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Bella Has Yet to Date Anyone Who Meets Her Father's Approval
Guy on phone: Hold on a minute, I just have to cut something off my daughter...
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Character | Guys | New Jersey | On the phone | Parenting | Relationships | Posted 2011-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Charlie Sheen, Never Change!
Abusive downstairs neighbor to girlfriend trying to break up with him: I haven't called you a bitch or a cunt in ages and I am proud of that!
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Nicole
Categories: Bragging | California | Guys | Insults | Relationships | Posted 2011-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Trust Me-- I Gave Derek His First Blow Job.
Sophomore girl #1: Did you hear Matt and Derek are going out now?
Sophomore girl #2: No way! I totally gave Matt his first blow job. He can't be gay! (pauses) Oh my god! Do you think I turned him gay?
Passing junior guy: Yeah, that'd do it.
High School
Annapolis, Maryland
Bipolar Women Can Be Highly Entertaining Life Partners
Girl on phone: All right, bye. I love you sometimes.
Durham, North Carolina
Categories: Character | Compliments | Girls | North Carolina | On the phone | Relationships | Posted 2011-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Was Actually Dead, So the Joke Was on Me
Guy #1: So how was work?
Guy #2: I didn't go.
Guy #1: Oh, take a day off, did you?
Guy #2: Well, I went to Erin*'s house to see if she wanted to talk to my boss about getting a job but she was still asleep, and she looked cute, so I joined her.
Guy #1: Good excuse.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: Beauty | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2011-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Spanish-Language Soap Opera, in a Nutshell.
Girl in next aisle: Spanish doctor, pregnant nurse! Oh, snap!
Barnes & Noble
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania
Categories: Feelings | Girls | Pennsylvania | Pregnancy | Race | Relationships | Posted 2011-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Think I Didn't Learn About Heteronormativity in Preschool
Young boy to mother, after getting cup of tea: Oh, what's this? A cup of tea for me? Are you married? Pah! I don't want your married germs!
Akaroa French Fest
New Zealand
Categories: Health & Hygiene | New Zealand | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2011-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Lassie "E! True Hollywood Story" Was Too Controversial for TV
40-something suit: You know how sometimes you can love a dog so much it's, like, illegal?
40-something woman: (looks at him blankly)
40-something suit: You know? So that it's, like, illegal?
40-something woman, looking straight ahead: Umm, let's look at Halloween candy.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I love my dog, but not that much
Categories: Animals | Candy | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Suits | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Darling, Should We Rethink the Flat-Earth Primary School?
Seven-year-old son: And then you two are going to go home and... (whistles)
Father: Meaning?
Seven-year-old son: Have sex.
Mother: Darren!
Five-year-old son: Don't be silly! Girls don't have sex.
London
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Well It Works in Her Favor!
Girl: I'm hanging out with Claire today, that's why I can't stay later.
Guy: Is Claire the one with the awesome accent?
Girl: She has a speech impediment.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Leonard
Categories: Girls | Guys | Language barrier | Maladies | Questions | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2011-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After He Rejected My Floss Bouquet
Girl to friend: I love him. I just want to clean his teeth, I sent him that in a message on MySpace, you know.
Pantages Theatre
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Juicetine
Categories: California | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Relationships | Wishes | Posted 2011-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, I Know You Don't Know Me, But I've Got It All Planned Out
Happy, 30-something Indian suit, on phone in check-out line: Yes. Yes! She will be my sugar momma and you will be my wife. (pause) My sugar momma!
Wegmans, Dulles Airport
Washington, DC
Categories: Family ties | Relationships | Suits | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Period.
Girl to friend: All you have to do is say something about menstruation and every man within earshot becomes uncomfortable.
Michigan State University
Categories: Etiquette | Girls | Michigan | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2011-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did You Really Just Say That?
Guy #1: I've been talking to this chick lately. It's kinda awkward, her last boyfriend killed himself, she found him dangling on the noose. What do I say to that?
Guy #2: Tell her you're well-hung.
Delaware
Overheard by: Dave
Categories: Death & dying | Delaware | Guys | Relationships | Words | Posted 2011-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next Time, Do It in Your Coy, Playful Way!
Angry Jersey girl on cell: No, you hung up on me in your manic, crazy way.
Church Tag Sale
New Jersey
Categories: Feelings | Girls | New Jersey | On the phone | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the Gateway Drug for Straight Porn
Boyfriend #1: If I go home and find one piece of tranny porn on my computer, I am going to melt all your chocolate-covered pistachios and pour the chocolate down the toilet. I don't know what I'm going to do with the nuts... probably freeze them. I don't know...
Boyfriend #2: That is seriously life-ruining shit. Like a PSA on how tranny porn ruins lives.
Mountain View, California
Overheard by: Koora
Categories: California | Couples | Porn | Relationships | Threats | Posted 2011-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ten Bucks Says She's Fucking Other Guys on It.
Shaven-headed guy #1, while pissing: So she says to me, "can you take out the rubbish?" I said no. Then she asked me, "can you change the cat litter?" I said no. Then she asked me, "can you fix the back door..?"
Shaven-headed guy #2, while pissing: And you said no?
Shaven-headed guy #1: Yeah. Anyway, so for Valentine's Day she gets me a ping pong table. I didn't get her anything. And now I won't let her use the ping pong table.
Shaven-headed guy #2: You're the fucking man, mate!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: England | Gifts | Guys | Offers and requests | Relationships | Posted 2011-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Death Has a Job in This Economy.
Imaginative little boy to brother: That's evil's house, and then death comes walking out of it and he's like, "I hate my job." And then he accidentally taps his wife on the head and is like, "noooo!"
London
England
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Categories: Death & dying | England | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Want to Be the Straight-shooter, If You Know What I Mean.
Male mountain biker: All we ever did was make out. And that's not what I want in a relationship. If I wanted a hook-up buddy I'd at least get one who would suck my dick. I mean, there's like 14 girls I could go to right now. So that's why I broke up with her.
Female mountain biker: Yeah... She was pretty straightforward though, wasn't she?
Crafton Hills, California
Overheard by: they didn't even notice I was wearing hiking in slippers
Categories: BJs | Bragging | California | Guys | Relationships | Posted 2011-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Kind Of Sorry-Ass Man Drinks at Applebees?
Loud drunk man at bar to attractive woman leaving restaurant: Can I take you out to McDonald's sometime?
Woman: No, I'm married. Thanks for the offer, though.
Drunk man: Married? Well, shoot! Where's your husband at then?
Woman: He's working.
Drunk man: Working? Well, hell! I work sometimes too!
Applebee's
Beaufort, South Carolina
Categories: Drunks | Etiquette | Food | Offers and requests | Philosophy | Relationships | South Carolina | Women | Posted 2011-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But If Your Only Other Choice Is Golf...
Roommate, through wall: Oh, Ellen*, not naked psychology again...
St Andrews
Scotland
Categories: Guys | Relationships | Scotland | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: ...Until After We Have Sex
Slightly austistic girl to slightly austistic boyfriend: I just don't want our relationship to be dysfunctional...
Slightly austistic boyfriend: No! No! It won't...
School Bus
Categories: Couples | Public transportation | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2011-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Alanis Morissette Should Really Move on With Her Life
Angry girl shouting to her boyfriend hysterically: I can't believe you're ditching me, you will never, never, never find a girl like me in your entire fucking life again!
Boyfriend: That is the point.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Tadashi
Categories: Character | Comebacks | Couples | New York | Relationships | Posted 2011-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well You're the One Who Said The Cheetah Club Was Out!
Girlfriend: No, tell me, I do wanna know where you want our wedding!
Boyfriend: Funplex.
Girlfriend: You want our wedding at Funplex?
Passerby: Oh, shit!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Walking by
Categories: Couples | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So Just Let Me Trim the Ellen Haircut Already!
Annoyed teenage boy to girlfriend: You've got to understand that I'm never going to be Justin Bieber!
London
England
Overheard by: KK
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Couples | England | Relationships | Posted 2011-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Sassy New Rap Song by Gloria Steinem
Old redneck to wife: I don't need no damn misogynist. I done tried that, and it didn't help.
Greenville, South Carolina
Categories: Character | Couples | Feelings | Insults | Relationships | South Carolina | Posted 2011-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have the Sense to Be Grateful
Guy, sweetly to girlfriend: Hey, honey!
Guy friend: Did you know your voice changes when you talk to her?
Guy: Of course! She's the one who fucks me.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Character | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2011-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Oh Wait, That's Just My Blackberry.
Girlfriend to boyfriend who is trying hard not to look at a hot girl dancing sexily: Don't worry baby, I'm getting the erection for you.
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Beauty | Couples | Erections | New York | Relationships | Posted 2011-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So, Logically, We Should Fuck Their Assholes.
Guy to another: You know we're dating the nicest girls in the world, right? And we took their virginities! So you know that if we break up with them we're gonna be the assholes. We're fucked.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Guys | New Jersey | Relationships | Sexuality | Virginity | Posted 2011-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Edna and Paul's Relationship Begins to Flounder
Husband to wife: I've been married to you for 35 years and I still don't understand your thought process on trout.
Florence, Kentucky
Categories: Couples | Kentucky | Philosophy | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2011-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You'd Watch Their Reality Show.
30-something woman: I will never find true love.
Barely legal guy: Well, you've got a husband, you've got me, and you've got the two other guys you're sleeping with, so it's not for lack of trying!
Clarksville, Indiana
Categories: Compliments | Feelings | Guys | Happiness | Indiana | Relationships | Women | Posted 2011-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Said You Loved My Steak Fry With the Skin on
Guy: Man, there's too much ketchup on my plate, it looks like my fries committed suicide.
Girl: I often think about that before I stick you in my mouth, too.
Guy: Fuck off , Andrea.
Northern Alabama
You Haven't Lived 'Til You've Seen Me Applaud with Them.
Cute girl: I have great tits!
Gay friend, skeptically: I guess they're nice...
Cute girl: No, really. Each of my last four boyfriends or longish-term hookup buddies were ass-men when they met me, and by the time we split, they'd each been converted to boob-men.
Gay friend, still skeptical: That may just mean your ass isn't great.
Cute girl: Damn, you're so cup-half-empty. My ass is great. My tits are just phenomenal.
Manhattan, New York
...Whilst I Watch, Eating This Popcorn.
Girl, carrying armloads of stuff: I don't have a free hand to lock the door with.
Boyfriend, in most sketch-ass tone imaginable: Use your mouth.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Hazzenkockle
Categories: Couples | Florida | Mouth | Offers and requests | Relationships | Posted 2011-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Advertised As Used Bicycles
Cab driver, ending phone call: That's why you never marry a chick that'll swallow for an extra $20. Can't believe people like that are on Craigslist!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | BJs | Massachusetts | On the phone | Relationships | Posted 2011-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When One Partner Wants to Have "The Talk," It Just Fucking Happens
Man on cell on train: No, I told you nothing's wrong, I'm just tired. (very long pause) No, nothing's wrong. We don't need to have a talk. (long pause) No, I told you, nothing's wrong. I'm on the train. (very long pause, then annoyed) Do you want to make that pasta tonight? That sounds like fun.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Food | Illinois | On the phone | Public transportation | Relationships | Posted 2011-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Would You Mind Shutting Up and Blowing Me?
Guy: I don't have a favorite person. (pause, then begrudgingly) Well, I guess my favorite person is her... (points at girlfriend)
Girlfriend, unenthusiastically: Well, gee.
Park Tavern
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Compliments | Couples | New Jersey | Relationships | Vagina | Posted 2011-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Presenting This Year's Sweetest Rejection
Tall Hispanic woman to one-legged Hispanic man in wheelchair: Nigga, I get with you, I have triplets--got that supersperm!
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: chuck
Categories: Florida | Latinas | Pride | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2011-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: She Won't Leave Her Husband for Me
Lesbian, about ex girlfriend: I mean, the only thing liberal about her is she's gay.
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Georgia | Lesbos | Politics | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2011-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Way to Start Off the Marriage with a Splash!
50-something Southern belle: We got married last year and he refused to leave for the honeymoon until he went gator hunting. We didn't consummate for three days!
South Carolina
Categories: Gripes | Relationships | Sexuality | South Carolina | Women | Posted 2010-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Match.com Steps Up Their Game
Guy #1: So I sent her a picture of my junk.
Guy #2: Right.
Guy #1: Problem solved.
Sandusky, Ohio
Categories: Guys | Ohio | Penis | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Female Blacknerds Can Afford to Be Picky in Choosing a Mate
Hot, black female nerd on phone: No, I don't need you to explain to me why Batman can't be Asian. That's a conversation we only need to have once.
Connecticut
Overheard by: Bruce Lee Wayne
Categories: About celebrities | Black people | Connecticut | On the phone | Race | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Last Time I Tried That, I Ended Up at the E.R.
Man gassing up his pickup truck to screaming woman inside: Goddammit, Delores, I cannot unfuck that woman!
Gas Station, Alabama
Oh, Biblically.
Five-year-old girl, pointing to picture on cup: Who's that?
Babysitter: That's Ronald McDonald.
Five-year-old girl: Oh... How do you know him?
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Categories: About celebrities | Babysitters | Kids | New York | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2010-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ooo, and He Could Design My Dress!
Girl #1, listening to John Denver: This is a great song. Especially if you're gay. You should have this at your wedding.
Girl #2: Well, if I marry a gay guy, it'll be great.
Phildelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Fag hags | Family ties | Music | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Posted 2010-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pop Quiz: Calculate the Odds It Will Actually Be Fine
Guy to girl in motel breakfast room: Fine! You want to fuck, then let's fuck!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Couples | Feelings | Relationships | Sex | Washington | Posted 2010-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When a Marriage Unravels, Both Spouses Know
Girl: I had a dream you died, and I woke up crying.
Guy: I woke up screaming, but that's because I dreamed I was being chased by aliens.
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Couples | Gender issues | Relationships | Threats | Washington | Posted 2010-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ah, the Lewinsky Defense
Skinny Latina girl, insistently: I didn't lead him on! But we had sex.
Berkeley, California
Categories: California | Character | Latinas | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aww, There You Go Again!
Guy to girl making a sound of discontentment: What was that? It was kinda cute. Do it again!
Girl: You think my discontentment is cute?!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | Feelings | Gripes | New Jersey | Relationships | Posted 2010-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Amicable Separation:" Defined
Woman to others: And every time she sees him, she shakes her fist at him, like this! (shakes fist in the air)
Harris Teeter
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Crazies | Feelings | Hands | North Carolina | Relationships | Threats | Posted 2010-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Winners Of the Sluttiest at McGill Contest
Physics major #1: Well, I lost my credit and debit cards, so I had to call and cancel them.
Physics major #2: Oh yeah, those girls who took off your pants, right?
McGill University
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Clothing | Relationships | Students | Posted 2010-11-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Tried Polygamy Barn?
30-something woman to employee: Hey, do you have those long jean skirts here? You know, the kind that polygamists' wives wear.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a. lil
Categories: Clothing | Employees | Family ties | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Women | Posted 2010-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Beaver + Ton = Beaverton
Man on cell, laughing: You don't need a chair! Your ass is so big you can sit on the ground! (pause, then enamored) Aw, I love that laugh. You know I wanna marry that laugh. (defensive) Why do you do that? You always do that when I try to share my feelings with you!
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: facepalm
Categories: Ass | Comebacks | Guys | On the phone | Oregon | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's Never a Truce in the Trench Warfare Between the Sexes
Older lady to complete strangers: So the last guy I dated, all he wanted was sex! We were on the beach and we passed a trench, and he was like "I'll put you in that hole!"
Escondido, California
Categories: California | Old folks | Relationships | Sex | Strangers | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2010-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're So Deep, Monica.
Coffee shop girl: A pig is, like, a monkey's best friend.
Missoula, Montana
Overheard by: Evan
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Girls | Montana | Relationships | Posted 2010-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When He Learns to Make a Decent Sandwich.
Black girl #1: He made me a BLT with avocado.
Black girl #2: And then he passed out?
Black girl #1: No. First, I told him to bang me like a screen door in a hurricane, then he passed out.
Black girl #2: You're always stressing out that skinny white boy.
Black girl #1: Haha, yeah. I should marry him.
Bridgeport, Connecticut
Categories: Black people | Connecticut | Food | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But at Least You're Cheating Well.
Busy-looking female suit on cell: Face it, Carol, you just didn't marry well.
Upstate New York
Categories: Advice | Family ties | New York | On the phone | Relationships | Suits | Posted 2010-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Plot Of Every Romantic Comedy, in a Nutshell.
Loud hipster on cell, in quiet restaurant: If you went into the jungle, I wouldn't follow you because I don't trust you! (pause) Awesome! Let's hang out.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Mrs. Rollins
Categories: Canadia | Hipsters | Offers and requests | On the phone | Relationships | Restaurants | Posted 2010-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Exactly.
20-something girlfriend, pointing at "exit only--do not enter" sign: I should tattoo that on my butt.
20-something boyfriend: But then you would be single.
Lincoln Park
Chicago, Illinois
You Can't Make This Shit Up.
Dude at bar: So wait, after her husband left her here by herself--completely shitfaced--she then fucked a total stranger in the bathroom?
Bartender: Yep.
Dude at bar: And then she came back out here bragging about getting banged in the ass?
Gay dude, sidling up: Sounds like an awesome night.
District Bar
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Big D
Categories: Backdoor | Bars & Clubs | Bartenders | Bragging | Gossip | Guys | Illinois | Queers | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Call Him "The Baconator"!
Twelve-year-old boy in lunch line: So I think I have a new arch-nemesis... He's like, Canadian, or something.
Friend: Cool!
Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Relationships | Rhode Island | Tweens | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Hope She's Kidding
Guy to girl: So, do you call him "camp" for short?
Girl dead seriously: No, I call him master. He is my boyfriend, you know.
English Class
Tampa, Florida
Next Stop: "Placenta Brain"
Bride-to-be: Oh my god! I'm totally getting wedding-day head!
Friend: Oooh! Is that like before the ceremony or after?
Bride-to-be: Huh?
Groomsman: Does the groom get some head too?
Friend: Hell no! That shit stops once they're married!
Bride-to-be: What? Oh my god, you guys! I meant I'm getting nervous!
Chicago, Illinois
Why You Shouldn't Wait to Have Sex 'til Marriage
Med student #1: You broke up with her because of a facial expression?
Med student #2: Man, if you saw her "o" face you'd would've done the same. (makes contorted face with mouth wide open)
Med student #1: Oh, hell yeah... that's some ugly shit to come to.
Med student #2: I would have never been able to get off... and all those sounds!
Med student #1: Sexy?
Med student #2: Jungle. Primal.
School of Medicine
University of Maryland
Overheard by: Mykl
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Maryland | Questions | Relationships | Sensory experiences | Students | Posted 2010-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That in the Rules Somewhere?
Girl #1 to guy: Oh, shut up! Be nice to me! I'm marrying your brother! Which means I'm gonna be like your sister!
Girl #2 to guy: Which means you won't be able to have sex with her anymore!
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Illinois | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...What's Next-- You Gonna Audit Me?
Drunk girl stumbling outside bar, dropping purse and chasing after boyfriend: You are the ruiner of fun.
Provincetown, Massachusetts
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Comebacks | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Massachusetts | Relationships | Posted 2010-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And, Um, Then I Chastised Him for Being So Disrespectful!
Awkward guy: Hey, so remember when we were walking together yesterday?
Uncomfortable girl: Yeah.
Awkward guy: So my friend was all "who was that big-tittied girl you were walking with?"
Uncomfortable girl: Alright, then.
High School
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Girls | Guys | Pennsylvania | Questions | Rack | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2010-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Julie & Julia, but Without Food
Hot gay guy: My boyfriend won't let me watch porn that doesn't have a story.
Sympathetic gay friend: Poor baby.
Hot gay guy: All porn is acting... Intense acting.
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Porn | Queers | Relationships | Posted 2010-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All the Other Races Do It!
College girl to college guy: So you won't marry me but you'll procreate with me?
Glendale, Wisconsin
Categories: Frat boy types | Kids | Parenting | Pregnancy | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Sorority types | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Maya Angelou Bitch-Slapped That Opinion Out Of Me
Woman #1: So how did the date go?
Woman #2: Well, he started telling me about his favorite books, and I was all: "you know niggas can't read!"
Georgia
The Episode Of MacGuyver I'd Pay to See
Weird lady getting her hair cut: The nail just wouldn't stay down on my toe. So because it was all loose, junk kept getting in there. The doctor basically told me that junk would just keep getting in there.
Stylist: Wow!
(a minute later)
Weird lady getting her hair cut: If I could have one of those guys do my wedding, I'd be all like, "here's a doily and a paper cup, see what you can do."
Stylist: Yeah.
Weird lady getting her hair cut: I mean if you can't have a bangin wedding in Puerto Rico, you might as well see what you can get from a doily and a paper cup here.
Stylist: Yeah.
Supercuts
Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Clients | Compare and contrast | Employees | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Posted 2010-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Casper the Friendly Ghost Has Difficulty Keeping a Girlfriend
Really stoned girl: Oh god, my first relationship was horrible. It was just six weeks of me being scared of his genitals.
Canberra
Australia
Overheard by: Boffins
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Fears | Relationships | Stoners | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God Bless the USA!
English professor: "My wife, Bob, is pregnant." Polygamy, pregnant men, gay marriage--it's got it all!
University of Rock County
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Aku
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pregnancy | Relationships | Sexuality | Teachers | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least It's My Tuxedo Speedo.
Flamboyantly gay guy in teeny Speedo, looking at bride in hotel lobby: Ummmm... Is there a wedding here?
Front desk agent, also looking at bride: Yup.
Gay guy, disgusted: God, I feel so silly in my Speedo.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: proud to be... an idiot?
Categories: Arizona | Clothing | Employees | Queers | Relationships | Posted 2010-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's Complicated About That?
Girl on cell: She feels Facebook ruined their relationship.
Bus
Malmö
Sweden
Categories: Bus | Girls | Internet | On the phone | Relationships | Sweden | Posted 2010-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Will Never Understand Southern Sexual Slang
Woman on cell: You know she's only talkin' to him cause he's got a tractor in the tractor pull.
Culpeper, Virginia
Categories: On the phone | Relationships | Virginia | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...How's Your Relationship with Your Grandma?
Girl on cell: So, like, I refused her. I told her I'm not friends with whores.
Salisbury, Maryland
Categories: Girls | Insults | Maryland | On the phone | Relationships | Posted 2010-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only a Good Friend Would Say That, Stacy
Sad girl: So we broke up and I started crying, and I told him to leave and he was like "can we still watch Star Wars?"
Short haired girl: It's not even that good a movie!
Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amused
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Movies | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Posted 2010-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was All, "But I'm Texting You!"
Young college girl #1: How was your date last night?
Young college girl #2: Okay. I don't think I'm going out with him again, though.
Young college girl #1: Why?
Young college girl #2: He was weird. He asked me to quit texting while we were having dinner.
Young college girl #1: Rude!
Starbuck's
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Categories: Arkansas | Bars & Clubs | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Sorority types | Texting | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can Unprotected Sex Do That?
Home girl #1: Ay, foo, I thought I was pregnant!
Home girl #2: Oh, nahh!
Home girl #1: Yeah! Junior was all "Ay, you got your period yet or what?" and I was all "no, why?" and he goes "because I was tryn' to get you pregnant!" Chhh! Crazy huh?
CSULA Cafeteria
California
Overheard by: Itshahaholly
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Girls | Pregnancy | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2010-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now If Only I Could Marry Louis Vuitton
Really skinny sorority girl: I paid my rent and then I spent the rest, $700, on this new Louis Vuitton (squeals and hugs the purse). But now I have 30 bucks to last a whole month. Looks like I'll be dating for dinner or eating crackers.
Sorority friend: You spent twice as much on your bag as you did your rent! At least you paid your rent on time! Don't worry, you'll find dates. That purse is totally worth it!
Really skinny sorority girl: I know, right, I should just live in my purse. I think that is why married women get fat: they can finally afford to eat. You know my ass is getting fat when I get married.
IHOP
Dallas, Texas
Categories: Ass | Diet & weight | Fashion | Food | Friends | Money | Relationships | Shopping | Skinny people | Sorority types | Texas | Posted 2010-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Selling Them on eBay!
Stoner #1: Hey, have you seen Jim* lately?
Stoner #2: No, man, I don't hang out with him no more.
Stoner #3: Why not?
Stoner #2: He kept stealing my Skittles!
Public Library
Eugene, Oregon
The Magic Night Cletus Met Brandine
Male redneck: You can come over, but you can't be shittin' in my bathroom.
(female redneck is silent)
Male redneck: Seriously... I like you and all, but I don't know you good enough for you to be stankin' up my bathroom.
(they leave together)
Project Lounge
Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: these are the people who get to have sex?
Categories: Mississippi | Poop | Rednecks | Relationships | Posted 2010-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need Some Whacking Material for Later
50-something guy #1: My new girlfriend is twenty years younger than me.
50-something guy #2: You going to marry her?
50-something guy #1: No. I had that talk with her at the very beginning.
50-something guy #2: You got any nude photos of her on your phone?
Health Club Locker Room
Shawnee Mission, Kansas
Categories: Age and ageing | Assholes | Guys | Kansas | Porn | Relationships | Restroom | Posted 2010-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can't Get a Job Without Experience You Can Only Get from a Job
Guy #1: I was the second person she ever had sex with.
Guy #2: What!?
Guy #1: I know! And it freaked me out! So I never called her again!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Big B
Categories: Assholes | Illinois | Relationships | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2010-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Wolf Was No Match for Grandma
Dad: Later, we need to find grandma a boyfriend.
Seven-year-old son: Grandma already has a boyfriend, though.
Dad: Really? Who?
Seven-year-old son: She's married to granddad!
Dad: No, no, your other grandma.
Seven-year-old son: Oh yeah, she really needs a boyfriend.
Train
Manchester
England
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | England | Family ties | Kids | Relationships | Train | Posted 2010-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mary Now Remembers Why They Stopped Dating
Girl, to guy who just got off a ski lift: Joe? Is that you? It's Mary. We used to date!
Guy: Oh, yeah, I thought you looked familiar from behind.
Ski Resort
Tahoe, Nevada
Categories: Assholes | Girls | Guys | Nevada | Relationships | Posted 2010-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With Total Uggs.
Girl #1: So what's up with those boots you bought this weekend? You don't look like the type to wear them.
Girl #2: Uh, Tim* wanted me to buy them.
Girl #1: Oh, that's right. I almost forgot about his boot fetish.
Girl #2: And I'm pretty sure he wants me to wear them. And nothing else.
Girl #1, sighing wistfully: I wish I had a hot relationship like that! All I have is slut sex!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | New Jersey | Relationships | Sex | Shoes | Wishes | Posted 2010-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't This a Show on TLC?
Guy to girl: I know these people out in Colorado, and they're like totally brother and sister, and they're married! I mean, they had to sign something saying they'd never have children, but they're totally married!
Nightclub Bathroom
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: RW
Categories: Family ties | Guys | Missouri | Relationships | Restroom | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But the Fox Would Never Forgive Me
Man with strange beard to friend: My girlfriend would love me forever if I got her a fox's skull.
London
England
Eventually He Struggles to the Surface and We All Breathe a Sigh Of Relief
80-something lady to another: I saw Bertie and his lady friend at the state fair. Yes, she's a large woman, tall and quite big. I mean, you could say that about a lot of people, but she's very large. When she hugs him, it's all lady and no Bertie!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: poor bertie!
Categories: Gossip | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Posted 2010-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then Only Because It Was on the Marriage Certificate
Thugette: I went out with him for like two weeks before I even found out his name.
East Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: marcosx
Categories: Canadia | Relationships | Thugs | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have We Finally Reached the Historical Point at Which That's Become an Insult?
Emphatic woman: See? That's why this is your first marriage!
Sherman Oaks, California
Categories: California | Insults | Relationships | Women | Posted 2010-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Glad You Recognize It As an Inevitability
Wife: Would you still love me if I peed my pants?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: Would you still love me if I shit my pants?
Husband: We'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Nashville, Tennessee
Boobs Are Pretty Much in the Public Domain, Anyway
Guy #1: I really don't think it's that bad. I dunno why he's so mad. I mean, all she did was show her boobs to some cameraman for some money. It's not like she did anything wrong, right?
Guy #2: What if it was your girlfriend on Girls Gone Wild? How would you feel?
Guy #1: I dunno... Glad I get to see them for free?
Irvine, California
Overheard by: cheekzz
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Guys | Rack | Relationships | TV shows | Posted 2010-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not Their Worlds I Want to Enter
Girl: So I think he's taken our relationship a step further.
Gay friend: Oh! What, did he ask you out?
Girl: No.
Gay friend: Did he finally tell you he likes you?
Girl: No! Nothing like that.
Gay friend: Then what?
Girl: He started talking to me exclusively in D&D jargon!
Gay friend: See, this is why we have different tastes in men.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Doesn't play D&D
Categories: Compare and contrast | Fag hags | Games | Queers | Relationships | Vermont | Words | Posted 2010-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Husband's Chickening Out
Woman to clerk: My turkeys are ruining my marriage!
California
Categories: Animals | California | Relationships | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
By Marriage, but Still
60-something man: I don't want to be with my first wife for an eternity! She is Satan's sister.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Fluffy
Categories: Arizona | Evil | Feelings | Old folks | Relationships | Posted 2010-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When the Need to Be Offensive Overcomes the Need to Get Laid
Short boy, yelling inches away from short girl's face: We should hang out!
Short girl: (walks away silently)
Tall boy, laughing: Dude!
High School
Eugene, Oregon
Categories: Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Oregon | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Drugs? It's Drugs, Right?
Dumb brunette #1: Well, he likes Sarah and Matt...
Dumb brunette #2: They don't count, everyone likes them!
Dumb brunette #1: Well, my boyfriend doesn't like any of my friends, then. I don't really like any of my friends.
Smart, older blonde walking by: Well, dear, there's a simple solution to that.
Dumb brunette #1: Oh? What is it?
University Library, Kent State
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2010-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe You Shouldn't Blow Him Whenever He Asks for It
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Aww... I love you.
Boyfriend: Thanks, buddy!
Girlfriend: What?
Boyfriend: I kinda like you too!
Girlfriend: I can't believe you. (to another girl) Can you believe that?
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Feelings | Hubbies | Ohio | Relationships | Posted 2010-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Have No Words for This Quote.
Woman: Do you have the book How to Fix Your Marriage without Words?
Saleslady: Sorry, it looks like we don't have that in stock right now.
Woman: Fuck!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Taylor
Categories: Books | Customers | Employees | Insults | Relationships | Shopping | Washington | Posted 2010-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Our Sex Life Is Gaggleicious
19-year-old girlfriend: You're a silly goose!
19-year-old boyfriend: You are too!
19-year-old girlfriend: That's why we are dating!
Memphis, Tennessee
...But Before I Start to Spoil
16-year-old girl #1: I wanna wait to have kids, you know? But I don't wanna be old or anything. I think like 19 or somethin.
16-year-old girl #2: Yeah. Oscar wants to knock me up and I'm like "no bitch, I don't even have a license yet." We're thinking after I turn 18.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Insults | Kids | Pregnancy | Relationships | Sex | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Few Black Eyes, and They're All, "Wah Wah Wah!"
Female customs and border patrol officer: So I wasn't surprised when he left his wife for his girlfriend, but I was surprised by the domestic battery charge. But... you know how women can be.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Jan
Categories: Cops | Crimes | Eavesdrop DC | Gender issues | Relationships | Violence | Posted 2010-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...If She Tries to Get Out Of Going to Preschool Again.
Guy on cell, very angrily: Fuck you! (then suddenly calm) Well, that's what I was thinking of saying to her...
Brighton
England
Categories: England | Grumpies | Guys | Insults | On the phone | Relationships | Posted 2010-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Elizabeth Bennet on Her Honeymoon
20-something woman to friend: So, that was how my morning started: waking up with a man I am not overly fond of.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: my morning started a little better
Categories: Feelings | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Women | Posted 2010-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'll Ask That the Contract Be Written on Recycled Paper
Greenpeace canvasser: Hey! Want to save some trees?
Lady: I don't have time right now. I have to go get rid of a man by divorcing him.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Deana
Categories: Illinois | Questions | Relationships | Strangers | Time Management | Women | Posted 2010-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Could Pretend We're a Siamese Twin
Guy to female bartender: Why don't we just date other people together?
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Categories: Bartenders | Guys | Offers and requests | Overheard in PDX | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No. I Said, "Pass the Bread."
Drunk guy to drunk date: So wait, you want us to be in an anonymous relationship?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: justarrivedtothebarsober
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Relationships | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wondered About the Beanie
Brunette: Are you getting him something for Christmas?
Blonde: Why would I?
Brunette: I don't know, I thought you were close!
Blonde: Christmas present? He's Jewish!
Brunette: Ohhhh.
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Gifts | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Religion | Posted 2009-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Michigan It's Always the 1950s
Girl #1: We have to deal with it for nine months!
Girl #2: At least we get to be bitches for no reason.
Girl #1: Yeah, my boyfriend's basically a slave.
University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: ...I knew it!
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Michigan | Pregnancy | Relationships | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So Most Of You Got That Wrong on the Midterm.
Psychology professor at all-women college: Personality disorders are the people you end up married to.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Sabrina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Maryland | Mental illnesses | Relationships | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Way Too Shallow to Date a Bald Guy.
Young woman on cell: Who is this? (pause) He is my baby, not my boyfriend! I told you that. (short pause) What's wrong with you?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: yikes!
Categories: Family ties | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As the Terms Of the Game Go for the Black Guys Require.
Girl to friend, heading to bar: I'm going straight for the black guys!
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: StellaEllaOla
Categories: Canadia | Friends | Girls | Race | Relationships | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Can Always Use an Extra Set Of Eyes
Teen girl #1, drawing faces on napkins with sharpies: Look! I named this one Mr Toastpuff!
Teen girl #2: Wonderful.
Teen girl #1: He's my best friend!
Teen girl #2: You replaced me with a napkin?
Teen girl #1: Well, you replaced me with a potato!
Teen girl #2: True...
Birmingham, Alabama
...So, No-- I'd Just Cheat on You with One.
Girlfriend: Would you ever date a playboy bunny?
Boyfriend, after long pause: I feel like this is a trap.
UMass Dorm
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Animals | Couples | Massachusetts | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Some Reason, It Rarely Happens the Other Way Around
College girl, surprised: You went on a blind date last night?
College boy: Yeah, she was nice. She's gonna be a nurse.
Sketchy friend: Dude, that's awesome! Y'know, nurses make the best porn stars.
Coffeeshop
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Beauty | Frat boy types | Jobs & Careers | Porn | Questions | Relationships | Sorority types | Vermont | Posted 2009-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah Right, Miss "Happiness Is an Inside Job"
Stylish girl: I could never be happy with him. All he does is speak in cliches. Who could be happy with someone like that?
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Categories: California | Girls | Happiness | Questions | Relationships | Words | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Many Girls Are Fascists, but Don't Know It
Girl #1: My dream is to have a harem of guys that I can make dress up like the pale man from Pan's Labyrinth.
Girl #2: Why the hell would you do that?
Girl #1: Because it would be awesome and scary. I just want to see a bunch of people running away from me and my harem.
Mount Holyoke College
South Hadley, Massachusetts
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Fears | Girls | Massachusetts | Movies | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, of State Security?
Art student: He told me he really relates to my organs.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Relationships | Students | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wish I Was a Sociopath Like My Dad
Drunk guy to girlfriend: I care about you a lot. It sucks.
Park Tavern
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Insults | New Jersey | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yesterday When I Hugged Her, She Crumbled a Little
Cute guy: Dude, I have to break up with her.
Friend: Yeah, why?
Cute guy: Cause every time I look at her, I think how nice it would be to have a girlfriend who didn't look like she was born in 100,000 BC.
Friend: Woah, that's harsh. But I see what you're saying.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Age and ageing | Friends | Guys | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Wedding Vows. Ever.
Guy: It's great because it's like we're bros, and we hang out, but I also get to look at your tits.
Girl: Yeah! (high five)
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Ben
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Rack | Relationships | Texas | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus, Mom and Aunt Betty Stopped Speaking
High school girl to friend: And then I... oh, wait... I heard this from from my boyfriend, and I just can't believe it. I can't believe you stopped dating your cousin!
Friend: I know, but it just wasn't working out.
Colton, California
Overheard by: Kip K.E.H.
Categories: California | Family ties | Friends | Relationships | Students | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Prerequisite for Graduation.
Professor: How old are you?
Visiting high school student: Seventeen.
Professor: And you're not married? Well, you've come to the right place!
Freed-Hardeman University
Henderson, Tennessee
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Education | Questions | Relationships | Students | Teachers | Tennessee | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No! Haven't You Been Listening?
Lady 1: So they're getting married now.
Lady 2: But I thought she had a baby.
Lady 1: Yes, but it's his brother's. See, her sister wanted to be with him so she told him her sister couldn't have normal children. It turns out she's the one who can't have children.
Lady 2: Oh... so they're getting married?
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Confused listener
Categories: Birthing | Family ties | Kids | Questions | Relationships | Stupidity | Utah | Women | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bottom Line: It Tastes Like Shit.
Guy: You!
Smoking, unsuspecting girl: Me? What'd I do?
Guy: Do you know how lonely it's been since you and Dave* quit smoking? Then everyone started to quit! And now you're smoking again?! At first it was all cute: "Awwww, Emily and Dave* are quitting together! They're like each other's rocks!" Then what happened?!
Smoking girl, sheepishly: We sunk.
Guy: And was it your idea for Dave to start rolling his own cigarettes?!
Smoking girl: Yes...
Guy, exasperated: Every time I ask him for a cigarette, it's like smoking a diaper!
New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Smokers | Smoking | Posted 2009-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Just Pointing Out That Most Dogs Don't Have Their Own Bathtubs
Drunk JAP, yelling at boyfriend: I can't deal with your shit anymore! You don't respect me, you ridicule me in front of my friends. You tell me my dog doesn't deserve to live in a house as big as mine! I don't want to live like this!
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Jill and Weenie
That's Why Her Name Is Bjorrjammijjinanan
Shorter kid playing basketball to taller kid: Your dad bought your mom at Ikea!
Watertown, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Ariel
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Parenting | Relationships | Shopping | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Before She Finds Out You're a Mute!
Man walking down street: Dude... your woman just said "we need to talk." You need to get the fuck out of there right now!
San Francisco, California
Categories: Advice | Guys | Relationships | San Francisco | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Clean Up the Blood Again
Girl #1: So my mom is getting married to that guy she met on the internet.
Girl #2: Internet? He might be a serial killer!
Girl #1: Yeah, but she lives in Florida, so at least I don't have to hear about it.
Bathrooms
Cinema, Illinois
Categories: Family ties | Girls | Illinois | Internet | Murder | Parenting | Relationships | Restroom | Posted 2009-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Jail, Yeah
Teenage girl #1: Anyway, I just need to talk to him.
Teenage girl #2: Mmm-hmm.
Teenage girl #1: But I barely ever see him!
Teenage girl #2: Yeah.
Teenage girl #1: I have to meet him in a mutual place, y'know?
Teenage girl #2: ...like a box?
Perth
Australia
Baby, You're the H1N1 for Me
Girl to guy: Don't hug me. I'm sick.
Guy to girl: Me too!
(pause)
Girl to guy: Yay! (hugs)
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: apparently sick people can't get worse
Are You...Part Cat?
Teenage girl to friend: I feel like if you eat my hair, we'll be more connected.
Fair Haven, New Jersey
Categories: Feelings | Friends | Hair | New Jersey | Relationships | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors All Have Bulletproof Alibis
High school girl: There was way too much drama in sixth grade. All my friends were always talking about how their boyfriends knocked someone up. I'm like, "you're twelve years old! Get over it!"
Greenbelt, Maryland
Categories: Age and ageing | Education | Girls | Maryland | Pregnancy | Relationships | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe Stop Voting Republican?
Guy: My mom hit my dad with a frying pan. He doesn't have a cheek anymore. It's been entirely restructured. She used to beat the shit out of him! It was so funny. But when he drunk--that's when she'd get a beating.
Girl, sympathetically: Your family...
Guy: Oh, I love my family! I don't know what I'd do without them!
Neptune City, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Relationships | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Ally McBeal, How We've Missed You!
Hipster girl to another: I consider myself single, except for the part where I have a boyfriend... so I can't cheat on him.
St. Louis, Missouri
Categories: Hipsters | Missouri | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
An Inflatable Friend
Old guy to friend: He got a new girl who works in the sex industry... and you know his fantasy has always been two women. I told him it'd never happen, but apparently it did. His girl has a friend who was willing to play along...
Holland, Michigan
Categories: Friends | Jobs & Careers | Kink | Michigan | Old folks | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or an Etch-a-Sketch Masterpiece.
Guy: So how's it going with Tom?
Girl: Good. He's stuck with me.
Guy: You're like a virus.
Girl: No, I'm more like something good you can't shake. Like a baby.
Derby, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Girls | Guys | Kids | Maladies | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After They Moved Him, I Found Five Dollars Under the Cushion!
Woman #1, at party: Oh, hi, Lisa, how are you?
Woman #2, shrugging: Okay, I guess.
Woman #1: Where's your husband? Did you bring John with you?
Woman #2: Oh, you didn't hear? John died two weeks ago. He died sitting in his chair.
Kentucky
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Kentucky | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But They Get Mad When I Try to Study Them
Guy #1: So how's your women studies class going?
Guy #2: Good! There's so many fine bitches.
Subway
Manhattan, New York
Much Like My Soul!
Girl on cell: Yeah, so I'm going to tell my mom that he asked me to marry him, and then he died. (pause) Yeah, she'll probably ask if I need anything, and that's when I'll tell her about the car. (pause) Yeah, I'll be heartbroken, blah, blah, blah... at least I'll get a new car out of the deal! (pause) He's a made-up boyfriend! She's not going to find out he didn't really die, because he never really existed!
San Marcos, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Lies | On the phone | Parenting | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to Their Publicists
Passerby to two women getting off elevator with a double stroller with white and black babies: Uh-oh!
Women: Oh, it's okay. They're just friends.
Elevator, Westchester Mall
White Plains, New York
And Occasionally Fellate.
Guy: So who are you meeting here? Some friends?
Girl, sighing: I wouldn't necessarily call them my friends, they're just people I eat with.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Wait, what?
Categories: Food | Girls | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yet You Divorced Your Third Husband for Peeing in Your Shoes?
Woman on cell: I've been through many husbands, but the dog has been with me for 14 years! Men can be replaced but the dog stays!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: sara
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Feelings | On the phone | Relationships | Time Management | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Make Our Points Without Using the Word "Whatever"
Girl in anthropology class: So... Islam says that men can marry four wives, but women can only marry one husband. Whatever.
Professor: Let's try to maintain some cultural relativism!
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: nina
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Education | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Religion | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Doesn't Deserve a Prince Like Me
Guy #1, during a college basketball game: Dude! I saw my ex, Bea, down there!
Guy #2: Really?
Guy #1: Yeah. She got fat! Fuck you, bitch! (high fives guy #1)
Araneta Coliseum
Manila
The Philippines
Overheard by: VM
Categories: Asia | Death & dying | Guys | Insults | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All He Knows Is "The Girl with the Binoculars"
Eleven-year-old girl to friends: I know him but he doesn't know me.
The Drive
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Fred
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Kids | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Which Is Also What Tom Said.
Girl #1: So what are we looking for here?
Girl #2, distractedly: A birthday card for my boyfriend Tom*. (pauses) I mean...
Girl #1: Oh my god, you totally just called your best friend your boyfriend! If that's not a huge Freudian slip, I don't know what is.
Girl #2: Freud can suck my dick!
Culpeper, Virginia
Overheard by: freudian follower
Categories: Gifts | Girls | Insults | Mental illnesses | Questions | Relationships | Shopping | Virginia | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Smells Fishy to Me
Lady #1: Yeah, she's going out tonight with some giiiirrrl.
Lady #2: Like... a friend girl... or like... for a date?
Lady #1: Oh, I can't ever tell with kids these days. Probably a date. They were going to the aquarium.
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Vanessa
Categories: Colorado | Kids | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Divorced, Mom.
