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What Do You Think the Midget with the Butterfly Net Is For?
Loud, obnoxious, pregnant girl in a skirt: I'm not wearing any underwear.
Friend, sarcastically: Aren't you afraid your baby's going to fall out or something?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: what not to expect when you're expecting
From the "Bump N' Grind" Escort Service
Suit on cell: I don't know much about this party he's throwing, other than he got me a pregnant stripper.
Del Monte Shopping Center
Monterey, California
Overheard by: Amy
Categories: California | Default | Malls | On the phone | Pregnancy | Sexuality | Suits | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Those Were Different Times--There Was a War On
College girl #1: If I'm pregnant, the father is either him or his cousin.
College girl #2: Wait, you slept with David* and his cousin?
College girl #1: It wasn't a big deal, it was a threesome!
Barnes & Noble
Cary, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jennifer
Categories: Bimbettes | Default | Family ties | Friends | North Carolina | Pregnancy | Sex | Sorority types | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Could Happen to Lance Armstrong, It Could Happen to Anybody!
Girl #1: I'm all freaked out now! I bet you she's pregnant! My sister's pregnant!
Girl #2: I'm sure she's not pregnant, you're assuming the worst.
Girl #1: Oh my god! What if she has testicle cancer?!
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: monkey
Snow White Is Always Hurting the Dwarves' Feelings
Girl: Oh, as far as I'm concerned, they're just the happy little worker bees that bring me my birth control.
Madison, Wisconsin
Enough with the Empire-Waists Already, People
Chick: Do I look pregnant in this dress?
Boyfriend: Nah, I told you. It just looks like something a pregnant person would wear.
Lakeline Mall
Austin, Texas
Most of Life's Problems Can Be Solved with a Pair of Tweezers and a Bottle of Wine
Emo guy to friends: He loves me. He wants my children. He says to me: "Andrew, let me have sex with you so I can have your children." I would do it if I didn't have hairy nipples.
Library
Plano, Texas
As Explained in Survival of the Tittiest
Girl #1: This dress makes me look like a pregnant woman with small boobs.
Girl #2: Pregnant women can't have small boobs. That's like impossible. It's, like, natural selection or something.
Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rebecca
Categories: Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Massachusetts | Nipples | Pregnancy | Science | Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Thinking, I'm Thinking!
Prof: Do you think that kicking a pregnant woman in the stomach was wrong?
Student: Ummmm... I'm not certain.
Prof: Do you think that what he did was a crime?
[Student pauses for nearly 30 seconds.]
Student #2: Dude, he kicked a baby.
Seton Hall Law
Newark, New Jersey
Categories: Class | Crimes | New Jersey | Philosophy | Pregnancy | Questions | Stomach | Students | Teachers | Violence | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Planned Parenthood Would Have Advised Mary to Say No
Planned parenthood speaker: I'm here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!
High School Assembly
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Birthing | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Education | Happiness | Holidays | Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Childbirth Is All a Hoax
20-something hipster girl to another: So, anyway, no one is pregnant.
Sorella's Diner
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Julianna
Categories: Default | Fears | Friends | Girls | Hipsters | Massachusetts | Pregnancy | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But, for the Record, I Adore David Spade
Girl #1: She's pregnant? I thought she was on birth control?
Girl #2: She still is.
Girl #1: Isn't that bad for the baby?
Girl #2: Not really, all that will happen is if it's a boy, it will start looking more like a girl...
Girl #1: That's messed up.
Bathroom Stall, Nutty Irishman Bar
Farmingdale, New York
Overheard by: Jennifer
I Eat It Before Those Orgies with the Football Team
College girl #1: Eating raw fish makes you super fertile.
College girl #2: Really?
College girl #1: Yeah, thats why I get pregnant so much.
Japanese Restaurant
Richmond, Virginia
Categories: Animals | Food | Friends | Pregnancy | Restaurants | Science | Sorority types | Posted 2008-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Want the Human Race to Pack This Planet Like a Sausage
English professor: Just think of all the eggs that are wasted every time a woman doesn't get pregnant... That's what I do.
Montevallo, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Cum | Default | Education | Euphemisms | Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But He Just Unchained Me from the Stove, So I'm Trying Not to Press My Luck
Mitt Romney volunteer: So basically I asked my husband if we could please try not to have a baby this year.
Mackinac Island, Michigan
Overheard by: Glad I Chose Fred Thompson
Categories: Christianity | Michigan | Offers and requests | Offspring | Pregnancy | Religious fanatics | Sexuality | Whiteys | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Scissors, Ipods, Horses, Pauses...
Dude #1: Hey man, wanna go get some things pregnant?
Dude #2: Um. What? What kind of things?
Dude #1: Just stuff. Whatever we find.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Guys | Jerks | Leisure | Offers and requests | Overheard at UMBC | Pregnancy | Questions | Sex | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The First Time in History a Bang from Behind Has Resulted in Pregnancy
Middle-aged guy: Yeah, I've been in a couple of accidents before. One time this lady rear-ended me out of nowhere.
Middle-aged woman: Did you sue her?
Middle-aged guy: Of course I did. How do you think we paid for in-vitro?
Newark Airtrain, New Jersey
How Everybody Reacts to Ann Coulter's Baby Pictures
Liberal student, passing photo of cute baby: Aw... [realizing it's an ad for campus pro-life group] ... Ugh.
Princeton University
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Politics | Pregnancy | Students | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Live in a Parental-Notification State
Teen girl #1: Oh my god! Really? Well, even though you're three weeks late, you totally don't have to worry until a month after you guys actually did it. So you've definitely got at least a week left until you need to start worrying.
Teen girl #2: ... Really?
Teen girl #1: Yes, I'm completely sure. You're totally fine. Golden. Except that you're 17 and might be pregnant.
Dallas Airport
Dallas, Texas
A Strategy I Didn't Quite Think Through
20-ish chick: I can't believe I faked a pregnancy just to get back at a guy! I'm so psycho!
Friend with baby: Pshhh, that's nothing -- I actually got pregnant!
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Roger Often Wonders If He Made the Right Choice Going Straight
Preggers snapping at hubby: He said they don't have it! That means they don't have it!
Husband, pushing cart with two-year-old in seat: Get over yourself, babe. We'll be in the car.
Two-year-old: Mama!
Husband, under his breath: Your mom better hurry up and have that kid, dude.
Fred Meyer
Issaquah, Washington
Overheard by: Bryan
Have the Last Name "Spears"
Four-year-old kid, pickig up magazine: Hey, Dad, it's Britney Spears!
Dad: No, that's Jamie Lynn, her sister.
Four-year-old kid: Ohhh, the pregnant one.
Dad: Yep.
Four-year-old kid: But she's not even an adult!
Dad: You don't have to be an adult to get pregnant.
Four-year-old kid: So then how do you get pregnant?! [Dad puts magazine back.]
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Cortny
Categories: About celebrities | Dads | Default | Family ties | Kids | Nebraska | Pregnancy | Questions | Posted 2008-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Sweetie, We're Lesbians
Girl #1: I've been feeling so weird lately.
Girl #2: You're probably pregnant.
Girl #1: ... What?
Girl #2: I was kidding.
Girl #1: Oh-fuck-oh-fuck-oh-fuck -- when was my last period?!
Piccadilly Line
London
England
Overheard by: BoogyFantastic
Categories: Chicks | England | Health & Hygiene | Pregnancy | Posted 2008-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Auto-Abortion Function Would Be Optional
Loud black lady in long line: Girl, I know how you feel! Every time I try to buy a pregnancy test, there gotta be a big ordeal! The line too long, or there someone you know.
Girl with pregnancy test, embarrassed and chuckling: Yeah...
Loud black lady: I wish I could just go in my toilet, then push a button and have my toilet say, 'Uh-huh, you pregnant today!'
Van Wert, Ohio
Overheard by: Woah, that's not a bad idea...
Categories: Black people | Ohio | Pregnancy | Posted 2008-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks a Lot, Abstinence Only Education
Guy on phone: So, wait -- if he put it in yo' butt that mean the baby gon' come out yo' ass?
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: flash
Categories: On the phone | Overheard in Philly | Pregnancy | Questions | Posted 2007-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Miracle Diet? A Coat Hanger.
Tween #1: I can't believe she called you fat!
Tween #2: Well, I am, but it's because we're freshman -- we haven't lost our baby fat yet.
Tween #1: Well, that's true for you. I'm just fat because I'm pregnant.
Tween #2: Yeah, that too.
Arlington High School
LaGrangeville, New York
Overheard by: draz
Categories: Diet & weight | New York | Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2007-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Who's Due in June
Woman: I gotta smoke as much as I can before May 30th, 'cause after that it's bad for the baby.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Preggers | Pregnancy | Smoking | Posted 2007-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Currently in between Abortions
Lab TA: This is bromium chloride. If you have guys in your group, have them work with it. If not, girls, I hope you're not pregnant. It tends to cause birth defects and cancer.
Chick #1 in back of room, whispering: You guys, I can't touch that stuff!
Chick #2: Why not? Are you pregnant?
Chick #1: You see, that's the thing -- I don't know...
Oklahoma State University
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: She's majoring in drunken sorority girl
So I'm Just Going to Assume It's Jesse Jackson
Lady #1: ... And I don't even know who the daddy is!
Lady #2: That's hilarious!
B. Dalton - College Square Mall
Cedar Falls, Iowa
Overheard by: Darcy
Categories: Iowa | Ladies who lunch | Parenting | Pregnancy | Posted 2007-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Can Hold It Over the Kid for Life
Pregnant, tattooed hipster: This is killing me. How can I go without ink for nine months?
Tattooed hipster friend: Oh, I know.
Nevada
Which I Do to Make Getting Pregnant Fun
Girl: That's totally the last time I'm getting pregnant. It takes all the fun out of drinking!
RFK Stadium Metro Station
Washington, DC
Categories: Hoochies | Philosophy | Pregnancy | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Like to Figure Out How It Happened
Chick in hall: Guess what? I'm pregnant.
Friend: Oh.
Chick: Yeah. Wanna study tonight?
Arlington High School
Arlington, Texas
Overheard by: tina
Categories: Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Texas | Posted 2007-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Has a Right to Know Why Your Water Broke in His Classroom
Girl: Why would I tell Professor Turner I'm pregnant? I haven't even told my parents yet.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: bailey
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Pregnancy | Students | Posted 2007-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He's Not Getting Out 'Til He Learns the Combo
Male coworker: So, wassup?! You holding down the third trimester? You got that thang on lock?!
Preggers coworker: Hell yeah!
Oakland, California
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: California | Coworkers | Overheard in California's Journal | Pregnancy | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
