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Tonight's Movie: The Object Of My Infection
Teen girl on phone: The chlamydia is inclusive.
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Health & Hygiene | STDs | Teens | Tennessee | Weirdness | Posted 2011-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Says Today's Young Men Aren't Philosophers?
Guy #1: Yo, dawg, you got herpes. You got herpes, dawg!
Guy #2: Well, you got HIV!
Guy #1: Herpes is worse, dawg!
Guy #2: No, it ain't!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | STDs | Posted 2011-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Think I Like This Party Game.
Drunk girl: But the whole point is to avoid Aids!
Michigan State University
Categories: Advice | Drunks | Michigan | Philosophy | STDs | Posted 2011-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Thanks to All That Community Fingering at the Lakes.
Guy #1: So what I'm not clear on is how the penis and vagina work.
Guy #2: Well, how are you doing on STDs?
Guy #1: I'm still a little unsure about some, but I have syphilis down pat!
Finger Lakes Community College
New York
Isn't That a Song from Rent?
Guy #1: Yeah, getting crabs would suck.
Guy #2: Totally. But Aids would suck worse. There's no shampoo for Aids.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: too soon? I think so
Categories: Feelings | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | STDs | Posted 2011-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kermit: It's Not Easy Oozing Green
Bartender #1: Yeah, so I had this weird shit comin' outta my dick. It was sick, dude. Like this funky green pus-like shit oozing from the tip. Smelled like shit, too.
Bartender #2: Dude, you need to quit boning so many filthy whores. You're like rotting from the inside.
Bartender #1: Shit, man, I don't give a fuck. As long as I keep gettin' laid.
Bartender #2: You ain't gonna be doin' shit if your fuckin' nasty dick falls off.
Bartender #1: I know, right? This last chick I nailed was a total slut. I pulled down my pants and she could smell whatever's up with my cock. She goes "Ew, what stinks? Is that your dick?" And I go, "No, it's my feet, I swear!" Then I just pulled her towards me and shoved it in. It was awesome.
Bartender #2: Fuck, man. Something's definitely wrong with you.
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Overheard by: Nasty Nate
Categories: Bartenders | Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Maryland | Penis | STDs | Sensory experiences | Sex | Posted 2010-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Whatever This Is in My Eye
16-year-old: Mom, if you don't have herpes, why'd I find Valtrex in your purse?
Mother, seriously: I got Valtrex from the eye doctor for my yeast infection, Kim*.
Illinois
Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | Moms | Parenting | STDs | Teens | Posted 2010-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Weirdest. Job Interview. Ever.
Man on cell in very quiet bus: Look. I took the pills, I put the powder in my pants, I don't have cooties anymore!
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Kat from Tacoma
Categories: Bus | Guys | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | STDs | Undies | Washington | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Wonder Everybody Has Herpes
Freshman guy: In health today, we were looking at pictures of vaginas with herpes, and it made me want pizza...
High School
Steilacoom, Washington
Overheard by: Meredith
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | STDs | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Vagina | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Know I'm Flakey, But I Was Just Itching to Shop.
Foreign chick on cell: I'm at the gonorrhea. (pause) No, I'm at the gonorrhea. Yah... In yewstun. I'm at deelurds in the gonorrhea.
Dillards, The Galleria
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: OMG She had VD
Categories: Foreigners | Language barrier | On the phone | STDs | Stores | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Think About Seeing You, I Touch My Eyes
Lady standing in bathroom, giving advice: Hey, you can get STDs from public bathrooms! Don't touch your eyes!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: pretty sure that's not how you get STDs
Categories: Body parts | Crazies | Health & Hygiene | STDs | Washington, DC | Posted 2010-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Dogs Have the Decency to Die at Fifteen
30-something at table with friends: I'm telling you! Children are like one of those STDs that you have to live with for the rest of your life. They're like herpes or HIV. They will never, ever, ever go away. They will ruin your life.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: So fucking teue
How About "Bacterial Infections Are for Pussies"?
College girl #1: You know how that rumor got started? Because you denied him. It happened to my mom in high school.
College girl #2: "Just because I didn't sleep with you doesn't mean I have chlamydia!" I so need a shirt that says that.
London
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Education | Family ties | Gripes | STDs | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2009-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Eventually Re-Tell It in the Feature Film What's Glove Got to Do with It?
Girl to female friend: Yes, if I get the job at the CDC I will celebrate your chlamydia as an inspirational story.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | STDs | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though Not As Shitty As If You Had Rampant Syphilis. Trust Me.
Biology professor: This Friday I'm going to talk about STIs, and you're all going to have a shitty weekend.
Alton, Illinois
Overheard by: M
Only Straight Men Start to Die in Craft Stores
Guy: Glitter is like the herpes of craft! It just gets everywhere!
Michael's Arts and Crafts
Merced, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Guys | STDs | Stores | Posted 2009-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When They Ask Why We Can't Have Lunch with Them?
Girl: So we're telling them genital warts, then?
Devon
England
Sorry, the Windows OS Makes Me Crabby.
Dude: That's why I love Macs, install windows XP and it's like (snaps fingers) twenty minutes and you're done.
Dude #2: That's not good! That's like saying (snaps his fingers) you've got VD!
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | STDs | Technology | Time Management | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Embraced Your Principles and Your Boyfriend
Teen girl #1: We're the same person.
Teen girl #2: You have syphilis.
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: nyssa
Let the Nitpicking Begin!
Guy to girlfriend: You know, I got the crabs.
Girlfriend: Emm... okay.
Guy: Guess what?
Girlfriend: What?
Guy: You got 'em too, stupid!
San Francisco, California
...When She Complained About Her First Day Of Preschool.
Field hockey jockette: And then I said, "at least you didn't get gonorrhea!"
Ursinus College
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: reading in the lounge
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Jocks | Pennsylvania | STDs | Sex | Students | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was Just a Few Tiny Bumps in the Road
College student: As soon as I get rid of this molluscum, watch out, I am on the prowl again.
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: I hear ya
AIDS Is Too Political
Guy on cell: So I'm just sticking with gonorrhea...that way, no one will ask any questions.
Haight Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Adriana
That Makes Me Feel Less Bad About Sleeping with Him Behind Your Back
Angry girl: He. Gave. Me. Go-no-rrhe-a!
Calm girl: So? (pause) You're not getting back with him?
Pierpont Dorm
UMass, Amherst
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Relationships | STDs | Sex | Words | Posted 2009-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Wake Up in Mid-Sentence, With No Idea What You're Talking About?
Male student: Sorry to use an STD metaphor again, but I think the bee pubic hair represented herpes.
Whittier College
Whittier, California
Overheard by: Sam (kind of hard not to)
Categories: Animals | California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Hair | Maladies | STDs | Students | Posted 2009-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Plus Side, Now I Get to Take Part in This Cool Study in Tuskegee
Frat guy #1: Dude, what is wrong with you tonight? You were all fidgety in there!
Frat guy #2: Yeah... You remember that blonde chick? She gave me syphilis, man. It's itchy as fuck!
Arizona State University
Overheard by: Just pretend like you didn't hear that...
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Default | Frat boy types | Guys | Questions | STDs | Sex | Posted 2009-02-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thoughtful and Creepy, That's You
Suit: Well, no, I've never had an STD before...why, do you want to give me one?
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: wallflower
It May Be the First Test I Pass This Semester!
Girl: Where you going?
Guy: I am gonna go get tested for AIDS!
Girl: What?
Guy: You know, HIV! It's free!
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Worst. Condom Ad. Ever.
Woman on cell: Make sure you put it in a baggie so it doesn't get cooties everywhere. You know.
Back Bay Station
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Condoms | Default | Massachusetts | Public transportation | STDs | Women | Posted 2009-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Before You Bleed Them Dry
Clueless girl: My computer has a virus.
Computer geek: You need an external hard drive to transfer the files you want to keep.
Clueless girl: Can't I just transfer it to another computer?
Computer geek: No, the virus will spread.
Clueless girl: (blank stare)
Computer geek: Its like fucking someone with AIDS.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Advice | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Girls | STDs | Technology | Posted 2008-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because at the Moment I'm a Good Dad
Voice across patio: So, I'm trying to be good mom, so I took the gonorrhea test. I'm all about the penis.
Billings, Montana
So I Won't Be Voting for Him for President
Gay man to friend: He's not hot enough to have AIDS!
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel Kaiser
Riverdale Hasn't Been the Same Since Archie Went Off the Rails
Teenage girl #1: I mean, what's the point of dating an ugly, short, junior with herpes and acne if he doesn't even have his learner's permit?
Teenage girl #2: Shut up and eat.
Shari's Restaurant
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Oregon | Questions | Relationships | Restaurants | STDs | Teens | Posted 2008-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Yoga Began
Teen girl: I think I'm going to lie on my bed in a butterfly position.
Friend: Oh, to air out your STD?
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: evanescent
Tonight's Movie: Grumpy Old Gonorrhea
Wannabe cowboy on cell: Dude, I gotta tell you about my STD from the silent film era! (long pause) Okay, ready? Okay: I made out with a chick who was 52 years old!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: hope she had a charlie chaplin mustache
Categories: Age and ageing | Guys | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | STDs | Sexuality | Posted 2008-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But We Ate at Taco Bell Anyway
Freshman, loudly walking through dorm lobby: It wasn't an STD! ...just, like, a germ-filled cesspool...
CSU
Fort Collins, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Health & Hygiene | STDs | Students | Posted 2008-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People With No Boundaries Aren't Quite Sure When They're Having Sex
Girl in stall (yelling on cell): Oh, my god. Do you really have herpes? That's contagious, right? Should I get tested?
(flush of toilet)
Friend's voice on speakerphone: Am I on speakerphone in the bathroom?
Girl in stall: Yeah, I'm just peeing. So should I get tested?
Friend: I'm not talking about this on speakerphone.
Girl in stall: Okay, it's off... Oh, so you can only get herpes through sex?
Public Bathroom
Kent State University, Ohio
Overheard by: Laureen
So This Summer I Learned How to Snatch-Gargle
20-something chick, pouring wine: I hear wine is a good cure for gonorrhea.
Tiger Noodles
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Brokeass Harem
Categories: Chicks | Default | Drinking & drunks | Food | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Restaurants | STDs | Posted 2008-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Wedding Is On!
Guy about stripper girlfriend: I asked her to get STD tested, but she said she was almost done with her chlamydia medication, so it's all good.
Frisco, Texas
Overheard by: C.D.
Abstinence Hip Hop Fails to Find Its Audience
Slutty chick: STDs!
Sluttier chick: I don't need one.
Slutty chick: STDs!
Sluttier chick: I'm on my period, yo!
University of Connecticut
Overheard by: Unwilling Audience
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Default | Gender issues | Health & Hygiene | STDs | Stupidity | Posted 2008-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Sure Your Vagina Is Purple for a Pefectly Innocuous Reason
Guy: Well, do you have lots of unprotected sex with anonymous men?
Girl: I don't think so.
Guy: (pause) Well, you're probably safe then.
Southern Oregon University
Overheard by: Kayli
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Oregon | Questions | STDs | Sex | Posted 2008-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Karma Chameleon's a Bitch
Girl #1: I bet she has scabies.
Girl #2: Yeah, probably.
Girl #1: Actually, I'm not sure I know what scabies is.
Girl #2: Well, if you can get it from a lizard she probably has it.
Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
We Thought Only Americans Knew This Little About Sex Ed.
[Line for ladies' room]
Girl #1: Hi, do you mind if I cut in front of you? It's urgent.
Girl #2: Sure.
Girl #1: Thanks, I have to change my tampon.
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]
Girl #1: I have to make sure I change it often. Not too often, because once I changed it too much and got chlamydia.
Girl #2: Oh...[Suppresses laugh.]
Western Australia
Australia
Categories: Australia | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Etiquette | Gender issues | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Restroom | STDs | Threats | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
2008: Microsoft Pilots MS Office Assistant, "Buzzy the Dildo"
Guy: You know when you do a "Find File" in Windows? Yeah. I want to kill the little animated dog... It bothers me.
Girl: Hahaha... Yeah. It's better than the paperclip.
Guy: Meh... Only because he doesn't pop up unexpectedly. Clippy was kind of cool if he weren't in the way.
Girl: Thats what he wants you to think! He makes you feel bad for hating him!
Guy: Why this makes me want to have an animated kitten running around my desktop, I don't know. I used to have such a program.
Girl: I had a stripper on my laptop. She danced and stripped whenever music came on.
Guy: You're such a closet nympho.
Girl: Yeah. For my dreams class, we have to write all our dreams down and share them with the class. Last night I dreamt I was trekking through a jungle in gold prada heels to find my doctor to get an HIV test. I'm not sure I want the class psychoanalyzing that one.
Portland, Maine
Always a Burning Question
Sensitive soul: Why would I fuck you if you have a rash?
Dining Hall, Stony Brook University
Stony Brook, New York
Overheard by: Slightly amused but scared
It'll Pop Up Again in the Spring
Guy #1: Are you gonna get tested?
Guy #2: I think the Lauren thing pretty much takes care of it.
Guy #3: You should still get tested.
Guy #2: Yeeeah, but I don't like getting blood taken from me and I don't have any like, symptoms, so...
Guy #3: Well, I haven't seen your penis.
Simon Fraser University
British Columbia
Canadia
Categories: Advice | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Penis | STDs | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to What Not to Wear
Chick: Yeah, no one has syphilis anymore. Everyone has chlamydia now.
Duke University
Durham, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | North Carolina | STDs | Posted 2008-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No, Funny Like When I Gave Them to Your Boyfriend and He Gave Them to You
Girl on cell: ... Funny like when you got crabs?
Frisco, Texas
Overheard by: Abs
That Itching and Flaking Are Just Jesus Telling You You've Been Naughty
Guy to pals: Dude, seriously -- STDs are just Christian propaganda.
Riverbend Music Center
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: robby gigante
Portrait of a Man Who's Had a Close Call
Man to date: You know what, I like you so much I'd get HIV tested for you.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Kara
Categories: Compliments | Default | Guys | Illinois | STDs | Posted 2008-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Card: I Fear You've Been a Careless Quiff/ Valentine, You've Got the Syph!