Seven-year-old boy to mom: So, mom, all the kids in camp were making fun of this one boy cuz he was a stinky Yankees fan and we're all Mets fans!
Mom: Honey, if mommy can marry a Republican, than you can be friends with a Yankees fan.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Parenting | Politics | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, I Named the Breast "Sketchy Bastard"
Guy to girlfriend after late-night party: You name a breast after me, but you don't trust me?
West End
Portland, Maine
Maybe She's Good at It
Teenage girl #1: I don't understand how she has a boyfriend! She is so ugly!
Teenage girl #2: It's obviously because she puts out.
Teenage girl #1: So do I!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: I'll be your boyfriend
How to Tell If Someone's on Parole
Scruffy dude picking up cell with fart noises as ringtone: Hi, honey.
Family Video
Brockport, New York
Overheard by: swear it was the phone
Categories: Burping & farting | Cell phones | Guys | New York | On the phone | Relationships | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Generation Wisely Prefers Wii Relationships
Teen girl: They've broken up three times, and it never goes well for me.
Studio City, California
Overheard by: Urz
Categories: Bringing it back to you | California | Relationships | Teens | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next You'll Be Telling Me My Penis Is a Decent Size!
Annoyed guy to girl: But just now you told me you weren't cold! It's our first date and you're already lying to me!
Pretoria
South Africa.
Overheard by: CBGB
Categories: Africa | Girls | Guys | Lies | Relationships | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Australian Law Forbids Weekend Mourning
Teen girl #1: I think we need to get her a rebound guy.
Teen girl #2: Don't you think it's a bit soon? Paul died like two weeks ago.
Teen girl #1: Hmm. I guess. (pause) Maybe just for weekends then?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, okay.
Bus Stop
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: cara
Categories: Australia | Bus | Death & dying | Feelings | Girls | Questions | Relationships | Stupidity | Teens | Time Management | Posted 2009-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except No One's Posing As Gay
Woman, waiting for Two Gentlemen of Verona to begin: This is one of Shakespeare's comedies, right?
Friend: Yes.
Woman: Someone will cross-dress, there will be mistaken identity, and love triangles, and everything will turn out well. All Shakespeare comedies have the same plot.
Friend: Yeah, pretty much.
Woman: They're all just episodes of Three's Company.
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Books | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Friends | Questions | Relationships | TV shows | Women | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Only If They're the Horny Type.
Wise eight-year-old boy to brother: Getting a girlfriend is the easy part. But you have to know how to keep them.
Attentive six-year-old: How do you get them to stay?
Wise eight-year-old: You have to find out what kind of food they like to eat. And give them a plastic unicorn.
Nature Park
Tampa, Florida
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Florida | Food | Kids | Kids | Questions | Relationships | Siblings | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portland Boasts a Rich Frottage Subculture
Boyfriend: Ow! Stop twisting my mole.
Girlfriend, singing quietly to herself: Looking for rub in all the wrong places.
MAX Train
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Amy Achterman
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Oregon | Relationships | Singing | Train | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Every Time I Smell Sewage.
Chick: Yeah, we really need to hang out with Julie soon. She told me yesterday: "I miss Andrea, she's so gross!"
Andrea: Awww, I miss her too!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Chicks | Feelings | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Worse, Move to Australia
Student: It's make friends or die.
Albert Park
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Death & dying | New Zealand | Relationships | Students | Posted 2009-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Doesn't He Just Get That Swastika-Shaped Mole Removed?
Woman: Everyone's been asking me why I didn't bring my boyfriend!
Man: Why didn't you bring him? Too many Jews?
Woodstock, New York
Overheard by: Becca
...to Our Lord Jesus Christ.
Librarian at info desk: How are you today?
Gloomy guy: Not very well.
Librarian: Why not?
Guy: Oh, my girlfriend's being mean to me... Are you single?
Librarian, unfazed: No, I'm married.
West Lafayette, Indiana
Overheard by: Rachel S.
Well, I'm Sorry I Made You Kiss Her Feet...
New Yorker, on cell to fiancée: Honey, all set here for our wedding, when you coming over? I got both of our rings, in nine-carat gold! (appalled silence in carriage) Yeah, your finger's gonna go green and fall off or something? What the hell's wrong with nine-carat gold? Hey! Of course I love you more than I love my mom! Come on! What is this about?
Train
Dublin
Ireland
Categories: Compare and contrast | Couples | Feelings | Foreigners | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Ireland | Money | On the phone | Questions | Relationships | Train | Posted 2009-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once You Go Cowboy, You Get a Whole New Posse
Preteen girl #1, trying on cowboy hat: If I was a cowboy, would you be my friend?
Preteen girl #2: No.
Newburyport, Massachusetts
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Massachusetts | Questions | Relationships | Tweens | Posted 2009-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Lesbians Are More Convincing with Their Beards Than Others
Girl #1: Are you still going out with that guy you were with back in April?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: The one you were living with?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: The one with the dog?
Girl #2: (blank stare)
Girl #1: Little black dog?
Girl #2: Oh, Jack! Yeah, we're still together.
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Zoe
Categories: Animals | Bus | Girls | Questions | Relationships | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So Now Joe and I Are Dating.
Nine-year-old: Logan almost got a girlfriend!
Six-year-old: Really?
Nine-year-old: Yep. Remember Courtney?
Six-year-old: With the glasses?
Nine-year-old: Yeah. He asked her out on the bus, but she said no. After that, Joe was like, "I want a girlfriend," and I was like, "yeah, I know. Me, too, buddy. Me, too."
Swimming Pool
Louisiana
Sigh. For the Last Time, I Could Never Date a Top.
Mom, to little kid: Is she your girlfriend?
Little kid: (shakes head emphatically)
Mom: Oh! I don't mean like that, I mean "friend that's a girl." I know Jenny is your girlfriend.
Little kid: Yeah!
Mom: And who's your boyfriend?
Little kid: I don't have a boyfriend.
Mom: But I thought Robert was your boyfriend!
Kennedy Space Center
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Isn't he a little young...?
...Or at Least Make Out in It.
Teenage girl being pushed in shopping trolley, singing loudly: Nineteen! You're only nineteen, for god's sake, oh, you don't need a boyfriend!
Teenage boy pushing girl, monotone: Everybody is looking at you. They think you're a lesbian.
Teenage girl: I feel like such a rebel! But we should return this trolley, like dutiful citizens.
Geelong
Victoria
Australia
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Compare and contrast | Relationships | Sexuality | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2009-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook