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Wait 'Til She Learns She Can't Go Down On Him.

Dumb blonde: Jesus is such a cockblock!

UCLA
California


Categories: Bimbettes | California | Girls | Gripes | Jesus | Sex | Posted 2011-06-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Je...zeus?

20-something American girl, loudly and excitedly, pointing at statue: Ohmigod! Ohmigod! Ohmigod! There's a statue of Jesus! They've got a statue of Jesus Christ! Ohmigod!
Unimpressed 20-something Greek girl: That's a statue of Zeus. (slight pause) You fucking retard.

National Archaeological Museum
Athens
Greece


Overheard by: Bleep


Categories: Europe | History | Jesus | Stupidity | Tourists | Posted 2011-06-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...As We Learned at Basic Training.

Marine: Don't waste good Fun Dip! That's like slapping Jesus in the face!

Camp Leatherneck
Afghanistan


Overheard by: Justus


Categories: Advice | Food | Jesus | Middle East | Military | Posted 2011-05-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

How Many Things Are Wrong With This Quote? Show Your Work.

Guy: Ohmigod, you don't look Jewish, I wouldn't have known if you didn't tell me.
Girl: Awww, thanks!
Guy: So what are you doing for the holidays?
Girl: Christmas isn't about Jesus...

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Bernadette


Categories: Christianity | Girls | Guys | Holidays | Jesus | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2011-05-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Raise Your Hand If You Think He'd Have Hated Mass

Mother to eldest daughter: You can come have sushi with us for lunch on Sunday, but only if you go to mass with us too.
Eldest daughter: I don't think Jesus would approve.
Mother: It's fine. Jesus loved sushi.

Yorktown Heights, New York

Overheard by: Monty


Categories: Christianity | Food | Jesus | Kids | Moms | New York | Offers and requests | Posted 2011-03-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

To Be Fair, This Is a Common Theme.

Blonde wife: You do realize that our son is going to tell his schoolmates that Jesus is either a zombie or a vampire. Then we are going to have to explain to his teacher that we are Jewish.
Asian husband: And that you are just bad at explaining things?

Houston, Texas


Categories: Asians | Couples | Jesus | Texas | Weirdness | Zombies | Posted 2011-01-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He Was All, "Take, Eat, This Is My Foreboding"

30-something suit: He was like... The Jesus of bad news.

Train Station
Fairfield, Connecticut


Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Jesus | Suits | Train | Posted 2010-08-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Nun Wouldn't Marry Some Prick, Honey

Little girl, pointing to picture of Jesus on card: Who's that?
Babysitter: Well, that's Jesus.
Little girl: Oh... He looks like a nice guy.

Bellevue, Washington


Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Jesus | Kids | Washington | Posted 2010-07-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Haven't You Seen America's Next Top Muslim?

Guy on cell: Or maybe Mohammad is just less photogenic than Jesus.

Hyde Park
Chicago, Illinois


Overheard by: Anya


Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Illinois | Jesus | On the phone | Religion | Posted 2010-06-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Friends First Is the Only Way to Go With the Godhead

Orange-shirted Lutheran youth: I feel something...
Overcompensating Lutheran chaperon: What did you feel? Is it inside? Maybe it's Jesus. (pause) Is Jesus talking to you? What did he say? (waves hands in air) Praise Jesus!
Orange-shirted Lutheran youth: I think he said you should stop telling people he touches them.

New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: Untouched


Categories: Jesus | Louisiana | Questions | Religious fanatics | Posted 2010-06-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Kirk Cameron: "No."

Student in library: Could you forget that Jesus died for your sins for like five minutes?

Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts

He's a Savory Savior

Guy to girl in bar: What did you have, some of that Blood of Christ?
Girl: Yeah!
Guy: Yeah?!
Girl: Yeah! It's yummy!

Bar
Lincoln, Nebraska


Overheard by: Jill


Categories: Bars & Clubs | Girls | Guys | Jesus | Nebraska | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-05-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Pretty Much Sums It Up.

Girl to friend: And then they nailed Him to a cross! And we get chocolate eggs for this?

College Campus
Michigan


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Food | Girls | Jesus | Michigan | Questions | Posted 2010-04-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ad: He's Back, and This Time It's Very Personal

Girl on phone: When you get to the game room, don't sit next to Jesus, he's watching porn.

Georgetown, Delaware

Overheard by: Kate


Categories: Delaware | Girls | Jesus | On the phone | Porn | Posted 2010-02-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...So He Could Cut Up His Coke.

Confused junkie: There were these two Jewish guys called Gold and Frankenstein, and they gave Jesus a mirror.

Box Hill Central
Melbourne
Australia


Categories: Australia | Druggies | Drugs | Jesus | Names | Religion | Posted 2010-01-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Well, As Long As You've Thought This Through.

Woman #1: So you're going to name your son Jesus?
Woman #2: Why not? People name their kids "Messiah," and it means the same damn thing.

Alabama

Overheard by: Matthew Roberts


Categories: Alabama | Compare and contrast | Jesus | Kids | Names | Parenting | Women | Posted 2009-12-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

... and a Coal Miner?

Sorority chick, discussing Shroud of Turin: Jesus was 14 feet tall?

Philosophy of Religion Class, Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania

That's What You Said About the Guy Who Was Blowing You Yesterday

Policewoman: I seen you beggin'. You don't know that guy, but he gave you money.
Hobo: Sweetness, sweetness, listen. That's my brother.
Policewoman: You have a white brother?
Hobo: My brother in Christ.

Urbana, Illinois


Categories: Cops | Family ties | Hobos | Illinois | Jesus | Money | Panhandling | Questions | Race | Posted 2009-11-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Who Is He to Say I Can't Be a Lesbian?

Three-year-old to parents: Jesus is mean.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania


Categories: Jesus | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Parents | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-11-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Who's Black and White and Back from the Dead All Over?

Black girl, holding up picture she drew of black Jesus: My hero is Jesus Christ.
White kid: Jesus isn't black.
Black girl: Yes, he is!
White kid: No, he's white!
Uncomfortable teacher: Now, now, let's just say Jesus is all colors!

Art Class, Middle School
Maryland

As the Title Of My Autobiography Clearly States

14-year-old boy to punk friends: Jesus loves me, and I don't give a damn.

Portland, Oregon


Categories: Feelings | Friends | Gripes | Jesus | Punks | Teens | Posted 2009-10-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Like His Penis, Once.

Creepy, vacant-eyed hipster, apropos of nothing: Jesus loves you. He made you. He shows me things.

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Jen


Categories: Creepsters | Hipsters | Jesus | Overheard in PDX | Religious fanatics | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Sure Those Were Judas's Last Words?

Professor: And he's like, "Jesus, I wish I was pagan!"

Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia


Overheard by: Mel


Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Jesus | Religion | Teachers | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Tonight on Keeping Up With the Judashians

Teenybopper #1: So I haven't had my period in like six weeks!
Teenybopper #2: Girl, that means you must be pregnant!
Teenybopper #1: No, cuz then I'd have to be, like, a female Jesus!

Boston, Massachusetts


Categories: Health & Hygiene | Jesus | Massachusetts | Pregnancy | Teens | Posted 2009-09-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Well, Yes, and by 'Yes' I Mean 'No.'

Girl: If Mary was a virgin, wouldn't Jesus have had to kick through the placenta to be born?

Toronto
Canadia


Overheard by: Can't stop thinking about that now at Christmas


Categories: Birthing | Body parts | Canadia | Girls | Jesus | Questions | Stupidity | Virginity | Posted 2009-09-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He Doesn't Fulfill Such Pedestrian Requests

Girl #1: I wish we had the same size feet.
Girl #2: Well, it's your fault.
Girl #1: How is it my fault? It's not like one day I woke up and was like, "yo Jesus, make my feet three sizes bigger than my sister's."

Roosevelt Field
Long Island, New York


Overheard by: greg


Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Jesus | New York | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

From Stephen King's The Passion Of Christine

Little girl: Where is Jesus?
Bored babysitter: Umm, I don't know... In your heart?
Little girl: Well, then guess what?
Bored babysitter: What?
Little girl: I'm going to punch him! (starts punching herself in the heart)

Toronto
Canadia


Categories: Babysitters | Body parts | Canadia | Feelings | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Questions | Violence | Posted 2009-07-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'd Pay My Bills Anyway, Sweetie

Woman: If Jesus isn't coming back this week, I just know it's going to be this month.

Edwardsville, Illinois


Categories: Illinois | Jesus | Time Management | Women | Posted 2009-07-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

... We're High

Heathen #1: That's awesome...like Jesus on a stick.
Heathen #2: Haha! Ooh, that's funny because...you know...

Santa Cruz, California


Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Idiots | Jesus | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...As Seen in the Porno Take, Eat, This Is My Booty?

Asian teenage girl: Wait, so did Jesus ejaculate wine?

Starbucks
Red Bank, New Jersey


Categories: Asians | Cum | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Jesus | New Jersey | Questions | Restaurants | Teens | Posted 2009-06-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Counting the Nuts, Of Course

Young ice cream customer: I'm going to get a large sundae.
Competitive young ice cream customer: Oh, yeah? I once had a sundae that was so big it was...it was... (thinks about it) up to the top of Jesus!

Dairy Queen
Victoria
Canadia


Overheard by: bemused in Dairy Queen

She Always Wanted a Boy.

Girl to friends: I've always wanted to dress up like Jesus... My grandmother would be so proud of me.

St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia

Keep Your Friends Close and Your Motherfuckers Even Closer

20-something guy to another: He found Jesus. In the two months I hadn't seen him, the motherfucker found Jesus.

Swinger's
Los Angeles, California


Overheard by: Kristin


Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Insults | Jesus | Words | Posted 2009-05-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...I've Been Saving That Up All Semester.

Elderly Bible as Literature professor: People often say things that catch people off guard. Like if I said even Jesus shat.
(entire class goes completely silent)
Professor
: Holy shit, huh?


College
Massachusetts

Yeah, That "God" Bit Was a Slick Cop-Out

Girl to pregnant friend: You're just like Mary, mother of Jesus...except she knew who the father was.

Toronto
Canadia


Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | God | Jesus | Posted 2009-05-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

In the Recurrent Nightmare Of Christianity

Girl, at beginning of Jesus Christ Superstar: Are they going to kill Jesus?
Boyfriend: Well...yes, Sarah. That's sort of how it works.

Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Adam Nathan


Categories: Couples | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Guys | Jesus | Movies | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2009-05-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Stop Referring to Juicy Juice That Way, Sadie.

Little girl, seriously: This is what I like best about elevators. But it's not the blood of Christ.

Cherry Creek Mall
Denver, Colorado


Overheard by: Lee


Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Jesus | Kids | Malls | Posted 2009-05-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...I Wrote the Directions to the Bar on the Back

Middle aged woman: What is this?
Middle aged man: Oh. That's just a paper where Jesus explains the universe.
Middle aged woman: Do you need it?
Middle aged man: Yeah.

Sunrise, Florida

Overheard by: that one chick


Categories: Default | Florida | Guys | Jesus | Questions | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

On Water?

Girl #1: You don't even like Jesus.
Girl #2: I don't like Jesus, but I like the way he walks.

San Francisco, California


Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Girls | Jesus | Names | San Francisco | Posted 2009-01-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Back Up-- Did You Just Call Me "Homie"?

Girl #1: Well, if you're totally past it, it won't matter.
Girl #2: But I'm not totally past it, and it does matter. I hate that I did that to someone. And I know it sets feminism way back, but...I mean, Jesus, before I met him, I was like, "No way am I gonna reproduce!" And then...Bam! I'm like a fucking salmon Metro-Northing it for unrequited spawn.
Girl #1: You weren't gonna have kids?
Girl #2: Homie, I can't even handle my period.
Girl #1: I hear ya.
Girl #2: I'm not sure his kind of crazy and my kind of crazy would translate well into offspring.
Girl #1: But your kind of beautiful and his kind of beautiful would make for adorable children.
Girl #2: Oh, shut the fuck up, I'm not beautiful. I have no forehead.
Girl #1: You have a fine forehead.
Girl #2: I have a threehead.
Girl #1: It's a fine forehead. If your forehead was a person and mine was a person, my forehead would totally have sex with your forehead.
Girl #2: I can't believe you. I haven't talked to you face-to-face for more than a year and within ten minutes of reuniting, you're already talking about forehead sex.
(she looks up)
Girl #2
: Oh, shit! That's my mentor, and I think she just heard me say "forehead sex."


Sarah Lawrence College
Westchester County, New York

I've Only Recently Learned It Was Thomas Edison

Blond girl: I thought jesus invented sex.

Bar
Perth
Australia


Overheard by: jimbo


Categories: Australia | Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Jesus | Sex | Posted 2009-01-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Demand Unlimited Loaves and Fishes in Recompense

Random smoker at party: If Jesus cockblocks me one more time, I am going to find where he lives!

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Claire


Categories: Default | Jesus | Sexuality | Smokers | Threats | Washington | Posted 2008-12-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'd Scream, "Holy Shit!"

Blond Christian girl #1: So, like, what if like when Jesus comes, you're in the bathroom? Like, what do you do?
Blond Christian girl #2: Oh, wow...that would suck.

Dallas, Texas


Categories: Default | Feelings | Girls | Jesus | Questions | Stupidity | Texas | Posted 2008-12-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Way to Ruin the Moment

Middle-aged woman: My wedding ring from my first marriage has new meaning now.
Friend: What's that?
Middle-aged woman: When I lost all that weight and it didn't fit anymore, I took it as a sign to divorce the bastard and marry Jesus Christ.
Friend: Why don't you just wear it on your toe instead?

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: good lord.

The Gospel According to Brad

40-something suit: Jesus Christ could not possibly make Seattle more depressing.

Bus
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: Carefull listener


Categories: Bus | Default | Feelings | Geography | Jesus | Suits | Washington | Posted 2008-11-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Was My Bar Mitzvah Theme

Guy to friend: Jeff Gordon riding a Velociraptor alongside Jesus...

Appalchian State University
Boone, North Carolina


Overheard by: Diana Mason

Good God-- He's Got a Sock Puppet!

(a group of people are standing on the steps of the station, singing about Christianity)
Man, sprinting across the road
: Run for your lives! He's preaching Jesus!


Flinders Street Station
Melbourne
Australia


Overheard by: Skeeta


Categories: Advice | Australia | Default | Fears | Guys | Jesus | Public transportation | Threats | Posted 2008-11-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

From The Mouths of Babes...

Little boy (pointing at large crucifix in graveyard): What is that guy doing?
Babysitter: That's Jesus.
Little boy: But why is he bloody? Is he dead?
Babysitter: Yes.
Little boy: But Jesus is still alive, isn't he? Why would somebody kill Jesus? And why would they make him go up on that thing?
Babysitter: You know what? It's a complicated story and we'll talk about it later.
Little boy: Bloody Jesus is scary.

Mission Santa Barbara, California


Categories: Babysitters | California | Default | Fears | Feelings | Guys | History | Jesus | Kids | Murder | Questions | Religion | Posted 2008-10-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Well He Did Have Unlimited Access to Food

Teen boy: Look! There's that pink car with the fat lady again!
Teen girl: She's everywhere! She must be Jesus!

Athens, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Mateo


Categories: Default | Diet & weight | Girls | Guys | Jesus | Pennsylvania | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Don't Get Me Started on the Blood, Dawg

Pastor, placing a piece of bread in guy's hand: The body of Christ, given to you.
Teen girl, just in earshot: The body be stale, yo.
Teen girl's friend: I hear ya.

St. Jude's Church
Oakville, Ontario
Canadia


Overheard by: Feebriel


Categories: Canadia | Default | Food | Girls | Gripes | Jesus | Religious fanatics | Sensory experiences | Teens | Posted 2008-10-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Peril Of Having Access to Unlimited Loaves and Fishes

Irate woman, commenting on depiction of Jesus at the Sidewalk Art Festival: He was so fat I couldn't even focus on the fact he was supposed to be Jesus.

Savannah, Georgia


Categories: Default | Diet & weight | Georgia | Jesus | Women | Posted 2008-10-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Weirdest. Relay Race. Ever

Girl in car: Well, I guess Jesus is just going to have to go in between my legs.

Sunrise, Florida

Overheard by: Chez


Categories: Default | Florida | Girls | Jesus | Licking | Posted 2008-10-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Not the Worst Thing He Could Mean by "The Whacker"

Sunday school teacher (showing picture of Good Shepherd): Who can tell me who this is?
Kid: That's Jesus with the whacker!
Teacher (puzzled): You mean he takes the sheep out for a walk?
Kid (pointing to the shepherd's crook): No, when one of the sheep tries to get away from Jesus, he whacks them with it so they won't go!

Shout-out: overheardintheward.blogspot.com


Categories: Default | Jesus | Kids | Other sites | Questions | Religion | Students | Teachers | Violence | Words | Posted 2008-10-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

His Hair Desperately Needed Product

Really preppy girl to preppy friends: Like, Jesus had problems too!

Ithaca, New York

Overheard by: Ananda


Categories: Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Jesus | New York | Preppies | Posted 2008-09-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Which Is Why I Have This Black Eye

(goth girl walks by two high school girls)
Girl #1
: What is that?!

Girl #2: She's a goth.
Girl #1: Whats a goth?
Girl #2: You know, people who wear black and lots of makeup and listen to sad music.
Girl #1: Ohhhh, that's what they're called. I just call them people who need Jesus.

Albany, New York


Categories: Default | Girls | Jesus | New York | Stupidity | Posted 2008-07-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Since He Kept Me Up So Late Last Night

Middle-aged woman to another: I said, "Let's go to church," and she said, "No, I'm going to stay in bed with Jesus today."

Outside Mexican restaurant
Hammond, Louisiana


Overheard by: Booksie in Bumfuck


Categories: Default | Friends | Jesus | Louisiana | Memory lane | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-07-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Real Sex God

Literature teacher: So what the Europeans did was take the description of Jesus from the texts and made their images of him Caucasian so as to be more relatable to those they were teaching to.
Girl of questionable literacy: European Jesus was hot.

Delta Secondary School
Ladner, British Columbia
Canadia


Categories: Beauty | Canadia | Default | Girls | History | Jesus | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-07-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

From Then On, Whenever Sally Did Naughty Things, She Blamed Baby Jesus

Grocery store bagger (handing stuffed cat to little girl): So, what are you going to name your new kitty?
Little girl: Baby Jesus!

California


Categories: Animals | California | Customers | Default | Employees | Jesus | Kids | Names | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2008-07-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Mommy Lost Him During That Spring Break Trip to Tijuana

Mother (giving four-year-old a children's bible): Here, find Jesus for mommy.

Doctor's Office
Ashland, Kentucky


Overheard by: Lola


Categories: Christianity | Default | Jesus | Kentucky | Moms | Offers and requests | Religion | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2008-07-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Aroma Was Strangely Heavenly

Guy: Jesus puked in your car?

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: rich


Categories: Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Jesus | Names | Overheard in PDX | Questions | Posted 2008-07-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Joke's on You-- It Was Jesus Dressed As Santa!

Nanny (in thick Irish accent): Get over here right now!
(little girl does not move)
Nanny
: Jesus sees you!

(little girl still not moving)
Nanny
: Santa sees you, and you'll get nothing!

(little girl runs to nanny)

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Charles


Categories: Default | Girls | Illinois | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Santa Claus | Threats | Women | Posted 2008-06-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

In an Abstruse Theological Way That Requires Nothing of Us

Mid-30s casual man to woman: Obama is our modern-day political Jesus Christ. He will save us.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: babybug


Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Jesus | Politics | San Francisco | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Like We'd Really Elect a Latino?

Teen girl to classmates: Jesus was not a President!

US History Class, High School
San Diego, California


Categories: California | Default | History | Jesus | Politics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-06-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Water-Walking, Fig-Tree-Blasting Badass from Nazareth

Freshman theater student: So we were in acting class and we did this exercise where we had to portray mythological creatures, and afterwards when we were telling the class what we were, this one kid said: "I was Jesus!"

MBTA
Boston, Massachusetts


Categories: Default | Education | Guys | Jesus | Massachusetts | Students | Train | Posted 2008-06-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Philip Pullman: Goddamn It!

[Family looking at a Golden Compass poster.]
Mom
: Oooh! The new Narnia movie!

Dad: Did you know the polar bear is Jesus?

Great Escape Theater
Illinois


Overheard by: The Surly Usher


Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Dads | Illinois | Jesus | Moms | Movies | Questions | Posted 2008-05-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Guess I Never Really Thought of Simba in Those Terms

Girl #1: Even when I was a little kid I knew it was Christian propaganda. I was like, "Hey, this lion is Jesus!"
Girl #2: That was great, say it again.
Girl #1: This lion is Jesus!

AMC Century City


Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Jesus | Kids | Movies | Offers and requests | Words | Posted 2008-05-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Jesus: Mooom, They're Starting With the Gay Thing Again!

Blonde #1: I saw a church sign the other day that said "Let Jesus be a part of your rainbow." Isn't that, like, gay?
Blonde #2: Maybe you're supposed to think about Jesus when you're having gay sex.
Blonde #1: Ohhh... I get it now.

Piscataway, New Jersey

Overheard by: .... I don't think anyone gets it.


Categories: Friends | Girls | Jesus | New Jersey | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-05-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

"Take, Eat, This Is My Body" Would Actually Work As a Pick-Up Line

Drunk college guy: If I were Jesus, everything would be different!

Duluth, Minnesota

Overheard by: Nic


Categories: Compare and contrast | Drunks | Frat boy types | Guys | Jesus | Minnesota | Students | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Figure Since He Died for Me, I May As Well Give Him Something Nice to Look At

Man: I'm giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you're concerned with your figure?

Starbucks
San Diego, California


Overheard by: Maggie


Categories: Beauty | Christianity | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Food | Guys | Holidays | Jesus | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-04-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Conversion in Progress --Please Stand Back

Guy: My cousin got me this Jesus bracelet in like Cuba or something. It was only a dollar!
Jewish girl: Jesus shouldn't have a price!

Montclair State University
New Jersey


Overheard by: oh, jesus

You Can Feel Their Effects for Thousands of Years

Freshman: Are Arby's sandwiches any good?
Junior: Arby's sandwiches are Jesus Christ!

Gilbert High School
Gilbert, Arizona

Taught Me the "White Elephant"

College guy: I went to sleep-away camp so long ago my counselor was Jesus Christ!

University of Rochester
Rochester, New York

Jesus Is My Squirtle

Chick: I'm like Ash from Pokémon, only with Jesus!

Denver, Colorado


Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Jesus | TV shows | Posted 2008-03-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

"Family Game Night" Has a Different Spin When Your Parents Are Psychologists

Chick: Yeah, he was just showing us random slides and told us to guess what they were. And there was this one slide -- at first I thought it was Jesus and some chick, but on the next slide the dude was turning into a horse and I thought, 'Jesus never did that!' so I just put down 'Man turning into a horse.'

Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana


Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Indiana | Jesus | Posted 2008-03-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Fair Enough, Mr. President

Man to friends: Dude, I believe in Jesus the same way I believe in Batman -- the awesome way!

Park Tavern
Denver, Colorado


Overheard by: lauren


Categories: Colorado | Default | Friends | Guys | Jesus | Posted 2008-02-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

She's Bringin' "Rakish" Back

Chick: I'd worship Jesus if he had a rakish and amusing hat.

High school classroom
Englewood, Colorado


Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Default | Fashion | Jesus | Posted 2008-02-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Jesus: How the Fuck Did That Rumor Get Started?

Girl #1: So, what's your idea of the perfect guy?
Girl #2: Oh, I know what she'll say! Jesus.
Girl #3, blushing: She's right.
Girl #1, rolling eyes: Ugh! But you can't go down on Jesus... can you?

Franklin, North Carolina

Overheard by: J-Bake-Oh


Categories: BJs | Default | Girls | Jesus | North Carolina | Questions | Posted 2008-02-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Some Churches Have Ejector Pews

Little girl to priest: Why is it called 'Good Friday' if that's when they killed Jesus?

Homestead, Florida


Categories: Florida | Jesus | Kids | Questions | Posted 2008-02-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'm Pretty Sure Bill O'Reilly Claims To

Little girl: Mom, why isn't my last name 'Christ'? Why doesn't everyone have the last name 'Christ'?

Hill Air Force Base
Utah


Overheard by: Wasn't his middle name H?


Categories: Jesus | Kids | Names | Utah | Posted 2008-02-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Which One?

Guy #1: Let's see Grindhouse.
Guy #2: What's that about?
Guy #1: Jesus.

Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com


Categories: Idiots | Jesus | Movies | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Posted 2008-01-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

In That He Told God Everything

Kid #1: ... And so, there is an alpha male among rats--
Kid #2, interrupting: --Jesus Christ was a rat!

City High School
Iowa


Categories: Iowa | Jesus | Kids | Posted 2007-12-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or at Least Oprah

Mother: I'm going to sell you to the zoo.
Child: No, sell me to Jesus!

Billings, Montana

Overheard by: Amber


Categories: Jesus | Kids | Moms | Montana | Posted 2007-12-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Wait -- Which One Was He Again?

Skinny girl: Holy shit! Jesus wasn't rich?
Geeky guy: Um... No.
Skinny girl: So it was like a moral victory?
Geeky guy: ... What?

London
England


Categories: England | Friends | Jesus | Posted 2007-12-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Didn't Do the Reading, Did You?

Religion professor: Why did Jesus die?
Student: Loss of blood?

College of Charleston
South Carolina


Categories: Jesus | South Carolina | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'd Be Like, "Dude, This Is My Body"

Chick: I totally want to make out with Jesus. I mean, I like my boyfriend, but it's Jesus... I'm totally going to Hell.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin


Categories: Chicks | Jesus | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-10-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He Kinda Dropped the Ball with That Asteroid Thing, Though

Man: Man, I'd like to have been around when Jesus put all them dinosaurs here. I figure that woulda been pretty cool.
Friend: Yeah, that woulda been cool.

Canyonlands National Park
Moab, Utah


Overheard by: Iain


Categories: Animals | Idiots | Jesus | Stupidity | Utah | Posted 2007-09-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Jesus: No Way! I Am, Like, Twice That Size!

Girl #1: Y'know, it kind of weirds me out when I have sex with my boyfriend. He looks like Jesus.
Girl #2: Jesus wasn't Mexican.
Girl #1: Yeah, yeah, but still -- it's like I'm having sex with Jesus.
Girl #2: You should talk to your pastor about that.

Shout-out: www.overheardinvancouver.ca

Overheard by: katherine


Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Jesus | Overheard in Vancouver | Posted 2007-08-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You're Not Sure What to Bite Off First

Chick to friend: I really thought the chocolate Jesus with the giant dick would sell!

Missouri State University
Springfield, Missouri


Overheard by: Carri Jo


Categories: Candy | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Gripes | Jesus | Missouri | Penis | Posted 2007-07-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Then He Had to Leave to Feed the Holy Spirit

Cafeteria lady: Last night Jesus took me home!

Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com

Overheard by: cherrynwhite


Categories: Jesus | Overheard in Philly | Servers | Posted 2007-06-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If He's the Real Deal, He'll Forgive Me

Dude #1: Dude, did you just call Jesus a fag?
Dude #2: I did.

Billings, Montana

Overheard by: he really did


Categories: Friends | Jesus | Montana | Names | Posted 2007-05-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He Eat Brains! ... Oh, Wait

Lady with mic: Nothing is more powerful than Jesus! He die; he get up!

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: lab


Categories: Jesus | Overheard in PDX | Religious fanatics | Posted 2007-05-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Scary Up-on-the-Cross-Why'd-You-Do-This-to-Me Jesus

Girl #1: I was up until two a.m. last night. I'm so tired.
Girl #2: Why were you up so late?
Girl #1: I was talking to Jesus.
Girl #2: Oh, which one?

Wisconsin


Categories: Chicks | Jesus | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-04-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Dude, Where Have You Been for the Last 2000 Years?

Genius: ... And that's how I know Jesus is crazy.

Amherst, Massachusetts


Categories: Crazies | Jesus | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-04-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why the Bible's Endured

Kid: Mom, what's the last supper? Why is it called 'The Last Supper'?
Mom: Because it's the last meal Jesus had with his disciples.
Kid: Awesome!
Mom: ... Before one of his disciples betrayed him and he was killed.
Kid: Awesome!

Target
North Haven, Connecticut


Overheard by: Johnny Utah


Categories: Connecticut | Jesus | Kids | Moms | Stores | Posted 2007-04-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Mmm, Sacrilicious

Stoner: That's like saying Jesus and Gandhi are the same. A Gandhi would be the cinnamon bun and Jesus would be the cinnabon.

100 Main Street
Cincinnati, Ohio


Categories: Food | Gandhi | Jesus | Ohio | Stoners | Posted 2007-04-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook