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Some Girls Have a Gift for Spilling Their Mountain Dew
Gossipy high school girl to others: I don't think she was faking it. The couch was all wet when they got up!
Ice Cream Shop
St. Louis, Missouri
She Claimed the Pasties Were Medicinal.
Guy: So she lied to me. She said she wasn't eighteen.
Girl: How old was she?
Guy: Nineteen. And she said she wasn't a stripper.
Berkeley, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Girls | Guys | Lies | Sex | Posted 2010-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Must Be Gay, Then
Boy: So, do you have a boyfriend?
Cute, chubby girl, with suspicion: No...
Boy: Can I get your number?
Girl: No.
Boy: Why?
Girl: I'm gay.
Boy: Oh... Really?
Girl: No. Sorry. Creeper reflex.
Boy: So you wanna go out?
Girl: No.
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bonding | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Lies | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2010-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Are Happy to Help a Complete Stranger Have a Trauma
Young woman #1: So we just left her in there with the stallions for like four hours. She still doesn't know anything about it.
Young woman #2: Oh my gosh, you never told her? I'm going to tell her next time I see her.
Young woman #1: No, don't tell her! She doesn't drink, so she'd just be like, "waaahhh, what did you guys do to me?"
Young woman #2: Oh, right.
Upstate New York
Categories: Lies | New York | Sensory experiences | Sex | Women | Posted 2010-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Also Don't Believe in the Existence Of John and Kate
Suspicious wife: Hey, didn't you tell me that mermaids don't really exist?
Husband: Yes. And I stand by that.
Suspicious wife: Then how cone they had a show on TLC called Mermaid Girl and it was all about a girl who was a real mermaid?
Husband: They aren't talking about the kind of mermaid that you're thinking of! It's probably just a girl with her legs fused together or something. The mermaids you're thinking of don't exist and they never have!
Suspicious wife: They exist. You lied to me!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Momo
America: Encapsulated.
Slightly obese lady on cell: Of course I'm at the gym, honey! I promised to go to the gym today, so I'm at the gym! (hangs up, talks to friend) What an idiot. I want some ice cream.
Ice Cream Shop
Missouri
Overheard by: jeeves
Categories: Diet & weight | Fat people | Food | Friends | Insults | Lies | Missouri | On the phone | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2010-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Graduate, in a Nutshell
Guy: My parents seem fake. My parents' friends seem really really fake.
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Guys | Lies | Parenting | Texas | Posted 2010-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...By Lying
Guy #1: I was supposed to interview my grandma for my sociology project, but I didn't. I'm going to have to like, make up her life right now.
Guy #2: Why didn't you interview her?
Guy #1: Well, she lives in Oregon, and you know, the time change...
Guy #2: Dude, there's no time change from here to Oregon.
Guy #1: I know that, shut up! I'm trying to make myself feel better.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Beatrice
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Guys | Lies | US Geography | Washington | Posted 2010-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: The Long Goodbye
Nurse to elderly woman trying to escape from old folks' home: Come on, ma'am, we need to get you back inside.
Elderly woman: I don't need to get back inside, I need to get home! Rape! Rape!
Christchurch
New Zealand
Just Chillin' in Central Park
Man on cell: Did I say Boston? I'm sorry, I was just in Boston, that's why I said that. Atlanta, I'm in Atlanta right now.
Beacon Hill Starbucks
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Lies | Massachusetts | On the phone | Restaurants | US Geography | Posted 2010-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Men Die Before Women: Explained
Angry boyfriend: I'm not off gallivanting around town!
Girlfriend: (indistinct mumbles)
Angry boyfriend: I don't hang out with anyone!
Girlfriend: (more mumbles)
Angry boyfriend: I'll just lie to you from now on.
Kent, Ohio
Coupons Are Just What the Government Uses to Distract You from the Aliens
Barista: That will be $9.74, please.
Customer: I have a coupon.
Barista, singing as she rings up new total: Lies, lies, lies.
Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Trouble
So You're Not Really an Elderly Asian Man?
Girl to friend: Sometimes I lie. (pause) Usually... I'm lying.
Novi, Michigan
Once Upon a Lie in Mexico
Guy on phone: Hey. (pause) No, I can't make it. (pause) Yeah, I'm in Mexico.
Murrieta, California
Overheard by: we're not that far from mexico, but still.....
Categories: California | Guys | Lies | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What Your Novel's About?
Man eating with his family: So when she took her home pregnancy test, she accidentally peed all over the counter. When he confronted her, she lied about it, and also told him she wasn't pregnant. But then my sister told him that she was actually pregnant.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: just trying to enjoy my meat scrambler
Which Has a Built-In Polygraph
Teen, trying to convince friends: He wasn't lying! It was on Facebook!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the usher
Categories: Friends | Internet | Lies | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Squint, Damn Your Eyes!
History professor: You know how I said that this class wouldn't have a lot of text-heavy PowerPoint slides? Sometimes I lie to you, because that's funny.
Community College
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: i love this school
Is That What This Is?
Male patron, hitting on girl at bar: Not gonna lie, when I get drunk, I get charming.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: friends of both
Categories: Bosses | Bragging | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Lies | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Much Like My Soul!
Girl on cell: Yeah, so I'm going to tell my mom that he asked me to marry him, and then he died. (pause) Yeah, she'll probably ask if I need anything, and that's when I'll tell her about the car. (pause) Yeah, I'll be heartbroken, blah, blah, blah... at least I'll get a new car out of the deal! (pause) He's a made-up boyfriend! She's not going to find out he didn't really die, because he never really existed!
San Marcos, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Lies | On the phone | Parenting | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Just Sat in the Waiting Room and Read Magazines
Girl #1: I got a lot of color without being in the sun very much; just in the car.
Girl #2: I'm so jealous!
Girl #1: Well, I also went to the tanning salon...
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Lies | Posted 2009-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next You'll Be Telling Me My Penis Is a Decent Size!
Annoyed guy to girl: But just now you told me you weren't cold! It's our first date and you're already lying to me!
Pretoria
South Africa.
Overheard by: CBGB
Categories: Africa | Girls | Guys | Lies | Relationships | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Misrepresent!
Suit on cell: Where do you think I am? I'm at work.
Ticket taker: All tickets and passes!
Suit on cell: I'll call you back. I have a conference call.
R7 Regional Rail
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: I'm at work too
Categories: Employees | Lies | Pennsylvania | Questions | Suits | Posted 2009-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Mandated Intro to All Evolution Classes in Virginia
Professor: For all you know, this is a huge lie!
Christopher Newport University
Newport News, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Lies | Teachers | Virginia | Posted 2009-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Lucky the Wildfires Keep Us Safe
Girl #1: There are these bees in Asia, and they like shoot venom at you and it like eats your skin or something.
Girl #2: Wow, that's crazy, man! Remind me never to go to Africa.
High School
Scottsdale, Arizona
I Get All My Internet News from the Radio
Teen girl: Hey guys! I heard there's going to be like, a digital Armageddon today!
Teen boy: I think that's a hoax.
Teen girl: No, but I heard it on the radio (pause) They wouldn't have reported it like that if it was fake.
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: H. G. Wells
Categories: Lies | Pennsylvania | Pop culture | Stupidity | Technology | Teens | Posted 2009-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Right Said Fred Could Not Sustain Their Popularity
Guy #1: Just admit it, man.
Guy #2: Admit what? That I'm great and wonderful and perfect in every way shape and form? Alright, I'm great and wonderful and perfect in every way shape and form!
Guy #1: No, admit that you're crazier than me!
Guy #2: Yeah, well...you're just Mr "Too sexy for my shirt," and I'm Mr "Too sexy for my life," but seriously, I'm so smart and everyone loves me.
Guy #3: You're just lyin' to yourself, man.
