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Yeah. I Guess.
Guy: Men are bastards. I'm a man.
Girl: Then what does that make you?
Guy: Huh?
Girl: You said men are bastards. So then what does that make you?
Guy, not paying attention: Wanna dance?
Norman, Oklahoma
Categories: Dancing | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Oklahoma | Posted 2010-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Beverly Hills? You're Already There.
Buff Asian kid, squinting at label on microscope: Made in... Douche-land? What the fuck is douche-land?
Beverly Hills High School
Beverly Hills, California
Categories: Asians | California | Geography | Insults | Kids | Names | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2010-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Why Ashley from Real Housewives Of New Jersey Has So Many Friends.
Prissy girl on phone: You have a stupid face. You have to be my friend.
Cardiff
Wales
Overheard by: Gordinho
Categories: Body parts | Comebacks | Girls | Insults | On the phone | Stupidity | UK | Posted 2010-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Lot Of Us Are Asking Ourselves This About Mel Gibson.
Angry woman on cell: That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard! (pause) How are you even still alive?! How is it that the process of natural selection hasn't weeded you out by now? How have you made it this far through life being that stupid?
Sugar Hill, Georgia
Categories: Animals | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Georgia | Insults | On the phone | Women | Posted 2010-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Presenting: the Difference Between Straight and Really Straight
Guy #1, wiping sweat off forehead: Dude, if we hook up with any o' these broads tonight, there's no way we could go down on them.
Guy #2, slamming rest of his drink: Well, maybe you wouldn't. Personally, I don't mind a little gravy on the roast beef.
Guy #1: Jesus, that's fuckin' sick, man! What the fuck is wrong with you?
Six Degrees Bar
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Big D
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Comebacks | Drinking & drunks | Food | Guys | Illinois | Insults | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Questions | Posted 2010-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Was an Unfortunate Incident With Jeffrey at Toys Я Us
Girl #1: I mean, there are those people who pretend to be so moral, and then you find out they're, like, fucking a giraffe.
Girl #2, laughing: Ew! That's disgusting.
Girl #3: Seriously, though, hypocrites suck.
Girl #2: But what would that feel like?
Girl #1: What, being a hypocrite?
Girl #2: No... You know... The giraffe.
Girl #3: Ew... Uhm, horrible?
Girl #2: Yeah, you're right.
(five minutes later, in the middle of another topic)
Girl #2: But really, I think it would depend on how old it was.
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: The giraffe.
Girl #1: Are you still thinking about fucking a giraffe?!?
Girl #3: We need to make sure she doesn't go to the zoo. That can only end badly.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: that sounds wholly unpleasant
Categories: Age and ageing | Animals | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Girls | Insults | San Francisco | Sex | Posted 2010-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Homophobos, One Of Mars' Moons, Duh
Girl #1: I'm a carrier for hemophilia.
Girl #2: You're homophobic? That's fucked up!
Girl #1: What the fuck are you talking about?
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: Spencer and Kevin
Categories: Gender issues | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Oregon | Posted 2010-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But That's Universal Health Care for You
Big burly man, earnestly: So then he said, "my wife is in labor," but I didn't exactly know what that meant.
English man, in disbelief: What? What did you think it meant?
Big burly man: I dunno... Um, like, just pregnant?
English man: So what did you say?
Big burly man: I just said, "yeah, that sucks for you."
English man: Wow, he must have thought you were a real asshole.
Big burly man: Haha, yeah. And then she had the baby in the apartment.
(long pause)
Big burly man: So, anyway, now the building's hot water's not working.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Hey, Girls Just Wanna Have Funyuns.
Woman coming out of convenience store: They ain't got no Funyuns in there!
Man standing outside store: You got a bad attitude! I'ma put you in yo' place with ya old ass!
Magazine Street
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Flying Burrito
When Life Hands You Apples...
Serious guy: There is no... fucking... applesauce!
Dining Hall
UC, Santa Cruz
Overheard by: Willing to bet there's no regular applesauce either
Categories: California | Food | Fruit | Guys | Insults | Posted 2010-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Vampire Style?
19-year-old girl #1: You know, I just a want a man I can sit naked with, watch Dead Poets Society, and then write a song about it afterwards.
19-year-old girl #2: Edward would totally do that for Bella.
19-year-old girl #3: You should leave Ryan.
19-year-old girl #2: Tell Ryan he can suck your dick.
Coffee Shop
Johannesburg
South Africa
Overheard by: Aeleron
Also the Story Behind the KFC Double Down Sandwich
Cashier: Want to hear the lamest shit? I went to get Subway for lunch... And they were out of bread! Completely out! What the fuck is up with that?
Norman, Oklahoma
K-Fed: Explained.
Scruffy guy: Shit, I'd suck dick for money. I've always kind of wished I was a girl so I could be a stripper... or a whore.
Gainesville, Florida
America: Encapsulated.
Slightly obese lady on cell: Of course I'm at the gym, honey! I promised to go to the gym today, so I'm at the gym! (hangs up, talks to friend) What an idiot. I want some ice cream.
Ice Cream Shop
Missouri
Overheard by: jeeves
Categories: Diet & weight | Fat people | Food | Friends | Insults | Lies | Missouri | On the phone | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2010-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perilously Close to Being a Lovely Haiku.
7-year old kid #1: It's raining.
7-year old kid #2: The hurricanes are upon us, bitch!
7-year old kid #1, after long pause: It's raining.
New Jersey
Overheard by: it was raining
Categories: Insults | Kids | New Jersey | Weather | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Unless You're Ready to Make the Commitment Once and for All.
Construction worker #1, singing: I'm not talking 'bout moving in...
Construction worker #2: Shut the fuck up already!
Thibodaux, Louisiana
Categories: Comebacks | Construction workers | Insults | Louisiana | Posted 2010-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mrs. Clinton's a Superb Secretary Of State
Hobo in track suit, shouting into cell: Why? Because she has no goddamn boundaries!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Hobos | Insults | Massachusetts | On the phone | Questions | Posted 2010-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Featuring a Bottomless Cup Of Coffee
Girl: Yeah, I work at Show Me's. It's like Hooters, only sluttier.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Insults | Jobs & Careers | New Mexico | Posted 2010-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See? You're Obviously a New Yorker!
Nigerian guy, joking: Ha ha! Yeah, it's probably because I am black, hey.
American girl: Oh my god, you can't say that! You have to say "African-American."
Nigerian guy: But I'm not African-American; I'm Nigerian. I suppose you could say "African"?
American girl: No, look, we learned it in elementary school! It's "African-American"!
Nigerian guy: Okay... So you're Scandinavian, by that rationale.
American girl: No, I'm American! You're African-American!
English guy: Please shut the fuck up.
Cambridge
England
Overheard by: TopCat
...Wanting to Make Something Of Themselves
Ditzy girl #1: Like, I love her... but she's just so dumb.
Ditzy girl #2: I know! I mean, she wants to take the MCAT. I don't understand that kind of people.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Thanks So Much, You Obese Cocksucker! Love Ya!
Teenage girl to friend: You're pretty fucked up too. (pause) No, I mean in a positive way!
Melbourne
Australia
It's on My Google Calendar!
Girl #1: Ew! Are you gonna ask her tonight? You gonna ask her?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Why she has a huge fucking bush!
Girl #2: Oh, for sure!
McGill University
Montreal
Canadia
...For Knowing What Guys Like
Preppy girl #1: So, Emily's a total slut.
Preppy girl #2: I know, right?
Preppy guy: Wait, what's she like?
Preppy girl #1: Umm, like, a d.
Preppy girl #2: No, no, no: double d.
Preppy guy: I was talking about her personality, but thanks...
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Gossip | Insults | New York | Preppies | Posted 2010-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...How's Your Relationship with Your Grandma?
Girl on cell: So, like, I refused her. I told her I'm not friends with whores.
Salisbury, Maryland
Categories: Girls | Insults | Maryland | On the phone | Relationships | Posted 2010-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So I Take Drugs
Guy: You've got to listen to your body.
Gal: But my body's such a whiny bitch.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Stephan Zielinski
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Girls | Guys | Insults | San Francisco | Posted 2010-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did I Not Put My Tit in Your Coffee This Very Morning?
Older man: Let's go to that bikini coffee shop!
Younger woman: What? What?
Older man: It's a coffee shop where women with self esteem issues wear bikinis and serve... coffee. What's not to get?
Younger woman: Fuck you.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Clothes | Food | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Washington | Women | Posted 2010-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is Long Island, Bitch!
Composition professor: So, by the way, this is how your do the top of the paper--title, dash, name, just like this paper here. I don't want a four-page paper which is three and a half pages long, with a half-page heading.
Student: But it's standard MLA citation practice for that heading to be like that.
Professor: Fuck MLA.
Hofstra University
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: I hate MLA
Is That Even Possible?
Jersey Shore fan: Can you put on Jersey Shore? It's the reunion!
Bartender: Sure, I was kind of hoping someone would ask.
Female drinker: Wow, I am going to watch this dumbass show in a bar, is this happening?
Jersey Shore fan: You love it, don't try to lie cause your boys are here.
Bartender: These people are crazy, and that's why we watch.
Bar patron: I cant believe I am watching the reunion show without having seen a full episode. You are right: I cant stop watching this. What the fuck? Is her name J-Lo?
Jersey Shore fan: J... Wow! She is awesome, snookie is my favorite. I wish I could be friends with her.
Bartender: You have enough slutty friends.
Bar
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Earnie Hustleton
Categories: Baristas | Bars & Clubs | Drunks | Insults | Pennsylvania | Sexuality | TV shows | Wishes | Posted 2010-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have We Finally Reached the Historical Point at Which That's Become an Insult?
Emphatic woman: See? That's why this is your first marriage!
Sherman Oaks, California
Categories: California | Insults | Relationships | Women | Posted 2010-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Seen His Hair?
Indignant little boy: Beethoven is not creepy!
Little girls, in unison: Yes he is!
Melrose, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Categories: Insults | Kids | Massachusetts | Music | Posted 2010-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Flights Need a Two-Drink Minimum
Flight attendant: And if you have smelly, I mean "small" children with you, you may disembark before other passengers. Thank you for flying Jetstar, we hope to see your ugly, I mean "lovely" faces again.
Jetstar Flight
Australia
I Think I Had This Roommate...
Scruffy 20-something guy on cell: I don't care what you do, just leave my fucking rats alone!
Eureka, California
Overheard by: Barry Evans
Categories: Animals | California | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Insults | On the phone | Posted 2010-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If an American Had Written Lolita
Bro #1: Dude, the best deep throat I ever got.
Bro #2: Yeah, dude, does her mom mind?
Bro #1: Yeah, but just cause she's 14, though. Whatever. I'll just find me a better bitch.
San Diego, California
Categories: BJs | California | Guys | Insults | Posted 2010-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good to See Michigan Living Up to Its Reputation
Dorm guy: I said "thanks for the help," but I should have said, "thanks for the help, asshole, I hope they send you back to China."
Michigan State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | Insults | Michigan | Race | Posted 2010-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'd Think They Could Be Programmed Not to Splatter the Seat
Student emerging from bathroom to self: I hate those frickin' androids...
Brookdale Community College
New Jersey
Overheard by: Whiskeysaurus
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gripes | Guys | Insults | New Jersey | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Also Happens to Be My Husband.
Teen mum #1 with baby in pushchair: Ah! Lovely baby boy! Who's the father?
Teen mum #2 with baby in pushchair: That scumbag from the pub a few months back.
Clothes Store
Dartford
England
...Or Retarded
Loud woman with arms in air: Happy New Year! Happy New Year!
Grumpy man: Fuckin' drunks!
Loud woman: I'm not drunk, I'm Canadian!
Canal Street
New Orleans, Louisiana
Categories: Character | Drinking & drunks | Foreigners | Gripes | Grumpies | Insults | Louisiana | Posted 2010-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Possibly Means I'm Growing As a Person
Girl #1: How's your sister?
Girl #2: She's a whore. If she wasn't pregnant, I'd go beat her ass.
University of New Orleans, Louisiana
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Girls | Insults | Louisiana | Pregnancy | Posted 2010-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Even Get Me Started on Jessica Simpson
Elderly man: This abstinence shit the Republicans get on about... Abstinence my ass! I've been looking at girls since I was 11. I mean: come on, the Virgin Mary is crying!
North Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: Sara
We Have No Words for This Quote.
Woman: Do you have the book How to Fix Your Marriage without Words?
Saleslady: Sorry, it looks like we don't have that in stock right now.
Woman: Fuck!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Taylor
Categories: Books | Customers | Employees | Insults | Relationships | Shopping | Washington | Posted 2010-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Now You Pay Attention?
Teacher holding VCR remote control: I keep hitting play, this stupid thing won't work. Must need new batteries.
(changes batteries)
Teacher: Damn thing still won't work, you'd think they would buy machines that work, how are you supposed to learn with such crappy materials?
