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Girl: I was watching this show the other night about large white British men who were sent to Africa to learn to hunt. It was called Fat Men Can't Hump. Wait! No! "Hunt"! It was called Fat Men Can't Hunt. Of course they can hump... If they want to.
Post-Colonial Literature Lecture
University of British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Martha Carscadden
Guy with empty bud light box on head: I look like Cap'n Crunch!
Marquette, Michigan
Female Brown student #1: That lab class is so stupid.
Female Brown student #2: Yeah. Harry Potter had the best labs.
Female Brown student #1, sighing: I wish this was Hogwarts.
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Sadie
Six-year-old, matter-of-factly when seeing fireworks go off at Magic Kingdom: They blew up Mickey... Now only Minnie is left.
Disneyworld Bus
Orlando, Florida
College girl: I really want to go as Superman!
Friend: You aren't going to stuff your crotch, are you?
Melbourne University
Australia
High maintenance chick #1: You know, the French quarter at Disney is so much better than this.
High maintenance chick #2: Yeah, right, huh? This place is so dirty!
French Quarter
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: yeah, that big storm and all...
Student #1, viewing political cartoons of Egypt: There's a face on that rock!
Student #2: Because it's the sphynx!
New Hampshire
Guy, suddenly getting up from table: Gotta go!
Girl #1: Where's he going?
Girl #2: Maybe he's Superman.
Wilfrid Laurier University
Waterloo, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: mookie
Middle aged woman #1: I want to see the flag exhibit.
Middle aged woman #2: Me too! I hear it's just like Space Mountain.
Smithsonian National Museum of American History
Washington, DC
Teen girl: Hey guys! I heard there's going to be like, a digital Armageddon today!
Teen boy: I think that's a hoax.
Teen girl: No, but I heard it on the radio (pause) They wouldn't have reported it like that if it was fake.
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: H. G. Wells
Tourist, yelling at husband who went to magazine kiosk : Get the magazine! Not the paper! Magazine! (husband comes back with paper) *Sigh* Men...they're the same everywhere.
Kuala Lumpur
Malaysia
Man to son, coming out of restroom: After what you tried to do to Tigger I'm not sure if you deserve that.
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Tracy
Man in stall on cell: Hey! It's me, do you want to talk dirty? (pause) Oh, okay. I'll let you watch your show.
Coral Springs, Florida
Businessman on cell: I could barely see over her head, dude! It was like reading Klingon for the first time.
Independence Avenue
Washington, DC
Guy picking up copy of Les Miserables: Oh my god, look at the size of this thing! What a crappy book!
Barnes & Noble
Mankato, Minnesota
Guy: It was like trying to pull candy from a baby.
West Island
Montreal
Canadia
Seven-year-old daughter, confused: Mommy, why's the play called Murder on the Ides?
Mom: Well, it's about Julius Caesar, a Roman leader. See, in this country, when we don't like our leader anymore, we vote 'em out. But the Romans...
Seven-year-old daughter, excitedly: Oh! Oh! They kill them!!
Colgate University
Madison County, New York
Overheard by: Jake
Asian girl, holding out fist: Pound it?
Queer: Do I look like someone who pounds it?
Asian girl, giggling: Ummmm...
West Lafayette, Indiana
Overheard by: Kole
Spanish teacher: And you really have to be careful what you eat, because they have a lot of E. Coli problems.
Teenage girl: E. Coli? Like in those commercials with the cough drops?
Spanish teacher: What?
Teenage girl: Y'know, like the "Eeee-coliiii..."
Jersey Shore High School
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: shana yo mamma
20-something fashionista: Oh, the Spice Girls like totally changed my life!
Beverly Center
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Shabunapoodle
Student: I agree with everything Bill O'Reilly says.
University of Toronto
Canadia
Blonde teen: Please don't pull my finger!
Brunette teen: Oh, gosh. Is this like that time in gym class?
Homecoming Football Game
Minnesota
Ditz to friend: He took me Facebook poking him as a romantic gesture!
TC Central High School
Michigan
Dudely dude: You know Heart of Darkness, by Marlon Brando...
Ithaca College
Ithaca, New York
Flamboyant Starbucks supervisor: I call Princess Peach!
Amused female employee #1: Be gayer, dude.
Flamboyant Starbucks supervisor: That was it. I don't think I can get any gayer.
Amused female employee #2: Yeah, he just plateaued.
Ottawa
Canadia
Guy #1: Did you see the video where that girl shoots a banana out of her ass?
Guy #2: Yeah! And then she's like "I think there's still a strawberry up there!"
Clemson University
Clemson, South Carolina
Overheard by: starch
20-something girl to boyfriend: You're such a nerd.
Boyfriend: We prefer "Men of Gondor."
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Corey
Older man walking into a jewelery store, to another: I'm not a sugar-daddy, am I?
Fashion Valley Mall
San Diego, California
Teen prep: Shell is a lot more expensive than GetGo these days. (later) I'm missing a lifetime movie right now!
Father: She's like Zippy the Pinhead!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Shoppy
Customer: Excuse me, where is your non-fiction section?
Salesgirl: What type of non-fiction are you looking for?
Customer: Harry Potter.
Bookstore
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Guy to friend: So I said to him, "you wanna be a clown and you don't even know who fucking Bozo is?!"
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: phuqmonkey
Persian princess: That's why I really want to be into journalism. I think that being somewhere where there's, like, a tsunami or earthquake is really exciting to me...
Horny first date: Yeah, yeah...
Persian princess (breathy pause): I guess I just really want to work for MTV.
Santana Row
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Demitra
Girl: I think the live-action of GTO is so much better.
Guy: I think the live action of your mom is so much better.
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Tall adolescent: Peach sucks. Daisy's okay, but peach sucks.
Short adolescent: See, I've always been more of a toad fan. Even if he does look kind of like a circumcised wang.
Tall adolescent: Oh, you.
Missoula, Montana
Guy to friend: Jeff Gordon riding a Velociraptor alongside Jesus...
Appalchian State University
Boone, North Carolina
Overheard by: Diana Mason
College girl: I don't want to spam twenty people! I just want to know what fucking Disney princess I am!
Hofstra University
Long Island, New York
Woman: I think I have superpowers.
Lawrenceville, New Jersey
Overheard by: Anna
Teacher: See, adjectives are boring old turtles.
Students: Uhhh.
Teacher: But participles are like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
Marshall High School
Virginia
Overheard by: amused student....
Blonde: There was a Ken doll encased in jello in the fridge.
Pocket Sandwich Theater
Dallas, Texas
Drunk girl screaming: No one here cares about any of the issues. None of you are from here. That just makes me sick, none of you are fucking from here.
Bus driver over PA: Sweetie, unless your name is Pocahontas, you're not from here either.
NJ Transit Bus
Hobo to pretty girl walking by: You remind me of Mona Lisa! Man, I wish I were that pretty!
Mass Ave
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Michelle
Slightly crazy lady to older man sitting nearby: Hey! You look like my uncle Smitty! Are you kin to me?
Old man, startled: Um, no, I don't think so.
Lady: Well, you never know. I did that genealogy thing and it turns out that I am kin to Pocahontas, Thomas Jefferson and half the men that died at The Alamo.
Dan's Hamburgers
Austin, Texas
Girl #1: It's just that I feel like Amazon is judging me.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I bought one gay erotica book and now it wants me to buy Japanese porn.
Starbucks
Ukiah, California
Nerdy freshman talking about philosophy: Well, it depends on what you consider real. Like is Spiderman real?
Kid sitting with him: Uh...
Nerdy freshman: Think about it! Is he?
U Mass
Amherst, Massachusetts
Guy #1: Hey, cool! Harry Potter bookmarks! You think they have one for Hufflepuff?
Guy #2: Probably not.
Guy #1: Oh... Do you think it's because nobody cares?
Borders
Tucson, Arizona
Guy watching Macy's commercial: Ugh! This American obsession with consumerism is just disgusting! Not to mention flawed.
Sarcastic girl: What the hell do you think you are, Mr. Abercrombie jeans? Jamaican?
Western Washington University
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: He was obviously a freshman
Muslim girl: I'm really emo, but you couldn't tell from looking at me.
Other girl: Really?
Muslim girl: Yeah, but I don't cut myself. Well, technically. It depends what you mean by cutting yourself.
University of Toronto
Toronto
Canadia
Mother to daughter: You don't want to piss me off in the happiest place on earth!
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Twelve-year-old boy to friend: I didn't know bookstores had porn!
Friend: Dude, that's Cosmo!
Barnes & Noble
Illinois
Economics professor, suddenly, in a creepy voice: Noooo you may not! Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills! [Continuing in normal voice.] No? Anybody? No? Shame on you all! Just wait a few more years and you'll get what I'm talking about and you will be so pleased.
Tufts University
Massachusetts
Overheard by: Adrian
Obnoxious 20-something chick: We went to a Yankees game and had the worst seats ever. We didn't even see Derek Jeter's ass! ... Or anyone's ass.
IHOP
Green Bay, Wisconsin
Asian boy trying to open locked door: Man, how am I supposed to open this with my super Asian powers?!
Townview Magnet Center
Dallas, Texas
Lit professor: Now, when we plant humans and they grow, we call those "zombies".
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Guy: It's from Star Trek! I know it is! Bet me!
Claremore, Oklahoma
Overheard by: I work with dorks
Guy: Yeah, so Boyd Rice--
Blonde punk: --Your obsession with Boyd Rice is just as bad as my obsession with Richard Simmons.
Guy: Yeah, pretty much.
Wendy's
Round Rock, Texas
Middle-aged woman: No, I haven't read Harry Potter. I'm not really into all that futuristic stuff.
Saratoga Springs, New York
Hobo: Look, the pope!
Man: Like I'm going to fall for that!
Hobo, minutes later: Look, Batman! [Man turns and looks.]
Week the pope is in town
São Paulo
Brazil
Man, giggling: Hey, guys...
Friend: For the last time, Jeff, if it's about the Hamburglar, we don't want to hear it.
Galaxy Cinema
Nanaimo, British Columbia
Canadia
Guy #1: Who's Ian Gillan?
Guy #2: You know, the guy in Deep Purple? He was also in Jesus Christ Superstore.
Long Beach
Costumed dad to little girl: You need to listen. Understand? You will not take your clothes off!
Star Wars 30th Anniversary Celebration
Los Angeles, California
Philosophy professor: ... And Hegel scheduled all of his classes at the same time as Schoepenhauer's classes, which really pissed off Schoepenhauer because Hegel was like the P. Diddy of 19th century German philosophy.
Bucknell University
Lewisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jen