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Happens After Every NAMBLA Convention
Mom to eight-year-old son: Do you want pizza tonight?
Son: No! I can't eat that, I just got pregnant!
Naperville, Illinois
Only a Good Friend Would Say That, Stacy
Sad girl: So we broke up and I started crying, and I told him to leave and he was like "can we still watch Star Wars?"
Short haired girl: It's not even that good a movie!
Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amused
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Movies | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Posted 2010-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was All, "But I'm Texting You!"
Young college girl #1: How was your date last night?
Young college girl #2: Okay. I don't think I'm going out with him again, though.
Young college girl #1: Why?
Young college girl #2: He was weird. He asked me to quit texting while we were having dinner.
Young college girl #1: Rude!
Starbuck's
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Categories: Arkansas | Bars & Clubs | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Sorority types | Texting | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kirk Cameron: "No."
Student in library: Could you forget that Jesus died for your sins for like five minutes?
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Jesus | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Students | Posted 2010-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What With Original Sin and So Forth
Son: I just feel so filthy after I go on the T. Can I please have some hand sanitizer, father?
Father: (silently hands it to son)
Son: Am I being paranoid?
Father: You're not being paranoid, Jonathan, you're being practical.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: Dads | Family | Fears | Feelings | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Parenting | Posted 2010-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did I Not Put My Tit in Your Coffee This Very Morning?
Older man: Let's go to that bikini coffee shop!
Younger woman: What? What?
Older man: It's a coffee shop where women with self esteem issues wear bikinis and serve... coffee. What's not to get?
Younger woman: Fuck you.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Clothes | Food | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Washington | Women | Posted 2010-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Babies Love LSD Orgies, Right?
Guy to hugely pregnant woman: There's a party Saturday--you should come after you give birth.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: pie
Categories: Guys | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Preggers | Pregnancy | Posted 2010-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then They Blew Each Other
High school girls: Then Mr Jones* said "if anybody knows an easy-23-year old, let me know." and Jeff* told him "dude if I knew an easy 23-year-old, I wouldn't tell you."
Bus
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Bus | Canadia | Girls | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Posted 2010-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Not Even How You Play Strip Poker
Girl: Stop poking my love handles!
St. Joseph High School
Michigan
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Michigan | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Says She Needs the Practice
Elderly woman to friends: Oh, she's lovely, she even offered to sleep in the coffin!
Cambridge
England
Categories: Death & dying | England | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't Saying "We're Texas Lutherans" Sufficient?
Professor: Everyone who thinks it's this answer jump up and say, "I'm brilliant!"
(nobody moves)
Professor: Everyone who thinks it's this answer jump up and say, "I'm not so brilliant, yet."
(nobody moves)
Professor: Everyone else jump up and say, "I'm inhibited!"
Organic Chemistry Class
Texas Lutheran University
Overheard by: Kimberly
Categories: Class | Offers and requests | Teachers | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, No-- I'm Not Falling for This for the Fifth Time
Guy to girl: This is gonna sound weird, but spread your legs!
Las Vegas, Nevada
Categories: Guys | Nevada | Offers and requests | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Why Is the Horn Down Your Pants?
Bus driver: So, I heard the last 9 bus was full and a lot of you had to wait for this one. If you're angry about it, you can honk this bus' horn. Really. I don't want you leaving here mad at Bloomington transit.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Honked the Horn
Categories: Bus drivers | Indiana | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Posted 2010-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Casting Agents Get More Like Pimps Every Day
Girl on cell: Look, fine, then if you don't want Lucy Liu I'll hook you up with her sister. Then you can have two for one!
Film Class
Queen's University
Canadia
Overheard by: Umm can I get in on that?
Categories: About celebrities | Canadia | Class | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Offers and requests | On the phone | Posted 2010-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God Bless Chicago.
Train conductor: For those of you who had too much to drink, could you please wake up long enough to present your ticket?
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Conductors | Drinking & drunks | Illinois | Offers and requests | Posted 2010-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When the Need to Be Offensive Overcomes the Need to Get Laid
Short boy, yelling inches away from short girl's face: We should hang out!
Short girl: (walks away silently)
Tall boy, laughing: Dude!
High School
Eugene, Oregon
Categories: Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Oregon | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Somebody Wants to Go to College
Teacher to chatty class: Everyone, quiet, we have to go over this!
(class continues chatting)
Guy in the back: I will kill you all.
(class falls silent)
High School
Chesapeake, Virginia
Categories: Education | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Threats | Thugs | Virginia | Posted 2010-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can and Will
Orchestra director to French horn player: Can you just stick your fist up in there?
Luther College
Decorah, Iowa
Overheard by: percussionist who snorted like a 12-year-old
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Iowa | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Right Now, Looks Like It's All in Your Hair.
Director to actress playing Johanna in Sweeney Todd: I just want to see a little spunk on your face.
Reno, Nevada
Overheard by: CarvingMyNiche
Everybody's Dated a Mustache Girl-- Just Not Publicly
Boyfriend: Baby, you have to shave that mustache.
Girlfriend: Shut up! I keep telling you I'm getting it waxed.
New Jersey
Overheard by: Rebecca
Categories: Beauty | Couples | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Shaving | Posted 2010-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The First Rule Of Play-Date Is...
Girl #1: I just got a betta fish.
Girl #2, way too excited: Oh my gosh, I have one of those! You should bring yours over for a play-date!
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Animals | Girls | Offers and requests | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why the Gays Should Run the World
Delightfully gay and snarky flight attendant: Now, ladies, I am impressed with your Louis Vuitton and your coach. I adore your Prada and your Gucci. They are beautiful. But I will be more impressed with all of your bags if you stow them under the seat while we are landing. Now sit back and shut up.
(five minutes later, while plane is taxiing)
Delightfully gay and snarky flight attendant: We are finally here. So please, exit the plane a lot quicker than you boarded it. (plane stops, parks at gate) Get out.
Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Airports & flights | Compliments | Fashion | Flight attendants | Grumpies | Illinois | Offers and requests | Queers | Posted 2010-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Drunkventures in Babysitting
Young mother on phone: Well, tell him if he's going to stay home and get drunk by himself then he can babysit for me.
Wisconsin
Overheard by: smirkburglar
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | On the phone | Parenting | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Hillary Clinton Dreams
Man in trench coat to group of students: Follow me, and I'll take you to a magical woman.
Newport
Wales
Overheard by: Can I come?
The "Hugs, Not Drugs" Campaign Has Had Mixed Results
Huge gangsta boy: Maaaan, gimme a hug!
Preppy white friend: What?! No!
Huge gansta boy: What the fuck, man, just gimme a goddam hug!
High School
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Feelings | Friends | Insults | Offers and requests | Preppies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Tennessee | Thugs | Whiteys | Posted 2010-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Happens.
Deli worker : Hey, do you got a pen that works?
Colleague: Nah, I must have dropped mine in the parking lot after I stabbed someone with it.
Long Island, New York
Categories: Coworkers | Crimes | New York | Offers and requests | Violence | Posted 2010-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aren't You Glad We Can All Joke About Mass Murder Like This?
Sweet-ass security guard: Miss, you're going to have to hang up your phone and run it through the machine.
20-something girl intern: But I'm not a terrorist, and I'm on an important call. Can't I just walk through?
Sweet-ass security guard: Miss, that would be like Timothy McVeigh driving up and asking "hey, can I park my car here?"
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Compare and contrast | Cops | Crimes | Eavesdrop DC | Employees | Offers and requests | Violence | Posted 2010-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Could Pretend We're a Siamese Twin
Guy to female bartender: Why don't we just date other people together?
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Categories: Bartenders | Guys | Offers and requests | Overheard in PDX | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gin?
Middle-aged father to waitress, about loud toddler daughter: It's an emergency. We need some happy juice.
Restaurant
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: silver
Categories: Baristas | Colorado | Dads | Food | Kids | Offers and requests | Parenting | Restaurants | Should have used a condom | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Wearing Those Stiletto Boots and Bra-tops and We'll Talk
Communications professor: I mean, I can offer you a dollar for sex or I can offer you a million dollars. You're still a prostitute. We're just haggling over price.
(some female students giggle)
Communications professor: What? Oh, you're laughing because I called you whores?
Otago University
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Insults | Money | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Questions | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Just Took a Tab Of E=mc2
Girlfriend: I'm gonna grab a beer, you want anything?
Boyfriend: Uhhh, not now. I've got to be a penny-pincher.
Girlfriend, laughing at own comment: Maybe you ought to pinch it so hard it turns into a dollar.
Boyfriend: That's stupid. That doesn't make sense. How would that even happen?
Girlfriend, indignant: I don't know! I'm a physicist, not a scientist!
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Feynman
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Money | Offers and requests | Questions | Science | Posted 2009-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kids Start Disappointing You As Soon As They Possibly Can
Little girl: Mom, can I buy that doll house?
Mom: No, you don't have enough money.
Daughter: Can't I just use my college money?
Mom: No.
Daughter: But I don't want to go to college, I want the doll house! I don't want to go to college!
Toy Store
Canadia
I Like to Tape Pictures to It
Customer #1: Can you tell me about these TVs? Oh, sorry, I thought you worked here. You are dressed just like them.
Customer #2: That's okay. I don't know much about TVs.
Customer #1: What's to know? You plug it in and connect the cable, right? You probably know as much as them. Now these TVs, if they are digital, which they say they are... do I need a cable box for these or do I just put the setting on cable?
Customer #2: I don't know. I don't have a digital TV.
Customer #1: I don't have a TV either. I'm homeless. I have a radio.
Best Buy
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Scomart
Categories: Clothes | Customers | Maryland | Offers and requests | Shopping | Technology | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Pretty Sure Dead Cow Is My Spirit-Animal
Coworker #1: Our courageous leader tells me our people have fallen on hard times and though the metaphorical rain may fall, our perseverance will prevail, and triumph will soon be ours.
Coworker #2: Weird, dude. Hey, wanna order Jimmy John's with me?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: coworker #3
Categories: Coworkers | Food | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Religion | Weather | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even If You Just Need Someone to Take the Minutes
Man talking loudly on cell: Hey, I heard you have a threesome set up for Saturday! (pauses) Would it be alright if I joined?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I hope he is referring to golf
Categories: Guys | Offers and requests | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Sake Of the Wife and Kids
Obvious minor: Can I get a pack of Marlboro lights?
Mini-mart man: Do you have ID?
Obvious minor, indignant: Yeah, but I don't have it on me!
Mini-mart man: Would you like two packs for $9.45?
Obvious minor: No thanks, I'm trying to cut down.
Greenport, New York
So We're Giving Him My Anal Fisting Videos and Hoping He Can Extrapolate
Middle-aged man: So the other day my friend asked me to borrow some porn tapes. He said he needed to teach his son about the birds and the bees.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the wirled
Categories: Birds | Education | Guys | Insects | Kids | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Porn | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But It'll Ruin That Perfectly Good Wii Controller
Annoyed guy walking with his girlfriend: Whatever... We can do it anally tonight if you want.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Backdoor | Couples | Eavesdrop DC | Offers and requests | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But This Time You'd Better Not Force Your Brother to Eat It
Eight-year-old boy: Hey dad, can I get deodorant?
Father: Uh, sure.
Eight-year-old boy: Yesssss!
A&P Supermarket
Totowa, New Jersey
Categories: Dads | Happiness | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Why Haven't You Helped Me Win Any Grammys?
Female tween, following older brother swimming in restricted area: Mom, can I swim where Dave* is?
Mom: No! Swim back over to the shore.
Female tween, in nasal whine: Oh. Myyyyy. God!
Mom: Hey, I gave birth to you. I am your god!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: matt.
Categories: God | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in PDX | Parenting | Tweens | Posted 2009-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because They Just Laughed at Me When I Asked at Toys R' Us
Guy, walking up to greeter: You wouldn't happen to have any buttplugs, would you?
Target
Little Falls, New Jersey
Overheard by: harry bohemis
Categories: Ass | Clients | Employees | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Reader Survey: What's Going on Here?
Man, chasing girlfriend after party was busted: Bitch, where is my money? Bitch! Where is my money?
Girlfriend: You can't go to jail again, get in my trunk!
Bloomington, Indiana
That's a Map Of Narnia, Jessica.
