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Some Spies May Be Adorable, but They Get the Job Done
Girl on cell in library: It's crunch time, sparky!
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Before Harry Hole Joined the Police Force
Sheepish-looking PhD student coming out of washroom: Oh yes! I wasn't taking a shower with a glass of chardonnay! By "wasn't" I mean "was", by "taking a shower" I mean "taking a dump", and by "glass" I mean "bottle". (long pause, looking down the hall) I was taking a dump with a bottle of chardonnay!
University of Northern Norway
Norway
Or to Have Palin As Our Number Two
Boyfriend to girlfriend: It is my sole wish not to have to go number two tonight.
Obama Rally
Chicago, Illinois
Why Google Exists.
Fashionable girl on cell: Do you think you can catch pink eye from getting poop in your eye?
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | On the phone | Poop | Questions | Posted 2011-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gosh, I Miss Circuit Parties.
Nurse #1: Constipated and a lot of bloody stool.
Nurse #2: (laughs uproariously)
North Shore Hospital
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Etiquette | Health & Hygiene | New York | Nurses | Poop | Posted 2011-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do You Think They Called It "The Battle Of the Bulge"?
Old man to another, over lunch: And once one of the Germans got constipated, none of us could shit for weeks!
Valparaiso, Indiana
Why Would I Wipe It Off?
Suit: So yeah, I found out how my boss's boss takes his tea, and I took him a cup this morning, along with a muffin.
Non-suit: And did you remember to take a napkin to wipe his feces from your nose?
London
England
Overheard by: Eastender
I Blame the Curry
Drunk man outside curry restaurant, face down on pavement, screaming: I've shit myself! I've shit myself! I've shit myself!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
...The Prostitutes and Junkies Will Think You're Uncouth.
Sleazy 40-something drunk, pointing and laughing at embarrassed 20-something: And then he got poo all over his knob!
20-something: For fuck's sake dad! Shut up!
Red Light District
Amsterdam
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: Body parts | Drunks | Netherlands | Poop | Stupidity | Posted 2011-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Not a Nice Way to Talk About the Bravo Network.
Eight-year-old boy to eight-year-old girl: You have to go to college! Otherwise you'll have to work in the poop factory!
Eight-year-old girl: There's no such thing as the poop factory!
Six-year-old brother: Yes there is! Remember?
Portland, Oregon
For Instance, She's Always Refusing to Change My Diaper!
Woman to friend: I don't know why she wants a baby. I mean, she doesn't even like poo.
Edmonton
Canadia
Even the Air at Whole Foods Is Rich in Fiber
Wife to husband: You're back already? That was the quickest poop you've ever done!
Whole Foods
Alexandria, Virginia
Categories: Compliments | Couples | Poop | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2011-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Um, I've Heard.
Man: All cocaine really does is make you want more of it.
Woman: Not necessarily. If that were true, what's to stop people from snorting dog shit?
Man: That rule doesn't apply to dog shit. If you snort dog shit, you will definitely never, ever, want to snort it again.
Oakland, California
The Best First Date I've Had in a Good Long While
Girl: And then he asked if I had dingleberries, and I was like, "no," and then I said "but my cat does."
UMASS
Massachusetts
Categories: Ass | Massachusetts | Poop | Questions | Posted 2010-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Divorce the Second Woman and Marry the First, Guys
Woman #1: I love the smell of rain.
Woman #2: The only thing I smell is elephant shit.
Alabama State Fair
Overheard by: Wendy and Joe
Categories: Alabama | Animals | Poop | Sensory experiences | Women | Posted 2010-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Twins!
Voice #1: I'm in the wrong bathroom!
Voice #2: I'm in the wrong bathroom, too!
Airport
Minnesota
Beware Of Canadian Estheticians, Dear Reader
Teenage girl to friend, giggling: So then she said she was going to put diarrhea on my face!
Toronto
Canadia
And the Shittiest!
Boy in AP English class, reading "The House on Mango Street": This is the most realistic book I've read since "Everybody Poops"!
New Jersey
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | New Jersey | Poop | Students | Posted 2010-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Until Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Lecturer, laughing manically: Okay, guys! I promise that is the last time I will mention poop this semester. (under her breath) Probably.
Film Class
Perth
Australia
The Magic Night Cletus Met Brandine
Male redneck: You can come over, but you can't be shittin' in my bathroom.
(female redneck is silent)
Male redneck: Seriously... I like you and all, but I don't know you good enough for you to be stankin' up my bathroom.
(they leave together)
Project Lounge
Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: these are the people who get to have sex?
Categories: Mississippi | Poop | Rednecks | Relationships | Posted 2010-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Margaret Cho's Dieting Again
Girl #1, taking in horrible smell: Whah...?
Girl #2, nodding, seriously: Yeah. Diarrhea. (pauses, then frantically) Not mine!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: phew.
Categories: California | Girls | Poop | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Tigger or Eeyore
Lecturer: No, seriously! I promise I won't talk about poo next week!
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: ellie.
Yeah, I've Heard That Promise Before
Sobbing man with black eye, on cell: I love you so much, baby. I'm gonna squeeze you so hard you're gonna shit. (continues weeping)
Coloradp Springs, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Feelings | On the phone | Poop | Posted 2010-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Glad You Recognize It As an Inevitability
Wife: Would you still love me if I peed my pants?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: Would you still love me if I shit my pants?
Husband: We'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Nashville, Tennessee
Have You Learned So Little from The Sweetest Thing?
Teen girl in bathroom #1: I'd hate to be a guy and have to use a urinal.
Teen girl in bathroom #2: Oh yeah, that thing looks unsanitary.
Teen girl in bathroom #1: Not even that, but like if you had to go poop then everyone would know it.
Teen girl in bathroom #3: You can't poop in a urinal?
High School
Coral Springs, Florida
Categories: Compare and contrast | Florida | Gender issues | Pee | Poop | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2010-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess It's Montessori School for You Then
Dad, changing son's diaper: Why don't you want to wear a diaper? You want to run around naked and piss and poop all over the floor?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: What are you, an anarchist?
New Jersey
After MC Skat Kat, Paula Abdul's Career Went Into the Toilet
Student: What's "scat"?
Professor: Poop.
Student: Oh, shit!
Godfrey, Illinois
Overheard by: M
Don't Knock New York Apartments 'Til You've Tried Them
Girl: The toilet was in the living room.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: James
Categories: Girls | Massachusetts | Pee | Poop | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which, As We Both Know, Is More Than We Can Say for Dad.
Little girl to mom: But I am getting real good! Yesterday I didn't get any poop on my hand!
Public Restroom
Iceland
Everyone Deserves at Least One Brush with Greatness
Woman, searching through bargain bin: Do you want this? This woman taught at Bennington!
Girl: Dude, that's old! She teaches at my school now. Her son was in my class. His lab puppy shat on dreadlock, girl!
Borders
Mansfield, Massachusetts
Categories: Animals | Education | Girls | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Poop | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And That's How Nutella Is Produced.
Greasy old man to wheelchair-ridden woman: And then it drips out of my rectum...
Westchester Airport
New York
And I Lied and Said, "No."
Fireman: And then he asked me if I'd ever covered my hand with a plastic bread bag, and then squished my shit around in the toilet... just to see what it feels like.
Maine
...That's a Terrible Marketing Slogan.
Gay man: Listen, we've all shat, we've all farted, we've all touched ourselves, and we've all used a dildo.
Girls: Ummm... no.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Burping & farting | Girls | Masturbation | Pennsylvania | Poop | Queers | Toys | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Yada Yada Yada, E. Coli.
Guy to girlfriend: I thought it would be funny to eat an O'Henry while pooing.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Alywishus
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Food | Poop | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or, Put More Eloquently, "What What (In the Butt)?"
Woman on toilet: What the fuck is going on with my ass?
Medford, Massachusetts
Categories: Ass | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Poop | Questions | Restroom | Women | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When a Couple's Goals Conflict
Flamboyant gay guy #1, whispering discretely: I'm going to do you so hard when we get home.
Flamboyant gay guy #2, not whispering: I'm going to shit in your mouth.
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: MB
This Will Be on the Midterm.
American history professor: So this Bacon guy died of the flux. Or as I like to say, he shat himself to death.
University Of Louisiana
Monroe, Louisiana
Overheard by: a bored Am. History student
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | History | Louisiana | Maladies | Poop | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though Perhaps Stinky on Two Counts
Girl on cell: And we're going to watch Twilight and poop later... It's going to be a good night!
