Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics | Pop culture

That Guy Is Always Purple Raining on Our Parade.

Museum employee: I'm from Minnesota, originally.
Guy: I lived in Minnesota for a while, a long time back. Nice place, but there was way too much of that one guy. You know, that guy? The little guy? With "purple ..."?
Museum employee: ...Prince?
Guy: Yeah, that's the one.

Art Museum
Denver, Colorado

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...I'd Prefer Not to Be Thought Of As a Person.

Bad egg in sweater-vest: Gandhi was a Marlboro man, not Newport.
Friend in tight polo: You're the worst sort of person.
Bad egg in sweater-vest: That hurts.

New Haven, Connecticut

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At Least We Have the Alt-world Version

Girl #1: I was so disappointed when I found out Neil Patrick Harris is gay!
Girl #2: I know, right?
Girl #1: It's such a loss for womankind!
Girl #2: Men don't deserve him!

Women's Dressing Room
Western Michigan University

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A Nun Wouldn't Marry Some Prick, Honey

Little girl, pointing to picture of Jesus on card: Who's that?
Babysitter: Well, that's Jesus.
Little girl: Oh... He looks like a nice guy.

Bellevue, Washington

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Didn't He Die?

Loud, livid woman barging through the crowd, completely serious: Move it! Get out of my way, I have to make pizza for Patrick Swayze!

Farmers Market
Culver City, California

Overheard by: Anon Y. Mouse

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But With Slightly Less Dancing

Woman to girl: What exactly is a zombie? My son wants to know. Is it like a ghost?
Girl: A zombie is the living dead. A ghost is just a spirit, while a zombie is the dead body.
Woman: Like Michael Jackson?
Girl: Yes, like Michael Jackson.

Yarmouth, Maine

Overheard by: Jade

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I Can't Believe the Army Rejected Me

Guy #1: Hey, did you ever watch Paris Hilton's sex tape?
Guy #2: Yeah, it wasn't a turn-on though, she's in pain. Man, I couldn't wank to that.
Guy #1: Yeah, it'd be like wanking to a rape video.
Guy #3: I'd wank to that.

Glasgow
Scotland

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They Need To-- Ever Seen a White Baby?

Asian kid: We don't do a lot of jumping around.
Black kid: Except in the wars, when Chuck Norris has lots of babies.
Asian kid: And white people are marrying everyone.

Babson College
Wellesley, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Bruce

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The Character Was So Lifelike

Older lady: Heath Ledger was The Joker? Boy, I never would have guessed that!

Movie Theater
Champaign-Urbana, Illinois

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...But My Second Wish Would Be for World Peace.

Man in Mötley Crüe t-shirt to little girl: But yeah, I think I'd bring Kurt Cobain back for a day just for the fun of it.

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

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Casting Agents Get More Like Pimps Every Day

Girl on cell: Look, fine, then if you don't want Lucy Liu I'll hook you up with her sister. Then you can have two for one!

Film Class
Queen's University
Canadia

Overheard by: Umm can I get in on that?

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We Also Would Have Accepted "Cuban"

Teen girl: What that thing that Frank Sinatra was? It starts with a "k"?
Teen friend: A "crooner"?
Girl: Yeah, that's it. A crooner.

Starbucks
Ontario
Canadia

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...Would You Like to Go Out With Us This Friday?

Freshman boy trying to flirt with girl: I'm from Boston and he's from Boston and he's Chinese and he likes Bruce Lee, naked, naked, naked. (pokes Chinese friend)

University Library
Binghamton, New York

Overheard by: Brianna

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Like Fat Elvis!

Grandmother to little boy: Elvis! Come here, we're going. (to store person) His mother was a big Elvis fan, so now he's a little Elvis.
Little boy: I have hair on my back!

Brisbane
Australia

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Isn't a Large Mouth Something You Look for in a Girl?

Guy #1: Dude, don't get me wrong--Laura* is great, but she's kind of...
Guy #2: Young?
Guy #1: Yeah, but also...
Guy #2: Goofy?
Guy #1: Yeah, but also...
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: She's kind of... She looks like Mick Jagger.
Guy #2: Oh, if you're trying to tell me she's unattractive, I know. But at least she won't cheat on me. (pauses, then laughs) Yeah, she does look like Mick Jagger! Good one!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: wow, that's harsh

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Now If Only She Could Find the U.S. on a Map

Old man, about Jessica Simpson "how I found love again" mag cover: She can't find someone to lighten her roots, but she found love. Thank god.

Mamaroneck, New York

Overheard by: Melissa

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...In My Expert Psychiatric Opinion.

Girl: And it's not like Jeffery Dahmer crazy, it's like Mel Gibson crazy.

Coffee Shop
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Asteria

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She Also Wear Che Guevara T-Shirts and Thinks It's Bob Marley

Old lady to emo girl: Al Gore is really saving the earth.
Emo girl wearing bag that says "go green": Wait... Who's Al Gore?

Ketchikan, Alaska

Overheard by: Claire

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It's Time to Play How Long 'Til His Head Explodes!

French metrosexual, holding up iPhone: It's from Madame Butterfly. You know it?
French bike cop: Yeah, I saw the American movie of it. With that one homosexual actor. Robbie... Robin...
British dinner guest: Robbie Williams?
American dinner guest: Robin Williams? Wait, he's not gay...
French bike cop: Yes. Him.
British dinner guest: That was Mrs Doubtfire.
American dinner guest: It's called Papillon in the US.
French metrosexual: What?

France

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Playing Boggle Again?

Gay goth kid: Diana Ross, what are you doing in my mouth?

Dunkin Donuts
Worcester, Massachusetts

Overheard by: hootinanny

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But with a Better Sense Of Meter.

Student: I think that Eminem is like a modern-day Hamlet, you know?

Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia

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And You Often Get Out Of Limos with No Underwear on

Guy #1: I think you'd make a great Paris Hilton.
Guy #2: I do have a very womanly figure.
Guy #1: And you're a whore.

Chicago, Illinois

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And a That's So Raven Thermos!

Mom to preteen son: If you don't straighten up your act, I'm sending you back to school with all Hannah Montana notebooks!

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: that'll teach him

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Is He on First?

Girl #1: You know every time I see Tyler Perry I think about the white Tyler Perry.
Girl #2: That's Steven Perry from Aerosmith.
Girl #3: That's Steven Tyler.
Girl #1: Well, I'm talking about the Tyler Perry from Friends.
Girl #4: That's Mathew Perry!

Cancun
Mexico

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...As the Queen Said at Her Eulogy.

Teenage boy, about princess Diana: Dude, she was like Mother Teresa, just with better tits!

Palm Harbor
Florida

Overheard by: Jedtheavenger

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Which Is Ironic, Since I'm Only Thirteen.

Girl: I would fuck the diction out of Chris Hansen.

New Hampshire

Overheard by: Amanda

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Every Educated American Should See Bringing Up Baby

Girl #1: Oh my god! You sounded so much like Katharine Hepburn just then!
Girl #2: I sounded like who?
Girl #1: Well, never mind, you stopped doing it. Bitch.

Couch Dorm
University of Oklahoma

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Her Weight Gain Cowed the Electorate Into Submission

Mom to five-year-old: I don't like Oprah Winfrey, because it's her fault Obama is President.

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: David Leech

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She'd Kill to Have Christopher Walken's Hair

Girl #1: You mean like Christopher Walken?
Girl #2: I think he's going to be on Glee next week, I mean it did look like him.
Girl #1: Oh, don't get my hopes up!
Girl #2: Oh, never mind, it's going to be Julie Andrews.

Escondido, California

Overheard by: Brit-ta-nee

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But This New Biography Proves Me Wrong!

Freshman boy: I don't think Helen Keller was too concerned about dick.

High School
Colorado

Overheard by: clur

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Like Amniotic Fluid, Cigarette Smoke, and Misspent Youth.

Girl: Everything I touch smells like Britney Spears, but in a bad way.

Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

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Mr. Miyagi Taught Him How, in the First Movie.

Student: What would Elvis say?
Professor: What would Plato say?
Student: What would Butler say?
Campbell: What would Foucault say?
Girl in back row: All I know is he broke a table.

University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia

Overheard by: elvis eavesdropper

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That's Not Quite a Haiku, Eric.

Guy: My favorite thing about Halle Berry is her vagina.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Shlange

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So Do We.

20-something girl on cell: I had the malpractice ball this last weekend. It was in the Weisman Museum... kind of lame, not a lot of space. (pause) But I didn't bring a flask this year, so it was a little conservative, definitely a limited amount of alcohol. (pause) Are you going home for Passover? (pause) Oh my, are you converting? (pause) Yeah, I want to know what this whole Jerry Springer photo thing is all about.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: burrhead

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What-- Too Soon?

Teenage daughter: I had some caffeine pretty late tonight, so I'm gonna take an extra 50 milligrams of Seroquel.
Mother: I'll be sure to call Mary-Kate if anything bad happens.

Highlands Ranch, Colorado

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Men Are Easily Distracted

Man: You know the black guy from Transformers? You know who I'm talking about?
Woman: Megan Fox?
Man: Yeah.

Holland, Michigan

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So "Boy" Is Ironic?

20-something woman to little girl's mother: Do you know who is Boy George?
Little girl: He is a boy that would've wanted to be a woman.
Amused mother: I couldn't have explained that better.

Guadalajara
Mexico

Overheard by: passerby

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I'm Not Sure Purell Addiction Is Quite the Same Thing

40-something guy: Dr. Phil man, he showed up for Britney, maybe he'll show up for me.

Airport Baggage Claim
Newark, New Jersey

Overheard by: Sarah

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Notice: This Quote Not Endorsed by Morgan Freeman

Blonde: Um, no, actually, a penguin is a mammal. I learned that from Morgan Freeman.

Halifax
Canadia

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But Not Nearly As Cocky

Hipster, looking at Dr J mural: Man, he must have a three-foot dick. I bet his dick is as big as Allen Iverson.

Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com

Overheard by: anonymous

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In That He's Unavailable to Me

Stoned #20-something: If you could have sex with any fictional character, who would it be?
Drunk #20-something: Christopher Walken.
Stoned #20-something: He's not fictional.
(pause)
Drunk #20-something: He might as well be!

Louisville, Kentucky

Overheard by: Jessica

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Why Sherry Got Fired from Her Movie Critic Gig

Girl watching Christian Bale in The Dark Knight: If I had a cock I'd so fuck him in the mouth.

Racine, Wisconsin

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And Will, Too, At The Drop Of a Hat

Seven-year-old boy: Jonas Brothers! The Jonas Brothers can suck my ass!

Borders
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Amy D

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...Just Eat More Popcorn and You'll Be Fine

Guy #1: Dude, I wonder how Orville Redenbacher is still in all those commercials when he's been dead for, like, a bazillion years?
Guy #2: Maybe he's a zombie.
Guy #1: Or a robot.
Guy #3: Or a zombie robot.
Guy #1: Seriously, dude. I think you've been reading too much sci-fi.

Bellingham, Washington

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What You Get for Going to Film School in Kansas

Film GTA: Will Farrell is the Groucho Marx of our generation.
Student: (nods wearily)
Film GTA: I mean, Talladega Nights was absolute genius!

University of Kansas
Lawrence, Kansas

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With a Cardboard Cut-Out Of Him, Anyway

Girl: So all these old football guys showed up...and long story short, she ended up making out. With Terry Bradshaw.

Joe's Place
Iowa City, Iowa

Overheard by: devon

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Aren't You Wendy from Season One?

Barista #1: Yeah, Joey does a great Tim Gunn impression. You should ask him to do it for you.
Barista #2: I will. So you really like Project Runway?
Barista #1: Oh my god, yes! Like, I should totally be on that show.
Barista #2: Yeah? Do you do fashion design?
Barista #1: Well, no. But I dress myself really well. And I have really good ideas. But I can't really sew or anything.

Starbucks
Fairborn, Ohio

Overheard by: Barista #3

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That's Only 'Cause You Can't Hear Her

Annoying teen #1, looking at trashy magazine: She's cute.
Annoying teen #2: That's Jessica Simpson.
Annoying teen #1: Well, she looks good red-headed and with her mouth open.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Giggling quietly in the pharmacy sectino

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What Kind Of a Boy Gives Hugs, Anyway?

Man to son, coming out of restroom: After what you tried to do to Tigger I'm not sure if you deserve that.

Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Tracy

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Correct-- Yet You Still Manage to Sound Stupid.

Princess: You guys, Johnny Depp doesn't always play dark characters. He was blonde in Secret Window!

Little Bar
Kentucky

Overheard by: Dead Betty

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Fucking Paperwork

20-something client: How do you spell "Matthew?"
Confused staff: Matthew? As in a person's name? Like "Matthew Perry" Matthew?
20-something: Yeah, it's my middle name and I want to put it on my resume. Does it have two t's or one?

Unemployment Centre
Ontario
Canadia

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If You're Gonna Fantasize, Go Big or Stay Home

Hot black chick: I don't know why you're so surprised... It's the same way I'd nail Lucy Liu and alt-world Neil Patrick Harris.
Nerdy friend: Alt-world Neil Patrick Harris?
Hot black chick: You know, where he's straight and really into black chicks.
Nerdy friend: Baffling.

New Haven, Connecticut

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At Least 30% Of Him Is, Anyway.

Five-year-old: Is Michael Jackson real?
Teenage sister, exasperatedly: Yes! How many times do we have to have this conversation?!

Margate, New Jersey

Overheard by: Chris S.

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That's What You Said About Barry Manilow!

American Apparel-wearing teen: I bet if the Jonas Brothers were indie, you'd totally dig them. Like same music, just less known.

Toronto
Canadia

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Well I Certainly Hope So

Film student: Brittney spears is going to kill herself one day.
Film professor: Well, I see her more like a Liz Taylor, slowly bloating up and taking a long time to die.

Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canadia

Overheard by: Sean_G

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Alice, I Think We Should See Other People for a While

Woman #1: He looks like Leonardo DiCaprio.
Woman #2: Niiiice. Wait, hot Leonardo from The Departed or crazy Leonardo from The Aviator?
Woman #1: Uhhh.
Woman #2: Or the mental kid from Gilbert Grape? Or Leonardo from Titanic? Ha, this is fun!
Woman #1: Actually, he looks more like Matt Damon.

Auckland
New Zealand

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Hope You Bitches Saved Me Some Weed

Mom: Why is the tv on with the mute on?
Daughter #1: Cause of the pretty moving pictures!
Daughter #2: Yeah! It's like an aquarium, but with Tom Hanks.

Upper Hutt
New Zealand

Overheard by: Kat

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Oh, the Horror. The Horror!

Dudely dude: You know Heart of Darkness, by Marlon Brando...

Ithaca College
Ithaca, New York

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It All Started When I Tried to Separate the Laundry...

Preppy teenage girl #1, before Sex and the City movie: Oh! I heard that Jennifer Hewitt is in this movie!
Preppy teenage girl #2: No, it's Jennifer Hudson.
Preppy teenage girl #1: Whats the difference?
Preppy teenage girl #2: Jennifer Hewitt is the white actress who made a CD and can't sing and was in the Garfield movie. Jennifer Hudson is the black girl from American Idol who won an Oscar for that movie with Beyonce.
Preppy teenage girl #1: Are either one of them singing in this movie?
Preppy teenage girl #2: I don't know.
(long pause)
Preppy teenage girl #3: Speaking of black people, I got in trouble for being racist at work today.

Plano, Texas

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Never Stopped Tupac from Making Money

Teen girl #1: Are you going to see that movie about Kurt Cobain? The actor that plays him is supposed to be good!
Teen girl #2: Why would they make a movie about him if someone else was playing him? Can't they just wait until he dies and then make one?
Teen girl #1: He is dead.

Los Angeles, California

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I May Have Fugeed Myself

Excited hipster guy on cell: Dude, you just missed Wyclef Jean! He was fucking awesome! He dry-humped me and everything!

Voodoo Music Fest
New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: Eliza

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Sugar Bear Is Next

Serious philosophy teacher: Captain Crunch has been raped.

High School
Bethesda, Maryland

Overheard by: clementine

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So You'd Just Have to Be Careful About Static Shock

Pretty girl: So, do you like anyone right now?
Serious guy: Eva Mendes, but she lives far away.
Pretty girl: She's hairy.
Serious guy: Yeah, I kinda noticed that.
Pretty girl (in acknowledgment): Yeah.
Serious guy (in agreement): Yeah.

El Paso, Texas

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Exactly Who Hollywood Would Cast

Woman #1: I've always wanted to go to London.
Woman #2: I've never really wanted to fly overseas, but one place I would like to go is Venice.
Woman #1: Venice? Really?
Woman #2: Yeah. But I'd like to have a nice Italian man to go with me, like Antonio Banderas.

Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania

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Thank Goodness I Had That Removed

Professor: So a nasal quality of voice would be--you all know who Fran Drescher is, right?
Emo kid: She hurts my soul.

Memorial University, St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia

Overheard by: Mel

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According to a Priest and a Rabbi I Met in a Bar Once

Goth girl wearing blue beehive wig: So Morgan Freeman, a college professor, and a hot guy walk into a ska club.
Friend: And?
Goth girl: Oh, there's no punchline, that actually happened.

Denver, Colorado

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When God Closes a Tomb, He Opens the Doors

Lunching law firm girl #1: Oh god, when it comes to my track record... Seriously, I've dated two vampires and a guy who thought he was Jim Morrison reincarnated.
Lunching law firm girl #2: That's ridiculous. (pause) My junior year high school English teacher was Jim Morrison reincarnated. God!

Quizno's
Tucson, Arizona

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You Promised We'd Watch Action Movies and Fuck Me in the Butt Tonight

Yuppie boyfriend (excitedly): Let's have an Ashton Kutcher movie marathon night!
Yuppie girlfriend (whispering): Honey, we've already talked about this...

Blockbuster
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Pallas

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Which Also Influences My Sleep Patterns and the Santa Ana Winds

Male student: I feel that this case may have been influenced by the fact that...well, people just hate Michael Bolton.

Seton Hall Law School
South Orange, New Jersey

Overheard by: he's got a point

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She Has to Pee Sometime While She's in There Looking for Her Career

College girl: If anyone ever tried to tell me not to pee outside, I'd take it straight to the Supreme Court! I mean, I'm not gonna pee in someone's face or on a baby or anything, but if I wanna pee in a dumpster, then I will! (pause) Rosie O'Donnell would be with me on this. I don't know why, but she would.

East Lansing
Michigan

Overheard by: Everyone should have a cause...

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...Is What I'll Be Saying About Winston Churchill in My Report

Random guy: He's like a cross between Michael Jackson and a Swiss Army knife.

University
England

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NewsFlash: Cultural References from 1998 Finally Reach Missouri

Flight attendant: Fasten your seatbelt low and tight around your waist, like Britney Spears' pants.

Airplane
St. Louis, Missouri

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Whoever Cares the Least Wins the Fight

Woman (sarcastically): I'm sorry, I'm such a bitch.
Man: Hmm...
Woman: You think I'm a bitch, don't you?
Man: I didn't say that.
Woman: You didn't disagree with me.
Man: You know yourself better than I do.
Woman: I can't believe you called me a bitch.
Man: I didn't call you a bitch, you called yourself a bitch.
Woman: But you didn't tell me I'm not a bitch.
Man: Because you're acting like a bitch.
Woman: See? You think I'm a bitch!
Man: I said you were acting like a bitch.
Woman: Whats the difference?
Man: Dustin Hoffman acted like a retard, but it doesn't mean he is one.
Woman: I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but you're a dick for thinking I'm a bitch.
Man: Do you mean I'm acting like a dick or I am a dick?
Woman: Fuck you! (storms out)
Man: Too easy. Caramel Macchiato please!

Starbucks
Westminster, Colorado

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I've Been Roaming the Earth for Years Waiting for Someone to Give Me That Answer

Man to random cute chick: When's your birthday?
Cute chick: Um, September 27th.
Man: That's Ani DiFranco's birthday!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: McNasty

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...Shaking Hands with Martin Luther King

College student #1: Look, look, it's Martin Luther King!
College student #2: ...that's Eddie Murphy.

Madame Tussaud's
Las Vegas, Nevada

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The Oft-Forgotten Second Lyric to "Do You Hear What I Hear?"

Drunk girl: I hear Michael Caine peeing!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

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So Get Out Your Helmets

Little girl in changing stall: I feel a Britney Spears moment coming on!

Salvation Army
Hadley, Massachusetts

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...After Those Pictures Surface of Him in the Cone-Bra

Middle-aged Jewish lady with thick Queens accent flipping through People magazine: So, what do you think about this whole thing with Madonna?
90-year-old man sitting next to her: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna.
Man: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna.
Man: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna!
Man: Oh! The colored guy! Yeah, I don't think he'll win.

Jetblue Flight
Florida to New York

Overheard by: JoeQ

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A Plague on Both Their Home Courts!

Chick #1: Mike Dunleavy went to a Catholic school, and Troy Murphy went to a Jesuit school.
Chick #2: They're star-crossed lovers! One is a Catholic, the other a Jesuit!

Pepsi Center
Denver, Colorado

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Simulated, Just the Way You Like It

Woman: ...and Scarlett Johansson is in it.
Husband: Really? Okay, let's go.
Woman (to ticket seller): Oh, now he'll watch it.
(they enter the theater)
Husband: And you said sex too, right?

Movie Theater
Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire

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And Kept Me Awake by Leading "Expeditions" Into My Sock Drawer

Girl #1: I found that doll the other day.
Girl #2: What doll?
Girl #1: The Steve Irwin doll, you know, the one that used to look at me creepy while I was sleeping.
Girl #2: Ohhhh, that doll!

Bleeker's Bowling Alley
Chicago, Illinois

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Which Is Virtually Indistinguishable from His Singing

Chick on cell: David Hasselhoff just brushed past me. Mooing.

Coachella Music Festival
Indio, California

Overheard by: Brokeass Harem

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Whereas Elizabeth Taylor Will Turn Into Delicious Pudding

Professor: One day you'll wake up an old weathered hag, unless you're Cher--she'll just turn to dust one day when the sun hits her.

McDaniel College
Maryland

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Why Gay Best Friends Were Invented

[Two 20-something guys are staring at Colleen Moore's ornate fairy castle dollhouse.]
Guy #1: Oh, man.
Guy #2: No man on earth could have ever kept this woman happy.

Museum of Science and Industry
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Joan

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Was It a Big Bang?

Guy, crying: Ahhh! I just had sex with Stephen Hawking right up here, in my head!

Starbucks
Biloxi, Mississippi

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And You Could Actually Sing

Guy to girl: You know, Mandy Moore made a bad decision going brunette. Now she looks like you, if you were a crack whore.

Oberlin College
Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: emily

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Your Editors Fear This Conversation May Reduce Ms. Bilson to Tears

College girl #1: So did I tell you I'm going on a celibacy kick this semester? To cleanse myself.
College girl #2: Oh, really?
College girl #1, picking up GQ magazine with Rachel Bilson on the cover: Ugh, I've lost all respect for her. She's such a slut.

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Lindsay

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We Respect That You Didn't Take the Easy Route with "Robert Downey Jr."

Girl: "Pokemon Stadium," is just stupid. If the other Pokemon does some confusion attack, you just end up slapping yourself or some shit. No one gets so confused they hurt themselves!
Boy: Tell that to Danny Bonaduce.

Worcester, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Katie

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Or When Tyra Had the Realness of Her Breasts Verified

Girl #1: Tyra will never be as good as Oprah. The Tyra show just doesn't have the credibility that the Oprah show has.
Girl #2: Well, Tyra does serious shows sometimes; like when Hilary Duff is on.

Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama

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Ha Ha, Dude Watches Oprah!

Girl: My history teacher says women are more evolved than men.
Biology teacher: And what evidence does she base this on?
Guy: Oprah?

La Follette High
Madison, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Tangent

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And Don't Even Get Me Started on Bob Barker

Teenage daughter: You just know Chuck Woolery was banging every chick on Love Connection.
Mother: Not in front of the 12-year-olds!
Teenage daughter: I dunno, Chuck Woolery is a pretty sick son of a bitch.

Grocery Store Parking Lot
Littleton, Colorado

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Naturally, It's Huge

Young mom, looking disgusted at a paparazzi photo of Pamela Anderson: That's disgusting.
Four-year-old son: What?
Young mom: Honey, what's wrong with this picture?
Four-year-old son: I can see her penis.

Bowling Alley
Indiana

Overheard by: Aunt Oblivious

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Someone's Been Reading People at the Dentist's Office

Mom: Did you hear that Harry Lee died?
20-something daughter: Yea, and Sylvester Stallone came to the funeral, I thought that was odd.
Previously uninterested dad: Interesting fact about Sylvester Stallone- he has a penial implant.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

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I'd Like to Make a "Donation" to That Cause, If You Know What I Mean

Girl: So Natalie Portman is speaking tonight. I want to go.
Boy: What is it about?
Girl: Poverty, but who cares? It's Natalie Portman.
Boy: Yeah, fuck poverty, she's hot.

University
Berkeley, California

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Watch Her Do What, Exactly?

Man on cell: One needs to do two things: Read Tolstoy and watch Paris Hilton.

Shout-out: lefulelve.freeblog.hu

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I Catalog Them by Penis Size and Strange Bodily Features

Redhead: You seriously don't know where Bruce Willis was born?
Brunette: No.
Redhead: I can tell you where half the actors I'm in love with were born.
Brunette: Honey, I can't even tell you where half the men I've slept with were born.
Redhead: That's true.
Brunette: Hell, I'm lucky if I remember their last names.

Fredericksburg, Virginia

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To Fight Convention?

Tall goth girl to rotund, geeky friend: She's a fat black goth! Kinda like if you, me, and Bill Cosby joined forces.

Denver, Colorado

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Have the Last Name "Spears"

Four-year-old kid, pickig up magazine: Hey, Dad, it's Britney Spears!
Dad: No, that's Jamie Lynn, her sister.
Four-year-old kid: Ohhh, the pregnant one.
Dad: Yep.
Four-year-old kid: But she's not even an adult!
Dad: You don't have to be an adult to get pregnant.
Four-year-old kid: So then how do you get pregnant?! [Dad puts magazine back.]

Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: Cortny

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But We Should Probably Spread That Rumor Just in Case

Skinny white guy: Yep.
Goth girl: No way.
Skinny white guy: Yep.
Goth girl: No way. Too royal.
Skinny white guy: I'm serious.
Goth girl: No way. Princess Di was way too perfect to be giving someone head while they're driving.

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Nick K.

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We Challenge You to Come Up with a Better Description

Brunette hipster: Who's Mario Batali?
Blonde hipster: You know, that red-haired chef that looks like he'd smell like ass.
Brunette hipster: Oh, okay. Yeah. Totally.

Toi
Los Angeles, California

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Definitely the Low Point of Any Bon Jovi Concert

Chubby guy on cell: You know it's bad when Bon Jovi shows up.

Target
Westminster, Maryland

Overheard by: JoviFan4Life

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Go a Few Miles South and That's Punishable by Death

Child: Who's Elvis?
Mother, not paying attention: I don't know.
Concerned old lady nearby, to mother: You don't know who Elvis is, honey?

Cincinnati, Ohio

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Thanks for Telling Me What to Think Again

Girl reading TIME magazine: Do you think Michael Jackson looks kinda hot in this picture?
Friend: No, definitely not.
Girl, after a pause: Yeah, I don't either.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: bradlea

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He's Got to Be More Careful with His Fingering!

Dave Matthews Band groupie: Dude, the violinist totally screwed Dave up. He, like, totally blew his wad all over Dave's song!

Starwood Amphitheater merchandise stand
Nashville, Tennessee

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Might Be Better Just to Stalk Him

Girl #1: I wish I was sick and he would come visit me... Like Make-a-Wish.
Girl #2: You're saying you want cancer so Heath Ledger will come visit you?
Girl #1: No! ... Kinda...

Laguna Hills, California

Overheard by: me too

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So, Satan, I'll Be Heavyweight Champion, but I Have to Name All My Kids "George"?

Middle-aged woman to college-aged son: ... And that's when George Foreman had a choice.

Chicago Art Institute
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Kate

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That Wasn't Henry Winkler As the Head Ewok?

Girl watching end credits of Return of the Jedi: Where's Scott Baio?
Guy: What?
Girl: Scott Baio -- I don't see his name in the credits.
Guy: Scott Baio was not in Star Wars!
Girl: Yes, he was! He was celebrating at the end! The pilot!
Guy: Scott Baio is not Wedge Antilles!

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by:

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Just a Large-Mouthed Bass with the Ability to Keep a Tune

Teen girl #1: Steven Tyler is definitely in the Rolling Stones.
Teen girl #2: Girrrl, you crazy! Wasn't he in the Backstreet Boys?
Teen girl #1, after long pause: I don't even think there is anyone named Steven Tyler.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: steven tyler is definitely the frontman for AEROSMITH.

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That Was the Extra Credit on Your Math Test?

Hyper girl: Hey, I'm just really happy that I could identify Joe Pesci's forehead!

Tempe, Arizona

Overheard by: Mevans

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I'll Make You Forget That Elven Slut!

Mid-40s thrift store lady, to VHS of Hidalgo: Mmm, mmm -- Viggo Mortensen. Any time, any place, anywhere, any hole. You know it.

Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com

Overheard by: little bald bastard

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He Was a Sore Loser after the Electric Guitar Contest

Crazy: Satan killed Jimi Hendrix!

Outside El Macombo
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

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Shiny, Though

Girl #1: That Zodiac movie looks pretty good...
Girl #2: Of course! It has Jake Gyllenhaal in it. Everything he touches turns to gold.
Girl #1: Oh, I know!
Girl #2: Mmm, I'd like him to touch me.
Girl #1: But it would be so uncomfortable to be all gold down there.
Girl #2: [Silence.]
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: God, you're stupid

Shout-out: community.livejournal.com

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And Acquisitive

17-year-old boy: Geez, Angelina Jolie adopted another kid?
13-year-old boy: Why, how many does she have now?
17-year-old boy: I think, like, four.
13-year-old boy: Wow! She's fertile!

Alamogordo, New Mexico

Overheard by: DeeRock

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Then He Came Back As a Zombie

Kid #1: Michael Jackson? I think he died.
Kid #2: He died?
Kid #1: Yeah. He killed someone and then he died.
Kid #2: Oh, yeah, I remember.

Golden Corral
Tulsa, Oklahoma

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In My Father's Store, There Are Many Departments

Guy #1: Who's Ian Gillan?
Guy #2: You know, the guy in Deep Purple? He was also in Jesus Christ Superstore.

Long Beach

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Hey, You're Not a Rutgers Student! Get Off This Bus!

Genius #1, about Neil Armstrong: Wait, didn't he win the Tour de-- Oh, no, that was Lance Armstrong.
Genius #2: Wait, there are two of them? I thought the astronaut guy turned into the bike guy!

Rutgers bus
New Jersey

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Daniel Radcliffe: It Was Lipstick, Actually

Lady suit: I hate to say it, but Harry Potter's penis is small.
Hipster girl: What! Nooo!
Lady suit: No, really -- it is. He got an erection on stage... and it was just sad. But the weirdest part is that it was bright red, like they had put blush on it or something.
Hipster girl: What the fuck?! My dreams are ruined!

Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com

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Four Legs: Good. George Clooney's Acting: Baaad.

MBA guy: Did you see that George Clooney's pig died?
MBA gal: I'll be his pig if he wants. Oink, oink!

Shout-out: overheardatkmc.blogspot.com

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