Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

And Was Forced to Read the Congressional Record

Girl: Do you know what a pearl necklace is?
Woman: I didn't learn about any of that shit until I worked on the Senate floor.

Kokomo's
Linglestown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: M.J.M.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If I Don't, May God Have Mercy on Your Souls

(the road is closed for Chinese New Year parade)
Bus driver: Folks, we'll be alright. We're going to take a right on Sansome, a left on Broadway, and a left on Stockton. We'll rejoin the original route at Stockton and Sacramento. Don't worry. Everything will be alright. As long as I still get paid, it's okay.

San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So If Anyone Requires a Strip-o-Gram...

Law professor: I don't get paid very well at this job. And I need beer money.

SFSU
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: RL

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Only with Two More X's

Little girl: Mom, what's a prostitute?
Mother, nervous: Uh, a woman who does extreme cuddling for money.
Little girl: Extreme cuddling X Games?!

Denver, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Graduation Is Such a Sausagefest

Guy to friend, matter-of-factly: You know he's just teaching there for the kielbasa.

Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Dude, Just Make an Audio-Visual Geek Your Friend

Music history professor, putting a CD in the player: And now we pray to the god of CDs. It's not good to be a teacher with CDs. They are very stupid things. [Pause.] ...It's not good to be a teacher, perhaps that's what it is.

Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Good Thing Pluto Didn't Hear That

Chocolate store girl: You're a dicksucker. You know that? I mean, why bother with you? You seen my ass, you know I'm good-looking. You're-.
Guy in Goofy costume, muffled: Whatever. There are other tits. I'll be just fine regardless. And just so you know [lowers voice as kids approach] you're gonna get us both fired if you keep this shit up.
Chocolate store girl, loudly: Fuck you, and fuck your fucking ass! I hope you get fired! Then you can go home and suck your asshole!
Guy in Goofy costume, losing it: Better than sucking your ex's dick when you're supposed to be working.
Chocolate store girl, stunned: Who told you that?!
Guy in Goofy costume: Jen, after I fucked her!
[Girl walks into the shop quickly and goes into back room looking like she's going to cry. Goofy goes back to wandering around aimlessly, waving to little kids.]

Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: after that, my g/f and i applied for jobs there

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Kinda Misleading That His Name's Mario, Though

Teen girl #1: Your dad could be a plumber because of his moustache.
Teen girl #2: My dad doesn't have a moustache.
Teen girl #1: Well I wish he did.
Teen girl #2: Too bad, bitch!

North Bay
Ontario
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Sure, Rip Taylor Made A Living Out of It

Student: Is there really a job where you can just throw paper at people and then run away?

Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The National Association of Farmers Convention Can Get Rowdy

Preppie guy: ... And I said, "That's why I trade corn futures!" [Entire table erupts in raucous laughter.]

Ethiopian restaurant, 12th & U
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Ladle

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

All I Asked Was, "Does That Come with Fries?"

Light-skinned black woman: I'm just saying, I'd have been in the home and not in the fields.

Taco Mac
Atlanta, Georgia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

A Secret Tile Factory

Woman: I had this brother who, like, wanted to be spy so he could speak like speak ten different languages and go on top secret missions and crap like that. Now he works in a tile factory.

Borders
Sunnyvale, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Ms. Coulter Limits Herself to the Republican Party

Woman on cell in bathroom stall: Well, I told them she's only available for parties. She's not just gonna come over and take her clothes off for anybody!

Rehm Pool
Oak Park, Illinois

Overheard by: A Lifeguard

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But You Students Are Unwilling to Spread the Word around Campus?

Professor: Even my own mother tells people I'm a drug dealer.

Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Dear Diary, The Refined Chitchat Is Still Not Working

Man: Hey, what are you girls doing?
Woman #1, uninterested: Cigarette break.
Man: So, what are you girls up to?
Woman #2: Cigarette break.
Man: So, you girls interested in a threesome?

Central Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Bought Her at the Adult Store

Man on cell: I don't feel I owe you anything! ... But I didn't even use your service. I found a girlfriend on my own!

Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: Steve E

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If He Starts Doing Lipo, That's Marriage Material

30-ish blonde #1: So, what do you think of my date?
30-ish blonde #2: He seems nice... Plus, he's a plastic surgeon!
30-ish blonde #1: Hmmm... I don't really like him. Plus, he only does same day procedures. I'm only dating him for the free Botox.
30-ish blonde #2: I totally understand. I would only date him for free Botox, too.

Ladies' room, The Wilshire
Santa Monica, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Her Hit Record is Called "I'm a Mink Carcass-Schlepping Slave 4 U"

Crazy lady wearing only a bra: Well, my daddy says we should take my show on the road. I'm a singer, you know. I'm famous in Eastern Europe.
Dumbfounded drunk girls: Uh-huh... Totally.

Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Kari Nott

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Snow White Has Strong Feelings about Little People

Guy #1: If I make a lot of money, I'm gonna hire a dwarf to stand on a stool and help me wash in the shower.
Guy #2: Why couldn't you get a full-sized woman to do that?
Nearby chick: I hope neither of you ever make any money.

Stanford, Connecticut

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

When You Can Take the Handicapped Kid's Scissors Away, Grasshopper...

Bimbette: ... You, like, learn to flip people on the mat. My mom knows how to do that. She works with retarded kids and they, like, have come at her with scissors and tried to cut her throat before.
Barista: That doesn't sound like a job I'd want to have.
Bimbette: No, she loves it.

Starbucks
Gaithersburg, Maryland

Overheard by: I just want my mocha, please

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

... And/Or If You Live in Connecticut

Professor: ... But then he said that maybe drag isn't a great idea before you're tenured.

Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But I'd Only Be a Truckstop Ho for Mad Cash

Rich white chick: Fuck, yeah, I'd be a car ho for some sweet cash.

Christchurch, Canterbury
New Zealand

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Ansel Adams: Worked for Me!

Old man: ... So I tell her, 'Hey, it's healthier than smoking, drinking... banging chicks...' [Old women laugh.] But I could always mix the photography with the banging chicks and make some money on the side...

Panera Bread
Michigan

Overheard by: CDG

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We All Do Our Part, Marcia

Black lady on cell: I mean, I'm out here stealing, too! I got a habit to support, too!

33 bus
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I've Got to Put Myself Through College Somehow

First grade girl: It's my job to inform everyone about horse dinkers.

Johnstown, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Once You Get in, There's Usually Nothing You Want. Like Sex.

Poor college kid #1: So, you used to break into cars?
Poor college kid #2: Yeah.
Poor college kid #1: How was that?

Rochester, New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

NewsFlash: Drive-By Insults on the Rise in Canadia

Crazy hobo: You have pretty hair, unlike mine. My hair is ugly. You're ugly, too. [Chick stares.] I gotta go steal some DVDs now. Bye, ladies!

Downtown Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: At least he was honest

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Well, Her Kids Mend All Her Fishnets

Chick: So, how is the roommate situation?
Dude: It's annoying that she is drunk all of the time. She keeps locking herself out or bringing home random guys.
Chick: Amazing that she still finds the time to be a preschool teacher.

Sacramento, California

Overheard by: state worker

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You Want to End Up on the Internet?

Boy #1: I'd never want to be a gynecologist. You'd get so sick of that you'd never want to see one.
Boy #2: Gynos put Vicks under their nose so they don't have to smell it all day.
Boy #3: You are both nasty.
Boy #4: Stop this conversation. My mom is is the next room.

New Jersey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Cardinal of Contempt? The Deacon of Disdain?

Wife: Honey, be nice...
Husband: No, I refuse to be nice. It's against my religion.
Wife: Oh, sure, you should get your own title... Archbishop of Jackass.

Home Depot
Rancho Cucamonga, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Two Utterly Incompatible Professions

Dude: Well, she's not really a stylist. She's actually a belly dancer.

Century City Mall
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: banging head against escalator

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That or Knitting

Dude: If I wasn't in jail or high, I was working construction.

Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com

Overheard by: jessica

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Though Sometimes I Daydream about the Former

Man: I'm working with little kids now, you know. I babysit for teachers. At a nursery.
Girl: Oh?
Man: Yeah, I kinda like how the kids are recycled every year... I don't mean, like, cut up and made into new babies, but that I get new ones and the old ones move on.

Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com

Overheard by:

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That Way I Can Put Both of My Talents to Use

Seven-year-old: You can't be a rock star. Everyone wants to be a rock star. You have to be something else.
Six-year-old: Fine! I'll be a fucking barber!

Indianapolis, Indiana

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So, No Rules, Just Right?

Bartender: So, what do you do?
Girl: I work at the morgue dissecting babies. Y'know, cutting them to get skin samples.
Bartender: Really?
Girl: Yeah. We call it 'the baby grinder.'
Bartender: That's disgusting.
Girl: What's really gross is every time I do it I get really hungry.

Bar
Fitzroy
Australia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It's So Hard to Find Cheap Storage in This City

Dominatrix: I don't do anything sexual to my clients. All I do is stick things up their asses.

Street fair
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Ladle

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Kind Bugs Have on Their Heads?

Woman to friend: 'Cause, you know, I feel things. I'm, like, a feeler.

Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com

Overheard by: feelin it!

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

One Step at a Time

30-year-old: I will be somebody's cum bucket, but I won't be anybody's cum dumpster!

Shout-out: overheardinlosangeles.blogspot.com

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Now Put Your Hand in My Pocket!

Eight-year-old: I got one!
Dad: Reel it in! Keep reeling!
Eight-year-old: Dad, take my hat off! [Dad takes hat off.] Dad, scratch my head!

Irvine Lake
Irvine, California

Overheard by: Sue

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Why Not Politics?

Student: I decided to be a speech communication major because I like to talk a lot, and I wanted to find a way where I could get a job that makes me a lot of money for using my mouth.

San Francisco State University
California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Dressing Will Lube My Inner Thighs for the Next Long Ride

Sad dude: The great thing about being a bike courier is that my muscles no longer respond to commands unrelated to bicycling. For instance, I just spilled a Caesar salad all over my pants.

Shout-out: www.overheardquote.com

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'm an Equal-Opportunity Whore

Hoochie #1: I'm just an attention-whore, not a sex-whore.
Hoochie #2: I think I'm both.

Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Meesh

<