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Head Cheerleaders Are Born, Not Made
Little kid in bathroom with grandmother: Poopies, yay, yay! Poopies, yay yay!
Arby's Bathroom
Howell, Michigan
I Guess If You Want to Be Anal About It...
Teen girl with group of friends: But I don't get it... Why would you wipe it *that* way particularly?
(long silence, group of friends look at each other)
Friend, incredulously: Uhh... So you don't get shit in your vag?
Federation Square
Melbourne
Australia
From the Epic Best-Seller Rich Man, Poo Man
Boy in bar: Why does everyone always make me out to be the poo guy?
Oaktown, California
Overheard by: sitting further away now
Did You Know You Have No Lubrication Back There?
Girl: Sorry about the chafing. My butt still hurts when I poo.
Boy: [Makes sad face.]
Girl: From your surprise. I don't like your surprises.
Boy: It surprised me too!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Poop | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cats Are Hypersensitive to Comma Faults
Boy: So why did you move here?
Girl: I was gonna go to art school and then I wrote this big essay and my cat shit on it.
Boy: Literally shit on it?
Girl: Yeah, I took it as a sign.
18 Bus
Seattle, Washington
Why Will's Parents Sent Him to His Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air
Girl: Jazmin*, what was you doing in the bathroom?
Jazmin: Oh, you know...
Boy across the hall: She was taking a dump!
Jazmin: Yup! That's what we do all day, every day.
Public High School
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: andromeda
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Friends | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Poop | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Words | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Have My Period, I Get a Mop
Chick: No, if I take a shit I get the dish soap.
Guy: [nods understandingly].
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Poop | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2008-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Try the Cap'n Cramps
Woman in cereal aisle: Where's the one that makes you poop?
Fry's
Tucson, Arizona
Since His Parole Officer Told Him to Keep His Ass Clean
Teen girl: Sam is so sexy. There's like, no poopy on him.
Palm City, Florida
Overheard by: I don't know about you
Categories: Beauty | Compliments | Florida | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Poop | Sexuality | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Psh, I'd Be Asking for High Fives
Guy #1: John* really needs to get laid. He hasn't hooked up for months.
Guy #2: Dude, didn't you hear what happened to him?
Guy #1: No.
Guy #2: The last girl he brought home shat in his bed. He's been kind of gun-shy since then.
Charlottesville, Virginia
And If I Eat That I Get a Rash
Doctor: Are you allergic to anything?
Patient: Yes, nuts!
Doctor: What happens when you ingest nuts?
Patient: They come out whole in my poop!
Waterloo, Iowa
From the Three's Company Cutting-Room Floor
Female roommate, discussing broken toilet: It's funny how the tampon goes but not the poop.
Male roommate: I should have stayed in my room.
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: should've stayed at the library...
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Feelings | Frat boy types | Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Poop | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2008-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's More Like a Museum of Strangers' Poo, Honey
Little girl, inside port-a-potty: Mommy! Mommy!
Mommy: Just be quiet and go potty.
Little girl: Mommy, do you know what it feels like in here? It's like a little house where I'll always be protected.
Renaissance Festival
Maryland
Overheard by: Nancy Whiskey
Even We Winced at This One
Man #1: So she looks up at me with this, look, right? And she grips my dick real hard and then gets this terrified look as she picks it off on my pubes...
Man #2: Oh, dude, I'm gonna vomit.
Man #1: It was a fucking dingleberry. And it wasn't mine, dude.
Gym
Oregon
Wait-- What Exactly Are You Using As a Volleyball?
Mom to three-year-old son under the table: Whatcha' doin' under there, buddy?
Three-year-old son: Playing volleyball.
Dad: Volleyball? Smells like you're pooping your pants.
Three-year-old son, giggling: I am.
Three-year-old son's sister to friend: See, I told you it wasn't the food.
Los Tres Amigos Mexican Restaurant
Michigan
Overheard by: Scott
Categories: Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Lies | Michigan | Moms | Poop | Questions | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Siblings | Posted 2008-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Distant, Constipated, and Lonely, That's the Life for You
Little old lady: Are you here to poop? That's what I just did. Everybody poops. It feels great! Such a relief!
Preschool girl: Yeah!
Girl's mom: Come on, honey... What have I told you about talking to crazy strangers?
Bathroom, Target
Novi, Michigan
That Is Correct.
Teacher: Did you hear Germany got a new polar bear?
German exchange student: Shiza!
Guy: What's wrong with polar bears?
German exchange student: Ugh... You have no idea.
Grady High School
Atlanta, Georgia
They Know the Drill
Teen girl, standing up: Get up! I gotta go to the bathroom.
Snotty friend: Fuck you! Carol told you to go before the movie started.
Teen girl: I'm gonna shit my pants at the count of three and then sit right down!
Other teen girls in row, standing in unison: Go! Go! Go! Go!
Movie theater
Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Big Larry
Dude, We're So Not Coming Over. Ever.
Drunk guy to two chicks: I was so tanked last night that I don't know if I shit in my bed or if somebody else shit in my bed as a joke, but someone definitely shit in my bed. It was a pretty good party, though.
dcist.com
In the Hamptons, That's a Marriage Proposal
Guy from inside Port-A-Potty: Oh, shit, I just dropped my BlackBerry in there!
Friend: Oh, man, what are you gonna do?!
Guy: Well, somebody's got to stick their hand in there!
Dude waiting in line: I think I'll use the other one. I don't want to be the first person to piss on your BlackBerry.
Rock the Farm Benefit
East Hampton, New York
Um, Hello?
Trailer trash mom to bow-legged child: Stop walkin' like you got turds!