Excited blonde: Guess what I'm getting myself for a Valentine's Day present? I'm getting tested for STDs!
Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: not surprised
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Idiots | Michigan | STDs | Students | Posted 2008-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Centers for Disease Control Have a Whole Josh Wing
Hoochie: Yeah, I don't know, but Josh and I totally hooked up for a while last year.
Friend: What? Why?!
Hoochie: What do you mean, 'Why'? Josh is hot.
Friend: Dude, hooking up with Josh is like hanging a sign on your vagina that says, 'Come on in, chlamydia.' If I was looking for a communicable disease, Josh is the first place I'd go.
Hoochie: Oh...
California State University-Chico
Chico, California
Overheard by: Kimberly
Categories: California | Gossip | Hoochies | STDs | Posted 2008-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her "Extra Help Sessions" Are Well-Attended
LSAT instructor: So, these female sage grouse do a visual inspection to make sure the males don't have an infection before mating. If I had the same attention to detail, maybe I wouldn't have gotten chlamydia three times.
Ft. Worth, Texas
Overheard by: Not So Hot For Teacher
I, on the Other Hand, Can Wait Indefinitely
Goth girl 1: Oooh, and I am just waiting to give you herpes. I can't wait!
Goth girl 2: ... Um...
Starbucks, Ashbrook Road
Keene, New Hampshire
Overheard by: macchiato junkie
Categories: Goths | New Hampshire | STDs | Posted 2008-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which I Would Know Absolutely Nothing About.
Poli-Sci professor on impeachment of federal judges: Once they're there, they're nearly impossible to remove... They just keep hanging in there... Kinda like herpes.
Vassar College
Poughkeepsie, New York
It's Risky Even Sharing a Soda with Her
Redhead: So, Kelly* has a new boyfriend.
Guy friend: I hope he's not allergic to penicillin!
Redhead: Ouch! Me, too!
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: jessi
Now Can We Teach Kids about STDs in High School?
Tall brunette: ... And so I said I didn't want herpes, but he was like, 'Oh, they're no big deal.'
Short blonde: Well, did you sleep with him?
Tall brunette: Of course I did. Like he said, herpes are no big deal. Just a little itching and stuff... Besides, it's not like I can ever get them again. It's like chicken pox -- once you get it, you don't get it again.
Math major nearby, yelling: Do you mind taking your dumb, STD-having ass somewhere I'm not trying to eat?! [Other students cheer.]
Bentley Dining Hall, Lock Haven University
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alexander Lepro
Categories: Bimbettes | Pennsylvania | STDs | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2007-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Works for Me
Teen girl #1: So, I was in Health today, and the teacher was telling us about how you can get gonorrhea in your eye by giving someone a blowjob.
Teen girl #2: I think the entire point of that class is to scare you out of having sex.
38X bus
Nashville, Tennessee
Of Course, They Also Don't Sleep with You
Lesbian: True friends don't believe you have STDs!
Energy-Alternative club
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Christine
Categories: Lesbos | Rhode Island | STDs | Posted 2007-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Available in Pineapple Pus and Sore Apple
20-something to boyfriend: He was like syphilis on a stick!
Omaha, Nebraska
Good Point. From Now on, I'll Just Yell about Yours
Dude: So, is it true that you have herpes?
Drunk girl #1: What?! No!
Dude: Thank god!
Drunk girl #1: I had chlamydia and now I have HPV. I only told two people, and now the whole town thinks I have herpes!
Dude: [Stares.]
Drunk girl #1, crying: Why does everyone know about my diseases?!
Drunk girl #2: Because you go to the bar, get trashed, and yell about it?
Bar
Newark, Ohio
Though I Don't Know Why I Bother Any More
Hungover teen girl #1: How was last night? You two have fun?
Hungover teen girl #2: Ohhh, we had a good time. [Suddenly looks confused] Do you think I should have told him about my STDs before we did? We were too drunk to find condoms...
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: sy 'philis' amgems
Categories: Overheard in Philly | STDs | Teens | Posted 2007-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Protect Myself with This Aluminum Foil Hat
Dude: I don't believe in AIDS. I think STDs are just negative energy.
Corda Bar
São Paulo
Brazil
Yeah, We Quit at Least Once a Day
Girl #1: Lately it feels like I'm on fire when I have sex.
Girl #2: That's what happened when I had gonorrhea.
Guy at next table: Wow. Those girls were pretty hot before I heard that... I have to stop eavesdropping.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Chicks | Overheard at McGill | STDs | Posted 2007-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But That's What the Virus Wants!
Obnoxious chick: ... And I was like, 'Yo, get your STD blood off my shoe! You lick it off!'
DRT bus
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: freshman whisperer
