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If It Could Happen to Lance Armstrong, It Could Happen to Anybody!
Girl #1: I'm all freaked out now! I bet you she's pregnant! My sister's pregnant!
Girl #2: I'm sure she's not pregnant, you're assuming the worst.
Girl #1: Oh my god! What if she has testicle cancer?!
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: monkey
Now I'm Working on a Novel About Them
Suit on the Taipei subway: After I went home that day, I kept thinking about hemorrhoids.
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan
Aww, Look at Its Little Fuzzy Valtrex
Girl, observing a display of plush microbes: I want herpes! I think it's so cute!
SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Jeni
Anybody Have Any Bread?
(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it's April 1st) Haha... His consumption smells like raspberries.
Colorado University, Boulder
Overheard by: In the back of the classroom
Categories: Class | Colorado | Default | Food | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Maladies | Offers and requests | Questions | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nietzsche Was a Shitty Roommate
Boy housemate #1: Ah! I feel so sick, my tummy hurts.
Girl housemate #1: Do you want some soup?
Girl housemate #2: Do you want some toast?
Boy housemate #2: Do you want some "harden-the-fuck-up"?
Gold Coast
Australia
So Thanks for Letting Me Into Yale
Hipster guy: Yeah, it probably didn't help that I gave you poison ivy and then threw up on you.
Bar
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Etiquette | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Maladies | Missouri | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sternum, Scrotum: Scranton
Girl #1: Owww, my sternum hurts. Wait...I have one of those, right?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Don't only boys have sternums?
[pause]
Girl #3: I think you're thinking of scrotum...
University of Scranton
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gender issues | Girls | Maladies | Pennsylvania | Questions | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Typhoid Mary Was Also an Avid Bowler
Woman at table dining with friend: I mean, I love infectious diseases, don't get me wrong, but that's not my life.
Red Restaurant
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: kyndgrrl
Categories: Compare and contrast | Feelings | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Ladies who lunch | Maladies | Restaurants | Tennessee | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Suck His Toes and You'll Be High for Days
Large black woman on cell: Girl! I'm tellin' you, I don't know where I gots them warts on my feets. But they nasty! I don't want to give them to nobody else, so I brought me some lil' socks, you know... Them cushy foots? Not like Earl, who goes barefoot all over the city with them mushroom funguses on his toes. His toenails be like baby powder! They all crumbly and shit.
Detroit Metro Airport
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Trying not to barf (and glad I wore socks)
Categories: Airports & flights | Black people | Body parts | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Health & Hygiene | Hoochies | Maladies | Michigan | On the phone | Threats | Women | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Containing All That Evil?
Girl #1: Do you think anyone's like... Actually a good person?
[long pause]
Girl #2: Ugh, my stomach really hurts today.
Drew University
Madison, New Jersey
Categories: Bringing it back to you | Character | Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Girls | Gripes | Maladies | New Jersey | Questions | Sorority types | Students | Posted 2008-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Now On, I'm Smoking with the Other End
Korean queer, smoking: I heard oral sex gives you more throat cancer than cigarettes.
Dida's Bar
Sao Paulo
Brazil
Categories: BJs | Bars & Clubs | Brazil | Compare and contrast | Default | Maladies | Queers | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Are You?
Guy to girl: What? Your tummy hurts? Let's make out!
Auburn, Alabama
Categories: Couples | Default | Foreplay | Maladies | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Want to Spread the Cancer Evenly Throughout Your Body
Friend #1: You're not inhaling!
Smoking girl: Do I have to inhale?
Friend #1: Yeah. Otherwise you're not really smoking.
Friend #2: You're just getting mouth cancer.
Bryn Mawr College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Maladies | Pennsylvania | Questions | Smoking | Posted 2008-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, See That It Doesn't Happen Again
Professor: So, were you in this class before?
Man: Yeah -- I dropped halfway through.
Professor: That's right! You were the flake!
Man: I had open-heart surgery!
Las Positas College
Livermore, California
Categories: California | Maladies | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Hard to Tell Who's Retarded and Who's Just Texan
Chick #1: Sarah took her retarded sister-in-law to the game last night. They ended up getting drunk and going to a strip club. She really is retarded.
Chick #2: Like, literally retarded?
Chick #1: Yeah.
Chick #2: Well, that sounds like an interesting night...
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Wish I could've been there
So, Why'd God Break Your Hip, Myrtle?
Old lady #1: ... And now he's crippled!
Old lady #2: Well, of course he is. That's what God does to people who get divorced.
Old lady #1: That's true.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Voudou
Categories: God | Maladies | Old folks | Relationships | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Smarter Friends Might Help
Girl #1: He has, like, ACD or something!
Girl #2: You mean 'OCD.'
Girl #3: No, you mean 'ADD.'
Girl #1: Wait, no. I meant depression. He has depression.
Wal-Mart
Syracuse, New York
Until She Found a Market for the Photos on the Internet
Professor: Sorry if you've been excited to see how you did on your essays, but I didn't get a chance to mark them over Christmas break.
Class: [Groans.]
Professor: Well, my testicles swelled to the size of grapefruit over the holiday break, so don't think you're the only ones disappointed. My wife wasn't thrilled, either.
York University
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: decidingwhethertolaughornot
Many Girls Simply Take Refuge in Their Own Kind
Giggling coed looking at something in friend's purse: Think you have enough of those?
Friend: I know it looks bad, but I'm terribly allergic to male sperm.
Durango, Colorado
It's a Twofer!
Child running up escalator: I'm winning again!
Mom, huffing and puffing on other escalator: Yeah, well, I'm having a stroke, so...
Cleveland Park Metro station
Washington, DC
Categories: Kids | Maladies | Moms | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So It's No Problem If I Stub Them Out in Your Eyes?
Angry security guard lady: Hey! There's no smoking out here!
Smoker guy #1, wearing dark shades and not sorry: Sorry, we didn't know.
Angry security guard lady: Well, there's a sign right next to you.
Smoker guy #2, wearing dark shades: We're blind -- that's why we're at the Eye Center.
Security guard lady, laughing loudly: Hahaha! Well, okay!
Kellogg Eye Center
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Ewan Macpherson
But I'm Willing to Share
Three-year-old girl, cheerily scratching at rash: I have excema!
Crowded train
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Eggs
Categories: Maladies | Oregon | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Consider It -- What Else You Got?
Nine-year-old boy: Mom, my stomach hurts.
Mom: Then take off your pants.
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: academia
Categories: Kids | Maladies | Moms | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2008-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Won the Fuck-Like-Walt-Whitman Contest Hands Down
Dude: Overall, it was a good weekend... My knees, ass and thumb hurt.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: clickmehard
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Maladies | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2008-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Might Be Better Just to Stalk Him
Girl #1: I wish I was sick and he would come visit me... Like Make-a-Wish.
Girl #2: You're saying you want cancer so Heath Ledger will come visit you?
Girl #1: No! ... Kinda...
Laguna Hills, California
Overheard by: me too
Categories: About celebrities | California | Chicks | Maladies | Posted 2007-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Left Him with an Iron and a Bathtub to Amuse Himself
Mom, oblivious to sons sliding on ice through parking lot: So, I guess we want a tree that's really tall, but not too wide...
Lady, wincing every time boys slide near a moving car: Wow, those two must be a handful, huh?
Mom: Oh, yeah. Actually, I have three, but the youngest is at home because he broke his neck and he's too hard to cart around.
Syracuse, New York
Dunno, It Feels Like It's Helping
Old woman: Should you really be drinking with your condition?
Young guy: What condition?
Old woman: Y'know -- the crazy and all.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: fregout
We Need That Sample for the Science Fair!
Teen girl: I have a fever.
Teen boy: Oh, no! Any vomiting?
Teen girl: Not yet.
Teen boy: Damn!
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Greg
Categories: California | Maladies | Teens | Posted 2007-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Got It Wholesale from a Can of Crabmeat That Was Left in the Sun
Guy on cell: I got a face full of botulism! Look at me -- I'm sexy!
New Jersey
Categories: Maladies | New Jersey | On the phone | Posted 2007-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Luckily, I Was There to Apply Blush on Her While They Were Removing Her Lung
Woman on cell: I totally didn't recognize her. Yeah, so I guess she thinks she can get away with not doing her hair and make-up before surgery.
Office Depot
Fort Worth, Texas
Categories: Beauty | Biotechs | Maladies | North America | On the phone | Stores | Texas | USA | Posted 2007-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God, You're Such a Maudlin Drunk
Dad to howling toddler: Stop it! Suck it up! You don't hear anyone else crying, do you?
United flight descending into O'Hare
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Categories: Airports & flights | Dads | Illinois | Maladies | North America | Parenting | Parents | USA | Posted 2007-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hell, There Will Probably Be More!
Guy to girl selling breast cancer t-shirts: I'll do it later -- the kids with cancer will still have cancer.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Mike
Categories: Maladies | New York | North America | Overheard at Cornell | USA | Posted 2007-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People Say They Lack Focus
Student giving presentation: There's also astigmatism on people who are poor...
Wright State University
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: thinks he meant
