Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

Now I'm Terrified a Cat in a Hat Will Come Mess Up My House

Professor: I thought this was made up, but then I read it in a book, which of course means it?s true.

East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In Case You're Curious...

Little boy: Dad, what's a "brer" rabbit?
Father: A rabbit with a lot of brer in it.

Magic Kingdom
Disney World, Florida

Overheard by: Natalie

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

One of the Perks of Dating Helen Keller

Smug TA: While I was with her I was doing crack. She had no idea.

Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Wait-- What Exactly Are You Using As a Volleyball?

Mom to three-year-old son under the table: Whatcha' doin' under there, buddy?
Three-year-old son: Playing volleyball.
Dad: Volleyball? Smells like you're pooping your pants.
Three-year-old son, giggling: I am.
Three-year-old son's sister to friend: See, I told you it wasn't the food.

Los Tres Amigos Mexican Restaurant
Michigan

Overheard by: Scott

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And You Stole Me from a Playground!

Little boy, standing next to a car: Daddy, this isn't our car! Daddy, what are you doing? This isn't our car!
Man: Look, buddy, you've got to stop saying that when we're in parking lots. [to a couple walking by] I just got a new car.
Little boy: No you didn't!

AMC Theatres
Owings Mills, Maryland

Overheard by: they steal cars, dont they?

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Knowing What That Is Is Like a Rorshach for Nerdity

Student: Somebody drew a triforce in the bathroom.
Teacher: There's a penis in the hall and now a triforce in the bathroom?

English Class
Arcadia, California

Overheard by: Sam

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Which They Got Fucking a Liar

Drunk girl, loudly: Anyone who says they've never had an itchy asshole is just fucking lying.

Cock O the Walk Bar
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Beer Bitch

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But We're Totally in the Clear with Wikipedia, Right?

Dude: You know, less than half of Snapple facts are true.
Chick: Really? Because I totally cited those in research papers.

College Park, Maryland

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But Smokers and Belchers Rise Straight to the Top

Grandpa to grandson: ... And no one but nobody can be a young leader if they crack their knuckles!

Washington, DC

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

She Only Meant You'll Spread Your Legs for Every Cock That Comes Your Way

Girl on phone: No, I'm sure she didn't mean that... No, really, you must have taken it wrong... No! Trust me, I'm sure when she called you a whore she didn't mean it that way!

Grand Valley State University
Allendale, Michigan

Overheard by: breakin-laker

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But You Students Are Unwilling to Spread the Word around Campus?

Professor: Even my own mother tells people I'm a drug dealer.

Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'll Do the Gentlemanly Thing and Be a Dick to Her 'til She Gets the Hint

Guy #1: So, she said she didn't want to be just another girl I sleep with.
Guy #2: But that's what you want.
Guy #1: Well, yeah, but I can't say that.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by:

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

... After I Broke in and Changed All Your Answers to "Masturbation"?

Student: Yeah, she said 'good luck' to me. [Friend rolls eyes and shakes head.] I know. It's the University of Toronto -- she doesn't mean 'good luck.' What she really means is 'I hope you choke on a toothpick and die so I can get your spot in the program.'
Friend, sighing: It really is a shame this school has to be so competitive... How'd you do on that last test?

University of Toronto
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: A+

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Am So Sick of Blowing Middle-Aged Poindexters

Sorority girl, crying: I've been working so hard, and I don't feel like I'm being rewarded for it.
Professor: What? What do you mean?
Sorority girl, still crying: I mean, if I work so hard, I'll just die if I don't get an A.
Professor, irritated: Well, it's only four weeks into the semester. Why are you worried about your grade now? I don't guarantee any grades! [Professor leaves.]
Sorority girl, to friend: Damn. I should have saved the tears until at least midterm. Now I'll actually have to do the work. Damn.

University of Nevada, Las Vegas
Nevada

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

My Standards Are Low, but I Adhere to Them

Female customer: I would never do anything with someone other than my boyfriend.
Male customer: You cheated on your husband!
Female customer: I wasn't in love with my husband.

Visible Voice Books
Cleveland, Ohio

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Frankly, I Feel the Ethics Committee Should Show Him No Mercy

Professor: I found the same paper that you turned in as your term paper on the Internet, word for word. That's plagiarizing!
Student: All right, I'll tell you the truth -- I didn't have time to write the term paper, so I paid somebody else to do it for me. But honest, I didn't know he'd plagiarize it!

College
New York

Overheard by: DizzyLizzy

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But You've Also Said That about Mailmen, the FBI, Shepherds, and Priests

Woman to crying toddler: Now, stop it, or that policeman over there will come and take you away!
Man: That's right.
Woman: That's what policemen do. They take little boys away.
Man: That's right.

Outside the John Hancock Center
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: passerby-ing

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Her Hit Record is Called "I'm a Mink Carcass-Schlepping Slave 4 U"

Crazy lady wearing only a bra: Well, my daddy says we should take my show on the road. I'm a singer, you know. I'm famous in Eastern Europe.
Dumbfounded drunk girls: Uh-huh... Totally.

Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Kari Nott

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Nor Breed Outside of Our Immediate Gene Pools

Cheerful guard examining passport photo: What, no smile?
Dour Canadian: No. In Canada we do not have to smile.

O'Hare International Airport
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Kid Used to Invent Statistics for the Bush Administration

Teacher: You will build a car from a mouse trap.
Student #1: Those things are dangerous!
Teacher: What?
Student #1: People have died from them!
Student #2: Who's died from a mousetrap?
Student #1: Over 16 babies have been killed by mousetraps.
Teacher, after pause: People, keep your babies away from it.

Shout-out: overheardinhighschool.blogspot.com

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

With As Few Lasting Emotional Scars As Possible

Three-year-old in stroller: I want to get out.
Mother: No. [Child starts crying.] You can't get out. Mickey Mouse will eat you.
Cashier: Um, have a magical day.

Disney World
Florida

Overheard by: Sarah

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Put Some Underpants on, Wouldya?

Santa: Remember, you have to be very good so I can bring you lots of presents.
Little girl: I have been! I have been!
Santa: I came by your house the other day. Did you know that?
Little girl: Really?! Wow!
Santa: I looked in your window, and I saw lots of messy toys on your floor. And clothes.
Little girl, crying: I was just going to get a glass of water and then go back to clean them up, I promise!
Santa: Whatever.

Park Plaza Mall
Little Rock, Arkansas

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You'll Love the Electric Highchair, Buddy

Happy dad to little kid: Capital punishment is fun!

Morgantown, West Virginia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Or We'll Be Late for Our Scientology Meeting.

Child, about diorama: Mommy, is that real?
Mother: No, it's all lies. Let's go.

Museum
Washington, DC

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Republican National Convention Is This Month

Woman to small child: Oh, yes, Satan is very busy. He's, uh... He's... Yeah, he's veeery busy.

Target
New Haven, Connecticut

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

See, This Is Why I Went into Teaching

Witty history teacher: So, kids, not only does the money look minty and refreshing, it tastes good, too!
Teen girl: Oh my god, really?!

US Mint
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

What Have You Been Doing?

20-something: Alright! Smells like booze on the plane.
Overprotective mom: No, that's just my hand sanitizer.

Flight to Buffalo, New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Gonna Cost Us to Get Out of It Alive

Angry kid: Mom! I don't want to go shopping!
Mom: We are not shopping -- we are on an adventure!

Oshkosh, Wisconsin

Overheard by: I love adventures

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So My Little League Coach Is a Llama?

Blond boy: Mommy, what do llamas eat?
Mother: Little blond boys.
Blond boy, knowingly: Ohhh...

Waterloo Park
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Kelsey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Ah, the Little-Known "Elbows Off the Table" Amendment

Little boy: I don't like your rules, Mommy!
Mom: They aren't my rules, honey, they're America's rules.

Austin, Texas

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We'll Get Ours When We Turn on Bill O'Reilly

Father to squirmy two-year-old looking out bus window: No, honey, that's a church. We can't go there -- they'll give you a lobotomy.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Rebekah

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Which One Would You Want to Be True?

Hobo: Look, the pope!
Man: Like I'm going to fall for that!
Hobo, minutes later: Look, Batman! [Man turns and looks.]

Week the pope is in town
São Paulo
Brazil

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Ever Wondered How It's Possible to Have Fun in Tennessee?

Midwestern tourist: Excuse me, are there any malls around here?
Local teen, in exaggerated accent: We don't have malls in these here parts. Malls tempt the young ones to siiin. [Tourist leaves, scared. Teen then grumbles without accent] Fucking tourist.

Broadway and 4th Avenue
Nashville, Tennessee

Overheard by: pedestrian

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Either That or a Hysterical Woman Tied to the Train Tracks

Old nag, as train breaks down: Why'd we stop? What's wrong?
Fellow commuter: We hit a buffalo.
Old nag: Really?!
Fellow commuter: Yes.

Worcester/Framingham Line to Boston, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Where Being Straight with the IRS Gets You

Hobo to suits who ignore his panhandling: Yeah?! Well, at least I never lied on my income taxes!

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That's the Nature of the Therapeutic Relationship

Woman: Well, yes, of course I'm making it all up. But you know it's true.
Friend: Oh, yes!

Auckland
New Zealand

Overheard by: Ross

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Not Really -- Your Hair Looks Like Shit

Fashionista: Why are you so late?
Queer in hat: I ran out of money and had to give the cabbie a blowjob to pay the fare.
Fashionista: Oh my god! Really?!
Queer in hat: No. I had a hair emergency... But wasn't that a much better answer?

Ellus fashion show line
São Paulo
Brazil

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Oh, Fuck -- Go Ahead and Hit Me

Girl: Hey, quit staring at my breasts!
Guy #1: Yeah, why are you staring at my girlfriend's breasts?
Guy #2: Well, man, see... It's like this -- she's like my sister.

Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com

Overheard by: lissa

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Everyone There Has Given Up on Life Anyway

Father: Honey, you can't cry on the train. The conductor will kick us off.
Young daughter, crying: Can I cry on the bus?
Father, after thoughtful pause: Sure, you can cry on the bus.

MBTA Green Line
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Joe

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Then How about a Few Bucks So I Can Buy It a Shoe?

Panhandler: Do you have any change? I need money. My old lady kicked me out. I need money for a penis... reduction... It's too big, and she kicked me out. She said not to come back until--
Man: --No.

Shout-out: weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Call Me Back When Your Aneurism Subsides

Girl on phone: Mommy, my nose is pierced, I'm marrying a girl, I'm in love with a gay boy, and I'm pregnant. One of these is false. Goodbye.

Shout-out: www.overheardin