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Every Spanish-Language Soap Opera, in a Nutshell.
Girl in next aisle: Spanish doctor, pregnant nurse! Oh, snap!
Barnes & Noble
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania
Categories: Feelings | Girls | Pennsylvania | Pregnancy | Race | Relationships | Posted 2011-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Their Baby Was Born in a Booth at Popeye's
Guy #1: Hey bro, your woman fat?
Guy #2: No. Fuck, man! What you talkin'? She my baby momma, that the baby in her bump!
Guy #3: You sure? She sure look fat to me.
Coralridge Mall
Iowa City, Iowa
Is It Wrong That We're Most Disturbed by the Misuse Of "Ironic"?
Drunk girl to stranger: You're dressed as Juno for Halloween? Oh my god, that's so ironic! I'm pregnant for real!
East Lansing, Michigan
Everyone Wants Into My Oval Office
Girl to another: If I end up having gotten knocked up during the presidential debates, I'm going to be fucking pissed.
Bar
Atlanta, Georgia
Well It Is Exactly Nine Months Before Labor Day.
Tall girl: What is this? Let's-all-jump-Jennifer-and-get-her-pregnant Day?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Julianna
Categories: Girls | Pregnancy | Questions | Violence | Washington | Posted 2010-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Always Show Me Up, Peggy
Whiny-voiced 20-something: My period showed up two days early and ruined my weekend plans with that guy I was seeing.
20-something with baby: My period showed up two weeks late, stuck me with this, and ruined my life. Pass me one of those shirts in a medium?
Springfield, Illinois
Overheard by: Katie F
Bad Things Happen When Housemates Mate
Guy to crowd of housemates: See, this is the kind of toilet we want--it's rated to be able to flush one kilo of material at a time.
Girl: How many kilos does a newborn weigh?
Home Depot
Oakland, California
Overheard by: Alchemist George
I Just Like Peeing on Sticks
Mom: So tell me the truth. Was that your pregnancy test dad found in the trash?
Daughter: Jesus Christ, mom! No!
Mom: Okay, well, I just wanted to...
Daughter, interrupting: I wish it was my test! At least then I'd be having a good time!
YMCA
Nashville, Tennessee
Goodness, Just Look at the Time!
Tanorexic blonde on date: So basically the fucking doctor told me that my cervix is fucked up.
Uncomfortable-looking date: Right...
Tanorexic blonde on date: Yeah. Cunt told me that it'd be like pushing a baby through a toothpaste tube. I gotta go get it widened or some shit like that. Or that thing where they cut you open...
Uncomfortable-looking date: A caesarian?
Tanorexic blonde on date: Yeah. That's it. Baby kebab.
Leamington Spa
England
Categories: Anorexics | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Couples | England | Food | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Pregnancy | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, We Will Be Running Around in Diapers Before We Know It.
Older woman: Want to go see the movie Babies tonight at 7:30?
Older man: Mmmmmmmmmmmm...
Older woman: It's too late for it to inspire us!
Coffee Shop
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Greg
Apparently You Can Be Too Casual
Gay guy in fake British accent: Isn't it funny how people who want babies so badly can't have them, and other people who have a casual fuck pop them out like Pez dispensers?
Panera Bread
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Cristina
But That's Universal Health Care for You
Big burly man, earnestly: So then he said, "my wife is in labor," but I didn't exactly know what that meant.
English man, in disbelief: What? What did you think it meant?
Big burly man: I dunno... Um, like, just pregnant?
English man: So what did you say?
Big burly man: I just said, "yeah, that sucks for you."
English man: Wow, he must have thought you were a real asshole.
Big burly man: Haha, yeah. And then she had the baby in the apartment.
(long pause)
Big burly man: So, anyway, now the building's hot water's not working.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Ireland: Encapsulated.
20-something boyfriend with arm around girlfriend: God, we've saved a fortune not buying condoms recently.
Girlfriend: Yeah, a few more years of this and a baby will have paid for itself!
Cork
Ireland
One Downmanship Is Fun!
Woman #1: Sorry I'm late, I had bad anxiety.
Woman #2: I have bad allergies and a hangover.
Woman #1: Well, I'm pregnant.
Woman #3, looking up suddenly: What!?
Woman #1: Top that!
Barnes & Noble
Birmingham, Alabama
All the Other Races Do It!
College girl to college guy: So you won't marry me but you'll procreate with me?
Glendale, Wisconsin
Categories: Frat boy types | Kids | Parenting | Pregnancy | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Sorority types | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Treat It in Much the Same Way.
Indian girl to friend: When I have a baby, I'm going to name it after my pet rock.
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amanda
Happens After Every NAMBLA Convention
Mom to eight-year-old son: Do you want pizza tonight?
Son: No! I can't eat that, I just got pregnant!
Naperville, Illinois
God Bless the USA!
English professor: "My wife, Bob, is pregnant." Polygamy, pregnant men, gay marriage--it's got it all!
University of Rock County
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Aku
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pregnancy | Relationships | Sexuality | Teachers | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can Unprotected Sex Do That?
Home girl #1: Ay, foo, I thought I was pregnant!
Home girl #2: Oh, nahh!
Home girl #1: Yeah! Junior was all "Ay, you got your period yet or what?" and I was all "no, why?" and he goes "because I was tryn' to get you pregnant!" Chhh! Crazy huh?
CSULA Cafeteria
California
Overheard by: Itshahaholly
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Girls | Pregnancy | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2010-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Babies Love LSD Orgies, Right?
Guy to hugely pregnant woman: There's a party Saturday--you should come after you give birth.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: pie
Categories: Guys | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Preggers | Pregnancy | Posted 2010-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Reality Competition. Ever.
19-year-old girl on phone in dorm: I have two weeks to have children. I only have one egg left!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | On the phone | Pregnancy | Time Management | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shhh-- He'll Hear!
Girl #1: You shouldn't drink that. It's bad for the baby.
Girl #2, drinking wine: It better be.
Washington and Lee University
Lexington, Virginia
Overheard by: Eden
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Pregnancy | Virginia | Posted 2010-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
College: In a Nutshell.
Freshman girl to friends: Guys, I really need to ask you a huge favor. I think I might be pregnant and you guys might have to punch me in the stomach to get rid of it.
North Bay
Ontario
Canadia
Um, That's Just Beer, Sweetie.
Boy, screaming into pregnant mother's belly: We're going to give you up for adoption!
Tanger Outlet
Riverhead, New York
Overheard by: bemused
Should I Make Her a Little Card That Says That?
Waiter, about female patron: Mmm. So hot. I just want to pump her full of babies!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Baristas | Beauty | Pregnancy | Sex | Washington | Posted 2010-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With the Paper Bag on His Head?
Girl to friend: What if I am pregnant? How will I know who the father is? Well, if it comes out half Asian it's Jason's. If it comes out a midget it's Thomas's, and if it comes out blurry, it's the unnamed guy.
Escondido, California
Overheard by: Brit-ta-nee
Finally, a Version Of "You're Having My Baby" Your Editors Like
Nasty smoking girl on cell: So did your girlfriend cry when she found out that I'm having your baby? (pause) Haha, that is so funny, I so thought she would!
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: hayley
Categories: Australia | Infidelity | On the phone | Pregnancy | Posted 2010-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next on Maury
Brunette: And then he called me back ten minutes later and told me his brother got his girlfriend pregnant, and she's like sixteen or something.
Blonde: Is he mad his brother and his girlfriend hooked up?
Brunette: He's got more serious issues dating a child and shit.
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Girls | Ohio | Pregnancy | Sex | Posted 2010-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With a Bastard Vampire Baby
Mom to daughter in Team Edward t-shirt: If you were taking your pill in the first place, you wouldn't be pregnant right now.
New Hampshire
Overheard by: let me kick her in the stomach
Categories: Moms | New Hampshire | Parenting | Preggers | Pregnancy | Posted 2010-02-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Life Is Sweet; Don't Fuck It Up
Professor: No drinking and driving this weekend! No drugs! ...and no babies.
Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Sara
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Indiana | Pregnancy | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Also Slices, Dices, and Makes Julienne Fries
Shopper: I don't think I would trust a pregnancy test from a dollar store.
Cashier: Oh, it works. Trust me.
Montgomery, Alabama
Overheard by: not pregnant
Which Possibly Means I'm Growing As a Person
Girl #1: How's your sister?
Girl #2: She's a whore. If she wasn't pregnant, I'd go beat her ass.
University of New Orleans, Louisiana
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Girls | Insults | Louisiana | Pregnancy | Posted 2010-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Might As Well Face It, You're Addicted to Lumps
Very pregnant woman surrounded by misbehaving children: Pregnancy is just such a gift. I mean, I feel so blessed. Like, this is what my body was made for, you know? I just feel so much more complete when I'm pregnant. Knowing that I'm growing this life...
Young woman behind her in line, interrupting: Madam? You are a walking advertisement for mandatory birth control.
Starbucks
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: The guy applauding her
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Happiness | Kids | Preggers | Pregnancy | Pride | Washington | Posted 2010-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Before I Start to Spoil
16-year-old girl #1: I wanna wait to have kids, you know? But I don't wanna be old or anything. I think like 19 or somethin.
16-year-old girl #2: Yeah. Oscar wants to knock me up and I'm like "no bitch, I don't even have a license yet." We're thinking after I turn 18.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Insults | Kids | Pregnancy | Relationships | Sex | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What If You're Pregnant with a Large Tumor That Has Teeth and Hair?
Boy #1: So, I never got what the difference was between liberals and conservatives.
Boy #2: Well, conservatives like big business, and liberals like communism.
Boy #1: Oh. What if I want to be both?
Boy #2: You can't be both. It's an on/off thing. Like, you're either pregnant or you're not. Or like you're Christian or you're Islam.
High School
Minnesota
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Minnesota | Politics | Pregnancy | Questions | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doughnuts, at Least, Are Cheaper by the Dozen
Mother to daughter: And soon you'll be having babies...
Daughter's friend: I want a baby.
Daughter: What?!
Friend: Actually I want a doughnut, but no one was listening to me.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: and i want a pony
Ooh, and Some Scrambled Eggs!
Girl to friend: I'm going to order a pint. Or do we just want to split a pitcher?
Friend: I'm pregnant, remember?
Girl: Oh, yeah. But I thought you were planning to abort it?
Friend: I am. (sighs) Okay, let's get a pitcher.
Bar
Zwankendamme
Belgium
Categories: Abortion | Bars & Clubs | Belgium | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Girls | Pregnancy | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Difference Between Long-term and Short-term Thinking, Encapsulated
Girlfriend: How would you feel if I told you I was pregnant?
Boyfriend: Are you pregnant? Because if you are, I'm cumin' in you.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Is It Too Late for a Teachable Moment?
Manly guy to male friend carrying fake baby for parenting class: So, did Beth* get her period yet?
Wichita, Kansas
In Michigan It's Always the 1950s
Girl #1: We have to deal with it for nine months!
Girl #2: At least we get to be bitches for no reason.
Girl #1: Yeah, my boyfriend's basically a slave.
University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: ...I knew it!
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Michigan | Pregnancy | Relationships | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Extra Chunky
20-something girl: So I had to go to the emergency room because I thought I had a baby.
Shocked co-worker: What?! What was it?
20-something girl: Just my period. But it was a bad one.
Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: don't ditch health class
Categories: Coworkers | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Mississippi | Pregnancy | Questions | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'm Not Sure the Koala Enjoys It
Male student #1: Man, you can't get pregnant doing that.
Male student #2: Oh.
Monash University
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Assilem
Categories: Advice | Australia | Colleges & Universities | Pregnancy | Students | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What Your Novel's About?
Man eating with his family: So when she took her home pregnancy test, she accidentally peed all over the counter. When he confronted her, she lied about it, and also told him she wasn't pregnant. But then my sister told him that she was actually pregnant.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: just trying to enjoy my meat scrambler
...Why Do You Think I'm Gay?
Crying girl: I have always wanted to have kids, you know? Now I can't.
Friend: It's really not that bad.
Crying girl: No, the doctor said I can never get pregnant!
Friend: Look at it this way: you can have tons of sex and never have to worry about it. I think it's a pretty sweet deal!
Random guy: I agree with you, sista.
San Francisco, California
Wasn't This a Steven Spielberg Movie?
Lady on the bus: So I was 17 and pregnant! He was a Nazi extremist, but a very nice man. Very charming. I was rebellous (sic) as a teenager. Very rebellous. But now I'm old-fashioned, and I've got lots of morals.
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: dominic
Categories: Age and ageing | Bus | Character | New Zealand | Politics | Pregnancy | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As Dear Abby Told You in That Column
Girl #1, throwing home pregnancy test into friend's basket: Here, I think you need this.
Girl #2, throwing box of condoms into friend's basket: Not as much as you need these, you slut.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Erica
Categories: Comebacks | Condoms | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Pregnancy | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Kardashian Is Which? Show Your Work.
Girl #1: Oh my god! Look at the little toddler snowsuits!
Girl #2: Will one of you please get knocked up?
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Girls | Kids | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Pregnancy | Posted 2009-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Quotes Leave Your Editors Wanting to Hear Less
Girl to group: You guys! Everyone who has not had this fetus in their rectum is still a virgin!
Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York
Thank God Babies Come Housebroken.
20-something pregnant girl to baby daddy: I don't think we can handle a pet.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: babies are way easier.
Though I Notice You Are Cultivating Quite an Impressive Beer-Gut
College girl #1, walking past maternity section: That's a cute dress.
College girl #2: Yeah, I don't have the boobs to wear it.
College girl #1: Oh, that's a cute one too!
College girl #2: You don't have the fetus to fill out that dress.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: m.
...Under "Skills".
Blonde: I have this theory that babies who were born late are like always late to stuff. And babies who were born early, like premature, are always early.
Friend: Really?
Blonde: Yeah, it's like, on my resume.
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Pregnancy | Science | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Promised My Mom
Girl with friends walking by my door: No, no... sixteen! Sixteen is the age to get pregnant.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Did I miss something?
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Friends | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pregnancy | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors All Have Bulletproof Alibis
High school girl: There was way too much drama in sixth grade. All my friends were always talking about how their boyfriends knocked someone up. I'm like, "you're twelve years old! Get over it!"
Greenbelt, Maryland
Categories: Age and ageing | Education | Girls | Maryland | Pregnancy | Relationships | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Undocumented Immigrant Surrogates Exist
Sloppily-dressed teen girl to another: Do you know how many new outfits I would have to buy to carry a baby around for nine months?
Sam Houston State University
Huntsville, Texas
Why Stupid People Will Always Outnumber Smart People: Explained
Teen girl #1: You know, I wish we had some sort of pregnancy switch that we can turn on and off at will. That way, when we have one night stands, we can just turn 'em off, and, voila! No baby!
Teen girl #2: We do. They're called diagrams.
Teen girl #3: You mean "diaphragms."
Teen girl #2: Whatever.
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Leila
They Should Put a Camera in There, Like at Spash Mountain
Girl #1: Walking is the most natural form of transportation.
Girl #2: Or the birth canal. It's like America's water slide.
Friendswood, Texas
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Pregnancy | Texas | Vagina | Posted 2009-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait-- Are Periods Supposed to Have Placentas?
Sarcastic teenage girl to mom: Guess who just got their period three days before prom!
Mom, putting hand over heart and exhaling in relief: Oh, thank god!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Education | Health & Hygiene | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pregnancy | Teens | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Any Questions?
Woman, showing friend around: And this skyline is where I had my first pregnancy test. It was negative.
Ludlow
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Alison
Categories: Friends | Memory lane | Ohio | Pregnancy | Women | Posted 2009-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on Keeping Up With the Judashians
Teenybopper #1: So I haven't had my period in like six weeks!
Teenybopper #2: Girl, that means you must be pregnant!
Teenybopper #1: No, cuz then I'd have to be, like, a female Jesus!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Jesus | Massachusetts | Pregnancy | Teens | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Plus, I Prefer Anal. Anal!!
Chronically oversharing blonde woman: If I didn't know better, I'd swear there was a baby up in there, but there are three reasons I know that's impossible. For one thing, I'm on birth control, which is why I've gained twenty-five pounds. Twenty-five pounds! Also, I haven't had sex since (whispers) October, (resumes normal voice) so I'd be overdue. And I got my period today.
Chilango's Mexican Restaurant
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: TARDIS Dyke
Categories: Diet & weight | Health & Hygiene | New York | Pregnancy | Restaurants | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hate to Ask Their Names, Though
Girl #1: Girl, I am pregnant.
Girl #2: Do you know who the daddy is?
Girl #1: No!
Girl #2: Girl, my doctor told me that when I sleep with a man, to write it on the calendar, so if I get pregnant they can try to find the daddy!
Elevator, Columbus State Community College
Columbus, Ohio
I Gotta Learn How to Pregame
Girl #1: I came really fast, apparently.
Girl #2: Wow, really?
Girl #1: Yeah. (sighs) If only we weren't talking about childbirth.
Auckland
New Zealand
And the Trendy Diseases?
Hot girl: I've spent so much on condoms since I got here that I think it would be cheaper to just have the damn kids by now.
Westwood, California
Categories: California | Condoms | Default | Family ties | Girls | Kids | Money | Pregnancy | Posted 2009-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...After You Put Your Legs Up on Your Desk, Ma'am.
Male lab instructor: So, really, it's totally unnatural for a human baby to pass through such a small birth canal when their heads are so big. But it's also unnatural for us to give birth laying down. We should stand. Then the canal is more open, and gravity does most of the work. We are fighting nature. Now, why am I talking about pregnancy? I lost my train of thought.
