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And We All Vomited Discreetly Into the Shrubbery
Guy #1: Isn't there something wrong with getting smashed at a baby shower?
Guy #2: Well, it wasn't exactly a kosher baby shower...
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: intheback
Mickey Doesn't Care, Sweetie
Girl to family: Happy 4th of July, everyone!
Kid next to girl: But I'm Jewish!
Magic Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
...On the Internet, I Met Someone Who Was All Three!
Girl #1: You should stop meeting guys off the internet so much. They're creepy.
Girl #2: The internet is the best place to meet people. I met a rapist at a job interview, a pimp at the airport, and a pedophile at church.
Norman, Oklahoma
Categories: Bonding | Compare and contrast | Girls | Internet | Jobs & Careers | Oklahoma | Religion | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was All, "What Am I, a Fucking Cow?"
Redneck girl: So do you worship cows?
Hindu boy: Yes, that's part of our religion.
Redneck girl: No, I mean you. Do you worship cows?
Hindu boy: Yes! I do, my people do, it's our religion!
Redneck girl: So when you go to church, there's a cow there?
Hindu boy: No, we don't go to church.
Redneck girl: Have you ever gone cow-tipping?
Hindu boy: What's that?
Redneck girl: It's when you run up to a cow in the middle of the night and push it over and it goes "mooooooooo!" I tried to tip a horse once, too, but it just looked at me.
High School
North Carolina
Categories: Animals | Girls | Guys | North Carolina | Questions | Rednecks | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2010-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Read The Protocols Of the Elders Of Annapolis?
Guy on phone: No I'll never join the navy. (pause) Because me joining the navy would be like Hitler joining the Jewish church!
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Kapti
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | History | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | On the phone | Religion | Posted 2010-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Well, This Has Been Fun. See You at Christmas!
Girl #1: Happy Easter! I love you!
Girl #2: Happy Easter! (pause) This is funny... We're both atheists.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Girls | Holidays | New Jersey | Religion | Posted 2010-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Tom Cruise Has It
White-haired 60-something lady on cell: I can't live there anymore. (pause) No, it's not that. She's trying to force her Scientology on me. (pause) Oh, you didn't know? Yeah, she's not a lesbian anymore. She joined Scientology to change her from being lesbian. (pause) They made her lesbian side go away.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Categories: Louisiana | On the phone | Religion | Sexuality | Women | Posted 2010-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Haven't You Seen America's Next Top Muslim?
Guy on cell: Or maybe Mohammad is just less photogenic than Jesus.
Hyde Park
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Anya
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Illinois | Jesus | On the phone | Religion | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Was Just in a Coma.
Mom: You know, I necked in that funeral home.
Daughter: Mom!
Mom: Oh, honey, it wasn't with a corpse or anything. It was a preacher's son!
West Virginia
Categories: Memory lane | Moms | Religion | Sex | Virginia | Posted 2010-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't Tennessee Enough?
American girl: I get really emotional when I'm in church. I feel like I don't deserve to be there.
Brazilian girl: That's because you deserve to be in prison.
Nashville, Tennessee
Like Medical Marijuana
16-year-old girl #1: What's Zionism?
16-year-old girl #2: The belief that Jewish people should be able to have a homeland in Israel, I think.
16-year-old girl #1: So it's like a religion?
16-year-old girl #2: No, it's a political movement.
16-year-old girl #1: Wait, so it's a religion?
Sacramento, California
Really Into Suffering, Are They?
Older lady, to friend: If your husband dies they'll find you a new one, the Jewish people.
Kansas
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Kansas | Religion | Women | Posted 2010-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Even Drag Queen Bingo?
Religion professor: Contrary to popular belief, bingo is not a sacrament!
North Central Michigan College
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Games | Michigan | Religion | Teachers | Posted 2010-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
America, Encapsulated
Woman #1: I love TGI Friday's, but if I could pick any local place to go for dinner tonight, I would pick Olive Garden.
Woman #2: Oooh, good pick! What about Macaroni Grill?
Woman #1: I love Macaroni Grill! But isn't it a little fancy for tonight?
Woman #2: No, we can go change.
Woman #1: Are you sure you're okay with driving in this city?
Woman #2: Sure, it is okay.
Woman #1: Maybe we should pray before we leave... you know, just in case.
Woman #2: Great idea.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Fears | Religion | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Their Evil Is More Insidious
Kid, watching glockenspiel chime: Look mommy, a witch!
Mommy: No honey, that's a nun.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: natalie
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Magic | Moms | Overheard in PDX | Parenting | Religion | Posted 2010-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Bad Enough the Devil's After Me for That French Manicure
Impassioned college girl: When will the gods stop punishing me for cutting my own bangs?!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: this too shall pass?
Categories: Beauty | Girls | Hair | Overheard in Minneapolis | Religion | Posted 2010-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Even Get Me Started on Jessica Simpson
Elderly man: This abstinence shit the Republicans get on about... Abstinence my ass! I've been looking at girls since I was 11. I mean: come on, the Virgin Mary is crying!
North Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: Sara
Then We'll Rebuild the Engine in My Chevy
Girl #1, excitedly: Okay, this is where I leave you. I know you're going to forget all about this conversation when I go, but...
Girl #2, interrupting: No, no, I won't--I'm going home right now to google "demons" and "possession."
Girl #1, walking away: Right, good. We're going to make this happen!
Girl #2, heading in opposite direction: Even if everyone else thinks we're crazy!
Girl #1, vehemently, from across the street: It's all down to us, now! We'll exorcise that demon if it's the last thing we do!
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Only if I can watch...
I Feel the Same Way About Jello Wrestling
Woman: How is that anything like bathing in holy water?
Man: Well, you know... it was wet!
Toronto
Canadia
Ten Bucks Says She Has a Daughter Who's Single
Lady to man putting bagels in a bag: Are you getting those because you are Jewish?
Whole Foods
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: jigawhat
Trust Me-- I Saw It on Ellen.
Nurse: We had the father bless the house when we moved in, but weird stuff keeps happening. I don't think the spirits are happy.
Secretary: Happy? You need the priest to exorcise your house! You want the spirits to be gone, not just happy!
Hospital
Burlingame, California
Overheard by: Just here for the paycheck
Categories: California | Doctor's office | Employees | Happiness | Magic | Nurses | Religion | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So He Could Cut Up His Coke.
Confused junkie: There were these two Jewish guys called Gold and Frankenstein, and they gave Jesus a mirror.
Box Hill Central
Melbourne
Australia
Don't Hold Your Breath Waiting for Divine Fireworks, Ma'am
Girl: December 27th, plenty of time to fuck someone for New Year's.
Crazy lady: I didn't hear that! I'm a Pentacostal! That's blasphemy!
Gainesville, Florida
What If You're Pregnant with a Large Tumor That Has Teeth and Hair?
Boy #1: So, I never got what the difference was between liberals and conservatives.
Boy #2: Well, conservatives like big business, and liberals like communism.
Boy #1: Oh. What if I want to be both?
Boy #2: You can't be both. It's an on/off thing. Like, you're either pregnant or you're not. Or like you're Christian or you're Islam.
High School
Minnesota
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Minnesota | Politics | Pregnancy | Questions | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wondered About the Beanie
Brunette: Are you getting him something for Christmas?
Blonde: Why would I?
Brunette: I don't know, I thought you were close!
Blonde: Christmas present? He's Jewish!
Brunette: Ohhhh.
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Gifts | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Religion | Posted 2009-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Wasn't Until Cambodia That Josh Fell Silent
20-something Jewish guy, breaking silence: It ain't easy growing up Jewish in New York City.
20-something friend: Will you stop going on about that to every person we meet?
Boat Tour
Central Vietnam
Overheard by: its not easy growing up
I'm Pretty Sure Dead Cow Is My Spirit-Animal
Coworker #1: Our courageous leader tells me our people have fallen on hard times and though the metaphorical rain may fall, our perseverance will prevail, and triumph will soon be ours.
Coworker #2: Weird, dude. Hey, wanna order Jimmy John's with me?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: coworker #3
Categories: Coworkers | Food | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Religion | Weather | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Ham.
Frathole: The thing about being Jewish is that you don't have to believe in god.
UMass
Massachusetts
Overheard by: So proud of my degree
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Frat boy types | God | Massachusetts | Religion | Stupidity | Posted 2009-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Can't Wait for That Sitcom
Very short gay man: It's so hard being a vegetarian. My parents can't accept my sexuality or my religion... I'm living in a toilet!
Guernsey
England
Overheard by: Catie
...For Talking to Me!
Student #1: Hey, how was your Easter?
Student #2: I'm Jewish, but thank you!
Paul Smith's College
New York
Overheard by: agnostic librarian
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New York | Questions | Religion | Students | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Do We.
20-something girl on cell: I had the malpractice ball this last weekend. It was in the Weisman Museum... kind of lame, not a lot of space. (pause) But I didn't bring a flask this year, so it was a little conservative, definitely a limited amount of alcohol. (pause) Are you going home for Passover? (pause) Oh my, are you converting? (pause) Yeah, I want to know what this whole Jerry Springer photo thing is all about.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: burrhead
Categories: About celebrities | Drinking & drunks | Girls | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Religion | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Sure Those Were Judas's Last Words?
Professor: And he's like, "Jesus, I wish I was pagan!"
Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Ironically, They Were Dancing to "Walk Like an Egyptian"
Hairdresser to client in salon: I really like Egypt, you know? I feel like I have a connection to Egypt, like I was there in a past life. Like, I was watching this show on the History Channel about Egypt? Or some place? And they have three religions there? The first one was this religion where everybody kisses this wall? Mmm-mm-mm-mm. They were making out with this wall! They loved that wall. And then the next religion, god told Abraham to kill his son? What kind of crazy religion is that? And then the third religion was all these people standing up, and bending down.