Student in front row: Ummm... Is that the tape on top of the VCR?
Teacher: Goddamn it!
Manchester, New Hampshire
Categories: Education | Gripes | Grumpies | Insults | Kids | New Hampshire | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2010-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Just Hope the Casting Agents at Lifetime Agree!
Guy wearing shirt reading "Dude. Seriously. Fuck you": Some say I have a face for date rape.
State Fair
California
Overheard by: Sonni
Our Sex Life Is Gaggleicious
19-year-old girlfriend: You're a silly goose!
19-year-old boyfriend: You are too!
19-year-old girlfriend: That's why we are dating!
Memphis, Tennessee
...But Before I Start to Spoil
16-year-old girl #1: I wanna wait to have kids, you know? But I don't wanna be old or anything. I think like 19 or somethin.
16-year-old girl #2: Yeah. Oscar wants to knock me up and I'm like "no bitch, I don't even have a license yet." We're thinking after I turn 18.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Insults | Kids | Pregnancy | Relationships | Sex | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Care If You Are My Grandma.
Man on cell: What? You calling me fat pussy? I will punch you in the face!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Body parts | Insults | Massachusetts | On the phone | Threats | Posted 2010-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The "Hugs, Not Drugs" Campaign Has Had Mixed Results
Huge gangsta boy: Maaaan, gimme a hug!
Preppy white friend: What?! No!
Huge gansta boy: What the fuck, man, just gimme a goddam hug!
High School
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Feelings | Friends | Insults | Offers and requests | Preppies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Tennessee | Thugs | Whiteys | Posted 2010-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...If She Tries to Get Out Of Going to Preschool Again.
Guy on cell, very angrily: Fuck you! (then suddenly calm) Well, that's what I was thinking of saying to her...
Brighton
England
Categories: England | Grumpies | Guys | Insults | On the phone | Relationships | Posted 2010-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are the Two Mutually Exclusive?
Fat effeminate thug: Bitch, are you a daddy's gurl o' you jus' anotha gorilla?
North Hollywood
California
Overheard by: busninja
Categories: Animals | California | Compare and contrast | Fat people | Insults | Questions | Thugs | Posted 2010-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why AA Gives You a Sponsor and Some New Friends
Girl on bus: I've been trying to quit drinking and she was all like, "have some juice with me!" And then she pulls out a half gallon of vodka, and I'm all, "bitch, what you doing?"
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Bus | Drinking & drunks | Food | Girls | Insults | Washington | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Wearing Those Stiletto Boots and Bra-tops and We'll Talk
Communications professor: I mean, I can offer you a dollar for sex or I can offer you a million dollars. You're still a prostitute. We're just haggling over price.
(some female students giggle)
Communications professor: What? Oh, you're laughing because I called you whores?
Otago University
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Insults | Money | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Questions | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Most Exciting Thing That's Happened in Tukwila, Washington in Years
Man on cell in line at bank, clearly agitated: After what happened last time, you expect me to do that? (pause) What? I can't work with that! (dead silence, then yelling) Look, you motherfucker... I know what the goddamn price of heroin is, and that's not it! (runs away from bank, gets on his 745 BMW)
Customer in line: Did he just say what I think he said?
Teller: I totally heard "heroin."
Tukwila, Washington
Categories: Customers | Drugs | Employees | Guys | Insults | Money | On the phone | Washington | Posted 2009-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As Expressly Stated in the Terms Of My Employment.
Girl on phone: You can't just give me some Craisins and expect everything to be okay after you called me a Nazi!
University of Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Florida | Food | Gifts | Girls | Insults | On the phone | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Know All Too Well About Her Penchant for Doggy Style
Dude #1: So then I was like, "take that back, you bitch!"
Dude #2: Whoa man, then what happened?
Dude #1: She bent over, and then it hit her that I wasn't trying to bone her doggy style. I dumped her two minutes later.
Dude #2: Haha, yeah! That's my sister for you!
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Stephanie C.
I Spent a Whole Week in a Broom Closet Once
Boy #1 to boy #2, who is moving his chair: What the fuck are you doing?
Boy #2: I'm moving you out of the way so I can get by.
Boy #1: What? You could've just asked me to move.
Boy #2: Yeah, but I was trying to save you from having to do anything. Don't worry, I was gonna put you back.
Boy #1: Okay.
Boy #2: I hate when people move me and don't put me back.
Student Center, WCC
Valhalla, New York
Overheard by: Princess Diana
Mom's Just Mean
Guy #1: Yo, she can't be saying that "you small shit" to you, man. Was it limp or fully flexed?
Guy #2: No, it was ready to go.
Guy #1: Damn, she trippin.
Tysons Corner, Vriginia
See Their "My Child Is an Honor Student at Bitchassfaggot Elementary" Sticker?
Grandma, after car cuts bus off: Bitchassfaggot.
Daughter: Mom!
Grandma: Well, that's what they are!
Public Transit
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Reader Survey: What's Going on Here?
Man, chasing girlfriend after party was busted: Bitch, where is my money? Bitch! Where is my money?
Girlfriend: You can't go to jail again, get in my trunk!
Bloomington, Indiana
Like We Did to That Little Make-a-Wish Girl
Boyfriend to girlfriend: Yeah, I'd throw a snowball at the Princess of Sweden. Knock that tiara right off her fucking head.
Girlfriend: Totally. You'd be like, "who's Princess now, bitch?"
Vancouver
Canadia
How Criss Angel Makes a Tidy Profit at Parties
Drunk man at next table: Butterflies out the arse! And I wouldn't have bet 10 bucks on the sonofabitch!
Sushi Bar
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Sushi Enjoyer
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Insects | Insults | Louisiana | Money | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As Dear Abby Told You in That Column
Girl #1, throwing home pregnancy test into friend's basket: Here, I think you need this.
Girl #2, throwing box of condoms into friend's basket: Not as much as you need these, you slut.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Erica
Categories: Comebacks | Condoms | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Pregnancy | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Immortal Words Of Khrushchev.
Chick giving presentation: Because this is Russia, bitch.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
One Word About V-Neck Tees and I Will Slit Your Throat
Girl #1: Hey, let's go to The Gap, they have short pants there.
Girl #2, pissed off: Shut the fuck up! I hate you.
Mall
Northern New Jersey
When Rappers Teach Geography
Girl to friends: Fuck Europe! I got Tanzania all up on my ass!
Atlanta, Georgia
Because I Buy You Drinks?
Girl: Dude, she digs you, why don't you ask her out?
Guy: She's fat.
Girl: You are so fucking pretentious and shallow.
Guy: I'm okay with that. It means I only fuck hotties.
Girl: We fucked, does that mean you think I'm a hottie?
Guy: No, that just means I was drunk and you were willing.
Girl: Why am I friends with you?
Guy: I have no idea.
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Beauty | Colorado | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Insults | Sex | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Ironic, Since I'm Only Thirteen.
Girl: I would fuck the diction out of Chris Hansen.
New Hampshire
Overheard by: Amanda
Categories: About celebrities | Girls | Gripes | Insults | New Hampshire | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Everything Really Is Bigger in Texas
New Yorker, trying to get through a crowd of people blocking aisle: Excuse me. Excuse me! Excuse me!
Confused little boy: I already moved.
New Yorker: Oh, I know you have, dear. I was talking to your fat-ass mother.
Grocery Store
Austin, Texas
Categories: Ass | Assholes | Diet & weight | Family ties | Insults | Kids | Kids | Moms | Stores | Texas | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Hard to Be Fast When You're Really Husky
Chick, seriously: Corn's one of them slow motherfuckers.
Friend, upset: Whores.
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Leevee
Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Friends | Insults | Posted 2009-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wish I Was a Sociopath Like My Dad
Drunk guy to girlfriend: I care about you a lot. It sucks.
Park Tavern
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Insults | New Jersey | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You're Greeting a Female Dignitary, for Instance
Nerdy college guy #1: "Bitch" does have a negative connotation.
Nerdy college guy #2: But girls say it to each other, it's like the "n" word!
Nerdy college guy #3: And it can be used as a greeting! "Yo, bitch, what's shakin'?"
USF
Florida
Overheard by: SB
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Florida | Insults | Students | Words | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's All Fun and Games 'til Somebody Pokes a Baby Out
Loud eighth grader: Michael's such a douche, all he wants to do is get in my pants.
Even louder teacher: You're in eighth grade, you shouldn't be letting anybody in your pants!
Potomac, Maryland
Overheard by: Math is my new favorite subject...
Every Educated American Should See Bringing Up Baby
Girl #1: Oh my god! You sounded so much like Katharine Hepburn just then!
Girl #2: I sounded like who?
Girl #1: Well, never mind, you stopped doing it. Bitch.
Couch Dorm
University of Oklahoma
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Insults | Oklahoma | Questions | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Breakfast Is the Most Important Meal Of the Day
Girl on cell: So he was like, "I was thinking about going to Austin, because Brian's there." and I was like, "Fuck Brian. I make better waffles."
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Food | Girls | Insults | Massachusetts | On the phone | Posted 2009-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Faux-Posh Accent Never Fooled Me
Old lady #1: I've never liked her!
Old lady #2: She was a shit at school, and she's a shit now.
West Midlands
England
Try Reading to Them or Something
Loud girl to friend: Calm your nipples, bitch!
Huntington, New York
Overheard by: Sarah
Why Do You Think I Was Dressed As a Clown While Saying It?
Girl: You called me a slut and said you didn't want to talk to me anymore.
Guy: That was for show.
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Kaleena
Nicely, Before I Get Out the Acid-Filled Squirt Gun.
Dry lecturer to class: Given the grades you got in the test, you should really be listening to what I'm saying. (pause) That's rather bitchy, isn't it? It's my way of saying: "shut the whatever up."
University of Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Insults | New Zealand | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Hollywood Party, in a Nutshell
Girl at party: These people are so disgusting! One guy actually called dibs on me.
Guy, loudly: Yeah, these people are douchebags.
Girl: Shhhh! They'll hear you!
Guy: So what?
Girl: Then they'll think I'm the one that brought all the weird people to the party.
Guy: You did.
Girl: But I don't want them to know that!
Random party guy: Yeah, dude, stop. You're embarrassing her in front of all the people she hates.
Columbus, Ohio
Oooh, Lick Your Lips While You Say That!
Drunk girl #1: (blows kiss to construction worker)
Drunk girl #2: You *so* just made his day!
Construction worker: Slut.
Exhibition Street
Melbourne, Australia
Categories: Australia | Construction workers | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Insults | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Eating Those Cheetos!
Girl in puffy pink coat: I went to Jared's yesterday and I was all like, "you're a jerk." Know what I mean?
Girl in puffy white coat: I dunno. My nails are orange.
Illinois institute
Overheard by: abbie
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Illinois | Insults | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Porn Sites Sold Word-a-Day Calendars
Guy in courtyard: Areolas! Areolas! Areolas! Aaaareeeeoooolaaaas! Areolas! Areolas!
Voice from window: What the fuck?
Guy: Areolas!
Kent, Ohio
Meet Debate Club Barbie
Idiot girl #1: Well, like, Brad is like one of your favorite toys, so you wanna play with him a lot. But Adam is like your most favorite toy, so you wanna play with him all the time! So when Ashley wants to play with him you're all, "Bitch, drop it!"
Idiot girl #2: That is the best analogy.
Guelph
Canadia
Unless You Could Find Some Cute Coveralls
Blonde teenage girl #1: If I don't get asked to prom I might just drop out of school and become a mechanic.
Blonde teenage girl #2: I know... that would suck.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: high school
Categories: Education | Girls | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Posted 2009-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Damsel in Distress Can Count on a Guy Peeing on Her
Teen girl #1: I wish a jellyfish would sting me so some handsome guy would run along the beach, whip out his dick and pee on me.
Teen girl #2: What?
Teen girl #1: To neutralize the sting, dumbass.
Teen girl #2: I know that. But still: what?
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
Jesus Wept.
5th grade girl: And he says to me, "you are so stupid," and I say to him, "you are more stupid than me." Then he says "nuh-uh, you more stupider than anybody." And I'm said, "whatever, stupid!"
Tennessee
Overheard by: beth
Categories: Compare and contrast | Insults | Students | Stupidity | Tennessee | Posted 2009-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ladies, Please Watch Your Actions.
Female track jock, to friend: So I had this fucking hair up my fucking ass.
Private school football coach, overhearing: Ladies, please watch you language.
Female track jock: I had a hair up my butt.
El Paso, Texas
Whoo Hoo, I Just Used All My Words Of the Day!
Girl on cell: It's going to fucking rain in circa one hour.
University of Pennsylvania
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: grad student
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Insults | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Weather | Words | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Doesn't Deserve a Prince Like Me
Guy #1, during a college basketball game: Dude! I saw my ex, Bea, down there!
Guy #2: Really?
Guy #1: Yeah. She got fat! Fuck you, bitch! (high fives guy #1)
Araneta Coliseum
Manila
The Philippines
Overheard by: VM
Categories: Asia | Death & dying | Guys | Insults | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next Time, Actually Read My Nametag.
Drunk chick: Haha, you're a cheeky queen.
Drunk queer: Don't call me a cheeky queen! I'm a dirty bitch!
Provincetown, Massachusetts
The Enemy Of My Imaginary Enemy Is My Imaginary Friend
Hip-hop thug on train bursts out, to no one in particular: Fuck you, man!
(spits on floor) You don't like it, do somethin' 'bout it. (pause) You want my dick? You want to be on my dick?
(silence).
Chica sitting opposite: Who are you talking to?
(hip-hop thug mumbles)
Chica: I don't think anyone wants to be on your dick.
Boston, Massachusetts
...Which Is Also What Tom Said.
Girl #1: So what are we looking for here?
Girl #2, distractedly: A birthday card for my boyfriend Tom*. (pauses) I mean...
Girl #1: Oh my god, you totally just called your best friend your boyfriend! If that's not a huge Freudian slip, I don't know what is.
Girl #2: Freud can suck my dick!
Culpeper, Virginia
Overheard by: freudian follower
Categories: Gifts | Girls | Insults | Mental illnesses | Questions | Relationships | Shopping | Virginia | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If She Doesn't Want Them, Our Entire System Of Currency Is Shot to Shit
Woman on phone: Well, if she wants the fucking dishtowels, she better!
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
Overheard by: Drew
Categories: Insults | On the phone | Tennessee | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And What's Written on the Box Makes No Sense at All
Bad-ass #1: What is Two and a Half Men about, anyway?
Bad-ass #2: Stop fuckin' askin' me, man! I told you, I don't know!
Video Store
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: behind the counter
Your Editors' Verdict: Shower Yes, Loofah No
20-something chick on cell: Hello? Seriously? It smelled like your balls last time you used it! (pause) Okay, I guess, make sure you rinse out that motherfucker! You too, bye.
Friend: What was that about?
20-something chick: My boyfriend wants to use my shower, and my loofah.
Friend: Oh.
San Antonio, Texas
Categories: Balls | Bathing | Chicks | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Friends | Insults | On the phone | Questions | Sensory experiences | Texas | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't Canadia Where TV Shows Go After Death?
Fab teenage girl with huge pink sunglasses: I fucking loved Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye! I have no fucking idea why they canceled it!
Teenage boy dressed in all black, munching cookie: Me neither. That was show was kickass.
Fab teenage girl: Probably 'cuz all the old people were like, "this show's really fucking gay." But I think that that one guy was really hot. Stupid fucking old people.
Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
God, It's Hot in Here
Professor: When I tell people I'm an English professor they always ask what my favorite word is. You know what I tell them? "Fuck" is my favorite word. Also, "lackadaisical." How about "lackadaisical fuck"? (laughs)
Gordon College
Barnesville, Georgia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Georgia | Insults | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Also Liked Starving My Baby to Death
Teacher: No one liked middle school. Everyone hates middle school. I'd rather starve to death than teach middle school. I'd rather starve my baby to death than teach middle school.
Student: I liked middle school.
Teacher: Freak!
Portland, Maine
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Education | Gripes | Insults | Kids | Maine | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Train Is Like the Hotel California, Beeyotch.
Black woman #1: I hate when people wait to the last minute to try and get off at a stop.
Black woman #2: Mmm-hmm.
Black woman #1: I don't let them past if they try to do that shit.
Black woman #2: What you do?
Black woman #1: I'll push their mothafuckin' ass back on the train!
Subway
New York City
Categories: Ass | Black people | Gripes | Insults | New York | Public Transportation | Train | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Your Editors Had a ShamWow, We Would Use It Every Day
Frat boy #1: Oh, dude, a ShamWow! (to friend at counter) Hey, should we get a ShamWow?
Frat boy #2, without looking at him: No.
Frat boy #1: But it's a ShamWow!
Frat boy #2: You're an idiot. (long pause) Fine, get the fucking ShamWow.
Frat boy #1: (excitedly runs ShamWow over to counter)
Frat boy #2: Fuck.
Pet's Mart, Montana
Overheard by: Sadie
As Explained in Thurber's The Wonderful O
Student to another: You're an asshole!
Science teacher: If you're going to say that, you should use the proper term, which is "anus."
High School
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Advice | Ass | Etiquette | Insults | New Zealand | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hate Crowds
Guy #1: I would sacrifice myself to save the rest of the world. Wouldn't you?
Guy #2: Naw, man. Fuck the world.
Chino, California
Categories: California | Guys | Insults | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Ruined the Entire Experience Of Jerry Maguire for Me
American guy #1: Fuck, here I am, sitting on top of some fucking sandmountain in the goddam desert in Chile, god knows how far away from home, to watch some goddam sunset! And I'm not even on my fucking own, or with some hot chick. I'm sitting here with severeal hundred other people. It's such a fucking waste. It's kinda like sitting all alone in the movie theater, and then some dickhead comes and sits down next too you.
American guy #2: Yeah, I did that once!
American guy #1: I hate you. (walks away).
San Pedro de Attacama
Chile
Overheard by: Hege
Categories: Compare and contrast | Foreigners | Gripes | Guys | Insults | South America | Posted 2009-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
More Important Than You Knew
Brazilian guy to American: Pleeeeeaaase? Say it. Say it. Say "fucker de matriz" in English.
Brazilian girlfriend: He wants you to say (whispers) "motherfucker".
American guy: Okay. (blandly) Motherfucker.
Brazilian guy: No! Like an American, please!
American guy: Huh? Oh, "muthafucka!"
Brazilian guy, laughing giddily and clapping: Yes! Yes! Muthafucka, excellent!
ViaRail Train
Canadia
Overheard by: Jim
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Foreigners | Insults | Offers and requests | Train | Wishes | Words | Posted 2009-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perhaps the Most Important Thing We Learn from Our Fathers
Young dad, trying to put struggling kid in high chair: Come on, don't be a dick.
Restaurant
Brisbane
Australia
It's the California Default Setting
Girl #1: You're retarded.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too.
San Diego, California
Categories: Bringing it back to you | California | Girls | Insults | Mental illnesses | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can I Get a High Five? Anybody? Anybody?
Man with sons and wife: We made good time. Only took an hour.
Wife, getting angry: Would you stop letting people know how ignorant you really are?
Man: So what? We did the Louvre in 45 minutes.
Reina Sofia Museum
Madrid
Spain
Overheard by: amy abes
Categories: Comebacks | Family | Family ties | Insults | Questions | Spain | Stupidity | Time Management | Posted 2009-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Will, Too, At The Drop Of a Hat
Seven-year-old boy: Jonas Brothers! The Jonas Brothers can suck my ass!
Borders
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Amy D
Categories: About celebrities | Ass | Glad the condom broke | Gripes | Insults | Kids | Music | Texas | Posted 2009-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...She Put Two Drinks Up There?
Sorority girl to another, sitting in booth: Girl, I was double-fisted all night long last night!
Gay dude #1, quite loudly, to gay dude #2: Oh my god! That is so nasty! Who on earth would ever say something like that out in public! I wouldn't want anyone to know that anyone could do anything like that to me, let alone enjoy it! Nasty bitches!
Gay dude #2 to gay dude #1, very quietly: Um, I think she meant she had a drink in both hands, you idiot.
Gay dude #1: Oh.
Chinese Restaurant
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: j-we
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Insults | Kentucky | Masturbation | Queers | Restaurants | Sorority types | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sweetie, You're Not Even Wearing a Shirt Today.
Girl #1: For Halloween we should dress up as something we're not!
Girl #2: Then I'm going as a slut!
(other girls in the group stay silent and look awkward)
Girl #2: Bitches!
California
Categories: California | Clothes | Girls | Insults | Posted 2009-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let the Nitpicking Begin!
Guy to girlfriend: You know, I got the crabs.
Girlfriend: Emm... okay.
Guy: Guess what?
Girlfriend: What?
Guy: You got 'em too, stupid!
San Francisco, California
Don't Bite the Hand That Grades You
Annoying professor, about optical illusion on slide: What do you all see here?
Student: A moron with tenure.
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
That's Obviously the Isaiah Washington Memorial
Middle-aged wife: Oh, honey, look! It's the George Jefferson memorial.
Middle-aged husband: Seriously. You are such an idiot.
eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Couples | Eavesdrop DC | History | Insults | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...You Wanna Go to Build-a-Bear?
Roid Rager, angrily: Nobody gives me the finger while I'm driving!
Hipster, calmly: Well, you need to slow down. It's a parking lot.
Roid Rager, enraged: You wanna do something about it?
Hipster: No. I'm not gonna fight you in front of Sears.
Rockaway Mall, New Jersey
Overheard by: Joe Bagodonuts
I Read It in This Travel Brochure
Girl: All you Boston niggaz suck, ya'll pussies be leaving the party at two.
Guy: Cause niggaz get shot at three.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sam
Categories: Girls | Guys | Insults | Massachusetts | Murder | Time Management | Posted 2009-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Confusing
10-year-old boy #1: You're a douche.
10-year-old boy #2: Oh, yeah? Well, you're a pickle and a radish in a jar full of lemonade.
10-year-old boy #1: That's mean.
Mississauga
Canadia
Let Him Wonderbra for a While
Teenage girl to friend: Ugh! Eric gets mad at me when I tell people things, you get mad when I don't tell you things...just tell him to fuck off and leave my boobs out of it!
Rumson, New Jersey
Categories: Friends | Insults | New Jersey | Rack | Teens | Posted 2009-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'd Best Not Be Bringing That Bag to Our Next Orgy!
Sorority girl #1: That whore stole my coach bag!
Sorority girl #2: Did you call her out on it?
Sorority girl #1: Well, no, it wasn't actually mine yet, but I told her that I was going to get that one like a week ago, and now she's carrying it. (walks past coach girl, who has iPod headphones in one ear, phone up to other ear) Whore!
Central Michigan University
Overheard by: Central Girl
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Fashion | Insults | Michigan | Sorority types | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thank God I Live in Connecticut, Where I Avoid That Sort Of Thing.
Student #1: He went flying over the Rockies and they haven't found his plane.
Professor: Oh, good, good! I hated that guy.
Student #2: Who was he?
Professor: Some rich fucker.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
If I Wanted to Read Subtitles I'd Get a Book!
Daughter at video store: What about this one, mom?
Mom: You pick crap! I'm getting you an animated movie!
Rodanthe, North Carolina
Categories: Family | Family ties | Insults | Moms | Movies | North Carolina | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So This Better Be at Least Three Karats.
(drunk boy pulls out diamond ring and offers it to drunk girl)
Drunk girl: Fuck you, Tim! You fell asleep at dinner!
London
England
Overheard by: Tequila Sally
It's Currently Banging Your Reasoning and Your Foresight
Guy: My imagination went to college and found new horizons. Your imagination has always been a whore!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Guys | Insults | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You Know a Football Player Who Died Of a Heart Attack or Stroke
Football player #1: What are you getting?
Football player #2: I think I'm gonna get four hot dogs.
Football player #1: Dude! You're only supposed to eat three a week! It's like...the sodium or something. Three hot dogs have all the sodium you're supposed to have in a week.
Football player #2: You're fucking retarded! I'm getting four hot dogs and I'm gonna eat all four of them in their sodium goodness. Watch me.
Dining Hall, Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Colleen
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Guys | Indiana | Insults | Offers and requests | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hate When They Do It While You're Driving, and You Can't See the Road
Frustrated gamer playing The Legend of Zelda: Did you see that? She's such a slut! Her vagina was just totally up in link's face. And he's like, twelve. Why are women like that all the time?
University of Massachusetts
Overheard by: the girl in the corner cramming for finals
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Insults | Massachusetts | Questions | Vagina | Posted 2009-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Learn How to Spell.
Adult male to adult female and teen: You know what I told her? I says "you're a cunt, with a capital K."
Outside Skateboard Shop
Chattanooga, Tennessee
Is That a Multiple Choice Question?
Hooker, yelling at pimp in parked car: Lemme axe you somethin: fuck you!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: rob w.
Not Today, Though-- I've Got Leg Cramps
Hobo: Hey baby, you ever had the back a yo' knee fucked?
Girl in line at the show: Once...it was okay, I guess.
Hobo: Shitdamn girl, you're a freak!
Ybor
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Gotta try that
Nobody Can Do Sexual Harassment Like the Insane
Crazy bag lady, loudly: I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy!
(sits down next to another passenger on the subway)
Crazy bag lady, now in passenger's face: I don't suck dick for pussy!
(female passenger gets up and moves)
Crazy bag lady: Why you jumping? Why you jumping, bitch!? You weren't jumpin' last night when that guy put his long ass dick in you last night!
