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This Must Be How Men Feel About Vaginas
Short, round, drunk girl with British accent: I have to pee! I just hate walking by all these apartments knowing they all have working toilets!
Manhattan, New York
That's What He Calls His Penis.
Man at urinal, peeing, to no one in particular: This toilet smells like my sadness.
Bar
London
England
Overheard by: Dirty PJ
Categories: England | Guys | Pee | Philosophy | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I Just Need to Wring the Vomit Out Of My Shirt, and We Can Go Again
Girl getting off Supreme Scream, to no one in particular: I did it! (lowers voice) And I didn't pee!
Knott's Berry Farm
California
Categories: California | Character | Feelings | Girls | Pee | Posted 2011-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Why Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton Dueled
Bro #1: So, how did the fight start?
Bro #2: Who knows, something about some guy's girlfriend getting pissed on.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: looks like R. Kelly is making his rounds.
Categories: Frat boy types | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Questions | Violence | Posted 2011-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Was Your Mother's Day, Philadelphia?
Guys on bench to kid on phone: No, we're not gonna pee on you, we're just gonna give you a shower!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Guys | Pee | Pennsylvania | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seems to Be a Common Theme
Girl to friend, while going to the bathroom: During that time of the month, I pee out of my butthole.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: weird, I normally just sneeze out of my eyes
Categories: Ass | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lucky!
Girl #1: Hey, are you going to use the bathroom?
Girl #2: Oh, no... I have a urinary tract infection, so I can't pee.
Loyola University
Chicago, Illinois
It Was, Like, a Religious Experience
Very drunk girl, loudly and excitedly: That was the longest pee I ever did! Like seriously, I went into the bathroom and started peeing. Gavin came in, washed his hands, then left, and I was still peeing!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Mandy
Categories: Canadia | Drunks | Pee | Stupidity | Time Management | Posted 2011-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Which Point You're Supposed to Make a Wish
Thug in shadows: But when you pee on a rock it bounces back at you!
Ridgewood, New Jersey
I Poop in Little Rock, Arkansas.
Tough guy at urinal: So you live around here?
Tough guy at different urinal: Nope, just pee here.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: Cameron
Ad: Kathleen Turner Is... Bendy Vadge, P.I.!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy on train: Dude, I totally saw Melissa pee standing up before.
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: That is impossible! Seriously, that doesn't even make any sense! You'd get piss all over your leg!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: No way, I saw her just take one leg out of her pants and prop it up against a tree, and it just shot down! She didn't get any anywhere!
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: Do you even understand female anatomy?! It doesn't work the same way as you! We can't do that! Melissa didn't do that!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: Dude, if you can't pee standing up, then you've just got a bendy vag.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Wizzbiff
Categories: Body parts | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Illinois | Pee | Stoners | Train | Vagina | Posted 2010-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Twins!
Voice #1: I'm in the wrong bathroom!
Voice #2: I'm in the wrong bathroom, too!
Airport
Minnesota
...And No Sharesies!
Guy walking into bathroom: Hey, is that your beer on top of that urinal?
Guy using urinal: You know it!
Prince Edward Tavern
Hamilton
Canadia
Overheard by: M@
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Pee | Questions | Restroom | Posted 2010-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yet You Won't Swallow Your Husband's Semen?
Middle-aged woman with dog: Oh, she peed on my foot. That's your pee. That's your love juice. Did you put your love juice on me? You gave me your love juice.
Woman's friend: It's on your shirt now.
Middle-aged woman: Oh, she pissed on my shirt? It's okay, it's just love juice. Come here, stinks. Come here, stinky. It's just pee. Come, gimme kisses, stink-stink.
Woman's friend: Here, maybe you should let me hold her.
Middle-aged woman, hissing: Get away from my stinky! She gave me her love juice, not you.
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Pips
Categories: Animals | Body parts | California | Feelings | Friends | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Pee | Questions | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2010-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With Each Revelation, the Female Mystery Only Deepens
Blind old lady to old lady friend: Oh my, you started peeing so fast.
Old lady friend: Yes, it's because I stand up.
Blind old lady: Ohhhh...
Old lady friend: Yes, not a lot of women know how to stand up, you know.
Blind old lady: Yes, that's true. My mother used to stand.
CSULA Women's Bathroom
California
Overheard by: itshahaholly
Categories: California | Disabled | Friends | Gender issues | Old folks | Parenting | Pee | Restroom | Posted 2010-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then I Sniff It and I'm Like, "Ooo, Beer!"
Tiny pregnant girl to friend: He has this mattress that has pee stains all over it, and he keeps blaming it on the dog! I'm like, "yeah, right!"
Target
York, Pennsylvania
I'm Glad You Recognize It As an Inevitability
Wife: Would you still love me if I peed my pants?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: Would you still love me if I shit my pants?
Husband: We'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Nashville, Tennessee
Have You Learned So Little from The Sweetest Thing?
Teen girl in bathroom #1: I'd hate to be a guy and have to use a urinal.
Teen girl in bathroom #2: Oh yeah, that thing looks unsanitary.
Teen girl in bathroom #1: Not even that, but like if you had to go poop then everyone would know it.
Teen girl in bathroom #3: You can't poop in a urinal?
High School
Coral Springs, Florida
Categories: Compare and contrast | Florida | Gender issues | Pee | Poop | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2010-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Deejays Moonlight
Big black woman acting as bathroom attendant: Welcome, beautiful ladies, to the best urination station in the nation! A big pee at the Big E! Stall 5 is open! Okay, we've got a full house, so I wanna hear some flushin'! Ma'am, go to numba 2, let it flow through! Pee as comfortably as you can, cause we all know this place was built by a man! The stalls are too small, haha!
Bathroom, Big E Fairgrounds
Springfield, Massachusetts
Categories: Black people | Gender issues | Massachusetts | Pee | Restroom | Posted 2010-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's for Church
Four-year-old boy to group of mothers: Guess what!
Group: What?
Four-year-old boy, excited: I just peed standing up!
Boy's father: That's not something we tell people!
Children's Room, Katonah Library
Katonah, New York
Overheard by: amused librarian
Wouldn't Going Potty First Be Most Important?
Mother in bathroom stall to small child: We can go soon, but first mommy has to go potty, then put her pants back on. Put her pants back on... That's the most important thing.
Puyallup, Washington
Overheard by: in the next stall...
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pee | Undies | Washington | Posted 2010-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I Smell Like Paris Hilton!
Girlfriend to boyfriend, after emerging from bathroom: Hahaha! I peed on my hands!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that's disgusting. Really.
Categories: Couples | Hands | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Restroom | Posted 2010-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess It's Montessori School for You Then
Dad, changing son's diaper: Why don't you want to wear a diaper? You want to run around naked and piss and poop all over the floor?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: What are you, an anarchist?
New Jersey
Plus, I Learned to Use a Urinal
Barely legal drunk blonde: Oh my god, I just walked into the guys' washroom. There were guys at the urinals!
Barely legal drunk brunette: It's okay, you were just breaking down gender dichotomies.
Karaoke Bar
Canadia
Overheard by: Tiffany
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bimbettes | Canadia | Drunks | Gender issues | Pee | Sexuality | Posted 2009-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Awfully Peesnickety
Drunk guy: I'm so happy I'm a guy. I don't have to wipe after I pee.
Tipsy girl: You should really wipe if you want Lisa* to suck your dick.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: BJs | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Pee | Penis | Sexuality | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What Your Novel's About?
Man eating with his family: So when she took her home pregnancy test, she accidentally peed all over the counter. When he confronted her, she lied about it, and also told him she wasn't pregnant. But then my sister told him that she was actually pregnant.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: just trying to enjoy my meat scrambler
We Warned You About Drinking from the Open Bottles
NYU guy in audience during group skits: PBR doesn't taste as good on a Sunday morning as it did last night at the party.
NYU girl in audience during group skits: Yeah, I'm like, "someone might as well just piss in my mouth instead."
Rock Hill, New York
Overheard by: I think I'll still go with the PBR
Don't Knock New York Apartments 'Til You've Tried Them
Girl: The toilet was in the living room.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: James
Categories: Girls | Massachusetts | Pee | Poop | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Parents Are Native American. What's It to You?
Drunk guy, walking into bathroom: Hey, you are at my pisser!
Sober guy at urinal: I didn't realize your name was "push to flush."
Bar
Michigan
Overheard by: I wasn't looking
Which Is Why I Had You Guys Do Those Practice Drills Earlier
Volunteer director to group of teenage volunteers: Now, ya gotta be careful or the tractor tires will catch on fire.
Teenage volunteers: (incredulous laughter)
Volunteer director: No, seriously! Last year they caught on fire and I totally had to pee on them!
Sonoma County, California
Overheard by: where was I last year?!
I Swear I Was Aiming for the Bed.
Hungover guy: Yeah man, so it was all good until I got so drunk that I pissed in my oven.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: hah!
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Damsel in Distress Can Count on a Guy Peeing on Her
Teen girl #1: I wish a jellyfish would sting me so some handsome guy would run along the beach, whip out his dick and pee on me.
Teen girl #2: What?
Teen girl #1: To neutralize the sting, dumbass.
Teen girl #2: I know that. But still: what?
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
That's the Answer to "Why Do You Want This Job"?
Kid with eyebrow piercing: I remember when I was a little kid, every time I would wet the bed I'd dream I was Aladdin swimming through a warm creek.
Cedar Springs, Michigan
Overheard by: Ron Wheaton
Categories: Guys | Kids | Memory lane | Michigan | Pee | Posted 2009-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What?? It's Not Like I Told Them About Your Giant, Hammy Thighs.
Little girl in next stall: But what if Old Faithful starts going while we're not out there?
Girl's mother: Well, you'll have to pee really quickly so mommy can pee and then we can go.
Little girl: But you take a long time to pee.
Mother: Yes, I know.
(pause)
Little girl: You take a long time to pee.
Mother: Well, thank you for announcing that to the entire bathroom.
Restroom, Old Faithful Inn
Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming
Categories: Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pee | Restroom | Should have used a condom | Time Management | Wyoming | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No One in Paris Ever Pees on Walls or Sits on Steps
Enraged Frenchman to woman and son who is discreetly peeing on wall: What is wrong with you? Find a bathroom, this is a business! (starts walking away and then comes to a woman and her teenage daughter sitting on steps) And you two, get out! What are you, from the mountains? (to himself, walking away) Oh my god! I don't believe this!
Fira
Santorini
Greece
...Just on That Lady's Shoes.
Overexcited boy in cafe: Mum, mum, mum! Can I play with my new toy? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Disinterested mum: Sure.
Overexcited boy, holding toy: Look! I'm holding my winkle. And I'm peeing. I'm peeing all over the drinks. There's wee everywhere!
Disinterested mum: No, there isn't.
Kingston-Upon-Thames
England
Overheard by: Ben
Categories: Drinking & drunks | England | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Pee | Should have used a condom | Toys | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Website?
Girl pointing at caterpillar on floor: Oh my god! What is that?
Friend: Ew, it's a caterpillar!
Girl: It just crawled out of me!
Friend: What?
Girl: Well she was just telling me that there are fish that crawl up your va-j-j if you pee in the lake!
Friend: That's only for guys. And in the Amazon!
Redding, California
Categories: Animals | California | Fears | Friends | Girls | Insects | Pee | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Craig Kilborn Lends Name to Chewable Prozac.
Little boy in handicapped stall: I like you... I like you, Craig... You relax me.
Ladies Room, Barnes & Noble
Saugus, Massachusetts
...Just Like the Magician Did Yesterday
Three-year-old girl, emerging from woods near campsite: Mommy, there are sticks in my pee hole.
Mommy: That's okay honey, just pull them out.
Kalalau Valley
Kauai, Hawaii
...as Salad Dressing.
Creepy mustached dude: Yep, so that's nine weeks of good urine testing. And about four weeks ago, I started using my own.
Dunkin' Donuts
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: All I wanted was a coffee
Categories: Connecticut | Creepsters | Health & Hygiene | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lest a Fire Hose Become Your Bidet
T conductor, over loudspeaker: Sir! The world is not your toilet!
Park St. Station
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Conductors | Massachusetts | Pee | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
By the Time It Was Over, I'd Broken All Ten Commandments
Blonde 20-something to sister: This morning I was rinsing my mouth with mouthwash and also peeing, and then I realized I had to sneeze and I was like, "uh oh...this can only end poorly" ...because I was kind of stuck.
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Cleanliness | Health & Hygiene | Mouth | Pee | Sensory experiences | Siblings | Washington | Posted 2009-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Piss Christ Comes to Dallas
Man #1: Hey, are those bathrooms?
Man #2: No...that's art.
Discovery Green Park
Houston, Texas
She's Always Regretted Not Attending Finishing School
Girl #1: Wait, your mom is 50?
Girl #2: No, she just pees a lot.
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Aubree
Categories: Age and ageing | Family ties | Girls | Pee | Questions | South Carolina | Posted 2009-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Etymology Lesson You'll Wish You Never Had
Effeminate boy #1: And he said "my penis is so big I can't control it."
Effeminate boy #2: Oh, god. Really?
Effeminate boy #1: Yes, his mother uses really scientific terminology.
Effeminate boy #2: Oh. Oh, I see.
Effeminate boy #1: Mhmm. Well, he's only four, too. He's already peed on himself because as he says "it's not long enough go down." I just call it a pee-pee. That's where the word "pee" comes from. Mmhmm.
Effeminate boy #2: Really! Huh!
Friendship Heights
Washington, DC
Overheard by: aimc
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Pee | Penis | Queers | Science | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Nothing Else, Straight Dudes Know How to Potty.
Angry guy: No! We're going to go to the fucking pisser, and then we're going to leave!
(both start towards the bathroom).
Friend: Wait, I don't have to piss, why am I coming with you?
Angry guy: Fuck you, man!
Friend: Seriously, why do you fucking need my help?
Medford, Oregon
But Now I Understand Why Your Pants Are Always Wet
Tall balding guy: You know how you can eat so much and be so full that when you take a piss you can't even see your dick?
Friend: No.
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: could not stop laughing
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Friends | Guys | Pee | Penis | Questions | South Carolina | Posted 2009-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So There Goes My Weight-Loss Plan
Girl: I almost failed my drug test because I couldn't pee in front of the lady. I guess I can never go to prison.
Chico, California
Overheard by: KJ
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Girls | Pee | Posted 2009-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Contemporary Odd Couple Doesn't Hold a Candle to the Original
20-something guy #1: So you don't have to pee?
20-something guy #2: No man, never. It's fucking weird.
20-something guy #1: Yeah, I have to pee like, every hour. (both laugh)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
For the Low, Low Introductory Fee Of Only $9.95
Woman on cell outside Target store: And then he'll pee on your face!
San Jose, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Default | Pee | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Urinetown: The Musical in a Nutshell
Boy to friends: C'mon, we're going to watch Johnny pee!
New Jersey
Overheard by: CS
Categories: Default | Guys | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing Says Spring Like the Scent Of Ice Cream and Urine
Small boy with ice cream cone, trying to get mom's attention: I peed my pants! I peed my pants! Mommy, listen to me, I peed my pants!
Mom, deadpan: I bet that's real uncomfortable for you.
Dad to son: When we get home we are just gonna have to hose you down.
Son to dad: Oh yeah, make me lay on the yard and then spray the hose on me, and on my penis, and down my pants on my penis!
Boy's brother, from minivan: Ew! You can spell the pee!
Bucks County, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: free birth control
There Are Entire Websites Devoted to That Sort Of Thing, Sweetie.
Three-year-old daughter, pointing at huge woman: Dada, she has a big booty.
Father: Sweetie, you don't want to talk about other people's booties.
Three-year-old daughter: But dada, she couldn't sit on our toilet. It is too small for her.
Father: Okay. (hurriedly moves out of the aisle)
Three-year-old daughter: Her booty is too big for pee and poop to come out. She makes a big mess and gets it all over! (father starts pushing faster)
Supermarket
Quincy, Massachusetts
Just When You Were Starting to Miss College...
Random guy at party: I can't believe I almost peed on that girl's face.
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Then You Hunker Down in the Library and Study for Finals
Male student in campus center: So once you put on the wetsuit, you pee all over yourself. Then you're warm for the whole time!
Princeton University
New Jersey
Overheard by: excuse me?
Categories: Advice | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | New Jersey | Pee | Students | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Line Up!
Professor: Someone is going to take their pee and throw it at you. Yes. It is going to happen.
Parkside, Wisconsin
Yeah, I've Been Making Guacamole All Night Long
Hungover conference attendee: Ugh, it's early.
Appalled conference attendee, scooting chair away: You smell like a dead hooker covered in alcoholic bum piss. And avocado.
Conference Center
Las Vegas, Nevada
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Drinking & drunks | Nevada | Pee | People | Time Management | Posted 2009-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Lake's Still Frozen
Chick: The peeing politician doesn't float my boat.
Michigan
Overheard by: Meister E
It's Time My Penis Had a Break
Very drunk girl: I'm going to go pee with my vagina.
Venice, Florida
That Rug Really Ties the Room Together
Girl student: So, the Federal Government is like, a puppy, like (giggle) they're so cute... And like, you want to just cuddle them, then they're naughty and it's bad.
Teacher: Kelly, could you please explain a bit more? I'm not getting your reasoning here.
Girl student: Well...they do good things, and it's cute, then they like pee on your rug, and it's bad.
Teacher: I promise you, the next time a member of the Federal Government pees on my rug, I will go bonkers.
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: Tizri
Gives the TAs a Nice Change from the Shit They Have to Deal with
Girl in math class: I mean, seriously. I've been pissing all over these quizzes lately.
Friend: I know, right? Me too.
Michigan State University
If Not, a Dramatic Re-enactment Will Suffice
Male student: So after leaving my mom a note explaining I was going to New York, my friend and I just drove there. We saw a hobo pee in a cup then dump it out!
Female student: Sweet! Can I see?
Bus, University of Michigan
The Perversion That's Sweeping the Nation!
Teen goth boy #1: Dude! That girl is so hot.
Teen goth boy #2: I know!I would so totally pee in her butthole.
Oak Park Mall, Kansas
Another Bloody Victory
Tall girl: Hurry up, I really have to pee.
Short girl in heels: Yeah, well, I'm about to hemorrhage through my skirt, so I win.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Remember When I Did That at My Son's Bar Mitzvah?
Woman, urinating and talking to friend in next stall: I was holding my piss in for so long, my Kegel muscles could choke a chicken!
Memorial Hall
Monson, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Birds | Body parts | Default | Massachusetts | Names | Pee | Women | Posted 2009-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can I Still Have My Period on Your Face?
Girlfriend to boyfriend: So should I stop peeing in front of you ?
Boyfriend to girlfriend: No, I don't mind. I don't care...just don't let me see you poop, that's just too fucking weird.
Michigan
Overheard by: da da
Survivor Finally Jumps the Shark.
Indie girl to friend: And then, as revenge, Jess urinated in her Nutella jar.
Train
Wollongong
Australia
Wouldn't Want People to Think I'm Less Than a Lady
20-year-old female emo: So basically, after hours of arguing outside his house, I was so fed up I told him to fucking suck my dick.
30-year-old female friend: Wow, what happened after that?
20-year-old female emo: I left. He was being such a fucking cunt. I wanted to piss in his mouth. He made me drive home drunk!
30-year-old female friend: He could at least offer to like, let you spend the night.
20-year-old female friend: Like, I don't even know, he's such a bitch boyfriend. I honestly hopes he gets the herpes.
30-year-old female friend: You have such a dirty mouth.
20-year-old female emo: Oh, is my lipstick smudged or something?
Starbucks
San Francisco, California
Categories: California | Default | Friends | Girls | Maladies | Pee | Penis | Questions | Relationships | Restaurants | Sex | Wishes | Posted 2009-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Brenda's Quest Continued
20-something girl: When you go pee first thing in the morning, do you ever make a bunch of noises and you're not sure if they 're coming from your hoo-haw or your ass?
Friend: Umm...no.
20-something girl: Yeah, me neither.
University of Missouri
Columbia, Missouri
Why Synonyms Were Invented
Crazy lady, noticing long line: Is this the line to urinate? I can not believe this is the urination line. Unbelievable! I can't wait this long to urinate. There is no way. I have kidney problems. I need to urinate now. I don't wanna cut in line. I'll just go in the men's room. (as she enters men's room) I am a woman coming in here. I can not wait in a long line to urinate.
(a few minutes later, to women in line, while coming out) See! Your line hasn't even moved!
Hamilton Mall, New Jersey
Overheard by: last in line
Categories: Body parts | Crazies | Default | Malls | New Jersey | Pee | Questions | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Be Fair, No One's First Job Interview Goes Well
Man in bathroom on cell: Hang on a sec, I am going someplace quieter. (a few seconds later) Damn, hang on. I just peed on my hand.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: did they know you were in the bathroom? Ewww.
Categories: Default | Guys | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes Over the Intercom at Work, Just for Fun, But That's It.
Girl in skirt: And so she was just sitting in the stall on her phone when I went in! She was having a normal volume conversation.
Girl in pants: Ewww. What did you do?
Girl in skirt: I mean, I peed. But reluctantly. It's not like I want to broadcast my bodily functions to everyone, you know? (pause) I mean I'm broadcasting them to you right now, but not over the phone.
Girl in pants: Right. Totally.
Rockville Pike, Maryland
I'm Like, "Look at All These Dishes-- What's Your Problem?"
Drunk 40-year-old dude #1, standing in line for the bathroom: Well, there are four sinks. We only need two with the number of people I've seen wash their hands.
Drunk 40-year-old dude #2: Yeah. There was this one time I was peeing in the sink at home, and my wife walked in. She was pissed. Good times.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: slight overshare
Categories: Default | Feelings | Guys | Memory lane | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Relationships | Restroom | Posted 2008-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Woman With a Full Bladder Stops Believing in Multitasking
(in the ladies' restroom, after seeing camera flash from inside a stall)
Angry blonde in line: Oh, come on! There's a whole line of people out here who have to pee, and you twits are in there taking fucking pictures for your damn MySpace pages.
Two girls in one stall: We're just peeing.
Angry blonde, to no one in particular: Who the hell takes pictures of themselves on the damn toilet anyway? I can just see the caption on that one... "Night at Zen, usin' the potty." Jeez!
(the two girls come out of the stall, obviously offended...in full 80s garb).
Angry blonde: Bwaaahhhaaaaa hhhaaaa hhhaaaa, (deadpan) Fucking losers!
Zen Night Club
Addison, Texas
Overheard by: If she hadn't said it, I would have
So You Like Admit Shooting the Sheriff, but Deny You Shot the Deputy?
High school football player #1: I'll be watching you guys from the stands today.
High school football player #2: What? Why? Did you get suspended?
High school football player #1: Yeah.
High school football player #2: Why?
High school football player #1: Cause of what I said. But I didn't pee in any helmets.
Langhorne, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Tom
She Has to Pee Sometime While She's in There Looking for Her Career
College girl: If anyone ever tried to tell me not to pee outside, I'd take it straight to the Supreme Court! I mean, I'm not gonna pee in someone's face or on a baby or anything, but if I wanna pee in a dumpster, then I will! (pause) Rosie O'Donnell would be with me on this. I don't know why, but she would.
East Lansing
Michigan
Overheard by: Everyone should have a cause...
Categories: About celebrities | Crimes | Default | Girls | Michigan | Pee | Sorority types | Posted 2008-10-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Brenda's Expecting a Wee One
Girl sitting at desk: I've got to pee. I've got to pee. Urine needs to come out of my uterus.
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: LC
For Every World-Class Canadian Beer, There Are Hundreds of Failures
Dude #1: I think there's piss in my mouth...
Dude #2: Yeah man, that's piss-mouth, it happens.
Pemberton, BC
Canadia
Overheard by: Ben
You've Foiled Me for the Last Time, Levi Strauss!
Very loud drunk guy, standing at a urinal while he tries to open his zipper: How the fuck do they do this?
Las Vegas, Nevada
Just Obeying That Big "P" Sign Over There
Guy #1: You smell like urine.
Guy #2: Good!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: time for a shower?
Categories: Default | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Queers | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Always Pee in Your Pants, Grandpa!
Man: You're going to need to empty your bladder.
Little girl (in squeaky high voice): I don't wanna empty my bladder!
Man (unashamedly loud): You'll need to empty your bladder before you get on the plane!
Little girl: Not fair!
St. Paul Airport
Minneapolis
Categories: Airports & flights | Body parts | Default | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Minnesota | Offers and requests | Pee | Words | Posted 2008-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Last Time We Party with the Dean
Frat boy to friends: So, I look at him and think, "I'm not such a good friend that I'm gonna help him here." He was halfway off his air mattress and his tighty whities were soaked with either sweat or urine
Friend #1: I'd have kept away too. I hope it was sweat.
Friend #2: Nah, dude. He's a pisser.
Brown Line Train
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Jim
Categories: Body parts | Default | Frat boy types | Friends | Illinois | Pee | Train | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Stop Shimmying Up That Pole
Mom in bathroom stall: Okay Michael, come on, you have to pee.
Son: Mom, I don't wanna play games with you!
Mom: What is wrong with you? At least put your clothes back on if you're not going to pee!
Tempe, Arizona
People With No Boundaries Aren't Quite Sure When They're Having Sex
Girl in stall (yelling on cell): Oh, my god. Do you really have herpes? That's contagious, right? Should I get tested?
(flush of toilet)
Friend's voice on speakerphone: Am I on speakerphone in the bathroom?
Girl in stall: Yeah, I'm just peeing. So should I get tested?
Friend: I'm not talking about this on speakerphone.
Girl in stall: Okay, it's off... Oh, so you can only get herpes through sex?
Public Bathroom
Kent State University, Ohio
Overheard by: Laureen
I Wish They All Could Be California Girls
Girl suit (walking by a fancy art studio pointing at the concrete): Oh my god! That's totally where Ashley peed on Saturday night!
Friend: We didn't even walk down this street!
Girl suit: Yes we did! Because that's the trash can you were passed out over, this is the corner where I ditched you.
7th & J
San Diego, California
The Oft-Forgotten Second Lyric to "Do You Hear What I Hear?"
Drunk girl: I hear Michael Caine peeing!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: About celebrities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Illinois | Pee | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Later Hired As My Nanny
Receptionist to executive assistant: ...so in conclusion, I got peed on...by a taxi driver...who I dated.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Coworkers | Default | Employees | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hmm, Yeah-- Maybe We Shouldn't Write Our Own Vows
Male student: This one time I pissed in a trash bag, and I stuck my head in there just to see how bad it would smell.
Female student: What?
Male student: It was so hot and I was like sweating.
Springside School/Chestnut Hill Academy
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: spectaculore
Categories: Default | Pee | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Okay, Now You're Just Doing It on Purpose
Mother in bathroom stall with four-year-old son: No, no, you're peeing on mommy. Aim lower! Aim lower!
Chili's
Augusta, Georgia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Georgia | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Pee | Posted 2008-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Barkeep, Another Hot Toddy for My Toddler!
Hipster girl: I know a couple people who have to wear diapers when they drink!
Old Tavern Bar & Grill
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: kat
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Drinking & drunks | Hipsters | Pee | Restaurants | Posted 2008-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ooo, What About an Intravenous Drip Filled with Cosmo?
Girl #1: I am so excited for the Sex and the City movie!
Girl #2: Me too! We should go out for drinks before the movie. Not too many cuz then we will have to take potty brakes during the movie and I don't want to miss anything!
Girl #1: Oh, good call, maybe we should wear diapers. I would totally wear a diaper for this movie!
Girl #2: Totally!
Peoria, Illinois
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Illinois | Movies | Offers and requests | Pee | Stupidity | Posted 2008-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hard for Girls to Compete With That
Gross girl: Well, that girl's bathroom wasn't that bad.
Grosser guy: Well, the flies come to the men's because they like the pee pee floor. Mmmhmm.
Metro Red Line
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Girls | Guys | Insects | Pee | Public transportation | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Preschool-Level Sex Ed Only Leads to Confusion
Mom standing outside of bathroom stall: Honey, hurry up, there is a line waiting.
Four-year-old girl: I can't, my body requires me to go slow.
Capitol Building Bathroom
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Moms | Pee | Poop | Restroom | Washington | Posted 2008-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Mean Conductors Are Like This Everywhere?
Train conductor: Thank you for traveling on this 3:30 service to Southern Cross. If you need to use the toilet, they are located at the end of each carriage for your convenience. Please remember to both close and lock the door, which will save you from embarrassment and other passengers from blindness.
Train Service to Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Meg
Categories: Australia | Conductors | Default | Offers and requests | Pee | Poop | Train | Posted 2008-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Theme Parks Are Quite Different in Europe
Loud, fat american teen: I have to take the biggest leak ever. Pause. And then I want to check out those hedgehogs.
Market in Freiburg, Germany
I Believe They Have That Color
Six-year-old: Piss piss pissy piss piss.
Unconcerned mother: Oh, look here's the Crayola aisle!
Michael's
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Even If He Does Host The O'Reilly Factor
Girl to friends: I'm 31 years old, for Christ's sake. My mom doesn't get it. I'm too fucking old to get excited about some guy that pisses himself, calls me up and acts like it's a fucking achievement.
Bar
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Family ties | Georgia | Girls | Gripes | Pee | Posted 2008-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Reject Gender Stratification
Five-year boy in front of a door: (frantically) Which one? I have to go!
Exasperated mother: The men's room.
Little boy: Which one?!
Mother: That one (points) and that's why you need to learn to read.
Barnes & Noble
Cary, North Carolina
Did That Come Out Of Me?
Woman in bathroom stall, on cell : ... That's just how it is... No, that's my pee you're hearing... Anyways, what did she say? Wait a second, I have to wipe...
Spokane Airport
Spokane, Washington
Overheard by: wish i had held it...
Categories: Airports & flights | Etiquette | On the phone | Pee | Sensory experiences | Washington | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2008-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Could Be Related to the Drinking, But I'll Need to Do More Empirical Tests
Dude #1: Man, I got so drunk on Saturday.
Dude #2: Did you pee your pants again?
Dude #1: No. [Dude #2 stares at him.] ... Yes.
Dude #2: What's wrong with you?
Dude #1: I don't know.
Lake View Terrace, California
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Zeus Was Quite the Problem Child
Little boy #1: [Makes peeing sound, pretends to pee.]
Little boy #2: That's nothing! Feel the wrath of my penis!!
Macy's in Fashion Square Mall
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Florida | Friends | Guys | Kids | Malls | Pee | Penis | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Been Disgruntled Ever Since Discovering I'm a Bottom.
Fat guy: Sorry I'm late. Mr. Sphincter isn't being very co-operative today.
Nova Cafe
Dunedin
New Zealand
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Etiquette | Euphemisms | Fat people | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Zealand | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, I Told Her Not to Touch the Stream!
Little girl running back from bathroom with her father: Mommy, I got pee on my finger!
Perkins restaurant
Erie, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Girls | Gripes | Kids | Kids | Pee | Pennsylvania | Restaurants | Posted 2008-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... And I Love It!
Exasperated youth, holding water bottle: There's dinosaur piss in everything!
Tallahassee, Florida
Like on My Website
Asian chick: Oh my god, this huge, fat-ass raindrop just fell on my head.
Friend: You're a huge, fat-ass raindrop! You're such a fat-ass raindrop, you make people over-hydrated!
Asian chick, shocked: There's no such thing as over-hydrated! You just pee a lot!
Muirlands Middle School
La Jolla, California
Categories: Asians | California | Pee | Stupidity | Posted 2008-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Hamptons, That's a Marriage Proposal
Guy from inside Port-A-Potty: Oh, shit, I just dropped my BlackBerry in there!
Friend: Oh, man, what are you gonna do?!
Guy: Well, somebody's got to stick their hand in there!
Dude waiting in line: I think I'll use the other one. I don't want to be the first person to piss on your BlackBerry.
Rock the Farm Benefit
East Hampton, New York
... Or Saw Me?
College girl to her family: ... And this is where I peed last night!
Security guard: [Applauds.]
College girl: You think he heard me?
French Quarter
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Security Guard
Which Is What You Get for Forcing a Dog into a Tutu
Teen girl: Yeah... But, I mean, he peed on her! He lifted up his skirt and peed on her!
Hinsdale Central High School
Hinsdale, Illinois
Overheard by: Christina Newkirk
Shark: Hello, Sailors!
Dude: Hey, let's go find a shark and piss on it!
Navy Pier
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Sean
And Now It's Dying
Toddler in stroller: I need to pee!
Mom: We just peed on the tree.
Davis, California
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Pee | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's the Scientific Name for That?
Girl #1: Oh my god, I just peed for, like, a hundred years.
Girl #2: Do you ever get scared that the toilet bowl will fill up and the water will touch your bum?
Girl #1: Yes.
Girl #2: Oh my god, me too.
Ladies' room, Fenway-area bar
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Chicks | Massachusetts | Pee | Posted 2007-11-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Where Were You at Ten O'Clock Last Night?
Philosophy professor: After all, is it okay to go pee out in the open in a public place like a park?
Girl: Wait, well... Like, when?
Boston College
Massachusetts
Categories: Bimbettes | Massachusetts | Pee | Teachers | Posted 2007-11-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Try Pissing Up a Rope, Then
Four-year-old boy: But Mommy, I don't need gravity! I just had to pee!
New Jersey
Categories: Kids | New Jersey | Pee | Posted 2007-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Kinda Shake Myself Like a Wet Dog
Little girl: Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom!
Mom: Okay, well, I don't think there is any toilet paper. You'll have to drip-dry.
Little girl: Okay! I love drip-drying!
St. Louis, Missouri
The First Time in a Spotless Twenty Years of Alcohol Abuse
Loud hobo with wet pant leg: I pissed my pants! I got to get home to my wife to show her I pissed my pants! I got to teach my kids how not to piss their pants! I can't believe I pissed my pants!
Washington, DC
Categories: Hobos | Pee | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lindsay Lohan Stars in Yellow Fever
Chick: Oh my god, Marissa! I just met a guy who's looking for a girl to pee on him.
Marissa: I would totally do that!
Chick: I know! That's why I told you.
Marissa: Let's go find him!
Nightlight Lounge
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Chicks | Pee | Washington | Posted 2007-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, Wash the Strawberries Out of Your Panties!
Teen girl #1: When you drink a lot of water your piss get really clear.
Teen girl #2: Nuh-uh! I drink water all the time and my piss is still pink.
Teaneck High School
Teaneck, New Jersey
Overheard by: southernbelle
Categories: New Jersey | Pee | Teens | Posted 2007-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Harsh My Mellow
Woman to herself: I love the smell of the subway!
Passerby: You know it's primarily piss, right?
Consolação subway
São Paulo
Brazil
When the Line Is Really Long
Little girl pointing to handicapped sink: Mommy, do you know what that's for?
Mom: It's a sink for people in wheelchairs, honey.
Little girl: No! It's where boys pee!
Bathroom, JCPenney's
Forest Park, Georgia
Overheard by: Kelly
You'd Be Better Off Addressing Your Bladder
Drunken 50-year-old to his penis: Come on! Pee! Pee until you can't pee no more, bitch.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Hiding Roommate
Categories: Drunks | Massachusetts | Pee | Posted 2007-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Want to Know Where the Dumplings Fit In
Chick #1: I'm telling her the dumpling story.
Chick #2: Which story? Oh, the one about how people get off on being peed on?
Chick #1: What?!
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Chicks | New Jersey | Pee | Posted 2007-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I Know What That Sensation Means
Waitress #1: At least you didn't pee your pants like you did yesterday.
Waitress #2: I know, right?
Steak-n-Shake
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: pee bee
Categories: Ohio | Pee | Restaurants | Servers | Posted 2007-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Asparagus Pee Is Forbidden by the Geneva Convention
Creepy guy: Hey, Joey*.
Joey: Yeah?
Creepy guy: Have you ever put pee in a Super Soaker before?
Joey: Yeah.
Friend: What?
Girl: Ewww.
Friend: What does it feel like if you're sprayed?
Creepy guy, shrugs: Kinda tingles.
Geography class, All Saints High School
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: freshman whisperer
I Fuck Them, Then Piss in Their Beds
Girl: I hated him so much I pissed in his bed.
Guy: What happens if you really like them?
Lincoln Park, Illinois
Overheard by: olly
That's Always One for the Scrapbook
Kid to mom in car with windows up: Mom! I peed outside today! Mom! Did you hear what I said? I peed outside today! [Mom doesn't respond.] Mom! Mom! I peed outside today! I peed outside today!
Mom, opening the door: Shut up and get in the car.
Kindercare, 196th Street
Lynnwood, Washington
Overheard by: snickerpants
Categories: Gossip | Parenting | Pee | Should have used a condom | Washington | Posted 2007-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doctor: Works Every Time
Cheerleader: So, I had this problem with peeing and I visited a doctor.
Friend: What did he say?
Cheerleader: You can't imagine... He wanted to see the effect, so I had to pee in front of him while he's watching me doing it!
Friend: Wow. I would freak out if that happened to me.
Classroom, Montana State University
Bozeman, Montana
Overheard by: Awesome Naveed
Or You Can Take Advantage of This Special TV Offer!
Lady: Our cat used to jump up and pee on the stove. You can only imagine the smell of cooked urine.
Vet's office
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: hortense
Categories: Crazies | Overheard in Philly | Pee | Posted 2007-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spigot
Dude #1: My urine is probably clearer than the water coming out of the shower. My penis is like a Brita, right?
Dude #2: Yeah.
Dude #1: So I'm practically peeing holy water.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Nik
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Frat boy types | New York | Pee | Posted 2007-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken
Five-year-old girl, happily: ... And then I did it! I peed right in my pants!
Mom: Honey, you shouldn't be proud of something like that. You should be embarrassed.
Five-year-old girl, even happier: Oh, okay! I'm embarrassed!
Whole Foods
Hadley, Massachusetts
Overheard by: velvin
Categories: Massachusetts | Moms | Pee | Should have used a condom | Stores | Posted 2007-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No, You Sicko... He Was Just Jerking Off
Panicky chick: Did you make eye contact with a man pissing in an alley?!
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: sarah
Categories: Chicks | Overheard Lines | Pee | Posted 2007-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Only a Hall-of-Famer If You Still Scored
Guy #1: Dude, I'm really embarrassed. Last night I peed in her roommate's closet.
Guy #2: Hall of fame! That's hall of fame material!
Shout-out: overheardatlc.blogspot.com
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Frat boy types | Gossip | Overheard at Loyola | Pee | Posted 2007-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