Anthropology Class
Kent State University, Ohio
Categories: Body parts | Class | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Guys | Ohio | Pregnancy | Questions | Posted 2009-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's That Mewling Thing Attached to Your Boob?
Girl to friend: Where have you been? I haven't seen you for almost nine months!
Friend: I've been in Mexico.
Girl: Why?
Friend: Think about it...
Westwood, California
Especially If I'm Saying, "Faster...Harder...God...Ohhh"
Black guy to friends: I swear, every time I start talking to a girl she gets pregnant. (pause) Fo' real.
Bowling Green, Kentucky
Overheard by: You must have been doing more than talking
Dude, Score!
Guy on cell: Yeah, so I was seeing this girl, and she called me and said, "so I think I might be pregnant," and I said "oh shit, really?" and then she just said, "yeah, but if I am I'll just put that fucker up for adoption."
Escondido, California
Categories: California | Default | Family ties | Guys | Pregnancy | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Still Don't Understand Those Two Dangly Bits
Girl, on sex-ed: Well, I went to a Catholic school and as a result I didn't know what a penis was until I got to high school.
Guy: I think these middle school girls need psychotherapy before they need birth control. 11-year-olds shouldn't be having sex.
Girl: Girls? Why just the girls? They're having sex with 11-year-old boys. You need something to stick in there in order to get pregnant.
Professor: Well, it looks like you found out what a penis was.
University of Northern Iowa
Cedar Falls, Iowa
But, Oddly Enough, Nine Months Later Sean Preston Was Born
Young professional woman: So, my husband and I decided we were ready to have a baby, but when I got pregnant I sort of freaked out and thought I wasn't ready. So I went out with my girlfriends, ate a bunch of sushi, smoked a pack of cigarettes and drank a fifth of tequila. Sure enough, the next day, I got my period. That shit really is bad for the pregnancy.
Flight over Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Feelings | Food | Georgia | Pregnancy | Relationships | Smoking | Women | Posted 2009-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Blame Sarah Silverman for Our Uncharitable Thoughts
Girl #1: My stomach hurts.
Girl #2: Ew, girl! You pregnant!
Charlotte, North Carolina
Someone's Always in the Kitchen With Dinah
TA on cell: No, I do not want to play "guess who's pregnant?" again.
University of Florida
Overheard by: nick
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Florida | Games | Offers and requests | On the phone | Pregnancy | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to Sister Mary Bernice
Drunk girl: You only get pregnant if you want to.
Ohio
But I'll Totally Buy the Kid Tap Shoes
Slightly effeminate black man on cell: Uh-uh, child. If you're pregnant, that ain't my child. You got to talk to my brother.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Offspring | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pregnancy | Queers | Posted 2008-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Re-Apply My Black Lipstick, Silly!
Goth/punk chick smoking a cigarette: Oh shit, you know what I forgot?
Goth/punk guy: That you're killing your unborn baby?
Huron & First
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Melanie
When, Really, They Go Together Like a Wink and Smile
Loud 40-something: The government wants to cut down on unplanned pregnancy and decrease abortions, but a dozen condoms is as much as a 12-pack of beer? Hello, middle America is not choosing condoms over beer!
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Money | Politics | Pregnancy | Vermont | Posted 2008-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Most People Only Try a Couple of Times in College
Girl #1: Yeah, I hate when people talk about babies like they grow in your stomach. They're in your uterus!
Girl #2: Yeah, it's so dumb. Like, that's not even possible unless you swallowed a penis...or ate a baby.
Connecticut
Categories: Body parts | Connecticut | Default | Girls | Penis | Pregnancy | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Wait
College girl #1: And I want to see babies running around soon.
College girl #2: Yeah, I definitely want children. I'm *so* horny. I want babies.
College girl #1: Yeah, they're starting to grow on me. I mean, I definitely want kids. And I want to be a young mom, like I want to have kids by 25. I don't want to be one of those moms who just throw their kids outside and tell them to have fun.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Danielle
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Girls | Kids | Parenting | Pregnancy | Sorority types | Washington, DC | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Peer Counselors' Life Lessons Are Better Than Others
Dude #1: Dude, if you're gonna artificially inseminate your sister's girlfriend, you gotta fuck her, right?
Dude #2: Absolutely!
Dude #1: Otherwise, you got no respect for yourself.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: elizabeth
The Training Begins in the Womb
Drunk guy: Excuse me assholes, pregnant woman coming through.
Drunk pregnant wife: I fell down the stairs yesterday, my baby is like one of the warriors from 300.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: MN
Is That What's Meant by "I'm in a Jam"?
Guy #1: The pop tart is cooked, and by that I mean that I fucked her and now she's pregnant.
Guy #2: I can't wait for the day when I can say that to my mother.
Pullman
Washington
Dunno What All the Fuss Is About
Random old guy: I've been pregnant for 12 months.
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Default | Gender issues | Guys | New Jersey | Old folks | Pregnancy | Time Management | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I No Longer Let My Children Have Co-Ed Slumber Parties
Laughing man: Yeah, a lot of kids were conceived that night, especially after they broke out the crotchless panties.
Watkins Glen, New York
He's Such a Pill Pusher
20-something female: He comes back Sunday. Oh! And Joe is giving me free birth control!
Orlando, Florida
I Told Her to Stop Watching Degrassi
Girl on cell: Are you tryin' to say it's my fault she kept thinking she was pregnant every Thursday?
Berkeley, California
Categories: California | Default | Girls | Pregnancy | Questions | Posted 2008-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or That She's My Girlfriend
Man: My girlfriend doesn't know it yet, but I'm going to get her pregnant.
Ottawa, Canadia
Overheard by: amanda
I Like Those Odds
Loud guy on cell: So that's like, what, a 90% ratio of girls who have gotten pregnant right after I dated them? (bursts out laughing)
Girl to friend: Wow, I want him as my next boyfriend!
LSU
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: the things you hear when you go to class early....
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Guys | Louisiana | Pregnancy | Relationships | Wishes | Posted 2008-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Don't Quite Get It, But We Like It
Girl standing in front of a pro-life poster: Well, if that's true I owe god a lot of child support.
Colorado
I Also Learned How to Do the Time Warp!
Little girl: I learned how to make a man!
Mom: A man?!
Little girl: Yes!
Mom: Did you learn that in school?
Little girl: Yes.
Mom: Can you make one for me?
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Mollena
I Told You to Start Keeping Condoms in There
Cashier (handing over receipt): Would you like this?
Customer: No, they make babies in my purse...
David's Supermarket
Whitney, Texas
My Partner, Paul, Is As Dumbfounded As I Am
Disgruntled dad-to-be: I wish I could sue the urologist, but it is what it is. So now I'm having a son. Whatever.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Glad he's not my Dad
We Named Them After the Kids on Seventh Heaven
Woman on cell waiting in line for lunch: Oh, to keep you in the loop, we are not getting pregnant any time soon. There is like no sperm. They said there were eight, but they were retarded.
Richmond, Virginia
Categories: Default | On the phone | Pregnancy | Virginia | Women | Posted 2008-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Do You Think the Midget with the Butterfly Net Is For?
Loud, obnoxious, pregnant girl in a skirt: I'm not wearing any underwear.
Friend, sarcastically: Aren't you afraid your baby's going to fall out or something?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: what not to expect when you're expecting
From the "Bump N' Grind" Escort Service
Suit on cell: I don't know much about this party he's throwing, other than he got me a pregnant stripper.
Del Monte Shopping Center
Monterey, California
Overheard by: Amy
Categories: California | Default | Malls | On the phone | Pregnancy | Sexuality | Suits | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Those Were Different Times--There Was a War On
College girl #1: If I'm pregnant, the father is either him or his cousin.
College girl #2: Wait, you slept with David* and his cousin?
College girl #1: It wasn't a big deal, it was a threesome!
Barnes & Noble
Cary, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jennifer
Categories: Bimbettes | Default | Family ties | Friends | North Carolina | Pregnancy | Sex | Sorority types | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Could Happen to Lance Armstrong, It Could Happen to Anybody!
Girl #1: I'm all freaked out now! I bet you she's pregnant! My sister's pregnant!
Girl #2: I'm sure she's not pregnant, you're assuming the worst.
Girl #1: Oh my god! What if she has testicle cancer?!
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: monkey
Snow White Is Always Hurting the Dwarves' Feelings
Girl: Oh, as far as I'm concerned, they're just the happy little worker bees that bring me my birth control.
Madison, Wisconsin
Enough with the Empire-Waists Already, People
Chick: Do I look pregnant in this dress?
Boyfriend: Nah, I told you. It just looks like something a pregnant person would wear.
Lakeline Mall
Austin, Texas
Most of Life's Problems Can Be Solved with a Pair of Tweezers and a Bottle of Wine
Emo guy to friends: He loves me. He wants my children. He says to me: "Andrew, let me have sex with you so I can have your children." I would do it if I didn't have hairy nipples.
Library
Plano, Texas
As Explained in Survival of the Tittiest
Girl #1: This dress makes me look like a pregnant woman with small boobs.
Girl #2: Pregnant women can't have small boobs. That's like impossible. It's, like, natural selection or something.
Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rebecca
Categories: Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Massachusetts | Nipples | Pregnancy | Science | Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Thinking, I'm Thinking!
Prof: Do you think that kicking a pregnant woman in the stomach was wrong?
Student: Ummmm... I'm not certain.
Prof: Do you think that what he did was a crime?
[Student pauses for nearly 30 seconds.]
Student #2: Dude, he kicked a baby.
Seton Hall Law
Newark, New Jersey
Categories: Class | Crimes | New Jersey | Philosophy | Pregnancy | Questions | Stomach | Students | Teachers | Violence | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Planned Parenthood Would Have Advised Mary to Say No
Planned parenthood speaker: I'm here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!
High School Assembly
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Birthing | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Education | Happiness | Holidays | Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Childbirth Is All a Hoax
20-something hipster girl to another: So, anyway, no one is pregnant.
Sorella's Diner
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Julianna
Categories: Default | Fears | Friends | Girls | Hipsters | Massachusetts | Pregnancy | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But, for the Record, I Adore David Spade
Girl #1: She's pregnant? I thought she was on birth control?
Girl #2: She still is.
Girl #1: Isn't that bad for the baby?
Girl #2: Not really, all that will happen is if it's a boy, it will start looking more like a girl...
Girl #1: That's messed up.
Bathroom Stall, Nutty Irishman Bar
Farmingdale, New York
Overheard by: Jennifer
I Eat It Before Those Orgies with the Football Team
College girl #1: Eating raw fish makes you super fertile.
College girl #2: Really?
College girl #1: Yeah, thats why I get pregnant so much.
Japanese Restaurant
Richmond, Virginia
Categories: Animals | Food | Friends | Pregnancy | Restaurants | Science | Sorority types | Posted 2008-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Want the Human Race to Pack This Planet Like a Sausage
English professor: Just think of all the eggs that are wasted every time a woman doesn't get pregnant... That's what I do.
Montevallo, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Cum | Default | Education | Euphemisms | Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But He Just Unchained Me from the Stove, So I'm Trying Not to Press My Luck
Mitt Romney volunteer: So basically I asked my husband if we could please try not to have a baby this year.
Mackinac Island, Michigan
Overheard by: Glad I Chose Fred Thompson
Categories: Christianity | Michigan | Offers and requests | Offspring | Pregnancy | Religious fanatics | Sexuality | Whiteys | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Scissors, Ipods, Horses, Pauses...
Dude #1: Hey man, wanna go get some things pregnant?
Dude #2: Um. What? What kind of things?
Dude #1: Just stuff. Whatever we find.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Guys | Jerks | Leisure | Offers and requests | Overheard at UMBC | Pregnancy | Questions | Sex | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The First Time in History a Bang from Behind Has Resulted in Pregnancy
Middle-aged guy: Yeah, I've been in a couple of accidents before. One time this lady rear-ended me out of nowhere.
Middle-aged woman: Did you sue her?
Middle-aged guy: Of course I did. How do you think we paid for in-vitro?
Newark Airtrain, New Jersey
How Everybody Reacts to Ann Coulter's Baby Pictures
Liberal student, passing photo of cute baby: Aw... [realizing it's an ad for campus pro-life group] ... Ugh.
Princeton University
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Politics | Pregnancy | Students | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Live in a Parental-Notification State
Teen girl #1: Oh my god! Really? Well, even though you're three weeks late, you totally don't have to worry until a month after you guys actually did it. So you've definitely got at least a week left until you need to start worrying.
Teen girl #2: ... Really?
Teen girl #1: Yes, I'm completely sure. You're totally fine. Golden. Except that you're 17 and might be pregnant.
Dallas Airport
Dallas, Texas
A Strategy I Didn't Quite Think Through
20-ish chick: I can't believe I faked a pregnancy just to get back at a guy! I'm so psycho!
Friend with baby: Pshhh, that's nothing -- I actually got pregnant!
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Roger Often Wonders If He Made the Right Choice Going Straight
Preggers snapping at hubby: He said they don't have it! That means they don't have it!
Husband, pushing cart with two-year-old in seat: Get over yourself, babe. We'll be in the car.
Two-year-old: Mama!
Husband, under his breath: Your mom better hurry up and have that kid, dude.
Fred Meyer
Issaquah, Washington
Overheard by: Bryan
Have the Last Name "Spears"
Four-year-old kid, pickig up magazine: Hey, Dad, it's Britney Spears!
Dad: No, that's Jamie Lynn, her sister.
Four-year-old kid: Ohhh, the pregnant one.
Dad: Yep.
Four-year-old kid: But she's not even an adult!
Dad: You don't have to be an adult to get pregnant.
Four-year-old kid: So then how do you get pregnant?! [Dad puts magazine back.]
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Cortny
Categories: About celebrities | Dads | Default | Family ties | Kids | Nebraska | Pregnancy | Questions | Posted 2008-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Sweetie, We're Lesbians
Girl #1: I've been feeling so weird lately.
Girl #2: You're probably pregnant.
Girl #1: ... What?
Girl #2: I was kidding.
Girl #1: Oh-fuck-oh-fuck-oh-fuck -- when was my last period?!
Piccadilly Line
London
England
Overheard by: BoogyFantastic
Categories: Chicks | England | Health & Hygiene | Pregnancy | Posted 2008-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Auto-Abortion Function Would Be Optional
Loud black lady in long line: Girl, I know how you feel! Every time I try to buy a pregnancy test, there gotta be a big ordeal! The line too long, or there someone you know.
Girl with pregnancy test, embarrassed and chuckling: Yeah...
Loud black lady: I wish I could just go in my toilet, then push a button and have my toilet say, 'Uh-huh, you pregnant today!'
Van Wert, Ohio
Overheard by: Woah, that's not a bad idea...
Categories: Black people | Ohio | Pregnancy | Posted 2008-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks a Lot, Abstinence Only Education
Guy on phone: So, wait -- if he put it in yo' butt that mean the baby gon' come out yo' ass?
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: flash
Categories: On the phone | Overheard in Philly | Pregnancy | Questions | Posted 2007-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Miracle Diet? A Coat Hanger.
Tween #1: I can't believe she called you fat!
Tween #2: Well, I am, but it's because we're freshman -- we haven't lost our baby fat yet.
Tween #1: Well, that's true for you. I'm just fat because I'm pregnant.
Tween #2: Yeah, that too.
Arlington High School
LaGrangeville, New York
Overheard by: draz
Categories: Diet & weight | New York | Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2007-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Who's Due in June
Woman: I gotta smoke as much as I can before May 30th, 'cause after that it's bad for the baby.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Preggers | Pregnancy | Smoking | Posted 2007-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Currently in between Abortions
Lab TA: This is bromium chloride. If you have guys in your group, have them work with it. If not, girls, I hope you're not pregnant. It tends to cause birth defects and cancer.
Chick #1 in back of room, whispering: You guys, I can't touch that stuff!
Chick #2: Why not? Are you pregnant?
Chick #1: You see, that's the thing -- I don't know...
Oklahoma State University
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: She's majoring in drunken sorority girl
So I'm Just Going to Assume It's Jesse Jackson
Lady #1: ... And I don't even know who the daddy is!
Lady #2: That's hilarious!
B. Dalton - College Square Mall
Cedar Falls, Iowa
Overheard by: Darcy
Categories: Iowa | Ladies who lunch | Parenting | Pregnancy | Posted 2007-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Can Hold It Over the Kid for Life
Pregnant, tattooed hipster: This is killing me. How can I go without ink for nine months?
Tattooed hipster friend: Oh, I know.
Nevada
Which I Do to Make Getting Pregnant Fun
Girl: That's totally the last time I'm getting pregnant. It takes all the fun out of drinking!
RFK Stadium Metro Station
Washington, DC
Categories: Hoochies | Philosophy | Pregnancy | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Like to Figure Out How It Happened
Chick in hall: Guess what? I'm pregnant.
Friend: Oh.
Chick: Yeah. Wanna study tonight?
Arlington High School
Arlington, Texas
Overheard by: tina
Categories: Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Texas | Posted 2007-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Has a Right to Know Why Your Water Broke in His Classroom
Girl: Why would I tell Professor Turner I'm pregnant? I haven't even told my parents yet.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: bailey
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Pregnancy | Students | Posted 2007-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He's Not Getting Out 'Til He Learns the Combo
Male coworker: So, wassup?! You holding down the third trimester? You got that thang on lock?!
Preggers coworker: Hell yeah!
Oakland, California
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: California | Coworkers | Overheard in California's Journal | Pregnancy | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