Client: They were probably Muslims. They were praying towards Mecca...
Hairdresser: Uh huh. And I said to my boyfriend, "that's good exercise." I was going to watch more, but Dancing with the Stars was on.
Collingswood, New Jersey
Categories: Clients | Employees | Geography | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Murder | New Jersey | Parenting | Religion | TV shows | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Are Muslims in Utah?
Boy: Why do you wear that on your head?
Muslim girl, indifferently: So the aliens don't read my brain.
High School
Utah
Overheard by: I need one of those!
Categories: Body parts | Clothes | Girls | Guys | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Utah | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Make Our Points Without Using the Word "Whatever"
Girl in anthropology class: So... Islam says that men can marry four wives, but women can only marry one husband. Whatever.
Professor: Let's try to maintain some cultural relativism!
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: nina
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Education | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Religion | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Without Being Swarmed by Seminarians
Australian tourist: God, it's so hot in here. I can't wait to get out of here and take these pants off.
Church security guard, overhearing: Yes... that is very difficult to do in a church.
Vatican City
Overheard by: LeBron
He Feels Guilty When He Calls Things Hot Trannies Messes
Fashionista student: So is he like, Christian gay from project runway?
Oblivious teacher: No, he's like Jewish gay.
American University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: I'm Jewish
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Religion | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Think You See What I'm Saying.
Philosophy teacher: Nowadays we see faith as blind belief. Is that fair to say?
Blind student: No.
Philosophy teacher: Right, why?
Blind student: I never believe anything blindly.
Santa Ana College
California
Overheard by: Frankie1way
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Disabled | Education | Health & Hygiene | Philosophy | Religion | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Remember the First Time I Felt the Sting for Forceable Intercourse and the Warmth Of Dirt...
Tour guide: The vestal virgins would be raped and buried alive if they were no longer virgins. If they let the fire go out, they would just be buried alive.
Tourist: I dunno if that's any better.
Little old Japanese woman: Hey, at least the first way you get some thrills.
Colosseum
Rome
Italy
Be Afraid, Dear Reader. Be Very Afraid.
Man with thick accent on cell: The problem is that their religion is their life. They are diabolically opposed. (long pause) Yes. I think it is time for another crusades.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Yes, But It's Pronounced "Canadia"
Professor: Back then they actually had Hell located on the map. It was in the north.
Student: In Canada?
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
That They Transport Illegally in Their Quilts?
Student: So wait, the Amish have, like, all natural steroids?
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: J.
Categories: Arizona | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Religion | Students | Posted 2009-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
President Bush Directs a Rendition Of The Wizard Of Oz
Tourist: Are you a good Muslim or a bad Muslim?
Haunted Mansion, DisneyWorld
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Eric
Categories: Compare and contrast | Florida | Questions | Religion | Tourists | Posted 2009-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Israelis Will Even Give You an Argument About That
Drunk black gangster guy, on Tel Aviv centennial celebration: I am Moses! I am Moses!
(traffic light changes, he throws arms up in air) Israelis, you may now walk!
Tel Aviv
Israel
Overheard by: E-lad
Categories: Black people | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Israel | Religion | Stupidity | Thugs | Posted 2009-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Now and Then, My Inner Cracker Pops Up and Says Stupid Shit
Black girl in car: God, I wish I was black so I could say things like that.
White girl in car: But wait...you are black.
Black girl in car: I can't believe I just said that!
Detroit, Michigan
But Good Luck Finding Feminist Theory There
Frazzled student at exam pick-up room: Where can I find religion?
Exam worker: The Catholic church across the street?
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mary
Categories: Christianity | Colleges & Universities | Default | Employees | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Questions | Religion | Students | Posted 2009-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even Nymphs and Satyrs Need a Day Off, Sir
Man wearing cargo pants, on day before Easter: So what's this foolishness about you guys being closed tomorrow?
YMCA staff member: Apparently, we're celebrating Easter.
Man wearing cargo pants: But you guys are pagan!
Naperville, Illinois
Overheard by: Lauren
British Cooking: Explained
Boy eating lunch: I am without sin! That's why potatoes come down my chimney!
Dagenham
Essex
England
Overheard by: Anthony Mercer
I'd Say White Is Fairly Accurate
Son, yelling from back of bus: Mom, what color is Jewish?
Mother: (sinks lower into her seat, pretends not to hear)
Son, yelling again: Well...is it white? Is it tan?
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Freda
Categories: Default | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Kids | Questions | Religion | San Francisco | Posted 2009-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Have Bought His Ashes on eBay
Guy in Mexican restaurant: Have you ever met the Pope?
Girl in Mexican restaurant: No. He's dead.
Groton, Connecticut
Overheard by: Newt
Categories: Connecticut | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Guys | Questions | Religion | Restaurants | Posted 2009-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks to My Son, the Doctor
Large gentile man: I'm becoming a Jewish woman!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Pennsylvania | Religion | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
JewTube's Kind Of an Open Secret, Ellie
Girl on line: Guess what! I watched a video about Jews on YouTube today!
Girl next to her, embarrassed: Shhhh!
Bear's Den, Washington University
St Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Scandalized
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Internet | Missouri | Religion | Posted 2009-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just a Little Tip from Me to You
Customer to cashier: A lot of people say the witching hour is midnight, but it's actually 3 am. I know this because I worship Satan.
Supermarket
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: RW
And Christianity Is the S&M Religion
Guy #1: Dude, like my whole body hurts.
Guy #2: Well, I told you not to hang out with those girls.
Guy #1: Yeah, but I haven't dated a religion major in a long time.
Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: dave
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Massachusetts | Religion | Posted 2009-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Exactly What Jesus Said in the New Testament Director's Cut
Girl praying at roadside cemetery to boys whistling and yelling out of car window: For fucks sake! I'm trying to fucking pray here you motherfuckers!" (returns to praying).
Sandgate Cemetery
Newcastle
Australia
Native Americans: Hey!
Random hobo: Curse your pagan gods.
Portland, Oregon
Back Up-- There Are Jews in Nebraska?
Hip daughter: Mom, is that the same guy?
Hip mom: No.
Hip daughter: Then why do they sound the exact same?
Hip mom: Because they're Jewish.
Hip daughter: Really?
Hip mom: No.
Hip daughter (laughing): Oh my god! Mom! That's...
Hip mom: Don't quote me on Facebook.
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: robert taylor
Knitted Her Own Wings
Female flight attendant on cell: She was the ugliest woman I had ever seen in my life! But I swear she was my guardian angel. (sighs)
Seatac airport
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Girls | Religion | Washington | Words | Posted 2009-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Like Four Different MTV Specials in One!
(two hipsters stare quizzically at short Chinese-American male)
Chinese-American male: No, what's confusing is I'm becoming Mormon and having a sex change.
UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Gender issues | Guys | Religion | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Most Cancer Patients Don't Have to Go Make Amends Afterwards, Though
Woman #1: Having alcoholism isn't like having cancer. People don't like you more for having beat it.
Woman #2: Amen.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Pennsylvania | Religion | Women | Posted 2009-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Think Church Is Working for You, Ramón
Guy: Who's that?
Girl: That's jenny.
Guy: How do we know her?
Girl: From church. She's so humble and pretty! And to think she looks like that after giving birth!
Guy: Ugh! What a bitch!
Mall
Manila
Philippines
So, With the Curve, That's a Sixteen.
Guy in pub: How can you have a scale of one to two?
Friend: It's a scale of one to seven, two being the highest. Our sins are a two.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: kj
It's Easy for the Deaf to Maintain Friendships
Old woman #1: She tried putting it everywhere, in the lamp and the overhead light, nothing worked.
Old woman #2: The violin is not my favorite instrument. It's too high pitched.
Old woman #1: I'm worried someone might steal the soup from the church, you never know who's in there now.
Old woman #2: Of course Justin never paid that bill, so I covered it for him.
Train
Melbourne
Australia
So This Is All Magic
Hausfrau dragging small son into hall of prehistory: Now remember, we don't believe in evolution!
Smithsonian Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: In the right museum
Categories: Default | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | Religion | Science | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About Gossip Girl
Drunk episcopal priest in wine cellar: Yes! Yes! Science fiction is like religion, only backwards!
Penn Yan, New York
Overheard by: Liz
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | New York | Religion | Religious fanatics | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So of Course I'm Bummed That They'll All Burn in a Lake of Hellfire
Mormon girl: When I grow up, I want to celebrate Chanukah! I mean, I just like Jews. I like Jew food, Jew noses, Jew hair styles... Oh my gosh, I love those curly bangs! I just want to pull one and watch it go "sproinnnnng!"
IHOP
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: I'm Jewish, but surprisingly NOT offended...
Categories: Body parts | Default | Feelings | Food | Girls | Hair | Religion | Restaurants | Utah | Posted 2009-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Happens When Whoopi Goldberg Is Your Bible School Teacher
Mother to young son: What did you learn in church today?
Son: I told you.
Mother: What was it again?
Son: That when you play tic-tac-toe it's best to pick the middle square.
Costco
Boise, Idaho
Though Dancing on the Altar Was My Idea
Girl #1, after hearing embarrassing story: Yeah, that reminds me of the time I got kicked out of the Vatican for being a whore.
Girl #2: Seriously? Kicked out?
Girl #1: It was my dad's fault, though. He told me I could wear my short skirt.
Thai Restaurant
Boone, North Carolina
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Categories: Clothes | Default | Family ties | Girls | North Carolina | Questions | Religion | Restaurants | Posted 2009-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Total Crap, But the Wine Selection's Incredible
Woman #1: It's raining, didn't you pray for no rain this morning in church?
Woman #2: No, we just shook hands and congratulated ourselves on our own self-righteousness.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Amy
An Army Of One
Guy coming out of bathroom: Dude, did you hear the angels singing?
Friend: What?
Guy: Man, that shit was magical.
Camp LeJeune, North Carolina
Yeah? Shalom, Baby
Black man, approaching black woman wrapped in garments with only her eyes visible: Salam Aleikum.
Woman: I'm not Muslim, muthafucka, I'm cold!
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Michael
There's a Thin Line Between Orthodox and Lesbian Shoes
Girl #1: So I was talking to Ashley yesterday...
Girl #2: Which one?
Girl #1: Ashley, the lesbian who keeps trying to hook me up with gay guys.
Girl #2: Oh, Jewish Ashley!
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
The New 90210 Characters Are Just As Douchey As the Originals
Man on cell: Behold, Beverly, my codpiece is enormous! Praise be to Jupiter!
Flagstaff, Arizona
Overheard by: Freezair
Even When You've Got Steak at Home, Sometimes You Go Out for a Cheeseburger
Classics professor: Yeah, Zeus liked to turn into animals in order to get some. Hey, I just study it; I don't justify it.
Memorial University
St. John's, Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Categories: Animals | Books | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Religion | Sexuality | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Love It As a Band Name
Jock in business attire #1: Islamic golf carts.
Jock in business attire #2: Sick, dude. Sick.
Georgetown University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: taylor
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Geography | Jocks | Religion | Suits | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Was That What Elvis' Song Was About?
Redneck lady: Here's where they stop believing the bible is true. This is where you end up, the ghetto.
Creation Museum
Petersburg, Kentucky
Overheard by: Going to hell
Eh, Christians Say Yes; Jews Say Hell, No
Blonde student to teacher: Is the New Testament in the Torah?
Edmonton
Canadia
Religion Does Seem to Be the Opium Of the People
Tourist mom: I'm fascinated by religions. I always read about them. But I've been watching this four-hour documentary on the Mormons and I can't really get into it.
Daughter: Why not?
Tourist mom: Well, every time I watch it I fall asleep.
Temple Square
Salt Lake City, Utah
Not As Fun As Quiet Contemplation Of Our Lord's Bounty, But Close
Middle-aged African American bus driver: So what if she is? I wear heels and I'm 5′8". I wear them to church.
Prim-looking Caucasian female passenger: Oh, but at least at church you're sitting down.
Middle-aged African American bus driver: Oh no, honey. I'm up singing and dancing. I go to a black church. We get our praise on.
Prim-looking Caucasian female passenger (after uncomfortable pause): That sounds fun.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: yes it does
Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Conductors | Default | Overheard in Minneapolis | Race | Religion | Shoes | Whiteys | Women | Posted 2008-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Going to Synagogue Is Supposed to Be a Drag
Teen goth girl: Yeah, I was going to go. But, seriously, what's the point of Bar Mitzvahs without trannies?
Bridgeland
Calgary
Canadia
From The Mouths of Babes...
Little boy (pointing at large crucifix in graveyard): What is that guy doing?
Babysitter: That's Jesus.
Little boy: But why is he bloody? Is he dead?
Babysitter: Yes.
Little boy: But Jesus is still alive, isn't he? Why would somebody kill Jesus? And why would they make him go up on that thing?
Babysitter: You know what? It's a complicated story and we'll talk about it later.
Little boy: Bloody Jesus is scary.
Mission Santa Barbara, California
I've Seen Enough Of Hell
Little girl: I don't want to go to heaven. I want to go to Texas.
Teacher: How about you go to heaven after you go to Texas?
Little girl: Nah. I just wanna go to Texas.
Vacation Bible School
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Not from here
Categories: Default | Girls | Kids | Louisiana | Questions | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | US Geography | Wishes | Posted 2008-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Sorority Initiation Names Are Nicer Than Others
Bible thumper pointing at chick: You're the master baiter!
University Quad
Illinois State
Overheard by: a fellow masterbater
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Illinois | Names | Religion | Religious fanatics | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Friends
White guy: So, is it true that when you die you go to heaven and get forty virgins to do whatever with?
Muslim guy: No, that's wrong. It's heaven: you get as many virgins as you want.
Liberty High School
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Guys | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Whiteys | Posted 2008-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not the Worst Thing He Could Mean by "The Whacker"
Sunday school teacher (showing picture of Good Shepherd): Who can tell me who this is?
Kid: That's Jesus with the whacker!
Teacher (puzzled): You mean he takes the sheep out for a walk?
Kid (pointing to the shepherd's crook): No, when one of the sheep tries to get away from Jesus, he whacks them with it so they won't go!
Shout-out: overheardintheward.blogspot.com
She Sent Me So I Could Learn to Drink
Pregnant teen waiting in lunch line: Yeah, I'm having the shower at my grandma's. My mom said she did not send me to that fancy Catholic school just so I could get knocked up.
Publis High School
Cincinnati, Ohio
Categories: Default | Education | Family ties | Ohio | Preggers | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2008-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Prepare to Fly Away, White Crane Brain
Explosive, neurotic 20-something to friend: Say your prayers, mantis pants!
Vancouver, BC
Canadia
Oh, the Hora! The Hora!
Queer #1: I remember you! Are you Jewish?
Queer #2: No! I'm from Charleston!
Gay Strip Club
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Oh, thank god!
It's Kind of a Vicious Cycle, Isn't It?
Female suit #1: She's just sad and lonely.
Female suit #2: That's no excuse for Mormonism.
Santa Barbara, California
Glittery Leopard Print? We'd Say So
Girl in fitting room: These leggings are totally going to ruin my karma.
Forever 21
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: lisa
Ashley Olsen Dating Lance Armstrong Was the Final Nail in the Coffin
Preppy girl #1: So the Apocalypse is totally going to happen... It's scary.
Preppy girl #2: Yeah, I know, right?
High School Hall
Ontario
Canadia
Should've Realized He Wasn't "Chosen" When He Never Got Picked for T-Ball
Girl to friend: So he was already crying because he found out we weren't Jewish. Then he was like, "But aunt Jill is Jewish! Why aren't we?!" My mom had to explain that Jill's her best friend, not her sister. So then he found out we weren't related to Jacob and everyone. So he cried even harder.
Friend: Wow.
Girl: Yeah, but he was like 10, so he should have just sucked it up.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Tyler
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Massachusetts | Religion | Posted 2008-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Somebody Check the Vatican Website for Me
Ethics professor: Killing drug dealers is okay, but killing priests is wrong. Wait, I may have that backwards...
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Either That or Christina Aguilera
Tween boy: I'm going to make Buddha the theme of my Bar Mitzvah.
Uninterested yuppie mom: Mmhmmm.
TJ Maxx
Swampscott, Massachusetts
Overheard by: money well spent
The Gospel Rap Song That's Sweeping the Charts
(group bows heads and man begins to pray)
Girl (just realizing prayer has started): Oh! Holy shit! We're praying?!
Shawnee Mission Park
Shawnee, Kansas
Kiss Me, KKKate Runs Into Trouble in Rehearsals
Girl #1: Jane*, I've gotten worse...
Girl #2: At what?
Girl #1: At hating Jews.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Laughing hysterically
A Plague on Both Their Home Courts!
Chick #1: Mike Dunleavy went to a Catholic school, and Troy Murphy went to a Jesuit school.
Chick #2: They're star-crossed lovers! One is a Catholic, the other a Jesuit!
Pepsi Center
Denver, Colorado
Categories: About celebrities | Chicks | Christianity | Colorado | Religion | Posted 2008-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Explanation of "Airtight" Was Too Much for Them
Girl at mall: Did I tell you about traumatizing the Amish family?
Champaign, Illinois
Overheard by: Frito Bandito
In the Sense That I Won't Do the Reading Anyway
Spacey English major: So... he's a queer writer, right?
Surprised teaching assistant: No. He's just Jewish American.
Spacey English major: Oh, same thing.
University of Tennessee
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Jessica
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Insults | Religion | Sexuality | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Tennessee | Posted 2008-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The "Eating Fetuses" Comment Kinda Pushed You over the Edge
Guy: I'm pretty positive that on judgment day, god is going to have a live action replay of this conversation and be like: "See... And you were so close!"
University of Kentucky
Lexington, Kentucky
Though Nicole's Already Tagging and Auctioning Off My Belongings
Old lady to friend: I've been praying for the strength to be friendly with Nicole*, but she makes it so difficult! Goddamit, I am going to heaven, so either she has to shape up soon or I have to try not to die!
San Jose, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Old folks | Religion | Wishes | Posted 2008-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mommy Lost Him During That Spring Break Trip to Tijuana
Mother (giving four-year-old a children's bible): Here, find Jesus for mommy.
Doctor's Office
Ashland, Kentucky
Overheard by: Lola
Categories: Christianity | Default | Jesus | Kentucky | Moms | Offers and requests | Religion | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2008-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Heaven Entrance Exam Is Teeming With Poetry Questions
Teacher (about poetry assignment): Some of you did a good job and wrote some wonderful things. Some of you just did the assignment. Some of you haven't even turned it in. Those people are going to hell.
TJHSST
Alexandria, Virginia
They Have a Cool Little Hotspot Called Bar Nun
Balding yuppie guy on cell: All things being equal, I would like to drink.
(pause)
Balding yuppie guy on cell: Oh, so you guys are drinking in the convent?
