Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Parenting All Categories > Topics > Parenting
Recent | Best Of
I Recycled Your Sister Without Batting an Eye
Little girl: You don't like me!
Mother: If I didn't like you, I'd throw you in the dumpster.
North Branford, Connecticut
As Long As You Don't Lie in the Same Bed Together, It's All Good
Man: What does it say in the bible about punching your son in the face?
Starbucks
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: wondering the same thing myself
Categories: Books | Guys | North Carolina | Offspring | Parenting | Questions | Religion | Restaurants | Violence | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Expect Ingratitude. And Sass-Mouth
Mother, shouting at her child: You get mad at me for the things I don't do, and you never appreciate the things I do do!
Little girl: Hahaha, you said doodoo!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Girls | Gripes | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Words | Posted 2008-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Tell You It's Yours, Regardless
Girl, after showing of Juno: I want a baby.
Boyfriend: [Raises eyebrows.]
Girl: Not by you, but, you know...
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Once Your Testicles Drop, What Else Is There?
Mom: This is ridiculous! Why are you crying?
Wailing four-year-old: Because I have no reason left to live!
701 Russell Avenue
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Didn't Say I Wanted to Raise It
Teen girl: Oh! Cute baby! I want to have a baby!
Her annoyed mom: At what point did I make this look like fun to you?
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Kim
Categories: Bimbettes | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2007-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So My Little League Coach Is a Llama?
Blond boy: Mommy, what do llamas eat?
Mother: Little blond boys.
Blond boy, knowingly: Ohhh...
Waterloo Park
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Kelsey
You Guys Are Worse Than the Fucking Ferrets
Mom with two kids in tow: You guys can't take Mommy's cell phone out of her purse anymore, okay? It's very important to leave Mommy's cell phone in her purse. [Stops suddenly] Okay, where did we put Mommy's purse?
Sam's Club
Virginia
I Learned My Lesson with Mary Kate and Ashley
Man pushing newborn in stroller: I'm not capitalizing financially off the cuteness of my daughter.
Denver International Airport security line
Denver, Colorado
You're a One Trick Pony, Lady
Mom: Nathan, stop it! Stop it! Get ov-- [Nicely] Come over here, Nathan...
Misbehaving boy: Nooo! I know you're going to spank me!
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Glad she's not my mom
Categories: Canadia | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Crossed a Line I Didn't Even Know Was There
Latina: ... And so she taught her nephews how to put condoms on by having them practice putting them on her vibrator!
Boy toy: What the fuck? How old are they?
Latina: Eleven.
UCLA, Charles E. Young Drive
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Gossip | Latinas | Parenting | Posted 2007-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think That's a Generous Word for It
Child runs out into busy parking lot.
Mom: Careful! There are old people driving!
Overheard by: Eric Smith
God, You're Such a Maudlin Drunk
Dad to howling toddler: Stop it! Suck it up! You don't hear anyone else crying, do you?
United flight descending into O'Hare
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Categories: Airports & flights | Dads | Illinois | Maladies | North America | Parenting | Parents | USA | Posted 2007-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Queen Amidala Headdress Is Really Heavy
Costumed dad to little girl: You need to listen. Understand? You will not take your clothes off!
Star Wars 30th Anniversary Celebration
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Dads | Family ties | Fashion | Movies | North America | Parenting | Parents | Pop culture | USA | Posted 2007-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That's How You Were Conceived
WASP mom to her two pre-teen kids: Your father got fucked in the ass.
Micawber Books
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Categories: Backdoor | Gossip | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Posted 2007-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, That's David Spade
Man at airport: I'm gonna go hug that kid. Maybe then his mom will start keeping an eye on him.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tim
Categories: Creepsters | Overheard Lines | Parenting | Posted 2007-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Welcome to Your Career
Mother handing son bag of groceries: Here you go.
Son: Me?
Mother: Yes, you, silly.
Son, pouting: But I'm special.
Mother: No, you're not.
Publix
Melbourne Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Ali
Categories: Florida | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Always One for the Scrapbook
Kid to mom in car with windows up: Mom! I peed outside today! Mom! Did you hear what I said? I peed outside today! [Mom doesn't respond.] Mom! Mom! I peed outside today! I peed outside today!
Mom, opening the door: Shut up and get in the car.
Kindercare, 196th Street
Lynnwood, Washington
Overheard by: snickerpants
Categories: Gossip | Parenting | Pee | Should have used a condom | Washington | Posted 2007-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I'm Just Going to Assume It's Jesse Jackson
Lady #1: ... And I don't even know who the daddy is!
Lady #2: That's hilarious!
B. Dalton - College Square Mall
Cedar Falls, Iowa
Overheard by: Darcy
Categories: Iowa | Ladies who lunch | Parenting | Pregnancy | Posted 2007-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Ice Cream for Anybody
Mom: We can't have ice cream. You just had candy at the movie.
Little girl: Mom, you are such a gutter-skank.
Mom, flabbergasted: What did you say?! What did you call me?! Where did you hear that term?!
Little girl: Dad.
Capitol Street
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Total Gutterskank
Categories: California | Glad the condom broke | Insults | Moms | Parenting | Words | Posted 2007-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Give Your Brother CPR While I Call an Ambulance
Mom to daughter: See? That's why we don't laugh in this family -- you go and suffocate on your own vomit!
Portland, Oregon
Stop It, Lady, You're Making the Scientologists Look Right
Mom to five-year-old son who is standing quietly: Settle down before I have to give you another pill!
Line for a theme park ride
Florida
Overheard by: Kim
Everyone There Has Given Up on Life Anyway
Father: Honey, you can't cry on the train. The conductor will kick us off.
Young daughter, crying: Can I cry on the bus?
Father, after thoughtful pause: Sure, you can cry on the bus.
MBTA Green Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Joe
Categories: Dads | Lies | Massachusetts | Parenting | Train | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Didn't We Sell You for Medical Experiments?
Four-year-old girl: Daddy, can you hold my hand?
Disheveled father: I am not your personal hand holder!
Wal-Mart parking lot
Warminster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Catty
Categories: Dads | Kids | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fisher-Price Introduces the Backyardigans Butt Plug
Mom gripping three kids by their collars with one hand while pointing with each word at each kid with her other hand: I. Don't. Want. To. Hear. Another. Word. About. Sticking. Something. Up. Your. Asses!
Toy aisle, Wal-Mart
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: keller-wish i'd gotten there fifteen seconds earlier
But I Loved "Pee-wee's Big Adventure"
Young mother to five-year-old daughter: Morgan! Come here! Do you remember that film we watched about perverts? Now hold my hand!
Clapham Common Post Office
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Moms | Overheard in London's Journal | Parenting | Post offices | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