All Star Movies Resort, Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Stitch Fan
Um, That's You
Intercom: The moving walkway is ending.
Little boy: The moving walkway is pooping! Haha! Pooping!
Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: morgz
In Edmonton, That's Front-Page News
Little girl in bathroom: But Mommy, I'm working on a really big poop!
Embarrassed mother: Honey, everyone in the bathroom does not need to hear that!
Boston Pizza, 50th Street
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
How Coke Mules Avoid Cavity Searches
Guy on cell: Well, last night I had food poisoning, and today I had beans, so this could get interesting.
Denver Airport
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Glad I didn't sit near him
Categories: Colorado | Gossip | On the phone | Poop | Posted 2008-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, Babies Are a Lot of Trouble
Girl behind counter: Someone needs to tape his ass together, because he is loose. He is like grandma-and-whiskey loose.
Tattoo parlor
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: switching to vodka
Categories: Chicks | Massachusetts | Poop | Posted 2007-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Entertainment's Scarce During Long Wisconsin Winters
High school girl: I'm so excited! I can't wait to poop out just a little of this burrito!
Fort Atkinson, Wisconsin
Which End Is He Interested In?
Cute lab tech guy: So, to take a stool sample, take this stick and smear it in here.
Hot girl patient: I have to smush it?
Cute lab tech guy: Yep, like that. So, do you have a boyfriend?
Park Nicolette Clinic
St. Louis Park, Minnesota
Categories: Creepsters | Minnesota | Poop | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"You're the Worst Math Tutor Ever," I Said.
Marine #1: So, how was it?
Marine #2: Crazy. She wanted me to take a shit in her pussy. That's fucking weird, man.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Soundbite Lover
Categories: California | Kink | Military | Poop | Vagina | Posted 2007-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Why's Her Brother Waving Happily from the Pool?
Drunk girl: Hey. Hey! Everyone be quiet for a second -- I want to make a toast. I just want to remind everyone why we're here, and that's because my brother finally shit successfully.
Drunk guy: What the fuck did she just say?
House party
Holbrook, New York
Overheard by: pc
Like a Scat Burglar?
Boy: Dad, why do toilets flush?
Dad, irritated: I don't know.
Boy: I think it is so no one can steal the poop.
Bathroom
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Pooper Snooper
And on the Bath Mat. And Behind the Toilet.
Mom trying to remove splinter from son's hand: I'm sorry it hurts. When we get home you can take a bath. Sometimes that helps splinters come out.
Toddler, in between sobs: Okay... And this time I'll try not to poop in the tub.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Hannah
Categories: Kids | Massachusetts | Poop | Posted 2007-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Still Tasting Yesterday's
Crazy bag lady: Can I have that shirt? I'm all dirty and nasty.
Young guy: No, I need this for work.
Crazy bag lady: Oh. Can I shit in your mouth?
Young guy: Um, no.
Washington, DC
Categories: Bag ladies | Clothing | Poop | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like a Message from God
Daughter: You sure are being stupid today.
Mom: Duh, I have bird poo in my hair.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Insults | Moms | Poop | Should have used a condom | Washington | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait, Wait -- I'm Taking Notes!
Pilot: Sorry for the delay -- we are waiting for the cleaning team. Someone had a problem in the washrooms.
Flight attendant: I'd like to remind everyone that you should poop in the toilet -- not outside of the hole but in the hole. Thank you for your collaboration.
Flight near takeoff
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Julien
Categories: Advice | Flight attendants | Florida | Pilots | Poop | Posted 2007-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Good to Have Plans
Drunk girl: I want to find a really kinky man tonight and shit on his chest.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Drunks | Kink | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Poop | Posted 2007-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Geez, I Hope He Means "Pissing Out His Ass"
Teen boy to friends: I tried to drink a whole gallon of milk once, but that didn't happen and I ended up drinking a half gallon instead. Then I ended up pissing shit, man. It was awful, and it smelled so bad...
Skybridge, Providence Place Mall
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Ang
Categories: Poop | Rhode Island | Teens | Posted 2007-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um... During?
Hot girl: I haven't had sex in so long.
Cute friend, nodding: Mmmm.
Hot girl: Nobody pays attention to me...
Cute friend: It's 'cause you only have boyfriends.
Hot girl: Yeah... And... [Whispers] I kinda like pooping.
Tampa, Florida
Categories: Bimbettes | Florida | Gender issues | Kink | Poop | Sex | Time Management | Posted 2007-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Solid, Liquid, or Gas?
Kid: Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom.
Mom: It's not too late, is it?
Kid: No, I just let out a little stinker.
Shout-out: overheardinlakecounty.blogspot.com
Categories: Moms | Overheard in Lake County | Poop | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Got a Creme Brulee in the Oven, Motherfucker
Thug to pit bull on leash: What time are you gonna shit? ... No, seriously, what time?
Downtown Crossing
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: jchill
Categories: Massachusetts | Poop | Questions | Thugs | Posted 2007-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Something Tells Me That Wasn't Actually Random
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: So, this is totally random, but if a gay black man has anal sex, do you think he can see if he has shit on his dick when he's done?
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: Uh...
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: How sick would that be? I mean, they're black. Well, actually, they're brown. And shit is brown, you know? So how can they tell?
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: I would hope they'd notice.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: Think about it! Walking around with shit on your dick? Nasty.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: Maybe that's why some black people smell bad.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: Oh my god! You're so right. Ew! If I were a gay man, I'd never take it up the ass from a black guy.
530 Church Street
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Caryn
Categories: Backdoor | Michigan | Poop | Sorority types | Posted 2007-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook