Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

Who Was Just in a Coma.

Mom: You know, I necked in that funeral home.
Daughter: Mom!
Mom: Oh, honey, it wasn't with a corpse or anything. It was a preacher's son!

West Virginia

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Dan Brown Totally Deserves This

50-something white-haired British guy: I know you!
Stranger: No sir, we haven't met.
50-something white-haired British guy: I remember you from before!
Stranger: I'm sorry sir, I just don't remember you.
50-something white-haired British guy: I was there too! We were both knights of Templar! You were Mary Magdalene's personal guard... How have you been all these years!?

Grand Canyon
Arizona

Overheard by: J

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But I Had a Rockin' Sweet 16

Male ethics professor: I was generally seen as a spoiled little bitch.

Grand Rapids, Michigan

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Clearly, It's Unforgettable

Girl: Hey, do you remember that show The Littlest Hobo?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: That's all. I just wanted to remind you of it.

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Meech

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Every Soap Opera, in a Nutshell.

Guy #1: Hey man, how've you been?
Guy #2: Aren't you supposed to be dead?

Chicago, Illinois

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Unless It Was in Vegas, in Which Case It Stays There.

Defense lawyer, teaching trial advocacy: But remember that in real life, nobody charged with marijuana possession is actually going to go to trial.
Law student: Last summer when I was working at the legal clinic I had a client who was charged with possession go to trial!
Defense lawyer: What? In fifteen years of practice, I've never seen it go to trial.
Law student: Yeah, the prosecutor was being a dick about it too--he wanted jail time.
Defense lawyer: Who was the prosecutor? Tell me his name, I'll tell you if I ever got high with him.

Law School
Canadia

Overheard by: Law student

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Which Was Also Wrong, But Seemed So Right at the Time

Girl, about test: Um, I got number 34 right and it's marked wrong!
Rest of class: Yeah.
Professor: I know. I already gave you all credit. Just ignore that, it must be some leftover meth use from my college years.

Auburn, Alabama

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Loved the Dirges.

Guy in leather to another: I remember when I was a slave...

Dore Alley
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Out taking photos

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We Should Schedule a Stroll Around the Grounds

Very elegantly dressed man: I'm trying to remember if I've ever mowed a lawn... No, I don't think I have.
Very elegantly dressed woman: Hang on, do we even have a lawn?
Very elegantly dressed man: Of course we do.
Very elegantly dressed woman: Oh, I remember now. We have a lot of lawn.

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: MaggieB

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Instead Of Herpes

16-year-old student: Ah, those were the days... people talked on the phone, and phones got phone calls...

High School
Binghamton, New York

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Preparing Me for the Cattiness Of Academia

Statistics teacher: There is a correlation between cats and happiness. Cats make people happy. But not all cats. I still have nightmares about some cats. When I was a little girl, there was this cat, Greta, who lived outdoors. I wanted to pet her, but she scratched up my whole arm and got her claws into my protoplasm!

Atlanta, Georgia

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Earlier Today?

Teenage boy: Hey, James, don't you remember when you stuck Smarties down your shirt and rubbed them on your nipples?

On the Bus
Canadia

Overheard by: Kels

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Any Questions?

Woman, showing friend around: And this skyline is where I had my first pregnancy test. It was negative.

Ludlow
Cincinnati, Ohio

Overheard by: Alison

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That's the Answer to "Why Do You Want This Job"?

Kid with eyebrow piercing: I remember when I was a little kid, every time I would wet the bed I'd dream I was Aladdin swimming through a warm creek.

Cedar Springs, Michigan

Overheard by: Ron Wheaton

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Then There Are the Things I Pretend to Forget

Older lady to friend over lunch: When I remember things, I remember them. But when I forget them, I forget them.

Vancouver
Canadia

Overheard by: Having breakfast nearby

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Our Mental Instability Is the Glue That Binds Our Friendship, Sadie.

Purple-haired girl on swing: I love the swings. When I was a kid I used to just sit on them for hours, having panic attacks.
Punk girl on swing: Holy fuck, you too!?

Bakersfield, California

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It Didn't Start Out As a Skirt

Loud high school chick in back of the bus: Remember when Amanda was wearing that skirt and she farted? It sounded like she dropped a fucking bomb! Wheeee-boom! Everyone applauded, it was that fucking cool.

Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: bitingontinfoil

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The Hoboes Were Immaculate

Guy walking out of a narrow alley: That was the cleanest dark alley I've ever been in.

Montclair, New Jersey

Overheard by: Maggie

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Sylvia's Whole Life Is a Word Problem

Annoyingly talkative woman: I got my pumpkin t-shirt at Old Navy eight years ago. I wear it every year. But I've only worn it... eight times!

Commuter Train
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: M@

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Along With Everything I Learned in Grade School

Drunken girl #1: Ah, that tubby boy kissed me.
Drunken girl #2: Doesn't matter, just remember the rule.
Drunken girl #1: "We don't share"?
Drunken girl #2: No, the other rule.
Drunken girl #1: "Your dress can be as short as you like, as long as you're wearing stockings"?
Drunken girl #2: No. The "if you don't remember it, it didn't happen" rule.
Drunken girl #1: Oh, I'm forgetting it now, then.

Sydney
Australia

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Why You're Not Supposed to Return to the Scene Of a Crime

Little girl to store employee: Do you remember us?
Employee: Yes, of course I do.
Little girl: Oh, no! Run away! He remembers us!

Mission Viejo Mall
Mission Viejo, California

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So the Giant Swastika Tattoo Was Perhaps a Poor Idea

Dude to group of guys: When I fuck a girl, I don't want to be remembered. I want to be forgotten.

Echo Park, California

Overheard by: Angry Sandwich

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Whether You Deserve It or Not

New York liberal Jewish humanities teacher: You don't have to be all "ma'am" and stuff around me.
Student: Ma'am, I was raised in the South, you have to expect some non-ironic chivalry, sorry.

Florida State, Tallahassee

Overheard by: Dr Steve Manly

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See That Guy in the Tiny Daisy Dukes?

Teen girl to friend: Oh! I finally figured out whose pants I'm wearing.

Brantford
Ontario
Canadia

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...Know Where I Could Score Some Coke Around Here?

Coed #1: Jill, hi! I haven't seen you for like, a year!
Coed #2, smoking cigarette and clutching Red Bull: I know! I quit drinking!

WSC Campus
Wayne, Nebraska

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...Which Is a Great Lead-In to My Lecture on Gonorrhea

Blonde girl: I hate horror movies, because then I get scared that those things are going to happen, cause they really do happen.
Teacher: You can't live your life like that! Those things are really rare! Like, I've been in all sorts of sketchy situations, and I'm still here.
Guy: You're just too sheltered.
Teacher: Like, when I was in Rwanda, this guy was giving us a ride and he was like "do you want to stay overnight at my house?" and we were like "okay," and I immediately regretted that one...

Toronto
Canadia

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The One You Held Hands with During Our Slumber Party

Fratboy wannabe #1, entering coffee shop, to friend: Dude, I was just attacked by Wes.
Fratboy wannabe #2: Who's Wes? Do I know Wes?
Fratboy wannabe #1: Yeah, yeah. Big guy, lives in our dorm.
Fratboy wannabe #2: The one I gave a hug to last night?
Fratboy wannabe #1: I don't know. I can't keep up.

Golden Roast
Knoxville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Creeped-out Cara

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Now Sack Up and Stop That Screaming!

CPR class instructor: So when they sent the babies to us, they forgot to include the faces...

University of Miami, Florida

Overheard by: Zach

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I'd Always Thought They Were the Stuff Of Myth!

30-something girl: Hi, James!
20-something guy: Where do I know you from?
30-something girl: Remember we met on that bench?
20-something guy: Oh, yeah! You're that really cool old person!

University of Washington, Seattle

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It Was "FloralNosegay"

Guy on computer: Fuck, I always forget my student e-mail password.
Girl: Why?
Guy: I've always used the same password for everything for years but when I tried it on blackboard it was all "oh, you can't have 'gay' in your password."

Library
Tallahassee, Florida

Overheard by: Who uses

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Beautiful Pool, Though.

Sorority girl: Oh, I forgot: while we were there we met this homeless guy! And then he showed us his house...which I guess was kind of weird.

Mt. Pinnacle
Little Rock, Arkansas

Overheard by: Climber

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Before Then, It Was Only Divided Into People Who Make Erroneous Blanket Statements and People Who Do Not

Film studies professor: Until the 1970s, no one realized that the world was divided into men and women.

Birmingham University
England

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Though Technically It Was Me in the Bathroom Mirror

Bro: Yeah, I remember the first time I saw someone projectile-vomit.

Northeastern University
Boston, Massachusetts

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She's Old-Fashioned That Way

Male hipster to another: So, I was jerking off into this vagina...

Gastown
Vancouver
Canadia

Overheard by: DagnyTaggart

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The Girls at the Bottom Of the Pyramid Got the Worst Of It

Blonde teen: Please don't pull my finger!
Brunette teen: Oh, gosh. Is this like that time in gym class?

Homecoming Football Game
Minnesota

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...of Stuff That Never Happened

Bro #1: Dude, now that you're here...
Bro #2: We can start making some fucking memories!

Michigan State University

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I Have It on My Resume, Under "Hobbies"

Woman: I orgasmed here once.
Friend, cheerfully: Oh, I've done that several times!

James Brown Arena
Augusta, Georgia

Overheard by: Annissa

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Though I've Always Found the Growling Very Alluring

Plain Jane: Finish eating, so we can go outside!
Goth girl: Quit bossing me around! I just got out of line five minutes ago; it's not my fault that it's 12:45 and I've only eaten half of my lunch!
Popular boy to goth girl: I don't think I've ever heard you speak before.

School Cafeteria
El Paso, Texas

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She Was All Just Whatever About Whatever

Girl #1: Do you remember that chick we saw that time?
Girl #2: The one at that place?
Girl #1: Yeah, wait, no, that other place.
Girl #2: Yeah. What a whore.
Girl #1: I know, right?

Buffalo, New York

Overheard by: not that chick

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I Just Hadn't Met the Right Transsexual

Store clerk: Oh yeah, karaoke. I used to be totally into that shit back when I was gay.

The Video Underground
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Sam

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Next Time You Should Totally Come With Me!

Sorority girl on cell: I was so horny and swallowing back puke...it was like I was a freshman all over again.

Tuscon, Arizona

Overheard by: DoingTooMuch

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For Some Reason, They Never Had Vanilla

Mr. Hon, hanging on car door: Hon! Tell mom here exactly where that swingers' club is, that I took you to on your birthday.
(wife says something unintelligible as she walks down path towards car)
Mom, sitting in car: Oh! That's where I used to buy ice cream when I was a little kid!

Public Pond
Kettering, Ohio

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I'm Like, "Look at All These Dishes-- What's Your Problem?"

Drunk 40-year-old dude #1, standing in line for the bathroom: Well, there are four sinks. We only need two with the number of people I've seen wash their hands.
Drunk 40-year-old dude #2: Yeah. There was this one time I was peeing in the sink at home, and my wife walked in. She was pissed. Good times.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: slight overshare

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Or Who You Are, Really

Student librarian on cell: Hey...who is this? Bill from architecture? Well, yeah, I remember writing my name on your arm, but I like don't remember why.

Music Library, Catholic University
Washington, DC

Overheard by: So much for quiet in the library...

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The Mister Rogers Episode PBS Never Wanted You to See

Neighbor: The first guy that ever fingered me wore Drakkar Noir.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: sassy san franciscan

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Made a Great Flotation Device in the Pool

Older woman to younger one: Man, you never spend weekends with your kids! When I was raising my kid I could count the times on one hand that I used a babysitter.
Younger woman: Really?
Eavesdropping young man: Man, I was raised on a babysitter!

Louisville, Kentucky

Overheard by: I'm Adopted

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Who We Are As Kids Is Who We Are in Life

Friend #1: Do you remember when we were little and I used to show the neighbor's boys my boobs so they'd give me candy? Bet you're glad I stopped doing that!
Friend #2: What are you talking about? The only thing that's changed is your form of payment! You just finished telling everyone not two minutes ago how last week you won $200 on amateur's night when you went to the strip club with the guys!

Eau Claire, Wisconsin

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He Died a Happy Man Of Thirty-Five

Old man to teenage girl: Every time he saw an egg he had to eat it.

Melbourne
Australia

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That Limbo Bar Might As Well Have Been a Phallus

Professor: This weekend I went to a new restaurant that had a bar. It was interesting to see how the new generation dances these days.
Student: What's weird about dancing?
Professor: In my day we would have called that rape.

UNH
Durham, New Hampshire

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And I Certainly Never Had a David Lee Roth Action Figure

Quiet guy, interrupting conversation: Um, Ben, did you ever listen to Van Halen while you were at school?
Ben: Uh, no.
Quiet guy: Yeah, neither did I.

Geelong
Australia

Overheard by: Bemused

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Nietzsche: What Does Not Kill Me Makes Me Wierder

(Mustang Sally is playing in background)
Guy: I dated a girl in high school who called herself Mustang Sally and me Cowboy Bill.
Girl: Is that the girl you kissed?
Guy: No, we just wrestled. She was weird. I was weird. It worked out...badly.

Video Store
Auckland
New Zealand

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I Carry This Pacifier to Remind Me of the Good Times

Photography professor: Yeah, I did this whole series about raves when I was in Tucson... I even dyed my hair yellow and shaved a daisy into it because, you know, I was "submersing myself in the culture." But that was a long time ago. Now I'm a teacher. Go figure, huh?

Photography Class
Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: Katie

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So I Went With French Nails and I Never Looked Back

Professor: And so then after he killed the beast he went and bathed because there was dirt under his fingernails and a civilized man never has dirty fingernails... (pauses) My first girlfriend dumped me for dirty fingernails.

York University
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Student

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And You Thought Picking Up Girls at Funerals Was Bad

Girlfriend on packed, stopped train: I'm bored. Tell me a story.
Boyfriend: I remember the first time I saw you...you were crying...sitting outside the abortion clinic. I gave you my hankie.

Yellow Train
Washington, DC

Overheard by: entertained next to them

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Where an Ancient Tribe Had Scrawled Its Secrets on the Stall Wall

Teacher: You know, when I was your age we didn't have classes like this. If you wanted to learn about personal finance, you got a job. If you wanted to learn about sex, you went to the bathroom.

Rock Bridge High School
Columbia, Missouri

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Boogeyman: The Bitch Scares Me, Okay?

Loud woman in a bar: I thought I was going to have a nightmare, but I was disappointed.

Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Cecil

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There's Nothing Like Mourning Sex

Young Spanish guy: So yeah, I met up with my ex Becky last night, we ended up having sex behind the pharmacy.
Young white guy: I asked you to come hang out yesterday but you said you had your grandpa's funeral!
Young Spanish guy: I did have the funeral, but that was in the morning.
Young white guy: So you had time to fuck Becky behind the pharmacy but no time to hang out with me? Besides, you said you were close to your grandpa. Shouldn't you have been mourning?
Young Spanish guy: So... does this mean I don't get a high five?
Young white guy: *grudgingly high fives*.

Movie Theatre, Ottawa
Canada

Overheard by: Ash

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The Secular Equivalent

Enthusiastic elderly Southern woman: There was BBs flying all through the winders, I was so upset I cried. I wasn't going to church at that time, but I went to Wal-Mart.

McDonald's
Richmond, Kentucky

Overheard by: Akilah

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Same Reason So Many People Apply to Haverford.

Hipster girl #1: I got into Northeastern for grad school. I dunno what to do.
Hipster girl #2: Wow, that's really good! What a great school. Northwestern is like, famous.
Hipster girl #1: No, Northeastern.
Hipster girl #2: Oh. Is that a good school?
Hipster girl #1: Not really. But I figured if I put it small on my resume or say it fast, people will get confused. It clearly works!

30 Bus
San Francisco, California

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Fifth Grade's Usually When Kids Develop Flayva

White girl to Hispanic chick: I swear, in 5th grade you were, like, white.
Hispanic chick: White, like, acted white? Or white like white skin?
White girl: Like, white. Weren't you ever white?

Panera Bread
Fairlawn, New Jersey

Overheard by: Siberia

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Eddie Murphy Is a Thrilling Public Speaker

50-something gentleman: Honey, the last time I ran was from a drag queen prostitute, and that was ten years ago. I don't run.

Valencia Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: McN

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Kenny Chesney Never Mentioned That

Hungover chick: It was the first time I ever gave a blow job...on a tractor.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Shotboy

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And I'm Like, "What Are You, Crazy?"

Crazy homeless dude: One time this guy called the cops and said I was waiving a scalpel above my head. They put me in an institution for 72 hours. I kept trying to explain to them why I had the scalpel, and they just kept telling me I wasn't a doctor.

Berkeley, California

Overheard by: Brooke

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"Adultland" Was the Most Lucrative Disney Attraction in Half a Century

Dad to son in stroller: Here's where we saw the sexy tree!

Disney World Animal Kingdom
Orlando, Florida

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After Instating a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Policy

Guy to date: She cheated on me, so I dumped her. Then I cheated on her and two weeks later we were back together.

Freehold, New Jersey

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Really Came in Handy When I Gave Birth to a Baby Bird

20-something girl (stocking groceries): Oh! I remember when my mom used to make it for me. It was delicious. She made it while I was pregnant... I'd eat it and every morning I'd throw it all back up. It was still delicious coming back up!

Norwalk, California

Overheard by: who wishes he hadn't heard it while grocery shopping

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She Also Found Fifty Cents, a Rubber Band, and a Playbill from Cats

(during a film in a movie theater)
Girl #1 (whispering): Ow, something's itching me--I think there's something in my bra. (gasps) Oh my god!
Girl #2: What is it!?
Girl #1: I just found a condom in my bra and I think it was from last night but I don't remember putting it there!

Ontario
Canadia

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Pubes Happen the Same Way

12-year-old boy: One day, I looked in the mirror, and I had abs! It was cool!

Swim Meet
Albany, New York

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...Ginseng, St. John's Wort, Some Gravel from the Driveway, a Lego...

Tattooed guy: I once tried to smoke Aloe vera.

Taste of India
Minneapolis, Minnesota

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Having Missionary Sex Was Like Going on a Slip-n-Slide

Guy: Remember "sweaty boobs"?
Girl: What?
Guy: Remember he broke up with her because she had sweaty boobs!

Porter Exchange
Somerville, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Dave

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Then We Had a Good Laugh and Made Sweet, Passionate Love

Hungover guy: Man, I got so fucked up last night. The last thing I remember was walking into the bathroom. And then this morning I woke up to the sound of someone yelling "Who the fuck are you?" So, naturally, I responded with, "Well, who the fuck are you!?" and then I looked around and said, "Wait... yeah, I might be in the wrong place." And the guy goes, "Wait, no, I think I might be in the wrong place."

www.overheardinathens.com

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Freddy and Michelle Kruger Decide to Seek Marriage Counseling

Girl: You know, you were in my dream last night.
Guy: Oh, really? What was happening?
Girl: Well, ...you were trying to kill me.
Guy: Oh... that wasn't a dream.

Oviedo, Florida

Overheard by: Um...

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Miss Narcissus Suffers from Low Self-Esteem

Female office worker: Once I was at this club and there was a mirror across from me. Not only did I walk into it and break it accidentally, but before I did it, I remember looking at myself and saying, "Who is this bitch?" and then, crash. I talked shit about myself and then I broke the mirror.

Walnut Creek, California

Overheard by: trose

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I'm Starting to Regret Playing the Trumpet

High CVS employee: Yeah, we went to museums and shit. Took pictures with naked men... and naked women. I mean, that's what you do when you're in chorus.

Garwood, New Jersey

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Jeffrey the Giraffe Went Chuck Norris on Us

Punk kid to friend arriving in mom's minivan: Dude, you missed it! We just got kicked out of Toys "R" Us! It was so awesome!

Outside Movie Theatre
Atlanta, Georgia

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Thank Goodness I'd Learned to Pick Locks at Whore Finishing-School

Girl to friends: I got locked out of my house for being a whore.
Girl's friends: Yay!

San Diego, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Perhaps We'll Hear the Pitter Patter of Tiny Sheets

Mother to teen daughter: And then you, me, and your aunt can mount the pillow like last time.

Wal-Mart
Augusta, Georgia

Overheard by: Annissa

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Now I Go to the Nursing Home and Do That to Grandma

Mom passing rows of whole fish: When I was a little girl, I used to poke their raw eyeballs with my finger!
Little boy: Wow!

Pike Market
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: wow indeed

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It's Easily Mistaken for a Leak in the Basement

Galveston woman: I swear, when I first met Sheila 20 years ago she looked middle-aged. She still looks middle-aged.
Guest from California: Maybe she discovered the fountain of middle age.

Galveston, Texas

Overheard by: Chas

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Then It Was really Sacrilegious When We Made Out

Teen girl #1: Remember when you were Jesus and I was Satan?
Teen girl #2: Yeah.

Upper Hutt
New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

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I Began to Feel Like a Sundae

Possibly gay barista: Caramel.
Trailer park barista: Car-mel.
Possibly gay barista: Car-a-mel.
Trailer park barista: That used to drive me nuts when I used to work here.

Robot Lodge, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Coffee Lurker

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Without All Those People Cluttering Up the Landscape

Dude: Cool, you were in Asia... How was it?
Chick: The tsunami was the best thing for Thailand, everything was so clean and pretty afterwards.

Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canadia

Overheard by: Sean_G

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

They Tend to Appear at Random, Rather Like Elves.

Girl to friend: Well, I woke up naked, again, with a quesadilla in my bed, again, so I say it was a pretty average night.

Eclipse de Sol Restaurant
Atlanta, Georgia

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...And He Let Me Touch His Mallard?

Girl: Hey, what about that time we went duck hunting naked and...
Random passerby: That sounds like fun!

Georgetown
Washington, DC

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If 8-Bit's Enough for You

Older woman: My first computer was a Commodore 64!
Younger woman: A what? That sounds like a sex toy.

Western Michigan University
Kalamazoo, Michigan

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...Shaped Like a Giant Martini Glass!

Six-year-old #1: Did you know that we've kissed before and we're not even family?
Six-year-old #2: Yeah, in a hot tub!

Casselman
Ontario
Canadia

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Since He Kept Me Up So Late Last Night

Middle-aged woman to another: I said, "Let's go to church," and she said, "No, I'm going to stay in bed with Jesus today."

Outside Mexican restaurant
Hammond, Louisiana

Overheard by: Booksie in Bumfuck

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...With Binoculars

College student to friend: Scott* is so funny. Like, last night, he was looking at his penis...

University of Delaware

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Grandma Was a Master of Disguise

20-something girl to friends: And I was like, he was my first ugly boyfriend and my first kiss, and I was like "grandma!"

Maxwell's
Cedarburg, Wisconsin

Overheard by: and i was like, what?!

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Mr. Firth Is a Creature of Habit

Guy, mournfully: And then I go in and Colin is sitting there, taking shots of vodka by himself, in that pink dress...
Girl, nonplussed: Again?

Newark, Delaware

Overheard by: archie

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On the Plus Side, You Always Had Somewhere to Hang Your Coat

Druggie talking about Italy: There were dicks coming out the walls everywhere!

Maine

Overheard by: abbitt the rabbitt

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Ginger and Craig Live in a Candy House and Have Diabetes

Young woman #1: You know, Ginger and Craig, with the breadcrumbs and all that.
Young woman #2: You mean Hansel and Gretel!?
Young woman #1: Oh. Yeah, them.
Young woman #2: Wow.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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I Really Should've Written a Shopping List

Wife to husband: There was something I was going to tell you, but it didn't have anything to do with strap-ons or racism. Oh well, it'll come to me.

Target
Murfreesboro, Tennessee

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Roman Polanski's Legacy

Drunken, nostalgic girl #1: So, did you guys end up getting anywhere?
Drunken, nostalgic girl #2: No, I was thirteen!
Drunken, nostalgic girl #1: Yeah, but you didn't do anything? Like, not even touch his dick?
Drunken, nostalgic girl #2: I don't know, I was drunk!

Vincennes, Indiana

Overheard by: 202 Tavern Girl

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From Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Giving Head

Girl #1: Well, you know she gave that guy a blow job when three other people were in the room. Someone was bound to find out.
Girl #2: I've never even done it in front of people.
Girl #1: Me either, I'm not that slutty.
Younger girl with them: Oh, guess just me then?
Girl #1: You gave someone a blowjob with people watching?!
Younger girl: Uh, yeah. Back when I was 15 and drunk.
Girl #1: I'm your aunt: should you really have told me that, McSlutty?

Park
San Diego, California

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Vertical Bars Are So Slimming

20-something goth/thug girl: Remember the time I went to jail? I didn't want to leave!

Denny's
San Antonio, Texas

Overheard by: I didn't want to be at dennys

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He Dug the Mariana Trench With It, Baby Girl

(grandmother mumbles something unintelligible)
Young girl: Oh my god, grandma! I didn't want to hear how grandpa was hung like a whale!

Longview, Washington

Overheard by: CaerBear

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Then I Realized It Was Just a Wellesley Student

Loud guy on street corner: And over there is where I saw my first hooker!

Tremont and Boylston
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: I heard him from -inside- a car

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Christianity's All About the Special Effects

Girl to mother: You know, that's why I'm so messed up. My main memories of church are smearing fake blood on a Ken doll for Cain killing Abel, with pigeons cooing at me; and dancing across the stage in a pink tutu for The Odyssey.

Aurora, Colorado

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A Family Tradition I've Been Staunch about Continuing

Drunk woman: ... And that's how my parents hooked up! My dad was a drunk dialer!

Outside George's
Waco, Texas

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And Drove Past Your House. And Made Cardboard Cut-Outs of You...

Bimbo #1: Hey I remember you! Oh my god! I haven't seen you in ages!
Bimbo #2: Yeah, I know! I totally stalked you on MySpace!

Sydney
Australia

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Where Only the Strong Survive Into Adulthood

Jolly literature professor: All of this talk of salacious babysitters and the indiscriminate disposing of corpses makes me feel like I'm back in Jersey again.

University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia

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And You'd Be Like, "I Got the Pus-sy!"

Lady professor: AU is so different, there are so many females here. When I was in college, my sophomore year it was a five to one ratio! Males to females! The men were hanging from the trees. You'd walk through campus, wary, and then you'd sit at the cafeteria table and look up from your breakfast and there would be five guys -just staring at you!

Justice Research Class, American University
Washington, D.C.

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...Full Of Heroin?

Middle-aged black woman to husband: Baby, you remember that time I shot you?

CVS
Indianapolis, Indiana

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Taught Me the "White Elephant"

College guy: I went to sleep-away camp so long ago my counselor was Jesus Christ!

University of Rochester
Rochester, New York

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And Stop Masturbating in the Shower -- You're Clogging the Drain.

Pilot to passengers: Welcome to Hawaii! I'm going to tell you all what my mom told me when I turned 18: get your bags and get out.

Direct flight from Seattle, Washington to Oakland, California

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... And He'd Crawl into Bed with You?

Chick: So... You know when you were little and you used to leave beer and cookies for Santa?

Palo Alto High School
Palo Alto, California

Overheard by: the governor

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Plus, That's Chicken

20-something guy, about his sushi: This takes me back to when I used to live in Japan.
Brunette: When did you ever live there?
20-something guy: No, I mean in my past life.
Brunette: What makes you think you were Japanese?
20-something guy: Because ever since I was little I have always loved seafood.
Brunette: ... Maybe you were a fish.
20-something guy: Not cool.

Sushi restaurant
Worcester, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Wallflower

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Don't Crazy Canadians Just Become U.S. Citizens?

Hipster chick: Did I ever tell you about my childhood Princess Leia obsession?
Hipster dude: No, you never told me about a Princess Leia thing. Oh, wait, maybe you did. Did it involve pastries on your head to simulate hair buns?
Hipster chick: No, that must have been another girlfriend.
Hipster dude: No! Or maybe the pastry buns was me. I repress so many memories.
Hipster chick: Probably smart.
Hipster dude: It's working okay so far.
Hipster chick: Yeah. You barely need therapy.

15th Avenue SW
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia

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Meet the Last Kid in the U.S. Who Says "Making Love"

Kid in cafeteria: Yeah, that was the night we watched Shrek and made love for the first time.

East Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: Cammie

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It Felt Good to Be Different from the English

Artsy girl #1: Hey, remember that time in London when we both thought we had scabies, but we didn't?
Artsy girl #2, sighing: That was one of the best days of my life!

Arcadia University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Hiding my laughter in the photo lab

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What the Hell's Going on in Hartford?

Professor: I went to college in Montreal, and one day I woke up on, like, the 16th floor of some high rise building with this beautiful Arabian girl next to me, and I didn't know where I was or what was happening. It was great.
Student: And then you woke up again from your dream.
Professor: Well, then she ruined the next six months of my life. I don't know why I told you this story.

Hartford, Connecticut

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Why His Family Has Stopped Drinking at Christmas

Dude drawing names and heart in wet cement: Done.
Girl: Oh my god, that's awesome. I'm gonna take a picture with my phone so it can be the image that comes up when you call. Right now it's your dick in a box.
Dude: Yeah, this is-- Wait, you have a picture of my dick in a box?
Girl: Yeah. Remember?
Dude: Oh, yeah, that's right...

UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California

Overheard by: nathan

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The Latter-Day Shit Just Doesn't Cut It

Mormon guy: Some of my fondest childhood memories are of my dad beating the shit out of people.

Salt Lake City Airport
Utah

Overheard by: PartyByNight

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The Sweet Valley High Book That Never Made It to Print

Redhead chick: Oh my god, the school year's almost over!
Greek girl: Yeah! I'm gonna miss all the good times we've had!
Redhead chick: Yeah, like the time I woke up and there was a bear in my bed growling at me, and you laughed.
Greek girl: Oh, yeah, and all the one night stands! [Girls sigh.]

Upstate New York high school
New York

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I Had to Defer a Year

Guy: The only reason I remember the day I got accepted to Cornell is because it's the only time I ever walked in on my parents having sex.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: doug

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You Never Forget Your First Loser

Girl: He was 26, I was 18. I liked him until I found out he was a loser.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: anonymous

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I Forget by Whom

72-year-old lady: The last time I was carded buying alcohol I was 35 and pregnant.

Kohl's
Dunedin, Florida

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Which Is Flagrantly Noncompliant

Female grad student: The Americans with Disabilities Act reminds me of my Barbie dream house!

Grad school
Texas

Overheard by: Bean

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