Girl: Oh my god, can you help me find the Dominican Republic of the Congo on this map?
Westchester, New York
Categories: Geography | Girls | New York | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Flavor? Soylent Green Tea? Rocky Rhoda?
Girl: Look, if I buy you an ice cream, will you stop talking about cannibalism?
Guy: Maybe.
Edinburgh
Scotland
Gotta Love Good Old-Fashioned Southern Courtship
Man in truck to woman in car: Hey there--you want a steak?
Woman: What? No.
Man: Even if it was in a box?
Woman: No, thanks, I'm cool.
Stoplight
Atlanta, Georgia
I Hope I Get a Piece with Hair!
Chick #1: Do you want some peanut M&Ms?
Chick #2: No, thanks.
Chick #1: They touched my crotch.
Chick #2: In that case, sure!
High School Bus
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Elena's the Most Creative Pimp in Canadia
Oldish Ukrainian woman: How you have babies with hips like this? How you do this? So skinny. Tsk, tsk.
Skinny chick: Huh?
Oldish Ukrainian woman: Here, eat my husband's sausage. He fill you up. Eat! Eat!
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: not so skinny
You're Gonna Love Detroit, Sir
Social worker talking to hobo: What can I get for you, sir?
Hobo: How about a 9 mm semi-automatic gun?
Social worker: Well, I can't do that, but do you need bus tickets? Where are you going?
Hobo: Hell.
Social worker: Okay, I'll get those bus tickets then.
Hobo: Your hair's much nicer than mine.
Hospital
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: yooo
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Employees | Evil | Hair | Hobos | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight, on The Little Girls Next Door...
Little boy walking with two little girls: I think we should all hold hands. I think that I should be in the middle so you can both hold my hand.
Keene, New Hampshire
Categories: Hands | Kids | Kids | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Check Your Calendar and Get Back to Me
Woman to husband: Can you run me over on Saturday?
Train
Sydney
Australia
I Promise the Social Worker Isn't Watching
Oblivious 12-year-old in pool, surrounded by floaty toys: Hey, hold my noodle while I mount this whale.
Victoria
Canadia
Everyone Deserves at Least One Brush with Greatness
Woman, searching through bargain bin: Do you want this? This woman taught at Bennington!
Girl: Dude, that's old! She teaches at my school now. Her son was in my class. His lab puppy shat on dreadlock, girl!
Borders
Mansfield, Massachusetts
Categories: Animals | Education | Girls | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Poop | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It Too Late to Start Over?
Customer: Do you sell Elastoplast?
Shop lady: What?
Customer: Do you sell Elastoplast?
Shop lady oh, I thought you said something about "the last of the Apaches."
Customer: That film was called The Last of the Mohicans.
Shop lady: What film?
Glasgow
Scotland
Overheard by: somedaftlassie
How International Incidents Begin
Gate attendant over PA: This is the final boarding call for Singapore Airlines flight 123.
(announcement is repeated several times over there)
Different voice, over pa: Singapore airlines, could you please not make so many announcements?
Airport
San Francisco, California
Categories: Airports & flights | Employees | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | San Francisco | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Kardashian Is Which? Show Your Work.
Girl #1: Oh my god! Look at the little toddler snowsuits!
Girl #2: Will one of you please get knocked up?
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Girls | Kids | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Pregnancy | Posted 2009-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At the Bad First Date Olympics
Woman eating Chinese food to man sitting across: Why don't you try some? It's good.
Man in creepy English accent: No, I get equal or more pleasure watching you eat.
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Food | Guys | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Women | Posted 2009-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Worry - I Left My Pocket Knife at Home.
Three-year-old boy to mom, noticing police officers nearby: Don't do anything bad while you're here. Okay, mom?
Mom: Okay.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: an amused barista.
Categories: Crimes | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Those Are Meat Loaf.
Chubby guy, pointing to cookies: Can I have one from this side where they're, like, actually cooked?
Chow Line
USS Nimitz Carrier
Overheard by: LikesThemBurnt
Categories: Food | Guys | Military | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the Germany Of the United States.
Guy in "I heart NJ" shirt: Could you take our picture?
German tourist: Sure.
Guy in "I heart NJ" shirt: Thanks a lot, man.
German tourist: You luv New Jer-see?
Guy in "I heart NJ" shirt: Hell yeah!
German tourist: You za own-lee vun!
London
England
Overheard by: Joyful One
Categories: England | Feelings | Foreigners | Offers and requests | Questions | Tourists | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Swing by the Great Wall on the Way?
Traveler with heavy European accent: So, can we drive to the Grand Canyon one day? We'd really like to see it while in America.
Dulles Airport
Washington, DC
Categories: Airports & flights | Foreigners | Holidays | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only If You Leave Your Driver's License As Collateral
Goth guy to goth girlfriend: Can I borrow your blood?
Rochester
England
Overheard by: Bewildered Techie
Categories: Couples | England | Goths | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Sally Got Drunk for the First Time
Girl: Do we have any soda?
Guy: We have Pabst. It's pretty much the same.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: sarafist
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Food | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2009-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Like Origami?
Senior citizen: You should see my dick. I only had a quarter of it circumcised.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: b! X
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Old folks | Overheard in PDX | Penis | Posted 2009-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Of Emily Dickinson's Later Work Fell a Bit Short
Literature substitute teacher: Did I hear that correctly? Did you say "Please don't rape me with your feelings"?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: yep, your hearing is perfect.
Categories: Education | Feelings | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teachers | Violence | Posted 2009-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dan: "Wrong Enough to Be Right?"
Girl in class: Dan, can you spread me out? (pause) Oh, that sounded wrong.
University of Northern Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Offers and requests | Sex | Students | Words | Posted 2009-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doesn't Mean I Don't Love You, Dad.
Young college woman on cell: No! No, you may not wear my underwear!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: silver spring
Categories: Clothes | Eavesdrop DC | Offers and requests | On the phone | Students | Undies | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hold On-- Lemme Just Wipe It for Her
Annoyed lady on cell in bathroom stall: Mmm- hmmm... uh-huh, mmm-hmm, yep. Oh, before that, can you tell her to lick my ass, too?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I hope she?s not talking about me.
Categories: Ass | Licking | Offers and requests | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Restroom | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You've Got Game If You Can Pick Up Girls at the Reading Room
Bearded old hobo: Heyyy, Cinderella.
Teenage girl: Um... hi!
Bearded old hobo: Want me to read the bible to ya?
Teenage girl: No thanks, I'm good.
Bearded old hobo: I know you are. (winks)
Outside Christian Science Reading Room
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Christianity | Hobos | Names | Offers and requests | Old folks | Teens | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then I'll Have to French-Kiss You, in a "Thank-You-for-Smacking-Me" Kind Of Way
Marine #1, on plane: Since you got the window seat, I might lean my head on your shoulder for part of this flight. Not in a gay way, more in a I'm-tired-and-want-to-lean-my-head-on-something kind of way.
Marine #2: Alright, but I might have to smack you. Not in an I-hate-you kind of way, more in a get-your-head-off-my-damn-shoulder kind of way.
Airplane
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Airports & flights | Body parts | Georgia | Military | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Threats | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mind If I Feed Her This Pot Brownie?
Sorostitute: Oh my god! Your baby is so cute! How old is she?
Single mom: One.
Sorostitute: Oh my god. She is so precious! I love children, I keep the nursery in church and I used to babysit, like, all the time. Do you think I could...
Single mom: No.
Sorostitute: Hold her?
Single mom: No.
University of Alabama
Categories: Age and ageing | Alabama | Beauty | Biotechs | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How You Know It's Time to Call Jenny
Mother to three-year-old son: Can I call you "my dear"?
Three-year-old son: Can I call you "my moose"?
Austin, Texas
Categories: Animals | Moms | Names | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Texas | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Prelude to This Season's Greatest Love Story
Hobo sitting on sidewalk: Hey, can you spare some change?
Student: Sorry, man. I'm as broke as you right now.
Hobo: Grab a seat.
Guelph
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Hobos | Money | Offers and requests | Panhandling | Students | Posted 2009-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And She Says Yes
Quirky college student: You know it's love when you ask "please, can I suck your dick?"
Friend: Word.
Willamette University
Salem, Oregon
Categories: BJs | Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Offers and requests | Oregon | Penis | Students | Posted 2009-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Licking Above the Waist!
Girlfriend: Hold my hand, Eric. Please.
Boyfriend, yelling: No! Just stop it, okay?
Girlfriend: Come on. Just hold my hand.
Boyfriend: No! I'm not doing that again.
Girlfriend, laughing: Aw, why not?
Boyfriend: Because last time you licked my face!
Lawrenceville, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jake
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Hands | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Trade You for Two Gonorrheas and a Scabies.
Girl, walking barefoot under the rain: Oh, the joys of Richmond. We are so gonna get hepatitis.
Bag lady: No! Don't do that, but if you do... give me some!
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: singing in the rain
Categories: Bag ladies | Girls | Maladies | Offers and requests | Virginia | Weather | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ten Bucks Says They're American
Teenage tourist girl to friend: Wanna play connect the dots with my track marks?
Friend: (laughs nervously)
Teenage tourist girl: Also, if you do that stupid thing with your water glass again, I'm gonna strangle you, and throw you in a pit and put a dead dog on top of your grave. Pass me that cheese?
Pizzeria
Rome
Italy
Categories: Animals | Death & dying | Food | Friends | Italy | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Teens | Threats | Tourists | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About Uncle Walter!
Little girl: Mommy, can I have a bubble bath?
Mother: No, it makes your vagina hurt.
Plantation, Florida
Overheard by: i guess that's a valid reason.
Fucking Buy Some, Drama Queen
Hysterical girl to people around her: Have you got crayons? Have you got crayons? Have you got crayons? Have you got any crayons? Do you have crayons?! Have you got crayons?!?! Argh! No one has crayons!
England
Categories: England | Girls | Offers and requests | Strangers | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perhaps a Brandy Snifter Full Of Ocean Water, Then
Old woman at restaurant: What do you have to drink?
Exasperated waitress: Everything except root beer and chocolate milk.
New Brunswick, Canadia
Categories: Baristas | Canadia | Clients | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Old folks | Posted 2009-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whose Bra Is This, Anyway?
Pretty girl in last night's dress #1: I feel like I smell really terrible. Can you smell me?
Pretty girl in last night's dress #2: Yeah. We should probably take a shower... wash away the sins of last night.
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Bathing | Girls | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Tennessee | Posted 2009-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Just on That Lady's Shoes.
Overexcited boy in cafe: Mum, mum, mum! Can I play with my new toy? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Disinterested mum: Sure.
Overexcited boy, holding toy: Look! I'm holding my winkle. And I'm peeing. I'm peeing all over the drinks. There's wee everywhere!
Disinterested mum: No, there isn't.
Kingston-Upon-Thames
England
Overheard by: Ben
Categories: Drinking & drunks | England | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Pee | Should have used a condom | Toys | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Works More Often Than You'd Think
Crazy hobo: I like your hair.
Girl: Thanks.
Crazy hobo: Can I have it?
Girl: No, it's mine.
Crazy hobo: Oh, okay.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compliments | Crazies | Girls | Hair | Hobos | Illinois | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Out Of What?
Middle-aged woman shopping with husband: If we weren't so old, I would say "let's go into the parking lot and make a baby."
Target
Hackensack, New Jersey
Categories: Age and ageing | Couples | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Sex | Stores | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was Lots Of Fun 'til the Police Arrived
Little boy: How 'bout you get naked, and I get naked, and then we give naked hugs!
St. Joseph, Michigan
Categories: Glad the condom broke | Kids | Michigan | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is There a Toy for Me Anywhere in That?
Small boy: Dad! Dad! Can I have that?
Father: I've told you before, craving leads to attachment.
Toy Shop
Eastern Suburbs, Sydney
Australia
The Best Part Is, They've Trademarked That Name
Friendly waitress, serious: Would you like to order a happy ending?
Lycoming Mall
Pennsdale, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: DazedinPA
Categories: Baristas | Death & dying | Drinking & drunks | Happiness | Malls | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Words | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Getting Lonely All by Myself in This Little Office
Woman on intercom: Would Joe Smithson please report to the guidance office? (pause) Please? Seriously, please, please, please, just come... please.
High School
New Jersey
Overheard by: Miss Fabulous
Categories: New Jersey | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
More Important Than You Knew
Brazilian guy to American: Pleeeeeaaase? Say it. Say it. Say "fucker de matriz" in English.
Brazilian girlfriend: He wants you to say (whispers) "motherfucker".
American guy: Okay. (blandly) Motherfucker.
Brazilian guy: No! Like an American, please!
American guy: Huh? Oh, "muthafucka!"
Brazilian guy, laughing giddily and clapping: Yes! Yes! Muthafucka, excellent!
ViaRail Train
Canadia
Overheard by: Jim
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Foreigners | Insults | Offers and requests | Train | Wishes | Words | Posted 2009-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Have No Idea What's Going on
Economics graduate to friend, looking around sadly at subdued crowd: We should go to the poli sci graduation later. I heard it's riotous.
UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Another Economics Graduate
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Education | Friends | Offers and requests | Science | Students | Words | Posted 2009-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Hillary Rarely Lets Bill Play with Her Things
Girl, referring to a phallic-shaped pool toy: I would like my penis back now, thank you.
Claremont, California
Categories: California | Girls | Offers and requests | Penis | Toys | Posted 2009-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If That's Your Sex Club, I'm Not Interested.
Guy: Hold my backpack for me.
Turkish girl: No.
Guy: If you hold my backpack for me, I'll let you into the European Union.
Middlebury College
Middlebury, Vermont
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Foreigners | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Politics | Stupidity | Vermont | Posted 2009-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gotta Love the New Razr Phone
Freshman girl, gesturing: I bet it's thiiiis tiny!
Big black freshman, barreling up stairs: No! I'll show you!
High School
Skillman, New Jersey
Overheard by: 3 guesses at what they're talking about.
Categories: Black people | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
AndNone Of Your Trickery Is Going to Get Me to Admit That We Do
Patron: Double cheeseburger and small fries, please.
Counter boy: We don't have small fries.
Patron: What sizes do you have?
Counter boy: Medium, large and extra large.
Patron: Which size is the smallest?
Counter boy: Medium is the smallest.
Patron: Fine. I'll take the smallest, then.
Counter boy: We don't have small fries.
McDonald's
Bloomington, Indianapolis
There's One in Every Family
Little boy: Mommmmmm, I want a pet mouse.
Mother: No.
Little boy: Please? It can live in my room!
Mother: No! You know what will happen. I'll spend a hundred dollars on cages and food and toys, and Terry will just eat the bloody thing.
Pet shop worker to little boy: Is Terry your cat?
Little boy: No, my brother.
Pet Shop
Greensborough
Australia
Overheard by: Suitably Impressed
Aren't You Wendy from Season One?
Barista #1: Yeah, Joey does a great Tim Gunn impression. You should ask him to do it for you.
Barista #2: I will. So you really like Project Runway?
Barista #1: Oh my god, yes! Like, I should totally be on that show.
Barista #2: Yeah? Do you do fashion design?
Barista #1: Well, no. But I dress myself really well. And I have really good ideas. But I can't really sew or anything.
Starbucks
Fairborn, Ohio
Overheard by: Barista #3
Categories: About celebrities | Baristas | Clothing | Fashion | Offers and requests | Ohio | Questions | TV shows | Posted 2009-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Judge the Germans.
Mother: Where's Germany?
Daughter: There. (points it out on map)
Mother: That's not Germany! That's Germany! (points to Africa)
Daughter: What? Mom, that's Africa. (points to Germany again) This is Germany. And this is Europe...
Mom: Oh.
Daughter: Holy shit, mom.
Mom: Don't judge me!
Renton, Washington
Categories: Default | Geography | Girls | Moms | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just the Check Then?
Waitress: Do you all need anything else?
Black guy: Do ya'll have some salvation back there in the kitchen?
Black girl: Are you for real? You makin' me laugh so much I'm gonna need a bucket, ya'll got a bucket back there too?
Perkins
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Deanna Gustav
Categories: Black people | Christianity | Default | Employees | Girls | Guys | Indiana | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Nothing Else, Straight Dudes Know How to Potty.
Angry guy: No! We're going to go to the fucking pisser, and then we're going to leave!
(both start towards the bathroom).
Friend: Wait, I don't have to piss, why am I coming with you?
Angry guy: Fuck you, man!
Friend: Seriously, why do you fucking need my help?
Medford, Oregon
See How Their Little Ice Caps Are Melting?
Guy wearing Stanford shirt: Hey, look! Manatees!
Friend: Those are polar bears.
San Diego Zoo, California
Overheard by: Dayum
Categories: Animals | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I've Been Looking to Trade Up
Skanky 20-something girl: So the crack dealer who beat me up in the third grade keeps asking me for my number.
Alterra Coffee
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Default | Drugs | Girls | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Thought All the Whack-Jobs Were on Capitol Hill?
Confused tourist lady, looking at anime convention kids in costume: Excuse me? Do you know what all of this is about?
Local: Yeah, the whack-job convention is in town.
Confused tourist lady: The...the..."whack-job" convention? (looks at costumes) Whack-jobs?
Local: (smacks forehead and turns away)
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Sarah Boyd
Categories: Default | Girls | Kids | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Stupidity | Tourists | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Kind Of a Boy Gives Hugs, Anyway?
Man to son, coming out of restroom: After what you tried to do to Tigger I'm not sure if you deserve that.
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Tracy
Categories: About celebrities | Dads | Default | Florida | Guys | Kids | Offers and requests | Pop culture | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Thought It Would Be a Lot Bigger, Is All.
Little girl in stall with dad: You're silly! This is silly!
Dad, peeing: Nothing is silly in here.
Girl: That's silly. This is silly. Stop.
Men's Bathroom
Hendersonville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Tanner
Never-- Thanks, Labia Clamps!
Woman to friend buying panties: So, are you sure these aren't the ones that will give you cameltoe?
Peoria, Arizona
Overheard by: Giggling cashier
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Clothes | Default | Offers and requests | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Says It's a Slurpery Slope
Blonde teenager: Look at her. She's either a whore or a dyke.
Friend: That's why my dad doesn't let me drink Slurpees.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Dylan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Maryland | Offers and requests | Teens | Posted 2009-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Long-Handled One, If You Follow Me
Drunk student: I want nothing more in life than to be able to turn into a shoehorn.
Vancouver
Canadia
That Would Just Be Icing on the Cake
Woman to friend: I just want a sibling. I don't care if they're into sex.
Marrickville
Australia
Overheard by: Jaclyn
Categories: Australia | Default | Family ties | Offers and requests | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why They Were Kicked Out Of the National History Museum
Gay guy, gesturing at transvestite performing onstage: I don't want to see any more boobs. Show me the dicks!
Gay friends, approving: We want dicks!
DNA Lounge
San Francisco, California
Categories: Default | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Penis | Queers | San Francisco | Sexuality | Posted 2009-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Reader Poll: Is This Gross?
Woman to husband: Honey, can you go to the bathroom so the seat is warm when I use it?
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Default | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Howard Stern Had One Custom-Installed.
Server: We need a button on the computer for this...
Boss man: For what?
Server: Balls on your face.
Midlothian, Virginia
Overheard by: bec-uhh
Categories: Balls | Body parts | Default | Employees | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Servers | Technology | Virginia | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good Luck with That.
Girl #1: You can't save every animal in the world.
Girl #2: You don't think you could save every animal in the world? We could go to the rain forest!
Girl #3: I want to go to the rain forest and save the monkeys and Chihuahuas!
Merced, California
Categories: Animals | California | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Predict the Expression "Fantasy Bar" Will Soon Sweep the Nation
Teen girl eating Fantasy Bar brownie: You want some of my Fantasy Bar?
Male friend, suddenly paying attention: What? Heck yes, it's about time!
Union Station
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Food | Friends | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Questions | Teens | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Grim Reaper: "I Duck Into the Bathroom for Two Minutes..."
Flight attendant, after landing: If anyone left a black coat, please come to the front of the cabin to claim it. (pause) Or if anyone would like to take a black coat for free.
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Flight attendants | Florida | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jerry Springer Expands to Foreign Markets.
Mother to teen son: Your hair needs a cut.
Teen son: Your face needs a cut.
Dad: Your face needs a punch!
Ebdentown
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Family | Guys | Hair | Moms | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Teens | Violence | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Please Direct Any Questions to That Brick Wall Over There
Flight attendant, doing safety instructions before takeoff: Pull on the tab to inflate the life vest. If that doesn't work, blow it up manually. If that doesn't work...thank you for flying Southwest.
Flight over Providence, Rhode Island
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Default | Flight attendants | Names | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Rhode Island | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Re-Enacting the Last Supper with Milk Just Wasn't As Fun
Girl #1: Wanna go to bible study with me tonight? It's really fun! It's gonna be at Stubbs and there'll be free bbq.
Girl #2: You're having bible study at a bar?
University of Texas at Austin
Overheard by: Nicole
Categories: Christianity | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Texas | Posted 2009-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thankfully I've Brought Enough for the Class
Literature professor, after reciting Hamlet's "To be or not to be...": So now you all need a Valium...count on me to ruin your day.
English Lit Class
Anchorage, Alaska
Overheard by: Rosencrantz
But Good Luck Finding Feminist Theory There
Frazzled student at exam pick-up room: Where can I find religion?
Exam worker: The Catholic church across the street?
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mary
Categories: Christianity | Colleges & Universities | Default | Employees | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Questions | Religion | Students | Posted 2009-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Of the Reasons We Came to Thailand.
Girl #1, looking at picture: Oh my gosh! Look, the first aider is totally judging her. If I was passed out from crack, I would so not wanna be judged.
Girl #2: Oh, I know, totally!
Thailand
Categories: Asia | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Girls | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Way Home, She Drove Up on a Curb Going Two Miles an Hour.
Soccer mom who was just given champagne by lady doing her nails: This is my first drink in ten months! Oh my god, I'm buying some of this on my way home!
Nail Salon
Cumming, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Georgia | Moms | Offers and requests | Women | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does That Sound Dirty to Anyone Else?
Teen boy to friends: Wait, how the hell did we start talking about the Swedish mafia?
Teen girl three tables away, leaping out of seat very excitedly: I want a Swedish muffin!
Cafeteria, Corona del Sol High School
Chandler, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Geography | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sorry, I Temporarily Lost Consciousness When You Said "Tasty Man Snack"
Goth girl getting stitches: When I want a tasty man snack, I have me a PB&J!
Skyridge Hospital ER
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Goths | Offers and requests | Words | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Makes You Want to Roll Around in Her, Huh?
Cute girl: This lotion is great! I actually have it on now, and keep smelling myself!
Teen boy, dragged in by his mother: Really? Can I smell you?
Cute girl: Sure! Smell me!
Teen boy: Wow, you do smell great! Mom, smell her!
Soap Store
New York City, New York
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Sensory experiences | Stores | Teens | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Anyone Else Find This Lady Frightening?
Short girl hugging friend: Let's make CocoRosie jokes and spoon.
Basketball Game
Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts
Overheard by: sounds pretty nice to me
Categories: Default | Girls | Massachusetts | Music | Offers and requests | Relationships | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You Know a Football Player Who Died Of a Heart Attack or Stroke
Football player #1: What are you getting?
Football player #2: I think I'm gonna get four hot dogs.
Football player #1: Dude! You're only supposed to eat three a week! It's like...the sodium or something. Three hot dogs have all the sodium you're supposed to have in a week.
Football player #2: You're fucking retarded! I'm getting four hot dogs and I'm gonna eat all four of them in their sodium goodness. Watch me.
Dining Hall, Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Colleen
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Guys | Indiana | Insults | Offers and requests | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Smurfette: "I Paid a Lot Of Money to Even-out These Puppies."
Blonde girl #1: It's like we've tried countless times to get her to stop, and she just calls us "anorexic whores" and tells us she'd rather be "doming up" guys.
Blonde girl #2, laughing: You need a ruin Smurf plan.
Blonde girl #1: But we've tried everything! It's like "get over yourself! You look like a 1980s cartoon character, with uneven boobs and a crazy tan!"
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: BJs | Body parts | Canadia | Character | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Words | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dear Abby-- My Friend Has an "Awkward" Husband...
Woman #1: Oh my god, Jason Statham is so hot! I want to funk him so bad!
Woman #2: I know! When you're done, I'm next!
Hubby of woman #1: And when they're done, I want to smell his cock.
Islip, New York
Overheard by: Who is Jason Statham?
That's What We All Want, Jimbo.
Thug to two others, leaving subway: Yo, let's hurry. I want to get good seats so I can suck her daddy's dick.
Government Center
Boston, Massachsetts
Overheard by: Jchill
Categories: BJs | Default | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Penis | Thugs | Words | Posted 2009-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All Octopus Hymns Have Eight Verses
Chick: I just don't want to sing about suckers with the step family!
Michigan
Overheard by: Meister E.
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | Michigan | Offers and requests | Singing | Posted 2009-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That Won't Give Her a Yeast Infection?
30-something black man on cell: Yeah. Put ketchup on it, it tastes like spaghetti!
All Star Cafe
Berkeley, California
Categories: Advice | Black people | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Guys | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Posted 2009-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Went Into Insulin Shock, the Joke Was on Her!
Loud fat man on bus: When I first found out I had diabetes, I had my wife go out and buy me a big case of pudding cups. I opened each one up and poured them into a tub with some milk.
Friend: Oh?
Loud fat man on bus: My mother-in-law didn't believe I could eat it, but I sat down in front of her and drank the whole thing, just to spite her.
Portland, Oregon
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Fat people | Food | Guys | Maladies | Offers and requests | Oregon | Posted 2009-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Counting the Nuts, Of Course
Young ice cream customer: I'm going to get a large sundae.
Competitive young ice cream customer: Oh, yeah? I once had a sundae that was so big it was...it was... (thinks about it) up to the top of Jesus!
Dairy Queen
Victoria
Canadia
Overheard by: bemused in Dairy Queen
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Food | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: Have You Sustained a U.D.I.?
Bartender to limping girl entering bar: Are you limping? Oh my god! What happened?
Limping girl: Damn, you weren't here last night, I was hoping you'd tell me!
Washington, DC
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bartenders | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Washington, DC | Wishes | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Urinetown: The Musical in a Nutshell
Boy to friends: C'mon, we're going to watch Johnny pee!
New Jersey
Overheard by: CS
Categories: Default | Guys | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Sign Here and Initial Here
Kindergarten teacher: Hey, what are you doing?
Little girl: Nothing, but I can repair it if you want me to!
Kindergarten
Norway
In the Glass Box That Says "Break in Case Of Emergency"
Guy, walking into Planned Parenthood: Hey, I just locked my keys in my car that's just around the corner. Can I borrow a coat hanger?
Girl working front desk: Uh, do you know where you are?
Guy: No.
Girl working front desk: Well, we keep 'em in the back!
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Morgan Roddy
To Be Fair, This Is His Answer to Everything
Instructor to swim class: Okay, who can tell me one thing we can wear to protect ourselves from the sun?
Three-year-old boy, after much thought: Teeth!
YMCA
Easton, Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2009-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why You're Not Supposed to Return to the Scene Of a Crime
Little girl to store employee: Do you remember us?
Employee: Yes, of course I do.
Little girl: Oh, no! Run away! He remembers us!
Mission Viejo Mall
Mission Viejo, California
Categories: California | Default | Employees | Girls | Kids | Kids | Malls | Memory lane | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unfortunately, George Michael Took the Advice.
Kid #1: Yo, man! You're missin' somethin'."
Kid #2: What?
Kid #1: Yeah, you look weird now that you got a haircut.
Kid #2: Huh?
Kid #1: You need to get some earrings!
SUNY
Old Westbury, New York
You've All Done That at Band Camp.
Band instructor, about section: No, no, clarinets! It has to be short! Like pizzicato--pluck it, like a g string!
Band students: (attempting to contain laughter)
Instructor: Aww, c'mon, what the hell!
High School
Mattawan, Michigan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Michigan | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That a Multiple Choice Question?
Hooker, yelling at pimp in parked car: Lemme axe you somethin: fuck you!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: rob w.
Your Editors Are Baffled, but Amused
Girl #1: I wish there were swing sets at college.
Girl #2: I know. Spain better have swing sets.
Girl #1: For when you're abroad?
Girl #2: No, just in general.
Claremont, California
Overheard by: swinging
Categories: California | Default | Education | Geography | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2009-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dear Skanky Girl-- Call Me -- Love, Dave
Skanky girl sitting at outdoor lunch table: I wanna have sex on the bleachers, I wanna have sex in the classrooms, I wanna have sex in the principal's office, I wanna have sex in the teacher's lounge...
High School
Missouri
Overheard by: Jacob
Categories: Default | Education | Girls | Missouri | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Posted 2009-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, I Tried Pilates for You Guys.
Beefy tattooed inmate: Hey, does anyone know how to play twister?
(rest of unit groans)
Vancouver Island Maximum Security Prison
Canadia
Fine-- Just Don't Wake Me
Guy to drunk girl at a party, whispering loudly: Will you have sex with me?
Drunk girl: No.
Guy: Please?
Drunk girl: No.
Guy: Aww...come on!
Omaha, Nebraska
...and Rent All the Cool Cars
Little girl: (talking over airport announcement)
Father: Quiet for a second!
Girl: (continues talking until announcement is over)
Father: Great. What if he was saying "Run! Zombies!"? We'll be sitting here like idiots while the zombies come...
O'Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Family | Guys | Illinois | Offers and requests | Questions | Zombies | Posted 2009-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Will Punch Me in the Ovaries Regardless.
Drunk punk girl #1: Oh my god! Is that a raccoon? I think it's staring at me!
Drunk punk girl #2: That's a fuckin shirt, you retard.
Drunk punk girl #1: Well, if it bites me, I'm punching you in the ovaries!
Drunk punk girl #2, muttering: I need new friends.
Outside Bar
Niagara Falls, New York
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Clothes | Default | Drunks | Girls | New York | Offers and requests | Punks | Threats | Violence | Posted 2009-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Alice Had Yet to Learn to Scream "Back the Fuck Off Me!"
Terrifyingly cheerful woman, handing out christian pamphlets at bus stop: Hello! Would you like something to read on the bus?
Girl, already reading large book: I'm, uh...I'm already...
Crazy looking hobo, scoffing and muttering to girl: People can be insane.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Books | California | Crazies | Default | Girls | Hobos | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Questions | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then We'll Hold This Nice Man Up.
Father with two small sons dressed in Halloween costumes, walking into liquor store: Okay, guys, now pick out the kind of whiskey you want and go put it up on the counter.
Oshkosh, Wisconsin
Categories: Dads | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Kids | Offers and requests | Stores | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Too Realistic, Huh?
Teenage girl on bus: Oh, fuck. What is this world coming to? It's like it gets worse and worse.
Teenage guy sitting beside her: What? No. This wouldn't be the worst thing that's happened. Bad things happen all the time. Think about worse things going on right now, or that have been going on, for like, forever.
Teenage girl: It feels like it's getting worse, though.
Teenage guy: But it's not, though.
Teenage girl: Yeah, but, these bad things keep happening. It always keeps happening.
(pause)
Teenage guy: I wanna go see Watchmen.
Teenage girl: Don't, I heard it's not that good.
Bus
Ontario
Canadia
Every Presentation Was Brought to Us by the Letter "O"
Chick: I was in your area during lunch and thought about asking you to meet me for a quickie.
Dude: What the fuck? And you didn't, because...?
Chick: I had to drive some coworkers back to the city. Wasn't sure what to do with them while we copulated.
Dude: Do what my parents did, sit them down in front of the tv, turn on Sesame Street and turn it up!
Conshohocken, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | TV shows | Posted 2009-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We've Now Lost Brain Cells Just Talking About Texas
Queer: You should move to Texas. You haven't been there yet.
Chick: Are you kidding? I am in no way hot enough to live in Texas. For one thing, I'd need way bigger boobs.
Queer: Oh, honey. That's what plastic surgery is for!
The Castro
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: lucy
Categories: Advice | Body parts | California | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Queers | Questions | Posted 2009-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jeez, Even the Vatican Doesn't Go That Far
50-something clipboard guy: Excuse me miss, do you have just a couple minutes for campus international?
Girl: Sorry, I don't believe in other countries.
University of Minnesota
Overheard by: Cornielius
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Geography | Girls | Guys | Minnesota | Offers and requests | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unlike My Wife
Anatomy professor, turning up lights: Wake up, it's the male reproductive system! How many times have you heard that before? (class laughter) Hopefully not many times before.
UNC
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | North Carolina | Offers and requests | Questions | Sexuality | Teachers | Posted 2009-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But All You Really Need Is Some Concealer and a Dream
Girl #1: So when is that thing you guys are doing?
Girl #2: Oh my god! You have to go! We're all going to get naked and walk around campus all day.
Girl #1: I honestly would, but I have tattoos in some really unconventional places.
Girl #2: Oh, I understand totally.
Chem Lab, William and Mary
Williamsburg, Virginia
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Tattoos | Virginia | Posted 2009-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Some Kids Refuse to Come Out Of Their Shells
Little boy: Mommy, if a turtle has no shell is it naked or homeless?
Mother: It would be dead, sweetheart.
Little boy: That's sad, mommy.
Mother: No, it isn't, dear. Come on, this is our stop.
Metro
Washington, DC
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2009-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Always Wanted a Boy.
Girl to friends: I've always wanted to dress up like Jesus... My grandmother would be so proud of me.
St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Jesus | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes Your Words Just Flow Out, Uncontrollably
Little girl: Is there diarrhea here? I love diarrhea!
Mother: I have no idea what you're talking about, but it doesn't sound good, so stop it.
Target
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Amused Employee
Have You Tried Craigslist?
Woman walking Corgi shouting to woman walking King Charles Spaniel: He wants to meet a licky dog.
Brookline, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Aunt Kelly
Categories: Animals | Default | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wouldn't Steel Birkenstocks Be Uncomfortable?
Drunk girl: I want to be lesbionic!
Georgia Tech
Overheard by: YellowJacketGals
Categories: Default | Drunks | Georgia | Girls | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Technology | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Okay, Partial Credit.
Chick: How can free will and divine preordination coexist?
Dude: Smack da shit out dat ho?
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Words | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nobody Can Do Sexual Harassment Like the Insane
Crazy bag lady, loudly: I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy!
(sits down next to another passenger on the subway)
Crazy bag lady, now in passenger's face: I don't suck dick for pussy!
(female passenger gets up and moves)
Crazy bag lady: Why you jumping? Why you jumping, bitch!? You weren't jumpin' last night when that guy put his long ass dick in you last night!
Female passenger: Excuse me, ma'am, don't say that to me! You don't know me!
(subway train stops)
Conductor: City Hall station!
Female passenger: Excuse me, sir, there's a crazy lady on the subway harassing the other passengers.
Conductor: Oh, could you point her out to me?
(female passenger points to crazy woman yelling)
Conductor: Ma'am, are you bothering people?
Crazy bag lady: Why you tryin' to fuck me standing up!? Why don't you fuck me lying down like a gentleman!
Conductor: Ma'am, I'm calling the police.
Broad Street Line Subway
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Ass | BJs | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Default | Employees | Insults | Offers and requests | Penis | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Sex | Vagina | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Priests Aren't Interested in Me
Sexy blonde: So I was on cross-dresser's wife yesterday.
Okay-looking blonde: What? Where?
Sexy blonde: Cross-dressers wife. Anyway, I was looking for hot cross-dressers to...you know,to...
Okay-looking blonde: I'm not sure I wanna hear the rest, but now I'm morbidly curious. And?
Sexy blonde: I couldn't find any cross-dressers! It was, like, nothing but girls talking about cross-dressing and cross-dressers!
Okay-looking blonde: So? What's wrong with that?
Sexy blonde: A girl's got needs. I can't just get started without cross-dressers. I should sue.
Kansas City, Kansas
Categories: Default | Gender issues | Girls | Kansas | Offers and requests | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Academia's Fried Us All Already.
Professor to unmoving grad students: That's a fire alarm...pay no attention.
Princeton University
Princeton, New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast |