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Paul McCartney and Heather Mills Hammer Out a Payment Plan
Girl: So if you won £100,000,000 on the lottery what would you do?
Guy: Settle some scores. There'd be a few guys from school who'd be going to work one day and suddenly find themselves being bundled into the back of a van with a black bag over their head.
Girl: Then flown out over the north Atlantic, tied up, thrown out of the plane?
Guy: I like the way you think. We should have kids.
Girl: Nah, to get into my pants you'll need to do better than that. £2,000 of jewelery would do it. (cackles hysterically)
London
England
Overheard by: Bleep
What? I'm Buy-Curious.
Cashier: You're all set?
Man: (places Steal This Book on the counter)
Cashier, seeing title of book: Pussy!
Barnes & Noble
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: fionasputnik
Mom Harvests My Pockets When She Does My Laundry
Guy: Do you have any money left?
Chunky 40-something man: 60 bucks, that should be enough to get me by until my mother gives me more.
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Kristin
Categories: Family ties | Guys | Money | Nebraska | Questions | Posted 2011-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Apparently Medicare and Social Security Don't Count
Guy behind deli counter: Does anyone need any help?
Old man #1: What about psychiatric help?
Old man #2: Are you giving or receiving?
Old man #1: I'm on the receiving end of everything. Except taxes!
Gene's Fine Foods
Saratoga, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Employees | Health & Hygiene | Money | Old folks | Questions | Posted 2011-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...No Disrespect to Your Profession, Ma'am
Hobo bundled up on hot day to passers-by: If you were me, homeless, and you had a thousand dollars in your pocket--a thousand dollars and you're homeless--would you spend it on hookers?
Man walking with woman: (laughs)
Hobo, pointing at him: See, you're with me! I knew it!
Vancouver
Canadia
A Plan That Cannot Possibly Fail
Student: Did you know that you can live off of student loans?
Professor: No, you can't.
Student: Yeah. All you do is just keep going back to school, and they'll pay for everything.
Professor: But eventually you'll have to pay them back.
Student: Not if you die.
Nicholls State University
Louisiana
They Also Don't Understand How to Properly Complain About It
Girl: So I booked my cruise and my trip to Florida in the same week. People who aren't Jewish don't understand that going to Florida is not a luxury anymore.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: second cup
Categories: Geography | Girls | Jews | Money | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2011-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: This Message Brought to You by the Society for the Prevention Of Children
Father, dragging boy for being naughty: I have had enough of this! You're a horrible child!
Son: But I won't do it again, I promise! (cries hysterically)
Father: Yes, you said that 13 times ago, but you still do it! You're a horrible boy, so we're going to disown you.
Son: Nooooo!
Father: Shut up.
Telford
England
Overheard by: nicmunn
Marlon Brando's Dream Would One Day Be Realized.
Girl, pulling bills from strapless dress: Yeah! They's my stripper dollars.
Boy: Man! Sure wish I had titties!
Portland, Oregon
I'll Barely Have Time to Throw a Fuck Into You
Guy holding another in headlock and punching him in the face, shouting across road to immensely fat girlfriend: Charl! Get that fucking taxi! We gotta get home or the babysitter'll want extra pay.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
And They'll Be All, "Whooee, One Of Them Fancy Women!"
Woman: I'll be at the bar tonight and I'll be all, "hey guys, I bought this shirt at Kohl's for five bucks! And I'm single! And you won't have to call me ever because I'm from Virginia!"
Raleigh, North Carolina
And Hopefully You'll Have Fewer Trackmarks.
Seven-year-old: Mommy, why is that man going under the train?
40-something woman: Because, sweetie, he works there.
Seven-year-old: He works under the train?
40-something woman: Yes, sweetie.
Seven-year-old: When I get older I wanna work under a train.
40-something woman: Nice, maybe you can pay for my funeral. Not like your older brother...
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Malina
Categories: Death & dying | Georgia | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Moms | Money | Questions | Posted 2011-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Occasionally Grind My Hips. What?
Guy: So yesterday I totally got paid $10 an hour to lay on the floor and do nothing!
Liberal Arts Building, Utah Valley University
Orem, Utah
Now I Know How the Earth Feels
Girl: It seems like every time I see you these days, you're being raped.
Guy: I know... And now I'm not even getting paid for it.
University of Northern Colorado
...It's Medicinal!
Loud boyfriend: Where's the rest of it? You only needed five dollars for the hat. Where's the change?
Loud girlfriend: Give it a rest, Tommy. Okay, I gave you your change.
Loud boyfriend: You know, we need the fifteen dollars for the hotel, and I need hair gel.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Pbritches
Categories: Beauty | California | Couples | Money | Questions | Posted 2010-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Strawberry Shortcake and the Purple Pieman Never Quite Saw Eye-to-eye
Hobo: Hey, can you spare some change?
Girl: I don't have change, but I do have this muffin.
Hobo: Can't buy no weed with a muffin!
Boston, Massachusetts
My Agent's Grooming Me for Beverly Hills Begging
Beggar #1: Spare change?
Beggar #2: Hey, I haven't seen you in a while.
Beggar #1: I just got back from California.
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Holidays | Homeless | Massachusetts | Money | Weirdness | Posted 2010-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just As Long As It's Hot, Steamy Coffee, Okay?
20-something girl, skipping over to expensive jewelery shop window: Ooooh! Sparkly things!
20-something guy: Fuck.
20-something girl, eyes shining with delight: Oh... Look at the rings... They're beautiful! (sighs)
20-something guy: No.
20-something girl: Look at that one! It's cheap!
20-something guy: It's £450!
20-something girl: You just got paid! Oh, look! That one's even prettier and sparklier!
20-something guy: Granted... But there's also no price tag... So it's probably gonna be £1,000 at least.
20-something girl, resignedly: Yeah. (perks up) But you're my friend... (pleading voice) Buy me a ring... Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssse!
20-something guy: Look, for a £1,000 ring I'm going to expect at least a couple of shags.
20-something girl: True. Oh, well. Let's go get coffee. (skips off)
Burlington Arcade
London
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Are You in the Dark About Gay Sexual Slang, Dear Readers?
Gay husband to his husband: It's these Mexican circumstances. Everyone knows when you pass go, you collect $200.
Fairfax, Virginia
I Have Standards; They're Just Substandard
Sorority girl #1: Yeah, I'd give him a blow job him if he gave me $100.
Sorority girl #2: So you'd prostitute yourself for low 3 figures?
Sorority girl #1: No! It's not like I would ever have sex with him, no matter how much he paid me! He's disgusting!
Indiana University Southeast
Is This More Of Your Zen Crap?
Patron #1: Yeah, but everything's different in Hawaii. You can't even buy land there unless you were born there.
Patron #2: Actually, you can.
Patron #1: Yeah, but all their laws are different than ours.
Patron #2: You know that Hawaii is a state, right?
Starbucks
California
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bosses | California | Compare and contrast | Geography | Money | Posted 2010-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's Only One Game in Town and It's Rigged, Dude
Young suit to crying baby he's holding at arm's length: You were a terrible investment.
Young woman: Stop saying that!
Young suit: If he doesn't stop crying, I'm literally going to give him to the next person who is willing.
Young woman, taking the baby: He should be crying. You're an idiot!
Young suit: The sale has now become two for one.
Toys R Us
Bear, Delaware
And Why Do We Always Go to Gay Bars?
Guy: I told him to stop buying me shots.
Girl: That don't mean you got to drink em'!
Bar
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Money | North Carolina | Posted 2010-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Still Think The Bachelor Can't Get Any Worse?
Guy on crutches: I have nothing to offer a woman. It's like, "hey! I live at the homeless shelter, wanna go on a fucking date?"
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Libby
Categories: Bonding | Guys | Massachusetts | Money | Offers and requests | Posted 2010-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But I Haven't Seen a Starbucks for Miles!
American tourist: It's so quaint here. All the pretty houses. It's so romantic.
German host: Uh-huh.
American tourist: What I don't get, though, is why they built it if they don't even charge money for people visiting it.
German host: I think the people living here would feel weird about that.
American woman: Wait, people actually live here??
Regensburg
Germany
The Hot New Game Show That's Sweeping the Globe
Artsy tourist to touristy-looking woman: More cats, more money!
Outside Museum of Turkish and Islamic Art
Istanbul
Turkey
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Middle East | Money | Tourists | Posted 2010-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How the Economy Works: Explained
Teen girl #1: Omigawd, I just realized. If we borrowed five dollars from like twenty people, we'd have eighty dollars!
Teen girl #2: Haha, yeah! Wait. (long pause) Yeah, like eighty dollars!
St Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Had hope for a second, there
K-Fed: Explained.
Scruffy guy: Shit, I'd suck dick for money. I've always kind of wished I was a girl so I could be a stripper... or a whore.
Gainesville, Florida
Ireland: Encapsulated.
20-something boyfriend with arm around girlfriend: God, we've saved a fortune not buying condoms recently.
Girlfriend: Yeah, a few more years of this and a baby will have paid for itself!
Cork
Ireland
Good Job, Guys
Dad: Okay kids, here's a penny for each of you! Throw it in the fountain and make a wish! Mark*, what did you wish for?
Mark*: A cupcake!
Dad: Okay! Joe*, what did you wish for?
Joe*: A garbage can!
Zoo
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
...With a Preference for Manila Sex
Out-of-towner: I like being paid in envelopes; it makes me feel like a prostitute.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jonathan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Foreigners | Jobs & Careers | Money | Pennsylvania | Posted 2010-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kirstie Alley Lights Of Up the Screen in Look Who's Tanning!
Pale girl: Sure, I'll go tanning with you. How much is it?
Dark girl: For the baby bed, only $7.
Pale girl: The baby bed? What's the baby bed?
Dark girl: What you need to do, girl!
Pale girl: Yeah, but do they, like... Put babies in it?
Drexel University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: I wouldn't know either....
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Kids | Money | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2010-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now If Only I Could Marry Louis Vuitton
Really skinny sorority girl: I paid my rent and then I spent the rest, $700, on this new Louis Vuitton (squeals and hugs the purse). But now I have 30 bucks to last a whole month. Looks like I'll be dating for dinner or eating crackers.
Sorority friend: You spent twice as much on your bag as you did your rent! At least you paid your rent on time! Don't worry, you'll find dates. That purse is totally worth it!
Really skinny sorority girl: I know, right, I should just live in my purse. I think that is why married women get fat: they can finally afford to eat. You know my ass is getting fat when I get married.
IHOP
Dallas, Texas
Categories: Ass | Diet & weight | Fashion | Food | Friends | Money | Relationships | Shopping | Skinny people | Sorority types | Texas | Posted 2010-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Flirt With the Homeless, Dude
Gay guy to hobo: Good morning. Did you get a hair cut?
Hobo: (mutters about spare change)
Gay guy: I know you got a hair cut! See, if you would have said hi to me, maybe I would have given you a dollar or something! (starts walking down street) Why do people have to be so ignorant on such a sunny day?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Meater Maid
Categories: Assholes | Bragging | Hobos | Money | Panhandling | Pennsylvania | Queers | Posted 2010-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Seem to Have No Friends, Only Interests
European history professor, discussing WWI: And of course, with Germany's resumption of unrestricted submarine warfare, the United States had its reasons to join the war against Germany.
World-weary student: Not to mention all the loans American bankers needed England and France to win to pay back.
Professor: Some of you are too cynical for your own good.
Montevallo, Alabama
I See Rich People
Mourner at funeral: Tut, one of the undertakers left his jacket on that gravestone.
Son of deceased man: We should check it for money... (whispering) Ghost money!
Graveyard
Cork
Ireland
Categories: Death & dying | Ireland | Magic | Money | Should have used a condom | Posted 2010-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Many Words a Minute Can It Type?
Man to another: What's the street value of a giant frog?
Sydney
Australia
For the Last Time, It Was a Freak Welding Accident!
Guy on cell: Yeah, I get scared when you turn out the lights. (pause) That's not gay. (pause) It's not gay when "turning out the lights" means putting your hands over my eyes while we're test-driving a car that's worth more than your sister's gold plated vahjay!
George Mason University
Virginia
Overheard by: Your sister won
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Fears | Guys | Money | On the phone | Vagina | Virginia | Posted 2010-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Contract Doesn't Permit Me to Draw Any Conclusions
Guy with chocolate bars: Are these really two for two dollars?
Wal-Mart cashier: All I know is they're a dollar each.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: ellie.
And I Haven't Been Mowed in Quite Some Time
Gay son: I need a sugar daddy.
Mother: You and me both.
Gay son: But I have a booty.
Mother, after long pause, and looking out the window: I have weeds where I once had grass...
Murrieta, California
Overheard by: I hope I don't become my mother
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Moms | Money | Queers | Sex | Posted 2010-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like They Taught Us at Harvard Business School
Middle-aged woman on cell: Unless he doubles my salary, I'm not sleeping with him.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Jobs & Careers | Money | On the phone | Sex | Women | Posted 2010-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What? You've Never Heard Of Rounding?
Young teenage girl to friend: $3.25 for a Rockstar? That's like, wait... (pauses for a few seconds) That's like five dollars.
Tacoma Mall
Washington
Overheard by: Not impressed by the math skills of today's youth.
Categories: Money | Shopping | Stupidity | Teens | Washington | Posted 2010-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Also Slices, Dices, and Makes Julienne Fries
Shopper: I don't think I would trust a pregnancy test from a dollar store.
Cashier: Oh, it works. Trust me.
Montgomery, Alabama
Overheard by: not pregnant
...Any More Questions About Your Paper Topics?
Psychology professor: Sex is best. Money is second best. Domestic violence is pretty cool.
Los Angeles, California
Well, Did You Give Them Prozac?
Guy: My mountains aren't blue anymore. I want a refund.
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
Overheard by: Mary
In That It's Entirely Made Up
Guy #1: My boss, who's a Shaolin monk, told me if I saved his school, he'd pay off my loans. He was like "I pay off 1.5 million dollar debt!" and then, for a while, I was dealing with the Russian mafia, so I've been pretty busy.
Guy #2: Man... Your life is like a movie. It's like Karate Kid 15 or something.
Tulane University
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: iwouldtotallywatchthatmovie
Categories: Buddhism | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Louisiana | Money | Movies | Time Management | Posted 2010-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Want Me to Divorce You, Too?
Very well-behaved boy: Mom, I have been so good lately, can I please get a toy?
Very patient mom: Do you have any money?
Very well-behaved boy: Um... no, but you do. I looked in your wallet this morning.
Very patient mom: That's snooping!
Very well-behaved boy: Well, daddy does it all the time!
Salem, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Jenna
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Moms | Money | New Hampshire | Parenting | Questions | Shopping | Should have used a condom | Toys | Posted 2010-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Coupons Are Just What the Government Uses to Distract You from the Aliens
Barista: That will be $9.74, please.
Customer: I have a coupon.
Barista, singing as she rings up new total: Lies, lies, lies.
Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Trouble
Stop Wearing Those Stiletto Boots and Bra-tops and We'll Talk
Communications professor: I mean, I can offer you a dollar for sex or I can offer you a million dollars. You're still a prostitute. We're just haggling over price.
(some female students giggle)
Communications professor: What? Oh, you're laughing because I called you whores?
Otago University
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Insults | Money | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Questions | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Most Exciting Thing That's Happened in Tukwila, Washington in Years
Man on cell in line at bank, clearly agitated: After what happened last time, you expect me to do that? (pause) What? I can't work with that! (dead silence, then yelling) Look, you motherfucker... I know what the goddamn price of heroin is, and that's not it! (runs away from bank, gets on his 745 BMW)
Customer in line: Did he just say what I think he said?
Teller: I totally heard "heroin."
Tukwila, Washington
Categories: Customers | Drugs | Employees | Guys | Insults | Money | On the phone | Washington | Posted 2009-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Just Took a Tab Of E=mc2
Girlfriend: I'm gonna grab a beer, you want anything?
Boyfriend: Uhhh, not now. I've got to be a penny-pincher.
Girlfriend, laughing at own comment: Maybe you ought to pinch it so hard it turns into a dollar.
Boyfriend: That's stupid. That doesn't make sense. How would that even happen?
Girlfriend, indignant: I don't know! I'm a physicist, not a scientist!
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Feynman
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Money | Offers and requests | Questions | Science | Posted 2009-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kids Start Disappointing You As Soon As They Possibly Can
Little girl: Mom, can I buy that doll house?
Mom: No, you don't have enough money.
Daughter: Can't I just use my college money?
Mom: No.
Daughter: But I don't want to go to college, I want the doll house! I don't want to go to college!
Toy Store
Canadia
Regardless, It Fills Us Up.
Girl: I've always wanted to try their maple bacon bar, but I either don't have enough cash, or I'm with someone and we usually either get the baker's dozen... or a penis.
Doughnut Store
Portland, Oregon
Kim Jong-il Actually Pulls Off "Hobo" Flawlessly
Hobo, panhandling to passer-bys: Can anyone spare some change so I can buy a little wine, some booze, some cheese, a little pot... Maybe some nuclear weapons...
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: http://psychedelicmess.blogspot.com
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Food | Hobos | Money | Panhandling | Strangers | Violence | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Sake Of the Wife and Kids
Obvious minor: Can I get a pack of Marlboro lights?
Mini-mart man: Do you have ID?
Obvious minor, indignant: Yeah, but I don't have it on me!
Mini-mart man: Would you like two packs for $9.45?
Obvious minor: No thanks, I'm trying to cut down.
Greenport, New York
And Such Small Portions!
50-something woman: Fine by me! How much cocaine can you even buy for $180 bucks? Probably only, like, a gram. (long pause) Ya know, that's the problem with drugs these days. They are so expensive.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: her niece
Categories: Drugs | Money | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Boyfriend Is Willing to Stick It in Any Cavity
Girl #1: I had to go to the dentist, and I spent over a million dollars!
Girl #2: Oh my god, what did you have done?
Girl #3: She had a dick removed from her mouth.
Peoria, Illinois
Overheard by: Allison
Reader Survey: What's Going on Here?
Man, chasing girlfriend after party was busted: Bitch, where is my money? Bitch! Where is my money?
Girlfriend: You can't go to jail again, get in my trunk!
Bloomington, Indiana
Worst. Magician. Ever.
Girl, paying for something: Oh. hang on, I have more money in my butt.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Girls | Massachusetts | Money | Posted 2009-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About the Guy Who Was Blowing You Yesterday
Policewoman: I seen you beggin'. You don't know that guy, but he gave you money.
Hobo: Sweetness, sweetness, listen. That's my brother.
Policewoman: You have a white brother?
Hobo: My brother in Christ.
Urbana, Illinois
Categories: Cops | Family ties | Hobos | Illinois | Jesus | Money | Panhandling | Questions | Race | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Criss Angel Makes a Tidy Profit at Parties
Drunk man at next table: Butterflies out the arse! And I wouldn't have bet 10 bucks on the sonofabitch!
Sushi Bar
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Sushi Enjoyer
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Insects | Insults | Louisiana | Money | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Please Don't Get Angrified.
Cashier: Sorry, your credit card has been declineded.
Woman: Declineded?
Cashier: Um... Yes, the credit card people declineded it. Like, ya know, it's been denieded.
South Florida
Because You Ate Them?
Man beside pen with goat: I am not paying that much for that! I am not buying your goat!
Goatkeeper: Nobody's buying the goat.
Man beside pen with goat: That's it, I'm taking the goat!
Goatkeeper: Nobody's taking the goat, we're not selling the goat!
Large passerby: There are no goats in Cameroon.
Toronto
Canadia
I Smell a Sitcom Premise!
Drunk tailgater dude: Remember when you paid for that girl I fell in love with?
The Rose Bowl
Pasadena, California
Overheard by: Chad
Categories: California | Drunks | Feelings | Money | Sex | Posted 2009-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Grow Up So Fast
3-year-old in parking lot: Mommy, I want MONEY!
Mother: Yes, honey. Me too.
Gilroy, California
Overheard by: just a cart pusher
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Money | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Undocumented Immigrant Surrogates Exist
Sloppily-dressed teen girl to another: Do you know how many new outfits I would have to buy to carry a baby around for nine months?
Sam Houston State University
Huntsville, Texas
...But Wait: Your Girlfriend?
Dude #1: So, I'm trying to get my girlfriend to cancel her wedding to her friggin abusive boyfriend.
Dude #2: Wait! Your girlfriend?
Dude #1: Yeah, my girlfriend. Her boyfriend beats the shit out of her.
Dude #2: Word?
Dude #1: I mean, it's such a waste of money! They gotta spend money on the hotel and the reception. Such a waste, right?
Dude #2: I guess...
NYS Fair
Syracuse, New York
Traditional Women Expect a High Return on Their Investment
20-something artist: She's pretty puritanical for someone who gets naked for money.
Portland, Oregon
Like, One Containing a Central Venous Line
Middle-aged rich bitch on cell: I'll pay up to $300 for a hat I can't live without, you know?
Washington, DC
Categories: Biotechs | Clothes | Clothing | Money | On the phone | Shopping | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Prelude to This Season's Greatest Love Story
Hobo sitting on sidewalk: Hey, can you spare some change?
Student: Sorry, man. I'm as broke as you right now.
Hobo: Grab a seat.
Guelph
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Hobos | Money | Offers and requests | Panhandling | Students | Posted 2009-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Another Casualty Of the "Math Is Hard" Barbie
Girl to friend: I was like "whatever, bitch! You're not even a real registered nurse. Like you'll be working full time in a doctor's office making $20 an hour, and I'll be a real nurse making $20,000 a year."
Texas State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Money | Science | Texas | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Worked Really Hard to Steal Them.
Hobo: Hey, can you spare some change?
Girl: Sorry, I only have cards.
Austin, Texas
Categories: Girls | Hobos | Money | Panhandling | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Regret to Inform You That New Jersey Was Founded in 1664, Dear Reader
Bimbo #1, buying coffee: Do you ever, like, look at your change and think, "Wow: $16.64. Something totally happened that year!"
Bimbo #2: Oh yeah, I totally agree. Like, if I bought something for like two dollars with a $20 and my change was $19.78, I like might know someone who was born that year!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: BaptistaBarista
You Think They're Gay?
Girl drinking outside: It's just, like, I pay rent to live here, I don't want his semen and her little vagina juices everywhere!
Guy drinking outside: I don't think those guys walking by wanted to hear that.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Guy walking by
I Think He Got the Gist When I Fucked Him and Then Stole His Wallet
Brunette: Was it you that was telling me you told prince charming that you were a whore?
Redhead: You mean Mark*, the rich guy? No, I just told him not to fall in love with me because I was a faithless whore and there was no man on earth worthy of my loyalty. You give a man loyalty and they walk all over you. Besides, I wouldn't describe him as prince charming. More like a toad with money.
Brunette: So you did tell him you were a whore?
Greek Restaurant
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Categories: Bimbettes | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Infidelity | Louisiana | Money | Questions | Restaurants | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Will Strawberry Shortcake Never Learn?
Old woman to daughter: And now she's got no money cause she blew it all on muffins.
Supermarket
Sydney
Overheard by: Anny
No Wonder I Keep Passing Out!
Girl in bathroom stall #1: I have really exciting news!
Girl in bathroom stall #2: You just saved a bunch of money on your car insurance?
Girl in bathroom stall #1: No. When I bought these pants they fit, and now they are too big! I've been trying to lose some weight.
Girl in bathroom stall #2: That's great! What size are they?
Girl in bathroom stall #1: Ummm... 25s.
Girl in bathroom stall #2: That's like a size zero. Why are you trying to lose weight?
Girl in bathroom stall #1: Oh, is that too small or something?
Restaurant Bathroom
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Anorexics | Clothes | Clothing | Diet & weight | Girls | Massachusetts | Money | Questions | Restroom | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Sending Me a Lot Of Mixed Messages
Cashier: Our credit card machine is down right now. Will that be cash or credit?
Customer: Gee, I guess cash... then.
Fast Food Restaurant
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Kate
This Would Be a Lot Less Creepy If You'd Take Off the Nixon Mask
Driver, with boat in tow: How much?
Toll booth operator, in a sing-songy tone: Seven-fiftyyyyy!
Driver: What?
Toll booth operator, sing-songy: Highway robberyyyyy!
Toll Booth, Florida Turnpike
Sunrise, Florida
Overheard by: Broke Commuter
Well, I'm Sorry I Made You Kiss Her Feet...
New Yorker, on cell to fiancée: Honey, all set here for our wedding, when you coming over? I got both of our rings, in nine-carat gold! (appalled silence in carriage) Yeah, your finger's gonna go green and fall off or something? What the hell's wrong with nine-carat gold? Hey! Of course I love you more than I love my mom! Come on! What is this about?
Train
Dublin
Ireland
Categories: Compare and contrast | Couples | Feelings | Foreigners | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Ireland | Money | On the phone | Questions | Relationships | Train | Posted 2009-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Hindsight, the Bible Could Have Been a Lot Worse
Young teenage girl with pink furry boots, rainbow hair, and seven facial piercings: Hey, if you were god, what would you do?
Young teenage boy with shaggy hair, acne, and a little boy face: I'd kill my foster parents.
Young teenage girl, totally ignoring her friend's response: I would totally make the world flat, so we could travel just by folding it in half. Imagine how much time and money I would save everyone!
Packed Train during Rush Hour
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Do You Do, Uh, Blown Glass?
Old Polish lady, bitching about price of handmade jewelry: So you're paying for the hand job and not the stone?
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clients | Jobs & Careers | Money | Pennsylvania | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Do They Need Math Tutoring?
Suit on cell: And then we'll use the leftover money for the Asians!
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: Curious
Categories: Money | On the phone | Race | Suits | Washington | Posted 2009-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Beginning to Suspect They're Not Twist-Off
Girl #1: Yeah, bananas cost less than apples.
Girl #2: No way, I'd totally choose apples over bananas.
Girl #1: Really? I'd choose bananas, they fill me up more.
Girl #2, thoughtfully: I can't open bananas.
Canadia
There's One in Every Family
Little boy: Mommmmmm, I want a pet mouse.
Mother: No.
Little boy: Please? It can live in my room!
Mother: No! You know what will happen. I'll spend a hundred dollars on cages and food and toys, and Terry will just eat the bloody thing.
Pet shop worker to little boy: Is Terry your cat?
Little boy: No, my brother.
Pet Shop
Greensborough
Australia
Overheard by: Suitably Impressed
She's Also a Terrific Driver.
Asian girl #1, looking at yogurt display: Ten for seven dollars, what is that?
Asian girl #2: I don't know, I don't want to do the math.
Los Angeles, California
Probably Not Abortion Doctors.
Student on phone: Did you know doctors get fifty percent off of Domino's pizzas?
University of Sussex Campus
England
Overheard by: Zaney
Categories: Colleges & Universities | England | Food | Jobs & Careers | Money | On the phone | Questions | Students | Posted 2009-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Still Got All Muddy, But I Was Paid for It.
Office worker: Well, I almost went to Woodstock, but then an opportunity to make money came up.
Shout-out: evadne-noel.livejournal.com
Categories: Compare and contrast | Coworkers | Money | Music | Other sites | Posted 2009-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Show a Man a Waxed Pussy and You Could Have Brillo on Your Legs
Bikini gal to friend: Wow! Do you ever shave? Your leg stubble just about took my eye out!
Friend: Please, I just spent $85 dollars on a Brazilian wax...look!
Bikini gal: Okay, Brittany, pull your fucking suit up! I'm just talking about your legs!
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: zelph
She Won't Even Buy "Fancy" Ketchup
Girl, looking at a bag of chips: How about these?
Friend checking for price: They're three dollars.
Girl, putting back the bag of chips: Dayuuummm! We don't need anything that fancy!
Grocery Store
Michigan
Overheard by: just buying some salsa.
Are You Allowed to Give Me That Advice?
Student, yelling at no one in particular: I can't believe this stupid book is $52! It's a fuckin' softcover 40-page book!
Bookstore employee: Dude, just photocopy it and return it.
Student: Ohhh! Good idea! Thanks!
Bookstore
Los Angeles, California
One Of These Days, We Should Get a Dog.
Woman on cell: No no no...I haven't been doing much shopping at all. The only thing I've bought is a fur dog collar. It was only $300!
Park City, Utah
And the Trendy Diseases?
Hot girl: I've spent so much on condoms since I got here that I think it would be cheaper to just have the damn kids by now.
Westwood, California
Categories: California | Condoms | Default | Family ties | Girls | Kids | Money | Pregnancy | Posted 2009-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Ever Even Been to New York City?
Student, talking about Marxism and class struggle: Above ground, it's really nice, and there are buildings and cars, so that's the bourgeoisie. And underground is the proletariat, because it's messy, and it's basically just...dirt.
(class nods in silent awe).
High School
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: embarassed to be here
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Money | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Stupidity | Washington | Words | Posted 2009-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Judge Me When You've Walked a Mile in My G-String, Okay?
Stripper, yelling at boyfriend: You don't have to shave your vagina everyday to get tips from bald, fifty-year-old men!
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: late night studier
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Employees | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Money | Nebraska | Vagina | Posted 2009-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Lifetime Television Becomes a How-To
Girl #1: I was watching tv last night, and this girl was prostituting herself to pay for med school...
Girl #2: That is such a good idea!
UC Berkeley, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Girls | Money | Technology | Posted 2009-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Give Me Back Those Quarters.
Dad to son: I don't need to pay someone 50 cents to tell me that I'm overweight.
Pheasant Lane Mall, New Hampshire
Categories: Dads | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Malls | Money | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Same with Underaged Hookers
Dude #1: Do you smoke?
Dude #2: No.
Dude #1: You should. It's really cheap here.
Java
Indonesia
Overheard by: not the person who overheard this (whatupM!!! : P)
Translation: "Welcome to New York, Muthafuckaaaas."
MTA worker to tourist mom buying tickets with daughter: 10 dollars.
Mom: Oh, but she's a student.
Worker, looking at daughter: Oh! How nice for you! (looks back at mom) Ten dollars please.
Subway Station
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Glad thats not my cheap-ass mom
Categories: Compliments | Default | Education | Employees | Moms | Money | New York | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Tourists | Women | Posted 2009-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Stop Putting Price-Tags on My Bedroom Furniture
Girl on cell: You're my mother, not a pawn shop!
Berkeley, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Money | Posted 2009-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Wrote "Blow Job" in the Comments Field
Guy on cell phone: I think it would look really bad if you gave me a check for $1000.
University Library
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Money | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As My Grandma Always Said to Me.
Calculus lecturer: If I had 20 million dollars to give you as a gift...I would, just to see you fuck up.
Perth
Western Australia
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Gifts | Money | Words | Posted 2009-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Get That Hannah Montana Ringtone I've Been Wanting
Hipster boy: So, are you doing that post-bac pre-med thing?
Hipster girl: I dunno...I don't really know what I wanna do.
Hipster boy: Really, you don't wanna do medicine anymore?
Hipster girl: I dunno, I wish I could like, win the lottery. Then I'd go to like, Ghana, and just save people.
NYU Elevator
Categories: Default | Girls | Guys | Hipsters | Jobs & Careers | Money | New York | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Wishes | Posted 2009-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Suppose the Holes in the Balls Are Also Off Limits?
Vice principal: Listen up, everyone! The rules of the school also apply at the bowling alley. If you smoke, drink, or do drugs, we will call the cops. If you break anything, you will have to pay. If you hump the ball machine for the sake of irony, you will be sent home. That means you, Aaron*!
Aaron*: Aw, man!
High School
Englewood, Colorado
In Her Basement
Woman #1: He's 41 and a millionaire, what's wrong with him?
Woman #2: He lives with his mother.
Geelong
Australia
Overheard by: laughing
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Default | Family ties | Money | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yahoo Fetish Groups: "Ahem-- "Nobody"?"
Passenger #1: I broke up with my woman because she spends all her money on crack...she crazy.
Passenger #2: Ah, that's no good.
Passenger #1: I know...and pretty soon she gonna run out of money.
Passenger #2: Really?
Passenger #1: Yeah, I told her too many times ain't nobody gonna want a senior citizen as a prostitute.
Passenger #2: Damn.
Greyhound Bus
Montana
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Guys | Money | Montana | Relationships | Posted 2009-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The PTA Thought It Would Be a Better Fundraiser Than a Bake Sale
Indian tourist outside strip club: So you pay money, and a lady dances for you.
Mum: Well, that sounds delightful.
Whitechapel
London
England
Overheard by: Chinese cockney
By Show Of Hands, Who'd Give Him the Money Without Hesitation?
Flamboyant black man to woman waiting at crosswalk: Oh, thank god for a sister! I need some money for the bus and I just know you'll help me out, little white barbie sister!
Saint Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Margie
Categories: Black people | Default | Family ties | Guys | Missouri | Money | Public Transportation | Queers | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Last Time, Tommy, You're Supposed to Do That to Old Ladies
Little boy hitting trash can: I demand this trash can to give me money!
Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium
Tacoma, Washington
Categories: Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Money | Offers and requests | Tourist attractions | Washington | Posted 2009-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Remember When You Tried That in the Pew at Your Uncle's Funeral?
Guy on cell : Yeah, dude, I got her tickets to the Met! $15 seats, so we're way up there, but we're on the aisle too, so we won't get interfered with while we're going at it. (a few minutes later) So the loss of my virginity is imminent.
Jersey City Light Rail
New Jersey
Overheard by: twoferrets
Depends Who You Ask
Trixy McBimbo: Is "artillery" another word for money?
Loyola University
Chicago, Illinois
Accidental Marriages Happen All the Time in Portland
5th grader boy #1: She's my girlfriend, not my wife.
5th grader boy #2: Are you going to marry her?
5th grader boy #1: No, but I could.
5th grader boy #2: No way!
5th grader boy #1: Yeah, all you have to do is buy a diamond ring. Or really, any kind of ring.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: amy.
Categories: Default | Gifts | Guys | Money | Overheard in PDX | Questions | Relationships | Students | Posted 2009-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Can Find It on My Boyfriend's Computer for Free
Girl eating pasta: I can't pay 30 pounds for gay porn!
London
England
It's Easy for the Deaf to Maintain Friendships
Old woman #1: She tried putting it everywhere, in the lamp and the overhead light, nothing worked.
Old woman #2: The violin is not my favorite instrument. It's too high pitched.
Old woman #1: I'm worried someone might steal the soup from the church, you never know who's in there now.
Old woman #2: Of course Justin never paid that bill, so I covered it for him.
Train
Melbourne
Australia
First Of All, There's Hardly Any Literacism There.
Elderly man to elderly gaggle: Why's everyone wasting their time trying to raise money for Africa? Africa's a wretched country.
Max's German Restaurant
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Default | Geography | Guys | Money | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Questions | Restaurants | Posted 2009-02-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Anally
Sociology professor: This course is cheap, but I'm expensive, so please make use of me.
Boston University, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Massachusetts | Money | Teachers | Posted 2009-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Heart Zippy Unironically
Teen prep: Shell is a lot more expensive than GetGo these days. (later) I'm missing a lifetime movie right now!
Father: She's like Zippy the Pinhead!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Shoppy
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Guys | Money | Names | Pennsylvania | Pop culture | Students | Posted 2009-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Main Problem Is the Language Barrier
Young man: I love living in Honolulu, but everything's so expensive. I can barely afford just to live. It's actually pretty common to buy milk for eight dollars a gallon!
20-something girl: Wow! Really? What's the exchange rate there?
Young man (looking rather baffled): It's about one to one.
20-something girl: Oh, well, that's not too bad.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Brian
Clearly You've Never Been to Wellesley
Boyfriend: What, forty dollars for a bra?!
Girlfriend: That's quite cheap for one.
Boyfriend: I'm glad I'm not a girl.
Girlfriend: Me too.
Boyfriend: Why's that?
Girlfriend: Because you'd be the dirtiest girl I know.
Farmers
Masterton
New Zealand
Categories: Clothes | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Money | New Zealand | Questions | Posted 2009-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It May Be the First Test I Pass This Semester!
Girl: Where you going?
Guy: I am gonna go get tested for AIDS!
Girl: What?
Guy: You know, HIV! It's free!
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
To Avoid Shopping Tantrums, See That Your Husband Is Properly Fed and Watered
Husband trying on sandals: There's too much bullshit. What is all this bullshit on here?
Wife: I don't know...there's a lot of stuff.
Husband: It's too much bullshit. I'm not paying for all this bullshit.
Leesburg Corner Outlet Mall
Leesburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Nat
Why Did People Kill Each Other Before Cell Phones?
Loud man on cell: Yeah, 800,000 dollars. But let's just keep this between ourselves, okay?
Packed Commuter Train
Toronto, Canadia
Overheard by: M@
And I Had Seventeen Ping Pong Balls Ready for Exvagination
Nurse #1: How was your weekend?
Nurse #2: It was great, except Heather* got kind of wild. I mean I've never seen anyone be...first drink they're fine, second drink they're fine, third drink they're naked and pole dancing.
Nurse #1, shaking head: Wow.
Nurse #2: Yeah, it was probably a mistake to go drinking at the bar she used to work at.
Heather*: I don't remember any of it, but when I got home my bra was filled with twenties.
Albany General Hospital
Albany, Oregon
Categories: Clothes | Default | Drinking & drunks | Jobs & Careers | Money | Nurses | Oregon | Women | Posted 2009-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was an Art History Major
Pre-hipster eyeing Harvard t-shirt: What do you mean you can't afford it? But you graduated from there. Isn't that the whole point of going there?
Prudential Mall
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by:
The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades
20-something guy that obviously just woke up: So, do you think we'll have enough money to apply for college later today?
20-something girlfriend, also still bed-headed and yawning: Are you kidding me? It's 5 am and we're stoned. We'll talk about this later.
Bus
Dallas, Texas
Every Mission Impossible Sequel Is Weaker Than the Last
Small child: Hey, dad, can we take the quarters out of the fountain?
Father: Not now. That's what we do after dark, when we put our ski masks on.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: rappeling from the ceiling for spare change.
Categories: Dads | Default | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Kids | Money | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2009-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Never Take That Option Off the Table
Old man pushing shopping cart, singing happily to himself: Maybe I should get an 8-million-dollar lawsuit against my own family!
Seattle, Washington
You Can Pay a Dominatrix with a Gift Card. True Story.
Girl #1, entering mall: Do you think you can pay a drug dealer with a gift card?
Girl #2: That would be so cool!
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Christmas Shopper thinking to same thing
The Heidegger Hobo Also Plays Fundraisers and Private Parties
Homeless guy to girl passing by: The economic downturn has thrown me into an existential panic! (girl looks at him quizzically) Yeah, us street folk feel that shit too.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Alessa Colaianni
...Can I Have That Back Now?
Hobo: Anyone got a dollar? I'm hungry as hell.
Fat girl: Here you go, man. (gives him a five)
Hobo: Thank you! Thank you! Now, see, because she's fat--no, I say healthy. I like my women healthy, gives me something to grab onto. Now, because she's fat, she knows I got to eat!
Fat girl: Umm...
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Fat people | Food | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Hobos | Money | Offers and requests | Panhandling | Sensory experiences | Wisconsin | Words | Posted 2008-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's in Training for the Cobra Fight
Woman, paying for breakfast: I had to beat up my son for this five dollars.
Deli Counter
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Minivet
For People's Pet Rocks.
Passerby to friend (excitedly): We should so sell bottled dirt!
KSU
Manhattan, Kansas
Overheard by: Nicole
Categories: Cleanliness | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Kansas | Money | Offers and requests | Shopping | Posted 2008-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When, Really, They Go Together Like a Wink and Smile
Loud 40-something: The government wants to cut down on unplanned pregnancy and decrease abortions, but a dozen condoms is as much as a 12-pack of beer? Hello, middle America is not choosing condoms over beer!
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Money | Politics | Pregnancy | Vermont | Posted 2008-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...How's That for a Birthday Card?
Tough guy who waxes his eyebrows: Yeah, my old girlfriend was smart. She didn't let me take any pictures or videotape her while we were fucking. This new chick...if she's ever famous, I'm rich!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Money | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who We Are As Kids Is Who We Are in Life
Friend #1: Do you remember when we were little and I used to show the neighbor's boys my boobs so they'd give me candy? Bet you're glad I stopped doing that!
Friend #2: What are you talking about? The only thing that's changed is your form of payment! You just finished telling everyone not two minutes ago how last week you won $200 on amateur's night when you went to the strip club with the guys!
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Categories: Candy | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Memory lane | Money | Nipples | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Said I Could Have Whatever I Wanted for My Bar Mitzvah
Teenage boy to father: I've been talking to a Thai lady on the internet and, I'll bring her to New Zealand for only $50,000!
Father: Is she genuine?
Teenage boy: Genuine Thai lady-boy!
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Tessa
Categories: Dads | Default | Gender issues | Geography | Guys | Internet | Money | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But, Like Gas, Less Expensive If You Pump It Yourself
Girl #1: I can just ask Jay if I can borrow his truck.
Girl #2: Do you ever give him gas money?
Girl #1: No, I give him sex.
Girl #2: But gas is expensive...
Girl #1: And sex is expensive if you have to pay for it.
North Bay
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Money | Offers and requests | Sex | Posted 2008-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Hippies So Often Make Millions... Oh, Wait
Hippie, addressing group: If you can get you guitar to play music at the same frequency as telepathy, you'll make millions!
Portland, Oregon
Boys: I'm Keeping It in My Pants Now, Thanks Anyway
High school girl #1: I'm so glad I only have one baby daddy. I feel sorry for those girls with more than one! You've gotta figure out who has money and who doesn't.
High school girl #2: That is so true!
Grocery Store
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Just doing my grocery shopping
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Money | Relationships | Stores | Teens | Texas | Posted 2008-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Our Disastrous Trip to Thailand Was Any Indication
Frizzy-haired college girl: Are you seriously asking me to to sell myself so you can hitchhike to Sicily?
Friend #1: There are so many things wrong with that sentence.
Friend #2: Yeah. Like first of all, no one in Italy would want to pay for you.
UC Davis
Davis, California
Overheard by: Passing Student
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Geography | Girls | Money | Offers and requests | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2008-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Calista Flockhart's Parents Had the Right Idea
Professor, talking about his eight-year-old son: Don't invest in anything that eats.
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Do I Question the Priest in Church?
Husband: How can women spend so much money on purses?
Wife: Shhh!
Coach Store
Pennsylvania
Categories: Couples | Default | Gender issues | Guys | Money | Pennsylvania | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm a Strong Proponent of Laissez-Éclair Ideology
Professor: So where else could the US get money for the $700 billion dollar economic bailout other than the American taxpayers?
Student: I think that they should have a bake sale!
Meredith College
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jen
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Money | North Carolina | Politics | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Boy Are My Arms Tired!
Hootchie #1: Yeah, we just got back from a dildo party.
Hootchie #2: And we smell like two-dollar hookers!
Des Moines, Iowa
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Hoochies | Iowa | Money | Sensory experiences | Toys | Posted 2008-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Haven't We Established That It's 42?
Dopey girl: I once figured out the secret of life.
Friend: Really? What?
Dopey girl: You see, that's the problem.
Friend: What do you mean?
Dopey girl: I forgot it.
Friend: Well, that sucks.
Dopey girl: Yeah. I would've made a lot of money off of that too.
Friend: Well, if it comes back to you...
Dopey girl: Oh--don't worry. You'll be the first to know.
Running Track
Loganville, Georgia
So I Just Raised One Eybrow and Smiled at Her
Guy on cell: And I wanted to say, essentially, "Bitch, my office manages eight billion a year, so shut the fuck up"--but in the refined and enlightened way one would say such a thing in the country club dining room.
Santa Rosa, California
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Guys | Insults | Money | On the phone | Posted 2008-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where an Ancient Tribe Had Scrawled Its Secrets on the Stall Wall
Teacher: You know, when I was your age we didn't have classes like this. If you wanted to learn about personal finance, you got a job. If you wanted to learn about sex, you went to the bathroom.
Rock Bridge High School
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Default | Education | Masturbation | Memory lane | Missouri | Money | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Teachers | Posted 2008-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Puberty Should Be Fun
Precocious five-year-old girl: Lipstick! Lipstick! I want lipstick!
Harried mother: Okay, fine, you can pick out one lip gloss. But your father will get really mad if he finds out, because he says...
Precocious five-year-old girl: I know, he says, "we shouldn't waste money, blah blah blah..."
Target Cosmetics Section
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Becca
Except Perhaps 'Thanks for Paying My Salary'
Man on street (asking for donations to a charity): You wanna donate?
Man #1: What about all the money I pay in taxes? That's a donation.
Man #2: Oh shit, I don't even know what to say to that.
16th & Chestnut
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: indigo
Categories: Default | Guys | Money | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2008-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are These Bills Sticking Together?
Woman: Sorry, I have to pay in singles.
Cashier: That's okay, people do all the time. (asking innocently) Are you a waitress?
Woman: No, honey. My career is a little less wholesome than that.
Cashier: (stutters and looks at her screen) Alright then, your total is $27.45.
Kroger
Cincinnati, Ohio
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Jobs & Careers | Money | Ohio | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Not Even Fake Hipster Poor!
20-something guy: It's a good thing it didn't work out. She was poor.
Rock Climbing Gym
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: tangotravellers
Categories: Default | Guys | Money | Relationships | San Francisco | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Write Angry Slam Poetry. Whichever Is Less Humane.
Wild-haired diner outside restaurant (seriously): If I don't get tenure next year, I don't know what I'll do. I'll have to ... I don't know ... I'll have to just blog about it.
Bloomsbury, London
England
Poor Prince Harry
Girl #1: Yuck! You dated him? Why?
Girl #2: Well, I thought he was cute, but it turns out he was really just rich.
Manuel Antonio
Costa Rica
Categories: Beauty | Default | Girls | Money | Questions | Relationships | South America | Posted 2008-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As A Matter of Fact, Yes
Woman deli worker to male worker: Three dollar juice? Shit, what are you, a millionaire?
eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Eavesdrop DC | Money | Questions | Women | Posted 2008-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Would You Find Feather Boas That Small?
Cute girl: Do you think I could make money if I started a toe burlesque?
Chambersburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: gidgetgirl
Last Time I Tried That, the Other Girl and I Both Ended Up with Concussions
(women's restroom, a man in a Santa suit enters)
Drunk woman: Hey, you're not a boy!
Restroom attendant: You mean he's not a girl.
Drunk woman: Yeah, you're not a girl!
Drunk Santa: Ho ho ho, ladies! I just wanted to see what you wanted for Christmas!
Drunk woman: Huh?
Restroom attendant: I want money, haha!
Drunk Santa: Then cross your labia, ladies, and merry Christmas!
(he leaves)
Drunk woman: Wait, what?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Professional Jello Wrestling Has Its Pratfalls, Sweetie
Girl: But I showered for you this morning!
Boyfriend: So you don't want to go?
Girl: I didn't say that, but you made me get cleaned up this morning, and now I'm just going to get dirty. You better pay my water bill, for all these showers you make me take.
Quiznos
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Believes in no-strings-attached hygene
I Don't Think I Wanna Play Dungeons and Dragons with You Anymore
Serious biker: Virgins are great! You can use them as currency.
Blowfish Sushi
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: tangotravellers
Categories: Assholes | California | Default | Guys | Money | Restaurants | Virginity | Posted 2008-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The British Pudding Market May Fall to Its Knees
Old bearded man with Eastern European accent: The cost of blood is really going up.
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Sophie
More of A Guideline, Really
Guy: She's Irish, so I really hope at some point she says: "Shut yer piehole!"
Girl: I could pay her ten bucks to say it, unless that violated the pie hole code.
Guy: First rule of pie hole: There is no pie hole code.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tim
If He Dies, They'll Probably Let You Cut All the Lines
Eight-year-old kid in line for Universal Studios park ticket: I know how to get a discount ticket.
Eight-year-old friend: How?
Eight-year-old kid: You get your friend to come along with you, then you stab him in the neck and say "My friend's dying, can we have discount tickets?"
Universal Studios
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Friends | Kids | Kids | Money | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Tourist attractions | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He Was All, "But I'm Just the Babysitter!"
Lady to friend: So I told him... ten dollars for a hand job!
Friend: Good for you! What an asshole!
Ashland & North Ave
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compliments | Default | Friends | Illinois | Insults | Money | Offers and requests | Sex | Women | Posted 2008-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Don't, May God Have Mercy on Your Souls
(the road is closed for Chinese New Year parade)
Bus driver: Folks, we'll be alright. We're going to take a right on Sansome, a left on Broadway, and a left on Stockton. We'll rejoin the original route at Stockton and Sacramento. Don't worry. Everything will be alright. As long as I still get paid, it's okay.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Bus | Default | Feelings | Jobs & Careers | Money | Public Transportation | San Francisco | Threats | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So If Anyone Requires a Strip-o-Gram...
Law professor: I don't get paid very well at this job. And I need beer money.
SFSU
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: RL
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Gripes | Jobs & Careers | Money | San Francisco | Teachers | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Guess That's What They Want. What They Really, Really Want
Random guy, outside bank: I don't get it! It's like they're spending their money on Spice Girls tickets instead of drugs!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: irina