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Yesterday You Said It Was a Type Of Fabric!
Girl #1: What, exactly, does "Muslim" mean?
Girl #2: I think it's, like, a type of Islam or something.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: Stewart
Was He on Dancing with the Stars?
Girl: Wait, who's Hitler?
Guy: Are you serious?
Girl: I don't watch a lot of tv...
Peabody, Massachusetts
Categories: Girls | Guys | History | Massachusetts | Pop culture | Questions | Posted 2011-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Referring to Mom's Cooking That Way
Host: Would you like a booth or table?
Young mom: A booth is fine.
Four-year-old: I don't want a booth!
Young dad: Hey, knock that off or you'll be eatin' out of the trash.
Orange County, California
Overheard by: Poofy
But I'm the One Who Lobbied the Administration for a Pole!
RA: You guys went stripping without me?
Swarthmore College
Swarthmore, Pennsylvania
Categories: Feelings | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sexuality | Students | Posted 2011-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Given That We Shoot Burglars on Sight
Guy: So you still living in Yeoville?
Girl: Yeah. I love it. I've got great rent. And last time I checked crime stats, our house break-ins were way lower than other places.
Johannesburg
South Africa
Overheard by: Kingmo!
Do I Need to Draw Those Diagrams for You Again?
Preppy cutie, about steroided-up jock: Oh my god! He just winked at me!
Sarcastic friend: You sure it's not a twitch?
Preppie cutie: Your mom has a twitch! That's how she had you!
(friends stare)
Friend: What?!
El Paso, Texas
Overheard by:
Black Forest Clogs
Skinny girl, in an accusing tone of voice: Why are you wearing elf-shoes?!
Chubby friend, sounding frightened: They're not elf shoes! They're German!
Skinny girl, squinting: Hmmmm...
Toronto
Canadia
Perhaps You Should Get That Checked Out?
Old man: You got bats in your belfry?
Jaded 20-something: Yeah, I don't know what I've got in my belfry...
Jersey City, New Jersey
For the Last Time, Tommy, It's Not Even Goat-Stabbing Season
Four-year-old to mother: How do you kill a goat? With a gun?
Mother: Well...
Four-year-old, after epiphany: Or a sword!
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: Charlie G.
Ever Heard Of Grand Theft Autoerotica, Sally?
Nerdy frat boy #1: You know what we should do? Just go buy a video game, sit down, and fucking beat it.
Nerdy frat boy #2: Yeah!
Sorority girl, guffawing: Why would you buy a video game to jack off?!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Charlie G.
Categories: Frat boy types | Games | Leisure | Masturbation | Questions | Sorority types | Washington | Posted 2011-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Are Not Proud Of Having Seen This
Confused-sounding girl on cell: I could fit an orange in my vagina?
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
...Are You Fingering Me?
Drunk guy: Do you hate me?
Drunk girl: No, no, I really don't.
Drunk guy: I always thought you did.
Drunk girl: No. (pause) I mean you're not my favorite person, but I like you fine.
Drunk guy: So we're friends?
Drunk girl: Definitely friends.
Drunk guy: Hug? To celebrate our new-found friendship?
Drunk girl: Sure (hugs him)
Drunk guy: Awesome! I'm so happy we're friends!
Drunk girl: Me too! (pause) I'm so drunk right now...
Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Australia | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Feelings | Questions | Posted 2011-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Argument Against Exposing Kids to the Arts
Little girl to mother: Mommy, where's Aladdin?
Mother: He'll come soon, sweetie.
(repeats this for ten minutes)
Little girl, seeing Aladdin on the stage: Who is that?
Mother: Aladdin.
Little girl: Where's Jasmine?
Adventure Theater
Anaheim, California
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Offspring | Pop culture | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...The Prince Of Dullness
Wife to husband who has been chatting with stranger: Who was that?
Husband: Remember those Dos Equis commercials with the most interesting man in the world?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: That was his antithesis.
Northern Michigan
Overheard by: Kaptain Equinox
Categories: Character | Couples | Memory lane | Michigan | Questions | Posted 2011-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Difference Between the U.S. and the Rest Of the World
Large American girl: So I asked him, "what's your problem?"
British girl: What did he say?
Large American girl: He said I was too fat.
British girl: Oh...
Large American girl: Motherfucker doesn't realize that big is beautiful.
Drunk British guy behind them: That's a whole lotta big! Chub, chub, chub!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: Beauty | Diet & weight | England | Girls | Questions | Posted 2011-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Follow Me!
Screechy woman: We need to figure out what the frack we're doing for Canada day!
Quiet man: Probably sit around and watch the fireworks.
Screechy woman: Noooo, that's such a waste!
Quiet man: (silence)
Screechy woman: I have the day off, yeeeaahhh!
Quiet man: (silence)
Screechy woman: Do you think pigs would eat other pigs?
Quiet man, after long pause: I really don't know.
London
Canadia
Overheard by: Watcher of Fireworks
Doesn't That Make Me More Of a Lady?
Sewing machine shop customer #1: How often should I get my machine serviced?
Sewing machine shop customer #2: Gosh, I've never had my machine serviced!
Sewing machine shop owner: You are not a lady!
Shout-out: www.violaraptor.co.uk
Overheard by: Raptor
Categories: Customers | Euphemisms | Gender issues | Other sites | Questions | Posted 2011-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Trust Me-- I Gave Derek His First Blow Job.
Sophomore girl #1: Did you hear Matt and Derek are going out now?
Sophomore girl #2: No way! I totally gave Matt his first blow job. He can't be gay! (pauses) Oh my god! Do you think I turned him gay?
Passing junior guy: Yeah, that'd do it.
High School
Annapolis, Maryland
And Is It Anything Like "Walk Like a Prescription"?
Guy in Pirates jersey: Just another planet Monday... Wait, how does that go?
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Flab Treesports
...But Does It Matter?
Girl #1, reading a text: Oh my god, now he says that when I get home he's going to eat the shit out of that apple pie.
Girl #2: Does he know we've been using apple pie as a euphemism for sex all day?
Girl #1: No...
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Categories: Euphemisms | Food | Girls | Maryland | Questions | Posted 2011-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Paul McCartney and Heather Mills Hammer Out a Payment Plan
Girl: So if you won £100,000,000 on the lottery what would you do?
Guy: Settle some scores. There'd be a few guys from school who'd be going to work one day and suddenly find themselves being bundled into the back of a van with a black bag over their head.
Girl: Then flown out over the north Atlantic, tied up, thrown out of the plane?
Guy: I like the way you think. We should have kids.
Girl: Nah, to get into my pants you'll need to do better than that. £2,000 of jewelery would do it. (cackles hysterically)
London
England
Overheard by: Bleep
She Was Actually Dead, So the Joke Was on Me
Guy #1: So how was work?
Guy #2: I didn't go.
Guy #1: Oh, take a day off, did you?
Guy #2: Well, I went to Erin*'s house to see if she wanted to talk to my boss about getting a job but she was still asleep, and she looked cute, so I joined her.
Guy #1: Good excuse.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: Beauty | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2011-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Don't You Start and I'll Go Out for a Cigarette Break
Student #1: There are an infinite number of answers?!
AP calc teacher: Yeah, there are.
Student #2: Do you want us to write them all down?
High School
Boiceville, New York
Overheard by: Toasted
What? I'm Buy-Curious.
Cashier: You're all set?
Man: (places Steal This Book on the counter)
Cashier, seeing title of book: Pussy!
Barnes & Noble
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: fionasputnik
Don't Think I Didn't Learn About Heteronormativity in Preschool
Young boy to mother, after getting cup of tea: Oh, what's this? A cup of tea for me? Are you married? Pah! I don't want your married germs!
Akaroa French Fest
New Zealand
Categories: Health & Hygiene | New Zealand | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2011-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Casino?
Volleyball girl: How come you have a painting of a football helmet on the wall but nothing for us?
Athletic trainer: I don't know. Maybe I'll paint something for you guys.
Volleyball girl: Yeah! You should paint a whole mirage!
Gustavus Adolphus College
Minnesota
...Okay, Love You Too. Bye, Mom.
Loud woman on phone: Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? (pause) You're so stupid. You're so stupid. You're so stupid... (keeps repeating it)
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: timmmm
Categories: Insults | Massachusetts | On the phone | Questions | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2011-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom Harvests My Pockets When She Does My Laundry
Guy: Do you have any money left?
Chunky 40-something man: 60 bucks, that should be enough to get me by until my mother gives me more.
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Kristin
Categories: Family ties | Guys | Money | Nebraska | Questions | Posted 2011-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Their Baby Was Born in a Booth at Popeye's
Guy #1: Hey bro, your woman fat?
Guy #2: No. Fuck, man! What you talkin'? She my baby momma, that the baby in her bump!
Guy #3: You sure? She sure look fat to me.
Coralridge Mall
Iowa City, Iowa
I Guess That Has Its Positives and Negatives.
Blonde 8th grade girl, reading poster about sex offenders: He assaulted her with a battery?
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: shay loves julia
...Whilst Avoiding Useful Work
Cashier #1: Hey, did you put all those resumes from today with the other pile?
Cashier #2: Oh. Um, I didn't think we were actually hiring, so I might have thrown them out.
London
Canadia
Overheard by: I'm not applying here
Categories: Canadia | Employees | Jobs & Careers | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2011-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Hamburger Comes from the Pig Part
Eight-year-old boy to mother browsing meat counter at the grocery store: Mom, what's veal?
Mother: It's just another kind of meat.
Eight-year-old boy: But what kind of animal does it come from?
Mother, motioning to her chest area: Oh, I think it's from the lamb part of the cow.
Toronto
Canadia
Will You Put Your Hand Down My Pants?
Guy: I will get you anything you want, and I mean anything, if you walk back from lunch with your hand down my pants.
Girl: But we are already walking back from lunch, silly.
Guy: Starting now, if you walk back with your hands down my pants, I will get you anything.
Girl: Anything?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: really?
Categories: Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Posted 2011-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Buying Shoes Is Your Answer to Everything.
Girl: So then I was like, "I want a otter for my birthday!"
Mom: Hmmm...
Girl: I thought it was so much more realistic than a platypus. They have poisonous heels, you know. My hand would fall off if I picked it up!
Mom: Why don't we just buy it shoes?
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Well It Works in Her Favor!
Girl: I'm hanging out with Claire today, that's why I can't stay later.
Guy: Is Claire the one with the awesome accent?
Girl: She has a speech impediment.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Leonard
Categories: Girls | Guys | Language barrier | Maladies | Questions | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2011-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Could Anything So Seedy Happen in a Place Like Beaverton?
Woman: Is this the train that goes to Portland?
Smelly guy with slur: Yeah. (pause) Do you want some company?
Woman: What?
Smelly guy with slur: Want some company?
Woman: No!
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: Bad Rabbit mAb
Categories: Offers and requests | Oregon | Public transportation | Questions | Women | Posted 2011-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just When You Thought Comic Book Guy Didn't Exist in Real Life...
Bitchy girl #1: Mike's away message is about his lovemaking skills again.
Bitchy girl #2: What does it say? "I'm the best even though I'm fat"?
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Why Google Exists.
Fashionable girl on cell: Do you think you can catch pink eye from getting poop in your eye?
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | On the phone | Poop | Questions | Posted 2011-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Law Says I Can't Do That in a Skirt
Teen to mother: Why are you wearing pants?
Mother: Because I gotta get rid of the chilly.
Harrison, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
Let Me Give You the List Of Questions Now
Student, after class spent 25 minutes arguing answers to midterm: I have a question. Not about this test, but about future tests.
Professor, wearily: I think the final will just be take-home.
Class: Really?
Professor: Whatever.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Education | Fears | Pennsylvania | Questions | Students | Posted 2011-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why 4-Year-Olds Shouldn't Have Real Cell Phones
Four-year-old boy using hand like pretend cell phone: Hello, police? We're at Target. You know the way? My babysitter's being real weird, can you come get her?
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania
Categories: Kids | Offspring | Pennsylvania | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Why Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton Dueled
Bro #1: So, how did the fight start?
Bro #2: Who knows, something about some guy's girlfriend getting pissed on.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: looks like R. Kelly is making his rounds.
Categories: Frat boy types | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Questions | Violence | Posted 2011-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Were His Teeth In or Out?
Young woman on cell: I kiss my grandpa on the mouth, have I made out with him?
Palo Alto, California
Categories: California | Family ties | On the phone | Questions | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Note to Self: Proofread Bucket List
Hopeful tourist to hotel employee: We came to see kangaroos in their natural habitat, which way is the outback?
Hotel Front Desk
Vienna
Austria
Overheard by: flamingriver
You Can't Tell the Serial Killers from the Doctors Without a Program
Sally's* uncle: How did Sally enjoy her night observing an ambulance crew?
Sally's mum: She said it was pretty boring. Not nearly enough blood and gore. She did get to kill a guy, though.
Sally's uncle: She what?
Sally's mum: They picked up a guy who was having a heart attack. The paramedic had Sally do something with the patient, and he died. She says it took him too long to die and she got bored waiting.
Restaurant
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: KiwiBloke
Categories: Death & dying | Family | Health & Hygiene | New Zealand | Questions | Posted 2011-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eh, Suze Orman's Just a Little Quirky.
Middle-aged suit on cell: Yeah... Well, I don't know. (pause) Doesn't she have Alzheimer's? (pause) I don't care if she's your mother. (pause) Yeah, well, maybe she shouldn't be trading your stocks, then.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: mo
Categories: Family ties | Maladies | New York | On the phone | Questions | Suits | Posted 2011-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Get Good Grades This Semester?
Asian girl: Can I have two penises?
Market Street
San Francisco, California
Did You Shave It?
Girl #1 : I found a bearded dragon in my brothers closet last night!
Girl #2 : A real dragon?
Girl #1 : No, a lizard.
Girl #2 : Oh.
Secondary School
Nanaimo District
Canadia.
Well They're Part Silicon
Dude at bar: And they're real housewives? That's awesome!
The Highlander
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Herr Professor Doktor
Since Writing Messages in Blood on His Mirror Doesn't Seem to Be Doing the Trick
Girl #1: Oh, whose car do you think it is? Maybe it's his!
Girl #2: Don't hit it!
Girl #1: Or maybe I should. Give us something to talk about. Hey, remember that time I totaled your car?
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Advice | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Apparently Medicare and Social Security Don't Count
Guy behind deli counter: Does anyone need any help?
Old man #1: What about psychiatric help?
Old man #2: Are you giving or receiving?
Old man #1: I'm on the receiving end of everything. Except taxes!
Gene's Fine Foods
Saratoga, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Employees | Health & Hygiene | Money | Old folks | Questions | Posted 2011-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...No Disrespect to Your Profession, Ma'am
Hobo bundled up on hot day to passers-by: If you were me, homeless, and you had a thousand dollars in your pocket--a thousand dollars and you're homeless--would you spend it on hookers?
Man walking with woman: (laughs)
Hobo, pointing at him: See, you're with me! I knew it!
Vancouver
Canadia
Wasn't That the Title Of a Judy Blume Book?
Young bearded hipster to college girl: They keep telling me anal bleaching is the way to go, but do girls really notice that stuff?
Manhattan, New York
Unless You Count Wisconsin Ladies' Upper Thighs
Loud drunk guy on bus: You're from Oklahoma? Oklahoma has the best cottage cheese in the world!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: I would have believed Wisconsin...
Your Editors Just Put Monster Beans on Our Shopping List
Little girl: Mommy, can we have the monster beans? Mommy, look, they have monster beans, can we get the monster beans?
Mommy: Honey, I think that is the green giant.
Little girl: ...or monster beans!
Dollar Tree
Nicholasville, Kentucky
Little Lady Gaga Ended Up Proving Them Both Wrong.
Concerned mom: She's either going to grow up to be an assassin or a serial killer.
Concerned guy: What are the parents like?
Concerned mom: Quiet and normal.
Concerned guy: They always are.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Like When Jim Carrey Became Jamie Kennedy
Nerd #1: What you really must decide is where your evil alter ego came from. Was it a sudden event that caused it to emerge? Or was it always lurking waiting for the right moment?
Nerd #2, nodding in agreement: Yes, yes. So true.
Skagit, Washington
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Philosophy | Questions | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Try Men If I Could Find One to Clean Up After Me
Man #1: How you been?
Man #2: Pretty good.
Man #1: How's your wife?
Man #2: Aggravating.
Church
Thibodaux, Louisiana
Categories: Family ties | Guys | Louisiana | Maladies | Questions | Posted 2011-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Men Had to Wear Thongs.
Man in fancy shirt: Oh, my butt's been hurting.
Girlfriend: Why does it hurt?
Man in fancy shirt: There's been something pokin' me all day.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Brilicia
Categories: Ass | Couples | Oregon | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'll Admit It: We Laughed.
Unhappy girl: He left and said he couldn't work on the project because he had stuff he had to do.
Aggravated friend: But he left with his girlfriend? Stuff, my ass!
Calm friend: I'm sure that's what his girlfriend said.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: is that sanitary?
Categories: Etiquette | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Posted 2011-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Always in the Last Place You Look
Drunk guy: If kiddie porn is such a huge problem on the internet, how come you can't ever find it?
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Why Don't You Have A Seat Over Here...
It's Called "Sex," Alyssa.
Girl on cell: What did you do to my widgets last night?
Rhodes University
South Africa
As My Mom Used to Say to Us When We Were Little Kids
Boy #1: Why do you have all your stuff with you?
Boy #2, carrying oversized bag of athletic equipment: I have class at 3:50, then I have to ride straight over to practice.
Boy #1: Oh, that sucks.
Boy #2: Well, it could be worse. I could have syphilis.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: lilly
Categories: Guys | Maladies | Overheard in PDX | Questions | Time Management | Posted 2011-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless You Know Something About Louis Pasteur That I Don't
Middle-aged woman, on sex offenders: Those people should just be pasteurized.
Teen daughter: Pasteurized?
Woman: Yeah, you know. Pasteurized.
Daughter: No, mom. I don't think that's what you mean.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that might be just as effective
Which He Clearly Doesn't Have.
Girl #1: Jimmy Kimmel has narcolepsy.
Boy: Is that the one where you read from right to left?
Girl #2: No, that's Hebrew.
Loyola University
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Kate
And Should I Be Buying One Immediately?
Yale polo player #1: What are all those people doing on old campus?
Yale polo player #2: Probably "Soccer for Darfur" or something. I hate fake activism like that.
Yale polo player #3: You mean "S'mores for Darfur," right?
Yale polo player #1: I keep hearing that word, "Darfur." What does it even mean?
overheardatyale.com
Overheard by: Overheard at Yale
Categories: Overheard at Yale | Questions | Sex | Students | Words | Posted 2011-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mary Magdalen and Jesus Had This Misunderstanding All the Time
Guy to friend: So, when you shouted "god!" you really meant "whore", right?
University of Maryland
Masturman Rarely Dates
Guy: We're talking heroic amounts of porn.
Girl, laughing hysterically: Oh my god, what?
Guy: What?
Girl: How is "heroic" a unit of measurement?
Guy: No. I mean: if you met the guy, he'd be your hero.
Girl, still laughing, walking away: I can't.
Connecticut
Overheard by: LunaFish
Lucky!
Girl #1: Hey, are you going to use the bathroom?
Girl #2: Oh, no... I have a urinary tract infection, so I can't pee.
Loyola University
Chicago, Illinois
How Many Things Are Wrong With This Quote? Show Your Work.
Guy: Ohmigod, you don't look Jewish, I wouldn't have known if you didn't tell me.
Girl: Awww, thanks!
Guy: So what are you doing for the holidays?
Girl: Christmas isn't about Jesus...
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Bernadette
Categories: Christianity | Girls | Guys | Holidays | Jesus | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2011-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In the Same Way My Slashing You with This Register Key Would Be Interesting.
Cashier: Sir, would you like to donate that one cent to breast cancer research?
Man: No... I actually think cancer is a great way of controlling population.
Cashier, frowning at him: That's interesting.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: anastasia
Categories: Employees | Maladies | Oregon | Philosophy | Questions | Posted 2011-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Interestingly, There's No Black-and-White Answer to That.
Five-year-old son to father: I wonder what zebra farts smell like?
The National Zoo
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Kat
Categories: Animals | Kids | Questions | Sensory experiences | Washington, DC | Posted 2011-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet the "Bad Companions" Your Mother Warned You About
Barefoot girl in red dress: Oh my god, what are we doing?!
Girl with partially shaved head and blue sweater: We're... (dodges car) We're running into traffic.
Melbourne
Australia
Why Would I Wipe It Off?
Suit: So yeah, I found out how my boss's boss takes his tea, and I took him a cup this morning, along with a muffin.
Non-suit: And did you remember to take a napkin to wipe his feces from your nose?
London
England
Overheard by: Eastender
Reruns Of House *Count* As "Research," Right?
Drunk girl: I teach! I teach AP bio kids. They ask so many smart questions. (thoughtful pause) I make things up all the time.
Friend: You make things up??
Drunk girl: I just say "according to my research." (shrugs, laughs hysterically)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bragging | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Education | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2011-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Have to Ask Me That with Your Top Off?
Girl to friends, on third night of semester: Wouldn't you want to have sex the second night back?
Fitchburg State University
Fitchburg, Massachusetts
Categories: Girls | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Questions | Sex | Posted 2011-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Think Of It As a Cheap Facelift!
Old woman in roller coaster line: Does this one go upside down? I don't like it when they do upside down.
Little boy: You'll be fine, grandma. Come on!
Universal Studios
Florida
I'm Tempted to Remove My Diaper
Guy at party #1: Hey, hold on, did that baby get naked?
Guy at party #2: Yeah, man, it's hot in here.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
Dear World-- We Apologize.
American tourist #1: What's your background?
Tourist guide: Aboriginal.
American tourist #1: No, as in "where were you born?"
Tourist guide: Here, in Australia.
American tourist #1: But you're black!
Tourist guide: Yes... I'm aboriginal.
American tourist #1: But I thought you guys were all extinct! Are you, like, the last one?
American tourist #2: Jay, shut up. It's idiots like you that make us look stupid. He's messing with you, there are no aboriginals.
Adelaide, Australia
...Thanks to All That Community Fingering at the Lakes.
Guy #1: So what I'm not clear on is how the penis and vagina work.
Guy #2: Well, how are you doing on STDs?
Guy #1: I'm still a little unsure about some, but I have syphilis down pat!
Finger Lakes Community College
New York
Nor Am I a Female Gang Member on Law & Order
20-something boyfriend: What's it called when girls put brown around their lips?
20-something girlfriend: Lip liner?
20-something boyfriend: Yeah. Why don't you wear that?
20-something girlfriend: Because it's not 1995, and I'm not going on the Ricki Lake show.
Manhattan, New York
Categories: About celebrities | Beauty | Couples | New York | Questions | Posted 2011-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jason's Pick-Up Strategy Is Full Of Holes
Drunk frat boy, yelling to group: Is it someone's birthday?
Cute girl: Yeah! Mine!
Drunk frat boy: How old are you? 19?
Girl: 22.
Drunk frat boy: Oh, I was confused. I was wondering how you could have gotten so drunk if you were 19.
Girl: We're not drunk.
Drunk frat boy: Oh. Well, we are!
Mini Golf Course
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Categories: Age and ageing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Frat boy types | Girls | Minnesota | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2011-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So I'm Incapable Of Having Linear Conversations Right Now.
Woman #1: How's your health?
Woman #2: Oh, starting to get better. I'm okay.
Woman #1: Our cat is sick. We had to bring her to the vet.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Animals | California | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Women | Posted 2011-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus, Skinny Girls Won't Sit Still
Male student during history class: Why are the women in these nude paintings so plump?
Professor: Because the artists had good taste.
Female student: That's right!
University of Missouri
Overheard by: Kathryn Bjornstad
And Hopefully You'll Have Fewer Trackmarks.
Seven-year-old: Mommy, why is that man going under the train?
40-something woman: Because, sweetie, he works there.
Seven-year-old: He works under the train?
40-something woman: Yes, sweetie.
Seven-year-old: When I get older I wanna work under a train.
40-something woman: Nice, maybe you can pay for my funeral. Not like your older brother...
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Malina
Categories: Death & dying | Georgia | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Moms | Money | Questions | Posted 2011-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To the Muffmobile, Robin!
Girl on bike #1, over her shoulder: Crotchless panties!
Girl on bike #2: Crotchless panties?
Girl on bike #1: Crotchless panties!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Felicity Thistle
Dan Brown Has Much to Answer For
Tour guide, showing statue of Athena to students: Does anybody know who that is?
Student: Abraham Lincoln.
Berkeley, California
Categories: California | Education | Employees | History | Questions | Posted 2011-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do Shut Up and Finish Your Propofol, Darling
Seven-year-old boy: How did Michael Jackson die?
Mother: He had too many tablets and his heart stopped.
Seven-year-old boy: I'd like that to happen to Justin Bieber.
Hertfordshire
England
Overheard by: Corbin
Categories: About celebrities | Death & dying | England | Kids | Moms | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2011-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...If It's Anything Like How They Grow Jelly Donuts.
Girl #1: Oh, it looks like you are registered for the jelly belly factory tour.
Girl #2: Is there anything else? I don't really care how they grow jelly beans.
Davis, California
Overheard by: PhillyKid
Categories: California | Food | Girls | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2011-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Time to Invest in Some Bose Headphones, Dear Reader
Female heard through the wall, after giving blow job: That's all you have to say? "Thanks?"
Male, through wall: Moshi-moshi.
Female, exasperated: See, that's your problem! Half the time you don't even speak English anymore!
Male: That was "thank you" in Japanese.
Female: Oh.
Norman, Oklahoma
Well, Did I Enjoy It?
Hot girl: Wait, we just had sex?
Hot guy: We just finished having sex like five minutes ago, do you not remember any of it?
Hot girl: Nope.
Hot guy: Actually, we just finished like thirty seconds ago...
Oxford
England
...Oh, That. Subway, Why?
Girl, after hugging friend: Um, why do you smell like a scrotum?
Guy: Wait, what?
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Guys | New York | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Because I Just Spent a Summer with the Peace Corps Doing That?
Pretty girl to boy: How is bottle-feeding a baby hedgehog not on your to-do list?
Fairfield High School
Fairfield, Connecticut
Categories: Animals | Character | Connecticut | Girls | Questions | Posted 2011-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Why I Married Her, Sweetie
Dad, leading three-year-old girl to bathroom: You need to go potty? You can sit on the potty in here.
Three-year-old girl: No, that potty's not for me. That's for mommy. She has a big butt.
Alameda, California
Overheard by: lith
"...Use Your Afterlife Rollover Minutes"
Sorostitute, about bender: So what time does it start?
Frat boy: I've set my alarm for 9 am. We'll start then. We've got two kegs in and two cases of tequila.
Sorostitute: I'm such a lightweight. I'll probably be passed out by 11. My roommate said "please don't die. If you die, call me."
Penn State University
Categories: Death & dying | Drinking & drunks | Frat boy types | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2011-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Keep Saying About Your Pregnancies!
Teenager #1: Why does the train keep stopping?
Teenager #2: Because it has to stop at train stations.
Teenager #1: Ohmigod, train stations are so random!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Angela
Categories: Australia | Public Transportation | Questions | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2011-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Preferably That Squirmy, Hairless Guy in the Back Row.
Dumb freshman girl: Why does being castrated make your voice high?
Friar professor: Talk to someone after class.
Seattle University
Washington
Overheard by: facepalm
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Questions | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well You're the One Who Said The Cheetah Club Was Out!
Girlfriend: No, tell me, I do wanna know where you want our wedding!
Boyfriend: Funplex.
Girlfriend: You want our wedding at Funplex?
Passerby: Oh, shit!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Walking by
Categories: Couples | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Like Feeling Exotic
Little girl to mother: I always get weirded out when we come to Asian markets.
Mom: Why is that?
Little girl: Because there are so many Asian people in one place!
Mom: Why is that weird?
Uwajimaya
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Koley
Aren't You Glad We Can Talk Like This?
Girl: Woah, when did you get here?
Boy: Everywhere.
Girl: I asked when.
Boy: Oh. Uh. All the time.
Spokane, Washington
Categories: Girls | Guys | Language barrier | Questions | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2011-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom Put the "C" in "ROTC"
Geek #1: So, was your mom a very loose woman when she was in college?
Geek #2: Well, not really, but back when she was in the military, she was.
Morgantown, West Virginia
Overheard by: Mint
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Family ties | Questions | Sexuality | Weirdness | West Virginia | Posted 2011-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Argh, Is It Back to Work Already?
Drunk guy, spotting friend on street on New Year's Eve: Dude, hi! What day is it?
Friend, also drunk: Uh, Friday.
Drunk guy: Monday! You and me and a mountain of weed!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Terry B
Utah Produces Only Two Kinds Of Girls
Girl #1: Wait, you said no?! Did you know he's pre-med?
Girl #2: Yeah, but I don't really like him.
Girl #1: So?
Orem, Utah
...As Some Of You Guessed on the Midterm?
Veterinary pathology professor: The client's Samoyed had puppies, and the last pup came out green. So what happened? Did the bitch get raped by a martian?
Washington State University
Pullman, Washington
Categories: Animals | Questions | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have the Sense to Be Grateful
Guy, sweetly to girlfriend: Hey, honey!
Guy friend: Did you know your voice changes when you talk to her?
Guy: Of course! She's the one who fucks me.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Character | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2011-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember Daddy's Cousin Chuckie?
Four-year-old: I wanna go in there!
Mother: The small mammal house?
Four-year-old, screaming: Small mammals!
Mother: Do you even know what small mammals are?
Four-year-old now, quiet and embarrassed: No.
The National Zoo
Washington, DC
Although If Girls Had Dicks, I'd Be All Over 'em
Guy #1: Do you like Guns 'n' Roses?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: In a strange sort of way, I know Slash. Well... Slash's mom used to be my TA, you know, my teacher's assistant, when I was a kid.
Guy #2: You gotta get me his autograph. I'll suck your dick if you get me his autograph.
Guy #1: Do you prefer guys?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Spokane, Washington
Categories: BJs | Guys | Music | Offers and requests | Questions | Washington | Posted 2011-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Rug Really Tied the Room Together.
Crazy woman on cell: Do you want that pretty rug that I found at your aunt's house? I found out why it smells like piss.
Beloit, Wisconsin
Categories: Crazies | Family ties | Questions | Sensory experiences | Wisconsin | Women | Posted 2011-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aww, Who's My Little Dribbler?
Wife to husband while watching the news: Oh my god! Hahahaha, did you hear what they just said?
Husband: About how that guy "took it on the chin"?
Wife: Yeah, I can't believe they said that on the news!
Husband: I don't think that means what you think it means.
Wife: Oh.
Toronto
Canadia
Maybe Getting Some Hair Extensions
Elderly lady to another: I wonder what God's doing right now. Probably drunk, celebrating his 400th birthday.
Washingtonville, New York
Overheard by: Trisha
Don't Even Get Them Started on the Pussy Products.
Little girl: Can I have the nose now?
Guy: Yeah, sure, it probably has everyone's snot on it now, though.
Older girl: Ew! Oh my gosh, mental image!
Guy: What do you want me to say? I'm speaking their language.
Older girl: Say "nose... products." It has "nose products."
Guy, laughing hysterically: Nose products?
Older girl: Yes, nose products.
Little girl, holding out fake vampire teeth: Here, take my mouth products.
Kids' Playground
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Language barrier | New York | Questions | Posted 2011-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Always Comes Through in the Clench
Roommate #1: But if she has a denty-face?
Roommate #2: Well, that has no bearing on her sphincter.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: roommate #3
Categories: Ass | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Vagina | Posted 2011-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The FDA Says I Have To
20-something hot girl on cell: I was going to sleep with you, until you said "is this a good idea?"
New Jersey
Overheard by: kiera
Categories: Feelings | Girls | New Jersey | On the phone | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2011-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Still Hate to Buy Her a Two-Year Planner, Though
Guy on one side of the store: So how's your friend who has cancer?
Woman in queue, thirty feet away: Oh, she's getting better!
Guy: Really?
Woman: Yeah, they put her on this herbal diet and now she's getting better.
Guy: Wow.
Woman: Yeah, it's amazing.
Guy: So what sort of cancer is it?
Woman: I'm not sure...
Guy: Is it terminus cancer?
Woman: Yeah, I think that's it.
Guy: Terminus cancer, yeah?
Woman: Yeah, yeah, but she's getting better.
London
England
Overheard by: Irongate
To Be Fair, His Vision Has Never Been Better!
Girl, looking at friend's aquarium: Why is there a carrot?! Is that what you've been feeding your snail?
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Animals | Food | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2011-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Same Way I Learned Massage Therapy
Dude #1: I'm a massage therapist and an electrician.
Dude #2: Oh yeah? Did you go to school to learn how to be an electrician?
Dude #1: Naw, I hooked up with this guy who had been doing it for four years and owned a five million dollar house. He just handed me a drill and told me to go for it.
Petaluma, California
Overheard by: lith
So It's Not "Hotel for Dogs"?
Husband: What's the greatest story ever told, then?
Wife: Hansel and Gretel!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Books | California | Couples | Pop culture | Questions | Posted 2011-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight, on the Pilot Episode Of The Golden-Palace Girls...
Woman to ten-year-old son: When I'm old and feeble, will you take me in and take care of me?
Ten-year-old son: No. I'm going to put you in a home with a bunch of Asian people.
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Kids these days.
I'm Beginning to Regret Taking You to Therapy.
Little girl trying on boots: Mom, can I get them?
Mom: Yes, but you have to take them off.
Little girl: Will you help me?
Mom: No, if you don't know how to take your own shoes off by now, I've done something very wrong.
Little girl, in low voice, taking boots off: ...you have.
Target
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Rachel
...Or at Least I Try to Forget.
Daughter: You don't remember his mom?
Mother: Not the one with the cool back hair.
Canton, Ohio
Overheard by: Kaylah
Surpised, but Not Offended
English poetry professor: Would you be offended if I hanged myself right now?
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: awesomepossum
Categories: Canadia | Death & dying | Education | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2011-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Were Those Internet Images Photoshopped?
Psychology teacher, collecting test papers: Do I have all the testes?
High School
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Slips of the Freudian variety
Surprise!
Shopper, examining fish: So, have you had any perverts coming in here yet?
Shop assistant: No... Not yet.
Edinburgh
Scotland
Overheard by: Lena
You're Lucky You Have Me, Melina
Guy: If you had to suck a bag of dicks, would you want them to be hard or soft?
Girl: Soft! So I can fit them all in my mouth.
Guy: Well, I'd rather have them erect.
Girl: Oh! Uh. Why?
Guy: Cause there'd be less dicks in the bag.
Girl: What?! Why didn't I think of that?! Now I just sound like a whore!
Guy: You are.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
...The Golden Retriever Did What with the Banana?
Girl: So... How did your sex tape go?
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: AJ
To Be Fair, Wouldn't You?
Supervisor, looking at sole of kid's shoe: Hey, is that a Hannah Montana shoe?
Seven-year-old kid: Yeah. I don't like Hannah Montana, though. I just bought these so I could step on her face all day.
Calgary
Canadia
Categories: About celebrities | Feelings | Kids | Questions | Posted 2011-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Would Do Anything for Love, but I Won't Do That, Timmy.
Man: What do you want for Christmas?
Chubby boy: Meatloaf.
Brownstone Diner
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Fat people | Food | Guys | Holidays | New Jersey | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2010-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing's Sweeter Than Frozen Semen
Old broad #1: Well, you heard that they froze his semen, right?
Old broad #2, gasping: Really?
Old broad #1: Of course! I mean, Susan* would love to have more children with Thomas*, you know, but on account of the cancer, it just makes things a little difficult.
Old broad #2: That's so sweet...
Salon
Madison, Wisconsin
Calls Himself a "Demosexual"
Woman #1: The Democrats were bound to lose the House majority, though... Oh, did you hear about David?
Woman #2: What about him?
Woman #1: Well, he recently came out.
Woman #2: Oh my god! As a Democrat?
University of North Texas
Admit It-- You're Strangely Aroused.
Pretty hipster in lab: It's cold in here and it's also not hot outside.
Pretty nerd in lab: Shouldn't the thrill of science keep you warm?
Pretty hipster in lab: That's such a stupid thing to say...
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: Warm for Science
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Hipsters | New York | Questions | Science | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2010-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yada Yada Yada, I'm Not Allowed Back Next Semester.
Female college girl: She asked me "what's a vagina?"
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Girls | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2010-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good Luck Filling My Cup, Sir
Male customer: Since you're new, I will order slowly. (proceeds to do so)
Cute female barista, after writing down: Okay, that wasn't so hard!
Male customer: Oh, I'll give you something hard... Oh, wait, did that come out wrong?
Roswell, Georgia
Categories: Baristas | Customers | Etiquette | Euphemisms | Georgia | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2010-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: Stuffed Animal Security, Now With New Functionanality!
Toy store employee: Wait, so which one has the butthole?
Mall
New Jersey
Overheard by: thinking of the children
Categories: Body parts | Employees | New Jersey | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Here's Stephen Jay Gould to Explain
Professor: Do you ever wonder why men have nipples? Men use their large chests to attract women, like peacocks. But why the nipples? It's not like someone's going to be sucking on my nipple...
Oswego, New York
Categories: Body parts | New York | Questions | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do People Keep Marrying Danny Bonaduce?
Guy on Bluetooth: They took the two most aggressive animals and bred them together. What did they think was going to happen?
Oxford Valley Mall
Langhorne, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Tom
Categories: Animals | Guys | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Ask Me How to Say "Pizza"!
Guy #1: I can speak Italian.
Guy #2: How do you say "cheese" in Italian?
Guy #1: Ha! That's easy, "mozzarella"!
Italian Restaurant
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Chloe
Just Don't Ask Me to Ride Your Pinta
Girl: So, while fixing the leak, you may discover something else?
50-year old mechanic, grinning and nodding: I am Columbus.
Auto Body Shop
Lanham, Maryland
Overheard by: Jen
Oh, Biblically.
Five-year-old girl, pointing to picture on cup: Who's that?
Babysitter: That's Ronald McDonald.
Five-year-old girl: Oh... How do you know him?
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Categories: About celebrities | Babysitters | Kids | New York | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2010-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Once Tried to Chew a Bathroom Tile and Ended Up in the Hospital for a Week
Girl to friends: Is butter a mineral? I can't eat minerals.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Actually I think it's a vegetable
Or Just Check It Out on Your Sex Blog
Little girl: What color is your bed?
Patient babysitter: Blue.
Little girl: What color is your bathroom?
Patient babysitter: Red.
Little girl: What color is your underwear?
Patient babysitter: Sweetie, I'm not telling you that!
Little girl: That's okay, I'll see it when you bend over.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Babysitters | Clothes | Education | Kids | Questions | Washington | Posted 2010-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
First Of All, It's Totally Disgusting That He Rode a Niña
Wife: Are you sure your office isn't closed for Columbus Day?
Husband: No, we could opt to take it off rather than the Friday after Thanksgiving.
Wife: Oh, that would be dumb.
Husband: Yeah. Besides, I think Columbus was kind of an a-hole.
Nashville, Tennessee
I Always Thought She Seemed a Bit Fuzzy for a Girl
Girl student: Her family is so weird.
Guy student: How so?
Girl student: Her dad, like, goes in her backyard and catches squirrels.
Guy student, after long pause: Wait, what does he do with them?
Girl student: Raises them?
Starbucks
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Ashlie
Or Renée Zellweger?
Drunk Asian kid entering kitchen at party: I just went to use the bathroom, but there was some weird Asian girl waiting outside the door.
Sober, bitter girl: Are you sure it wasn't just a mirror?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: bitter girl's roommate
Categories: Asians | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2010-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Didn't You Read the Welcome Sign at the Airport?
Tourist: Wait, so you can't smoke cigarettes, but you can smoke pot?
Local guy: Welcome to California!
Golden Gate Park
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Arielle
The Best First Date I've Had in a Good Long While
Girl: And then he asked if I had dingleberries, and I was like, "no," and then I said "but my cat does."
UMASS
Massachusetts
Categories: Ass | Massachusetts | Poop | Questions | Posted 2010-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Poop in Little Rock, Arkansas.
Tough guy at urinal: So you live around here?
Tough guy at different urinal: Nope, just pee here.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: Cameron
Well It Is Exactly Nine Months Before Labor Day.
Tall girl: What is this? Let's-all-jump-Jennifer-and-get-her-pregnant Day?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Julianna
Categories: Girls | Pregnancy | Questions | Violence | Washington | Posted 2010-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because This Is New Jersey, Bitch!
Girl #1, discussing her boobs: I have lemons! What do you have?
Girl #2: Shit, I have watermelons.
Girl #3, grabbing her own boobs: I have cantaloupes.
Girl #1: Why are you grabbing your cantaloupes?
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Euphemisms | Fruit | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2010-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...It's Medicinal!
Loud boyfriend: Where's the rest of it? You only needed five dollars for the hat. Where's the change?
Loud girlfriend: Give it a rest, Tommy. Okay, I gave you your change.
Loud boyfriend: You know, we need the fifteen dollars for the hotel, and I need hair gel.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Pbritches
Categories: Beauty | California | Couples | Money | Questions | Posted 2010-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Strawberry Shortcake and the Purple Pieman Never Quite Saw Eye-to-eye
Hobo: Hey, can you spare some change?
Girl: I don't have change, but I do have this muffin.
Hobo: Can't buy no weed with a muffin!
Boston, Massachusetts
Meet Berkeley's Best Improvisational Lear
Furious hobo in tie-dye to frightened college student: You know why girls wear perfume and makeup? Because they're ugly and they stink! God bless you.
Berkeley, California
Categories: Advice | California | Health & Hygiene | Homeless | Questions | Students | Posted 2010-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How to Enjoy Epcot: Explained
Man #1: Are you having fun?
Man #2: Yeah. Are you having fun?
Man #1: Yeah.
Man #2: Why?
Man #1: 'Cause this is the most sober we're going to be all night.
Epcot
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Maddie
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Florida | Guys | Leisure | Questions | Posted 2010-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Suspect Richard Simmons Is Gathering Strength Somewhere, Waiting for His Next Moment.
Physical therapy student: So he's gotten a *lot* more fit in the last 300 years, right?
Simmons College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Yoshi
Categories: Beauty | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Questions | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really Big Girls, Though
Ditzy blond: How many girls have you seen down there!
Ditzy guy with ditzy blond: Tons! Like, so many! (pause) Oh, okay! Fine! Six.
Great American Ball Park
Cincinnati, Ohio
NewsFlash: Tim Burton Slated to Direct Next Bring It On! Movie
Teen girl #1: I don't get why they put "eat it" by the cheerleaders.
Teen girl #2: Me neither. You can't, like, eat cheers.
Teen girl #1: Yeah... But you can eat cheerleaders.
High School
Kansas
Just for Coffee, Not for Abduction
Girl eating pizza to friends: Like, do I want to meet aliens? Yes!
Pizza Place
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Felicity
We Just Post Your Photo in the Breakroom and Throw Tomatoes at It.
Fundraiser on phone: So what made it a cult? (pause) No, we don't record this information.
Reed College
Portland, Oregon
Categories: On the phone | Oregon | Questions | Religion | Weirdness | Posted 2010-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Thought There Was an Echo in Your Bathroom.
Guy in stall #1: Hi, how are you?
Guy in stall #2: Fine. Thanks.
Guy in stall #1: So what are you up to?
Guy in stall #2: Uh, the same as you.
Guy in stall #1: Can I come over?
Guy in stall #2: What the hell? I'm a little busy right now, freak!
Guy in stall #1: Listen, let me call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering my questions.
Restaurant Bathroom
Manhattan, New York
What If It's All True, Though?
Teenage girl: But you don't actually believe god made the world in seven days.
Teenage boy: No.
Teenage girl: And you believe in evolution and the dinosaurs?
Teenage boy: Yes.
Teenage girl: How come?
Teenage boy: Because a world that never had dinosaurs is a world I want no part of.
Adelaide
Australia
No More Decisions for You, My Pet
Smoking man in expensive suit to smoking woman in expensive dress: And then, either way, you're a zombie. Right?
Toronto
Canadia
Mom Has All the Answers
Girl on phone: Hamster ovaries? Really? I did not know that.
College
Portland, Oregon
Categories: Animals | Bimbettes | Body parts | Oregon | Questions | Posted 2010-11-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Mistake Was Shaking His Hand
20-something to friend: I can't believe you asked if he was the handjob guy!
Norman, Oklahoma
...With William Shakespeare?
Older sister: Did you know Louie Armstrong smoked a lot of pot?
Younger sister: While he was in space?
Auburn, Washington
Isn't That The L Word's Go-To Plot?
High school girl on phone: Wait... How do I rape you?
Denver, Colorado
When You Stick a Key Into It, All It Does Is Sputter.
60-something tourist holding map, looking bewildered: So why is it called lemon chicken anyway?
Canberra
Australia
I Give It Five Fist-Pumps.
Man #1: You don't watch it?
Man #2: It's beneath me.
Man #3, under his breath: Jersey Shore is a good fucking show!
AMC Theatres
Toronto
Canadia
When Summer's Eve Merged with The Learning Channel
Girl: Do you ever get the feeling we're, like, related to monkeys?
Bryn Mawr College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2010-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Ultimate Hidden Valley
Woman #1: What do you think ranch dressing goes good on?
Woman #2: Ball sack.
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Overheard by: So What?
I Was Like, "Sorry, I'm Trying to Cut Down"
Skinny guy: He's coming to the party tonight? Wasn't he hitting on your girlfriend last time?
Big burly bearded guy: No, she texted me last night. She talked to his roommate: turns out he wasn't inviting her to a threesome 'cause he likes her. He was inviting us to a foursome 'cause he likes me.
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Guys | Infidelity | Questions | Sex | Sexuality | Skinny people | Posted 2010-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Those Are the Choices?
Blue collar guy on lunch break: Does she use a strap-on or does she have something that pops out like a turtle head?
Northwestern Law School
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: What a Horrible Visual
Is It or Is It Not the High Holy Days?
Boy #1: Dude, you know what the best time to get high would be? Right before temple.
Boy #2: No, dude, it's Yom Kippur. You'll be so hungry...
Private High School
New York, New York
Overheard by: so many things wrong with this
Categories: Drugs | Guys | Jews | New York | Questions | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Time Management | Posted 2010-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guys See Life Itself As a Huge Taco Party
Guy: What are you all doing?
Teen girl #1, waving taco: We're having a taco party.
Teen girl #2: Taco party!
Guy: Awesome! Keep on keeping on!
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: I want a Taco Party
...Has The Times Told Us Whether or Not We Like It?
Middle-aged woman: So, what's on tv tonight?
Middle-aged man: Chuck.
Middle-aged woman: Oh, do we watch that?
Middle-aged man: I don't know.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Guys | North Carolina | Questions | TV shows | Women | Posted 2010-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Christian Siriano Has Difficulty Getting Dates
College girl: We blew a fuse in our room last night. Just in our room, not the rest of the hall.
Science professor: And what did you do to solve this problem?
College girl: I cried.
Professor: That doesn't solve the problem!
College girl: Well, half of my hair was dry and the other half wasn't!
Professor: You were not bilaterally symmetrical. That can be a problem.
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