Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

Especially with This Little Pink Bow

Three-year-old boy to grandfather: Do you have a penis?
Grandfather: Yes, I do.
Boy: I have a penis, too. My penis is small. My penis is cute.

Cincinnati, Ohio

Overheard by: Vejewsbian

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The Professor Appreciated the Eight-Sided Paper

Excited student: I got a B+ on my Nietzsche paper!
Friend: The one based on a Dungeons & Dragons joke?

Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado

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Olive Oyl's Been Dating Popeye for a Long Time

Hipster chick: I am who I am and that's what I like about me, but it keeps getting me into these shitty situations.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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Their Lips Say "Shut Up" But Their Eyes Say "Play On!"

Young woman, after graphic conversation about sex and drugs: Do you ever think, while we're talking: "Wow, the people on the train are so lucky to get to listen to us on their morning commute!"?
Older woman: Oh my god, all the time.

Train
Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: catherine

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Plus We'd Have to Be Open and Honest About Our Feelings

White mother to teen daughters after black family walks by: I'm so glad you two aren't black! Then I'd have to put all those little beads in your hair and--well I'm just really glad.

Versailles, Kentucky

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Dude, You Suck at the Dozens

Young thug #1: Your momma is a rat.
Young thug #2: At least she isn't a hood rat like your momma.
Young thug #1: Well at least everyone who is with my momma has a good time. I should know, I hear it.

Galleria
White Plains, New York

Overheard by: annoying blonde girl

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The Day James Stopped Doing Positive Affirmations

20-something guy: My testicles are perfect!
Friends: [Silence.]
50-something lady walking past: [Snicker.]

Cork
Ireland

Overheard by: sarah

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Those Poopyheads Have Already Exhausted Their Five Minutes of Fame

College girl: There, I've belittled and insulted The View without using the word "bitch" or the c-word.

Student Center, Montclair State University
New Jersey

Overheard by: ...and that itself is a feat

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You Have to Earn the Right to Stay in Paradise, Pal

Guido: Dude, I think your girlfriend is going to dump you. You fell off your chair inside and you punched me in the ribs twice when I got up to go to the bathroom.
Drunk Guido: No, she can't dump me. She lets me put it in her ass!

Outside Restuarant
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Lauren

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I Appreciate Your Candor

Teenage thug to passing woman: Hey yo baby! I ain't gonna lie, I got a big dick!

Hollywood and Highland
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Has that ever worked?

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Canadian Ice Cream Is Not for the Faint of Heart

Guy: So yeah, our ice cream is good. It's not made out of cat.

Ontario
Canadia

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To Recap: I Rock, You Suck for Money, I Get Laid for Free

Ex-husband: I can't believe you brought a date to our divorce hearing.
Ex-wife: Fuck you! You hooked up with a girl in court.
Ex-husband: I didn't "hook-up" with her, we made plans for lunch today.
Ex-wife: And that's better?
Ex-husband: Actually, it's quite impressive. I rock, you suck, I'm getting laid tonight.
Ex-wife: I got laid last night.
Ex-husband: That's because you are a dirty hooker.

San Diego Family Court
San Diego, California

Overheard by: Sean

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Dad's the Best Gas-Release Coach in the Midwest

Little girl: I farted!
Dad, indifferent: Stop farting.
Little girl: I farted on the dog!
Dad, still indifferent: Continue farting.

Glendale Heights, Illinois

Overheard by: rbmmom

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Non-Fucking Whorehouses Are Pretty Much Libraries

Female professor: I may not be the best literary critic of the century, but I know when I'm in a fucking whorehouse.

Combs Hall
Fredericksburg, Virginia

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Projecting onto My Kids Seems to Help

Honest soccer mom: I'm really trying to get into the whole body-acceptance thing, but I just can't get past how disgusting it is.

Westchester County, New York

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When I Think about You, I Smell Myself

Dirty hippy skater dude: Oh man! I can smell myself.
Dirty hippy skater girl: I love it when I can smell myself!

Golden Gate Park
San Francisco, California

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Of Course My Anal Probes Are Constantly Interrupted by Ads

Freak in furry pants and top hat, to fellow freak: You're the friendster of alien abduction services, and I'm the myspace: You did it first, but I did it better.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: LeeKelly

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One of the Perks of Dating Helen Keller

Smug TA: While I was with her I was doing crack. She had no idea.

Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado

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In L.A., Teenage Girls Who Don't Look Good Naked Are Put to Death

Teen girl #1, looking at hot teen guy's myspace page: He likes me.
Teen girl #2: No, he doesn't.
Teen girl #1: Yes, he does. He told me I'd look good naked.
Teen girl #2: Well, that's just a fact. It doesn't mean he likes you.

Los Angeles, California

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As I Have Noticed Your Lack of Training Wheels

Drunk girl in bar to bartender: You should be so lucky as to have sex with me.
Bartender: I wouldn't fuck you for practice.

Richmond, Virginia

Overheard by: warm ups?

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Using a Venus Razor Does Not Make You a Goddess, Ms. Pratt

English teacher: It's a big responsibility to be a goddess, it troubles me all the time.

A.C. Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina

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Does Your Violin Bow Double As a Crowbar?

Asian boy trying to open locked door: Man, how am I supposed to open this with my super Asian powers?!

Townview Magnet Center
Dallas, Texas

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At Least He's Stopped Talking About His Turds.

Bitter guy: Girls don't care about men, so I can't relate to them. And men only care about sports, food, video games, and women. I do like to eat, but I hate women. I don't like sports at all, and I'm soooo good at video games that other people can't play with me because I am just too awesome.
Girl sitting at the table with him: Yeah...

University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts

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Mom's Been Forcing Her to Watch Seventh Heaven, to No Avail

Goth girl: I'm so proud of my sister. The rest of her classmates are doing their final projects on chihuahuas and stuff like that. My sister? Serial killers.
Friend: Dude, you're turning her into a you.
Goth girl: I know! My mom is so pissed at me.

Highlands Ranch, Colorado

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Whatever You Say, Latonya

Woman in line to another: Yeah, my brother's birthday is tomorrow. He's Aryan.

Wal-Mart
Tracy, California

Overheard by: Jeff

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It Didn't Work Out

Worried junior: Oh my god, Betty, we are totally not sitting in the loser section today. Today we are going to be cool.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: inthecoolsection

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Yeah? Depends.

Hubby to wifey: No power on earth will make me wear a diaper.

Shout-out: nimbleit.21publish.com

Overheard by: Jessie

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