Newark, Delaware
Categories: Girls | Movies | On the phone | Poop | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, I Guess It Depends What He'd Eaten That Day
Female diner #1: I mean, he was awesome. He had a lifeguard body. If he shit, I would eat it.
Female diner #2: (pushes food away)
O'Callaghan's
Chicago, Illinois
As a Reward for Having Completed That Etiquette Course
Older woman with no inside voice, inside a bus on rush hour: I want a diamond about as big as a horse turd.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: bleep
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Poop | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Craig Kilborn Lends Name to Chewable Prozac.
Little boy in handicapped stall: I like you... I like you, Craig... You relax me.
Ladies Room, Barnes & Noble
Saugus, Massachusetts
...After Thinking About the Poor Children in the World Who Aren't Even Allowed to Poop
Girl to friend eating yogurt: You know, yogurt makes you shit.
Friend, frightened: Does it, really?
Girl: I dare you to take the Activia challenge.
Friend: Nah! I'm not in the mood to poop today.
Fire Island, New York
Overheard by: i laughed at this
Piss Christ Comes to Dallas
Man #1: Hey, are those bathrooms?
Man #2: No...that's art.
Discovery Green Park
Houston, Texas
The First English Settlers Called It "Feculanta"
British guy on cell: Ugh! I just stuck my umbrella in something that resembles feces!
MARTA
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Georgia | Guys | On the phone | Poop | Words | Posted 2009-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pearls Of Wisdom from How to Raise a Serial Killer
Rich mother: Well, you'll just have to hold it! You can't go to the bathroom around here! They are positively disgusting, you'll die!
Little child, crying: Please, mommy, I need to go!
Rich mother: Don't you value your life?
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: Alex Ello
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Parenting | Poop | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes Your Words Just Flow Out, Uncontrollably
Little girl: Is there diarrhea here? I love diarrhea!
Mother: I have no idea what you're talking about, but it doesn't sound good, so stop it.
Target
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Amused Employee
There Are Entire Websites Devoted to That Sort Of Thing, Sweetie.
Three-year-old daughter, pointing at huge woman: Dada, she has a big booty.
Father: Sweetie, you don't want to talk about other people's booties.
Three-year-old daughter: But dada, she couldn't sit on our toilet. It is too small for her.
Father: Okay. (hurriedly moves out of the aisle)
Three-year-old daughter: Her booty is too big for pee and poop to come out. She makes a big mess and gets it all over! (father starts pushing faster)
Supermarket
Quincy, Massachusetts
...I've Been Saving That Up All Semester.
Elderly Bible as Literature professor: People often say things that catch people off guard. Like if I said even Jesus shat.
(entire class goes completely silent)
Professor: Holy shit, huh?
College
Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Jesus | Massachusetts | Poop | Questions | Religious fanatics | Teachers | Posted 2009-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then I'll Have My Master's in Evacuation.
Guy on cell, after an exam: It was like the big turd finally dropped, now all I have to worry about are little turds.
Louisiana State University
Overheard by: glad she went to class
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Louisiana | Poop | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Dad Wants to See Me ASAP
30-something druggie girl: I know my dad's looking down at me, helping me and shit. That's how I got my handbag back.
30-something druggie guy: Yeah? For fuckin serious?
30-something druggie girl: Yeah! I feel like he's telling me shit sometimes. Sometimes I reckon he wants me to stop taking the pills and the smack, but then I'm like, "Nah, that's just the drugs talking."
Train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: XPIOTOS
Who Had Means, Motive and Opportunity?
Foreign dressing room attendant, opening all stall doors: It stinks in here! Who pooped? Someone pooped in here, and I'm gonna find it. Where is the poop? Who did it?
Ross
Melbourne, Florida
Categories: Default | Employees | Florida | Foreigners | Offers and requests | Poop | Questions | Posted 2009-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I Told My Boyfriend He'd Done It and Kicked Him Out
Girl #1: I was sooo drunk. I woke up and there was shit all over the rug.
Girl #2: That's not good.
Girl #1: Yeah, I'm like disgusted with myself.
University of Delaware
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Delaware | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Poop | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ken Earns His Master's in Evacuation
Guy, weighing himself: 176. Hmm, hold on a minute, I gotta go shit.
Guy at desk: Alright.
(5 minutes later)
Guy, weighing himself: 170. Goddamn.
Centre College
Danville, Kentucky
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kentucky | Poop | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Else Is There to Do in Des Moines When It's Dark?
Girl #1: So Gabby's RA was telling her that someone shat on the carpet in the hallway the other night.
Girl #2: Wait, were they drunk or something?
Girl #1: I would think so. It was nighttime.
Drake University
Des Moines, Iowa
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Iowa | Poop | Questions | Posted 2009-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Me Just Open Up My Briefcase
Professor to clapping students: You know what makes that funnier? I just took a shit.
Binghamton University
Binghamton, New York
Overheard by: ThirstyEar2
At Least He Didn't Say "a Brown Shower"
Guy #1, walking down sidewalk: I really have to poo.
Guy #2, walking down sidewalk: Speaking of poo, I could use some poontang.
Random girl walking the other way: Oh my goodness!
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Alexa
Why Do You Think They're Always So Angry?
College boy #1: If I were a T-Rex I would fuck shit up.
College boy #2: Yeah, but good luck masturbating.
Hendrix College
Arkansas
Overheard by: College Girl Walking By
Categories: Animals | Arkansas | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Masturbation | Poop | Students | Posted 2009-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Light Green.
Dad: There are some things you can't discuss with girls. Like I would never tell your mom about the really weird-colored shit I had last night.
Preteen son: What color was it?
Dad: See, that's not the kind of question a girl would ask.
Northgate Mall
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Didn't want to hear it either
Fine, Call It "Guano" If That Makes You Feel Better
Man to son: Stop talking about vampire bats and focus on your poop.
San Diego, California
Categories: Advice | Animals | California | Dads | Default | Family ties | Poop | Posted 2009-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can I Still Have My Period on Your Face?
Girlfriend to boyfriend: So should I stop peeing in front of you ?
Boyfriend to girlfriend: No, I don't mind. I don't care...just don't let me see you poop, that's just too fucking weird.
Michigan
Overheard by: da da
The Good News Is, the Smell of Poop Makes Me Read
Girl: I shat my pants at a Barnes & Noble once.
Guy: Could it be because you ate scallops?
Girl: No, it's because the smell of books makes me poop.
Denny's
Vincennes, Indiana
According to This Fortune Cookie
Professor: You don't want to have a thin-skinned Prime Minister who's afraid of puffin poo.
University of Ottawa
Canadia
Meet the 21st-Century Emily Post
20-something brunette: I mean, what else are you supposed to do when someone shits their pants...drink more vodka!
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Chaser
An Army Of One
Guy coming out of bathroom: Dude, did you hear the angels singing?
Friend: What?
Guy: Man, that shit was magical.
Camp LeJeune, North Carolina
Then I Shower
Ditzy college girl: Everyone burps, everyone farts, everyone poops, and it feels fucking amazing.
Lynchburg College
Lynchburg, Virginia
Categories: Burping & farting | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Poop | Students | Virginia | Posted 2009-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Twitter Was Invented
Guy on cell walking past elephants: I'm watching elephants pour shit on their heads. Yeah, I'm watching elephants pour shit on their heads. Okay. Bye.
Busch Gardens
Tampa Bay, Florida
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Florida | Guys | Poop | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like "It's My Potty (And I'll Be Dry If I Want To)"
Teacher: Do you have to go potty?
Two-year-old girl: I don't go potty anymore; I listen to music.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: wayzata
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Kids | Kids | Music | Overheard in Minneapolis | Poop | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are There No Orphanages?
Mother with baby to other son: You are being such a nuisance. Your brother is sitting with poopy pants because you refuse to leave.
Wilmington, Delaware
The Next Fox Game Show
Mother: Do you want to go poop on mommy's floor, or make in the potty?
Two-year-old: The potty!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: meg
Categories: Default | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Poop | Questions | Posted 2008-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have To Come Clean. He Did
Soccer girl: God, it's like Aristotle took a shit on you!
Friend: I know, right?
Memorial University
St. John's, Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Philosophy | Poop | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Play-Doh, If Eaten, Can Become Poop
Mom to four-year-old's horrified babysitter: Poop is not play-doh. That's the lesson we learned today.
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Moms | Pennsylvania | Poop | Toys | Posted 2008-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Disney's Dumpo Has Been Box Office Gold for Decades
Mom to toddler in stroller: What was your favorite part of the circus?
Toddler in stroller: The elephants pooping!
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Categories: Animals | California | Default | Kids | Kids | Moms | Poop | Questions | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Well, You Say I Never Communicate!
Teenage cart boy on cell: I'm at GIANT right now. I just have to go home and take a shit and I'll be fine.
GIANT
Lehighton, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Missy
Categories: Default | Feelings | Guys | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Poop | Stores | Teens | Posted 2008-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Michigan Girls Make a Bid for the Title
Girl #1 in bathroom stall: My poop looks awesome! It has things in it! Come, look!
Girl #2 (waiting outside stall): No.
Girl #1: Come on!
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Please?
Girl #2: No! I never will.
Girl #1: I just won't flush it and then you'll have to look.
Girl #2: You better flush that shit!
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Or Anthrax
Mom: No! Don't walk on that! (kid continues to walk on grass) I hope you step in dog shit.
Capitol Hill
Washington, DC
Overheard by: christa
Categories: Animals | Default | Moms | Offers and requests | Poop | Washington, DC | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Or Stay Here and Piss My Initials? Make Up Your Mind
Thug to another: You want me to go home and take a shit?
Lake Grove, New York
Why We Don't Party with Canadians
University kid: It's like a kegger, but with shit.
Guelph
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: The zoe
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Poop | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes My Sphincter Needs a Cheerleader
Construction worker #1: The only time I know you're not talking is when you're smoking or pooping.
Construction worker #2: How do you know I'm not talking when I'm pooping?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: heard you in the porta-potty
Categories: Compare and contrast | Construction workers | Coworkers | Default | Overheard in Minneapolis | Poop | Questions | Time Management | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Winston Churchill Pushes the Allies to Invade Sicily
Guy on cell: I believe in signs, dude. I took a dump and it was totally shaped like a boot. I'm going to Italy.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: alicia
Categories: Default | Guys | On the phone | Overheard Lines | Poop | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can You Wait Til I Drop You Off at Mommy's?
Father: Look, there's a potty over there!
Five-year-old daughter: No, I don't wanna go in the porta-potty!
Father: Okay, where are you gonna go then?
Five-year-old daughter: In my pants!
Father: Alright!
SUNY
Purchase, New York
You're Always Telling Me I Should Have Goals
Little boy (loudly): I want to eat poop.
Mom (who clearly wasn't paying attention): What, honey?
Little boy: I would like to eat poop.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: JessH.
Except for the One Guy Who Said I Could Use a Cup
Bimbette shouting from crowd: Why does everyone want me to eat shit out of their mouths today?
Michigan Tech
Houghton, Michigan
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Euphemisms | Michigan | Poop | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Laura and Her Voice of Reason Were Eventually Driven Out of Millersville with Torches
Girl #1: She finally cleaned up the dog crap!
Girl #2: What? Her dog crapped in the house?
Girl #1: No, but it was all over the front yard. Can you imagine me trying to walk through that drunk?
Guy: I'm pretty sure that what happens when you're drunk is your responsibility. Getting trashed doesn't make stepping in dog shit someone else's fault.
Girl #1: Don't hate! Oh my god!
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Pennsylvania | Poop | Posted 2008-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Preschool-Level Sex Ed Only Leads to Confusion
Mom standing outside of bathroom stall: Honey, hurry up, there is a line waiting.
Four-year-old girl: I can't, my body requires me to go slow.
Capitol Building Bathroom
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Moms | Pee | Poop | Restroom | Washington | Posted 2008-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Mean Conductors Are Like This Everywhere?
Train conductor: Thank you for traveling on this 3:30 service to Southern Cross. If you need to use the toilet, they are located at the end of each carriage for your convenience. Please remember to both close and lock the door, which will save you from embarrassment and other passengers from blindness.
Train Service to Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Meg
Categories: Australia | Conductors | Default | Offers and requests | Pee | Poop | Train | Posted 2008-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
England Expects No Less
Little girl in bathroom stall with mother: Doody! It's fun to say "doody" in the bathroom! Say "doody," mom!
Whole Foods
West Orange, New Jersey
Overheard by: I almost said it myself.
Wanna Hold It?
Hippie using his pocket PC: It's very primitive -I use it for solitaire while pooping.
Bean & Leaf Coffee Shop
New London, Connecticut
Overheard by: Overand
Categories: Connecticut | Games | Hippies | Poop | Technology | Posted 2008-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Head Cheerleaders Are Born, Not Made
Little kid in bathroom with grandmother: Poopies, yay, yay! Poopies, yay yay!
Arby's Bathroom
Howell, Michigan
I Guess If You Want to Be Anal About It...
Teen girl with group of friends: But I don't get it... Why would you wipe it *that* way particularly?
(long silence, group of friends look at each other)
Friend, incredulously: Uhh... So you don't get shit in your vag?
Federation Square
Melbourne
Australia
From the Epic Best-Seller Rich Man, Poo Man
Boy in bar: Why does everyone always make me out to be the poo guy?
Oaktown, California
Overheard by: sitting further away now
Did You Know You Have No Lubrication Back There?
Girl: Sorry about the chafing. My butt still hurts when I poo.
Boy: [Makes sad face.]
Girl: From your surprise. I don't like your surprises.
Boy: It surprised me too!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Poop | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cats Are Hypersensitive to Comma Faults
Boy: So why did you move here?
Girl: I was gonna go to art school and then I wrote this big essay and my cat shit on it.
Boy: Literally shit on it?
Girl: Yeah, I took it as a sign.
18 Bus
Seattle, Washington
Why Will's Parents Sent Him to His Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air
Girl: Jazmin*, what was you doing in the bathroom?
Jazmin: Oh, you know...
Boy across the hall: She was taking a dump!
Jazmin: Yup! That's what we do all day, every day.
Public High School
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: andromeda
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Friends | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Poop | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Words | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Have My Period, I Get a Mop
Chick: No, if I take a shit I get the dish soap.
Guy: [nods understandingly].
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Poop | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2008-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Try the Cap'n Cramps
Woman in cereal aisle: Where's the one that makes you poop?
Fry's
Tucson, Arizona
Since His Parole Officer Told Him to Keep His Ass Clean
Teen girl: Sam is so sexy. There's like, no poopy on him.
Palm City, Florida
Overheard by: I don't know about you
Categories: Beauty | Compliments | Florida | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Poop | Sexuality | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Psh, I'd Be Asking for High Fives
Guy #1: John* really needs to get laid. He hasn't hooked up for months.
Guy #2: Dude, didn't you hear what happened to him?
Guy #1: No.
Guy #2: The last girl he brought home shat in his bed. He's been kind of gun-shy since then.
Charlottesville, Virginia
And If I Eat That I Get a Rash
Doctor: Are you allergic to anything?
Patient: Yes, nuts!
Doctor: What happens when you ingest nuts?
Patient: They come out whole in my poop!
Waterloo, Iowa
From the Three's Company Cutting-Room Floor
Female roommate, discussing broken toilet: It's funny how the tampon goes but not the poop.
Male roommate: I should have stayed in my room.
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: should've stayed at the library...
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Feelings | Frat boy types | Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Poop | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2008-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's More Like a Museum of Strangers' Poo, Honey
Little girl, inside port-a-potty: Mommy! Mommy!
Mommy: Just be quiet and go potty.
Little girl: Mommy, do you know what it feels like in here? It's like a little house where I'll always be protected.
Renaissance Festival
Maryland
Overheard by: Nancy Whiskey
Even We Winced at This One
Man #1: So she looks up at me with this, look, right? And she grips my dick real hard and then gets this terrified look as she picks it off on my pubes...
Man #2: Oh, dude, I'm gonna vomit.
Man #1: It was a fucking dingleberry. And it wasn't mine, dude.
Gym
Oregon
Wait-- What Exactly Are You Using As a Volleyball?
Mom to three-year-old son under the table: Whatcha' doin' under there, buddy?
Three-year-old son: Playing volleyball.
Dad: Volleyball? Smells like you're pooping your pants.
Three-year-old son, giggling: I am.
Three-year-old son's sister to friend: See, I told you it wasn't the food.
Los Tres Amigos Mexican Restaurant
Michigan
Overheard by: Scott
Categories: Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Lies | Michigan | Moms | Poop | Questions | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Siblings | Posted 2008-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Distant, Constipated, and Lonely, That's the Life for You
Little old lady: Are you here to poop? That's what I just did. Everybody poops. It feels great! Such a relief!
Preschool girl: Yeah!
Girl's mom: Come on, honey... What have I told you about talking to crazy strangers?
Bathroom, Target
Novi, Michigan
That Is Correct.
Teacher: Did you hear Germany got a new polar bear?
German exchange student: Shiza!
Guy: What's wrong with polar bears?
German exchange student: Ugh... You have no idea.
Grady High School
Atlanta, Georgia
They Know the Drill
Teen girl, standing up: Get up! I gotta go to the bathroom.
Snotty friend: Fuck you! Carol told you to go before the movie started.
Teen girl: I'm gonna shit my pants at the count of three and then sit right down!
Other teen girls in row, standing in unison: Go! Go! Go! Go!
Movie theater
Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Big Larry
Dude, We're So Not Coming Over. Ever.
Drunk guy to two chicks: I was so tanked last night that I don't know if I shit in my bed or if somebody else shit in my bed as a joke, but someone definitely shit in my bed. It was a pretty good party, though.
dcist.com
In the Hamptons, That's a Marriage Proposal
Guy from inside Port-A-Potty: Oh, shit, I just dropped my BlackBerry in there!
Friend: Oh, man, what are you gonna do?!
Guy: Well, somebody's got to stick their hand in there!
Dude waiting in line: I think I'll use the other one. I don't want to be the first person to piss on your BlackBerry.
Rock the Farm Benefit
East Hampton, New York
Um, Hello?
Trailer trash mom to bow-legged child: Stop walkin' like you got turds!
All Star Movies Resort, Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Stitch Fan
Um, That's You
Intercom: The moving walkway is ending.
Little boy: The moving walkway is pooping! Haha! Pooping!
Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: morgz
In Edmonton, That's Front-Page News
Little girl in bathroom: But Mommy, I'm working on a really big poop!
Embarrassed mother: Honey, everyone in the bathroom does not need to hear that!
Boston Pizza, 50th Street
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
How Coke Mules Avoid Cavity Searches
Guy on cell: Well, last night I had food poisoning, and today I had beans, so this could get interesting.
Denver Airport
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Glad I didn't sit near him
Categories: Colorado | Gossip | On the phone | Poop | Posted 2008-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, Babies Are a Lot of Trouble
Girl behind counter: Someone needs to tape his ass together, because he is loose. He is like grandma-and-whiskey loose.
Tattoo parlor
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: switching to vodka
Categories: Chicks | Massachusetts | Poop | Posted 2007-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Entertainment's Scarce During Long Wisconsin Winters
High school girl: I'm so excited! I can't wait to poop out just a little of this burrito!
Fort Atkinson, Wisconsin
Which End Is He Interested In?
Cute lab tech guy: So, to take a stool sample, take this stick and smear it in here.
Hot girl patient: I have to smush it?
Cute lab tech guy: Yep, like that. So, do you have a boyfriend?
Park Nicolette Clinic
St. Louis Park, Minnesota
Categories: Creepsters | Minnesota | Poop | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"You're the Worst Math Tutor Ever," I Said.
Marine #1: So, how was it?
Marine #2: Crazy. She wanted me to take a shit in her pussy. That's fucking weird, man.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Soundbite Lover
Categories: California | Kink | Military | Poop | Vagina | Posted 2007-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Why's Her Brother Waving Happily from the Pool?
Drunk girl: Hey. Hey! Everyone be quiet for a second -- I want to make a toast. I just want to remind everyone why we're here, and that's because my brother finally shit successfully.
Drunk guy: What the fuck did she just say?
House party
Holbrook, New York
Overheard by: pc
Like a Scat Burglar?
Boy: Dad, why do toilets flush?
Dad, irritated: I don't know.
Boy: I think it is so no one can steal the poop.
Bathroom
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Pooper Snooper
And on the Bath Mat. And Behind the Toilet.
Mom trying to remove splinter from son's hand: I'm sorry it hurts. When we get home you can take a bath. Sometimes that helps splinters come out.
Toddler, in between sobs: Okay... And this time I'll try not to poop in the tub.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Hannah
Categories: Kids | Massachusetts | Poop | Posted 2007-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Still Tasting Yesterday's
Crazy bag lady: Can I have that shirt? I'm all dirty and nasty.
Young guy: No, I need this for work.
Crazy bag lady: Oh. Can I shit in your mouth?
Young guy: Um, no.
Washington, DC
Categories: Bag ladies | Clothing | Poop | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like a Message from God
Daughter: You sure are being stupid today.
Mom: Duh, I have bird poo in my hair.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Insults | Moms | Poop | Should have used a condom | Washington | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait, Wait -- I'm Taking Notes!
Pilot: Sorry for the delay -- we are waiting for the cleaning team. Someone had a problem in the washrooms.
Flight attendant: I'd like to remind everyone that you should poop in the toilet -- not outside of the hole but in the hole. Thank you for your collaboration.
Flight near takeoff
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Julien
Categories: Advice | Flight attendants | Florida | Pilots | Poop | Posted 2007-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Good to Have Plans
Drunk girl: I want to find a really kinky man tonight and shit on his chest.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Drunks | Kink | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Poop | Posted 2007-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Geez, I Hope He Means "Pissing Out His Ass"
Teen boy to friends: I tried to drink a whole gallon of milk once, but that didn't happen and I ended up drinking a half gallon instead. Then I ended up pissing shit, man. It was awful, and it smelled so bad...
Skybridge, Providence Place Mall
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Ang
Categories: Poop | Rhode Island | Teens | Posted 2007-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um... During?
Hot girl: I haven't had sex in so long.
Cute friend, nodding: Mmmm.
Hot girl: Nobody pays attention to me...
Cute friend: It's 'cause you only have boyfriends.
Hot girl: Yeah... And... [Whispers] I kinda like pooping.
Tampa, Florida
Categories: Bimbettes | Florida | Gender issues | Kink | Poop | Sex | Time Management | Posted 2007-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Solid, Liquid, or Gas?
Kid: Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom.
Mom: It's not too late, is it?
Kid: No, I just let out a little stinker.
Shout-out: overheardinlakecounty.blogspot.com
Categories: Moms | Overheard in Lake County | Poop | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Got a Creme Brulee in the Oven, Motherfucker
Thug to pit bull on leash: What time are you gonna shit? ... No, seriously, what time?
Downtown Crossing
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: jchill
Categories: Massachusetts | Poop | Questions | Thugs | Posted 2007-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Something Tells Me That Wasn't Actually Random
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: So, this is totally random, but if a gay black man has anal sex, do you think he can see if he has shit on his dick when he's done?
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: Uh...
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: How sick would that be? I mean, they're black. Well, actually, they're brown. And shit is brown, you know? So how can they tell?
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: I would hope they'd notice.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: Think about it! Walking around with shit on your dick? Nasty.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: Maybe that's why some black people smell bad.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: Oh my god! You're so right. Ew! If I were a gay man, I'd never take it up the ass from a black guy.
530 Church Street
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Caryn
Categories: Backdoor | Michigan | Poop | Sorority types | Posted 2007-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, I Think That Might Be a Sex Crime
Fat guy: So, I was getting head when all of a sudden I got this case of explosive diarrhea! I shitted everywhere, dude!
University of Hartford
West Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Joa
Categories: BJs | Connecticut | Creepsters | Gossip | Poop | Posted 2007-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Still Bitter about the Toilet Training
Three-year-old boy yelling at goats: Stop pooping! No more pooping! I said no more pooping!
Mom: Stop yelling at the livestock.
Petting zoo
Long Island, New York
Categories: Moms | New York | Poop | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Want to Have to Run You in for Theft, Too
Cop: It better be your own shit you are throwing this time, Martha.
Citadel Theatre
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
It Took Up All My Free Time and Left Me Really Tired, but Gave Me Some Extra Spending Money
Burly dude to friend: Last week I took a crap that was like having a second job.
Truck stop, I-81
Allentown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Tha WB
Categories: Friends | Pennsylvania | Poop | Posted 2007-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Find That a Relaxed No-Mindedness Is Much More Effective
Mother: Don't talk now, honey. Concentrate.
Little girl: Concentrate on the poo! Concentrate on the poo!
Bathroom, Newark Int'l Airport
Newark, New Jersey
Categories: Glad the condom broke | Moms | New Jersey | Poop | Posted 2007-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Knew You Didn't Have Mono Last Year
Grad student trying to impress a date: Pigeon shit is the most toxic bird poop.
Date: How do you know that?!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: squirrely mcsquirrel
Categories: Birds | Overheard at Cornell | Poop | Students | Posted 2007-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
