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When Satanists Ride the BART
Girl on train, not wearing earphones: Rah rah ah-ah-ah! Roma ro ma-ma! Gaga ooh la!
Girl across the seat: I will eat your uterus.
BART
San Francisco, California
Categories: California | Girls | Public Transportation | Uterus | Weirdness | Posted 2011-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Chicago Has Two Types Of Bears, Ma'am
Guy #1: I loved the way you fucked me last night.
Guy #2: I can't wait to do it again, tonight.
Guy #1: Mmmm, I'm getting hot just thinking about it.
Annoyed woman sitting in front of them: You two fools do realize everyone on the bus can hear you, don't you?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: CTA bus rider
That's What You Keep Saying About Your Pregnancies!
Teenager #1: Why does the train keep stopping?
Teenager #2: Because it has to stop at train stations.
Teenager #1: Ohmigod, train stations are so random!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Angela
Categories: Australia | Public Transportation | Questions | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2011-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Escalator to Hell Is Paved With Starbucks Cups
Gay guy going up escalator to girl going down with coffee: You know you're not supposed to have drinks on the metro.
Girl with coffee: Okay, then take it for me. (he refuses, she calls up to him) Take it! Take it! I'm not supposed to have it! What will I do!?
Metro Station
Washington, DC
Categories: Etiquette | Gays | Girls | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Washington, DC | Posted 2011-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Meant SkyMall Magazine, but Whatever
Newbie guy on airplane: What's this?
Female friend: For your entertainment.
Newbie guy: Ooooh! Barf bag!
Washington International Airport
Baltimore, Maryland
Categories: Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Maryland | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2010-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Suggested I Test the Tracks by Sleeping on Them
Angry girl on cell: No, I seriously hate him. He wouldn't stop laughing at me the entire night, and I felt like an idiot. All I asked was whether real trains still run on train tracks. I mean, I just thought the tracks were antiques that got left behind or something... It's not a stupid question!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: kgirl42
Categories: Feelings | Girls | Gripes | On the phone | Public Transportation | Questions | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2010-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
New Yorkers: We Thought It Was Clean
Girl #1: I wonder if vegans get on the metro and, like, can't sit down because the seats are leather.
Guy: No, this is pleather.
Girl #2: If it were leather it would smell like it.
Guy: No, that's only clean leather.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Vegan sitting on the Metro
Categories: Diet & weight | Girls | Guys | Public Transportation | Sensory experiences | Washington, DC | Posted 2010-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pshaw, Maybe in Middle School.
Girl #1: Did you ever have a threesome?
Girl #2: Does a train count?
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: e
Categories: Girls | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Sex | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hmm...You Also Said the Muppet Babies Were Making You Clean Your Oven.
Woman: The Italian mafia are making me conduct the trains!
Subway Station
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
Um, Why Is the Horn Down Your Pants?
Bus driver: So, I heard the last 9 bus was full and a lot of you had to wait for this one. If you're angry about it, you can honk this bus' horn. Really. I don't want you leaving here mad at Bloomington transit.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Honked the Horn
Categories: Bus drivers | Indiana | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Posted 2010-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Exactly...
BU student #1, looking at his CharlieCard: Dude, I have never seen this guy anywhere in Boston. Where do you think he is?
BU student #2, also looking at his CharlieCard: Dude, I don't know.
BU student #1: Maybe he died.
BU student #3: Yeah, because he was sticking his fucking head out of the fucking train window while the train was in motion.
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Death & dying | Guys | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Violence | Posted 2010-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being American, in a Nutshell.
Conductor: Everybody please be patient, we have an obstruction on the tracks. Police are working to clear it, we will continue as soon as they finish.
Young suit: We're in a 55-ton battering ram, why did we even stop?
MAX Rail
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Ram Das
Categories: Conductors | Oregon | Public Transportation | Questions | Suits | Train | Posted 2010-02-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Would've Assumed You Could Read
Train conductor, to teenage girl with feet on chair: Can you read? (points to sign)
Teenage girl: What...? Oh, sorry. (takes her feet down, conductor walks away)
Suit: He would have never done that if you were a guy.
New Jersey Transit
Categories: Conductors | New Jersey | Public Transportation | Questions | Sexuality | Suits | Teens | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And If You Have Any Train-Driving Experience, Please Report to the Front Car.
Conductor: Welcome on board the 4:15 service to Wolverhampton, calling at Smethwick, Sandwell and... Oh god, my head... (mic cuts out for a while) Sandwell... and Dudley, and Wolverhampton... (breathes heavily, deep sigh, mic cuts out again)
Birmingham to Wolverhampton Train
England
Overheard by: xSJBx
Categories: Conductors | England | Headaches | Public Transportation | Train | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Assume Everyone's Seen Independence Day?
Conductor, at the end of introductory speech: And, ladies and gentlemen, in the event of an emergency... you all know what to do.
Train
St. Louis, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Conductors | Missouri | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Then Burst Into the Laverne and Shirley Theme Song
Train operator: Orange line to Vienna. If you are on the platform, you better hurry up. Cause I'm not going to let you slow me down.
Metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Reject
Categories: Conductors | Public Transportation | Threats | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Even Though It Sounds Like It Could Be a Muslim Name.
Flight attendant: Just for future reference, when flying into O'Hare, Xanax is your friend.
O'Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: NeededSome
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Flight attendants | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Happily, Her Default Assumption Is Cancun.
Confused lady on PA: Ladies and gentleman, flight 250... Wait, where am I?
Airport
Salt Lake City, Utah
Categories: Airports & flights | Employees | Public Transportation | Questions | Utah | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Gonna Love Detroit, Sir
Social worker talking to hobo: What can I get for you, sir?
Hobo: How about a 9 mm semi-automatic gun?
Social worker: Well, I can't do that, but do you need bus tickets? Where are you going?
Hobo: Hell.
Social worker: Okay, I'll get those bus tickets then.
Hobo: Your hair's much nicer than mine.
Hospital
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: yooo
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Employees | Evil | Hair | Hobos | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Far Will This Bus Token Get Me?
Old lady to female bus driver: I need to get laid.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: exactly
Categories: Bus | Bus drivers | Old folks | Oregon | Public Transportation | Sex | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did You Get Its Consent First?
Conductor, over speaker: Stop touching the train. Yes. You. I can see you on the security cameras.
Sutherland Train Station
Australia
Categories: Australia | Conductors | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How International Incidents Begin
Gate attendant over PA: This is the final boarding call for Singapore Airlines flight 123.
(announcement is repeated several times over there)
Different voice, over pa: Singapore airlines, could you please not make so many announcements?
Airport
San Francisco, California
Categories: Airports & flights | Employees | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | San Francisco | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Next Stupid State Referendum
Loudspeaker in airport: Please don't leave your belongings unattended.
Crazy lady, to no one: Did they just say homosexuality isn't allowed in the airport?
Airport
Oakland, California
Overheard by: Kristina
Categories: Airports & flights | California | Crazies | Public Transportation | Sexuality | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...We've Reached the Train Hub.
Conductor, over intercom: Rub-a-dub-dub!
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Conductors | Illinois | Public Transportation | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'll Now Begin the "Sensual Massage" Portion Of Our Flight
Flight attendant, over loudspeaker: We will now be dimming the lights for the remainder of the flight.
(Lights dim)
Flight attendant, in deep, sexy voice: Are you in the mood to fly now? I thought so...
Southwest Airlines Flight
Austin, Texas
Categories: Airports & flights | Flight attendants | Public Transportation | Questions | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Happens When You Tell Them There Are No Stupid Questions
Girl to teacher, about Underground Railroad: Wait... didn't the white people hear the train go by?
High School
Clark, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sweeney
Categories: Education | New Jersey | Public Transportation | Questions | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'm Sure You'll Locate Your Suitcase-- Bwahaha!
Passenger trying to find lost baggage: Excuse me! Do you work for United?
Airline steward: No! Oh no! Thank god!
P.E. Trudeau Airport
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Airports & flights | Canadia | Clients | Flight attendants | Jobs & Careers | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Another Ticket and I Lose My License
Pilot standing at door to plane after pulling into gate: Shit! I totally didn't mean to park here!
Airport
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Categories: Airports & flights | Colorado | Pilots | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Where the Naked Twister Game Is Taking Place
Teen boy #1: Haha, you have to be in the back of the bus.
Teen boy #2: Is that a race thing?
Teen boy #1: No, its a sexual thing.
Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sara
Categories: Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Questions | Race | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Props for Not Drinking and Driving, Though
Drunk bus rider #1: Damn, this bus is always so slow!
Drunk bus rider #2: I swear, if I was a wizard, I would turn this bus into a rabbit... But that's fantasy stuff, and I'm not that into fantasy.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Animals | Bus | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Gripes | Magic | Public Transportation | Washington | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Train Is Like the Hotel California, Beeyotch.
Black woman #1: I hate when people wait to the last minute to try and get off at a stop.
Black woman #2: Mmm-hmm.
Black woman #1: I don't let them past if they try to do that shit.
Black woman #2: What you do?
Black woman #1: I'll push their mothafuckin' ass back on the train!
Subway
New York City
Categories: Ass | Black people | Gripes | Insults | New York | Public Transportation | Train | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Communists and Capitalists Work Together
Flight attendant: As you depart the aircraft, please check your area for any personal belongings. If you leave anything behind, please make sure that it can either be split three ways or that we can sell it on eBay. Thanks for flying Southwest!
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: robyn
Categories: Airports & flights | Flight attendants | Internet | New York | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Some Kids Wet the Bed
Mother to five-year-old: Keep moving, we don't want to be in the first car. If the train crashes, we'd be done for.
Metro North Railroad
New York City, New York
Overheard by: BOB Sled
Would Be Cute Except That the Bus Is Empty
Bus driver: Push back, push back! Don't be afraid! Hold somebody's hand, tell 'em you love 'em!
57 Bus
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Smallison
Categories: Bus | Bus drivers | Feelings | Hands | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Would End the Fun and Games
Emo guy on cell: I've got to get on the electric snake now. I'll go wherever it takes me. (pause) Tell your mom not to lose an eye, ok?
B Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Smallison
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Guys | Massachusetts | On the phone | Parenting | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Did His Horoscope
Conductor: Do not buy anything from the man in the yellow shirt and white tennis shoes. He will be arrested.
Subway
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Advice | California | Clothes | Clothing | Conductors | Crimes | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lest a Fire Hose Become Your Bidet
T conductor, over loudspeaker: Sir! The world is not your toilet!
Park St. Station
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Conductors | Massachusetts | Pee | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lightly Stroke It.
Flight attendant: Contrary to popular belief, pushing the button with the flight attendant on it will not turn your flight attendant on. So don't push it.
Flight to New York
Overheard by: Erica Lynn
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Flight attendants | New York | Public Transportation | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...If It Were Spelled with a Silent T.
Teenager: Hey, which terminal is baggage claim?
Airport employee: Terminal T.
Teenager: Wait...which one?
Airport employee: Terminal T. "T" as in "Charlie."
JFK Airport
New York City, New York
Overheard by:
Categories: Airports & flights | Employees | Names | New York | Public Transportation | Questions | Stupidity | Teens | Words | Posted 2009-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Are You Doing in Albuquerque, Then?
Security officer, pulling out fingernail clippers from carry-on: Sir, what are your intentions with these?
Man in line, deadpan: To take over the world.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: Zombie
Categories: Clients | Cops | New Mexico | Public Transportation | Questions | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Right Said Fred Could Not Sustain Their Popularity
Guy #1: Just admit it, man.
Guy #2: Admit what? That I'm great and wonderful and perfect in every way shape and form? Alright, I'm great and wonderful and perfect in every way shape and form!
Guy #1: No, admit that you're crazier than me!
Guy #2: Yeah, well...you're just Mr "Too sexy for my shirt," and I'm Mr "Too sexy for my life," but seriously, I'm so smart and everyone loves me.
Guy #3: You're just lyin' to yourself, man.
Guy #2: I'm too sexy for the world! That's just the way it is. I'm the next Albert Einstein. Everyone will soon realize that they love me. You all know that I'm right, so say that I am always right! You're dumb and I'm smart. Everyone loves me.
Bus driver: Will you guys be quiet? No one wants to hear this!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Lulu
Categories: Bragging | Bringing it back to you | Bus | Bus drivers | Compare and contrast | Guys | Lies | New York | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Requiem for a Dream? Really?
Passenger to attendant: Excuse me? They turned the movie off.
Attendant: Yes, we're landing earlier than thought.
Passenger: Oh, but the movie wasn't over.
Attendant: Sorry about that, but we need to turn it off for descent.
Passenger: But I was watching it!
