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Balding yuppie guy on cell: All things being equal, I would like to drink.
(pause)
Balding yuppie guy on cell: Oh, so you guys are drinking in the convent?
Saxby's Coffee
Georgetown, Washington, DC
Girl #1: What's Scientology?
Girl #2: Isn't it like, you know, science?
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: Dave
Woman: Shhhh, people are sleeping. Not everybody wants to hear about Mormon underpants.
Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
University administrator: I've been thinking that I should start my own cult. It doesn't have to be anything sexual. It could involve squirrels.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: count me in!
Girl to mother: You know, that's why I'm so messed up. My main memories of church are smearing fake blood on a Ken doll for Cain killing Abel, with pigeons cooing at me; and dancing across the stage in a pink tutu for The Odyssey.
Aurora, Colorado
Scientologist: Excuse me, sir. Would you like a free personality test from the Church of Scientology?
Suit: I don't need one. My wife says I'm an asshole.
Outside Church of Scientology, Yonge Street
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: lauren mcgoldrick
College kid: Excuse me, what is the difference between these potato pancakes and a potato latka?
Grocery stocker: Um, I don't know what a latka is, so I couldn't tell you.
College kid: A Jewish potato pancake.
Grocery stocker: Well, those potato pancakes are German.
College kid: I wonder if a German Jew would eat them.
Sendik's Grocery Store
Grafton, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Arthur
Bimbette on cell: I thought I'd died, and then gone to, like, not heaven.
University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Jewish student, about another: Every time we talk about the holocaust she, like, throws her Jew out and spins a dreidel with it or whatever.
SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Jeni
Professor: Now, if we did eliminate illness and achieved immortality there might be serious religious repercussions. Can anyone think of how this might affect religious beliefs?
Bimbette: Well, like, if Hitler were immortal, he would, like, go to jail for, like, a million years and then, like, chill out for eternity, you know?
Eternal Youth and Immortality Seminar
Lafayette College, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: knows that Hitler would still be dead because he SHOT himself
Teacher: So when you have sex with someone who isn't a virgin, your spirit is having sex with the spirits of everyone that person had sex with.
Religion Classroom
El Paso, Texas
Loudmouthed breakfast patron: I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but what if you keep kosher and someone, like, brings a pig to your house? Like, what do you do with their pet pig?
Toast Two
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Paul
Four-year old practising just before the pageant: Hark the herald, angels sing, glory to the New York king!
Church Christmas Pageant
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: thought NY was a Fifedom
Nine-year-old girl, planning game: So he'll be the priest, and you can be the wet nurse.
Mount Vernon, New York
Man: What does it say in the bible about punching your son in the face?
Starbucks
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: wondering the same thing myself
50-ish white lady: He's a Christian rapper, but during the day he sells insurance.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Ashley
Muslim girl: Ramadan Mubarak!
Girl: What does that mean?
Muslim girl: It means, like, "Yay, it's Ramadan!"
Girl: So, like ... "Yay, I'm not eating or having sex most of the day!"?
Ottawa
Canadia
Casual guy: It's amazing how chummy they are now.
Guy in suit: Chummy? They're like having weird gay-slash-Jewish sex.
Thornton School of Music, USC
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Yapplebee
Boy: I believe in waiting until marriage.
Girl: That's funny, cause I believe in you fucking my brains out.
Bryn Mawr College
Pennsylvania
English teacher: It's a big responsibility to be a goddess, it troubles me all the time.
A.C. Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Loud guy in restaurant: So, we were out shopping and there were all these women in burkas taking pictures of each other. How fucking pointless is that? It's not like they're going to look back afterwards and go, 'Oh, look, there's Doris by the fountain!'
England
Girl to friend: So, you told him you were a nun and couldn't have friends? That's so mean!
Chic-Fil-A
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: jaye
Suit: Yeah, right, I've got a better chance of shaking hands with the Lord... And I'm a Jew.
Keene, New Hampshire
Physics professor: Hey! Listen up! I'm tired of some of you walking out or ignoring me when we talk about the Big Bang Theory. I'm not telling you God doesn't exist, so don't get your panties in a bunch! You! Sit down! Let me finish!
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Girl: I should probably go to church tomorrow. It would make my mom happy... And the priest is really fucking hot.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Intellectual: No, they believe that a guy flew a 747 through space, dumped a bunch of frozen souls in a volcano, and they escaped and are possessing mankind.
Chino High School
Chino, California
Thugette, into phone: How it gon' be warm one day, rain the next, and freezin' the next?
Asian guy: It's called a cold front. Take a science class.
Thugette: I don't need no science, nigga! I got God!
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Guy to girl: Hey, remember when my grandfather went through that phase where he wanted us to be Jewish?
Passerby: It's overrated.
Guy: ... What?
Passerby: Being Jewish -- it's overrated. There's a lot of baggage.
Public Gardens
Boston, Massachusetts
Girl #1: I'm Jewish.
Girl #2: I'm Catholic.
Girl #3: I'm Christian.
Girl #2: What kind of Christian?
Girl #3: Plain. Plain Christian.
Freedom Center
Manassas, Virginia
Overheard by: Amused Counselor
Hipster girl: He eats pork, but he won't eat pussy. He's a really bad Jew.
Ponce de Leon Avenue
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: I'm a vegetarian
Teacher, on Rosh Hashanah: Dylan?
Dylan: Here.
Teacher: Katie?
Katie: Here.
Teacher: Adam?
Class: Jew.
Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee
British woman: They asked me if I believed in Jesus and I said, 'No, but I do worship Godzilla.'
CCS Home Base, Fodome Road
Hohoe, Volta Region
Ghana, West Africa
Woman: You can't lay a guilt trip on me! I was raised Catholic!
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Jewish girl: I think I like Josh. What do you think of him?
Jewish guy: I don't like him. He's annoying. And he's a Jew.
Jewish girl: What do you mean 'And he's a Jew'? You're a Jew!
Jewish guy: No.
Jewish girl: Yes...
Jewish guy: No, I quit.
Santa Cruz, California
Woman: Did you hear about the lawyer in England who wouldn't take a Muslim woman as a client because she wore a burkha and the lawyer said she couldn't hear her?! [Holds piece of paper over her mouth] Hello! You can still hear me, right?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Woman: I can't believe this! They have that happen, but when a kid dressed up as a pirate and the school kicked him out he said he was a Pastafarian and they let him back in.
Boyfriend: Pastafarian?
Woman: You know, flying spaghetti monster as God, pirates are sacred...
Boyfriend: Oh, yeah.
Starbucks
League City, Texas
Overheard by: JustWantsCoffee
Girl #1: It's such a shame. I mean, if only there was some semblance of religious tolerance...
Girl #2: I know. Muslims, Christians, Jews... It's all the same god, but different rules.
Girl #3: Wait, is a Muslim just a black Jew?
Girl #1: ... No. A black Jew is a Jewish person who is black. It's a different religion.
Girl #3: Oh. Okay. That's confusing.
Girl #2: No, no, it's really not.
Hofstra University
Long Island, New York