Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Parenting All Categories > Topics > Parenting
Recent | Best Of
...I Don't Care If Your Hand Is Stuck in a Mayonnaise Jar!
Jamaican father to crying son: Stop make a big-ass scene like some white boy!
Montreal
Canadia
Bella Has Yet to Date Anyone Who Meets Her Father's Approval
Guy on phone: Hold on a minute, I just have to cut something off my daughter...
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Character | Guys | New Jersey | On the phone | Parenting | Relationships | Posted 2011-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Until You Figure Out Which Wire to Clip, Sweetie.
Mother: Just sit there a minute. I need to go say goodbye to Jamie*.
Three-year-old boy, buckled into stroller, trying to stand: Let me out of this booby trap!
County Fair
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Cat
Mom's Been Running That Con on Dad for Years
Little girl, leaving church: We have to go to bed!
Mom: No, we're going home, and then we're going to eat dinner.
Little girl: And *then* we'll go to bed?
Mom: If you're good.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Hazzenkockle
Here, Try This Adorable Thong.
Mother to child in the girl's clothing aisle: No, you're not wearing a padded bra; you're six!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: me
Categories: Age and ageing | Clothes | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2011-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Takes a Gag Reflex to Raise a Child Never Made It to the Best-Seller List
Flustered mother to screaming toddler: Stop that shouting, or I'll be sick on you!
(toddler shuts up abruptly)
Leeds
England
Overheard by: Magpie
I'll Rescue You, but I'll Also Never Let You Forget It
Young girl from bathroom stall: Mom! There's no toilet paper in here!
Mother: I'd say that represents a failure in planning on your part.
Toronto
Canadia
She's Like, "Eh, I'll Make More"
Girl: I've heard that woman over there is giving away some of her kids.
Campinas
Brazil
Categories: Brazil | Family ties | Girls | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Just Put Monster Beans on Our Shopping List
Little girl: Mommy, can we have the monster beans? Mommy, look, they have monster beans, can we get the monster beans?
Mommy: Honey, I think that is the green giant.
Little girl: ...or monster beans!
Dollar Tree
Nicholasville, Kentucky
Why I Stopped Watching Law & Order: SVU
Mother to son: Don't you talk to me that way! I'll put my finger anywhere I want to!
Turtle Back Zoo
West Orange, New Jersey
Overheard by: lickety-split
Categories: Body parts | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: This Message Brought to You by the Society for the Prevention Of Children
Father, dragging boy for being naughty: I have had enough of this! You're a horrible child!
Son: But I won't do it again, I promise! (cries hysterically)
Father: Yes, you said that 13 times ago, but you still do it! You're a horrible boy, so we're going to disown you.
Son: Nooooo!
Father: Shut up.
Telford
England
Overheard by: nicmunn
You're No Pussy, Dad
Teenage girl to father: I didn't come out of her vagina, okay? I don't have to respect her.
Father: Well, I guess you don't respect me either, cause you didn't come out of my vagina!
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: made my day
We'll Never Forget That.
Mom to little girl: No, we are not getting Eliza* a present. She hasn't given you a present ever since the elephant incident.
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Categories: Animals | California | Memory lane | Moms | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2011-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...If You Ever Want a Seat in the House Of Commons
Exasperated-sounding woman to small child: If you're not gonna cry properly, then don't cry at all.
Shout-out: www.violaraptor.co.uk
Overheard by: Raptor
That's Why I Married Her, Sweetie
Dad, leading three-year-old girl to bathroom: You need to go potty? You can sit on the potty in here.
Three-year-old girl: No, that potty's not for me. That's for mommy. She has a big butt.
Alameda, California
Overheard by: lith
Remember Daddy's Cousin Chuckie?
Four-year-old: I wanna go in there!
Mother: The small mammal house?
Four-year-old, screaming: Small mammals!
Mother: Do you even know what small mammals are?
Four-year-old now, quiet and embarrassed: No.
The National Zoo
Washington, DC
Why Do They Let Great White Sharks Shop Here?
Mum to small son: Stay with mummy or someone might take you.
Son, very excitedly: And eat me?
Target
Australia
Save That for Therapy.
Five-year-old girl to hair brush: Mommy doesn't want me to buy you or to talk to you... That makes me sad.
Embarrassed mom: Come on sweetie, let's go home.
(kid keeps talking to hair brush, mom yanks it away)
Mom, leaving store: Now is not the time to talk to hair brushes!
North Carolina
Overheard by: Wondering why mom was embarrassed
Categories: Education | Feelings | Kids | Mental illnesses | Moms | North Carolina | Parenting | Posted 2011-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight, on the Pilot Episode Of The Golden-Palace Girls...
Woman to ten-year-old son: When I'm old and feeble, will you take me in and take care of me?
Ten-year-old son: No. I'm going to put you in a home with a bunch of Asian people.
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Kids these days.
I'm Beginning to Regret Taking You to Therapy.
Little girl trying on boots: Mom, can I get them?
Mom: Yes, but you have to take them off.
Little girl: Will you help me?
Mom: No, if you don't know how to take your own shoes off by now, I've done something very wrong.
Little girl, in low voice, taking boots off: ...you have.
Target
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Rachel
...Now That the Economy's Picked Up a Little
Mom to well-behaved 18-month-old son: You're about to be on eBay!
Washington, DC
Categories: Moms | Parenting | Shopping | Threats | Washington, DC | Posted 2011-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think I've Seen This Episode Of Roseanne...
Woman entering stall to daughter: See you in an hour. (ten seconds later, from inside stall) You know... People are gross. (another 10 seconds later) Okay, I'm over the toilet!
Daughter: Shhh!
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: L-Dawg
Categories: Health & Hygiene | New York | Parenting | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tragically, Many Kids Don't Recognize a Vegetable When They See One.
Mom, with neck tattoo reading "ape" to toddler daughter picking produce: Put that back. That is not what you think it is.
Wal-Mart
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Kathyp
Lesbian Girl Scouts Are Always Prepared
Woman, trying to hush crying baby: Shhhhh... It's okay.
College girl: Ma'am, I am prepared to set fire to your child.
Parkersburg, West Virginia
We Won't Talk About Liam Ever Again, Okay?
Five-year-old girl: I think we got almost all of the blood out, mommy. You know, Liam's blood? We got almost all of it out of the sheets. That was a lot of blood.
Mom: Yes we did, honey.
Rest Stop,Turnpike South
New Jersey
Overheard by: TM
Categories: Cleanliness | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Returned You, I'd Only Get Store Credit
Mother to crying newborn: Wah, wah, wah! Your life is so hard!
Target
Australia
I Now Teach Courses in It to Other Moms
Kid: Mom... Mom... Mom! You're ignoring me again!
Mom: Yeah, I know. I've sort of learned to tune you out.
Bellingham, Washington
Especially Not About a Peanut Being Neither a Pea Nor a Nut
Six-year-old boy in coffee shop: Mom! I did not come here to talk!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: he's got an agenda
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Language barrier | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2010-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Don't Want to Think Dirty Things About This Quote, But...
Father: What will happen if mommy finds out?
Daughter: Total plutonic reversal.
Father: And?
Daughter: And I won't get any more suckers.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Danzdman
I'm Too Tired to Hold My Sphincters Shut
Girl: We need to go steal more diapers from Target.
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Your Editors Just Googled Up 34,000 Hits for "Weird Insertions"
Mother to small boy: No, it's a courgette, dear. You can't light a fire with courgettes.
Sainsbury's Supermarket
Cardiff
Wales
Overheard by: Gordinho
This Is the Happiest Place on Earth?
Dad sitting on a bench, holding misbehaving son: Well, I guess we are going to have to go then. I was really hoping we could enjoy it here...
Son, at the top of his lungs: Whhhhyyyy are you doing this to me!?
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: Mouse Goer
Categories: Family ties | Offspring | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Tourist attractions | Posted 2010-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But They Have Frosting!
Kid: Dad, can we get Pop-Tarts?
Ponytail dad: No.
Kid: Why?
Ponytail dad: Because they're... disgustingly poisonous!
Carrollton, Georgia
Overheard by: Kez
Um, Isn't That a Burger King Crown?
Drunk aboriginal man to drunk friends: I just got out of jail. My mum's been crying for me, my dog's been praying for me, my uncle Bob's been praying for me, all to get me back to Narrogin. I tell you, I'm the king of that town.
Fremantle
Australia
...Put It Away!
30-something dude: I didn't circumcise my son.
20-something dude #1: Are you circumcised?
20-something dude #2: Woah!
Cincinnati, Ohio
...Brian.
Mother of musical theater fan: Oh, I didn't know Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote that. Well, maybe I did, but you weren't my daughter then.
Canadia
There's Only One Game in Town and It's Rigged, Dude
Young suit to crying baby he's holding at arm's length: You were a terrible investment.
Young woman: Stop saying that!
Young suit: If he doesn't stop crying, I'm literally going to give him to the next person who is willing.
Young woman, taking the baby: He should be crying. You're an idiot!
Young suit: The sale has now become two for one.
Toys R Us
Bear, Delaware
Vlad Has Always Had a Dark Sense Of Humor.
White Russian guy with slight accent: Something tells me my first born won't be white. That something is my penis.
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: The Sauce
Or Whatever This Is in My Eye
16-year-old: Mom, if you don't have herpes, why'd I find Valtrex in your purse?
Mother, seriously: I got Valtrex from the eye doctor for my yeast infection, Kim*.
Illinois
Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | Moms | Parenting | STDs | Teens | Posted 2010-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Unkindest Cold Cut Of All
Young son, after burping loudly: I burped!
Father: Does it smell like baloney?
Young son: No...?
Father: Then you're not a man yet!
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Big D.
Categories: Burping & farting | Compare and contrast | Dads | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Parenting | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait 'til You Hear My Story About the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny's Gay Orgy
Three-year-old boy: Do Santa and Batman fly in the sky together?
Mom: I hope they're careful if they do, because otherwise... Batmobile crashes into Santa's sleigh, boom! (makes explosion noises) Santa and Batman. Dead.
Three-year-old boy: (laughs hysterically)
Auntie: I'm glad he laughed at that, otherwise you were getting the "worst mom" award.
Antelope, California
Overheard by: Megan
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Family | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pop culture | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2010-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Acck, There's One in My Pants! Get It Out! Get It Out!
Screaming woman, surrounded by children: I haven't breast fed in months! Why won't they leave me alone?!
Philadelphia Zoo
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: mammophile
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Rack | Women | Posted 2010-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Trust Only Gay Men
Woman with three young daughters: Okay girls, we're spies... On the search for sparkly heels. Look everywhere!
Newbury Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Shoes | Posted 2010-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Okay, So It Was Technically an Abortion, But Same Principle
Mom to daughter, wandering off: No, come back here, I don't want to lose you in the store. I already lost one of my kids that way, and that's enough.
Dollar Store
Sept-Îles
Canadia
Then You Wonder Why He Becomes an Interior Decorator
Mom: No! We do not throw balls at people! Do not ever let me catch you throwing a ball!
Toy Store
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: huh?
Now People Will Know We're Together
Obese little girl, singing: Where'd you get your body from? I got it from my mama! I got it from my mama!
Really obese mother: Shhh!
Charlestown
NSW
Australia
Categories: Australia | Diet & weight | Fat people | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2010-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aww, That's Cold.
Obese teenager to mom: I wish I had an ice cream maker built into my steering wheel.
Mother: Stop.
Mobile, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Diet & weight | Fat people | Food | Moms | Parenting | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2010-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or I'm Sure He Would If We Could Locate Him.
Mother to four-year-old daughter: You're forgetting mummy is mummy and not daddy. Daddy is the one who cares.
Target
Australia
As the Palestinians Keep Telling the Israelis
Dad to eight-year-old son: Well, stop giving people wedgies and they'll stop throwing rocks at you.
Edmonton
Canadia
Overheard by: Christina M.
...Faking Its Own Death for the Publicity
Mother: Why did you kill that butterfly?
22-year-old daughter: It wasn't on purpose!
Mother: And what did you do with it?
22-year-old daughter: I put it outside, on the plant...
Mother: Why?
22-year-old daughter: I thought it was just pretending...
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: Teca Arantes
And My Analyst Will Hold You While I Do So
Man on cell: I've never shown hostility towards women, but if you ever call that transvestite my mother, I will beat you senseless.
Savannah, Georgia
Categories: Family ties | Gender issues | Georgia | Guys | On the phone | Parenting | Threats | Violence | Posted 2010-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Assuming I've Successfully Turned You Gay. Now Let's Go Look at Window-treatments.
Little boy on bus: Mom, mom, what's that? (points at Showgirls)
Mom: It's a titty place! Don't worry, no one's going to come out naked, but you won't care about that when you're 20.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Age and ageing | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Rack | Sensory experiences | Sex | Washington | Posted 2010-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Prematurely
Overweight mom, walking away from grave, to young sons: If you don't start behaving, you are going to be buried here.
Arlington National Cemetery
Arlington, Virginia
Categories: Death & dying | Fat people | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Threats | Virginia | Posted 2010-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Start With Those Who Have Babies
Older woman to her friend: You just don't ask your mother about your sex life. If you have questions, go ask your friends.
Pigeon Forge, Tennessee
Overheard by: Perplexed
I Just Like Peeing on Sticks
Mom: So tell me the truth. Was that your pregnancy test dad found in the trash?
Daughter: Jesus Christ, mom! No!
Mom: Okay, well, I just wanted to...
Daughter, interrupting: I wish it was my test! At least then I'd be having a good time!
YMCA
Nashville, Tennessee
Don't You Mean "Fabulous"?
Five-year-old boy to mom: Does it feel weird to have a vagina?
Mom: Well, I've had one my whole life, so it feels normal to me.
Five-year-old boy: I wish I knew what it felt like to have one!
Mom: I'm pretty sure you'll be a member of the LGBT community anyway, so maybe you'll find out.
Five-year-old boy: What's LGBT?
Mom: You'll find out soon enough, honey.
Five-year-old boy: That sounds really cool!
Roseville, California
Overheard by: Nature vs Nurture
The Male Equivalent Of the Old Menstrual Cramps Excuse
Mother: Take off your backpack and put it on your lap.
Five-year-old boy: No.
Mother: Put your backpack on your lap.
Five-year-old boy: No! It will hurt my balls.
Streetcar
Toronto
Canadia
Thanks, Superglue!
Daughter: Come look at this booth, mom!
Mom: Just a second.
Daughter: Please, mom!
Mom: Ugh, I have like five things to keep track of, one of which is your two siblings.
Earth Day Celebration
Gresham, Oregon
Categories: Family | Family ties | Moms | Oregon | Parenting | Posted 2010-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oooh, Blood!
Mother: Hey kids, look at that woman. She's puking!
Kid: Mom, it's rude to point!
Mother: Move, she'll puke on you too!
Magic Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: lolcopter
But With Slightly Less Dancing
Woman to girl: What exactly is a zombie? My son wants to know. Is it like a ghost?
Girl: A zombie is the living dead. A ghost is just a spirit, while a zombie is the dead body.
Woman: Like Michael Jackson?
Girl: Yes, like Michael Jackson.
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Maine | Parenting | Questions | Wishes | Women | Zombies | Posted 2010-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good Job, Guys
Dad: Okay kids, here's a penny for each of you! Throw it in the fountain and make a wish! Mark*, what did you wish for?
Mark*: A cupcake!
Dad: Okay! Joe*, what did you wish for?
Joe*: A garbage can!
Zoo
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Nature: 3 Nurture: 0
Five-year-old boy, watching news about Priscilla Queen of the Desert on tv: Those ladies look very strange.
Dad: They're actually men dressed as ladies, Edward.
Five-year-old boy: I'm going to dress like that when I'm a man!
London
England
Overheard by: Murray
All the Other Races Do It!
College girl to college guy: So you won't marry me but you'll procreate with me?
Glendale, Wisconsin
Categories: Frat boy types | Kids | Parenting | Pregnancy | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Sorority types | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Look What Happened to Me!
Pregnant mother to son: Stop throwing daddy's meat around!
Outback Steakhouse
Parsippany, New Jersey
Categories: Family | Food | New Jersey | Parenting | Penis | Preggers | Restaurants | Posted 2010-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Obesity: Explained.
Little boy, pointing to a box of cereal: What's this?
Mom: Cocoa Krispies. It's chocolate-flavored Rice Krispies.
Little boy: Oh my god!
Stop & Shop
Mamaroneck, New York
Overheard by: Diana
And Treat It in Much the Same Way.
Indian girl to friend: When I have a baby, I'm going to name it after my pet rock.
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amanda
Henry VIII's Kids Had Some Serious Psychological Issues
Little girl, holding mannequin's hand: Daddy! Daddy! Look!
Dad: Is that your new mommy?
Little girl, singing: No! She doesn't have a head!
Coralville, Iowa
I Hear Target Has Moms at Bargain Prices
Little girl, trying to find her mom: Mommy! Mom! Mom!
(she finds her)
Little girl: Hey, mom!
Mom, totally deadpan: I'm not your mom, you should go find your real mom.
Little girl: Mom...?
Mom: I am not your mom. It's time you go find your real mom.
Little girl: But... Mom...
Mom: Fine, what?!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on The Real Single Moms Of New Jersey
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: C'mon, honey, you'll like it!
Tearful four-year-old boy: I don't wanna!
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: Everyone loves the beer store! (pulls boy into beer kiosk)
Collingswood Auction
Farmingdale, New Jersey
Overheard by: not EVERYONE
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Liquid Soap Was to Die for
Redneck man with mullet coming out of bathroom: Well, son, that was some mighty fine hand dryer, wudn't it?
Son,excitedly: Yeah, pops, sure was!
Shepherdsville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Chelsea
The Graduate, in a Nutshell
Guy: My parents seem fake. My parents' friends seem really really fake.
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Guys | Lies | Parenting | Texas | Posted 2010-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Of Course, I Also Thought She'd Be Giving Birth in Prison...
Girl #1: I never thought I'd be a mom at 23! See you later! (walks away)
Girl #2, to girl #3: I thought she would be.
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Girls | Parenting | Posted 2010-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Steak Knives Are Much More Effective.
Mommy: Let's not attack mommy with a fork.
Salem, Oregon
Overheard by: lauraf
Just Like "Always Have a Cigarette After Cocktails"
Woman to screaming toddler in her arms: I'm not going to let you down unless you hold my hand. Are you going to hold my hand?
(toddler screams something unintelligible)
Woman: I'm sorry, I don't make the rules. They're the rules of the President of the United States of America.
Outlet Mall
Leesburg, Virginia
With Each Revelation, the Female Mystery Only Deepens
Blind old lady to old lady friend: Oh my, you started peeing so fast.
Old lady friend: Yes, it's because I stand up.
Blind old lady: Ohhhh...
Old lady friend: Yes, not a lot of women know how to stand up, you know.
Blind old lady: Yes, that's true. My mother used to stand.
CSULA Women's Bathroom
California
Overheard by: itshahaholly
Categories: California | Disabled | Friends | Gender issues | Old folks | Parenting | Pee | Restroom | Posted 2010-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What With Original Sin and So Forth
Son: I just feel so filthy after I go on the T. Can I please have some hand sanitizer, father?
Father: (silently hands it to son)
Son: Am I being paranoid?
Father: You're not being paranoid, Jonathan, you're being practical.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: Dads | Family | Fears | Feelings | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Parenting | Posted 2010-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Little Kids These Days Are Snottier Than Ever
Man to two-year-old daughter: I drew a face with eyes, nose and mouth. Can you tell me what's missing?
Two-year-old daughter: The boogers in the nose!
Faulconbridge
Australia
All Of Hef's Kids Have Asked This at Least Once
Little boy: Mommy, can we go back to the giant trampoline where you said you saw sexy daddy?
Sedona, Arizona
Overheard by: J
Categories: Arizona | Names | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Two or More People, Honey
Ten-year-old: Mom, what's "shagging"?
Mom: Um... It's like shedding. You know, like how the cat sheds hair on the couch?
Four-year-old: No, it's not. It's when two people have sex. Jeez!
Clarksville, Indiana
I Still Can't Eat Shirred Eggs
Grungy young man, after loudly prattling on about drinking 12 Smirnoffs a day, weed, and massage therapy: I didn't believe in the inner-spiritual plane until I saw my unborn child's soul whisked away.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Anon Y. Mouse
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Druggies | Drugs | Drunks | Kids | Parenting | Words | Posted 2010-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Now That I Can Suck My Own Nipples.
Preppy tween girl #1: So you're grounded?
Preppy tween girl #2: Worse. My mom threw away my pacifiers.
Madison, Wisconsin
...Isn't This Fun?
Little girl, excitedly building snowman: Mommy, look, look! This could be his hat!
Mother: No, Shelly.
Little girl, dejectedly: But mommy...
Mother, exasperated: No! It's not even proportionate to the snowman!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Only in Boston...
How Come You Never Let Me Use That Excuse?
Teenage kid: Awww! Mum, not those, why did you have to throw them out?
Mother: I don't know. Sometimes my hands just do things...
Sydney
Australia
With the Paper Bag on His Head?
Girl to friend: What if I am pregnant? How will I know who the father is? Well, if it comes out half Asian it's Jason's. If it comes out a midget it's Thomas's, and if it comes out blurry, it's the unnamed guy.
Escondido, California
Overheard by: Brit-ta-nee
The Police Will Ask Questions You Don't Want to Answer
Mother to daughter: Just remember, honey, next time you borrow my dildo, don't get blood on it.
Leeds
England
Categories: England | Family ties | Masturbation | Moms | Parenting | Toys | Posted 2010-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Their Evil Is More Insidious
Kid, watching glockenspiel chime: Look mommy, a witch!
Mommy: No honey, that's a nun.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: natalie
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Magic | Moms | Overheard in PDX | Parenting | Religion | Posted 2010-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kids Always Get Payback When You Take Them Shopping
Mom to young son: There's a doggie! Do you know what sound a doggie makes?
Son: Mooo.
Mom, distracted by shiny things: Uh-huh. (pause) Hey! Dogs don't say "moo"!
Target
Leominster, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Manda
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2010-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...To Cut Coke with
Girl #1: So I unplugged the phone before I left, so the school can't call my mom to say I'm not at school.
Girl #2: Oh, that's pretty smart.
Girl #1: I also took my dad's credit card.
Train
Chicago, Illinois
...With a Bastard Vampire Baby
Mom to daughter in Team Edward t-shirt: If you were taking your pill in the first place, you wouldn't be pregnant right now.
New Hampshire
Overheard by: let me kick her in the stomach
Categories: Moms | New Hampshire | Parenting | Preggers | Pregnancy | Posted 2010-02-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Also Happens to Be My Husband.
Teen mum #1 with baby in pushchair: Ah! Lovely baby boy! Who's the father?
Teen mum #2 with baby in pushchair: That scumbag from the pub a few months back.
Clothes Store
Dartford
England
Woody Allen Was Pretty Much the Same As a Kid
Three-year-old to mom on bus: Mom, can you show me how to play my dvd?
Mom: Sure. Why are you asking me now?
Three-year-old: In case.
Mom: In case? In case of what?
Three-year-old, matter of factly: In case you die.
Madrid
Spain
Categories: Death & dying | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Spain | Technology | Posted 2010-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And It's Not So Much "Pick Up" As "Break Out"
Little girl pointing to City Hall: That's where we pick up daddy!
Mom: No, it's across the street at the jail.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: not good
Categories: Crimes | Family ties | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2010-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Dogs Have the Decency to Die at Fifteen
30-something at table with friends: I'm telling you! Children are like one of those STDs that you have to live with for the rest of your life. They're like herpes or HIV. They will never, ever, ever go away. They will ruin your life.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: So fucking teue
Is He Talking About Vagina? Discuss.
Little boy to mother: Mommy, it smells like eating wieners... right?
Walgreens Parking Lot
Port Chester, New York
Overheard by: Ldawg
Wouldn't Going Potty First Be Most Important?
Mother in bathroom stall to small child: We can go soon, but first mommy has to go potty, then put her pants back on. Put her pants back on... That's the most important thing.
Puyallup, Washington
Overheard by: in the next stall...
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pee | Undies | Washington | Posted 2010-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Drunkventures in Babysitting
Young mother on phone: Well, tell him if he's going to stay home and get drunk by himself then he can babysit for me.
Wisconsin
Overheard by: smirkburglar
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | On the phone | Parenting | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It'll Go Great with Your Whine
Mother to toddler son, looking at cheese display: Look, charlie, Gruyere! Can you say "Gruyere"?
Whole Foods
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: GruyereLover
What Does Martin Short Have to Do with Anything?
Five-year-old boys, in unison, about female lion strutting around: The mamacita is awake! The mamacita is awake!
Harried mother: I said let's not say that word... Let's say "elfman" is awake!"
San Diego Zoo
California
Categories: Animals | California | Kids | Kids | Language barrier | Moms | Parenting | Words | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why the Fairy Always Dies When His Mom Reads Him Peter Pan
Ten-year-old boy: Dad, why are people clapping?
Father: Because the conductor entered the stage. It's respectful.
Ten-year-old boy: I personally don't believe in clapping for someone unless they've done something.
Tanglewood Music Center
Lenox, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Bystander girl
Do You Want Me to Divorce You, Too?
Very well-behaved boy: Mom, I have been so good lately, can I please get a toy?
Very patient mom: Do you have any money?
Very well-behaved boy: Um... no, but you do. I looked in your wallet this morning.
Very patient mom: That's snooping!
Very well-behaved boy: Well, daddy does it all the time!
Salem, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Jenna
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Moms | Money | New Hampshire | Parenting | Questions | Shopping | Should have used a condom | Toys | Posted 2010-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Hoping for a Muppet Baby
Middle aged female client: You aren't going to find out the sex? How are you going to know what color to paint the nursery or what kind of baby clothes to get?
Pregnant 30-something hair stylist: Oh, please, like it matters what colors I choose. People aren't going to be wondering if it's a girl or a boy, anyway; they're going to wonder if it's an animal or a baby.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: jenc17
We Were Only Growing You for the Organs, Anyway
Dad: Buddy, you have to breathe. You can't hold your breath forever.
Son: No! I'm never going to breathe again. I hate it!
Dad: Sounds good.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: kaybay
Categories: Dads | Family | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gin?
Middle-aged father to waitress, about loud toddler daughter: It's an emergency. We need some happy juice.
Restaurant
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: silver
Categories: Baristas | Colorado | Dads | Food | Kids | Offers and requests | Parenting | Restaurants | Should have used a condom | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess It's Montessori School for You Then
Dad, changing son's diaper: Why don't you want to wear a diaper? You want to run around naked and piss and poop all over the floor?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: What are you, an anarchist?
New Jersey
Mom Still Reminisces Fondly About the First Visit from the Police
Girl: When I see small children, I feel like I owe my mother an apology.
Baltimore, MD
Overheard by: Ren
...And Pour Some More Bailey's Into My Mug.
Store employee: Would you like to try a free sample of hot cocoa?
Nine-year-old daughter, impatient: Come on, mom! We need to get to your appointment!
Mom: Shut up! There's always time for free cocoa. Here!
Nine-year-old daughter: I don't want any.
Mom: Then just shut up.
Minnetonka, Minnesota
You Are Now Qualified to Work at McDonald's
Five-year-old daughter: Daddy, ask me some math questions.
Father: Okay, what is 4 x 4?
Five-year-old daughter: It's not 9!
Father: That's correct.
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Michael Moore
Kids Start Disappointing You As Soon As They Possibly Can
Little girl: Mom, can I buy that doll house?
Mom: No, you don't have enough money.
Daughter: Can't I just use my college money?
Mom: No.
Daughter: But I don't want to go to college, I want the doll house! I don't want to go to college!
Toy Store
Canadia
Doughnuts, at Least, Are Cheaper by the Dozen
Mother to daughter: And soon you'll be having babies...
Daughter's friend: I want a baby.
Daughter: What?!
Friend: Actually I want a doughnut, but no one was listening to me.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: and i want a pony
That Is So Cliche.
Working-class hippie: Oh, I have another porn story!
Foreign hippie: The one about your mom?
Working-class hippie: No, no, this one's about Matt*--my surrogate father.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Family ties | Foreigners | Hippies | Massachusetts | Parenting | Porn | Posted 2009-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It Too Late for a Teachable Moment?
Manly guy to male friend carrying fake baby for parenting class: So, did Beth* get her period yet?
Wichita, Kansas
Really, Who Wants to Lay Eggs and Have a Guy Shoot on Them?
Student #1: My friend's mom didn't let him watch The Little Mermaid because she was half naked.
Student #2: Yeah, Ariel was such a ho-bag.
Student #1: You know she just wanted those legs so she could spread 'em.
Loma Linda, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Movies | Parenting | Students | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on Graze Anatomy
Little boy to grandmother: My mommy's held a cow brain.
Borders Bookstore
Alameda, California
Overheard by: Lith
Categories: Animals | Body parts | California | Family | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With a Real Girl.
Six-year-old boy, firmly groping mannequin's backside: I'm popular! I'm popular! Look, mommy!
Flustered mom: Go be popular over there!
Morganton, North Carolina
Overheard by: Carla
Categories: Kids | Moms | North Carolina | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Slippery Slope
Concerned father, giving advice to someone else's kid: I would strongly advise against eating gum found in the bathroom.
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Amanda Postel
...From Your Leash.
Mother, chasing fleeing toddler across library: Stop! Come back! You have separation anxiety!
Christchuch
New Zealand
Overheard by: I suspect it's the other way around...
Everything He Knows About Americans He Learned from Watching Roseanne Reruns
Little boy, pointing to tourist: Mom! I can't get on because the American will eat me!
Philippines
A Nightmare I Thought Had Ended in the Mid-90's
Mother: Hey, you could get a job at Build-A-Bear.
Exasperated daughter: No I couldn't, they have to wear khaki pants and denim shirts.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: what?s wrong with that?
Categories: Clothes | Family | Jobs & Careers | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So We're Giving Him My Anal Fisting Videos and Hoping He Can Extrapolate
Middle-aged man: So the other day my friend asked me to borrow some porn tapes. He said he needed to teach his son about the birds and the bees.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the wirled
Categories: Birds | Education | Guys | Insects | Kids | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Porn | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But This Time You'd Better Not Force Your Brother to Eat It
Eight-year-old boy: Hey dad, can I get deodorant?
Father: Uh, sure.
Eight-year-old boy: Yesssss!
A&P Supermarket
Totowa, New Jersey
Categories: Dads | Happiness | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Times Hard in the Islamic Republic Of North Carolina
Little girl to mother, passing brand new cherry red Porsche Carrera GT convertible: Mama, why is everyone looking at that car?
Mother: Because it's very special.
Little girl: Can I get one?
Mother: Only if you marry well, dear.
Durham, North Carolina
Then Why Haven't You Helped Me Win Any Grammys?
Female tween, following older brother swimming in restricted area: Mom, can I swim where Dave* is?
Mom: No! Swim back over to the shore.
Female tween, in nasal whine: Oh. Myyyyy. God!
Mom: Hey, I gave birth to you. I am your god!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: matt.
Categories: God | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in PDX | Parenting | Tweens | Posted 2009-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Don't Jump Off That Building." "Stop Touching That Burner." Nag, Nag, Nag!
Woman to five-year-old daughter in elevator: You're getting off at the wrong floor, sweetie. This is the wrong floor... The wrong floor... The wrong floor! God, do you ever listen to me?
Five-year-old daughter: I'm trying not to.
Mackinac Island, Michigan
Overheard by: laughing
See Their "My Child Is an Honor Student at Bitchassfaggot Elementary" Sticker?
Grandma, after car cuts bus off: Bitchassfaggot.
Daughter: Mom!
Grandma: Well, that's what they are!
Public Transit
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Well, As Long As You've Thought This Through.
Woman #1: So you're going to name your son Jesus?
Woman #2: Why not? People name their kids "Messiah," and it means the same damn thing.
Alabama
Overheard by: Matthew Roberts
But You're the One Who Keeps Calling the Social Worker, Billy.
Mother to screaming child: Look, if it were up to me, you could watch all the porn you want.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
And a That's So Raven Thermos!
Mom to preteen son: If you don't straighten up your act, I'm sending you back to school with all Hannah Montana notebooks!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that'll teach him
Categories: About celebrities | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Threats | Posted 2009-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Lost 10 Pounds Since I Started Sending Myself to Bed Without Supper!
Girl with blue hair, excitedly on cell: I love it when I inspire my own maternal instincts!
National Mall
Washington, DC
Categories: Feelings | Girls | Malls | On the phone | Parenting | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh Yes, Mummy-- Ever So!
Mom to two little kids sitting directly behind her on the train: Do you feel a little bit better now that you've got slight independence?
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: They were the best behaved children there that day.
Multiple Origami
Little girl: And then we had orgies.
Mother, very calmly: No honey, we had origami.
Florida
Really More Of an Epcot Activity
Child eating skeleton fruit snacks: Mommy, look! I'm eating a boner!
Disney World
Florida
Well What's Spanish for "Cornholing"?
Spanish teacher, teaching tenses: If your parents were away, what would you do?
Student: I would do Jeff!
(class laughs)
Student: No, I mean I would invite Jeff over!
Spanish teacher: That doesn't make it sound any better.
High School
Concord, North Carolina
Overheard by: Mary
Categories: Family ties | North Carolina | Parenting | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Could Just Steal the Boxed Set, Sweetie.
Teenage daughter: Mom, I have a plan for my future.
Mother: And what's that?
Teenage daughter: Save someone's life so they are indebted to me and will buy me the complete Twilight Zone boxed set.
Mother: Between this and your brother who I haven't seen in four days, I don't think I screwed up at all.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Moms | Parenting | Stupidity | TV shows | Teens | Posted 2009-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sadly Wayne Brady Would Never Attain His Mother's Dream
White mother to white toddler son: You're going to be black by the time we leave!
Grand Sierra Resort Pool
Reno, Nevada
That Dog from the Old Navy Commercials?
Mom to adult daughter: Now what you do is you pick an aisle to go down that you think has magic at the end of it.
Dutchess County, New York
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Which, As We Both Know, Is More Than We Can Say for Dad.
Little girl to mom: But I am getting real good! Yesterday I didn't get any poop on my hand!
Public Restroom
Iceland
At the Hermaphroditic Contortionist Children's Support Group
Five-year-old girl, pointing at store window: Balls!
Young mom: That's right honey, those are balls, but you ate your balls, huh?
Five-year-old girl: I ate my balls!
Buffalo, New York
Who Is He to Say I Can't Be a Lesbian?
Three-year-old to parents: Jesus is mean.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Your Friends Say It All the Time.
Little girl, singing: You got a fat butt, you got a fat butt!
Mother: Now sweetie, that's not nice to say about mommy.
Little boy: But its true!
Dressing Room
Union, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Ass | Assholes | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Were Conceived Right Here in Aisle Four
Father to three-year-old daughter, after she took her shirt off: Just like your mother.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: is that how you met her?
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Dads | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Worried I'll Don Their Gay Apparel
Teenage scene girl: I'm going to American Apparel to apply for a job.
Friend: Do you think you'll get the job?
Teenage scene girl: Yeah, but I don't think my mom will let me.
Friend: Why?
Teenage scene girl: There are lesbians there.
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | McDonald's | New York | Parenting | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Worry - I Left My Pocket Knife at Home.
Three-year-old boy to mom, noticing police officers nearby: Don't do anything bad while you're here. Okay, mom?
Mom: Okay.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: an amused barista.
Categories: Crimes | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So No One Will Even See Your Hooker Shoes
Mother to sixteen year-old in booty shorts and Uggs: You can be a geisha girl! It goes all the way down to the floor!
Halloween Store
New Jersey
Your Editors Can't Wait for That Sitcom
Very short gay man: It's so hard being a vegetarian. My parents can't accept my sexuality or my religion... I'm living in a toilet!
Guernsey
England
Overheard by: Catie
Good to See a Family Do Things Together
Little boy to younger brother: I'm 'bout to choke you!
Mother, to all children: I'm 'bout to choke all y'all!
Little boy: Together, mama?
Mother: Together.
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Jessica
According to Mom's New Boyfriend
Six-year-old girl at the zoo: (drops French fries one by one)
Dad: Why are you dropping French fries?
Six-year-old girl: To feed them!
Dad: No one wants your old French fries.
Six-year-old girl: You're an old French fry!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Dave
When Momma Grows Red Fur, Then We'll Talk.
Dad: Does Gracie love momma?
Toddler: Pshnoooooo.
Dad: Does Gracie love Elmo?
Toddler: Yeah!
Target
Nashville, Tennessee
You're a Burkoff, Dad
Little Girl: Look Dad, a buhraff.
Dad: That's "giraffe"--juh, juh, juh.
Little Girl, looking confused: Buhraff! Juh, juh, juh.
Zoo
St. Louis, Missouri
So You and the Doctors Keep Saying...
Small child entering restroom: Mom, why can't we go to the boys' room? Because I've got a girl with me?
Mom: You are a girl!
Sushi Restaurant
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: zombie z
Categories: Gender issues | Kansas | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Restaurants | Restroom | Sexuality | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Limbo Is Not a Man's Game, Son.
Mother to little boy: Stop that! You're gonna hurt your scrotum!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...For Not Driving a Hybrid.
Four-year-old girl being dragged away by mother: I'll kill you! I'll kill you!
West Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Juanito
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Murder | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2009-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jenna Jameson Was a Tough Kid to Raise
Little girl: Tea... cock! (pause) Tea... cock! Cock! Teaaaaaaaa...
Distracted mother: Honey, "peacock" is all one word.
Little girl: Cock!
Leesburg, Virginia
That's Why Her Name Is Bjorrjammijjinanan
Shorter kid playing basketball to taller kid: Your dad bought your mom at Ikea!
Watertown, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Ariel
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Parenting | Relationships | Shopping | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Never Know Which One Will Be Your Last One
Drunk young girl: Whatever. She could have had sex whenever she wanted.
Drunk mother: Well, she's beat you by a few years!
Drunk grandmother: I haven't had sex in such a long time.
The Keg
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Drunks | Family | Family ties | Moms | Parenting | Sex | Time Management | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Clean Up the Blood Again
Girl #1: So my mom is getting married to that guy she met on the internet.
Girl #2: Internet? He might be a serial killer!
Girl #1: Yeah, but she lives in Florida, so at least I don't have to hear about it.
Bathrooms
Cinema, Illinois
Categories: Family ties | Girls | Illinois | Internet | Murder | Parenting | Relationships | Restroom | Posted 2009-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Long Island Has Feminists?
Overbearing mother: Let her see you in the bra! She will make sure it fits correctly!
13-year-old girl, buying first bra: Mother, I'm not for sale!
Victoria's Secret
Long Island, New York
For the Last Time, You're Not Getting My American Express Card
Five-year-old boy, calling to mother in bathroom stall: Mom, we need to talk about something.
Mom: Can it wait?
Five-year-old boy: No.
Mom: What is it?
Five-year-old boy: I need more credit. You don't give me enough credit for the things I do, and my feathers are simply getting ruffled by this.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Laughing
What's More Natural Than Fondling a Relative's Artificial Breast?
Daughter in dressing room: Go ahead, feel them!
Mom in dressing room: No!
Daughter: Really, the point is to feel how natural they feel! I'm going to want to feel yours when you get them.
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kendal
Categories: Family ties | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Moms | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Rack | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Mister "I Cut Myself with Safety Scissors"
Son to father, exiting hospital: Dad, what's a disability?
Father: It's like when someone loses their finger in an accident, (pause) which will probably happen to you.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Dads | Eavesdrop DC | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is What Fun Is, Son.
Little boy: Ewww... what's that smell?
Slightly tipsy dad: Prolly barf.
Little boy: Yuck! You're gross!
Slightly tipsy dad: What? It's a twins game. People come to get drunk, then they barf, and you smell it. That's how it goes.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that's not why I go to twins games.
Categories: Dads | Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Name It "Suri Cruise"?
Girl during evolution lab in biology: So, humans came from monkeys, right? So, if two monkeys had a baby and it was a human, like, what would we do with it?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: we would name it tarzan.
Adam Sandler's Comedy Hasn't Evolved Much
Lady talking to friend: My little boy just loves balls. All I hear is balls,balls, balls...
Wal-Mart
Anniston, Alabama
Overheard by: Tyler
Having a TV on Every Seat Is Pretty Damn Great
Six-year-old girl: Mum, remember when we went on that airplane?
Distracted mum: Mm-hmm?
Six-year-old girl: Was that paradise?
Train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Wishing I could go holiday there
What-- Too Soon?
Teenage daughter: I had some caffeine pretty late tonight, so I'm gonna take an extra 50 milligrams of Seroquel.
Mother: I'll be sure to call Mary-Kate if anything bad happens.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Categories: About celebrities | Colorado | Family | Food | Health & Hygiene | Moms | Parenting | Teens | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Grow Up So Fast
3-year-old in parking lot: Mommy, I want MONEY!
Mother: Yes, honey. Me too.
Gilroy, California
Overheard by: just a cart pusher
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Money | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Giant Cock.
Little girl: I'm in love with a boy at my preschool.
Mom: Yeah? What's he like?
Little girl, shrugging: Blue eyes, blond hair, good skin.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: amy
In Our Family, We Get Our Pornography from the Internet
Boy, holding bodice-ripper romance novel: Dad, is this a book for fifth-graders?
Distracted father: No. Put it back.
Boy: What is it?
Distracted father: Hardcore pornography. Put it back.
Fairwood, Washington
Overheard by: he was so hopeful
Ironically, They Were Dancing to "Walk Like an Egyptian"
Hairdresser to client in salon: I really like Egypt, you know? I feel like I have a connection to Egypt, like I was there in a past life. Like, I was watching this show on the History Channel about Egypt? Or some place? And they have three religions there? The first one was this religion where everybody kisses this wall? Mmm-mm-mm-mm. They were making out with this wall! They loved that wall. And then the next religion, god told Abraham to kill his son? What kind of crazy religion is that? And then the third religion was all these people standing up, and bending down.
Client: They were probably Muslims. They were praying towards Mecca...
Hairdresser: Uh huh. And I said to my boyfriend, "that's good exercise." I was going to watch more, but Dancing with the Stars was on.
Collingswood, New Jersey
Categories: Clients | Employees | Geography | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Murder | New Jersey | Parenting | Religion | TV shows | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook