Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

...Whilst Avoiding Useful Work

Cashier #1: Hey, did you put all those resumes from today with the other pile?
Cashier #2: Oh. Um, I didn't think we were actually hiring, so I might have thrown them out.

London
Canadia

Overheard by: I'm not applying here

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So Being Gay Might Be the Only Cool Thing He Has Going for Him

30-something gay man to friend: I don't know if he is gay or not, but he worked at Starbucks and he had a lisp.

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: Peter Piper

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Why Would I Wipe It Off?

Suit: So yeah, I found out how my boss's boss takes his tea, and I took him a cup this morning, along with a muffin.
Non-suit: And did you remember to take a napkin to wipe his feces from your nose?

London
England

Overheard by: Eastender

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

At Least Death Has a Job in This Economy.

Imaginative little boy to brother: That's evil's house, and then death comes walking out of it and he's like, "I hate my job." And then he accidentally taps his wife on the head and is like, "noooo!"

London
England

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Hopefully You'll Have Fewer Trackmarks.

Seven-year-old: Mommy, why is that man going under the train?
40-something woman: Because, sweetie, he works there.
Seven-year-old: He works under the train?
40-something woman: Yes, sweetie.
Seven-year-old: When I get older I wanna work under a train.
40-something woman: Nice, maybe you can pay for my funeral. Not like your older brother...

Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Malina

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That's Not a Nice Way to Talk About the Bravo Network.

Eight-year-old boy to eight-year-old girl: You have to go to college! Otherwise you'll have to work in the poop factory!
Eight-year-old girl: There's no such thing as the poop factory!
Six-year-old brother: Yes there is! Remember?

Portland, Oregon

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Translation: Top That, Motherfucker!

Amherst girl to Dartmouth guy, discussing Hillel dinners at Harvard: I turned down a position at Massachusetts General Hospital because they don't have squash courts.

Commuter Rail Train
Boston, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'm All, "Fuck the Planet, Let's Party!"

Guy: Trust me, I'm a gay scientist!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Because I Won't Make That Mistake Again.

Student, during class: Are we talking about real prostitutes or a guy who duct tapes everything back and puts a skirt on?

Stockton College
New Jersey

Overheard by: Charlie

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And I'm Washing It Down with Laxatives!

Model scout, handing out card to hot tall teen: I know you're probably modeling already, but take my card anyway.
Shorter teen girl to friend, after scout has left: Fuck you. The only reason he gave you his card instead of me was because I'm eating a cookie. But it's the only thing I've had to eat today!

Starbucks
Studio City, California

Overheard by: Urz

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

To Be Fair, at Least She Won't Be a Cop.

Fat female student: I'm thirty-eight years old with a criminal justice degree, and I still can't find nothin' to do in this valley. Nobody's hirin', nothin'.
Skinny female student: Couldn't you just be a cop?
Fat female student: I can't be a cop. They give me a badge an' a gun, I'd be shootin' at fags and wetbacks. I mean, in this day in age... Not to be rude or anything...

Bookstore
West Virginia University

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...On the Internet, I Met Someone Who Was All Three!

Girl #1: You should stop meeting guys off the internet so much. They're creepy.
Girl #2: The internet is the best place to meet people. I met a rapist at a job interview, a pimp at the airport, and a pedophile at church.

Norman, Oklahoma

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If They Don't Perform, You Can Eat Them

Middle-aged guy to 20-something girl: You could hire chickens, they're not union!

BART
San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Have You Read The Protocols Of the Elders Of Annapolis?

Guy on phone: No I'll never join the navy. (pause) Because me joining the navy would be like Hitler joining the Jewish church!

Detroit, Michigan

Overheard by: Kapti

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...With a Preference for Manila Sex

Out-of-towner: I like being paid in envelopes; it makes me feel like a prostitute.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Jonathan

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Featuring a Bottomless Cup Of Coffee

Girl: Yeah, I work at Show Me's. It's like Hooters, only sluttier.

Albuquerque, New Mexico

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Wanting to Make Something Of Themselves

Ditzy girl #1: Like, I love her... but she's just so dumb.
Ditzy girl #2: I know! I mean, she wants to take the MCAT. I don't understand that kind of people.

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...In the Soft Porn Industry

Pretty hipster to hipster friend with iPhone: Danny! Stop taking pictures of random girls!
Hipster friend with iPhone: I can't help it, I need them for my work...

Elkhart, Indiana

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...When I Asked Them to Unplug the Faxierphone.

Ditzy new student: People don't think I'm smart. But I just don't, like, like big words. I don't use them. I used one of them once at work and no one knew what I was talking about!

University of South Australia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Won't That Hurt?

Middle aged woman to another: I swear, they're going to make us work till we're Protestant!

Cork
Ireland

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And They Pay Me for It!

20-something girl: I love hairdressing, it's the best job. I get to talk about me all day long to everybody!

City Bus
Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: Rose

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Dude, When You Go to Work You're Totally Gonna Shit

High school freshman #1: Sometimes I wish I didn't live somewhere so industrialized. Why can't I live somewhere where people are hunters and gatherers?
High school freshman #2: I know, we waste so much time in school getting an "education." I could learn so much more out in the world.
High school freshman #1: Yeah, and I don't understand why people go to work and shit.

Train Station
Chicago, Illinois

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Like Hitler Did

20-something boy: I think I am dropping out of college?
20-something girl: So? What are you going to do then?
20-something boy: Become an artist.
20-something girl: And do what?
20-something boy: Paint some shit and get paid for that.

Camden Market
London
England

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Where I'll Never Have to Deal with Harassment!

Blonde, busty college student, to professor: I don't have to take this! I can get a job at Hooters!

Virginia

Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Taste-Testing Jawbreakers Is a Lot More Difficult Than My Old Job Of Sucking Cock

Man on cell: Well, yeah, I think it was worth it, considering how much money I made... (pause) Well, my mouth really hurts, and I think I need some antibiotics.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: i swear this is not made up

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You May Be Overqualified, Sir

Leather-clad 30-something man applying for job at sandwich shop: I'm not only a musician, I'm also a martial artist!

Grand Rapids, Michigan

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Sounds Almost As Cool As Our Job.

Woman on cell: I'm coming to LA to make 100 Egyptian army uniforms, then I'm going back.

International Airport
El Paso, Texas

Overheard by: V

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Just Like They Taught Us at Harvard Business School

Middle-aged woman on cell: Unless he doubles my salary, I'm not sleeping with him.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by:

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Casting Agents Get More Like Pimps Every Day

Girl on cell: Look, fine, then if you don't want Lucy Liu I'll hook you up with her sister. Then you can have two for one!

Film Class
Queen's University
Canadia

Overheard by: Umm can I get in on that?

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'm Sure Those Of You in Sororities Know Exactly What I'm Talking About

Professor: In the work-a-day world we work a lot through our mouth.

Grand Rapids, Michigan

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Building the Giant Freeze-Ray Will Probably Take Most Of the Morning

20-something man: Oh, man, we've got a really full day tomorrow. We have to freeze all that tomato sauce we made.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: Jon

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In That It's Entirely Made Up

Guy #1: My boss, who's a Shaolin monk, told me if I saved his school, he'd pay off my loans. He was like "I pay off 1.5 million dollar debt!" and then, for a while, I was dealing with the Russian mafia, so I've been pretty busy.
Guy #2: Man... Your life is like a movie. It's like Karate Kid 15 or something.

Tulane University
New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: iwouldtotallywatchthatmovie

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Crap You Write Proves You Don't Listen to Me

Professor: My job is pretty sweet. All I have to do is show up and talk about something I'm interested in. How sweet is that? It would be even better if I didn't hate all of you.

Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But That Doesn't Mean I'll Tolerate Flogging and Spanking in My Class

Music teacher: Tenors like to dominate.

School
Western Australia
Australia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Or Was That the Time I Was Temporarily Decapitated?

40-something suit #1: So you remember when I was dying of melanoma?
40-something suit #2: Is that when you couldn't go on the golf trip with the boss?
40-something suit #1: Yes, that was it!

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: MilwaukeeBabe

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Or High School Guidance Counselor.

Blonde girl to boyfriend: I think I'd make a good drug addict.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: uhh

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'll Stick to My Placenta Face-Cream, Thank You Very Much

Male wedding-goer to female wedding-goer: Oh, you guys work here? Excellent! My sister's husband, oh, I mean my brother-in-law, sells semen. Bull semen.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: best pick-up line ever

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Dropping Off Her Kids Again?

Older woman on phone: June* is in jail right now, but she'll be into work a little later.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: o_o

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

My Childhood Dream Is Finally Coming True!

Girl to friend: Like, oh my god! I just got mistaken for a sales clerk at freakin' Levi's!

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: seastardodell

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Just Really Effeminate Little Boys with Long, Flowing Hair

Mother, queuing at nativity play: Well, of course, she was disappointed to be a shepherd. I mean, children are smart these days. She knows full well there weren't any female shepherds back then.

Milton Keynes
England

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Eventually Re-Tell It in the Feature Film What's Glove Got to Do with It?

Girl to female friend: Yes, if I get the job at the CDC I will celebrate your chlamydia as an inspirational story.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Ian

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

A Nightmare I Thought Had Ended in the Mid-90's

Mother: Hey, you could get a job at Build-A-Bear.
Exasperated daughter: No I couldn't, they have to wear khaki pants and denim shirts.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: what?s wrong with that?

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And You Know the Company Bylaws

Male Wal-Mart employee to female coworker: Come on, what's your problem? (smiles at her)
Female coworker: I can't smile. I work here.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: A. Lil

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

What About Those Three Other Kids?

Six-year-old girl: Are you doing your job?
Lifeguard: Are you drowning?
Six-year-old girl: No.
Lifeguard: Then I'm doing my job.

Kiddie Pool
Great Neck, New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And, If You're at All Interested, Napoleon's in the Supply Closet.

Employee #1: It's been such a slow day. I feel like I've been here forever.
Employee #2: I know, right?
Employee #1: How about you? Today been slow for you too?
Employee #3: Nope. I discovered time travel.

Hardware Store
Agoura Hills, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

For Some Reason, It Rarely Happens the Other Way Around

College girl, surprised: You went on a blind date last night?
College boy: Yeah, she was nice. She's gonna be a nurse.
Sketchy friend: Dude, that's awesome! Y'know, nurses make the best porn stars.

Coffeeshop
Burlington, Vermont

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Government Job?

Woman on cell: Yeah, I'm on my way to work. I gotta stop for cigarettes and a cocktail.

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: aaron

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

She's Worried I'll Don Their Gay Apparel

Teenage scene girl: I'm going to American Apparel to apply for a job.
Friend: Do you think you'll get the job?
Teenage scene girl: Yeah, but I don't think my mom will let me.
Friend: Why?
Teenage scene girl: There are lesbians there.

McDonald's
Manhattan, New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

This Lecture Would Be Protected Under Attorney-Client Privilege

Professor: In a year or two, you're going to graduate and have to face the hard decision about what to do with your life. Some of you will be lawyers, some of you will be engineers, and some of you will opt for a life of crime. When you do, and you get caught, roll over on the person you're caught with, and ask for absolute immunity. I hope you don't choose a life of crime, but if you do, at least be smart about it.

Pre-law Class
USC

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Has Legally Blonde Ruined the Profession? Discuss.

Professor: When thinking about a case, you have to start by listing all the parties. You go, "We are the plaintiffs, the mighty, mighty plaintiffs..."

Law School
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: MaggieB

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Too Late.

Man to friends: I think I'm finally gonna quit my job and write the sitcom I've always wanted to, about the sassy robot.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Ian

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Unless You Could Find Some Cute Coveralls

Blonde teenage girl #1: If I don't get asked to prom I might just drop out of school and become a mechanic.
Blonde teenage girl #2: I know... that would suck.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: high school

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

A Bravo TV Contestant!

School counselor, trying to get kids to guess a career: This person might work in fashion, or decorate houses...
Fourth grader: A gay guy!

Raleigh, North Carolina

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

An Inflatable Friend

Old guy to friend: He got a new girl who works in the sex industry... and you know his fantasy has always been two women. I told him it'd never happen, but apparently it did. His girl has a friend who was willing to play along...

Holland, Michigan

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But I'm Sure You'll Locate Your Suitcase-- Bwahaha!

Passenger trying to find lost baggage: Excuse me! Do you work for United?
Airline steward: No! Oh no! Thank god!

P.E. Trudeau Airport
Montreal
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Right Next to Our TA

Communications professor: There are no stupid questions. If you have a question, that means you don't understand something. If you don't ask the question you will be behind for the day, for the week, semester, and the rest of your life. You will find yourself sucking cheap wine out of a paper bag and sleeping on a grate.

Washington State University
Pullman, Washington

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Another Casualty Of the "Math Is Hard" Barbie

Girl to friend: I was like "whatever, bitch! You're not even a real registered nurse. Like you'll be working full time in a doctor's office making $20 an hour, and I'll be a real nurse making $20,000 a year."

Texas State University

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Who Knew That Would Ever Turn Out to Be a Bad Idea?

Woman #1: Do you want to become a judge?
Woman #2: No way!
Woman #1: Why not?
Woman #2: I have too many naked photos on the internet out there of me!

Coffee Shop
Salt Lake City

Overheard by: Snazzy

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Underground. On Mars.

30-something large man: That book by George Orwell, 1984, is a prophecy!
Skinny guy sitting next to him: Yeah, yeah, man.
30-something large man: Because in 1985, the government took over, and they were the ones selling all the crack and dope. I would know. I was working for them.

Transit Bus
Olympia, Washington

Overheard by: scooting farther away

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Maybe a Blowjob or Two

Black teen employee to teen girl employee: Some of these people, they want to get to know you and make a connection, and I'm like, "man, I don't want to be your friend, I just want to give you a towel."

Marino Center
Boston, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That's True Of Any Cop, Though.

Boy: I should be a rent-a-cop.
Girl #1, laughing: You'd be the least believable rent-a-cop ever.
Girl #2: Yeah, they might mistake you for a gay stripper.

Tempe, Arizona

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Whole Thing Smacks Of Effort

Hipster chick to hipster dude: If you could do any profession, what would you do? Like, if you gave your whole self to something?
Hipster dude: I don't know.
Hipster girl: I would be a tree surgeon.
Hipster dude: What's that?
Hipster girl: Like, it's an environmental way to trim trees. I would go around climbing trees all day and snipping them, and like, live in the forest. But I probably won't do that.
Hipster dude: Oh.

Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Do You Do, Uh, Blown Glass?

Old Polish lady, bitching about price of handmade jewelry: So you're paying for the hand job and not the stone?

Bethlehem, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Presenting, the Deepest Person at Banana Republic.

Aspiring fashionista: What if I die today and regret that I never dressed up all the time? But if I worked at Banana Republic, I'd be forced to dress up.

BART Train
Berkeley, California

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Why Law & Order Doesn't Take Place in San Francisco

Young Asian cop easing old Asian man out of police car: My first day on the beat and already I'm finding out about and busting illegal Mahjong parlors! I didn't know they existed!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: McF

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Unlike Your Tasseled Loafers.

Hobo: You ever model?
Cute Asian guy: Uh, no.
Hobo: You should think about it. You have nice cheekbones. But definitely go with an agency.
Cute Asian guy: Okay. (awkward pause)
Hobo: By the way, this is man-to-man. This isn't no gay shit!

Chicago, Illinois

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Further Evidence That Missouri Loves Company

Middle aged man power-walking with friend in the park: I wake up, I drink, and I smoke. Then, I go to work, come home, and drink and then smoke. You wanna know why I do this?
Friend: Why?
Middle aged man: I'm fucking depressed, that's why. So I wake up and do it all over again the next day.

Forest Park
St. Louis, Missouri

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Probably Not Abortion Doctors.

Student on phone: Did you know doctors get fifty percent off of Domino's pizzas?

University of Sussex Campus
England

Overheard by: Zaney

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

No One Has Problems Like I Do!

Teary-eyed teen: But I don't wanna work...I wanna go to Istanbul!

Palmer, Alaska

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So Why Would You Want to Be a Middle-School Nurse?

Tall woman on cell: It's not like I wanted to do it either, but sometimes you just have to grab her, spread her legs, and shove the tampon in there. I mean it's part of the job after all.

Dayton, Ohio

Overheard by: I hope she gets hazard pay!

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

QED, Girlfriend

Young woman #1: How much time do I waste studying that I could be working out?
Young woman #2: I'd rather be skinny than smart.

Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...But Who's Up for Porn Instead Of a Lecture Today?

Professor: I am so not professional...

Rowan University
Glassboro, New Jersey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Now It's My Turn to Say Something About Cavity Searches

Security: What are you studying?
Girl checking books in X-ray machine: Proper oral technique.
Security: (snickers)
Girl: Dentistry!
Security: Oh.

Airpot
Newcastle
England

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

My Autobiography Features Some Great Tips.

Chick to cop interrupting honor students' discussion: Oh, um, we were just talking about how we would cover up a murder.
Cop, laughing: Oh, you would not believe how many times I've heard that...

Metro State College
Denver, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Every Presentation Was Brought to Us by the Letter "O"

Chick: I was in your area during lunch and thought about asking you to meet me for a quickie.
Dude: What the fuck? And you didn't, because...?
Chick: I had to drive some coworkers back to the city. Wasn't sure what to do with them while we copulated.
Dude: Do what my parents did, sit them down in front of the tv, turn on Sesame Street and turn it up!

Conshohocken, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Judge Me When You've Walked a Mile in My G-String, Okay?

Stripper, yelling at boyfriend: You don't have to shave your vagina everyday to get tips from bald, fifty-year-old men!

Lincoln, Nebraska

Overheard by: late night studier

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

My Mother Always Said I Married a Piece Of Trash

Neighbor, talking about busy husband: Yeah, he may take Monday off just to decompose.

Burke, Virginia

Overheard by: Jimmy C

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Like Babies Do

Writer: That guy is so small he could get a job as a stunt midget.
Illustrator: Is that a real profession? I would have thought they did their own stunts.

Greenville Airport
Texas

Overheard by: Mike

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If You've Ever Waited Weeks for Grades, You'll Understand the Applause

Professor, throwing exams on desk the day after taking them: I graded all of these. I want applause.
(class applauds)

UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Moving on to the Case Of Muffet V. Spider...

Father to son in stroller: Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall; Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; Humpty Dumpty hired a great lawyer; Humpty Dumpty sued the pants of the wall maker.

K Street
Washington, DC

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We Fear You Lack the Brainpower to Be an Effective Stripper

Teacher, explaining sign up sheet: So, where it says "What are your plans?" You need to just put something like "Doctor," "lawyer," etc.
Blonde in back, whispering to girl next to her: Girl, I'm putting down "stripper," then all of my classes will be in the humanities building!

College Orientation
Washington State Community College

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Get That Hannah Montana Ringtone I've Been Wanting

Hipster boy: So, are you doing that post-bac pre-med thing?
Hipster girl: I dunno...I don't really know what I wanna do.
Hipster boy: Really, you don't wanna do medicine anymore?
Hipster girl: I dunno, I wish I could like, win the lottery. Then I'd go to like, Ghana, and just save people.

NYU Elevator

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Notice the Bite Marks on My Shoulder

Girl: Kelly from work just texted me.
Guy: She's the really nice one, right?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Who's the one who's not nice?
Girl: Everyone else.

Frederick, Maryland

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Even the Gardeners Wear Suits in Connecticut

Angry suit on phone: Listen, I don't care what you think, if you don't think I'm doing a good job, don't fucking ask me to work for you! (pause) No! No! No! I don't care, I'm doing more important things right now! (pause) I'm buying plant food!

CVS
Connecticut

Overheard by: Guy

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Like a Sleep Number Sex Toy?

Guy, about his job: Right now, we are working on a line where you can make a customized branded dildo to fit your needs.
Woman who just told everyone she is pregnant: That's fantastic!

City Vino Restaurant
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: entertained witness

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Grandma.

Ghetto lady on cell: Where you at? (pause) Yeah, you better be at work and not out fucking around on me. (pause) You know damn well what the fuck I am talking about, motherfucker! (pause) Bitch, I am making tacos so I gotta get some fucking sour cream. (pause) I said I am making fucking tacos. (pause) Alright, I love you too.

Sun Fresh
Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: WesAli

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So You're Much Rounder

20-something girl to another: You remind me a lot of my old boss. But she was older than you and she got hit by a dump truck.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Karen

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

What Passes for Raucous Wit, in Britain

Lady on loudspeaker: The train on platform 3 is going to Edgeware Road. The train on platform 4 is for Embankment Station. District Line services are not running between Embankment and Whitechapel. Platform 3 is for Edgeware Road, platform 4 is for Embankment. If you are still on this platform after these trains leave, you are lost and confused and need to find a member of staff.

Earl's Court Station
London
England

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

As It Says My Big Book Of Things Only Men Are Fired for Saying

Professor to girl walking into class with a large box: Wow, you have such a big package! (entire class starts laughing) I am so getting fired today.

Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: miao miao

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Speaking Of the Chemistry I Have with Myself...

Organic chemistry professor: Let me show you guys what I like to do in my office, in private.

UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It All Started When I Tried to Separate the Laundry...

Preppy teenage girl #1, before Sex and the City movie: Oh! I heard that Jennifer Hewitt is in this movie!
Preppy teenage girl #2: No, it's Jennifer Hudson.
Preppy teenage girl #1: Whats the difference?
Preppy teenage girl #2: Jennifer Hewitt is the white actress who made a CD and can't sing and was in the Garfield movie. Jennifer Hudson is the black girl from American Idol who won an Oscar for that movie with Beyonce.
Preppy teenage girl #1: Are either one of them singing in this movie?
Preppy teenage girl #2: I don't know.
(long pause)
Preppy teenage girl #3: Speaking of black people, I got in trouble for being racist at work today.

Plano, Texas

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If You Get Kidnapped, What Happens to the Child Support, Huh?

Woman to child: I'm not responsible for knowing where you are. It's not my job to watch you. You need to be responsible and know where I'm at.

Aquarium
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Really?

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Just Like the Queen Of England Has.

20-something #1: Let's get into publishing.
20-something #2: Only if it's porn.
20-something #1: Well, of course.
20-something #2: For women. Graphic pornography for women.
20-something #1: I think they already have that.
20-something #2: Giant diamond encrusted wangs, artfully displayed on wedgewood.

Denver, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Tonight's Lifetime Movie: The Thais That Bi

Asian chick: I'm going to meet my old boss at that Thai restaurant. You know, the one with the woman that feels me up.
Asian dude: Oh, yeah. Aren't all Thai women bisexual?

Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Shringle

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

She's Very Victor/Victoria

Friend #1: Now all we need is a transvestite cop.
Friend #2: Don't worry, we have Katie!

Los Angeles, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And I Had Seventeen Ping Pong Balls Ready for Exvagination

Nurse #1: How was your weekend?
Nurse #2: It was great, except Heather* got kind of wild. I mean I've never seen anyone be...first drink they're fine, second drink they're fine, third drink they're naked and pole dancing.
Nurse #1, shaking head: Wow.
Nurse #2: Yeah, it was probably a mistake to go drinking at the bar she used to work at.
Heather*: I don't remember any of it, but when I got home my bra was filled with twenties.

Albany General Hospital
Albany, Oregon

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Explains Why You Don't Allow Us Bathroom Breaks

Professor to 20-something assistants, about sighting them at a bar: So, I thought I saw you the other night, but I wasn't sure because I thought that all you do is type.

UC Merced
Merced, California

Overheard by: Seriously?

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Now Who Wants Ice Cream?

Administrator (mumbling to herself): Maybe I should just fire everyone here. (opens a drawer) Oh, here's my spoon. Okay, maybe everyone can keep their jobs.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: spoon.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Or Dead-- Whichever

Elevator repair man: Hey, I got a call that someone was stuck in the elevator.
Security guard: Yeah, but I haven't heard any more noise from her in like four hours, so I guess she's fine.

Temple University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Tonight on MythBusterBusters

Man wearing 9/11 conspiracy t-shirt to friend: Did I tell you I'm working on debunking the discovery channel?

University of Cincinnati, Ohio

Overheard by: Vejewsbian

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We Still Laugh About It

Guy to friend: So I said to him, "you wanna be a clown and you don't even know who fucking Bozo is?!"

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: phuqmonkey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If She Were a True Psychic, She Wouldn't Have Answered the Phone

(group of teen girls on field trip)
Bored niece: Hey! Let's call my aunt in California. She's a psychic. (dials phone) Hi, we are bored and thought we'd call and ask you psychic questions.
Bored niece's friend: Ask her what my stage name would be if I became a stripper.

Lake Atlanta Park
Rogers, Arkansas

Overheard by: Yes, I have shoes and all of my teeth.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...the Kaaba Of All Television

Persian princess: That's why I really want to be into journalism. I think that being somewhere where there's, like, a tsunami or earthquake is really exciting to me...
Horny first date: Yeah, yeah...
Persian princess (breathy pause): I guess I just really want to work for MTV.

Santana Row
San Jose, California

Overheard by: Demitra

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Besides, Your Rendition of "Gettin' Juggy With It" Was Not an Appropriate Oral Report

Sociology professor: It takes a sociologist to take the fun out of jugs--but it's a living.

University of Montevallo
Montevallo, Alabama

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Would You Just Rob the Fucking Bank, Already?

Bank teller: (nods)
Customer: People have forgotten how to praise the Lord!
Bank teller: (nods)
Customer: Don't complain that you can't find a job! Praise god that there are jobs!

Bank of America
Palm Harbor, Florida

Overheard by: Serena H.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Dear Gays and Lesbians-- Sure You Want This?

Sexy businesswoman on cell: No, I'll be here at the office for at least four or five more hours, honey. Love you. Bye. (sits down at bar next to young man and rubs his crotch) Husband's taken care of.

Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Out Shaking Her Balance Sheet on a Friday Night

Teen girl #1: Okay, okay, look at that girl over there.
Teen girl #2: Which one?
Teen girl #1: The one with the short skirt, revealing halter top, and cowboy boots--what do you think of her?
Teen girl #2: I don't know what you're asking.
Teen girl #3: What do you think she does for a living?
Teen girl #2: I don't know, she could be an accountant.

