Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics | Maladies

We Thought Only Americans Knew This Little About Sex Ed.

[Line for ladies' room]
Girl #1: Hi, do you mind if I cut in front of you? It's urgent.
Girl #2: Sure.
Girl #1: Thanks, I have to change my tampon.
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]
Girl #1: I have to make sure I change it often. Not too often, because once I changed it too much and got chlamydia.
Girl #2: Oh...[Suppresses laugh.]

Western Australia
Australia

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2008: Microsoft Pilots MS Office Assistant, "Buzzy the Dildo"

Guy: You know when you do a "Find File" in Windows? Yeah. I want to kill the little animated dog... It bothers me.
Girl: Hahaha... Yeah. It's better than the paperclip.
Guy: Meh... Only because he doesn't pop up unexpectedly. Clippy was kind of cool if he weren't in the way.
Girl: Thats what he wants you to think! He makes you feel bad for hating him!
Guy: Why this makes me want to have an animated kitten running around my desktop, I don't know. I used to have such a program.
Girl: I had a stripper on my laptop. She danced and stripped whenever music came on.
Guy: You're such a closet nympho.
Girl: Yeah. For my dreams class, we have to write all our dreams down and share them with the class. Last night I dreamt I was trekking through a jungle in gold prada heels to find my doctor to get an HIV test. I'm not sure I want the class psychoanalyzing that one.

Portland, Maine

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Always a Burning Question

Sensitive soul: Why would I fuck you if you have a rash?

Dining Hall, Stony Brook University
Stony Brook, New York

Overheard by: Slightly amused but scared

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It'll Pop Up Again in the Spring

Guy #1: Are you gonna get tested?
Guy #2: I think the Lauren thing pretty much takes care of it.
Guy #3: You should still get tested.
Guy #2: Yeeeah, but I don't like getting blood taken from me and I don't have any like, symptoms, so...
Guy #3: Well, I haven't seen your penis.

Simon Fraser University
British Columbia
Canadia

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According to What Not to Wear

Chick: Yeah, no one has syphilis anymore. Everyone has chlamydia now.

Duke University
Durham, North Carolina

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No, Funny Like When I Gave Them to Your Boyfriend and He Gave Them to You

Girl on cell: ... Funny like when you got crabs?

Frisco, Texas

Overheard by: Abs

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That Itching and Flaking Are Just Jesus Telling You You've Been Naughty

Guy to pals: Dude, seriously -- STDs are just Christian propaganda.

Riverbend Music Center
Cincinnati, Ohio

Overheard by: robby gigante

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Portrait of a Man Who's Had a Close Call

Man to date: You know what, I like you so much I'd get HIV tested for you.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Kara

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Card: I Fear You've Been a Careless Quiff/ Valentine, You've Got the Syph!

Excited blonde: Guess what I'm getting myself for a Valentine's Day present? I'm getting tested for STDs!

Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: not surprised

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The Centers for Disease Control Have a Whole Josh Wing

Hoochie: Yeah, I don't know, but Josh and I totally hooked up for a while last year.
Friend: What? Why?!
Hoochie: What do you mean, 'Why'? Josh is hot.
Friend: Dude, hooking up with Josh is like hanging a sign on your vagina that says, 'Come on in, chlamydia.' If I was looking for a communicable disease, Josh is the first place I'd go.
Hoochie: Oh...

California State University-Chico
Chico, California

Overheard by: Kimberly

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Her "Extra Help Sessions" Are Well-Attended

LSAT instructor: So, these female sage grouse do a visual inspection to make sure the males don't have an infection before mating. If I had the same attention to detail, maybe I wouldn't have gotten chlamydia three times.

Ft. Worth, Texas

Overheard by: Not So Hot For Teacher

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I, on the Other Hand, Can Wait Indefinitely

Goth girl 1: Oooh, and I am just waiting to give you herpes. I can't wait!
Goth girl 2: ... Um...

Starbucks, Ashbrook Road
Keene, New Hampshire

Overheard by: macchiato junkie

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Which I Would Know Absolutely Nothing About.

Poli-Sci professor on impeachment of federal judges: Once they're there, they're nearly impossible to remove... They just keep hanging in there... Kinda like herpes.

Vassar College
Poughkeepsie, New York

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It's Risky Even Sharing a Soda with Her

Redhead: So, Kelly* has a new boyfriend.
Guy friend: I hope he's not allergic to penicillin!
Redhead: Ouch! Me, too!

Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: jessi

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Now Can We Teach Kids about STDs in High School?

Tall brunette: ... And so I said I didn't want herpes, but he was like, 'Oh, they're no big deal.'
Short blonde: Well, did you sleep with him?
Tall brunette: Of course I did. Like he said, herpes are no big deal. Just a little itching and stuff... Besides, it's not like I can ever get them again. It's like chicken pox -- once you get it, you don't get it again.
Math major nearby, yelling: Do you mind taking your dumb, STD-having ass somewhere I'm not trying to eat?! [Other students cheer.]

Bentley Dining Hall, Lock Haven University
Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Alexander Lepro

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Works for Me

Teen girl #1: So, I was in Health today, and the teacher was telling us about how you can get gonorrhea in your eye by giving someone a blowjob.
Teen girl #2: I think the entire point of that class is to scare you out of having sex.

38X bus
Nashville, Tennessee

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Of Course, They Also Don't Sleep with You

Lesbian: True friends don't believe you have STDs!

Energy-Alternative club
Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Christine

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Now Available in Pineapple Pus and Sore Apple

20-something to boyfriend: He was like syphilis on a stick!

Omaha, Nebraska

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Good Point. From Now on, I'll Just Yell about Yours

Dude: So, is it true that you have herpes?
Drunk girl #1: What?! No!
Dude: Thank god!
Drunk girl #1: I had chlamydia and now I have HPV. I only told two people, and now the whole town thinks I have herpes!
Dude: [Stares.]
Drunk girl #1, crying: Why does everyone know about my diseases?!
Drunk girl #2: Because you go to the bar, get trashed, and yell about it?

Bar
Newark, Ohio

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Though I Don't Know Why I Bother Any More

Hungover teen girl #1: How was last night? You two have fun?
Hungover teen girl #2: Ohhh, we had a good time. [Suddenly looks confused] Do you think I should have told him about my STDs before we did? We were too drunk to find condoms...

Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com

Overheard by: sy 'philis' amgems

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I Protect Myself with This Aluminum Foil Hat

Dude: I don't believe in AIDS. I think STDs are just negative energy.

Corda Bar
São Paulo
Brazil

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Yeah, We Quit at Least Once a Day

Girl #1: Lately it feels like I'm on fire when I have sex.
Girl #2: That's what happened when I had gonorrhea.
Guy at next table: Wow. Those girls were pretty hot before I heard that... I have to stop eavesdropping.

Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com

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But That's What the Virus Wants!

Obnoxious chick: ... And I was like, 'Yo, get your STD blood off my shoe! You lick it off!'

DRT bus
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: freshman whisperer

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