Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Kids All Categories > Topics > Kids
Recent | Best Of
Americans Have Always Been More Interested in Style Than in Content
British professor: I was walking around Oxford one day and I heard these two young lads, couldn't have been more than eight, say "bitches and hoes."
Student: Could you please say that phrase again?
British professor: ... No.
University of San Diego
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Leah
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Education | Etiquette | Foreigners | Insults | Kids | Offers and requests | Students | Teachers | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Button Up Your Pants, Sweetie
Little girl: I love you, pole.
[She kisses the pole.]
Father: Don't kiss the pole! Keep it rated G!
Outside a Dim Sum Shop
Alameda, California
Categories: Advice | California | Dads | Etiquette | Girls | Kids | Kids | Movies | Restaurants | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Kids Shouldn't Watch Cinemax After Dark
Six-year-old girl, gyrating hips: Mommy! Mommy! This is how babies are made!
Mother: That's nice.
Gap Store, Stanford Shopping Center
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: this is why I don't shop at the gap
Categories: California | Family ties | Girls | Glad the condom broke | Kids | Malls | Moms | Offspring | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Expect Ingratitude. And Sass-Mouth
Mother, shouting at her child: You get mad at me for the things I don't do, and you never appreciate the things I do do!
Little girl: Hahaha, you said doodoo!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Girls | Gripes | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Words | Posted 2008-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Zeus Was Quite the Problem Child
Little boy #1: [Makes peeing sound, pretends to pee.]
Little boy #2: That's nothing! Feel the wrath of my penis!!
Macy's in Fashion Square Mall
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Florida | Friends | Guys | Kids | Malls | Pee | Penis | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do We Have to Drag Bernie Everywhere We Go?
Little boy: But I don't care about the dead guys anymore!
Washington Monument
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Fears | Feelings | Guys | Kids | Kids | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That the Title of an Inspirational Children's Book?
Little boy to his mother: Why is everybody white and I'm brown?
Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Questions | Race | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kid Must've Been Horrible to Get Taken to a Fabric Store
Six-year-old kid: Will you come over to our place?
Mom's friend: No.
Six-year-old kid: Why not?
Mom's friend: Because you're annoying.
Mom: See? I told you!
Fabric Store
DeKalb, Illinois
Must Be a Factory Nearby
Woman, after bring run by kid: Oh, a human male child just ran by me.
Arlington, Texas
Overheard by: Random Dude
Mrs. Claus's Given Name Was Derek
Little boy to big sister walking behind him: Do you believe in Santa?
Big sister: No! Keep walking.
[big sister shoves him].
Little brother: I heard Santa dislikes girls.
County Fair
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: jake
Categories: California | Girls | Kids | Kids | Questions | Santa Claus | Siblings | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's More Like a Museum of Strangers' Poo, Honey
Little girl, inside port-a-potty: Mommy! Mommy!
Mommy: Just be quiet and go potty.
Little girl: Mommy, do you know what it feels like in here? It's like a little house where I'll always be protected.
Renaissance Festival
Maryland
Overheard by: Nancy Whiskey
If They've Been Naughty, Santa Brings Them Small Penises.
Female college student: Do boys still really have cooties at thirteen?
Male college student: Nope. That's when they get penises.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Meghan
Categories: Age and ageing | Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Penis | Sexuality | Students | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You're Really Bad, I'll Make You Go in the Ball Pit
Angry father, to young daughter: Do you wanna go to Chuck E. Cheese?
Daughter: [scared silence]
Father: Then stop touching shit!
Wal-Mart
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Molly BOOM
Wait-- What Exactly Are You Using As a Volleyball?
Mom to three-year-old son under the table: Whatcha' doin' under there, buddy?
Three-year-old son: Playing volleyball.
Dad: Volleyball? Smells like you're pooping your pants.
Three-year-old son, giggling: I am.
Three-year-old son's sister to friend: See, I told you it wasn't the food.
Los Tres Amigos Mexican Restaurant
Michigan
Overheard by: Scott
Categories: Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Lies | Michigan | Moms | Poop | Questions | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Siblings | Posted 2008-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, That Self-Actualization Seminar Was a Bust
Nine year-old girl: I want that shirt and you are going to get it for me. Any questions?
Mom: Many. Shut up and put the damn shirt back.
Target
Atlanta, Georgia
And You Stole Me from a Playground!
Little boy, standing next to a car: Daddy, this isn't our car! Daddy, what are you doing? This isn't our car!
Man: Look, buddy, you've got to stop saying that when we're in parking lots. [to a couple walking by] I just got a new car.
Little boy: No you didn't!
AMC Theatres
Owings Mills, Maryland
Overheard by: they steal cars, dont they?
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Family ties | Fears | Kids | Kids | Lies | Maryland | Posted 2008-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And No Finger-Cymbals for You Tonight.
Screaming seven-year-old on the ground: But I want to sing! I want to sing now!
Patient but angry mom: Well, you should have thought about that before. It's too late. Now get your kazoo and get in the car.
Easley High
Easley, South Carolina
...Once I Ran Out of Poop
Daughter: Mommy, mommy, that dress makes you look sixteen years younger!
[Later]
Daughter: Mommy, if you were stranded in the desert without any water, what would you do?
Mother: [No response].
Daughter: [to little sister] I would eat my own blood.
Old Navy
Promenade Mall, California
Overheard by: Claustrophobic
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | California | Default | Family ties | Food | Geography | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Malls | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Are Still Giggling about "Beaverton"
Little boy holding a dog leash: OK, I'll be the dog and you be the owner.
Little girl: OK!
Little boy: No, wait, you be the dog and I'll be the owner.
Little girl: Don't even *think* about it!
Beaverton, Oregon
90% of the Time, Your Kids Won't Even Appreciate Your Brilliance
Small child, pointing to an "eat pussy" graffiti painted on the side of a restaurant: Daddy, what does that say?
Father: It's a menu.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Chikara
Categories: Canadia | Dads | Default | Euphemisms | Family | Family ties | Food | Kids | Kids | Questions | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2008-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom's Been Forcing Her to Watch Seventh Heaven, to No Avail
Goth girl: I'm so proud of my sister. The rest of her classmates are doing their final projects on chihuahuas and stuff like that. My sister? Serial killers.
Friend: Dude, you're turning her into a you.
Goth girl: I know! My mom is so pissed at me.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Or Should We Cut to the Chase and Snort Some Lines?
Six-year-old girl to six-year old boy: Do you want to get a coffee?
Barnes & Noble
Plainfield, Illinois
Overheard by: Tdcompton
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Illinois | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
His Parents Took Solace in Knowing He Would Be an "Aggressive" Gay
Kid #1, playing with blocks: This robot needs guns!
Kid #2: Pretend his hands are guns. [Pauses, then sings] Everybody dance now!
82nd and State
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: BookVixen
That's a BMW, You Little Freak.
Two-year-old, pointing at car: Mercedes!
Putt-Putt Mini Golf
Beverly Hills, California
Overheard by: McF
Categories: California | Default | Kids | Kids | Posted 2008-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dakota Works for Chris Hansen
Little girl singing in the aisle: Hide the wiener, hide the wiener!
Target
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
It's in My Sippy Cup Right Now
Second grade teacher: Okay, so if you are what you eat, what food would you be?
Student #1: Cake!
Student #2: Candy!
Student #3: Beer!
Second grade teacher: No, you can't choose that. It's illegal for you to drink beer.
Student #3: But I drink it all the time!
St. Catharine's
Ontario
Canadia
Hey, I Told Her Not to Touch the Stream!
Little girl running back from bathroom with her father: Mommy, I got pee on my finger!
Perkins restaurant
Erie, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Girls | Gripes | Kids | Kids | Pee | Pennsylvania | Restaurants | Posted 2008-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Four-Eyed Men Are Illegal in Oklahoma
Little girl: I'll tell you what my daddy looks like. He has eyeglasses and he's a woman.
Car dealer
Midwest City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Reiza
NewsFlash: Gender Confusion More of an Issue in Kansas Than Poor Grammar
Little girl, about sleeping baby sister: Him is sleeping? Him is sleeping?!
Mom, exasperated: No! Her is sleeping!
Kansas
Is My Widdle Boy Gonna Asphyxiatey-watey?
Mom, giving toddler a stocking: That'll keep you quiet for a minute. [Toddler starts stretching it over his face.] Awww, that's so cute. Are you gonna go rob a bank?
DSW Shoes
New Jersey
Overheard by: Unburdened shoe shopper
It Bounced Back and Totally Kicked My Ass at Beer Pong
Criminal justice professor: Babies are hard. I almost had one die on me. It was pure luck it survived.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Overheard by: citycat
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Default | Gripes | Kids | Overheard in Law School | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lionel Richie: Oh, I've Tried.
Wills and Trusts professor: Can you rescind an adoption? Is it possible to say, 'I'm just not that into you'?
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Kids | Overheard in Law School | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Three, but They Were Eaten by Dinosaurs
Teen girl: So, like, did Adam and Eve have children?
Columbia, Tennessee
We're Hoping She'll Grow Out of That Once She Turns Five
Middle-aged professor, matter-of-factly: My daughter loves Stephen Colbert. She calls him her 'baby daddy.'
Art League School
Alexandria, Virginia
Don't They Have, Like, a Three-Day Lifespan Anyway?
Mother: So, what did you learn at nursery today?
Excited four-year-old girl: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck-fuck!
Mother: Every time you say that, one of Santa's elves dies, you know.
London
England
Someone Who Can Afford Better Than Macy's
Little girl: Mom, those boots make you look like a hooker!
Mother: This conversation is over.
Little girl: Okay... What's a hooker?
Macy's, Marley Station Mall
Marley, Maryland
Overheard by: jd
Just Start Fires
Three-year-old girl: Can I open this?
Dad: No. There are two hundred and fifty matches in there, and they're going to fall all over the place.
Three-year-old girl: But I promise I won't eat them.
Harvest Co-Op
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Latency Period, My Ass!
Four-year-old boy: So, girls have 'ginas, and boys have penises?
Mom: Um, yes, hon.
Four-year-old boy: You have a 'gina?
Mom: Yes, honey. Shhh.
Four-year-old boy: Girls at school have 'ginas? Teachers have 'ginas?
Mom: Yes, honey. Now shush.
Four-year-old boy, contemplating: I alwa