Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

Whatever I Can't Get from Miss Cleo, Anyway.

Professor: Temperature is an example of an invented reality. Temperature doesn't exist. It's all in our minds. It's either hot or cold out, but what are "degrees" really? Nothing!
Student: Actually, temperature is scientifically calculated by... (goes on to give long, technical explanation)
Professor: Really? I'm going to have to go look that up on Wikipedia. I get all of my information from Wikipedia.

University of Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Glad you're teaching us then...

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Professor Appreciated the Eight-Sided Paper

Excited student: I got a B+ on my Nietzsche paper!
Friend: The one based on a Dungeons & Dragons joke?

Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Mean, He Is on Our Bedsheets

Nerdy freshman talking about philosophy: Well, it depends on what you consider real. Like is Spiderman real?
Kid sitting with him: Uh...
Nerdy freshman: Think about it! Is he?

U Mass
Amherst, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Drink Constantly, Though

Guy: You know, I'm usually anti-slavery... Except when I drink, then I'm all for it.

Bar
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Joey Tribbiani As a Kid

Feminist speaker: What does feminism mean to you?
Dude: Lack of delicious sandwich?

Catholic High School classroom
Aurora, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'm Thinking, I'm Thinking!

Prof: Do you think that kicking a pregnant woman in the stomach was wrong?
Student: Ummmm... I'm not certain.
Prof: Do you think that what he did was a crime?
[Student pauses for nearly 30 seconds.]
Student #2: Dude, he kicked a baby.

Seton Hall Law
Newark, New Jersey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We'd Be Wide Awake, but Our Cards Would Be Stained

Guy playing magic card game with a bunch of friends: All I'm saying is that somewhere, in an alternate universe, there is a table producing coffee!

Clark College
Vancouver, Washington

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And I Need Lipstick for Medicinal Purposes

College girl, handing heavy basket to boyfriend: I'm all for feminism, but I don't like carrying heavy things.

Target
Towson, Maryland

Overheard by: Kay-ren

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Good Point --No Effect on Religious Beliefs

Professor: Now, if we did eliminate illness and achieved immortality there might be serious religious repercussions. Can anyone think of how this might affect religious beliefs?
Bimbette: Well, like, if Hitler were immortal, he would, like, go to jail for, like, a million years and then, like, chill out for eternity, you know?

Eternal Youth and Immortality Seminar
Lafayette College, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: knows that Hitler would still be dead because he SHOT himself

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If You Need a Longer Break, "Fluffy Pink Clouds 101" Is Right Down the Hall

Linda: Ugh, this class is so depressing!
Professor: Let's all take ten seconds to think about baby lambs to make Linda feel happy. [pause] Okay, back to Terri Schiavo!

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Well He Was French

Philosophy professor: Whatever you do guys, you can't let Descartes come through the back door!
Students: [Laugh hysterically.]
Philosophy professor: It's not funny! Descartes always tries to come through the back door!

University of Portland
Oregon

Overheard by: B Student

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

He Doesn't Go Very Far In

Young fashionista #1: How do you stay so positive?
Young fashionista #2: Oh, you know, I just don't let the bad stuff in.
Young fashionista #1: What about Pedro?

São Paulo
Brazil

Overheard by: paparazzi

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Okay, Now Tell Me How You Know That

Male fashionista: Deepness is just a less shallow superficiality.

São Paulo
Brazil

Overheard by: paparazzi

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And You Wouldn't Believe Some of the Shit I Saw in the Womb

30-ish black woman, emphatically to self: Damn! Life ain't nothin' like I ever seen before.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

All You Ladies Need to Do Is Dab Some Beer behind Your Ears and You're Set

Psychology professor: What will your Prada bag get you? It doesn't get you sex. All the men aren't going to be like, 'Oooh, Prada bag!'

Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

How Intelligent Design Theorists Date

Girl to guy making out with her at bar: So, do you want my phone number?
Guy: If it was meant to be, I'll guess it.

Lawrence, Kansas

Overheard by: The Scandinavian

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Or Only Sleep with Men You Love

Girl #1: I just don't think I'll ever have sex without a condom.
Girl #2: Oh, please -- that's like saying you're going to wait until marriage.

Mia's Mexican Restaurant
Dallas, Texas

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

After That, Sex Got a Lot More Comfortable

20-something artist dude in loin cloth: ... And then I realized -- it's not about the panties at all!

Burning Man
Black Rock Desert, Nevada

Overheard by: lith

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Amazing the Americans Didn't Do It First

Guy #1: Neil, you okay? Are you drunk?
Guy #2: Nah, I'm fine. I've just taken all the effort out of walking.

Oban, Argyll
Scotland

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

How China Got Ahead of Us

Man: I never let anyone I owe money to walk behind me.

Hancock Street, Beacon Hill
Boston, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Now I Know How My Bukkake Partners Feel

Girl to friend: I feel like a giant pen... that spilt its ink on the world.

Shout-out: community.livejournal.com

Overheard by: Yours truly

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Well, Everyone Knows That

Jock: Diversity is an old, old wooden ship.

Wilfrid Laurier University
Waterloo, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Ship's Captain

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Instead of Just White People, Like Normal

Drunk queer: There are so many people in the world -- especially when you factor in everyone.

Charlottesville, Virginia

Overheard by: I'd say that's the best way to do it

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Good at What, Exactly?

Statistics professor: If you're not good-looking, you'd better be good; and if you're not good, you'd better be rich... Oh, I'm sorry. It's true, but I'm still sorry.

Shout-out: community.livejournal.com

Overheard by: me in cas b12

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And If Bad Grammar Were the New Good Grammar...

Guy: Man, if failing was the new pass, I'd be doing so good.

Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com

Overheard by: lauren

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Well, It's Gonna Be All Pissy Regardless

Student to another: Well, maybe the urinal wanted to be dried. Did you ever think about that?

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Trying to Teach Here

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

New York Children Have Difficulty Fitting In Abroad

Teacher reading story to class: Little Bear hurt his head, and Big Bear kissed it better. Little Bear hurt his foot, and Big Bear kissed it better...
Six-year-old: Well, shit happens.

Sydney
Australia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Translation: I Hate Anybody Smarter Than Me

Dude: I have lots of friends in anarchist groups.
Chick: Doesn't an organized group of anarchists kind of defeat the purpose?
Dude: ... You're gay!

High school classroom
Englewood, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In Totally Unrelated News, Party at My House Tonight

Professor: It's like giving kids gateway drugs, but for the greater good.

Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Question Was, "Can You Make a Living from Psychoanalysis?"

Guest professor on psychoanalysis, responding to student question: It will be like... Shit equals penis equals money.

Graduate Literature Theory class
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: I heart grad school

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Whatever Would Assure You I'm Not a Stalker

Girl on date: That's what I don't understand about dating -- if I really like someone, I'm not going to wait to call them. Like, I would totally call you tomorrow.
Boy on date: [Silence.]
Girl on date: Or, you know, whenever...

Salt Lake City, Utah

Overheard by: Andrea P.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Why Everybody Is on the Phone All the Time

Chick #1: Sometimes when I call a lot of people in a row and no one answers, I wonder if I could be dead and just not know it.
Chick #2: Well, it does happen...

Lafayette, Louisiana

Overheard by: Stephanie

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Or Send Him to Sleepaway Camp

Middle-aged guy #1: So, Hulk Hogan's daughter was what -- 16 when that show started? Now she must be 19, and she's dating a 30-year-old?
Middle-aged guy #2: If you're old enough to drive when you're 16 and you're old enough to die for your country when you're 18, then you're old enough to make your own decisions.
Middle-aged guy #1: You know, half of those kids that died in World War II never got to experience life as we know it. They were all probably 17-year-old virgins from Iowa.
Middle-aged guy #2: Shit, if I had a kid, I'd take him to a whorehouse in Texas as soon as he turned thirteen.

18 bus
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Are you experience?

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Even Made-Up Countries, Like Norway.

Teen girl: I don't know -- it just seems like everyone's in the Olympics now.

Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia

Overheard by: snooper

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And the Republican National Convention Is No Exception

Cop: It's not a party 'til the shirts come off.

Hilton Hotel
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Neon

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You're a Very Smart and Talented Individual.

Hot nerd chick: So, I didn't sleep with him. He was just too attractive -- I'd feel self-conscious.
Friend: But hot girls sleep with ugly guys all the time! It's your duty to even the score.
Hot nerd chick: Yeah... Wait, you think I'm ugly?

Joplin, Missouri

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

What Does It Take to Get Kids to Eat Vegetables Nowadays?

Man on cell: Maybe if I painted it white and drew a filter on it, she'd let me put it in her mouth.

Leavenworth, Kansas

Overheard by: Mark Smith

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Things Are Very Different in California

Sobbing child: It's not fair! That's mine!
Little bully: So what? Don't cry about it. You're being so dumb.
Sobbing child: I'm upset! It's okay for me to cry sometimes!

Preschool
Santa Barbara, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You Certainly Could...

Chick #1: But you know, a lot of the things written in the Bible did come true.
Chick #2: Oh, that's a bullshit argument: I can say that Nosferatu's prophecies also came true!

The Laughing Goat
Boulder, Colorado

Overheard by: the french Draculla

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Resist, Brothers, with Your Last Bit of Strength!

Kid: Reading isn't natural.

Taco Del Mar
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: with a friend, listening to her kid talk with another kid

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

"... And I Think My Back Is Broken"

Freshman girl: I guess I always thought the perfect man would just fall from the sky and say, 'Hi, I'm your husband!'

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: the jankster

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Nothing's More American Than a Faulty Syllogism

Guy: No one in America uses pennies anymore!
Girl: I use pennies...
Guy: Then you're not American!

Cornell University
Ithaca, New York

Overheard by: nicklesg

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In My Hummer

Bartender: I can't believe she rides her bike to work.
Waitress: Well, she lives just around the corner.
Bartender: I don't care. If I lived in the parking lot, I would still drive to work.

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