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Happens After Every NAMBLA Convention
Mom to eight-year-old son: Do you want pizza tonight?
Son: No! I can't eat that, I just got pregnant!
Naperville, Illinois
Tonight on The Real Single Moms Of New Jersey
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: C'mon, honey, you'll like it!
Tearful four-year-old boy: I don't wanna!
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: Everyone loves the beer store! (pulls boy into beer kiosk)
Collingswood Auction
Farmingdale, New Jersey
Overheard by: not EVERYONE
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like "Always Have a Cigarette After Cocktails"
Woman to screaming toddler in her arms: I'm not going to let you down unless you hold my hand. Are you going to hold my hand?
(toddler screams something unintelligible)
Woman: I'm sorry, I don't make the rules. They're the rules of the President of the United States of America.
Outlet Mall
Leesburg, Virginia
He Keeps Muttering About My Becoming Self-Supporting
Teen girl: My dad bought me an iPhone but he took it away when he found my pot. I'm so pissed.
Emo teen: You live in Portland. Either you're gay, you enjoy molesting children, or you do every drug available for free. Or all of the above. What the hell does he expect of you?
Portland, Oregon
Categories: Cell phones | Drugs | Family ties | Kids | Oregon | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2010-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Little Kids These Days Are Snottier Than Ever
Man to two-year-old daughter: I drew a face with eyes, nose and mouth. Can you tell me what's missing?
Two-year-old daughter: The boogers in the nose!
Faulconbridge
Australia
I Still Can't Eat Shirred Eggs
Grungy young man, after loudly prattling on about drinking 12 Smirnoffs a day, weed, and massage therapy: I didn't believe in the inner-spiritual plane until I saw my unborn child's soul whisked away.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Anon Y. Mouse
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Druggies | Drugs | Drunks | Kids | Parenting | Words | Posted 2010-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, That's Just Beer, Sweetie.
Boy, screaming into pregnant mother's belly: We're going to give you up for adoption!
Tanger Outlet
Riverhead, New York
Overheard by: bemused
Now Stop Complaining and Start Handing Out Apples
Target employee to another: The way the store is set up is to make the child misbehave and be tempted.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: hilary!
Categories: Employees | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Shopping | Posted 2010-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the High Notes That Hurt Your Ears
Overweight middle-aged woman, about infant crying non-stop: Oh my god, seriously, somebody just kill it.
Target
Norman, Oklahoma
...Isn't This Fun?
Little girl, excitedly building snowman: Mommy, look, look! This could be his hat!
Mother: No, Shelly.
Little girl, dejectedly: But mommy...
Mother, exasperated: No! It's not even proportionate to the snowman!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Only in Boston...
Or All the Dogs You've Ever Owned
Girl #1: So my two-year-old cousin... You know, the one who laughs at me, and threw his bottle and his book at me?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Well, this one time he like pushed me down on the floor, and like... licked my face.
Girl #2: Wow! Your two-year-old cousin is like a combination of all the boys you've met here.
London
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Kids | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Hippie Child Lives in Oregon. Film at 11.
Preschool teacher, helping girl go pee: Did you forget your underwear this morning?
Preschool girl: No, I go commando all the time!
Preschool in Oregon
Overheard by: Non-c
No, Sweetie, That's "I Can't Believe It's Not David!"
Four-year-old girl, pointing to reproduction of David statue: Is that statue made out of butter?
Small Town
Pennsylvania
Categories: Food | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2010-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Back Up-- What Does "She Gave Me Her Brush" Mean?
Six-year-old boy: I French-kissed my girlfriend today!
17-year-old girl: What? French kissed? You're six!
Six-year-old boy: I still did it. She gave me her brush!
17-year-old girl: You're six! You shouldn't know what French kissing is!
Six-year-old boy: I watch Family Guy.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Mia
Categories: Girls | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | TV shows | Posted 2010-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Also Happens to Be My Husband.
Teen mum #1 with baby in pushchair: Ah! Lovely baby boy! Who's the father?
Teen mum #2 with baby in pushchair: That scumbag from the pub a few months back.
Clothes Store
Dartford
England
At Least Dogs Have the Decency to Die at Fifteen
30-something at table with friends: I'm telling you! Children are like one of those STDs that you have to live with for the rest of your life. They're like herpes or HIV. They will never, ever, ever go away. They will ruin your life.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: So fucking teue
Here, You Drive.
Seven-year-old boy to playmate: Oh, well, I can't. I've had five beers already.
Dallas, Texas
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Texas | Posted 2010-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The School Needs All Its Federal Funding
Student teacher: All right, guys, let's try that again. But this time with 30 to 40% less child death.
Clarksville, Maryland
Categories: Death & dying | Kids | Maryland | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Now You Pay Attention?
Teacher holding VCR remote control: I keep hitting play, this stupid thing won't work. Must need new batteries.
(changes batteries)
Teacher: Damn thing still won't work, you'd think they would buy machines that work, how are you supposed to learn with such crappy materials?
Student in front row: Ummm... Is that the tape on top of the VCR?
Teacher: Goddamn it!
Manchester, New Hampshire
Categories: Education | Gripes | Grumpies | Insults | Kids | New Hampshire | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2010-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wouldn't Going Potty First Be Most Important?
Mother in bathroom stall to small child: We can go soon, but first mommy has to go potty, then put her pants back on. Put her pants back on... That's the most important thing.
Puyallup, Washington
Overheard by: in the next stall...
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pee | Undies | Washington | Posted 2010-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hazelnut Columbian Slave Children Are the Best
Flippy haired kid: Dude, how can you drink coffee? You might as well be like, drinking the tears of Colombian slave children!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Food | Kids | Kids | Posted 2010-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Welcome to the Twilight Zone
30-something guy to seven-year-old kid: So even when you get older you will be spending a lot of time in stores waiting for women to shop... It's boring for us, but looking around and not buying anything is somehow fun for them.
Seven-year-old kid: Oh. You aren't American. Where you from?
30-something guy: I'm from Ireland.
Seven-year-old kid: Ireland? What do they speak there?
30-something guy: English.
Seven-year-old kid: You speak English?
30-something guy: Well, we're speaking English now.
Seven-year-old kid, incredulously: We are?
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Jack
Categories: Foreigners | Gender issues | Kids | Kids | New York | Questions | Shopping | Posted 2010-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Drunkventures in Babysitting
Young mother on phone: Well, tell him if he's going to stay home and get drunk by himself then he can babysit for me.
Wisconsin
Overheard by: smirkburglar
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | On the phone | Parenting | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It'll Go Great with Your Whine
Mother to toddler son, looking at cheese display: Look, charlie, Gruyere! Can you say "Gruyere"?
Whole Foods
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: GruyereLover
It's Easy to Predict Which Kids Will Suffer Most in School
Four-year-old girl on push scooter, to mum: The steering is counter-intuitive!
Oxfordshire
England
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | England | Kids | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Might As Well Face It, You're Addicted to Lumps
Very pregnant woman surrounded by misbehaving children: Pregnancy is just such a gift. I mean, I feel so blessed. Like, this is what my body was made for, you know? I just feel so much more complete when I'm pregnant. Knowing that I'm growing this life...
Young woman behind her in line, interrupting: Madam? You are a walking advertisement for mandatory birth control.
Starbucks
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: The guy applauding her
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Happiness | Kids | Preggers | Pregnancy | Pride | Washington | Posted 2010-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Does Martin Short Have to Do with Anything?
Five-year-old boys, in unison, about female lion strutting around: The mamacita is awake! The mamacita is awake!
Harried mother: I said let's not say that word... Let's say "elfman" is awake!"
San Diego Zoo
California
Categories: Animals | California | Kids | Kids | Language barrier | Moms | Parenting | Words | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Before I Start to Spoil
16-year-old girl #1: I wanna wait to have kids, you know? But I don't wanna be old or anything. I think like 19 or somethin.
16-year-old girl #2: Yeah. Oscar wants to knock me up and I'm like "no bitch, I don't even have a license yet." We're thinking after I turn 18.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Insults | Kids | Pregnancy | Relationships | Sex | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Haven't I?
Guy at door: Have you seen a line of marching band kids?
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: james
Why the Fairy Always Dies When His Mom Reads Him Peter Pan
Ten-year-old boy: Dad, why are people clapping?
Father: Because the conductor entered the stage. It's respectful.
Ten-year-old boy: I personally don't believe in clapping for someone unless they've done something.
Tanglewood Music Center
Lenox, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Bystander girl
Do You Want Me to Divorce You, Too?
Very well-behaved boy: Mom, I have been so good lately, can I please get a toy?
Very patient mom: Do you have any money?
Very well-behaved boy: Um... no, but you do. I looked in your wallet this morning.
Very patient mom: That's snooping!
Very well-behaved boy: Well, daddy does it all the time!
Salem, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Jenna
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Moms | Money | New Hampshire | Parenting | Questions | Shopping | Should have used a condom | Toys | Posted 2010-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because He Asked Too Many Questions, Sweetie.
Little boy witnessing a shiatsu massage: Mommy, why are they killing that man?
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
We're Hoping for a Muppet Baby
Middle aged female client: You aren't going to find out the sex? How are you going to know what color to paint the nursery or what kind of baby clothes to get?
Pregnant 30-something hair stylist: Oh, please, like it matters what colors I choose. People aren't going to be wondering if it's a girl or a boy, anyway; they're going to wonder if it's an animal or a baby.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: jenc17
We Were Only Growing You for the Organs, Anyway
Dad: Buddy, you have to breathe. You can't hold your breath forever.
Son: No! I'm never going to breathe again. I hate it!
Dad: Sounds good.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: kaybay
Categories: Dads | Family | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, and I Finally Finished That Jigsaw Puzzle!
Woman on cell: Did I tell you the baby died? No?! When did we last talk?
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Wil
Categories: Death & dying | Kids | On the phone | Questions | San Francisco | Women | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No One Expects Me to Understand Technology
Old Midwestern lady #1: All these kids bringing their videos games everywhere!
Old Midwestern lady #2: It's depressing! My son-in-law brings his laptop everywhere. Always on the internet.
Old Midwestern lady #1: Is he using one of those blueberries? Or blackpods?
Old Midwestern lady #2: I don't know, I'm just glad I'm old.
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: thankfully on a different flight
Categories: Age and ageing | Family ties | Gadgets | Games | Gripes | Internet | Kids | Laptops | New Jersey | Old folks | Women | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gin?
Middle-aged father to waitress, about loud toddler daughter: It's an emergency. We need some happy juice.
Restaurant
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: silver
Categories: Baristas | Colorado | Dads | Food | Kids | Offers and requests | Parenting | Restaurants | Should have used a condom | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Minneapolis Does Its Public Service Announcements a Bit Differently
Guy on bike to random guy: Hey, do you know where Saint pedophilia is?
Random guy: Where?
Guy on bike: Saint pedophilia. It's a Catholic church by Saint Thomas where the priests molest little boys and turn them into homosexuals. (bikes away)
Random guy, stunned: What the fuck was that?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: well, that was odd
Categories: Christianity | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Sexuality | Strangers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh Honey, We Feel You.
Little boy, desperately: I need to get out of here!
Kohl's Fitting Rooms
Georgia
Overheard by: Iris
Guess It's Montessori School for You Then
Dad, changing son's diaper: Why don't you want to wear a diaper? You want to run around naked and piss and poop all over the floor?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: What are you, an anarchist?
New Jersey
Mom Still Reminisces Fondly About the First Visit from the Police
Girl: When I see small children, I feel like I owe my mother an apology.
Baltimore, MD
Overheard by: Ren
Just Really Effeminate Little Boys with Long, Flowing Hair
Mother, queuing at nativity play: Well, of course, she was disappointed to be a shepherd. I mean, children are smart these days. She knows full well there weren't any female shepherds back then.
Milton Keynes
England
Categories: England | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Moms | Posted 2009-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And They Look Suspiciously Like My Uncles
Five-year-old boy: There are moles in my bed that are all named Leroy. They keep me warm.
Eltham
Australia
Overheard by: martinasnape
...And Pour Some More Bailey's Into My Mug.
Store employee: Would you like to try a free sample of hot cocoa?
Nine-year-old daughter, impatient: Come on, mom! We need to get to your appointment!
Mom: Shut up! There's always time for free cocoa. Here!
Nine-year-old daughter: I don't want any.
Mom: Then just shut up.
Minnetonka, Minnesota
You Are Now Qualified to Work at McDonald's
Five-year-old daughter: Daddy, ask me some math questions.
Father: Okay, what is 4 x 4?
Five-year-old daughter: It's not 9!
Father: That's correct.
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Michael Moore
Kids Start Disappointing You As Soon As They Possibly Can
Little girl: Mom, can I buy that doll house?
Mom: No, you don't have enough money.
Daughter: Can't I just use my college money?
Mom: No.
Daughter: But I don't want to go to college, I want the doll house! I don't want to go to college!
Toy Store
Canadia
What If You're Pregnant with a Large Tumor That Has Teeth and Hair?
Boy #1: So, I never got what the difference was between liberals and conservatives.
Boy #2: Well, conservatives like big business, and liberals like communism.
Boy #1: Oh. What if I want to be both?
Boy #2: You can't be both. It's an on/off thing. Like, you're either pregnant or you're not. Or like you're Christian or you're Islam.
High School
Minnesota
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Minnesota | Politics | Pregnancy | Questions | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In a Non-Sexual Way?
Behavioral therapist, in very serious voice, to child with autism about animal crackers: Jason, put the elephant in your mouth!
Child's mother, laughing: How often do you honestly get to say that?
St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: aba therapist
Categories: Animals | Canadia | Disabled | Food | Kids | Kids | Medical personnel | Mental illnesses | Moms | Questions | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on Graze Anatomy
Little boy to grandmother: My mommy's held a cow brain.
Borders Bookstore
Alameda, California
Overheard by: Lith
Categories: Animals | Body parts | California | Family | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With a Real Girl.
Six-year-old boy, firmly groping mannequin's backside: I'm popular! I'm popular! Look, mommy!
Flustered mom: Go be popular over there!
Morganton, North Carolina
Overheard by: Carla
Categories: Kids | Moms | North Carolina | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Slippery Slope
Concerned father, giving advice to someone else's kid: I would strongly advise against eating gum found in the bathroom.
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Amanda Postel
Until She Finds My Letter-Bomb
Six-year-old, matter-of-factly when seeing fireworks go off at Magic Kingdom: They blew up Mickey... Now only Minnie is left.
Disneyworld Bus
Orlando, Florida
And by "Celebrating Mass" I Mean Exactly What You Think I Mean
18-year-old guy to friend: If I liked kids, I would be celebrating mass at a Catholic church.
Mexico City
Mexico
Overheard by: Kafnut
Categories: Central America | Christianity | Friends | Kids | Teens | Posted 2009-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...From Your Leash.
Mother, chasing fleeing toddler across library: Stop! Come back! You have separation anxiety!
Christchuch
New Zealand
Overheard by: I suspect it's the other way around...
Everything He Knows About Americans He Learned from Watching Roseanne Reruns
Little boy, pointing to tourist: Mom! I can't get on because the American will eat me!
Philippines
...Before Church.
Middle aged woman with grandchildren, at 11:30 am: I just took the kids out to breakfast and now I need to go home and have me a Jack Daniels.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Les
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Food | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Women | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Where They Speak Guatlish
Older woman: Susie's daughter adopted two little Guatemalites... Guatemalians?
Younger woman: Guatemalans.
Older woman: Yeah, you know, from Guatemalia.
Younger woman: Uhhhh...
Sacramento, California
Categories: California | Family ties | Geography | Kids | Stupidity | Women | Words | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Clustered Around the Mayonnaise and Wonder Bread
Aunt: Jared*, put the toy back. We are going to go over to K-Mart, because they have a better selection.
Four-year-old: I don't want to go to K-Mart, auntie! There's too many white people over there!
Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: His (embarassed) Mother
So We're Giving Him My Anal Fisting Videos and Hoping He Can Extrapolate
Middle-aged man: So the other day my friend asked me to borrow some porn tapes. He said he needed to teach his son about the birds and the bees.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the wirled
Categories: Birds | Education | Guys | Insects | Kids | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Porn | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Say You Use Them As Currency?
Exasperated little boy to mother: No, it's not a version, it's a virgin, with a "g"!
Redlands, California
But This Time You'd Better Not Force Your Brother to Eat It
Eight-year-old boy: Hey dad, can I get deodorant?
Father: Uh, sure.
Eight-year-old boy: Yesssss!
A&P Supermarket
Totowa, New Jersey
Categories: Dads | Happiness | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Times Hard in the Islamic Republic Of North Carolina
Little girl to mother, passing brand new cherry red Porsche Carrera GT convertible: Mama, why is everyone looking at that car?
Mother: Because it's very special.
Little girl: Can I get one?
Mother: Only if you marry well, dear.
Durham, North Carolina
"Don't Jump Off That Building." "Stop Touching That Burner." Nag, Nag, Nag!
Woman to five-year-old daughter in elevator: You're getting off at the wrong floor, sweetie. This is the wrong floor... The wrong floor... The wrong floor! God, do you ever listen to me?
Five-year-old daughter: I'm trying not to.
Mackinac Island, Michigan
Overheard by: laughing
What About Those Three Other Kids?
Six-year-old girl: Are you doing your job?
Lifeguard: Are you drowning?
Six-year-old girl: No.
Lifeguard: Then I'm doing my job.
Kiddie Pool
Great Neck, New York
It's Both My Greatest Joy and My Secret Shame
Babe: Don't look to me to be the voice of reason: I own roller skates!
Newtown
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: smu
Well, As Long As You've Thought This Through.
Woman #1: So you're going to name your son Jesus?
Woman #2: Why not? People name their kids "Messiah," and it means the same damn thing.
Alabama
Overheard by: Matthew Roberts
But I Imagine It's a Lot Like Victory.
Little boy throwing fit: I've never had dessert in my life! I don't even know what it tastes like!
Outside Cookie Store
Kingsport, Tennessee
Only Cheap and Tasty Capitalism, Like Starbucks.
Child of privileged hipster: I'm into capitalism too. Just not, like, evil capitalism.
Oakland, California
Categories: California | Kids | Kids | Politics | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You're the One Who Keeps Calling the Social Worker, Billy.
Mother to screaming child: Look, if it were up to me, you could watch all the porn you want.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
And a That's So Raven Thermos!
Mom to preteen son: If you don't straighten up your act, I'm sending you back to school with all Hannah Montana notebooks!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that'll teach him
Categories: About celebrities | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Threats | Posted 2009-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh Yes, Mummy-- Ever So!
Mom to two little kids sitting directly behind her on the train: Do you feel a little bit better now that you've got slight independence?
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: They were the best behaved children there that day.
...Why Do You Think I'm Gay?
Crying girl: I have always wanted to have kids, you know? Now I can't.
Friend: It's really not that bad.
Crying girl: No, the doctor said I can never get pregnant!
Friend: Look at it this way: you can have tons of sex and never have to worry about it. I think it's a pretty sweet deal!
Random guy: I agree with you, sista.
San Francisco, California
Multiple Origami
Little girl: And then we had orgies.
Mother, very calmly: No honey, we had origami.
Florida
Really More Of an Epcot Activity
Child eating skeleton fruit snacks: Mommy, look! I'm eating a boner!
Disney World
Florida
Portrait Of the Foreign Policy Advisor As a Young Girl
Little girl: Ah, Mexican and Chinese food. Two great European tastes.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Sadly Wayne Brady Would Never Attain His Mother's Dream
White mother to white toddler son: You're going to be black by the time we leave!
Grand Sierra Resort Pool
Reno, Nevada
Which, As We Both Know, Is More Than We Can Say for Dad.
Little girl to mom: But I am getting real good! Yesterday I didn't get any poop on my hand!
Public Restroom
Iceland
At the Hermaphroditic Contortionist Children's Support Group
Five-year-old girl, pointing at store window: Balls!
Young mom: That's right honey, those are balls, but you ate your balls, huh?
Five-year-old girl: I ate my balls!
Buffalo, New York
I Knew This "Ellen" Haircut Was a Mistake
Two-year-old: Mommy!
Tired teen girl: I'm not your mommy.
Two-year-old: Daddy?
Preschool
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2009-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So It's Likely He's Very Drunk.
Little girl: He's drunk, I swear!
Teenage sister: He's not drunk, he's a foreigner.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Language barrier | Siblings | Teens | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Everything Really Is Bigger in Texas
New Yorker, trying to get through a crowd of people blocking aisle: Excuse me. Excuse me! Excuse me!
Confused little boy: I already moved.
New Yorker: Oh, I know you have, dear. I was talking to your fat-ass mother.
Grocery Store
Austin, Texas
Categories: Ass | Assholes | Diet & weight | Family ties | Insults | Kids | Kids | Moms | Stores | Texas | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And She Raised Them As Her Own.
Staff man: Yeah, she was freaking out. But the mouse had some babies before it passed...
Warped Tour
Columbia, Maryland
Tonight, on The Little Girls Next Door...
Little boy walking with two little girls: I think we should all hold hands. I think that I should be in the middle so you can both hold my hand.
Keene, New Hampshire
Categories: Hands | Kids | Kids | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Be Fair, She Says the Same Thing About Their Shower at Home
Five-year-old girl, about fountain in outside eating area: Oh! High drama!
Bellevue, Nebraska
Overheard by: Cortny
Who Is He to Say I Can't Be a Lesbian?
Three-year-old to parents: Jesus is mean.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Your Friends Say It All the Time.
Little girl, singing: You got a fat butt, you got a fat butt!
Mother: Now sweetie, that's not nice to say about mommy.
Little boy: But its true!
Dressing Room
Union, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Ass | Assholes | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Were Conceived Right Here in Aisle Four
Father to three-year-old daughter, after she took her shirt off: Just like your mother.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: is that how you met her?
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Dads | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Making Your Eyes Glow This Minute, Missy!
Three-year-old daughter, passing Catholic church: Dead people live there.
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Joe Oxford
Categories: Arizona | Death & dying | Kids | Kids | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did He Ever Think That Some Of Us Wanted to Be Left Behind?
Five-year-old little boy to grandmother: If I ever meet George Bush, I'm going to kick him in the balls.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: trying not to laugh parent
Categories: Balls | Family | Glad the condom broke | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Politics | Threats | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Kardashian Is Which? Show Your Work.
Girl #1: Oh my god! Look at the little toddler snowsuits!
Girl #2: Will one of you please get knocked up?
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Girls | Kids | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Pregnancy | Posted 2009-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Never Underestimate Their Surgical Dexterity
Pilot #1: He flew to Myrtle Beach to meet some girl he met online. We were expecting to find him naked in a bathtub full of ice missing a kidney.
Flight attendant: Who would want his kidney? He's so short!
Pilot #2: Hey, kids need kidneys too! Little kids!
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Flight attendants | Georgia | Health & Hygiene | Internet | Kids | Pilots | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Soon You'll Be Hitting the Drag Clubs With Daddy
Little boy, wearing high heels: I'm bigger! I'm bigger!
Southern California
Categories: California | Kids | Kids | Shoes | Posted 2009-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Get Homesick
Emphatic girl: Babies can't watch porn!
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: TARDIS Dyke
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Kids | Massachusetts | Porn | Posted 2009-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doesn't Look Good
Young dude in car to children getting off school bus: You are the future!
Westport, Connecticut
Overheard by: Elisabeth
Don't Worry - I Left My Pocket Knife at Home.
Three-year-old boy to mom, noticing police officers nearby: Don't do anything bad while you're here. Okay, mom?
Mom: Okay.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: an amused barista.
Categories: Crimes | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Semesters and Trimesters Conflict
Bleached blonde sorority chick: If she doesn't abort it, we're totally throwing her a baby shower!
University
Midwest
Overheard by: GDI
Categories: Abortion | Colleges & Universities | Kids | Sorority types | USA | Posted 2009-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good to See a Family Do Things Together
Little boy to younger brother: I'm 'bout to choke you!
Mother, to all children: I'm 'bout to choke all y'all!
Little boy: Together, mama?
Mother: Together.
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Jessica
According to Mom's New Boyfriend
Six-year-old girl at the zoo: (drops French fries one by one)
Dad: Why are you dropping French fries?
Six-year-old girl: To feed them!
Dad: No one wants your old French fries.
Six-year-old girl: You're an old French fry!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Dave
When Momma Grows Red Fur, Then We'll Talk.
Dad: Does Gracie love momma?
Toddler: Pshnoooooo.
Dad: Does Gracie love Elmo?
Toddler: Yeah!
Target
Nashville, Tennessee
You're a Burkoff, Dad
Little Girl: Look Dad, a buhraff.
Dad: That's "giraffe"--juh, juh, juh.
Little Girl, looking confused: Buhraff! Juh, juh, juh.
Zoo
St. Louis, Missouri
So You and the Doctors Keep Saying...
Small child entering restroom: Mom, why can't we go to the boys' room? Because I've got a girl with me?
Mom: You are a girl!
Sushi Restaurant
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: zombie z
Categories: Gender issues | Kansas | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Restaurants | Restroom | Sexuality | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Limbo Is Not a Man's Game, Son.
Mother to little boy: Stop that! You're gonna hurt your scrotum!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No! Haven't You Been Listening?
Lady 1: So they're getting married now.
Lady 2: But I thought she had a baby.
Lady 1: Yes, but it's his brother's. See, her sister wanted to be with him so she told him her sister couldn't have normal children. It turns out she's the one who can't have children.
Lady 2: Oh... so they're getting married?
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Confused listener
Categories: Birthing | Family ties | Kids | Questions | Relationships | Stupidity | Utah | Women | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thank God Babies Come Housebroken.
20-something pregnant girl to baby daddy: I don't think we can handle a pet.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: babies are way easier.
...For Not Driving a Hybrid.
Four-year-old girl being dragged away by mother: I'll kill you! I'll kill you!
West Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Juanito
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Murder | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2009-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Why We Should Buy You Gelato?
Five-year-old boy: I'm a sensitive soul!
Little Italy
Toronto
Canadia
You've Got a Name Tag Pinned to Your Sweater
Aunt Sherry: You have to hold my hand or else I might get lost. Then, what will happen?
Sassy preschooler: You'll be alright, aunt Sherry.
Northville, Michigan
Overheard by: older sassy girl
Jenna Jameson Was a Tough Kid to Raise
Little girl: Tea... cock! (pause) Tea... cock! Cock! Teaaaaaaaa...
Distracted mother: Honey, "peacock" is all one word.
Little girl: Cock!
Leesburg, Virginia
That's Why Her Name Is Bjorrjammijjinanan
Shorter kid playing basketball to taller kid: Your dad bought your mom at Ikea!
Watertown, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Ariel
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Parenting | Relationships | Shopping | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did I Stutter?
Six-year-old boy: Hey, look at this piece of bamboo!
Eight-year-old brother, taking bamboo, hiding it behind his back and then brandishing it like a staff: And now, with my mermaid magic, I pronounce you Sir Giraffetail! Ahoy!
Six-year-old boy: What?
Indianapolis Zoo
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Emily and Aaron
For the Last Time, You're Not Getting My American Express Card
Five-year-old boy, calling to mother in bathroom stall: Mom, we need to talk about something.
Mom: Can it wait?
Five-year-old boy: No.
Mom: What is it?
Five-year-old boy: I need more credit. You don't give me enough credit for the things I do, and my feathers are simply getting ruffled by this.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Laughing
...Mister "I Cut Myself with Safety Scissors"
Son to father, exiting hospital: Dad, what's a disability?
Father: It's like when someone loses their finger in an accident, (pause) which will probably happen to you.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Dads | Eavesdrop DC | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, But That's What We Thought About Sweden and Meatballs
10-year-old boy to another, watching air show performers from Canadia: Come on, any country that has its own bacon must be good.
Janesville, Wisconsin
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Kids | Kids | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is What Fun Is, Son.
Little boy: Ewww... what's that smell?
Slightly tipsy dad: Prolly barf.
Little boy: Yuck! You're gross!
Slightly tipsy dad: What? It's a twins game. People come to get drunk, then they barf, and you smell it. That's how it goes.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that's not why I go to twins games.
Categories: Dads | Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Preparing Me for the Cattiness Of Academia
Statistics teacher: There is a correlation between cats and happiness. Cats make people happy. But not all cats. I still have nightmares about some cats. When I was a little girl, there was this cat, Greta, who lived outdoors. I wanted to pet her, but she scratched up my whole arm and got her claws into my protoplasm!
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Georgia | Happiness | Kids | Memory lane | Teachers | Violence | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Adam Sandler's Comedy Hasn't Evolved Much
Lady talking to friend: My little boy just loves balls. All I hear is balls,balls, balls...
Wal-Mart
Anniston, Alabama
Overheard by: Tyler
Having a TV on Every Seat Is Pretty Damn Great
Six-year-old girl: Mum, remember when we went on that airplane?
Distracted mum: Mm-hmm?
Six-year-old girl: Was that paradise?
Train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Wishing I could go holiday there
They Grow Up So Fast
3-year-old in parking lot: Mommy, I want MONEY!
Mother: Yes, honey. Me too.
Gilroy, California
Overheard by: just a cart pusher
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Money | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on John and Kate Plus 9MM
Chemistry lab professor: Families work well only if they are close-knit. Unlike those people who went and had eight kids. Who cares about them? I wish someone would just go shoot them.
Edison State College
Fort Myers, Florida
Overheard by: Chikara
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Florida | Kids | Murder | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Undocumented Immigrant Surrogates Exist
Sloppily-dressed teen girl to another: Do you know how many new outfits I would have to buy to carry a baby around for nine months?
Sam Houston State University
Huntsville, Texas
Or an Etch-a-Sketch Masterpiece.
Guy: So how's it going with Tom?
Girl: Good. He's stuck with me.
Guy: You're like a virus.
Girl: No, I'm more like something good you can't shake. Like a baby.
Derby, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Girls | Guys | Kids | Maladies | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Giant Cock.
Little girl: I'm in love with a boy at my preschool.
Mom: Yeah? What's he like?
Little girl, shrugging: Blue eyes, blond hair, good skin.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: amy
In Our Family, We Get Our Pornography from the Internet
Boy, holding bodice-ripper romance novel: Dad, is this a book for fifth-graders?
Distracted father: No. Put it back.
Boy: What is it?
Distracted father: Hardcore pornography. Put it back.
Fairwood, Washington
Overheard by: he was so hopeful
These Are the Moments They'll Cherish Forever
Mom to six-year-old daughter: Naiya, you better not be swimming in that toilet, or I will punch you in the neck!
Restaurant Bathroom
Delaware
Overheard by: Laughing Neighbor
Categories: Body parts | Delaware | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Restaurants | Restroom | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Stupid People Will Always Outnumber Smart People: Explained
Teen girl #1: You know, I wish we had some sort of pregnancy switch that we can turn on and off at will. That way, when we have one night stands, we can just turn 'em off, and, voila! No baby!
Teen girl #2: We do. They're called diagrams.
Teen girl #3: You mean "diaphragms."
Teen girl #2: Whatever.
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Leila
The Guns Vs. Butter Model Of Parenting
Dad: Do you want to get McDonald's?
Boy, screaming: No!
Dad: Do you want to get Burger King?
Boy: No!
Dad: Do you want to get ice cream?
Boy: No!
Dad: Do you want to get machine guns?
Boy: Yes.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Lacy
Small, but Wired
Female yuppie: When my daughter was nine months old, she was eating tiramisu... with espresso in it!
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Kab00m
Stop Being Black at the Store!
Mom to child yelling and running around: Quit it! You embarrassin' me in front of the white folk!
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: A white folk
That Means the Chili Was Juuuust Right
Four-year-old child, excitedly, holding mother's hand: My butt is burning!
Maine
According to Their Publicists
Passerby to two women getting off elevator with a double stroller with white and black babies: Uh-oh!
Women: Oh, it's okay. They're just friends.
Elevator, Westchester Mall
White Plains, New York
If You Like Mental Calisthenics, You'll Love This Quote!
17-year-old mom: And she thought that you were my mom!
18-year-old friend, gesturing to baby: Wait... so is this your sister or my grandchild?
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Family ties | Friends | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Thought You Didn't Want To?
Mom to toddler girl: What fish should we get today? Salmon or tilapia or flounder?
Toddler girl: Is that "flounder" like in Little Mermaid?
Mom: Well, it's a fish, like flounder was.
Toddler girl: I want to eat flounder! Let's cook him. Mommy, can we eat Nemo too?
Costco
Fairfax, Virginia
Today, Young Tommy, You Are a Man.
Panicked child, between gasps: Why... do I... keep... burping?
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Burping & farting | Canadia | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Questions | Posted 2009-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Run Into Them at a Bar Just Walk Away, or I Will Fail You
Professor: I have kids. I might have grandkids, but with my children... that probably shouldn't happen.
Arcadia University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Kids | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait Of the Scat Fetishist As a Young Man
Little boy, gleefully wiping chocolate on his father's white pants: I'm wiping your butt! Haha! I'm wiping your butt!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Ass | Candy | Cleanliness | Dads | Kids | Michigan | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Answer to "Why Do You Want This Job"?
Kid with eyebrow piercing: I remember when I was a little kid, every time I would wet the bed I'd dream I was Aladdin swimming through a warm creek.
Cedar Springs, Michigan
Overheard by: Ron Wheaton
Categories: Guys | Kids | Memory lane | Michigan | Pee | Posted 2009-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Smells Fishy to Me
Lady #1: Yeah, she's going out tonight with some giiiirrrl.
Lady #2: Like... a friend girl... or like... for a date?
Lady #1: Oh, I can't ever tell with kids these days. Probably a date. They were going to the aquarium.
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Vanessa
Categories: Colorado | Kids | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So "Boy" Is Ironic?
20-something woman to little girl's mother: Do you know who is Boy George?
Little girl: He is a boy that would've wanted to be a woman.
Amused mother: I couldn't have explained that better.
Guadalajara
Mexico
Overheard by: passerby
You're Divorced, Mom.
Seven-year-old boy to mom: So, mom, all the kids in camp were making fun of this one boy cuz he was a stinky Yankees fan and we're all Mets fans!
Mom: Honey, if mommy can marry a Republican, than you can be friends with a Yankees fan.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Parenting | Politics | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mind If I Feed Her This Pot Brownie?
Sorostitute: Oh my god! Your baby is so cute! How old is she?
Single mom: One.
Sorostitute: Oh my god. She is so precious! I love children, I keep the nursery in church and I used to babysit, like, all the time. Do you think I could...
Single mom: No.
Sorostitute: Hold her?
Single mom: No.
University of Alabama
Categories: Age and ageing | Alabama | Beauty | Biotechs | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What?? It's Not Like I Told Them About Your Giant, Hammy Thighs.
Little girl in next stall: But what if Old Faithful starts going while we're not out there?
Girl's mother: Well, you'll have to pee really quickly so mommy can pee and then we can go.
Little girl: But you take a long time to pee.
Mother: Yes, I know.
(pause)
Little girl: You take a long time to pee.
Mother: Well, thank you for announcing that to the entire bathroom.
Restroom, Old Faithful Inn
Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming
Categories: Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pee | Restroom | Should have used a condom | Time Management | Wyoming | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: He's Been Too Happy Lately
Son: Mommy, why are you going through daddy's phone?
Mother: Because I love him!
Panera
Howell, New Jersey
Categories: Cell phones | Family ties | Feelings | Infidelity | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2009-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Parenting, Encapsulated.
Little boy: Mommy, come here! I have a present for you!
(mom comes over, little boy proceeds to dump a bucket of water over her head).
Little boy: Did you like it?
Mom: No.
(little boy dumps another bucket of water on her head)
Neighborhood Pool
New Jersey
Overheard by: CMac
Categories: Gifts | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why I Could Never Teach Middle School
13-year-old preppy white girl: It be sneakah time, ya'll!
Deptford Mall
Deptford, New Jersey
Categories: Kids | Language barrier | Malls | New Jersey | Preppies | Stupidity | Teens | Whiteys | Posted 2009-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Sex Ed Works Too Well.
Biology teacher: Can anyone give me an example of a parasite?
Girl: A baby!
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Tangent
Kid Surprises Are Fun, but Illegal
Woman #1, approaching register counter: Ooh! Kinder eggs! I love those things!
Woman #2: What are they?
Woman #1: They're chocolate! With something inside!
Cashier: They're hollow chocolate eggs.
Woman #1: With a surprise inside!
Woman #2: Ew!
Cashier: It's a toy.
Woman #2: Oh. A toy.
Cashier: Whoa, okay, just imagine you were a kid again, and what a surprise meant when you were a kid.
Woman #2: I know... I know. It's just, adult surprises are never fun.
Woman #1, walking out of store: What were you thinking it was going to be? A penis that would squirt all over you?
Woman #2: You never know! Adult surprises are always bad!