Steak 'n Shake
Springfield, Missouri

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Just Eat It With a Spoon Like Those Kids in the Bill Cosby Commercials

Guy on mobile: Hi! I just wanted to clear up that whole breastfeeding thing...well, my boss has a one-and-a-half-year-old, and he said there were three stages: a sort of watery stage, then it moves into a semi-skimmed stage, then just pudding. Well, I just found out today and I thought you'd want to know too.

N21 Bus
London
England

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So Many Watershed Moments Happen at Banana Republic

(in the Georgetown Banana Republic)
Girl #1: I really love this dress, but I think it's a tad too short for work. I'm only supposed to be buying dresses for work right now.
Girl #2: Really? It's not too short for my office. But my boss only hires pretty people, so he likes it when we wear short dresses.
Girl #1: Did you think I'm ugly?
Girl #2: No! Buy the dress and send me your resume.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Ian

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

On a Totally Unrelated Topic, Care to Come See My "Special Room"?

(Christian brother professor is chewing on the ice of his drink after lunch)
Student: Hey brother, you know what chewing ice is supposed to signify?
Brother: Yeah...sexual frustration.
Student (chuckling): Yeah.
Brother (shrugging): Occupational hazard.

LaSalle University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Well D'uh

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

What Kind of Landlady Makes Bandana-Wearing a Lease Requirement?

Girl on cell: So, did I tell you? I got fired from my job. (pause) Yeah, I guess I'm not a very good gay and lesbian promoter. (pause) Well I'm not gay, so maybe that had something to do with it. (pause) Oh, didn't you hear? I got kicked out of my apartment last week, too. (pause) Yeah, it's gay.

Redline MAX
Portland, OR

Overheard by: Gus

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Why Are These Bills Sticking Together?

Woman: Sorry, I have to pay in singles.
Cashier: That's okay, people do all the time. (asking innocently) Are you a waitress?
Woman: No, honey. My career is a little less wholesome than that.
Cashier: (stutters and looks at her screen) Alright then, your total is $27.45.

Kroger
Cincinnati, Ohio

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Even Those Who Didn't Have Much in the Top Department

Girl on phone talking about going to a strip club for the first time: I mean, I really felt bad for those girls, they like, had to dance around topless!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: What did she think strippers did?

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And I'm Like, "What Are You, Crazy?"

Crazy homeless dude: One time this guy called the cops and said I was waiving a scalpel above my head. They put me in an institution for 72 hours. I kept trying to explain to them why I had the scalpel, and they just kept telling me I wasn't a doctor.

Berkeley, California

Overheard by: Brooke

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And We Could Finally Use Pick-up Lines About "Magic Carpet Rides"

Guy #1: Yo, it would be tight to work in a rug store.
Guy #2: Yeah, man. All those different kinds of rugs...

Oakland, California

Overheard by: archidork

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

"Ronald Reagan Was Our Greatest President!" Haha!

Professor: Will someone please close the door? I don't want anyone else to hear the stupid things I say. Oh, wait, I have tenure now--I don't care if they hear me saying stupid things!

Georgia State University

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If the Whole Prime Minister Thing Doesn't Work Out

Guy #1: Let's become a band of traveling acrobats!
Guy #2: ...yes.

Toronto
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Which I Use for My Other Job

(on a bus passing city jail)
Mom: Look kids... that's where daddy is.
(pause)
Mom: I can give you a haircut.
Man: I like the lady who does my hair, she has good mirrors so I can see the back of my head.
Mom: I've got good mirrors. I've got mirrors on the ceiling, too.

Bus
Omaha, Nebraska

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If One of Our Editors Doesn't Beat You to It

Middle aged redneck to cute four-year-old girl: You're just as sharp as your great granddaddy! You're gonna grow up to write about public restrooms in America!

Gas Station
Waco, Texas

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

See My Rattail?

Man at bar: What do you girls do for a living?
Attractive women: We're in sales, you?
Man: You're in sales? I think you need a career change.
Women: I'm sorry, what do you do?
Man: I'm with the carnival.

Country Bar
Fort Worth, Texas

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Have You Booked the Labor Day Cage-Dancers Yet?

Teenage girl (matter-of-factly): My sister's friend came over yesterday because it was Memorial Day. You know, because she's a stripper.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: yeah, that makes total sense...

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Was Forced to Read the Congressional Record

Girl: Do you know what a pearl necklace is?
Woman: I didn't learn about any of that shit until I worked on the Senate floor.

Kokomo's
Linglestown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: M.J.M.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If I Don't, May God Have Mercy on Your Souls

(the road is closed for Chinese New Year parade)
Bus driver: Folks, we'll be alright. We're going to take a right on Sansome, a left on Broadway, and a left on Stockton. We'll rejoin the original route at Stockton and Sacramento. Don't worry. Everything will be alright. As long as I still get paid, it's okay.

San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So If Anyone Requires a Strip-o-Gram...

Law professor: I don't get paid very well at this job. And I need beer money.

SFSU
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: RL

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Only with Two More X's

Little girl: Mom, what's a prostitute?
Mother, nervous: Uh, a woman who does extreme cuddling for money.
Little girl: Extreme cuddling X Games?!

Denver, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Graduation Is Such a Sausagefest

Guy to friend, matter-of-factly: You know he's just teaching there for the kielbasa.

Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Dude, Just Make an Audio-Visual Geek Your Friend

Music history professor, putting a CD in the player: And now we pray to the god of CDs. It's not good to be a teacher with CDs. They are very stupid things. [Pause.] ...It's not good to be a teacher, perhaps that's what it is.

Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Good Thing Pluto Didn't Hear That

Chocolate store girl: You're a dicksucker. You know that? I mean, why bother with you? You seen my ass, you know I'm good-looking. You're-.
Guy in Goofy costume, muffled: Whatever. There are other tits. I'll be just fine regardless. And just so you know [lowers voice as kids approach] you're gonna get us both fired if you keep this shit up.
Chocolate store girl, loudly: Fuck you, and fuck your fucking ass! I hope you get fired! Then you can go home and suck your asshole!
Guy in Goofy costume, losing it: Better than sucking your ex's dick when you're supposed to be working.
Chocolate store girl, stunned: Who told you that?!
Guy in Goofy costume: Jen, after I fucked her!
[Girl walks into the shop quickly and goes into back room looking like she's going to cry. Goofy goes back to wandering around aimlessly, waving to little kids.]

Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: after that, my g/f and i applied for jobs there

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Kinda Misleading That His Name's Mario, Though

Teen girl #1: Your dad could be a plumber because of his moustache.
Teen girl #2: My dad doesn't have a moustache.
Teen girl #1: Well I wish he did.
Teen girl #2: Too bad, bitch!

North Bay
Ontario
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Sure, Rip Taylor Made A Living Out of It

Student: Is there really a job where you can just throw paper at people and then run away?

Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The National Association of Farmers Convention Can Get Rowdy

Preppie guy: ... And I said, "That's why I trade corn futures!" [Entire table erupts in raucous laughter.]

Ethiopian restaurant, 12th & U
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Ladle

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

All I Asked Was, "Does That Come with Fries?"

Light-skinned black woman: I'm just saying, I'd have been in the home and not in the fields.

Taco Mac
Atlanta, Georgia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

A Secret Tile Factory

Woman: I had this brother who, like, wanted to be spy so he could speak like speak ten different languages and go on top secret missions and crap like that. Now he works in a tile factory.

Borders
Sunnyvale, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Ms. Coulter Limits Herself to the Republican Party

Woman on cell in bathroom stall: Well, I told them she's only available for parties. She's not just gonna come over and take her clothes off for anybody!

Rehm Pool
Oak Park, Illinois

Overheard by: A Lifeguard

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But You Students Are Unwilling to Spread the Word around Campus?

Professor: Even my own mother tells people I'm a drug dealer.

Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Dear Diary, The Refined Chitchat Is Still Not Working

Man: Hey, what are you girls doing?
Woman #1, uninterested: Cigarette break.
Man: So, what are you girls up to?
Woman #2: Cigarette break.
Man: So, you girls interested in a threesome?

Central Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Bought Her at the Adult Store

Man on cell: I don't feel I owe you anything! ... But I didn't even use your service. I found a girlfriend on my own!

Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: Steve E

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If He Starts Doing Lipo, That's Marriage Material

30-ish blonde #1: So, what do you think of my date?
30-ish blonde #2: He seems nice... Plus, he's a plastic surgeon!
30-ish blonde #1: Hmmm... I don't really like him. Plus, he only does same day procedures. I'm only dating him for the free Botox.
30-ish blonde #2: I totally understand. I would only date him for free Botox, too.

Ladies' room, The Wilshire
Santa Monica, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Her Hit Record is Called "I'm a Mink Carcass-Schlepping Slave 4 U"

Crazy lady wearing only a bra: Well, my daddy says we should take my show on the road. I'm a singer, you know. I'm famous in Eastern Europe.
Dumbfounded drunk girls: Uh-huh... Totally.

Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Kari Nott

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Snow White Has Strong Feelings about Little People

Guy #1: If I make a lot of money, I'm gonna hire a dwarf to stand on a stool and help me wash in the shower.
Guy #2: Why couldn't you get a full-sized woman to do that?
Nearby chick: I hope neither of you ever make any money.

Stanford, Connecticut

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

When You Can Take the Handicapped Kid's Scissors Away, Grasshopper...

Bimbette: ... You, like, learn to flip people on the mat. My mom knows how to do that. She works with retarded kids and they, like, have come at her with scissors and tried to cut her throat before.
Barista: That doesn't sound like a job I'd want to have.
Bimbette: No, she loves it.

Starbucks
Gaithersburg, Maryland

Overheard by: I just want my mocha, please

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

... And/Or If You Live in Connecticut

Professor: ... But then he said that maybe drag isn't a great idea before you're tenured.

Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But I'd Only Be a Truckstop Ho for Mad Cash

Rich white chick: Fuck, yeah, I'd be a car ho for some sweet cash.

Christchurch, Canterbury
New Zealand

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Ansel Adams: Worked for Me!

Old man: ... So I tell her, 'Hey, it's healthier than smoking, drinking... banging chicks...' [Old women laugh.] But I could always mix the photography with the banging chicks and make some money on the side...

Panera Bread
Michigan

Overheard by: CDG

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We All Do Our Part, Marcia

Black lady on cell: I mean, I'm out here stealing, too! I got a habit to support, too!

33 bus
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I've Got to Put Myself Through College Somehow

First grade girl: It's my job to inform everyone about horse dinkers.

Johnstown, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Once You Get in, There's Usually Nothing You Want. Like Sex.

Poor college kid #1: So, you used to break into cars?
Poor college kid #2: Yeah.
Poor college kid #1: How was that?

Rochester, New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

NewsFlash: Drive-By Insults on the Rise in Canadia

Crazy hobo: You have pretty hair, unlike mine. My hair is ugly. You're ugly, too. [Chick stares.] I gotta go steal some DVDs now. Bye, ladies!

Downtown Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: At least he was honest

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Well, Her Kids Mend All Her Fishnets

Chick: So, how is the roommate situation?
Dude: It's annoying that she is drunk all of the time. She keeps locking herself out or bringing home random guys.
Chick: Amazing that she still finds the time to be a preschool teacher.

Sacramento, California

Overheard by: state worker

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You Want to End Up on the Internet?

Boy #1: I'd never want to be a gynecologist. You'd get so sick of that you'd never want to see one.
Boy #2: Gynos put Vicks under their nose so they don't have to smell it all day.
Boy #3: You are both nasty.
Boy #4: Stop this conversation. My mom is is the next room.

New Jersey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Cardinal of Contempt? The Deacon of Disdain?

Wife: Honey, be nice...
Husband: No, I refuse to be nice. It's against my religion.
Wife: Oh, sure, you should get your own title... Archbishop of Jackass.

Home Depot
Rancho Cucamonga, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Two Utterly Incompatible Professions

Dude: Well, she's not really a stylist. She's actually a belly dancer.

Century City Mall
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: banging head against escalator

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That or Knitting

Dude: If I wasn't in jail or high, I was working construction.

Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com

Overheard by: jessica

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Though Sometimes I Daydream about the Former

Man: I'm working with little kids now, you know. I babysit for teachers. At a nursery.
Girl: Oh?
Man: Yeah, I kinda like how the kids are recycled every year... I don't mean, like, cut up and made into new babies, but that I get new ones and the old ones move on.

Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com

Overheard by:

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That Way I Can Put Both of My Talents to Use

Seven-year-old: You can't be a rock star. Everyone wants to be a rock star. You have to be something else.
Six-year-old: Fine! I'll be a fucking barber!

Indianapolis, Indiana

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So, No Rules, Just Right?

Bartender: So, what do you do?
Girl: I work at the morgue dissecting babies. Y'know, cutting them to get skin samples.
Bartender: Really?
Girl: Yeah. We call it 'the baby grinder.'
Bartender: That's disgusting.
Girl: What's really gross is every time I do it I get really hungry.

Bar
Fitzroy
Australia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It's So Hard to Find Cheap Storage in This City

Dominatrix: I don't do anything sexual to my clients. All I do is stick things up their asses.

Street fair
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Ladle

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Kind Bugs Have on Their Heads?

Woman to friend: 'Cause, you know, I feel things. I'm, like, a feeler.

Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com

Overheard by: feelin it!

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

One Step at a Time

30-year-old: I will be somebody's cum bucket, but I won't be anybody's cum dumpster!

Shout-out: overheardinlosangeles.blogspot.com

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Now Put Your Hand in My Pocket!

Eight-year-old: I got one!
Dad: Reel it in! Keep reeling!
Eight-year-old: Dad, take my hat off! [Dad takes hat off.] Dad, scratch my head!

Irvine Lake
Irvine, California

Overheard by: Sue

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Why Not Politics?

Student: I decided to be a speech communication major because I like to talk a lot, and I wanted to find a way where I could get a job that makes me a lot of money for using my mouth.

San Francisco State University
California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Dressing Will Lube My Inner Thighs for the Next Long Ride

Sad dude: The great thing about being a bike courier is that my muscles no longer respond to commands unrelated to bicycling. For instance, I just spilled a Caesar salad all over my pants.

Shout-out: www.overheardquote.com

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'm an Equal-Opportunity Whore

Hoochie #1: I'm just an attention-whore, not a sex-whore.
Hoochie #2: I think I'm both.

Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Meesh

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Sooner Or Later the Reflexes Start to Go

Hot chick: Trust me, I would know. I'm a retired slut.

Maine

Overheard by: oh really?

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But That Was Just because I'm a Bad Driver

Official: What experience do you have?
Job-seeker: I worked for 30 years on a poultry farm killing chickens.
Official: Have you done anything else?
Job-seeker: I killed turkeys.

Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com

Overheard by: o.b.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

When You Get Bitten by Something Radioactive

Teen boy to friend: I guess what I'm trying to say is... I really want to be your sidekick.

NCG Cinemas
Lansing, Michigan

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But Think of the Pay-Per-View Revenue!

Frisbee boy #1: This is what war should be: They should give everyone one Frisbees with razor blades on them and send them into battle.
Frisbee boy #2: You know, you're not going to make a very good physicist if that's your contribution to modern warfare.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: charlie

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

No Tuition Payments after High School

Old Jewish lady: ... And what do you want to be when you grow up?
Six-year-old girl: A shampoo girl.
Four-year-old boy: A hooker!
Mother, smoking: I like it when they have low expectations about life.

São Paulo
Brazil

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Same Office, Different Doors

Father to daughter: So, she owned a day care center. No wait, an abortion clinic.

South Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

There Really Was No Other Future Envisaged for Moon Unit Zappa

Girl: Yeah, I need to talk to my advisor about changing my major. I want to be a space girl.

University of Texas, Austin's Forty Acres bus
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: an engineer

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Unless You Were Ellen Pompeo's Cook

Young topologist: It would be so cool to be a chef, because, like, what you cook would be inside people who eat your food.

Creative Arts High School
St. Paul, Minnesota

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?