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...Whilst Avoiding Useful Work

Cashier #1: Hey, did you put all those resumes from today with the other pile?
Cashier #2: Oh. Um, I didn't think we were actually hiring, so I might have thrown them out.

London
Canadia


Overheard by: I'm not applying here


Categories: Canadia | Employees | Jobs & Careers | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2011-06-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So Being Gay Might Be the Only Cool Thing He Has Going for Him

30-something gay man to friend: I don't know if he is gay or not, but he worked at Starbucks and he had a lisp.

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: Peter Piper


Categories: Gays | Gossip | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | Sexuality | Posted 2011-06-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Would I Wipe It Off?

Suit: So yeah, I found out how my boss's boss takes his tea, and I took him a cup this morning, along with a muffin.
Non-suit: And did you remember to take a napkin to wipe his feces from your nose?

London
England


Overheard by: Eastender


Categories: Bosses | Employees | England | Food | Jobs & Careers | Poop | Questions | Posted 2011-05-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

At Least Death Has a Job in This Economy.

Imaginative little boy to brother: That's evil's house, and then death comes walking out of it and he's like, "I hate my job." And then he accidentally taps his wife on the head and is like, "noooo!"

London
England


Overheard by: Kaitlen


Categories: Death & dying | England | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Hopefully You'll Have Fewer Trackmarks.

Seven-year-old: Mommy, why is that man going under the train?
40-something woman: Because, sweetie, he works there.
Seven-year-old: He works under the train?
40-something woman: Yes, sweetie.
Seven-year-old: When I get older I wanna work under a train.
40-something woman: Nice, maybe you can pay for my funeral. Not like your older brother...

Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Malina


Categories: Death & dying | Georgia | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Moms | Money | Questions | Posted 2011-04-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's Not a Nice Way to Talk About the Bravo Network.

Eight-year-old boy to eight-year-old girl: You have to go to college! Otherwise you'll have to work in the poop factory!
Eight-year-old girl: There's no such thing as the poop factory!
Six-year-old brother: Yes there is! Remember?

Portland, Oregon


Categories: Advice | Education | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Oregon | Poop | Posted 2011-03-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Translation: Top That, Motherfucker!

Amherst girl to Dartmouth guy, discussing Hillel dinners at Harvard: I turned down a position at Massachusetts General Hospital because they don't have squash courts.

Commuter Rail Train
Boston, Massachusetts

I'm All, "Fuck the Planet, Let's Party!"

Guy: Trust me, I'm a gay scientist!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire


Categories: Advice | Bragging | Illinois | Jobs & Careers | Queers | Sexuality | Posted 2010-11-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Because I Won't Make That Mistake Again.

Student, during class: Are we talking about real prostitutes or a guy who duct tapes everything back and puts a skirt on?

Stockton College
New Jersey


Overheard by: Charlie


Categories: Body parts | Clothing | Gender issues | Jobs & Careers | New Jersey | Students | Posted 2010-10-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And I'm Washing It Down with Laxatives!

Model scout, handing out card to hot tall teen: I know you're probably modeling already, but take my card anyway.
Shorter teen girl to friend, after scout has left: Fuck you. The only reason he gave you his card instead of me was because I'm eating a cookie. But it's the only thing I've had to eat today!

Starbucks
Studio City, California


Overheard by: Urz


Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Employees | Food | Friends | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2010-09-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

To Be Fair, at Least She Won't Be a Cop.

Fat female student: I'm thirty-eight years old with a criminal justice degree, and I still can't find nothin' to do in this valley. Nobody's hirin', nothin'.
Skinny female student: Couldn't you just be a cop?
Fat female student: I can't be a cop. They give me a badge an' a gun, I'd be shootin' at fags and wetbacks. I mean, in this day in age... Not to be rude or anything...

Bookstore
West Virginia University

...On the Internet, I Met Someone Who Was All Three!

Girl #1: You should stop meeting guys off the internet so much. They're creepy.
Girl #2: The internet is the best place to meet people. I met a rapist at a job interview, a pimp at the airport, and a pedophile at church.

Norman, Oklahoma

If They Don't Perform, You Can Eat Them

Middle-aged guy to 20-something girl: You could hire chickens, they're not union!

BART
San Francisco, California


Categories: Birds | Girls | Guys | Jobs & Careers | San Francisco | Posted 2010-08-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Have You Read The Protocols Of the Elders Of Annapolis?

Guy on phone: No I'll never join the navy. (pause) Because me joining the navy would be like Hitler joining the Jewish church!

Detroit, Michigan

Overheard by: Kapti


Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | History | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | On the phone | Religion | Posted 2010-07-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...With a Preference for Manila Sex

Out-of-towner: I like being paid in envelopes; it makes me feel like a prostitute.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Jonathan


Categories: Compare and contrast | Foreigners | Jobs & Careers | Money | Pennsylvania | Posted 2010-07-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Featuring a Bottomless Cup Of Coffee

Girl: Yeah, I work at Show Me's. It's like Hooters, only sluttier.

Albuquerque, New Mexico


Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Insults | Jobs & Careers | New Mexico | Posted 2010-07-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Wanting to Make Something Of Themselves

Ditzy girl #1: Like, I love her... but she's just so dumb.
Ditzy girl #2: I know! I mean, she wants to take the MCAT. I don't understand that kind of people.

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia


Categories: Canadia | Feelings | Girls | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...In the Soft Porn Industry

Pretty hipster to hipster friend with iPhone: Danny! Stop taking pictures of random girls!
Hipster friend with iPhone: I can't help it, I need them for my work...

Elkhart, Indiana


Categories: Cell phones | Friends | Hipsters | Indiana | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2010-06-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...When I Asked Them to Unplug the Faxierphone.

Ditzy new student: People don't think I'm smart. But I just don't, like, like big words. I don't use them. I used one of them once at work and no one knew what I was talking about!

University of South Australia


Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Jobs & Careers | Students | Words | Posted 2010-06-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Won't That Hurt?

Middle aged woman to another: I swear, they're going to make us work till we're Protestant!

Cork
Ireland


Categories: Christianity | Ireland | Jobs & Careers | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-05-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And They Pay Me for It!

20-something girl: I love hairdressing, it's the best job. I get to talk about me all day long to everybody!

City Bus
Sydney
Australia


Overheard by: Rose


Categories: Australia | Bus | Girls | Hair | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2010-05-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Dude, When You Go to Work You're Totally Gonna Shit

High school freshman #1: Sometimes I wish I didn't live somewhere so industrialized. Why can't I live somewhere where people are hunters and gatherers?
High school freshman #2: I know, we waste so much time in school getting an "education." I could learn so much more out in the world.
High school freshman #1: Yeah, and I don't understand why people go to work and shit.

Train Station
Chicago, Illinois


Categories: Education | Illinois | Jobs & Careers | Questions | Students | Train | Wishes | Posted 2010-05-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Like Hitler Did

20-something boy: I think I am dropping out of college?
20-something girl: So? What are you going to do then?
20-something boy: Become an artist.
20-something girl: And do what?
20-something boy: Paint some shit and get paid for that.

Camden Market
London
England


Categories: England | Girls | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Wishes | Posted 2010-04-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Where I'll Never Have to Deal with Harassment!

Blonde, busty college student, to professor: I don't have to take this! I can get a job at Hooters!

Virginia

Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy


Categories: Chicks | Compare and contrast | Jobs & Careers | Virginia | Posted 2010-04-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Taste-Testing Jawbreakers Is a Lot More Difficult Than My Old Job Of Sucking Cock

Man on cell: Well, yeah, I think it was worth it, considering how much money I made... (pause) Well, my mouth really hurts, and I think I need some antibiotics.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: i swear this is not made up


Categories: California | Health & Hygiene | Jobs & Careers | Mouth | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You May Be Overqualified, Sir

Leather-clad 30-something man applying for job at sandwich shop: I'm not only a musician, I'm also a martial artist!

Grand Rapids, Michigan


Categories: Bragging | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | Posted 2010-03-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sounds Almost As Cool As Our Job.

Woman on cell: I'm coming to LA to make 100 Egyptian army uniforms, then I'm going back.

International Airport
El Paso, Texas


Overheard by: V


Categories: Airports & flights | Clothes | Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Texas | US Geography | Women | Posted 2010-03-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just Like They Taught Us at Harvard Business School

Middle-aged woman on cell: Unless he doubles my salary, I'm not sleeping with him.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by:


Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Jobs & Careers | Money | On the phone | Sex | Women | Posted 2010-03-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Casting Agents Get More Like Pimps Every Day

Girl on cell: Look, fine, then if you don't want Lucy Liu I'll hook you up with her sister. Then you can have two for one!

Film Class
Queen's University
Canadia


Overheard by: Umm can I get in on that?

I'm Sure Those Of You in Sororities Know Exactly What I'm Talking About

Professor: In the work-a-day world we work a lot through our mouth.

Grand Rapids, Michigan


Categories: Education | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | Mouth | Teachers | Posted 2010-03-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Building the Giant Freeze-Ray Will Probably Take Most Of the Morning

20-something man: Oh, man, we've got a really full day tomorrow. We have to freeze all that tomato sauce we made.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: Jon


Categories: Food | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Time Management | Posted 2010-03-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

In That It's Entirely Made Up

Guy #1: My boss, who's a Shaolin monk, told me if I saved his school, he'd pay off my loans. He was like "I pay off 1.5 million dollar debt!" and then, for a while, I was dealing with the Russian mafia, so I've been pretty busy.
Guy #2: Man... Your life is like a movie. It's like Karate Kid 15 or something.

Tulane University
New Orleans, Louisiana


Overheard by: iwouldtotallywatchthatmovie

The Crap You Write Proves You Don't Listen to Me

Professor: My job is pretty sweet. All I have to do is show up and talk about something I'm interested in. How sweet is that? It would be even better if I didn't hate all of you.

Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois

But That Doesn't Mean I'll Tolerate Flogging and Spanking in My Class

Music teacher: Tenors like to dominate.

School
Western Australia
Australia

Or Was That the Time I Was Temporarily Decapitated?

40-something suit #1: So you remember when I was dying of melanoma?
40-something suit #2: Is that when you couldn't go on the golf trip with the boss?
40-something suit #1: Yes, that was it!

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: MilwaukeeBabe


Categories: Death & dying | Jobs & Careers | Leisure | Maladies | Suits | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-01-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or High School Guidance Counselor.

Blonde girl to boyfriend: I think I'd make a good drug addict.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: uhh


Categories: Couples | Drugs | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2010-01-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'll Stick to My Placenta Face-Cream, Thank You Very Much

Male wedding-goer to female wedding-goer: Oh, you guys work here? Excellent! My sister's husband, oh, I mean my brother-in-law, sells semen. Bull semen.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: best pick-up line ever

Dropping Off Her Kids Again?

Older woman on phone: June* is in jail right now, but she'll be into work a little later.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: o_o

My Childhood Dream Is Finally Coming True!

Girl to friend: Like, oh my god! I just got mistaken for a sales clerk at freakin' Levi's!

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: seastardodell


Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Washington | Posted 2010-01-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just Really Effeminate Little Boys with Long, Flowing Hair

Mother, queuing at nativity play: Well, of course, she was disappointed to be a shepherd. I mean, children are smart these days. She knows full well there weren't any female shepherds back then.

Milton Keynes
England


Categories: England | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Moms | Posted 2009-12-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Eventually Re-Tell It in the Feature Film What's Glove Got to Do with It?

Girl to female friend: Yes, if I get the job at the CDC I will celebrate your chlamydia as an inspirational story.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Ian


Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | STDs | Posted 2009-12-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Nightmare I Thought Had Ended in the Mid-90's

Mother: Hey, you could get a job at Build-A-Bear.
Exasperated daughter: No I couldn't, they have to wear khaki pants and denim shirts.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: what?s wrong with that?


Categories: Clothes | Family | Jobs & Careers | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2009-12-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And You Know the Company Bylaws

Male Wal-Mart employee to female coworker: Come on, what's your problem? (smiles at her)
Female coworker: I can't smile. I work here.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: A. Lil


Categories: Coworkers | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2009-12-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What About Those Three Other Kids?

Six-year-old girl: Are you doing your job?
Lifeguard: Are you drowning?
Six-year-old girl: No.
Lifeguard: Then I'm doing my job.

Kiddie Pool
Great Neck, New York


Categories: Employees | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Kids | New York | Questions | Posted 2009-12-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And, If You're at All Interested, Napoleon's in the Supply Closet.

Employee #1: It's been such a slow day. I feel like I've been here forever.
Employee #2: I know, right?
Employee #1: How about you? Today been slow for you too?
Employee #3: Nope. I discovered time travel.

Hardware Store
Agoura Hills, California

For Some Reason, It Rarely Happens the Other Way Around

College girl, surprised: You went on a blind date last night?
College boy: Yeah, she was nice. She's gonna be a nurse.
Sketchy friend: Dude, that's awesome! Y'know, nurses make the best porn stars.

Coffeeshop
Burlington, Vermont

Government Job?

Woman on cell: Yeah, I'm on my way to work. I gotta stop for cigarettes and a cocktail.

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: aaron

She's Worried I'll Don Their Gay Apparel

Teenage scene girl: I'm going to American Apparel to apply for a job.
Friend: Do you think you'll get the job?
Teenage scene girl: Yeah, but I don't think my mom will let me.
Friend: Why?
Teenage scene girl: There are lesbians there.

McDonald's
Manhattan, New York


Categories: Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | McDonald's | New York | Parenting | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-10-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

This Lecture Would Be Protected Under Attorney-Client Privilege

Professor: In a year or two, you're going to graduate and have to face the hard decision about what to do with your life. Some of you will be lawyers, some of you will be engineers, and some of you will opt for a life of crime. When you do, and you get caught, roll over on the person you're caught with, and ask for absolute immunity. I hope you don't choose a life of crime, but if you do, at least be smart about it.

Pre-law Class
USC

Has Legally Blonde Ruined the Profession? Discuss.

Professor: When thinking about a case, you have to start by listing all the parties. You go, "We are the plaintiffs, the mighty, mighty plaintiffs..."

Law School
Los Angeles, California


Overheard by: MaggieB

Too Late.

Man to friends: I think I'm finally gonna quit my job and write the sitcom I've always wanted to, about the sassy robot.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Ian


Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Jobs & Careers | TV shows | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Unless You Could Find Some Cute Coveralls

Blonde teenage girl #1: If I don't get asked to prom I might just drop out of school and become a mechanic.
Blonde teenage girl #2: I know... that would suck.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: high school


Categories: Education | Girls | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Posted 2009-09-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Bravo TV Contestant!

School counselor, trying to get kids to guess a career: This person might work in fashion, or decorate houses...
Fourth grader: A gay guy!

Raleigh, North Carolina


Categories: Employees | Jobs & Careers | Kids | North Carolina | Sexuality | Posted 2009-09-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

An Inflatable Friend

Old guy to friend: He got a new girl who works in the sex industry... and you know his fantasy has always been two women. I told him it'd never happen, but apparently it did. His girl has a friend who was willing to play along...

Holland, Michigan


Categories: Friends | Jobs & Careers | Kink | Michigan | Old folks | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But I'm Sure You'll Locate Your Suitcase-- Bwahaha!

Passenger trying to find lost baggage: Excuse me! Do you work for United?
Airline steward: No! Oh no! Thank god!

P.E. Trudeau Airport
Montreal
Canadia

...Right Next to Our TA

Communications professor: There are no stupid questions. If you have a question, that means you don't understand something. If you don't ask the question you will be behind for the day, for the week, semester, and the rest of your life. You will find yourself sucking cheap wine out of a paper bag and sleeping on a grate.

Washington State University
Pullman, Washington

Another Casualty Of the "Math Is Hard" Barbie

Girl to friend: I was like "whatever, bitch! You're not even a real registered nurse. Like you'll be working full time in a doctor's office making $20 an hour, and I'll be a real nurse making $20,000 a year."

Texas State University

Who Knew That Would Ever Turn Out to Be a Bad Idea?

Woman #1: Do you want to become a judge?
Woman #2: No way!
Woman #1: Why not?
Woman #2: I have too many naked photos on the internet out there of me!

Coffee Shop
Salt Lake City


Overheard by: Snazzy


Categories: Internet | Jobs & Careers | Porn | Questions | Utah | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-08-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Underground. On Mars.

30-something large man: That book by George Orwell, 1984, is a prophecy!
Skinny guy sitting next to him: Yeah, yeah, man.
30-something large man: Because in 1985, the government took over, and they were the ones selling all the crack and dope. I would know. I was working for them.

Transit Bus
Olympia, Washington


Overheard by: scooting farther away


Categories: Books | Bus | Drugs | Fat people | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Politics | Skinny people | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2009-08-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Maybe a Blowjob or Two

Black teen employee to teen girl employee: Some of these people, they want to get to know you and make a connection, and I'm like, "man, I don't want to be your friend, I just want to give you a towel."

Marino Center
Boston, Massachusetts


Categories: Black people | Coworkers | Jobs & Careers | Massachusetts | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's True Of Any Cop, Though.

Boy: I should be a rent-a-cop.
Girl #1, laughing: You'd be the least believable rent-a-cop ever.
Girl #2: Yeah, they might mistake you for a gay stripper.

Tempe, Arizona


Categories: Arizona | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Girls | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-08-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Whole Thing Smacks Of Effort

Hipster chick to hipster dude: If you could do any profession, what would you do? Like, if you gave your whole self to something?
Hipster dude: I don't know.
Hipster girl: I would be a tree surgeon.
Hipster dude: What's that?
Hipster girl: Like, it's an environmental way to trim trees. I would go around climbing trees all day and snipping them, and like, live in the forest. But I probably won't do that.
Hipster dude: Oh.

Chapel Hill, North Carolina


Categories: Hipsters | Jobs & Careers | North Carolina | Questions | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Do You Do, Uh, Blown Glass?

Old Polish lady, bitching about price of handmade jewelry: So you're paying for the hand job and not the stone?

Bethlehem, Pennsylvania


Categories: Clients | Jobs & Careers | Money | Pennsylvania | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-07-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Presenting, the Deepest Person at Banana Republic.

Aspiring fashionista: What if I die today and regret that I never dressed up all the time? But if I worked at Banana Republic, I'd be forced to dress up.

BART Train
Berkeley, California


Overheard by: Kaitlen


Categories: California | Clothes | Death & dying | Fashion | Idiots | Jobs & Careers | Questions | Stupidity | Train | Posted 2009-07-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Law & Order Doesn't Take Place in San Francisco

Young Asian cop easing old Asian man out of police car: My first day on the beat and already I'm finding out about and busting illegal Mahjong parlors! I didn't know they existed!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: McF


Categories: Asians | Cops | Crimes | Games | Jobs & Careers | Old folks | San Francisco | Posted 2009-07-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Unlike Your Tasseled Loafers.

Hobo: You ever model?
Cute Asian guy: Uh, no.
Hobo: You should think about it. You have nice cheekbones. But definitely go with an agency.
Cute Asian guy: Okay. (awkward pause)
Hobo: By the way, this is man-to-man. This isn't no gay shit!

Chicago, Illinois


Categories: Asians | Body parts | Compliments | Guys | Hobos | Illinois | Jobs & Careers | Sexuality | Posted 2009-07-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Further Evidence That Missouri Loves Company

Middle aged man power-walking with friend in the park: I wake up, I drink, and I smoke. Then, I go to work, come home, and drink and then smoke. You wanna know why I do this?
Friend: Why?
Middle aged man: I'm fucking depressed, that's why. So I wake up and do it all over again the next day.

Forest Park
St. Louis, Missouri


Categories: Drinking & drunks | Friends | Jobs & Careers | Maladies | Missouri | Questions | Smoking | Posted 2009-07-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Probably Not Abortion Doctors.

Student on phone: Did you know doctors get fifty percent off of Domino's pizzas?

University of Sussex Campus
England


Overheard by: Zaney

No One Has Problems Like I Do!

Teary-eyed teen: But I don't wanna work...I wanna go to Istanbul!

Palmer, Alaska


Categories: Alaska | Compare and contrast | Holidays | Jobs & Careers | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-06-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So Why Would You Want to Be a Middle-School Nurse?

Tall woman on cell: It's not like I wanted to do it either, but sometimes you just have to grab her, spread her legs, and shove the tampon in there. I mean it's part of the job after all.

Dayton, Ohio

Overheard by: I hope she gets hazard pay!


Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Jobs & Careers | Ohio | On the phone | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-06-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

QED, Girlfriend

Young woman #1: How much time do I waste studying that I could be working out?
Young woman #2: I'd rather be skinny than smart.

Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts

...But Who's Up for Porn Instead Of a Lecture Today?

Professor: I am so not professional...

Rowan University
Glassboro, New Jersey

...Now It's My Turn to Say Something About Cavity Searches

Security: What are you studying?
Girl checking books in X-ray machine: Proper oral technique.
Security: (snickers)
Girl: Dentistry!
Security: Oh.

Airpot
Newcastle
England


Categories: Airports & flights | Candy | Default | Employees | England | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Questions | Posted 2009-05-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

My Autobiography Features Some Great Tips.

Chick to cop interrupting honor students' discussion: Oh, um, we were just talking about how we would cover up a murder.
Cop, laughing: Oh, you would not believe how many times I've heard that...

Metro State College
Denver, Colorado


Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Cops | Default | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Murder | Posted 2009-05-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Every Presentation Was Brought to Us by the Letter "O"

Chick: I was in your area during lunch and thought about asking you to meet me for a quickie.
Dude: What the fuck? And you didn't, because...?
Chick: I had to drive some coworkers back to the city. Wasn't sure what to do with them while we copulated.
Dude: Do what my parents did, sit them down in front of the tv, turn on Sesame Street and turn it up!

Conshohocken, Pennsylvania

Judge Me When You've Walked a Mile in My G-String, Okay?

Stripper, yelling at boyfriend: You don't have to shave your vagina everyday to get tips from bald, fifty-year-old men!

Lincoln, Nebraska

Overheard by: late night studier


Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Employees | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Money | Nebraska | Vagina | Posted 2009-05-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

My Mother Always Said I Married a Piece Of Trash

Neighbor, talking about busy husband: Yeah, he may take Monday off just to decompose.

Burke, Virginia

Overheard by: Jimmy C


Categories: Death & dying | Default | Jobs & Careers | Virginia | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Like Babies Do

Writer: That guy is so small he could get a job as a stunt midget.
Illustrator: Is that a real profession? I would have thought they did their own stunts.

Greenville Airport
Texas


Overheard by: Mike

If You've Ever Waited Weeks for Grades, You'll Understand the Applause

Professor, throwing exams on desk the day after taking them: I graded all of these. I want applause.
(class applauds)

UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts

Moving on to the Case Of Muffet V. Spider...

Father to son in stroller: Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall; Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; Humpty Dumpty hired a great lawyer; Humpty Dumpty sued the pants of the wall maker.

K Street
Washington, DC


Categories: Clothes | Dads | Default | Games | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Names | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-04-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We Fear You Lack the Brainpower to Be an Effective Stripper

Teacher, explaining sign up sheet: So, where it says "What are your plans?" You need to just put something like "Doctor," "lawyer," etc.
Blonde in back, whispering to girl next to her: Girl, I'm putting down "stripper," then all of my classes will be in the humanities building!

College Orientation
Washington State Community College

And Get That Hannah Montana Ringtone I've Been Wanting

Hipster boy: So, are you doing that post-bac pre-med thing?
Hipster girl: I dunno...I don't really know what I wanna do.
Hipster boy: Really, you don't wanna do medicine anymore?
Hipster girl: I dunno, I wish I could like, win the lottery. Then I'd go to like, Ghana, and just save people.

NYU Elevator

Notice the Bite Marks on My Shoulder

Girl: Kelly from work just texted me.
Guy: She's the really nice one, right?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Who's the one who's not nice?
Girl: Everyone else.

Frederick, Maryland

Even the Gardeners Wear Suits in Connecticut

Angry suit on phone: Listen, I don't care what you think, if you don't think I'm doing a good job, don't fucking ask me to work for you! (pause) No! No! No! I don't care, I'm doing more important things right now! (pause) I'm buying plant food!

CVS
Connecticut


Overheard by: Guy


Categories: Connecticut | Default | Feelings | Food | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Offers and requests | Stores | Suits | Posted 2009-04-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Like a Sleep Number Sex Toy?

Guy, about his job: Right now, we are working on a line where you can make a customized branded dildo to fit your needs.
Woman who just told everyone she is pregnant: That's fantastic!

City Vino Restaurant
Jersey City, New Jersey


Overheard by: entertained witness

...Grandma.

Ghetto lady on cell: Where you at? (pause) Yeah, you better be at work and not out fucking around on me. (pause) You know damn well what the fuck I am talking about, motherfucker! (pause) Bitch, I am making tacos so I gotta get some fucking sour cream. (pause) I said I am making fucking tacos. (pause) Alright, I love you too.

Sun Fresh
Kansas City, Missouri


Overheard by: WesAli


Categories: Default | Feelings | Food | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Missouri | Questions | Women | Words | Posted 2009-04-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So You're Much Rounder

20-something girl to another: You remind me a lot of my old boss. But she was older than you and she got hit by a dump truck.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Karen

What Passes for Raucous Wit, in Britain

Lady on loudspeaker: The train on platform 3 is going to Edgeware Road. The train on platform 4 is for Embankment Station. District Line services are not running between Embankment and Whitechapel. Platform 3 is for Edgeware Road, platform 4 is for Embankment. If you are still on this platform after these trains leave, you are lost and confused and need to find a member of staff.

Earl's Court Station
London
England

As It Says My Big Book Of Things Only Men Are Fired for Saying

Professor to girl walking into class with a large box: Wow, you have such a big package! (entire class starts laughing) I am so getting fired today.

Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts


Overheard by: miao miao


Categories: Class | Compliments | Default | Euphemisms | Jobs & Careers | Massachusetts | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-03-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Speaking Of the Chemistry I Have with Myself...

Organic chemistry professor: Let me show you guys what I like to do in my office, in private.

UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California

It All Started When I Tried to Separate the Laundry...

Preppy teenage girl #1, before Sex and the City movie: Oh! I heard that Jennifer Hewitt is in this movie!
Preppy teenage girl #2: No, it's Jennifer Hudson.
Preppy teenage girl #1: Whats the difference?
Preppy teenage girl #2: Jennifer Hewitt is the white actress who made a CD and can't sing and was in the Garfield movie. Jennifer Hudson is the black girl from American Idol who won an Oscar for that movie with Beyonce.
Preppy teenage girl #1: Are either one of them singing in this movie?
Preppy teenage girl #2: I don't know.
(long pause)
Preppy teenage girl #3
: Speaking of black people, I got in trouble for being racist at work today.


Plano, Texas


Categories: About celebrities | Default | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Movies | Race | Students | Teens | Texas | Posted 2009-02-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If You Get Kidnapped, What Happens to the Child Support, Huh?

Woman to child: I'm not responsible for knowing where you are. It's not my job to watch you. You need to be responsible and know where I'm at.

Aquarium
Atlanta, Georgia


Overheard by: Really?


Categories: Advice | Default | Georgia | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Tourist attractions | Women | Posted 2009-02-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just Like the Queen Of England Has.

20-something #1: Let's get into publishing.
20-something #2: Only if it's porn.
20-something #1: Well, of course.
20-something #2: For women. Graphic pornography for women.
20-something #1: I think they already have that.
20-something #2: Giant diamond encrusted wangs, artfully displayed on wedgewood.

Denver, Colorado


Categories: Colorado | Coworkers | Default | Fashion | Gender issues | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Porn | Posted 2009-02-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Tonight's Lifetime Movie: The Thais That Bi

Asian chick: I'm going to meet my old boss at that Thai restaurant. You know, the one with the woman that feels me up.
Asian dude: Oh, yeah. Aren't all Thai women bisexual?

Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Shringle


Categories: Asians | Default | Geography | Girls | Guys | Jobs & Careers | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2009-01-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

She's Very Victor/Victoria

Friend #1: Now all we need is a transvestite cop.
Friend #2: Don't worry, we have Katie!

Los Angeles, California


Categories: California | Default | Friends | Jobs & Careers | Names | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And I Had Seventeen Ping Pong Balls Ready for Exvagination

Nurse #1: How was your weekend?
Nurse #2: It was great, except Heather* got kind of wild. I mean I've never seen anyone be...first drink they're fine, second drink they're fine, third drink they're naked and pole dancing.
Nurse #1, shaking head: Wow.
Nurse #2: Yeah, it was probably a mistake to go drinking at the bar she used to work at.
Heather*: I don't remember any of it, but when I got home my bra was filled with twenties.

Albany General Hospital
Albany, Oregon


Categories: Clothes | Default | Drinking & drunks | Jobs & Careers | Money | Nurses | Oregon | Women | Posted 2009-01-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Explains Why You Don't Allow Us Bathroom Breaks

Professor to 20-something assistants, about sighting them at a bar: So, I thought I saw you the other night, but I wasn't sure because I thought that all you do is type.

UC Merced
Merced, California


Overheard by: Seriously?

Now Who Wants Ice Cream?

Administrator (mumbling to herself): Maybe I should just fire everyone here. (opens a drawer) Oh, here's my spoon. Okay, maybe everyone can keep their jobs.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: spoon.

Or Dead-- Whichever

Elevator repair man: Hey, I got a call that someone was stuck in the elevator.
Security guard: Yeah, but I haven't heard any more noise from her in like four hours, so I guess she's fine.

Temple University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Tonight on MythBusterBusters

Man wearing 9/11 conspiracy t-shirt to friend: Did I tell you I'm working on debunking the discovery channel?

University of Cincinnati, Ohio

Overheard by: Vejewsbian


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Ohio | Questions | TV shows | Posted 2008-12-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We Still Laugh About It

Guy to friend: So I said to him, "you wanna be a clown and you don't even know who fucking Bozo is?!"

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: phuqmonkey


Categories: Default | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Pop culture | Questions | San Francisco | Wishes | Posted 2008-12-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If She Were a True Psychic, She Wouldn't Have Answered the Phone

(group of teen girls on field trip)
Bored niece
: Hey! Let's call my aunt in California. She's a psychic. (dials phone) Hi, we are bored and thought we'd call and ask you psychic questions.

Bored niece's friend: Ask her what my stage name would be if I became a stripper.

Lake Atlanta Park
Rogers, Arkansas


Overheard by: Yes, I have shoes and all of my teeth.


Categories: Arkansas | Default | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Names | Questions | Posted 2008-12-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...the Kaaba Of All Television

Persian princess: That's why I really want to be into journalism. I think that being somewhere where there's, like, a tsunami or earthquake is really exciting to me...
Horny first date: Yeah, yeah...
Persian princess (breathy pause): I guess I just really want to work for MTV.

Santana Row
San Jose, California


Overheard by: Demitra

Besides, Your Rendition of "Gettin' Juggy With It" Was Not an Appropriate Oral Report

Sociology professor: It takes a sociologist to take the fun out of jugs--but it's a living.

University of Montevallo
Montevallo, Alabama

Would You Just Rob the Fucking Bank, Already?

Bank teller: (nods)
Customer: People have forgotten how to praise the Lord!
Bank teller: (nods)
Customer: Don't complain that you can't find a job! Praise god that there are jobs!

Bank of America
Palm Harbor, Florida


Overheard by: Serena H.

Dear Gays and Lesbians-- Sure You Want This?

Sexy businesswoman on cell: No, I'll be here at the office for at least four or five more hours, honey. Love you. Bye. (sits down at bar next to young man and rubs his crotch) Husband's taken care of.

Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana


Overheard by: Shatmandu


Categories: Default | Indiana | Infidelity | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Malls | On the phone | Suits | Time Management | Women | Posted 2008-12-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Out Shaking Her Balance Sheet on a Friday Night

Teen girl #1: Okay, okay, look at that girl over there.
Teen girl #2: Which one?
Teen girl #1: The one with the short skirt, revealing halter top, and cowboy boots--what do you think of her?
Teen girl #2: I don't know what you're asking.
Teen girl #3: What do you think she does for a living?
Teen girl #2: I don't know, she could be an accountant.

Steak 'n Shake
Springfield, Missouri


Categories: Clothing | Default | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Missouri | Questions | Restaurants | Teens | Posted 2008-11-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just Eat It With a Spoon Like Those Kids in the Bill Cosby Commercials

Guy on mobile: Hi! I just wanted to clear up that whole breastfeeding thing...well, my boss has a one-and-a-half-year-old, and he said there were three stages: a sort of watery stage, then it moves into a semi-skimmed stage, then just pudding. Well, I just found out today and I thought you'd want to know too.

N21 Bus
London
England


Categories: Age and ageing | Bus | Default | England | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Kids | On the phone | Posted 2008-11-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So Many Watershed Moments Happen at Banana Republic

(in the Georgetown Banana Republic)
Girl #1
: I really love this dress, but I think it's a tad too short for work. I'm only supposed to be buying dresses for work right now.

Girl #2: Really? It's not too short for my office. But my boss only hires pretty people, so he likes it when we wear short dresses.
Girl #1: Did you think I'm ugly?
Girl #2: No! Buy the dress and send me your resume.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Ian

On a Totally Unrelated Topic, Care to Come See My "Special Room"?

(Christian brother professor is chewing on the ice of his drink after lunch)
Student
: Hey brother, you know what chewing ice is supposed to signify?

Brother: Yeah...sexual frustration.
Student (chuckling): Yeah.
Brother (shrugging): Occupational hazard.

LaSalle University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania


Overheard by: Well D'uh

What Kind of Landlady Makes Bandana-Wearing a Lease Requirement?

Girl on cell: So, did I tell you? I got fired from my job. (pause) Yeah, I guess I'm not a very good gay and lesbian promoter. (pause) Well I'm not gay, so maybe that had something to do with it. (pause) Oh, didn't you hear? I got kicked out of my apartment last week, too. (pause) Yeah, it's gay.

Redline MAX
Portland, OR


Overheard by: Gus

Why Are These Bills Sticking Together?

Woman: Sorry, I have to pay in singles.
Cashier: That's okay, people do all the time. (asking innocently) Are you a waitress?
Woman: No, honey. My career is a little less wholesome than that.
Cashier: (stutters and looks at her screen) Alright then, your total is $27.45.

Kroger
Cincinnati, Ohio


Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Jobs & Careers | Money | Ohio | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-09-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Even Those Who Didn't Have Much in the Top Department

Girl on phone talking about going to a strip club for the first time: I mean, I really felt bad for those girls, they like, had to dance around topless!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: What did she think strippers did?


Categories: Default | Feelings | Girls | Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2008-09-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And I'm Like, "What Are You, Crazy?"

Crazy homeless dude: One time this guy called the cops and said I was waiving a scalpel above my head. They put me in an institution for 72 hours. I kept trying to explain to them why I had the scalpel, and they just kept telling me I wasn't a doctor.

Berkeley, California

Overheard by: Brooke


Categories: California | Crazies | Default | Homeless | Jobs & Careers | Memory lane | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And We Could Finally Use Pick-up Lines About "Magic Carpet Rides"

Guy #1: Yo, it would be tight to work in a rug store.
Guy #2: Yeah, man. All those different kinds of rugs...

Oakland, California

Overheard by: archidork


Categories: California | Default | Guys | Hair | Jobs & Careers | Vagina | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-08-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

"Ronald Reagan Was Our Greatest President!" Haha!

Professor: Will someone please close the door? I don't want anyone else to hear the stupid things I say. Oh, wait, I have tenure now--I don't care if they hear me saying stupid things!

Georgia State University

If the Whole Prime Minister Thing Doesn't Work Out

Guy #1: Let's become a band of traveling acrobats!
Guy #2: ...yes.

Toronto
Canadia


Categories: Canadia | Default | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Offers and requests | Wishes | Posted 2008-08-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Which I Use for My Other Job

(on a bus passing city jail)
Mom
: Look kids... that's where daddy is.

(pause)
Mom
: I can give you a haircut.

Man: I like the lady who does my hair, she has good mirrors so I can see the back of my head.
Mom: I've got good mirrors. I've got mirrors on the ceiling, too.

Bus
Omaha, Nebraska


Categories: Bus | Default | Family ties | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Moms | Nebraska | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If One of Our Editors Doesn't Beat You to It

Middle aged redneck to cute four-year-old girl: You're just as sharp as your great granddaddy! You're gonna grow up to write about public restrooms in America!

Gas Station
Waco, Texas


Categories: Default | Family ties | Jobs & Careers | Rednecks | Stupidity | Texas | Posted 2008-07-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

See My Rattail?

Man at bar: What do you girls do for a living?
Attractive women: We're in sales, you?
Man: You're in sales? I think you need a career change.
Women: I'm sorry, what do you do?
Man: I'm with the carnival.

Country Bar
Fort Worth, Texas


Categories: Advice | Chicks | Default | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Questions | Restaurants | Strangers | Texas | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-07-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Have You Booked the Labor Day Cage-Dancers Yet?

Teenage girl (matter-of-factly): My sister's friend came over yesterday because it was Memorial Day. You know, because she's a stripper.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: yeah, that makes total sense...

And Was Forced to Read the Congressional Record

Girl: Do you know what a pearl necklace is?
Woman: I didn't learn about any of that shit until I worked on the Senate floor.

Kokomo's
Linglestown, Pennsylvania


Overheard by: M.J.M.


Categories: Default | Etiquette | Fashion | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Questions | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-07-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If I Don't, May God Have Mercy on Your Souls

(the road is closed for Chinese New Year parade)
Bus driver
: Folks, we'll be alright. We're going to take a right on Sansome, a left on Broadway, and a left on Stockton. We'll rejoin the original route at Stockton and Sacramento. Don't worry. Everything will be alright. As long as I still get paid, it's okay.


San Francisco, California


Categories: Bus | Default | Feelings | Jobs & Careers | Money | Public Transportation | San Francisco | Threats | Posted 2008-06-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So If Anyone Requires a Strip-o-Gram...

Law professor: I don't get paid very well at this job. And I need beer money.

SFSU
San Francisco, California


Overheard by: RL

Only with Two More X's

Little girl: Mom, what's a prostitute?
Mother, nervous: Uh, a woman who does extreme cuddling for money.
Little girl: Extreme cuddling X Games?!

Denver, Colorado


Categories: Colorado | Default | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Kids | Moms | Money | Questions | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2008-06-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Graduation Is Such a Sausagefest

Guy to friend, matter-of-factly: You know he's just teaching there for the kielbasa.

Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota

Dude, Just Make an Audio-Visual Geek Your Friend

Music history professor, putting a CD in the player: And now we pray to the god of CDs. It's not good to be a teacher with CDs. They are very stupid things. [Pause.] ...It's not good to be a teacher, perhaps that's what it is.

Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Class | Default | Education | Feelings | God | Gripes | Jobs & Careers | Maryland | Music | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2008-05-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Good Thing Pluto Didn't Hear That

Chocolate store girl: You're a dicksucker. You know that? I mean, why bother with you? You seen my ass, you know I'm good-looking. You're-.
Guy in Goofy costume, muffled: Whatever. There are other tits. I'll be just fine regardless. And just so you know [lowers voice as kids approach] you're gonna get us both fired if you keep this shit up.
Chocolate store girl, loudly: Fuck you, and fuck your fucking ass! I hope you get fired! Then you can go home and suck your asshole!
Guy in Goofy costume, losing it: Better than sucking your ex's dick when you're supposed to be working.
Chocolate store girl, stunned: Who told you that?!
Guy in Goofy costume: Jen, after I fucked her!
[Girl walks into the shop quickly and goes into back room looking like she's going to cry. Goofy goes back to wandering around aimlessly, waving to little kids.]

Disney World
Orlando, Florida


Overheard by: after that, my g/f and i applied for jobs there

Kinda Misleading That His Name's Mario, Though

Teen girl #1: Your dad could be a plumber because of his moustache.
Teen girl #2: My dad doesn't have a moustache.
Teen girl #1: Well I wish he did.
Teen girl #2: Too bad, bitch!

North Bay
Ontario
Canadia


Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Shaving | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sure, Rip Taylor Made A Living Out of It

Student: Is there really a job where you can just throw paper at people and then run away?

Canadia


Categories: Canadia | Jobs & Careers | Questions | Students | Violence | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The National Association of Farmers Convention Can Get Rowdy

Preppie guy: ... And I said, "That's why I trade corn futures!" [Entire table erupts in raucous laughter.]

Ethiopian restaurant, 12th & U
Washington, DC


Overheard by: Ladle


Categories: Bragging | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Preppies | Restaurants | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-05-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

All I Asked Was, "Does That Come with Fries?"

Light-skinned black woman: I'm just saying, I'd have been in the home and not in the fields.

Taco Mac
Atlanta, Georgia


Categories: Black people | Georgia | History | Jobs & Careers | Race | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-05-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Secret Tile Factory

Woman: I had this brother who, like, wanted to be spy so he could speak like speak ten different languages and go on top secret missions and crap like that. Now he works in a tile factory.

Borders
Sunnyvale, California


Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Jobs & Careers | Women | Posted 2008-04-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ms. Coulter Limits Herself to the Republican Party

Woman on cell in bathroom stall: Well, I told them she's only available for parties. She's not just gonna come over and take her clothes off for anybody!

Rehm Pool
Oak Park, Illinois


Overheard by: A Lifeguard


Categories: Default | Illinois | Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Women | Posted 2008-03-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But You Students Are Unwilling to Spread the Word around Campus?

Professor: Even my own mother tells people I'm a drug dealer.

Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com

Dear Diary, The Refined Chitchat Is Still Not Working

Man: Hey, what are you girls doing?
Woman #1, uninterested: Cigarette break.
Man: So, what are you girls up to?
Woman #2: Cigarette break.
Man: So, you girls interested in a threesome?

Central Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts


Categories: Default | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Massachusetts | Smoking | Time Management | Women | Words | Posted 2008-03-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Bought Her at the Adult Store

Man on cell: I don't feel I owe you anything! ... But I didn't even use your service. I found a girlfriend on my own!

Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia


Overheard by: Steve E


Categories: Canadia | Default | Gripes | Guys | Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Relationships | Posted 2008-03-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If He Starts Doing Lipo, That's Marriage Material

30-ish blonde #1: So, what do you think of my date?
30-ish blonde #2: He seems nice... Plus, he's a plastic surgeon!
30-ish blonde #1: Hmmm... I don't really like him. Plus, he only does same day procedures. I'm only dating him for the free Botox.
30-ish blonde #2: I totally understand. I would only date him for free Botox, too.

Ladies' room, The Wilshire
Santa Monica, California


Categories: Beauty | Bimbettes | California | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2008-02-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Her Hit Record is Called "I'm a Mink Carcass-Schlepping Slave 4 U"

Crazy lady wearing only a bra: Well, my daddy says we should take my show on the road. I'm a singer, you know. I'm famous in Eastern Europe.
Dumbfounded drunk girls: Uh-huh... Totally.

Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Kari Nott


Categories: Bragging | Crazies | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Nevada | Posted 2008-02-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Snow White Has Strong Feelings about Little People

Guy #1: If I make a lot of money, I'm gonna hire a dwarf to stand on a stool and help me wash in the shower.
Guy #2: Why couldn't you get a full-sized woman to do that?
Nearby chick: I hope neither of you ever make any money.

Stanford, Connecticut


Categories: Connecticut | Idiots | Jobs & Careers | Stupidity | Posted 2008-02-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When You Can Take the Handicapped Kid's Scissors Away, Grasshopper...

Bimbette: ... You, like, learn to flip people on the mat. My mom knows how to do that. She works with retarded kids and they, like, have come at her with scissors and tried to cut her throat before.
Barista: That doesn't sound like a job I'd want to have.
Bimbette: No, she loves it.

Starbucks
Gaithersburg, Maryland


Overheard by: I just want my mocha, please


Categories: Baristas | Bimbettes | Jobs & Careers | Maryland | Violence | Posted 2008-02-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

... And/Or If You Live in Connecticut

Professor: ... But then he said that maybe drag isn't a great idea before you're tenured.

Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire


Categories: Connecticut | Education | Jobs & Careers | Kink | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But I'd Only Be a Truckstop Ho for Mad Cash

Rich white chick: Fuck, yeah, I'd be a car ho for some sweet cash.

Christchurch, Canterbury
New Zealand


Categories: Bimbettes | Jobs & Careers | New Zealand | Whiteys | Posted 2008-01-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ansel Adams: Worked for Me!

Old man: ... So I tell her, 'Hey, it's healthier than smoking, drinking... banging chicks...' [Old women laugh.] But I could always mix the photography with the banging chicks and make some money on the side...

Panera Bread
Michigan


Overheard by: CDG


Categories: Jobs & Careers | Michigan | Old folks | Posted 2008-01-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We All Do Our Part, Marcia

Black lady on cell: I mean, I'm out here stealing, too! I got a habit to support, too!

33 bus
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania


Categories: Black people | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-12-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I've Got to Put Myself Through College Somehow

First grade girl: It's my job to inform everyone about horse dinkers.

Johnstown, Pennsylvania


Categories: Animals | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Penis | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-12-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Once You Get in, There's Usually Nothing You Want. Like Sex.

Poor college kid #1: So, you used to break into cars?
Poor college kid #2: Yeah.
Poor college kid #1: How was that?

Rochester, New York


Categories: Friends | Gossip | Jobs & Careers | New York | Posted 2007-12-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

NewsFlash: Drive-By Insults on the Rise in Canadia

Crazy hobo: You have pretty hair, unlike mine. My hair is ugly. You're ugly, too. [Chick stares.] I gotta go steal some DVDs now. Bye, ladies!

Downtown Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia


Overheard by: At least he was honest


Categories: Canadia | Hobos | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2007-11-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Well, Her Kids Mend All Her Fishnets

Chick: So, how is the roommate situation?
Dude: It's annoying that she is drunk all of the time. She keeps locking herself out or bringing home random guys.
Chick: Amazing that she still finds the time to be a preschool teacher.

Sacramento, California

Overheard by: state worker


Categories: California | Friends | Gossip | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2007-11-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Want to End Up on the Internet?

Boy #1: I'd never want to be a gynecologist. You'd get so sick of that you'd never want to see one.
Boy #2: Gynos put Vicks under their nose so they don't have to smell it all day.
Boy #3: You are both nasty.
Boy #4: Stop this conversation. My mom is is the next room.

New Jersey


Categories: Guys | Jobs & Careers | New Jersey | Posted 2007-11-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Cardinal of Contempt? The Deacon of Disdain?

Wife: Honey, be nice...
Husband: No, I refuse to be nice. It's against my religion.
Wife: Oh, sure, you should get your own title... Archbishop of Jackass.

Home Depot
Rancho Cucamonga, California


Categories: California | Couples | Etiquette | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2007-11-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Two Utterly Incompatible Professions

Dude: Well, she's not really a stylist. She's actually a belly dancer.

Century City Mall
Los Angeles, California


Overheard by: banging head against escalator


Categories: California | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2007-11-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That or Knitting

Dude: If I wasn't in jail or high, I was working construction.

Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com

Overheard by: jessica


Categories: Guys | Jobs & Careers | Overheard Lines | Posted 2007-10-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Though Sometimes I Daydream about the Former

Man: I'm working with little kids now, you know. I babysit for teachers. At a nursery.
Girl: Oh?
Man: Yeah, I kinda like how the kids are recycled every year... I don't mean, like, cut up and made into new babies, but that I get new ones and the old ones move on.

Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com

Overheard by:


Categories: Guys | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-10-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That Way I Can Put Both of My Talents to Use

Seven-year-old: You can't be a rock star. Everyone wants to be a rock star. You have to be something else.
Six-year-old: Fine! I'll be a fucking barber!

Indianapolis, Indiana


Categories: Indiana | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Posted 2007-10-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So, No Rules, Just Right?

Bartender: So, what do you do?
Girl: I work at the morgue dissecting babies. Y'know, cutting them to get skin samples.
Bartender: Really?
Girl: Yeah. We call it 'the baby grinder.'
Bartender: That's disgusting.
Girl: What's really gross is every time I do it I get really hungry.

Bar
Fitzroy
Australia


Categories: Australia | Bartenders | Creepsters | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2007-10-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's So Hard to Find Cheap Storage in This City

Dominatrix: I don't do anything sexual to my clients. All I do is stick things up their asses.

Street fair
San Francisco, California


Overheard by: Ladle


Categories: Backdoor | California | Chicks | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2007-10-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Kind Bugs Have on Their Heads?

Woman to friend: 'Cause, you know, I feel things. I'm, like, a feeler.

Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com

Overheard by: feelin it!


Categories: Idiots | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-10-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

One Step at a Time

30-year-old: I will be somebody's cum bucket, but I won't be anybody's cum dumpster!

Shout-out: overheardinlosangeles.blogspot.com


Categories: Hoochies | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Los Angeles | Posted 2007-09-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Now Put Your Hand in My Pocket!

Eight-year-old: I got one!
Dad: Reel it in! Keep reeling!
Eight-year-old: Dad, take my hat off! [Dad takes hat off.] Dad, scratch my head!

Irvine Lake
Irvine, California


Overheard by: Sue


Categories: California | Dads | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Posted 2007-09-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Not Politics?

Student: I decided to be a speech communication major because I like to talk a lot, and I wanted to find a way where I could get a job that makes me a lot of money for using my mouth.

San Francisco State University
California


Categories: Jobs & Careers | San Francisco | Students | Posted 2007-08-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Dressing Will Lube My Inner Thighs for the Next Long Ride

Sad dude: The great thing about being a bike courier is that my muscles no longer respond to commands unrelated to bicycling. For instance, I just spilled a Caesar salad all over my pants.

Shout-out: www.overheardquote.com


Categories: Guys | Jobs & Careers | Overheard Quote | Posted 2007-08-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'm an Equal-Opportunity Whore

Hoochie #1: I'm just an attention-whore, not a sex-whore.
Hoochie #2: I think I'm both.

Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts


Overheard by: Meesh


Categories: Hoochies | Jobs & Careers | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-08-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sooner Or Later the Reflexes Start to Go

Hot chick: Trust me, I would know. I'm a retired slut.

Maine

Overheard by: oh really?


Categories: Hoochies | Jobs & Careers | Maine | Posted 2007-08-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But That Was Just because I'm a Bad Driver

Official: What experience do you have?
Job-seeker: I worked for 30 years on a poultry farm killing chickens.
Official: Have you done anything else?
Job-seeker: I killed turkeys.

Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com

Overheard by: o.b.


Categories: Animals | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Overheard Lines | Posted 2007-08-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When You Get Bitten by Something Radioactive

Teen boy to friend: I guess what I'm trying to say is... I really want to be your sidekick.

NCG Cinemas
Lansing, Michigan


Categories: Jobs & Careers | Michigan | Teens | Posted 2007-08-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But Think of the Pay-Per-View Revenue!

Frisbee boy #1: This is what war should be: They should give everyone one Frisbees with razor blades on them and send them into battle.
Frisbee boy #2: You know, you're not going to make a very good physicist if that's your contribution to modern warfare.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: charlie


Categories: Guys | Jobs & Careers | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-07-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No Tuition Payments after High School

Old Jewish lady: ... And what do you want to be when you grow up?
Six-year-old girl: A shampoo girl.
Four-year-old boy: A hooker!
Mother, smoking: I like it when they have low expectations about life.

São Paulo
Brazil


Categories: Brazil | Jobs & Careers | Moms | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-07-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Same Office, Different Doors

Father to daughter: So, she owned a day care center. No wait, an abortion clinic.

South Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania


Categories: Dads | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-07-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

There Really Was No Other Future Envisaged for Moon Unit Zappa

Girl: Yeah, I need to talk to my advisor about changing my major. I want to be a space girl.

University of Texas, Austin's Forty Acres bus
Austin, Texas


Overheard by: an engineer


Categories: Jobs & Careers | Students | Texas | Posted 2007-06-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Unless You Were Ellen Pompeo's Cook

Young topologist: It would be so cool to be a chef, because, like, what you cook would be inside people who eat your food.

Creative Arts High School
St. Paul, Minnesota