Saxby's Coffee
Georgetown, Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | On the phone | Questions | Religion | Restaurants | Washington, DC | Wishes | Yuppies | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kind They Blind You With
Girl #1: What's Scientology?
Girl #2: Isn't it like, you know, science?
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: Dave
And Their Latter-Day Stains
Woman: Shhhh, people are sleeping. Not everybody wants to hear about Mormon underpants.
Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
To What Extent Would It Involve Nut Gathering?
University administrator: I've been thinking that I should start my own cult. It doesn't have to be anything sexual. It could involve squirrels.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: count me in!
Christianity's All About the Special Effects
Girl to mother: You know, that's why I'm so messed up. My main memories of church are smearing fake blood on a Ken doll for Cain killing Abel, with pigeons cooing at me; and dancing across the stage in a pink tutu for The Odyssey.
Aurora, Colorado
Just the Guy We've Been Looking For!
Scientologist: Excuse me, sir. Would you like a free personality test from the Church of Scientology?
Suit: I don't need one. My wife says I'm an asshole.
Outside Church of Scientology, Yonge Street
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: lauren mcgoldrick
Categories: Canadia | Default | Hubbies | Insults | Offers and requests | Relationships | Religion | Religious fanatics | Suits | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
....If There Any Left
College kid: Excuse me, what is the difference between these potato pancakes and a potato latka?
Grocery stocker: Um, I don't know what a latka is, so I couldn't tell you.
College kid: A Jewish potato pancake.
Grocery stocker: Well, those potato pancakes are German.
College kid: I wonder if a German Jew would eat them.
Sendik's Grocery Store
Grafton, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Arthur
Turns Out Hell Is Nicer Than Michigan
Bimbette on cell: I thought I'd died, and then gone to, like, not heaven.
University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Fears | Michigan | On the phone | Religion | Posted 2008-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With the Help of Her Lovely Assistant
Jewish student, about another: Every time we talk about the holocaust she, like, throws her Jew out and spins a dreidel with it or whatever.
SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Jeni
Good Point --No Effect on Religious Beliefs
Professor: Now, if we did eliminate illness and achieved immortality there might be serious religious repercussions. Can anyone think of how this might affect religious beliefs?
Bimbette: Well, like, if Hitler were immortal, he would, like, go to jail for, like, a million years and then, like, chill out for eternity, you know?
Eternal Youth and Immortality Seminar
Lafayette College, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: knows that Hitler would still be dead because he SHOT himself
Categories: Bimbettes | Class | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Education | History | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Questions | Religion | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Know It's True --I Heard It from a Christian Rapper
Teacher: So when you have sex with someone who isn't a virgin, your spirit is having sex with the spirits of everyone that person had sex with.
Religion Classroom
El Paso, Texas
Build Him a Sukkah?
Loudmouthed breakfast patron: I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but what if you keep kosher and someone, like, brings a pig to your house? Like, what do you do with their pet pig?
Toast Two
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Paul
Nas: It's About Time
Four-year old practising just before the pageant: Hark the herald, angels sing, glory to the New York king!
Church Christmas Pageant
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: thought NY was a Fifedom
Crap --I Hate Eighteenth-Century Make-Believe
Nine-year-old girl, planning game: So he'll be the priest, and you can be the wet nurse.
Mount Vernon, New York
As Long As You Don't Lie in the Same Bed Together, It's All Good
Man: What does it say in the bible about punching your son in the face?
Starbucks
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: wondering the same thing myself
Categories: Books | Guys | North Carolina | Offspring | Parenting | Questions | Religion | Restaurants | Violence | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
His Life Is a Rich Tapestry of Loud Bullshit
50-ish white lady: He's a Christian rapper, but during the day he sells insurance.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Ashley
It Doesn't Translate Well
Muslim girl: Ramadan Mubarak!
Girl: What does that mean?
Muslim girl: It means, like, "Yay, it's Ramadan!"
Girl: So, like ... "Yay, I'm not eating or having sex most of the day!"?
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Comebacks | Girls | Holidays | Insults | Language barrier | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | Words | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Knew a Menorah Could Even Be Used That Way?
Casual guy: It's amazing how chummy they are now.
Guy in suit: Chummy? They're like having weird gay-slash-Jewish sex.
Thornton School of Music, USC
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Yapplebee
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Guys | Religion | Sex | Suits | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Take a Bite of This Apple
Boy: I believe in waiting until marriage.
Girl: That's funny, cause I believe in you fucking my brains out.
Bryn Mawr College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Bimbettes | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Religion | Religious fanatics | Sex | Students | Wishes | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Using a Venus Razor Does Not Make You a Goddess, Ms. Pratt
English teacher: It's a big responsibility to be a goddess, it troubles me all the time.