Guy #2: I'm too sexy for the world! That's just the way it is. I'm the next Albert Einstein. Everyone will soon realize that they love me. You all know that I'm right, so say that I am always right! You're dumb and I'm smart. Everyone loves me.
Bus driver: Will you guys be quiet? No one wants to hear this!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Lulu
Categories: Bragging | Bringing it back to you | Bus | Bus drivers | Compare and contrast | Guys | Lies | New York | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Camera Loves You, by the Way
Reporter to bodyguard for racist, fascist political party holding a press conference: Can you tell us why we're not being allowed to enter?
Bodyguard: You've printed repeated and insidious lies about our party.
Reporter, after long pause: We're a tv station.
Manchester
England
And What's That on Your Hamburger?
Chick: Has anyone seen the bottle of fake blood?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Lies | Pennsylvania | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That, Like, Forbidden by the Bible?
Dude on cell: You are a liar. We talked about this before. (5 minutes later) Did you wash the red comforter? (pause) So you think I'm just going to sleep in the bed where she got her pussy juice?
Koreatown
Los Angeles, California
The High School Musical Outtakes Were Somewhat Shocking
Guy: Why were you guys talking about my penis?
Girl: We weren't.
Guy: Yes you were! I heard you mention it!
Girl: Zach! The world doesn't revolve around you and your penis!
Hagley Park
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Lies | New Zealand | Penis | Questions | Posted 2009-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kid Used to Yell "Boink Me, Daddy!"
Four-year-old boy: Daddy! I wanna get hammered!
(mom pulls out a toy rubber hammer, sighing)
Dad, to everyone around: Shhhhh, nobody heard that! If you did, little forgetfulness fairies will fly into your mind!
Airport
Phoenix, Arizona
Categories: Airports & flights | Arizona | Dads | Default | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Lies | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Show Me Two Forms Of ID and a Picture Of Your Coronary Arteries
Dramatic teenage girl: Um, we would like an Awesome Blossom, extra awesome.
Unhappy waitress: We don't serve that anymore.
Dramatic teenage girl: Yes, you do. Don't lie to me, lady.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
He Had to Lay Off Most Of His Elves
Little boy in coffee shop: Mom, I want it, I want it, I want it!
Mom: Shhh, Joshua! Santa Claus is watching!
Little boy: Mom! Santa Claus is not watching!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
...That I Just Blew Him and He Fell Asleep
Blonde: Did you sleep with him?
Brunette: (nods)
Blonde: What!? But you're my virgin friend!
Brunette: I can pretend...
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: The Shrew
Like a University Professor Ever Has to Pay for It
Statistics professor: So let's say we ask a random question, such as "have you had unprotected sex with a prostitute in the last week?".
(class laughs)
Statistics professor: Most people would answer "no." Including myself. I'll leave it up to you to decide if that's the truth or not.
University of Guelph
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Danielle
And He Claimed It's Not Meant to Be Eaten Directly from the Jar
Woman in line at the bank: I am thinking about leaving him. All he does is lie to me!
Friend: Oh? Lie about what?
Woman: Well, yesterday he bought me some of that Nutella spread? He said it was chocolate, but I know for a fact that it's hazelnut!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Food | Friends | Lies | Names | Pennsylvania | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like the Dirty Little Republican You Are
(attractive couple are making out against a car. The girl's phone goes off.).
Girl: Hello? Hey, mom. No, I'm still at school. Rehearsal's going to be late today. Yeah, I'll call you. Bye!
Guy: I love when you lie.
Houston, Texas
Categories: Couples | Default | Education | Family ties | Girls | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Lies | Texas | Posted 2009-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on MythBusterBusters
Man wearing 9/11 conspiracy t-shirt to friend: Did I tell you I'm working on debunking the discovery channel?
University of Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Vejewsbian
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Ohio | Questions | TV shows | Posted 2008-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Couldn't, So I Placed Blame on the Terrorists
Biochemistry lecturer, talking about his cholesterol issues: So I was trying to figure out how I could blame this on my wife.
University of Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: pink sunnies
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Lies | Relationships | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When She Told Me the Soup Of the Day Was Split Pea
Possible transvestite: And I said, "Either you take a lie detector test at the American consulate or I'm packing my things and going!"
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Dear Gays and Lesbians-- Sure You Want This?
Sexy businesswoman on cell: No, I'll be here at the office for at least four or five more hours, honey. Love you. Bye. (sits down at bar next to young man and rubs his crotch) Husband's taken care of.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Categories: Default | Indiana | Infidelity | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Malls | On the phone | Suits | Time Management | Women | Posted 2008-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And His Cousins' Friend's Stomach Exploded from Pop Rocks
High school freshman: I once knew a guy who knew a guy who was a cyclops!
Kenosha, Wisconsin
Categories: Body parts | Default | Guys | Lies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teens | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Only Our Current Administration Could Grasp That Principle
Teacher: Hey! Who was screaming?
Three-year-old: I was.
Teacher: Well, stop screaming inside.
Three-year-old: Sam* was screaming.
Teacher: Look, important lesson for the future: keep your lies consistent.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
Jared Likes to Watch the History Channel on Acid
Teen to others: Did you know that Ben Franklin invented the first haunted house?
In Line for Haunted House
Roanoke, Vriginia
Video Might Be More Helpful
Woman to boyfriend: Get back here so I can take a picture of you lying to me!
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Trying not to spit soda from my nose
How Mrs. Bisbee Made the 'Naughty' List
Mom: I don't know what I should get for him. He likes video games and that kind of stuff. I got him a GameCube last year and he loves it.
Five-year-old child (looks away from game display, shocked): But you told me Santa got me the GameCube!
Best Buy
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Default | Kids | Kids | Lies | Moms | Santa Claus | Stores | Technology | Washington | Posted 2008-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Baby Can Wait 'Til I'm Done with My Deep-Dish
Woman eating pizza with friends: So, do you want to go to the hospital? Okay, I'm on my way...I'll be a few minutes though. (hangs up and continues eating)
Louis Pizza
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Default | Food | Health & Hygiene | Lies | Maladies | Michigan | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Brooklyn Itself Is Almost Imaginary
Half-drunk tourist girl: You're lying! Nobody has all that happen in their life!
Half-drunk guy with NY accent: I'm from Brooklyn! We all live unbelievable lives!
Parker House Bar
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: annikee
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Lies | Massachusetts | Tourists | US Geography | Posted 2008-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Orgasm-Faking Deceivers, the Lot of You!
Professor, during a discussion about Lear's daughters in King Lear: well, don't you guys ever lie?
(class stays silent)
Professor: You all lie, especially the girls.
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Class | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Gender issues | Lies | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2008-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I'm Terrified a Cat in a Hat Will Come Mess Up My House
Professor: I thought this was made up, but then I read it in a book, which of course means it?s true.
East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina
Categories: Books | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Idiots | Lies | North Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Case You're Curious...
Little boy: Dad, what's a "brer" rabbit?
Father: A rabbit with a lot of brer in it.
Magic Kingdom
Disney World, Florida
Overheard by: Natalie
One of the Perks of Dating Helen Keller
Smug TA: While I was with her I was doing crack. She had no idea.
Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Druggies | Drugs | Guys | Lies | Pride | Relationships | Students | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait-- What Exactly Are You Using As a Volleyball?
Mom to three-year-old son under the table: Whatcha' doin' under there, buddy?
Three-year-old son: Playing volleyball.
Dad: Volleyball? Smells like you're pooping your pants.
Three-year-old son, giggling: I am.
Three-year-old son's sister to friend: See, I told you it wasn't the food.
Los Tres Amigos Mexican Restaurant
Michigan
Overheard by: Scott
Categories: Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Lies | Michigan | Moms | Poop | Questions | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Siblings | Posted 2008-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Stole Me from a Playground!
Little boy, standing next to a car: Daddy, this isn't our car! Daddy, what are you doing? This isn't our car!
Man: Look, buddy, you've got to stop saying that when we're in parking lots. [to a couple walking by] I just got a new car.
Little boy: No you didn't!
AMC Theatres
Owings Mills, Maryland
Overheard by: they steal cars, dont they?
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Family ties | Fears | Kids | Kids | Lies | Maryland | Posted 2008-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Knowing What That Is Is Like a Rorshach for Nerdity
Student: Somebody drew a triforce in the bathroom.
Teacher: There's a penis in the hall and now a triforce in the bathroom?
English Class
Arcadia, California
Overheard by: Sam
Categories: California | Default | Games | Lies | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Tweens | Words | Posted 2008-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which They Got Fucking a Liar
Drunk girl, loudly: Anyone who says they've never had an itchy asshole is just fucking lying.
Cock O the Walk Bar
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Beer Bitch
But We're Totally in the Clear with Wikipedia, Right?
Dude: You know, less than half of Snapple facts are true.
Chick: Really? Because I totally cited those in research papers.
College Park, Maryland
But Smokers and Belchers Rise Straight to the Top
Grandpa to grandson: ... And no one but nobody can be a young leader if they crack their knuckles!
Washington, DC
Categories: Advice | Default | Family | Health & Hygiene | Lies | Old folks | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Only Meant You'll Spread Your Legs for Every Cock That Comes Your Way
Girl on phone: No, I'm sure she didn't mean that... No, really, you must have taken it wrong... No! Trust me, I'm sure when she called you a whore she didn't mean it that way!
Grand Valley State University
Allendale, Michigan
Overheard by: breakin-laker
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Insults | Lies | Michigan | On the phone | Words | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Students Are Unwilling to Spread the Word around Campus?
Professor: Even my own mother tells people I'm a drug dealer.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Overheard at UMBC | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Do the Gentlemanly Thing and Be a Dick to Her 'til She Gets the Hint
Guy #1: So, she said she didn't want to be just another girl I sleep with.
Guy #2: But that's what you want.
Guy #1: Well, yeah, but I can't say that.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Default | Guys | Liars | Lies | Overheard in Vancouver | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2008-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... After I Broke in and Changed All Your Answers to "Masturbation"?
Student: Yeah, she said 'good luck' to me. [Friend rolls eyes and shakes head.] I know. It's the University of Toronto -- she doesn't mean 'good luck.' What she really means is 'I hope you choke on a toothpick and die so I can get your spot in the program.'
Friend, sighing: It really is a shame this school has to be so competitive... How'd you do on that last test?
University of Toronto
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: A+
I Am So Sick of Blowing Middle-Aged Poindexters
Sorority girl, crying: I've been working so hard, and I don't feel like I'm being rewarded for it.
Professor: What? What do you mean?
Sorority girl, still crying: I mean, if I work so hard, I'll just die if I don't get an A.
Professor, irritated: Well, it's only four weeks into the semester. Why are you worried about your grade now? I don't guarantee any grades! [Professor leaves.]
Sorority girl, to friend: Damn. I should have saved the tears until at least midterm. Now I'll actually have to do the work. Damn.
University of Nevada, Las Vegas
Nevada
My Standards Are Low, but I Adhere to Them
Female customer: I would never do anything with someone other than my boyfriend.
Male customer: You cheated on your husband!
Female customer: I wasn't in love with my husband.
Visible Voice Books
Cleveland, Ohio
Frankly, I Feel the Ethics Committee Should Show Him No Mercy
Professor: I found the same paper that you turned in as your term paper on the Internet, word for word. That's plagiarizing!
Student: All right, I'll tell you the truth -- I didn't have time to write the term paper, so I paid somebody else to do it for me. But honest, I didn't know he'd plagiarize it!
College
New York
Overheard by: DizzyLizzy
But You've Also Said That about Mailmen, the FBI, Shepherds, and Priests
Woman to crying toddler: Now, stop it, or that policeman over there will come and take you away!
Man: That's right.
Woman: That's what policemen do. They take little boys away.
Man: That's right.
Outside the John Hancock Center
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: passerby-ing
Her Hit Record is Called "I'm a Mink Carcass-Schlepping Slave 4 U"
Crazy lady wearing only a bra: Well, my daddy says we should take my show on the road. I'm a singer, you know. I'm famous in Eastern Europe.
Dumbfounded drunk girls: Uh-huh... Totally.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Kari Nott
Categories: Bragging | Crazies | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Nevada | Posted 2008-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nor Breed Outside of Our Immediate Gene Pools
Cheerful guard examining passport photo: What, no smile?
Dour Canadian: No. In Canada we do not have to smile.
O'Hare International Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Rose Fox
The Kid Used to Invent Statistics for the Bush Administration
Teacher: You will build a car from a mouse trap.
Student #1: Those things are dangerous!
Teacher: What?
Student #1: People have died from them!
Student #2: Who's died from a mousetrap?
Student #1: Over 16 babies have been killed by mousetraps.
Teacher, after pause: People, keep your babies away from it.
Shout-out: overheardinhighschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Advice | Lies | Overheard in High School | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With As Few Lasting Emotional Scars As Possible
Three-year-old in stroller: I want to get out.
Mother: No. [Child starts crying.] You can't get out. Mickey Mouse will eat you.
Cashier: Um, have a magical day.
Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Sarah
And Put Some Underpants on, Wouldya?
Santa: Remember, you have to be very good so I can bring you lots of presents.
Little girl: I have been! I have been!
Santa: I came by your house the other day. Did you know that?
Little girl: Really?! Wow!
Santa: I looked in your window, and I saw lots of messy toys on your floor. And clothes.
Little girl, crying: I was just going to get a glass of water and then go back to clean them up, I promise!
Santa: Whatever.
Park Plaza Mall
Little Rock, Arkansas
You'll Love the Electric Highchair, Buddy
Happy dad to little kid: Capital punishment is fun!
Morgantown, West Virginia
Categories: Dads | Happiness | Lies | West Virginia | Posted 2007-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or We'll Be Late for Our Scientology Meeting.
Child, about diorama: Mommy, is that real?
Mother: No, it's all lies. Let's go.
Museum
Washington, DC
Categories: Kids | Lies | Moms | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Republican National Convention Is This Month
Woman to small child: Oh, yes, Satan is very busy. He's, uh... He's... Yeah, he's veeery busy.
Target
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Evil | Lies | Moms | Posted 2007-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See, This Is Why I Went into Teaching
Witty history teacher: So, kids, not only does the money look minty and refreshing, it tastes good, too!
Teen girl: Oh my god, really?!
US Mint
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bimbettes | Lies | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Posted 2007-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Have You Been Doing?
20-something: Alright! Smells like booze on the plane.
Overprotective mom: No, that's just my hand sanitizer.
Flight to Buffalo, New York
Categories: Airports & flights | Kids | Lies | Moms | New York | Posted 2007-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gonna Cost Us to Get Out of It Alive
Angry kid: Mom! I don't want to go shopping!
Mom: We are not shopping -- we are on an adventure!
Oshkosh, Wisconsin
Overheard by: I love adventures
So My Little League Coach Is a Llama?
Blond boy: Mommy, what do llamas eat?
Mother: Little blond boys.
Blond boy, knowingly: Ohhh...
Waterloo Park
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Kelsey
Ah, the Little-Known "Elbows Off the Table" Amendment
Little boy: I don't like your rules, Mommy!
Mom: They aren't my rules, honey, they're America's rules.
Austin, Texas
We'll Get Ours When We Turn on Bill O'Reilly
Father to squirmy two-year-old looking out bus window: No, honey, that's a church. We can't go there -- they'll give you a lobotomy.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Rebekah
Categories: Dads | Lies | San Francisco | Posted 2007-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which One Would You Want to Be True?
Hobo: Look, the pope!
Man: Like I'm going to fall for that!
Hobo, minutes later: Look, Batman! [Man turns and looks.]
Week the pope is in town
São Paulo
Brazil
Categories: Brazil | Hobos | Lies | Pop culture | Posted 2007-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Wondered How It's Possible to Have Fun in Tennessee?
Midwestern tourist: Excuse me, are there any malls around here?
Local teen, in exaggerated accent: We don't have malls in these here parts. Malls tempt the young ones to siiin. [Tourist leaves, scared. Teen then grumbles without accent] Fucking tourist.
Broadway and 4th Avenue
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: pedestrian
Either That or a Hysterical Woman Tied to the Train Tracks
Old nag, as train breaks down: Why'd we stop? What's wrong?
Fellow commuter: We hit a buffalo.
Old nag: Really?!
Fellow commuter: Yes.
Worcester/Framingham Line to Boston, Massachusetts
Where Being Straight with the IRS Gets You
Hobo to suits who ignore his panhandling: Yeah?! Well, at least I never lied on my income taxes!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Hobos | Lies | Posted 2007-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Nature of the Therapeutic Relationship
Woman: Well, yes, of course I'm making it all up. But you know it's true.
Friend: Oh, yes!
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Ross
Categories: Ladies who lunch | Lies | New Zealand | Posted 2007-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Really -- Your Hair Looks Like Shit
Fashionista: Why are you so late?
Queer in hat: I ran out of money and had to give the cabbie a blowjob to pay the fare.
Fashionista: Oh my god! Really?!
Queer in hat: No. I had a hair emergency... But wasn't that a much better answer?
Ellus fashion show line
São Paulo
Brazil
Oh, Fuck -- Go Ahead and Hit Me
Girl: Hey, quit staring at my breasts!
Guy #1: Yeah, why are you staring at my girlfriend's breasts?
Guy #2: Well, man, see... It's like this -- she's like my sister.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: lissa
Categories: Guys | Lies | Overheard at Western | Rack | Posted 2007-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone There Has Given Up on Life Anyway
Father: Honey, you can't cry on the train. The conductor will kick us off.
Young daughter, crying: Can I cry on the bus?
Father, after thoughtful pause: Sure, you can cry on the bus.
MBTA Green Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Joe
Categories: Dads | Lies | Massachusetts | Parenting | Train | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then How about a Few Bucks So I Can Buy It a Shoe?
Panhandler: Do you have any change? I need money. My old lady kicked me out. I need money for a penis... reduction... It's too big, and she kicked me out. She said not to come back until--
Man: --No.
Shout-out: weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com
Categories: Homeless | Lies | Penis | Weirdos of Winnipeg | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Call Me Back When Your Aneurism Subsides
Girl on phone: Mommy, my nose is pierced, I'm marrying a girl, I'm in love with a gay boy, and I'm pregnant. One of these is false. Goodbye.
Shout-out: www.overheardinathens.com
Categories: Lies | On the phone | Overheard in Athens | Posted 2007-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now, Here Are the Answers for Tomorrow's Ethics Test
Person #1: But isn't that lying?
Person #2: Don't worry about it, it's only for your security clearance.
Shout-out: www.overheardquote.com
Categories: Coworkers | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Overheard Quote | Posted 2007-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's See What the Old E-meter Has to Say
Girlfriend: I swear I told you.
Boyfriend: No, you didn't.
Girlfriend, exasperated: Look, if I was lying then my hands would fall off. See? They're still on, so I'm not lying.
Boyfriend: I don't think that's a valid argument.
UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Suzie
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Liars | Lies | Posted 2007-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Father! How Nice to See You Again
Guy on phone at leather bar: Yeah, I'm at a church social... doing the Lord's work. I'll be on my knees later.
San Francisco, California
Shout-out: overheardinsanfrancisco.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Kiko
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Liars | Lies | On the phone | Overheard in San Francisco | San Francisco | Posted 2007-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