San Francisco, California
...By Mixing Glue With Sawdust
Ten-year-old girl walking on cut down tree: Oh, I bet this is what they make wood out of!
Cambridge
Ontario
Canadia
Like They Used to Do with Us!
Teenager, noticing little girl being led around by her mother on a leash: Look! White people be putting their kids on leashes!
The Galleria
St. Louis, Missouri
Ever Watch Any Of Bush's Speeches?
Four-year-old: Mommy, that girl speaks English!
Mother: Yes, she does.
Four-year-old: But nobody here speaks English. Does she really speak English?
Mother: Of course she speaks English! She's white!
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: katie
Categories: Kids | Language barrier | Moms | Overheard Lines | Parenting | Race | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's for Him to Decide
New dad: Look! These clothes are cute. Oh, look at this dress!
New mum: You have a boy, not a girl!
Department Store
Melbourne
Australia
Also, I'm Having Company Tonight, So You'll Have to Find Another Place to Sleep
Young boy to father: Dad, I really wanted that chocolate cereal, did you buy some for me?
Father: No.
Young boy: Why not?
Father: Listen, I'd also prefer it if you stayed at your mom's all the time. But do we always get what we want? No.
Subway
Vienna
Austria
That's What You Said About Uncle Walter!
Little girl: Mommy, can I have a bubble bath?
Mother: No, it makes your vagina hurt.
Plantation, Florida
Overheard by: i guess that's a valid reason.
I Also Liked Starving My Baby to Death
Teacher: No one liked middle school. Everyone hates middle school. I'd rather starve to death than teach middle school. I'd rather starve my baby to death than teach middle school.
Student: I liked middle school.
Teacher: Freak!
Portland, Maine
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Education | Gripes | Insults | Kids | Maine | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Just on That Lady's Shoes.
Overexcited boy in cafe: Mum, mum, mum! Can I play with my new toy? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Disinterested mum: Sure.
Overexcited boy, holding toy: Look! I'm holding my winkle. And I'm peeing. I'm peeing all over the drinks. There's wee everywhere!
Disinterested mum: No, there isn't.
Kingston-Upon-Thames
England
Overheard by: Ben
Categories: Drinking & drunks | England | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Pee | Should have used a condom | Toys | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, That's a Water Bottle.
50-something female suit: That's a dog? I thought it was a kid in a weird hat!
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: really?
With My Baby Brother Inside?!
Adorable little blond girl, ecstatically: Did our car get jacked?
Port Washington, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
...So, Uh, Wanna Talk About Your Period?
Man: So how's your baby?
Young woman: Great. He's three months old now, so he's no longer just a glorified fetus! He has emotions, and everything!
(pause)
Man, awkwardly: Oh. Huh, how about that?
Mohonk Resort
New Paltz, New York
Overheard by: Ali
It Was Lots Of Fun 'til the Police Arrived
Little boy: How 'bout you get naked, and I get naked, and then we give naked hugs!
St. Joseph, Michigan
Categories: Glad the condom broke | Kids | Michigan | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is There a Toy for Me Anywhere in That?
Small boy: Dad! Dad! Can I have that?
Father: I've told you before, craving leads to attachment.
Toy Shop
Eastern Suburbs, Sydney
Australia
...But Only If They're the Horny Type.
Wise eight-year-old boy to brother: Getting a girlfriend is the easy part. But you have to know how to keep them.
Attentive six-year-old: How do you get them to stay?
Wise eight-year-old: You have to find out what kind of food they like to eat. And give them a plastic unicorn.
Nature Park
Tampa, Florida
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Florida | Food | Kids | Kids | Questions | Relationships | Siblings | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's Worse Than Abortion, Alex?
Five-year-old girl to little boy: What happened to our baby?
Little boy: Don't you worry about that baby, woman! I threw it in the trash!
National Zoo
Washington, DC
Categories: Kids | Kids | Parenting | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He'll Be Disappointed When He Learns It Has Nothing to Do With Guns
Youngish mom, enthusiastic: I need shot glasses for work!
Eight-year-old son, excited: I want a shot glass!!
Gift Shop
Branson, Missouri
Some Babies Learn to Run Away Before They Can Walk
Loud fat ghetto chick to baby: See dat? See dat baby walking? That's what you need to be doing. I'm sick of carrying yo' ass around.
Target Parking Lot
Florissant, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Ass | Chicks | Fat people | Kids | Missouri | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stores | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Beanstalk Giant Always Had Trouble Fitting In.
Teenager, chasing after young boy on bike: I'm gonna eat your children!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Li'l Bit
It's Become Illegal to Take Them Through Airports
Middle-aged man on bus: I made the mistake of letting my grandkids come over Saturday. They are nothing but little virus factories!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: micah
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Maladies | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2009-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Carnie Wilson's Mother Tried, But She Was Not Successful
Little girl in cart: Cheetos! That's my favorite snack!
Mom: No! Fruit is your favorite snack, remember?
Flemmington, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Fruit | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Posted 2009-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Children Don't Blend Well
Little girl to friend: You little... Butter, I'm going to whip you up until you smell like rotten juice!
Park Playground
Tacoma, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Friends | Kids | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | Threats | Violence | Washington | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Some Kids Wet the Bed
Mother to five-year-old: Keep moving, we don't want to be in the first car. If the train crashes, we'd be done for.
Metro North Railroad
New York City, New York
Overheard by: BOB Sled