Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics | Maladies

Save That for Therapy.

Five-year-old girl to hair brush: Mommy doesn't want me to buy you or to talk to you... That makes me sad.
Embarrassed mom: Come on sweetie, let's go home.
(kid keeps talking to hair brush, mom yanks it away)
Mom, leaving store: Now is not the time to talk to hair brushes!

North Carolina

Overheard by: Wondering why mom was embarrassed

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Can You Hear Me Now??

Man, hitting himself in the head with cell phone: I'm not giving you your fuckin' phone back until you fuckin' go to your fuckin' psychiatrist and take your fuckin' pills!
Woman: Give me my phone.
Man: I'll smash your phone on my head!
Woman: Give me my phone!
Man: Go to your fuckin' psychiatrist! Get your fuckin' pills!

Toronto
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Thought Guys Liked Talking About Wood?

Pretty girl to boyfriend: I don't know if I have too many toothpicks, or not enough.
Boyfriend: So this is where the crazy starts?

Grocery Store
Havelock, North Carolina

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That's a Funny Name for a Ghost!

Crazy guy: Hey, June*! Do you know that my cabinets keep opening and closing by themselves?
June*: Well, do you believe in ghosts?
Crazy guy: Yes, I do!
June*: Maybe your place is haunted, and the ghosts just want to say hello.
Crazy guy, after thinking a while: No, I think it's just my schizophrenia.

Burlington, Vermont

Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And I'm Sure He Was Using That Rope As a Clothesline

Psychologist #1: He said he was going to do his laundry, which is a really good sign.
Psychologist #2: Yeah, you can't want to commit suicide and want clean clothes.

Manhattan, New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...In a Non-Sexual Way?

Behavioral therapist, in very serious voice, to child with autism about animal crackers: Jason, put the elephant in your mouth!
Child's mother, laughing: How often do you honestly get to say that?

St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia

Overheard by: aba therapist

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...So Most Of You Got That Wrong on the Midterm.

Psychology professor at all-women college: Personality disorders are the people you end up married to.

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Sabrina

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If You've Never Been Forced to Go to Bible Camp, You Can't Judge.

Woman to friend: And her therapist is saying she doesn't need any more therapy sessions. I mean, she was cutting herself at camp a only month ago!

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: not appropriate in the hardware store

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In Alabama It's Kind Of Hard to Tell

Older woman #1: I really need to get my flu shot this week.
Older woman #2: I got mine last week.
Older woman #3: Ya'll better watch out getting those flu shots, haven't you heard that vaccines cause autism?

Birmingham, Alabama

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

She Also Wondered This Throughout The Sound Of Music

Fashionable girl to singing man on bicycle: Excuse me, are you mentally ill or just musically inclined?

Düsseldorf
Germany

Overheard by: Anja Schwalm

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Juding by the Way You're Huddled in the Corner, Chanting in Middle English.

Professor: Sorry, I think I just gave a few of you post-traumatic Chaucer disorder.

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Russ

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That Would've Been Great Fodder for Our Dr. Phil Appearance

Teen girl: My brother got released from the loony bin today. Same day as he got a new roommate, who kills animals and has an extra Y chromosome. I'm like, "Goddamn!"

Highlands Ranch, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Which Is Also What Tom Said.

Girl #1: So what are we looking for here?
Girl #2, distractedly: A birthday card for my boyfriend Tom*. (pauses) I mean...
Girl #1: Oh my god, you totally just called your best friend your boyfriend! If that's not a huge Freudian slip, I don't know what is.
Girl #2: Freud can suck my dick!

Culpeper, Virginia

Overheard by: freudian follower

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Debate About Renée Zellweger Rages on

Guy: That's an unfortunate-looking girl.
Girl: She has Down syndrome.
Guy: I'm going to hell.

University of Florida

Overheard by: Nick

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Didn't They Try That Defense in a Law & Order Episode?

College guy #1: I think racism is just really bad OCD!
College guy #2: Haha, yeah!

University of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It's the California Default Setting

Girl #1: You're retarded.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too.

San Diego, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

When Aesop Tried Peyote

Dude: You fail to see that the rhinoceros is not pleased that you've clogged the bathtub drain with jam and celery. She's quite angry with you. I mean, if you just shit out a canary, it's not going to want to play tonsil hockey.
Friend: How hard would it be to get you involuntarily committed to a mental institution?

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Russ

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Sure You're Not Thinking Of Herman?

Student: Hey, sir, did you hear about James?
Teacher: No.
Student: He's got fifteen people living in his head. Want to join them?
Teacher: No, not a chance.

Bristol, Vermont

Overheard by: Misaki

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Fair Enough. Solitary Confinement It Is, Then.

Newly admitted psych patient: I'm here because I'm crazy! What the hell is art therapy going to do for me?

Highland Park, Illinois

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

He Keeps Telling Us He's Not Straight.

Woman on cell: Take him home in a straitjacket, or take him to the psych ward in a straitjacket...either way, he's not going to be happy.

Saratoga, California

Overheard by: Coffee shoppe caffeine junky

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Plus He Brings Me Noodles from Afar

50-something woman #1: I think he has that Marco Polo thing.
50-something woman #2: What?
50-something woman #1: You know, when someone is like, really depressed one minute then really happy the next.
50-something woman #2: Do you mean bipolar disorder?
50-something woman #1: Yeah that's the one.

Liverpool
England

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That, or the Patriot Act

Dirty hobo (screaming): Does anyone have any popcorn on this fucking train? (glares because no one answers) That's what's fucked up with his country, no one will give you any fucking popcorn!

BART Train
San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Mike Hunt Fights the Temptation to Change His Name

Older lady customer: Are you Chris?
Manager guy: No, I'm Mike.
Older lady customer: Are you Carl?
Manager guy: No, I'm still Mike.

Perkins Restaurant
Westfall, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Veronica @ http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Well, Your Ice Caps Are Melting

Student: So, the only way they won't kick me out of college is if I was diagnosed with a mental problem. Do you think I can pull off bipolar?

University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Three Beers Is O'Doul's

Assumed alcoholic: You didn't have alcohol. One beer isn't alcohol. Six beer is alcohol!

St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So This Case of Beer Was by Prescription, Your Honor

25-year-old man: If I don't have enough to drink, I get tired and go to sleep. It's a character flaw.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: kung pao rick.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Scooby and the Gang Stage an Intervention for Velma

Father: Sweetie, your affection for the dog is causing you to hallucinate.

Empress Pavillion
Chinatown, California

Overheard by: Yapplebee

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

An Institution Worth Protecting

Obese middle-aged tourist to husband: I called him and told him we're at passenger pick-up 2. He called and asked where we'd be, and I said passenger pick-up 2, that's where he can find us. It's just easier to find us when he gets here. Passenger pick-up 2. And it's cold. That's why I brought this vest. I brought this vest in case it got cold, and it got cold. I'm going to button it up. Did you hear me? I'm going to button it up. There, it's buttoned. (husband ignores her)

Newark Airport, New Jersey

Overheard by: EthanK

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But Enough About Me-- What Are Your Interests?

Girl: I really like playing with grass...also, I think I'm going to crazy one day.

John Mayer Concert
Holmdel, New Jersey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Got My Own Personal Trail Of Tears Over Here

Crazy old white lady trying on wedding veil: So I always wondered why I didn't look good in these things...until 2004.
Disinterested customer: Oh?
Crazy old white lady: Yeah, then I found out I was part Native American. At least 5%.
Disinterested customer (confused): Oh...?
Crazy, old white lady: Yeah. That's why I don't look good in veils. Cause we Native Americans don't wear them.
Disinterested customer: I got married in a courthouse.
Crazy old white lady: I hate to say it since I am part white, but damn those white people!

Goodwill
Altoona, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If You Have Anything to Say to Me, You Can Say It Via Text

Girl on subway: Hey, can we talk for a minute?
Guy sitting next to her: What are you, some kind of psycho?

Shout-out: community.livejournal.com

Overheard by: Ian

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

e e cummings Would Go on to Fame and Fortune

Hobo, sitting next to guys on bench: And then my guys, damn birds! (mutters incoherently) Everywhere! Fucking pigeons! They eat and shit and live and shit. (mutters incoherently) Cats, and mind control, that's what we need...
(hobo gets up and rolls down the street)
Guy #1: What the fuck?
Guy #2: I think he's my hero.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But Why Would You Trust Her After She Traded Your Cow for Magic Beans?

Dude #1: So yeah, Kayla* got me kicked off the ski trip because I gave her ten bucks to buy some food. And she bought scissors. Fucking scissors. And apparently I'm not stable enough to have scissors and they think I'll fucking stab someone with them. And she gave me back $2.48 in change. The scissors were from the fucking dollar store. They couldn't have been that expensive. Next time she sits on my lap in math class I'm gonna call her a pick-pocket.
Dude #2: Okay, great story. Now shut the fuck up. I missed half the fucking dialogue of Cloverfield.

West Edmonton Mall
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: Trying to watch Cloverfield

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Schoolhouse Rock That Was Too "Edgy" for the U.S.

Math teacher: Use the ratio test if you can expect to cancel out many many factors, like a happy schizophrenic child flailing his factor-canceling-crowbar.

Philippines

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

How Many National Secrets Are Spilled

Little girl to mom: This ice cream is screwing with my mind.

McDonald's
Dayton, Ohio

Overheard by: heather

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

They Usually Have Pretty Cool Stereo Equipment

Customer: My therapist wants me to start thinking of men as friends. Seriously though, if you can't fuck'em, what's the point?

Espresso Drive Thru
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: The Barista Who Loves Her Job

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Some People Love Jesus More Than Others

Girl: Seriously, she's completely obsessed. Like all of her final drawings were of his penis. Like all of them.

Roanoke, Virginia

Overheard by: Abbie

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Thanks, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome!

Mother, to three-year old in stroller: Oh, ha ha ha! You're retarded.

Paducah, Kentucky

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

She Keeps a Cyanide One in Her Desk for Emergencies

Student: What are you eating?
Teacher: My bracelet... it's made of anti-depressants.

Tucson, Arizona

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Foil Helmet Just Seals in the Knowledge

Student: I have this irrational fear of being clunked over the head and shipped to a country whose alphabet I don't know, so I'm trying to learn all these alphabets... I must be paranoid, I don't know.

Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: l_tau

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The 1990's Called...

Philosophy professor, proving his argument: Therefore, if I don't get a little crazy, then I'm never gonna survive.

Michigan State University
Michigan

Overheard by: sjshock

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It's No Country for Old Women, Either

Middle aged woman to another: It's not the hot flashes that are so bad... It's the depression.

BeauJo's
Ft. Collins, Colorado

Overheard by: always listening

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

God, I Miss College

College girl: Remember that girl who admitted to stealing my clothes from the laundry room?
Friend: Yeah?
College girl: Well, she finally gave me my clothes back at the end of the semester before she mysteriously disappeared. I was like going through them and I found not just my clothes, but like other people's clothes too. Not just girls either. I found tighty-whities and shit. But the weirdest part was at the bottom of the basket. There was a plastic bag of jewelry ranging from like cheapo rhinestone shit to like semiprecious stones, a tv remote with no batteries, a crazy-straw, some masking tape, an empty lipstick tube thing, and a handful of Canadian money.

Newark, New Jersey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Used to Think It Was Sad, but Now I Can Laugh about It

Dude: I may be bipolar, but she's fucking crazy!

650 NE Holladay Street
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Too Many Papercuts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But Adam Sandler's Rich!

Guy: Come on! He's only a little retarded.
Chick: I'm not going to sleep with him. Ever!

Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com

Overheard by:

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

She's a Committed Omnivore

British woman: Ah, look, Dede's eating a piece of paper.
American woman: I caught her eating a crayon today.
British woman: The other day she ate a piece of chalk during class. She'll basically eat anything you give to her.

Volta School for the Mentally Handicapped
Gbi Kpendu, Volta Region
Ghana, West Africa

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Telepathic Communication Exception

Evidence prof, about hearsay exceptions: When Lebron James makes a three at the end of a game, is it a statement? He's not actually saying anything. Actually, often when I go to games there is a woman with Downs Syndrome who sits behind me. She's a lovely woman... She thinks the players are talking to her.

Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?