Female passenger: Excuse me, ma'am, don't say that to me! You don't know me!
(subway train stops)
Conductor: City Hall station!
Female passenger: Excuse me, sir, there's a crazy lady on the subway harassing the other passengers.
Conductor: Oh, could you point her out to me?
(female passenger points to crazy woman yelling)
Conductor: Ma'am, are you bothering people?
Crazy bag lady: Why you tryin' to fuck me standing up!? Why don't you fuck me lying down like a gentleman!
Conductor: Ma'am, I'm calling the police.
Broad Street Line Subway
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Ass | BJs | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Default | Employees | Insults | Offers and requests | Penis | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Sex | Vagina | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With a Little Cinnamon and Some Splenda. What?
Nursing student #1, about absent classmate: If she'd have kept her fucking mouth shut and not been a motherfucking snitch we wouldn't be in this mess!
Nursing student #2: Why'd she snitch on us?
Nursing student #1: I don't know, but she think she the best thing since apple sauce!
(long pause)
Nursing student #1: I really like applesauce!
Marian College
Indianapolis, Indiana
Keep Your Friends Close and Your Motherfuckers Even Closer
20-something guy to another: He found Jesus. In the two months I hadn't seen him, the motherfucker found Jesus.
Swinger's
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Kristin
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Insults | Jesus | Words | Posted 2009-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Grandma.
Ghetto lady on cell: Where you at? (pause) Yeah, you better be at work and not out fucking around on me. (pause) You know damn well what the fuck I am talking about, motherfucker! (pause) Bitch, I am making tacos so I gotta get some fucking sour cream. (pause) I said I am making fucking tacos. (pause) Alright, I love you too.
Sun Fresh
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: WesAli
So I'll Grind Them Up, Snort Them, and Hope for the Best
Girl #1, holding up box of Kellogg's frosted flakes and reading: Oh, shit. Oh, fuck.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: There aren't any directions.
Clark University
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: jedusor
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Girls | Insults | Massachusetts | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Cake Box" May Be the Best Speaker Label We've Had on This Site
American guy carrying cake box: And the 911 operator just hears "you fucking whore!" and the line goes dead. Seven hours later, the cops show up.
Incredulous Asian girl: And they were all dead?
American guy: Oh yeah, all of 'em were dead. That's why you're much better off being middle class in this country, health-wise.
London
England
Overheard by: Jai
Probably Mr. Marcus Doesn't, Either
Girl, pulling up in her SUV: Hey, Marcus.
Guy #1: Hey.
Girl: How ya doin'?
Guy #1: Good, good.
(girl drives away)
Guy #2: Why'd she call you Marcus?
Guy #1: I don't know that bitch.
Newark, Delaware
...Is the Moral Of Every Law and Order Episode
Chick: We just have to accept that people are crazy-ass bitches.
Friend: Apparently.
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Leevee
Is That by Herbal Essences?
Bottle blonde: Oh my god, you have to tell me where you got your color done!
Natural blonde gentleman: Bitch, this comes from Adonis genes gifted from on high.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Dr. Iniego Strangelove
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Euphemisms | Florida | Girls | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Science | Posted 2009-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Lip Rings Are Less Work Than Babies
Customer to cashier with lip rings: Okay, two questions. One, did that hurt?
Cashier: Um, not as much as I thought it would.
Customer: Second question, why did you do that?!
Cashier, speechless: Uhm...honestly...
Friend of customer: Ah, hell man, because she likes it. Shit!
Music Store
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: I've got metal in my face too...
Just Don't Expect It to Say Your Name
English professor: Make that language your bitch.
Ursinus College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Insults | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't All Women Talk Shit Behind Your Back?
Asian guy #1: She's the kind of woman who stands to the side, but she's also the kind of woman who talks shit behind your back.
Asian guy #2: Yeah, traditional Asian bitch.
UCSD
San Diego, California
Categories: Asians | California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Geography | Guys | Insults | Posted 2009-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Quiz: Which Of These Statements Is True About Audrina from The Hills?
Guy #1, shocked and angry: Dude, she's autistic!
Guy #2: Yeah! But she's a full functioning autistic, so fuck you for judging.
Ikea
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Ferdinand
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Insults | Maladies | Stores | Washington | Posted 2009-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Exactly What Jesus Said in the New Testament Director's Cut
Girl praying at roadside cemetery to boys whistling and yelling out of car window: For fucks sake! I'm trying to fucking pray here you motherfuckers!" (returns to praying).
Sandgate Cemetery
Newcastle
Australia
I'm Not Sure That's What's Meant by "Love God"
Teenage girl #1: Oh god, I want to fuck him so badly.
Teenage girl #2: Oh my god, you whore! You don't fuck him! You make sweet, sweet love to him.
Summit, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Insults | New Jersey | Sex | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What My Shrink Said!
Girl: I feel like, you know, I'm, like, going out with a different guy almost every single night. You know?
Guy: Well, I think that's because you're a whore.
University of Pennsylvania
Overheard by: oh well, okay
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Insults | Pennsylvania | Questions | Words | Posted 2009-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Video That Should Be Shown in Driver Training
Friend #1, driving: Yeah, she'll be okay with it, she'll just be like...oh, motherfucker, I'll stab you in the face!!
Friend #2: What?
Friend #1: She'll be okay with it, though, she'll just be like...pedidle!
Friend #2: (silence)
Friend #1: What?! Did you see that car? She'll be okay with it, she'll just be like, oh...okay.
Bentleyville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: concerned friend
Categories: Body parts | Default | Friends | Games | Insults | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2009-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Think Church Is Working for You, Ramón
Guy: Who's that?
Girl: That's jenny.
Guy: How do we know her?
Girl: From church. She's so humble and pretty! And to think she looks like that after giving birth!
Guy: Ugh! What a bitch!
Mall
Manila
Philippines
The Beginning Of This Season's Greatest Love Story
Bag lady: Any money you can spare for the homeless?
College girl: No, I'm sorry.
Bag lady: Well, fuck you, you sexy bitch!
Washington, DC
Overheard by:
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Insults | Offers and requests | Questions | Students | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2009-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hence the Babies
Hispanic teenager with baby, yelling out of bus doors: You're an icy bitch!
Chinese woman, muttering loudly: Fucking immigrants.
Bus Station
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: another immigrant
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Default | Foreigners | Girls | Illinois | Insults | Race | Women | Posted 2009-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Was All Just Whatever About Whatever
Girl #1: Do you remember that chick we saw that time?
Girl #2: The one at that place?
Girl #1: Yeah, wait, no, that other place.
Girl #2: Yeah. What a whore.
Girl #1: I know, right?
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: not that chick
SVU: Tucson Failed to Catch on with Viewers
Crazy man to woman walking to her car: Sir! Sir! There is evidence here that there has been sexual activity in this area!
Woman: (silence)
Crazy man (under breath): Lazy pig.
Parking Garage
Tucson, Arizona
To Avoid Shopping Tantrums, See That Your Husband Is Properly Fed and Watered
Husband trying on sandals: There's too much bullshit. What is all this bullshit on here?
Wife: I don't know...there's a lot of stuff.
Husband: It's too much bullshit. I'm not paying for all this bullshit.
Leesburg Corner Outlet Mall
Leesburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Nat
Fuck It, You Know What? I Did
Guy on cell: Did they sell their house? (pause) Ohhh, they couldn't sell the house! (pause) Yeah...that makes sense! Ain't nobody can't get credit now, ho! (pause) Wait, I didn't mean to call you a ho, grandma.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Default | Family ties | Guys | Insults | Other sites | Questions | Posted 2009-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah? Shalom, Baby
Black man, approaching black woman wrapped in garments with only her eyes visible: Salam Aleikum.
Woman: I'm not Muslim, muthafucka, I'm cold!
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Michael
Whereas My Beer Belly Is a Perfect Sphere
Male student to girlfriend: Your body is uneven!
George Mason University
Fairfax County, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Insults | Students | Virginia | Posted 2008-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Merde on the WestJet Express
Flight attendant: So I'm gonna let the lady in the box [the recording] take it away in French, then I'll finish up in English, because we like to save the best for last!
Entire plane: Oooooooooooooh!
Lady at the back (in French): We're still in Quebec, you know!
WestJet Flight
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Airports & flights | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Flight attendants | Geography | Insults | Language barrier | Public Transportation | Women | Posted 2008-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Knew What You Were Getting Into When You Agreed to Date Paul Bunyan
40-something woman: So now all my panties are gross and streched out.
Friend: What a jerk!
Macy's
Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: megansbaby
The Source of Her Confusion is That Her Ceiling is Covered with Postcards
Girl: Hey, how about this one? Have you heard the one about the ceiling?
Blonde: Um, no.
Girl: Oh, well never mind, it's *way* too over your head.
Blonde: No, tell me! I'm not that dumb!
Girl (shaking head): Never mind, you don't get it. Hmmm, what about the one about the postcard with no stamp? Oh, never mind, you wouldn't ever get it.
Blonde: Really, I think I could. Tell me, let me try!
Spring Grove, Pennsylvania
Let's See If She'll Be Trying with You After This
Cute chick in line: Oh! I want Haribo gummi bears! I need a snack to study effectively. There are lots of things I don't do effectively without snacking.
Boyfriend: Maybe you should try snacking next time we have sex. You know, maybe a little popcorn...a candy bar...
Cute chick: Are you saying my sex isn't effective? Well, maybe there won't be a next time.
Boyfriend: You know, you're not responding very well to constructive criticism. The solution is to keep trying, not to give up.
CVS
University City, Philadelphia
Overheard by: justtryingtowaitinline
That's What Grrrl Power Means
Girl #1: I have to gloat a little. Who's the perv now, bitches?
Girl #2: Still us.
Girl #1: Well, duh, still us. But now them, too!
Girl #2: Totally.
Maynard, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Insults | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2008-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Puppy: Hey, I May Be Dinner-- Cut Me Some Slack
Middle aged tourist with shopping bags moving towards a small puppy: Well, my oh my, aren't you the sweetest looking thing in the world!
Puppy: (barks)
Middle aged tourist: Oh, go fuck yourself!
Bangkok
Thailand
Overheard by: Adair
NewsFlash: "Your Mom" Replaces "That's What She Said" As Laziest Insult
Girl: I think the live-action of GTO is so much better.
Guy: I think the live action of your mom is so much better.
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Insults | Pennsylvania | Pop culture | TV shows | Posted 2008-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See? Was That So Hard, Pancake-Chest?
Girl #1: Sometimes I judge you silently in my head.
Girl #2: Yeah, everyone does that. I think people should start saying what they're really thinking. We should all have running monologues about what's going through our heads.
Girl #1: Really?
Girl #2: Yeah. Like, this one time, me and my friend....
Girl #1: I think you're a bitch.
Starbucks
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Robert
Categories: California | Default | Feelings | Girls | Insults | Restaurants | Violence | Posted 2008-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dolly Parton Faced Animosity Upon Returning to School
Student to another: Okay! Whatever, hooker hair!
University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill
Overheard by: Li'l Bit
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Hair | Insults | North Carolina | Students | Words | Posted 2008-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet the Hippest Kids in Montana
Tall adolescent: Peach sucks. Daisy's okay, but peach sucks.
Short adolescent: See, I've always been more of a toad fan. Even if he does look kind of like a circumcised wang.
Tall adolescent: Oh, you.
Missoula, Montana
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Games | Insults | Montana | Penis | Pop culture | Teens | Posted 2008-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You and Your Wily Little Electrolytes!
Flamboyant male: Fuck you, Gatorade! Fuck you!
SUNY Purchase
New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Insults | New York | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Damn Third Commandment Always Trips Me Up
Good Catholic schoolboy to friend who just recited a really long prayer: Good job! You only missed one word. This one can be really hard and you almost got it perfect.
Bad Catholic schoolboy: God dammit! Jesus Christ, I'm never gonna get this bullshit memorized!
Goretti-Neumann High
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: lora
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Education | Etiquette | Friends | Guys | Insults | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Words | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Everyone Hates Them, Why Do They Still Exist?
Acting professor: He was a mime...son of a bitch! He and his wife were both mimes. Mimes! Mimes! Mimes!
Point Park University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Insults | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Teachers | Posted 2008-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"My Hatred for Teaching Is Vast As the Ocean"
English teacher: Can anyone tell me what the definition of a simile is?
Student: Like your ass...
English teacher: What did you say!?
Student: Like or as?
English teacher: Oh...yeah.
St. Joesph High School
New Jersey
Overheard by: Davel
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Insults | New Jersey | Questions | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe I Should've Selected a Photo Where I Wasn't Holding a Beer-Bong?
Guy: So they sent me something saying they had received my application and said it would take six to eight weeks. I got a rejection letter the next day. Bitchbags.
Wake Forest University
Winston-Salem, North Carolina