A.C. Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Categories: Bragging | Default | Gripes | Pride | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | South Carolina | Teachers | Women | Posted 2008-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Fountain on the Right
Loud guy in restaurant: So, we were out shopping and there were all these women in burkas taking pictures of each other. How fucking pointless is that? It's not like they're going to look back afterwards and go, 'Oh, look, there's Doris by the fountain!'
England
Whatever, Ms. "I'm Allergic to Sex"
Girl to friend: So, you told him you were a nun and couldn't have friends? That's so mean!
Chic-Fil-A
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: jaye
Categories: Default | Girls | Gripes | North Carolina | Religion | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Than of Ever Tanning without Burning
Suit: Yeah, right, I've got a better chance of shaking hands with the Lord... And I'm a Jew.
Keene, New Hampshire
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | New Hampshire | Religion | Suits | Posted 2008-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Stop Throwing the Panties.
Physics professor: Hey! Listen up! I'm tired of some of you walking out or ignoring me when we talk about the Big Bang Theory. I'm not telling you God doesn't exist, so don't get your panties in a bunch! You! Sit down! Let me finish!
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Father Martin, Why Is This Pew Wet and Sticky?
Girl: I should probably go to church tomorrow. It would make my mom happy... And the priest is really fucking hot.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Compliments | Default | Eavesdrop DC | Family ties | Girls | Religion | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I See Tom Cruise, It's Kinda Hard to Argue
Intellectual: No, they believe that a guy flew a 747 through space, dumped a bunch of frozen souls in a volcano, and they escaped and are possessing mankind.
Chino High School
Chino, California
Categories: California | Default | Guys | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Has He Given You a Satisfactory Answer to That Question?
Thugette, into phone: How it gon' be warm one day, rain the next, and freezin' the next?
Asian guy: It's called a cold front. Take a science class.
Thugette: I don't need no science, nigga! I got God!
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
The Uncontrollable Urge to Enter Other People's Conversations, for Instance
Guy to girl: Hey, remember when my grandfather went through that phase where he wanted us to be Jewish?
Passerby: It's overrated.
Guy: ... What?
Passerby: Being Jewish -- it's overrated. There's a lot of baggage.
Public Gardens
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Religion | Strangers | Posted 2008-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
None of Your Fancy Airs and Graces for Us
Girl #1: I'm Jewish.
Girl #2: I'm Catholic.
Girl #3: I'm Christian.
Girl #2: What kind of Christian?
Girl #3: Plain. Plain Christian.
Freedom Center
Manassas, Virginia
Overheard by: Amused Counselor
Just because He Likes His Pork Pulled?
Hipster girl: He eats pork, but he won't eat pussy. He's a really bad Jew.
Ponce de Leon Avenue
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: I'm a vegetarian
Yikes, Where?
Teacher, on Rosh Hashanah: Dylan?
Dylan: Here.
Teacher: Katie?
Katie: Here.
Teacher: Adam?
Class: Jew.
Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee
The Second-Greatest Story Ever Told
British woman: They asked me if I believed in Jesus and I said, 'No, but I do worship Godzilla.'
CCS Home Base, Fodome Road
Hohoe, Volta Region
Ghana, West Africa
Categories: Africa | Foreigners | Religion | Posted 2007-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Roll My Own
Woman: You can't lay a guilt trip on me! I was raised Catholic!
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Grumpies | Overheard in California's Journal | Religion | Posted 2007-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He'll Be Back.
Jewish girl: I think I like Josh. What do you think of him?
Jewish guy: I don't like him. He's annoying. And he's a Jew.
Jewish girl: What do you mean 'And he's a Jew'? You're a Jew!
Jewish guy: No.
Jewish girl: Yes...
Jewish guy: No, I quit.
Santa Cruz, California
Categories: California | Jews | Religion | Posted 2007-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Back Up -- They Kicked Him Out for Dressing As a Pirate?
Woman: Did you hear about the lawyer in England who wouldn't take a Muslim woman as a client because she wore a burkha and the lawyer said she couldn't hear her?! [Holds piece of paper over her mouth] Hello! You can still hear me, right?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Woman: I can't believe this! They have that happen, but when a kid dressed up as a pirate and the school kicked him out he said he was a Pastafarian and they let him back in.
Boyfriend: Pastafarian?
Woman: You know, flying spaghetti monster as God, pirates are sacred...
Boyfriend: Oh, yeah.
Starbucks
League City, Texas
Overheard by: JustWantsCoffee
Luckily She Had a Picture of Sammy Davis, Jr. in Her Wallet
Girl #1: It's such a shame. I mean, if only there was some semblance of religious tolerance...
Girl #2: I know. Muslims, Christians, Jews... It's all the same god, but different rules.
Girl #3: Wait, is a Muslim just a black Jew?
Girl #1: ... No. A black Jew is a Jewish person who is black. It's a different religion.
Girl #3: Oh. Okay. That's confusing.
Girl #2: No, no, it's really not.
Hofstra University
Long Island, New York
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | New York | Religion | Stupidity | Posted 2007-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