Attendant: I am very sorry, but since we have started our descent...
Passenger, interrupting: But now I don't know how it ends!
Attendant: They all lived happily ever after.
Qantas Flight to Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Seat 14 F
Categories: Airports & flights | Australia | Clients | Flight attendants | Gripes | Happiness | Movies | Public Transportation | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I'm Sure You All Appreciated the Delay
Vaguely thuggish flight attendant: Aiiight, y'all, welcome aboard United Airlines...don't know the flight number, but we're going to Detroit, and that's all that matters.
Delayed Flight from Washington, DC
Overheard by: keeeeem
Categories: Airports & flights | Flight attendants | Public Transportation | Thugs | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Desire to Flee Rochester Will Overpower Anything
Woman on PA system: Attention. Please disregard the call for wheelchair assistance at gate A-5. Repeat: there is no wheelchair needed at gate A-5. It's a miracle!
Airport
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: Patty Astrolabe
Categories: Airports & flights | Health & Hygiene | Magic | New York | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Englishman Has Sense Of Humor. Film at 11.
Pilot, after riding tarmac for 20 minutes: Ladies and gentleman, this concludes our first two miles of our trip from London-Heahtrow International to Newark International. We do hope you enjoyed our lovely tarmac. The flight will commence once air traffic gives the all-clear for takeoff.
Heathrow International Airport
London
England
Overheard by: tired traveler
Categories: Airports & flights | England | Pilots | Public Transportation | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Storing It Next to Jean-Luc Cousteau's Cheese Wheel
PA: Paging arriving passenger Juan Sanchez from Mexico City. Please return to gate B4 to retrieve your piñata.
Airport
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Airports & flights | Latinos | North Carolina | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Rappers Moonlight.
Train driver: This train is being taken out of service. Brigham Circle will be the last stop for this train. Don't hate the player, hate the game!
E Train
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: camille
Categories: Advice | Conductors | Gripes | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Depends -- Is It 1987?
Goth girl, looking at poster: Do you think that singing Weird Al in the middle of the train counts as suspicious behavior or unusual behavior?
H Line
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Goths | Music | Public Transportation | Questions | Train | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not Every Day You Get to Have Your Face Smushed Against a Complete Stranger
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are normally a six-car train. Today they gave us four cars. I cried, I begged, but to no avail. (10 minutes later) Next stop, Secaucus! Hang on, we're gonna make it!
Transit Train
New Jersey
Overheard by: twoferrets
Categories: Conductors | Feelings | New Jersey | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Vacations Exist.
Conductor: Next stop, Chiswick. (trailing off) Chiswick... Chiswick... Cheese balls... Cheese balls...balls. (normal tone) Next stop, Chiswick.
B Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Stefa
Categories: Balls | Conductors | Food | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Train | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And How Do I Get That Job?
Woman on cell, after next bus stop is announced: Did you hear that? The woman giving the announcement? It's the same woman every time. I wonder where she is.
eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | On the phone | Public Transportation | Questions | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If That's True, How Come There's Never Been a Real World There?
Flight attendant: Okay, everyone, we're going to be landing soon. We would like to be the first to welcome you to reality...I mean, Cleveland.
Plane over Cleveland, Ohio
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Flight attendants | Ohio | Public Transportation | US Geography | Words | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Grim Reaper: "I Duck Into the Bathroom for Two Minutes..."
Flight attendant, after landing: If anyone left a black coat, please come to the front of the cabin to claim it. (pause) Or if anyone would like to take a black coat for free.
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Flight attendants | Florida | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Please Direct Any Questions to That Brick Wall Over There
Flight attendant, doing safety instructions before takeoff: Pull on the tab to inflate the life vest. If that doesn't work, blow it up manually. If that doesn't work...thank you for flying Southwest.
Flight over Providence, Rhode Island
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Default | Flight attendants | Names | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Rhode Island | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Alice Had Yet to Learn to Scream "Back the Fuck Off Me!"
Terrifyingly cheerful woman, handing out christian pamphlets at bus stop: Hello! Would you like something to read on the bus?
Girl, already reading large book: I'm, uh...I'm already...
Crazy looking hobo, scoffing and muttering to girl: People can be insane.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Books | California | Crazies | Default | Girls | Hobos | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Questions | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Some Kids Refuse to Come Out Of Their Shells
Little boy: Mommy, if a turtle has no shell is it naked or homeless?
Mother: It would be dead, sweetheart.
Little boy: That's sad, mommy.
Mother: No, it isn't, dear. Come on, this is our stop.
Metro
Washington, DC
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2009-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nobody Can Do Sexual Harassment Like the Insane
Crazy bag lady, loudly: I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy!
(sits down next to another passenger on the subway)
Crazy bag lady, now in passenger's face: I don't suck dick for pussy!
(female passenger gets up and moves)
Crazy bag lady: Why you jumping? Why you jumping, bitch!? You weren't jumpin' last night when that guy put his long ass dick in you last night!
Female passenger: Excuse me, ma'am, don't say that to me! You don't know me!
(subway train stops)
Conductor: City Hall station!
Female passenger: Excuse me, sir, there's a crazy lady on the subway harassing the other passengers.
Conductor: Oh, could you point her out to me?
(female passenger points to crazy woman yelling)
Conductor: Ma'am, are you bothering people?
Crazy bag lady: Why you tryin' to fuck me standing up!? Why don't you fuck me lying down like a gentleman!
Conductor: Ma'am, I'm calling the police.
Broad Street Line Subway
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Ass | BJs | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Default | Employees | Insults | Offers and requests | Penis | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Sex | Vagina | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Those Who've Lost Theirs, We Offer Replacements for a Small Fee.
Male flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, we have finally arrived at a gate. Please make sure you have all your personal belongings before you disembark: iPods, cell phones, BlackBerrys, small pets, sweaters, sunglasses, and since we just came from Las Vegas, wedding rings. Make sure you get those back on folks.
Oakland Airport, California
Overheard by: kat
Categories: Airports & flights | California | Clothes | Default | Flight attendants | Gadgets | Guys | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All Children Left Behind Will Be Used As Slaves
Flight attendant, during speech: There is also an overhead call button, that if you misuse, will eject you from the aircraft.
Flight go Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Hikari
Categories: Airports & flights | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Flight attendants | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone Feels Like This When They See Tom Cruise
Girl #1: Shit!
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: I forgot to ask him if he's gay!
Girl #2: But you don't even know him!
Girl #1: I know, and now I've lost my chance...I'll wonder for the rest of my life if he was gay or not. And maybe one day, when I'm old and gray, I'll see him, at a bus-stop maybe, and then I'll try to ask him...and he'll be already on the bus, and I'll never know.
Girl #2: You're kind of a freak.
University of Delaware
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Delaware | Girls | Public Transportation | Questions | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Playing with Myself a Little
Pilot, during severely delayed flight: This is your pilot speaking, no word from air traffic control, but I just wanted to let you know...that I'm thinking of all of you.
Runway
Miami International Airport, Florida
Overheard by: Chelsea
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Florida | Offers and requests | Pilots | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Be Sure to Return Your Seat Backs to the Awkward Position
Stewardess: Wave hi to my ex-husband and his new wife as they pass by.
Southwest Airlines Flight
Houston to New Orleans
Overheard by: Passenger A 44
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Flight attendants | Girls | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Relationships | USA | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Thinking It's the First Clue in My Quest for the Holy Grail
Male student: So there was a hobo on the train and he sat next to me and he was like, "me no wah". So I was like, "what?" and he just said "me no wah!" so I was really confused and then I realized I had my backpack, so I gave him a pen and a paper and he wrote "m-e n-o w-a-h." So I was really mad and was like, "dude, that was supposed to clear things up," but it didn't.
Female student: Word.
University of Michigan, Ann Arbor
Overheard by: Kelli
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Guys | Michigan | Public Transportation | Questions | Students | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is Your Brain on Subway Conducting...
Subway conductor, as train lights go out: Ladies and gentlemen, we are currently experiencing a delay because some yahoo cut the power lines walking at track level at St. George station. (ominously) Do you know where your children are?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Jtf
Categories: Canadia | Default | Employees | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Really Need Internet Access for This Sort Of Thing
Girl on subway to friend: It'd be weird to have sex with a girl.
Friend: Yeah, you wouldn't know where everything goes.
Girl: Nothing would fit. (pause) This is probably not a subway conversation.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Default | Friends | Girls | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Sex | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'd Hate to Hear Him in Bed
Pilot over intercom after rough landing: Whooaa, Nessie! (makes galloping sound) Easy, girl! (makes baaing sound) Whoops, wrong animal.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: kayla
Categories: Airports & flights | Animals | Default | Pilots | Public Transportation | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Not Allowed to Desire Anything
Dude on streetcar: Anybody on the bus got a newspaper?
Friend: Dude, this is a streetcar.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Glad this town has transit options
And We Hope Our Passengers in First Class Enjoy the Foxy Boxing
Flight attendant: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard flight 1751 to Raleigh-Durham. My name is John and I am your head flight attendant today. I will be assisted by my lovely fiancee Sarah and my ex-wife Jill. It may be a little awkward but we hope you have a pleasant flight.
Runway
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Default | Flight attendants | Georgia | Guys | Names | Plane | Public Transportation | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
By Show Of Hands, Who'd Give Him the Money Without Hesitation?
Flamboyant black man to woman waiting at crosswalk: Oh, thank god for a sister! I need some money for the bus and I just know you'll help me out, little white barbie sister!
Saint Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Margie
Categories: Black people | Default | Family ties | Guys | Missouri | Money | Public Transportation | Queers | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Passes for Raucous Wit, in Britain
Lady on loudspeaker: The train on platform 3 is going to Edgeware Road. The train on platform 4 is for Embankment Station. District Line services are not running between Embankment and Whitechapel. Platform 3 is for Edgeware Road, platform 4 is for Embankment. If you are still on this platform after these trains leave, you are lost and confused and need to find a member of staff.
Earl's Court Station
London
England
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | England | Geography | Jobs & Careers | Public Transportation | Train | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Here's a Coupon for a Complimentary Cavity Search
Irate mother: No, you don't understand. I need to board that plane now!
Stewardess at gate: Ma'm, you cannot board now. There is no airplane at the end of the jetway. Look--no plane out there.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: delayed flights always make me irrational too
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Public Transportation | Women | Posted 2009-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ah, the Irish Imagination
Little boy, as plane starts its descent: Oh my god! What are going to do? We are going to get stuck in the clouds! Please! Somebody help us! Help!
Dublin
Ireland
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Guys | Ireland | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If You Could Pass to the Front Your Wallets and Jewelry, That Would Be Awesome-- Thanks!
Pilot to passengers: Everyone, please make sure your seatbelts are fastened. I'm gonna fly this plane like I stole it.
Flight from Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Default | Offers and requests | Pilots | Public Transportation | Tennessee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Evidenced by the Last Election
Metro cop addressing large crowd waiting for the orange line: Keep moving down the platform. Move down, please!
Tired tourist mom: Move down, honey.
Little girl: Why?
Tired tourist mom: Because we're sheep, that's why.
Smithsonian Station, DC Metro
Washington, DC
Categories: Animals | Cops | Default | Family ties | Girls | Kids | Moms | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Tourists | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not You, It's Us
Southwest Airlines employee: Mr Jones*, only one minute to be at the gate B5. We looove you, but we have to goooo!
Airport
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Jake Conner
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Feelings | Florida | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-02-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Be Sure to Return Your Babies to the Full Upright Position Before Landing
Airplane pilot: And just for sanitary reasons, please change your babies diapers in the bathroom, not on the pullout table in front of you, because people might stare.
Airport
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: nicole
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Default | Florida | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Pilots | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks, Airfone!
Girl to friend: So on the way here, I joined the mile high club...by myself!
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Colleges & Universities | Default | Euphemisms | Girls | Names | Public Transportation | Sex | Words | Posted 2009-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In and Out, In and Out, All Night Long
Conductor: Mind the gap, doors closing. (train does not move) Those naughty, naughty doors.
London
England
Overheard by: ren
Categories: Advice | Conductors | Default | England | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Merde on the WestJet Express
Flight attendant: So I'm gonna let the lady in the box [the recording] take it away in French, then I'll finish up in English, because we like to save the best for last!
Entire plane: Oooooooooooooh!
Lady at the back (in French): We're still in Quebec, you know!
WestJet Flight
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Airports & flights | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Flight attendants | Geography | Insults | Language barrier | Public Transportation | Women | Posted 2008-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'll Be Departing Just As Soon As These Pills Wear Off
Pilot over loudspeaker (riffing on harmonica): This is your captain speaking, (harmonica riff) Welcome aboard, (harmonica riff) Please fasten your seat belts. (harmonica riff) Or we won't be able to leave beautiful Atlanta, Georgia.
(does long, jazzy harmonica riff. Passengers applaud)
Pilot (in Elvis voice): Thank you very much.
American Airlines Flight
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Georgia | Music | Nipples | Offers and requests | Pilots | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What the Overhead Lights Are For
Flight attendant (on PA): Chances are they're all middle seats. Find the one with the most attractive people, and take it.
Southwest Flight over California
Overheard by: Armen
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Beauty | California | Default | Flight attendants | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...in Exchange for Cooking Lessons
Conductor: This train will terminate at Stratford. The next station is Waterloo. Please change here for the Bakerloo, Northern and Waterloo & City lines. Alternatively you can also change for Waterloo International, catch the next Eurostar, go to Paris and show the French how to play rugby.
London
England
Overheard by: kat
Categories: Conductors | Default | England | Geography | Offers and requests | Pride | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2008-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Henry VIII Hated Getting Caught in Traffic Before a Flight
American tourist: Why did they put the castle so close to the airport?
Outside Windsor Castle
Windsor
England
There Will Be Confetti and Speeches
Conductor: This is not the airport station. You will know it when you see it. I will make a big deal about it when we get there.
BART Station
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Glad my iPod was off
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Conductors | Default | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Posted 2008-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's That All Over the Seat?
Pink-haired teen: You've never been on the bus before? Oh my god, we totally stole your bus virginity!
Shout-out: weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com
Overheard by: 66
Categories: Default | Public Transportation | Questions | Teens | Virginity | Weirdos of Winnipeg | Posted 2008-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Pretend to Turn It Off
Flight attendant: Please ensure that your mobile phone is switched off for take-off. If you don't know how to turn your phone off, there are plenty of kids on this flight who do.
Adelaide Airport
Australia
Categories: Age and ageing | Airports & flights | Australia | Cell phones | Compare and contrast | Default | Flight attendants | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Fact, He's Delicious
Captain on intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, just wanted to let you know the reason this flight was delayed. The plane collided with a bird upon landing. It's no big deal; it just hit a body part. The bird is okay.
Airport
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ladle (who is skeptical about the well-being of the bird)
Categories: Airports & flights | Birds | Default | Pennsylvania | Pilots | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What Thongs Are Supposed to Feel Like, Billy
Five-year-old boy, loudly interrupting adults: I have a wedgie!
(adults laugh)
Five-year-old boy: This wedgie train is carrying wedgies!
Green Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Undies | Posted 2008-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That the Title of a Kanye West Song?
Man in mall: Excuse me, where can I hail a taxi?
Mall employee: This is Vermont, dude.
Man in mall: There has to be taxis. There are roads, aren't they?
Mall employee: Nope, no taxis. But lots of guns.
Rutland, Vermont
Overheard by: MeggerzDotCom
Categories: Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Malls | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Questions | US Geography | Vermont | Violence | Posted 2008-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Relax-- That Just Means It Likes You
(strange loud sound comes from the plane)
Calm but confused flight attendant: That's weird, I've never heard that before.
Freaked out passenger: Um, excuse me? What?!
Flight to Cancun, Mexico
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Flight attendants | North America | Public Transportation | Questions | Strangers | Posted 2008-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unfortunately My Trail Of Breadcrumbs Is Hard to See in the Snow
Pilot over PA, after taxiing to the gate for ten minutes: Let me know if you guys see something that looks like an airport.
Denver International Airport
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: they're not kidding about being the country's biggest airport
Categories: Airports & flights | Colorado | Default | Offers and requests | Pilots | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Worse Comes to Worse, We've Rented Some Large Ducks
Airline personnel: We should be boarding the plane at 10:25... If we have a plane.
Airport
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Burt
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Employees | Public Transportation | Time Management | Virginia | Wishes | Posted 2008-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Odds Are You Still Aren't Paying Attention
Flight attendant, concluding pre-flight safety spiel: For those of you who paid attention: Thank you. And for those of you who did not: Good luck.
International Airport
Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Eric Dean
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Euphemisms | Hawaii | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gambling, on the Other Hand...
Conductor: Next and final stop: Atlantic City, folks!
(several passengers give confused and bewildered looks)
Conductor: Yeah, I changed my mind. I don't like Trenton.
Trenton, New Jersey
Overheard by: passenger
Categories: Conductors | Default | New Jersey | Public Transportation | US Geography | Posted 2008-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Better Have to Swim Through Her Blood When We Disembark
Metro announcement: The Red Line is experiencing delays due to a sick customer at Farragut North... Trains will share tracks at Gallery Place and Metro Center.
Man on metro: How sick was this customer?
Woman on metro: She better be dead, I'll tell you that.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: jposkin
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Guys | Maladies | Public Transportation | Strangers | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Don't, May God Have Mercy on Your Souls
(the road is closed for Chinese New Year parade)
Bus driver: Folks, we'll be alright. We're going to take a right on Sansome, a left on Broadway, and a left on Stockton. We'll rejoin the original route at Stockton and Sacramento. Don't worry. Everything will be alright. As long as I still get paid, it's okay.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Bus | Default | Feelings | Jobs & Careers | Money | Public Transportation | San Francisco | Threats | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Their Lips Say "Shut Up" But Their Eyes Say "Play On!"
Young woman, after graphic conversation about sex and drugs: Do you ever think, while we're talking: "Wow, the people on the train are so lucky to get to listen to us on their morning commute!"?
Older woman: Oh my god, all the time.
Train
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: catherine
Categories: Australia | Compliments | Default | Old folks | Pride | Public Transportation | Questions | Train | Women | Posted 2008-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Smart Travelers Postpone That Recognition As Long As Possible
Pilot over loudspeaker: It's 40 degrees outside and sunny, and we will be landing shortly. Welcome to... Where are we? Oh. Philadelphia! Welcome to Philadelphia!
Flight over Pennsylvania
Overheard by: And he's flying this plane?
Categories: Default | Names | Pennsylvania | Pilots | Plane | Public Transportation | Questions | US Geography | Weather | Posted 2008-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus Was to Vex Mary His Entire Life
Mother, exiting trolley, to her son: Okay, come on, there's people behind us.
Son: I want to say goodbye!
Mother: Oh, god.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Education | Etiquette | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Train | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Mom Can Dream, Can't She?
Angry mother on the bus: Come here and sit down!
Four-year-old: No, it's okay. I'm being good.
Angry mother: This bus is going to stop suddenly and you're going to fall down and crack your head open on one of the bars, and before the bus gets back around to the hospital you will bleed to death!
Pullman, Washington
Overheard by: jeff
Categories: Advice | Bus | Death & dying | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Threats | Violence | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Soon As We Get On, I'm Grabbing a Pole and Ripping Them Off
Chick: Well, my mom wouldn't let me on the train until I wore pants, so there ya go.
Southmoor station
Aurora, Colorado
Categories: Bimbettes | Chicks | Clothes | Colorado | Family ties | Gender issues | Gripes | Public Transportation | Teens | Posted 2008-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Try Not to Taste or Touch Them, Okay?
Automated train station announcement: Castro street station.
Excited little girl: Yay! Castro!
Bystander: The dictator or the district?
Excited little girl thinks for a second: The rainbows!
Castro Street Station
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Dawn
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Kids | Names | Politics | Public Transportation | San Francisco | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mango: Nobody Touch Me!
Lady on PA system: United 119 passengers can claim their baggage at carousel D... D as in delicious. Delicious mango. Delicious, delicious mangoes.
Logan International Airport
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: John Y
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Fruit | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2008-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Yell "Let's Go, Yankees" Instead
Conductor: The worst thing that you can do in an emergency is to pull the emergency cord. Never pull the emergency cord if it is an emergency!
Boston subway
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: daily commuter
Categories: Advice | Conductors | Default | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Rosa Parks Was Calling Out, "C'mon Back!"
Woman on cell: Bitch, I'm on the train. No, I ain't ridin' the bus! Have you seen the buses in this city?! Girl I wouldn't get on the bus if fucking Harriet Tubman herself was waving a damn flashlight telling me, 'All clear'!
On the Red Line
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Gripes | Illinois | On the phone | Public Transportation | Women | Posted 2008-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Embrace Your Degradation
Ticket collector: The bus is now here. Anyone going to Camden, Malden, or Newark, please step forward.
Custodian: Come on, step forward. You don't gotta be embarrassed if you're going to Newark.
Greyhound Station
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Advice | Blue collar | Default | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
