Blasting Badass from Nazareth
Freshman theater student: So we were in acting class and we did this exercise where we had to portray mythological creatures, and afterwards when we were telling the class what we were, this one kid said: "I was Jesus!"
MBTA
Boston, Massachusetts
Philip Pullman: Goddamn It!
[Family looking at a Golden Compass poster.]
Mom: Oooh! The new Narnia movie!
Dad: Did you know the polar bear is Jesus?
Great Escape Theater
Illinois
Overheard by: The Surly Usher
I Guess I Never Really Thought of Simba in Those Terms
Girl #1: Even when I was a little kid I knew it was Christian propaganda. I was like, "Hey, this lion is Jesus!"
Girl #2: That was great, say it again.
Girl #1: This lion is Jesus!
AMC Century City
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Jesus | Kids | Movies | Offers and requests | Words | Posted 2008-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus: Mooom, They're Starting With the Gay Thing Again!
Blonde #1: I saw a church sign the other day that said "Let Jesus be a part of your rainbow." Isn't that, like, gay?
Blonde #2: Maybe you're supposed to think about Jesus when you're having gay sex.
Blonde #1: Ohhh... I get it now.
Piscataway, New Jersey
Overheard by: .... I don't think anyone gets it.
"Take, Eat, This Is My Body" Would Actually Work As a Pick-Up Line
Drunk college guy: If I were Jesus, everything would be different!
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nic
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drunks | Frat boy types | Guys | Jesus | Minnesota | Students | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Figure Since He Died for Me, I May As Well Give Him Something Nice to Look At
Man: I'm giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you're concerned with your figure?
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Maggie
Categories: Beauty | Christianity | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Food | Guys | Holidays | Jesus | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Conversion in Progress --Please Stand Back
Guy: My cousin got me this Jesus bracelet in like Cuba or something. It was only a dollar!
Jewish girl: Jesus shouldn't have a price!
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: oh, jesus
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Geography | Gifts | Girls | Guys | Jesus | Jews | Money | New Jersey | Religious fanatics | Stupidity | Posted 2008-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can Feel Their Effects for Thousands of Years
Freshman: Are Arby's sandwiches any good?
Junior: Arby's sandwiches are Jesus Christ!
Gilbert High School
Gilbert, Arizona
Categories: Advice | Arizona | Compare and contrast | Food | Jesus | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teens | Posted 2008-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Taught Me the "White Elephant"
College guy: I went to sleep-away camp so long ago my counselor was Jesus Christ!
University of Rochester
Rochester, New York
Categories: Age and ageing | Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Jesus | Leisure | Memory lane | New York | Students | Posted 2008-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus Is My Squirtle
Chick: I'm like Ash from Pokémon, only with Jesus!
Denver, Colorado
"Family Game Night" Has a Different Spin When Your Parents Are Psychologists
Chick: Yeah, he was just showing us random slides and told us to guess what they were. And there was this one slide -- at first I thought it was Jesus and some chick, but on the next slide the dude was turning into a horse and I thought, 'Jesus never did that!' so I just put down 'Man turning into a horse.'
Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana
Fair Enough, Mr. President
Man to friends: Dude, I believe in Jesus the same way I believe in Batman -- the awesome way!
Park Tavern
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: lauren
She's Bringin' "Rakish" Back
Chick: I'd worship Jesus if he had a rakish and amusing hat.
High school classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Jesus: How the Fuck Did That Rumor Get Started?
Girl #1: So, what's your idea of the perfect guy?
Girl #2: Oh, I know what she'll say! Jesus.
Girl #3, blushing: She's right.
Girl #1, rolling eyes: Ugh! But you can't go down on Jesus... can you?
Franklin, North Carolina
Overheard by: J-Bake-Oh
Why Some Churches Have Ejector Pews
Little girl to priest: Why is it called 'Good Friday' if that's when they killed Jesus?
Homestead, Florida
I'm Pretty Sure Bill O'Reilly Claims To
Little girl: Mom, why isn't my last name 'Christ'? Why doesn't everyone have the last name 'Christ'?
Hill Air Force Base
Utah
Overheard by: Wasn't his middle name H?
Which One?
Guy #1: Let's see Grindhouse.
Guy #2: What's that about?
Guy #1: Jesus.
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Categories: Idiots | Jesus | Movies | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Posted 2008-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In That He Told God Everything
Kid #1: ... And so, there is an alpha male among rats--
Kid #2, interrupting: --Jesus Christ was a rat!
City High School
Iowa
Or at Least Oprah
Mother: I'm going to sell you to the zoo.
Child: No, sell me to Jesus!
Billings, Montana
Overheard by: Amber
Wait -- Which One Was He Again?
Skinny girl: Holy shit! Jesus wasn't rich?
Geeky guy: Um... No.
Skinny girl: So it was like a moral victory?
Geeky guy: ... What?
London
England
Didn't Do the Reading, Did You?
Religion professor: Why did Jesus die?
Student: Loss of blood?
College of Charleston
South Carolina
Categories: Jesus | South Carolina | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Be Like, "Dude, This Is My Body"
Chick: I totally want to make out with Jesus. I mean, I like my boyfriend, but it's Jesus... I'm totally going to Hell.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
He Kinda Dropped the Ball with That Asteroid Thing, Though
Man: Man, I'd like to have been around when Jesus put all them dinosaurs here. I figure that woulda been pretty cool.
Friend: Yeah, that woulda been cool.
Canyonlands National Park
Moab, Utah
Overheard by: Iain
Jesus: No Way! I Am, Like, Twice That Size!
Girl #1: Y'know, it kind of weirds me out when I have sex with my boyfriend. He looks like Jesus.
Girl #2: Jesus wasn't Mexican.
Girl #1: Yeah, yeah, but still -- it's like I'm having sex with Jesus.
Girl #2: You should talk to your pastor about that.
Shout-out: www.overheardinvancouver.ca
Overheard by: katherine
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Jesus | Overheard in Vancouver | Posted 2007-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Not Sure What to Bite Off First
Chick to friend: I really thought the chocolate Jesus with the giant dick would sell!
Missouri State University
Springfield, Missouri
Overheard by: Carri Jo
Then He Had to Leave to Feed the Holy Spirit
Cafeteria lady: Last night Jesus took me home!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: cherrynwhite
Categories: Jesus | Overheard in Philly | Servers | Posted 2007-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If He's the Real Deal, He'll Forgive Me
Dude #1: Dude, did you just call Jesus a fag?
Dude #2: I did.
Billings, Montana
Overheard by: he really did
He Eat Brains! ... Oh, Wait
Lady with mic: Nothing is more powerful than Jesus! He die; he get up!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: lab
Categories: Jesus | Overheard in PDX | Religious fanatics | Posted 2007-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Scary Up-on-the-Cross-Why'd-You-Do-This-to-Me Jesus
Girl #1: I was up until two a.m. last night. I'm so tired.
Girl #2: Why were you up so late?
Girl #1: I was talking to Jesus.
Girl #2: Oh, which one?
Wisconsin
Dude, Where Have You Been for the Last 2000 Years?
Genius: ... And that's how I know Jesus is crazy.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Crazies | Jesus | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why the Bible's Endured
Kid: Mom, what's the last supper? Why is it called 'The Last Supper'?
Mom: Because it's the last meal Jesus had with his disciples.
Kid: Awesome!
Mom: ... Before one of his disciples betrayed him and he was killed.
Kid: Awesome!
Target
North Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: Johnny Utah
Categories: Connecticut | Jesus | Kids | Moms | Stores | Posted 2007-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mmm, Sacrilicious
Stoner: That's like saying Jesus and Gandhi are the same. A Gandhi would be the cinnamon bun and Jesus would be the cinnabon.
100 Main Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
