Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics | Pop culture

And Kept Me Awake by Leading "Expeditions" Into My Sock Drawer

Girl #1: I found that doll the other day.
Girl #2: What doll?
Girl #1: The Steve Irwin doll, you know, the one that used to look at me creepy while I was sleeping.
Girl #2: Ohhhh, that doll!

Bleeker's Bowling Alley
Chicago, Illinois

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Which Is Virtually Indistinguishable from His Singing

Chick on cell: David Hasselhoff just brushed past me. Mooing.

Coachella Music Festival
Indio, California

Overheard by: Brokeass Harem

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Whereas Elizabeth Taylor Will Turn Into Delicious Pudding

Professor: One day you'll wake up an old weathered hag, unless you're Cher--she'll just turn to dust one day when the sun hits her.

McDaniel College
Maryland

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Why Gay Best Friends Were Invented

[Two 20-something guys are staring at Colleen Moore's ornate fairy castle dollhouse.]
Guy #1: Oh, man.
Guy #2: No man on earth could have ever kept this woman happy.

Museum of Science and Industry
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Joan

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Was It a Big Bang?

Guy, crying: Ahhh! I just had sex with Stephen Hawking right up here, in my head!

Starbucks
Biloxi, Mississippi

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And You Could Actually Sing

Guy to girl: You know, Mandy Moore made a bad decision going brunette. Now she looks like you, if you were a crack whore.

Oberlin College
Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: emily

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Your Editors Fear This Conversation May Reduce Ms. Bilson to Tears

College girl #1: So did I tell you I'm going on a celibacy kick this semester? To cleanse myself.
College girl #2: Oh, really?
College girl #1, picking up GQ magazine with Rachel Bilson on the cover: Ugh, I've lost all respect for her. She's such a slut.

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Lindsay

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We Respect That You Didn't Take the Easy Route with "Robert Downey Jr."

Girl: "Pokemon Stadium," is just stupid. If the other Pokemon does some confusion attack, you just end up slapping yourself or some shit. No one gets so confused they hurt themselves!
Boy: Tell that to Danny Bonaduce.

Worcester, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Katie

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Or When Tyra Had the Realness of Her Breasts Verified

Girl #1: Tyra will never be as good as Oprah. The Tyra show just doesn't have the credibility that the Oprah show has.
Girl #2: Well, Tyra does serious shows sometimes; like when Hilary Duff is on.

Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama

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Ha Ha, Dude Watches Oprah!

Girl: My history teacher says women are more evolved than men.
Biology teacher: And what evidence does she base this on?
Guy: Oprah?

La Follette High
Madison, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Tangent

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And Don't Even Get Me Started on Bob Barker

Teenage daughter: You just know Chuck Woolery was banging every chick on Love Connection.
Mother: Not in front of the 12-year-olds!
Teenage daughter: I dunno, Chuck Woolery is a pretty sick son of a bitch.

Grocery Store Parking Lot
Littleton, Colorado

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Naturally, It's Huge

Young mom, looking disgusted at a paparazzi photo of Pamela Anderson: That's disgusting.
Four-year-old son: What?
Young mom: Honey, what's wrong with this picture?
Four-year-old son: I can see her penis.

Bowling Alley
Indiana

Overheard by: Aunt Oblivious

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Someone's Been Reading People at the Dentist's Office

Mom: Did you hear that Harry Lee died?
20-something daughter: Yea, and Sylvester Stallone came to the funeral, I thought that was odd.
Previously uninterested dad: Interesting fact about Sylvester Stallone- he has a penial implant.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

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I'd Like to Make a "Donation" to That Cause, If You Know What I Mean

Girl: So Natalie Portman is speaking tonight. I want to go.
Boy: What is it about?
Girl: Poverty, but who cares? It's Natalie Portman.
Boy: Yeah, fuck poverty, she's hot.

University
Berkeley, California

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Watch Her Do What, Exactly?

Man on cell: One needs to do two things: Read Tolstoy and watch Paris Hilton.

Shout-out: lefulelve.freeblog.hu

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I Catalog Them by Penis Size and Strange Bodily Features

Redhead: You seriously don't know where Bruce Willis was born?
Brunette: No.
Redhead: I can tell you where half the actors I'm in love with were born.
Brunette: Honey, I can't even tell you where half the men I've slept with were born.
Redhead: That's true.
Brunette: Hell, I'm lucky if I remember their last names.

Fredericksburg, Virginia

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To Fight Convention?

Tall goth girl to rotund, geeky friend: She's a fat black goth! Kinda like if you, me, and Bill Cosby joined forces.

Denver, Colorado

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Have the Last Name "Spears"

Four-year-old kid, pickig up magazine: Hey, Dad, it's Britney Spears!
Dad: No, that's Jamie Lynn, her sister.
Four-year-old kid: Ohhh, the pregnant one.
Dad: Yep.
Four-year-old kid: But she's not even an adult!
Dad: You don't have to be an adult to get pregnant.
Four-year-old kid: So then how do you get pregnant?! [Dad puts magazine back.]

Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: Cortny

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But We Should Probably Spread That Rumor Just in Case

Skinny white guy: Yep.
Goth girl: No way.
Skinny white guy: Yep.
Goth girl: No way. Too royal.
Skinny white guy: I'm serious.
Goth girl: No way. Princess Di was way too perfect to be giving someone head while they're driving.

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Nick K.

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We Challenge You to Come Up with a Better Description

Brunette hipster: Who's Mario Batali?
Blonde hipster: You know, that red-haired chef that looks like he'd smell like ass.
Brunette hipster: Oh, okay. Yeah. Totally.

Toi
Los Angeles, California

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Definitely the Low Point of Any Bon Jovi Concert

Chubby guy on cell: You know it's bad when Bon Jovi shows up.

Target
Westminster, Maryland

Overheard by: JoviFan4Life

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Go a Few Miles South and That's Punishable by Death

Child: Who's Elvis?
Mother, not paying attention: I don't know.
Concerned old lady nearby, to mother: You don't know who Elvis is, honey?

Cincinnati, Ohio

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Thanks for Telling Me What to Think Again

Girl reading TIME magazine: Do you think Michael Jackson looks kinda hot in this picture?
Friend: No, definitely not.
Girl, after a pause: Yeah, I don't either.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: bradlea

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He's Got to Be More Careful with His Fingering!

Dave Matthews Band groupie: Dude, the violinist totally screwed Dave up. He, like, totally blew his wad all over Dave's song!

Starwood Amphitheater merchandise stand
Nashville, Tennessee

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Might Be Better Just to Stalk Him

Girl #1: I wish I was sick and he would come visit me... Like Make-a-Wish.
Girl #2: You're saying you want cancer so Heath Ledger will come visit you?
Girl #1: No! ... Kinda...

Laguna Hills, California

Overheard by: me too

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So, Satan, I'll Be Heavyweight Champion, but I Have to Name All My Kids "George"?

Middle-aged woman to college-aged son: ... And that's when George Foreman had a choice.

Chicago Art Institute
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Kate

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That Wasn't Henry Winkler As the Head Ewok?

Girl watching end credits of Return of the Jedi: Where's Scott Baio?
Guy: What?
Girl: Scott Baio -- I don't see his name in the credits.
Guy: Scott Baio was not in Star Wars!
Girl: Yes, he was! He was celebrating at the end! The pilot!
Guy: Scott Baio is not Wedge Antilles!

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by:

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Just a Large-Mouthed Bass with the Ability to Keep a Tune

Teen girl #1: Steven Tyler is definitely in the Rolling Stones.
Teen girl #2: Girrrl, you crazy! Wasn't he in the Backstreet Boys?
Teen girl #1, after long pause: I don't even think there is anyone named Steven Tyler.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: steven tyler is definitely the frontman for AEROSMITH.

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That Was the Extra Credit on Your Math Test?

Hyper girl: Hey, I'm just really happy that I could identify Joe Pesci's forehead!

Tempe, Arizona

Overheard by: Mevans

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I'll Make You Forget That Elven Slut!

Mid-40s thrift store lady, to VHS of Hidalgo: Mmm, mmm -- Viggo Mortensen. Any time, any place, anywhere, any hole. You know it.

Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com

Overheard by: little bald bastard

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He Was a Sore Loser after the Electric Guitar Contest

Crazy: Satan killed Jimi Hendrix!

Outside El Macombo
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

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Shiny, Though

Girl #1: That Zodiac movie looks pretty good...
Girl #2: Of course! It has Jake Gyllenhaal in it. Everything he touches turns to gold.
Girl #1: Oh, I know!
Girl #2: Mmm, I'd like him to touch me.
Girl #1: But it would be so uncomfortable to be all gold down there.
Girl #2: [Silence.]
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: God, you're stupid

Shout-out: community.livejournal.com

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And Acquisitive

17-year-old boy: Geez, Angelina Jolie adopted another kid?
13-year-old boy: Why, how many does she have now?
17-year-old boy: I think, like, four.
13-year-old boy: Wow! She's fertile!

Alamogordo, New Mexico

Overheard by: DeeRock

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Then He Came Back As a Zombie

Kid #1: Michael Jackson? I think he died.
Kid #2: He died?
Kid #1: Yeah. He killed someone and then he died.
Kid #2: Oh, yeah, I remember.

Golden Corral
Tulsa, Oklahoma

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In My Father's Store, There Are Many Departments

Guy #1: Who's Ian Gillan?
Guy #2: You know, the guy in Deep Purple? He was also in Jesus Christ Superstore.

Long Beach

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Hey, You're Not a Rutgers Student! Get Off This Bus!

Genius #1, about Neil Armstrong: Wait, didn't he win the Tour de-- Oh, no, that was Lance Armstrong.
Genius #2: Wait, there are two of them? I thought the astronaut guy turned into the bike guy!

Rutgers bus
New Jersey

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Daniel Radcliffe: It Was Lipstick, Actually

Lady suit: I hate to say it, but Harry Potter's penis is small.
Hipster girl: What! Nooo!
Lady suit: No, really -- it is. He got an erection on stage... and it was just sad. But the weirdest part is that it was bright red, like they had put blush on it or something.
Hipster girl: What the fuck?! My dreams are ruined!

Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com

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Four Legs: Good. George Clooney's Acting: Baaad.

MBA guy: Did you see that George Clooney's pig died?
MBA gal: I'll be his pig if he wants. Oink, oink!

Shout-out: overheardatkmc.blogspot.com

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