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Probably Mr. Marcus Doesn't, Either
Girl, pulling up in her SUV: Hey, Marcus.
Guy #1: Hey.
Girl: How ya doin'?
Guy #1: Good, good.
(girl drives away)
Guy #2: Why'd she call you Marcus?
Guy #1: I don't know that bitch.
Newark, Delaware
...Is the Moral Of Every Law and Order Episode
Chick: We just have to accept that people are crazy-ass bitches.
Friend: Apparently.
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Leevee
Is That by Herbal Essences?
Bottle blonde: Oh my god, you have to tell me where you got your color done!
Natural blonde gentleman: Bitch, this comes from Adonis genes gifted from on high.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Dr. Iniego Strangelove
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Euphemisms | Florida | Girls | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Science | Posted 2009-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Lip Rings Are Less Work Than Babies
Customer to cashier with lip rings: Okay, two questions. One, did that hurt?
Cashier: Um, not as much as I thought it would.
Customer: Second question, why did you do that?!
Cashier, speechless: Uhm...honestly...
Friend of customer: Ah, hell man, because she likes it. Shit!
Music Store
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: I've got metal in my face too...
Just Don't Expect It to Say Your Name
English professor: Make that language your bitch.
Ursinus College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Insults | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't All Women Talk Shit Behind Your Back?
Asian guy #1: She's the kind of woman who stands to the side, but she's also the kind of woman who talks shit behind your back.
Asian guy #2: Yeah, traditional Asian bitch.
UCSD
San Diego, California
Categories: Asians | California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Geography | Guys | Insults | Posted 2009-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Quiz: Which Of These Statements Is True About Audrina from The Hills?
Guy #1, shocked and angry: Dude, she's autistic!
Guy #2: Yeah! But she's a full functioning autistic, so fuck you for judging.
Ikea
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Ferdinand
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Insults | Maladies | Stores | Washington | Posted 2009-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Exactly What Jesus Said in the New Testament Director's Cut
Girl praying at roadside cemetery to boys whistling and yelling out of car window: For fucks sake! I'm trying to fucking pray here you motherfuckers!" (returns to praying).
Sandgate Cemetery
Newcastle
Australia
I'm Not Sure That's What's Meant by "Love God"
Teenage girl #1: Oh god, I want to fuck him so badly.
Teenage girl #2: Oh my god, you whore! You don't fuck him! You make sweet, sweet love to him.
Summit, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Insults | New Jersey | Sex | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What My Shrink Said!
Girl: I feel like, you know, I'm, like, going out with a different guy almost every single night. You know?
Guy: Well, I think that's because you're a whore.
University of Pennsylvania
Overheard by: oh well, okay
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Insults | Pennsylvania | Questions | Words | Posted 2009-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Video That Should Be Shown in Driver Training
Friend #1, driving: Yeah, she'll be okay with it, she'll just be like...oh, motherfucker, I'll stab you in the face!!
Friend #2: What?
Friend #1: She'll be okay with it, though, she'll just be like...pedidle!
Friend #2: (silence)
Friend #1: What?! Did you see that car? She'll be okay with it, she'll just be like, oh...okay.
Bentleyville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: concerned friend
Categories: Body parts | Default | Friends | Games | Insults | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2009-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Think Church Is Working for You, Ramón
Guy: Who's that?
Girl: That's jenny.
Guy: How do we know her?
Girl: From church. She's so humble and pretty! And to think she looks like that after giving birth!
Guy: Ugh! What a bitch!
Mall
Manila
Philippines
The Beginning Of This Season's Greatest Love Story
Bag lady: Any money you can spare for the homeless?
College girl: No, I'm sorry.
Bag lady: Well, fuck you, you sexy bitch!
Washington, DC
Overheard by:
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Insults | Offers and requests | Questions | Students | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2009-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hence the Babies
Hispanic teenager with baby, yelling out of bus doors: You're an icy bitch!
Chinese woman, muttering loudly: Fucking immigrants.
Bus Station
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: another immigrant
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Default | Foreigners | Girls | Illinois | Insults | Race | Women | Posted 2009-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Was All Just Whatever About Whatever
Girl #1: Do you remember that chick we saw that time?
Girl #2: The one at that place?
Girl #1: Yeah, wait, no, that other place.
Girl #2: Yeah. What a whore.
Girl #1: I know, right?
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: not that chick
SVU: Tucson Failed to Catch on with Viewers
Crazy man to woman walking to her car: Sir! Sir! There is evidence here that there has been sexual activity in this area!
Woman: (silence)
Crazy man (under breath): Lazy pig.
Parking Garage
Tucson, Arizona
To Avoid Shopping Tantrums, See That Your Husband Is Properly Fed and Watered
Husband trying on sandals: There's too much bullshit. What is all this bullshit on here?
Wife: I don't know...there's a lot of stuff.
Husband: It's too much bullshit. I'm not paying for all this bullshit.
Leesburg Corner Outlet Mall
Leesburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Nat
Fuck It, You Know What? I Did
Guy on cell: Did they sell their house? (pause) Ohhh, they couldn't sell the house! (pause) Yeah...that makes sense! Ain't nobody can't get credit now, ho! (pause) Wait, I didn't mean to call you a ho, grandma.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Default | Family ties | Guys | Insults | Other sites | Questions | Posted 2009-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah? Shalom, Baby
Black man, approaching black woman wrapped in garments with only her eyes visible: Salam Aleikum.
Woman: I'm not Muslim, muthafucka, I'm cold!
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Michael
Whereas My Beer Belly Is a Perfect Sphere
Male student to girlfriend: Your body is uneven!
George Mason University
Fairfax County, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Insults | Students | Virginia | Posted 2008-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Merde on the WestJet Express
Flight attendant: So I'm gonna let the lady in the box [the recording] take it away in French, then I'll finish up in English, because we like to save the best for last!
Entire plane: Oooooooooooooh!
Lady at the back (in French): We're still in Quebec, you know!
WestJet Flight
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Airports & flights | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Flight attendants | Geography | Insults | Language barrier | Public Transportation | Women | Posted 2008-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Knew What You Were Getting Into When You Agreed to Date Paul Bunyan
40-something woman: So now all my panties are gross and streched out.
Friend: What a jerk!
Macy's
Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: megansbaby
The Source of Her Confusion is That Her Ceiling is Covered with Postcards
Girl: Hey, how about this one? Have you heard the one about the ceiling?
Blonde: Um, no.
Girl: Oh, well never mind, it's *way* too over your head.
Blonde: No, tell me! I'm not that dumb!
Girl (shaking head): Never mind, you don't get it. Hmmm, what about the one about the postcard with no stamp? Oh, never mind, you wouldn't ever get it.
Blonde: Really, I think I could. Tell me, let me try!
Spring Grove, Pennsylvania
Let's See If She'll Be Trying with You After This
Cute chick in line: Oh! I want Haribo gummi bears! I need a snack to study effectively. There are lots of things I don't do effectively without snacking.
Boyfriend: Maybe you should try snacking next time we have sex. You know, maybe a little popcorn...a candy bar...
Cute chick: Are you saying my sex isn't effective? Well, maybe there won't be a next time.
Boyfriend: You know, you're not responding very well to constructive criticism. The solution is to keep trying, not to give up.
CVS
University City, Philadelphia
Overheard by: justtryingtowaitinline
That's What Grrrl Power Means
Girl #1: I have to gloat a little. Who's the perv now, bitches?
Girl #2: Still us.
Girl #1: Well, duh, still us. But now them, too!
Girl #2: Totally.
Maynard, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Insults | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2008-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Puppy: Hey, I May Be Dinner-- Cut Me Some Slack
Middle aged tourist with shopping bags moving towards a small puppy: Well, my oh my, aren't you the sweetest looking thing in the world!
Puppy: (barks)
Middle aged tourist: Oh, go fuck yourself!
Bangkok
Thailand
Overheard by: Adair
NewsFlash: "Your Mom" Replaces "That's What She Said" As Laziest Insult
Girl: I think the live-action of GTO is so much better.
Guy: I think the live action of your mom is so much better.
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Insults | Pennsylvania | Pop culture | TV shows | Posted 2008-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See? Was That So Hard, Pancake-Chest?
Girl #1: Sometimes I judge you silently in my head.
Girl #2: Yeah, everyone does that. I think people should start saying what they're really thinking. We should all have running monologues about what's going through our heads.
Girl #1: Really?
Girl #2: Yeah. Like, this one time, me and my friend....
Girl #1: I think you're a bitch.
Starbucks
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Robert
Categories: California | Default | Feelings | Girls | Insults | Restaurants | Violence | Posted 2008-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dolly Parton Faced Animosity Upon Returning to School
Student to another: Okay! Whatever, hooker hair!
University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill
Overheard by: Li'l Bit
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Hair | Insults | North Carolina | Students | Words | Posted 2008-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet the Hippest Kids in Montana
Tall adolescent: Peach sucks. Daisy's okay, but peach sucks.
Short adolescent: See, I've always been more of a toad fan. Even if he does look kind of like a circumcised wang.
Tall adolescent: Oh, you.
Missoula, Montana
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Games | Insults | Montana | Penis | Pop culture | Teens | Posted 2008-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You and Your Wily Little Electrolytes!
Flamboyant male: Fuck you, Gatorade! Fuck you!
SUNY Purchase
New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Insults | New York | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Damn Third Commandment Always Trips Me Up
Good Catholic schoolboy to friend who just recited a really long prayer: Good job! You only missed one word. This one can be really hard and you almost got it perfect.
Bad Catholic schoolboy: God dammit! Jesus Christ, I'm never gonna get this bullshit memorized!
Goretti-Neumann High
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: lora
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Education | Etiquette | Friends | Guys | Insults | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Words | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Everyone Hates Them, Why Do They Still Exist?
Acting professor: He was a mime...son of a bitch! He and his wife were both mimes. Mimes! Mimes! Mimes!
Point Park University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Insults | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Teachers | Posted 2008-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"My Hatred for Teaching Is Vast As the Ocean"
English teacher: Can anyone tell me what the definition of a simile is?
Student: Like your ass...
English teacher: What did you say!?
Student: Like or as?
English teacher: Oh...yeah.
St. Joesph High School
New Jersey
Overheard by: Davel
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Insults | New Jersey | Questions | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe I Should've Selected a Photo Where I Wasn't Holding a Beer-Bong?
Guy: So they sent me something saying they had received my application and said it would take six to eight weeks. I got a rejection letter the next day. Bitchbags.
Wake Forest University
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Guys | Insults | North Carolina | Time Management | Posted 2008-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Practically the Only Thing in Ottawa You Haven't Done
Slutty teen in very short skirt (yelling): Yo,what time is it?
Drunk passerby : (shows watch on wrist)
Slutty teen (indignantly): Like, I don't do analogue, bitch!
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Default | Drunks | Insults | Questions | Strangers | Technology | Teens | Time Management | Posted 2008-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Have Merit Badges in Blasphemy and Obscenity
Woman, crossing in front of two Scouts: Shit! Oh, I'm sorry!
Scout to another: We could top that.
Slatersville, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Ben Jam'in
Why Won't You Live Down to My Expectations of You?
Cabbie: Hey, ever get the urge to just whip out your puppies for the driver?
Girl: Um, no. (several minutes later, while getting out) Cabbie whores!
Las Vegas, Nevada
Categories: Conductors | Default | Girls | Guys | Insults | Nevada | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I Sleep with the Staff at Crunch in Exchange for Membership
Girl #1: You're a fat whore. Well...minus the fat part.
Girl #2: Whatever. I'd rather be a whore than fat.
Girl #3: I like your morals!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Diet & weight | Girls | Insults | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2008-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well He Is the One Who Taught Me How to Do a Ponytail Poof
Girl with ponytail poof: He said I'm a stereotype, not an individual.
Blonde friends: That is so gay.
College, Tacoma
Overheard by: Kai
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Girls | Insults | Philosophy | Sexuality | Washington | Posted 2008-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Got My NASCAR Merit Badge!
Dancing girl #1: How do you know how to line dance?
Dancing girl #2: I was a Girl Scout!
Dancing girl #1: What? Are all Girl Scouts rednecks?
Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Dancing | Default | Insults | Questions | Posted 2008-11-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Non-PC Conversation Occurs at Frat Party. Film at 11.
Girl #1: Do you think the actress who plays the deaf girl on Weeds is actually deaf? She looks deaf.
Girl #2: You're retarded.
Girl #1: That's not very PC.
overheardatnu.blogspot.com
Overheard by: jessica l
Not As Gross As Mickey Mouse Christmas Ornaments, Honey
Hallmark salesgirl: My stomach really hurts.
Queer: Does your face hurt too?
Hallmark salesgirl (long pause): Oh my god, gross!
McLean, Virginia
I'm Singlehandedly Working to Clean Up Her Rep
Guy to friend: No, man, I mean...she's not a *whore* whore, just a whore.
Outside City Bistro
Hoboken, New Jersey
Overheard by: Chris Maimone
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Guys | Insults | New Jersey | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2008-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Woman With a Full Bladder Stops Believing in Multitasking
(in the ladies' restroom, after seeing camera flash from inside a stall)
Angry blonde in line: Oh, come on! There's a whole line of people out here who have to pee, and you twits are in there taking fucking pictures for your damn MySpace pages.
Two girls in one stall: We're just peeing.
Angry blonde, to no one in particular: Who the hell takes pictures of themselves on the damn toilet anyway? I can just see the caption on that one... "Night at Zen, usin' the potty." Jeez!
(the two girls come out of the stall, obviously offended...in full 80s garb).
Angry blonde: Bwaaahhhaaaaa hhhaaaa hhhaaaa, (deadpan) Fucking losers!
Zen Night Club
Addison, Texas
Overheard by: If she hadn't said it, I would have
So Let's Let Liquor Decide
Layer-wearing college student: We went to Ikea in a Zipcar, and some jerk had left all their Starbucks trash in the front seat.
Queer: You are such a trendy bitch I don't know whether to hug you or puke on your shoes.
Newbury Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: i'd go with puke
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Insults | Massachusetts | Queers | Students | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-10-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Believe It's Pronounced "Ho"
Tiny girl to friend: You're not fat, you're Santa Claus-esque. Get it right, whore.
Coronado Middle School
Coronado, California
Overheard by: they won the game
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Diet & weight | Friends | Girls | Insults | Kids | Santa Claus | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Words | Posted 2008-10-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
Spoiled overtanned blonde: Oh my god, my ex just texted me to go fucking die. How do you spell "psycho?"
Philadelphia, Pennsyvania
This Is the Same Girl Who Checks Out the Basement in Horror Movies
Crying girl to boyfriend: But I love you! You love me!
Boyfriend: Listen very carefully to me. I fucked her. You shouldn't have been a bitch to me about your friends. Now you can get over this and stop being a bitch and we can go get dinner and ice cream and then go home and fuck like sexy little drunk bunnies, or you can keep it up and find yourself without a boyfriend. Your call. Move on and be in love with me, or be a bitch and get dumped.
Girlfriend, still crying: I'm sorry.
Boyfriend: I know. It's okay.
Atlanta, Georgia
Kid's Got a Point
Two-year-old girl: Fuck that. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck!
Orthodontist
Gilbert, Arizona
Overheard by: KBizz
Eli Whitney: I Swear, Sir, That Was Never My Intention!
Drunk college girl: She doesn't use tampons because she doesn't want anything up there except her husband's dick? So, if she used tampons she'd be like, "Oh, I'm sorry honey, I lost my virginity to a cotton stick?" What a retard!
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Megan
Categories: Default | Drunks | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Penis | Relationships | Sorority types | Stupidity | Tennessee | Posted 2008-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Obviously It's Not Bitchy After All
Girl on cell: I overheard some chick at a bus stop talking shit about how some other girl shouldn't have been wearing some outfit because she didn't have the body for it. At first, I thought "what a bitch!" then I realized we have that exact same conversation all the time.
Venice, California
Categories: California | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Diet & weight | Girls | Insults | On the phone | Posted 2008-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Training Begins in the Womb
Drunk guy: Excuse me assholes, pregnant woman coming through.
Drunk pregnant wife: I fell down the stairs yesterday, my baby is like one of the warriors from 300.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: MN
So I Just Raised One Eybrow and Smiled at Her
Guy on cell: And I wanted to say, essentially, "Bitch, my office manages eight billion a year, so shut the fuck up"--but in the refined and enlightened way one would say such a thing in the country club dining room.
Santa Rosa, California
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Guys | Insults | Money | On the phone | Posted 2008-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Dallas Vacation Really Makes You Appreciate New York
Queer to friend: It's pretentious, it's stupid, it sucks, and I love it.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: keeeem
That, and She Can't Play Softball for Shit
Teen girl #1: Jenny's gay.
Teen girl #2: I am not!
Teen girl #1: I'm just kidding. You are definitely the most heterosexual girl I know.
(pause)
Teen girl #3: Way to call Jenny a slut.
San Luis Obispo, California
Overheard by: urzzz
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Insults | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2008-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Almost As If Drinking Affected My Judgment in Some Way
Guy #1: I once tried to hit on a chick while I was drunk and throwing up, but now that's just a fun story I tell and nobody lost their respect for me.
Guy #2: Except for the girl you were hitting on.
Guy #1: Well, I don't know. Her nickname was "dicktooth."
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Take That Little Hat Off It, Timmy
Two-year-old: Daddy, do I have a penis?
Father: Yes, you do.
Two-year-old: Ha ha! Silly penis.
Chicago, Illinois
That's the Way You Need It
Man, rolling down window after being cut off in traffic: Motherfucker, you're lucky I'm listening to Journey!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: anyway you want it.
Categories: Default | Guys | Insults | Music | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Golden Girls Had Been a Cable Show
60-something daughter: Mother, your hair looks like crap. You cannot wear your hair like that on Easter.
80-something mother: I do not give a rat's ass what my hair has to do with it. What does Easter have to do with it?
6o-something daughter: Mother! You are going to hell for saying that!
80-something mother: I'm going to hell for saying "Easter"?
60-something daughter: No, mother, for saying "ass"! For saying "ass" on Easter!
80-something mother: Oh, hell, really? Well, most of my family's going to hell anyway, so Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass! So, there! Happy?
Grandma's house
Illinois
Whoever Cares the Least Wins the Fight
Woman (sarcastically): I'm sorry, I'm such a bitch.
Man: Hmm...
Woman: You think I'm a bitch, don't you?
Man: I didn't say that.
Woman: You didn't disagree with me.
Man: You know yourself better than I do.
Woman: I can't believe you called me a bitch.
Man: I didn't call you a bitch, you called yourself a bitch.
Woman: But you didn't tell me I'm not a bitch.
Man: Because you're acting like a bitch.
Woman: See? You think I'm a bitch!
Man: I said you were acting like a bitch.
Woman: Whats the difference?
Man: Dustin Hoffman acted like a retard, but it doesn't mean he is one.
Woman: I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but you're a dick for thinking I'm a bitch.
Man: Do you mean I'm acting like a dick or I am a dick?
Woman: Fuck you! (storms out)
Man: Too easy. Caramel Macchiato please!
Starbucks
Westminster, Colorado
Categories: About celebrities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Insults | Movies | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Most of Us Feel About Seventh Heaven
Boi lesbian talking to shorter boi lesbian: Those motherfuckers are sweet as shit. Those bitches make me sick.
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: Maybe she likes them to be mean?
Categories: Default | Insults | Lesbos | Sexuality | Washington | Posted 2008-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Got My Own Personal Trail Of Tears Over Here
Crazy old white lady trying on wedding veil: So I always wondered why I didn't look good in these things...until 2004.
Disinterested customer: Oh?
Crazy old white lady: Yeah, then I found out I was part Native American. At least 5%.
Disinterested customer (confused): Oh...?
Crazy, old white lady: Yeah. That's why I don't look good in veils. Cause we Native Americans don't wear them.
Disinterested customer: I got married in a courthouse.
Crazy old white lady: I hate to say it since I am part white, but damn those white people!
Goodwill
Altoona, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clothes | Crazies | Customers | Default | Family ties | History | Insults | Mental illnesses | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Race | Stores | Whiteys | Women | Posted 2008-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Role Of the Town Crier Has Become Distorted Over the Years
Pubescent boy screaming at elderly passerby: Fuck you! Fuck you! You, right there! Fuck you! (aside) Man, I gotta write an email. (screaming again) Your mother has a dick!
Eastchester, New York
In Her Fifties, Mom's Censor Went Out on Strike
50-something mom: It was the first time I've ever heard Brian* call uncle Ned* a prick!
20-something son: Mom!
50-something mom: I don't even know what that is, a prick.
20-something son: Don't worry about it.
50-something mom: Well, Brian's right. Ned is a prick, whatever that is.
Woodbridge, Virginia
Overheard by: Cols
Implant It There, If You Will
Woman on cell: So I told him to quit being a titty and put it in the backseat.
Amarillo, Texas
Overheard by: Flossy Jossie
Categories: Default | Insults | Offers and requests | On the phone | Texas | Women | Posted 2008-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Arsenal Is Losing the Battle for Hearts and Minds
Englishman in Manchester City shirt: Oi, is that a Manchester United shirt?
Eight-year-old Japanese boy: Herro.
Englishman in Manchester City shirt: Hello, you cunt.
Japan
Categories: Asia | Asians | Clothes | Default | Foreigners | Gym rats | Insults | Kids | Language barrier | Questions | Posted 2008-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some People Just Look Better with Misshapen Skulls
Guy #1 (after guy #2 leaves): Man, I hate him so much.
Girl: What? Why?
Guy #1: Ever since he fell out that window and almost died and shit, girls have been all over him. He's a goddam womanizer.
Girl: He is pretty cute.
Houston, Texas
Categories: Compliments | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Insults | Texas | Posted 2008-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Always Chewing Up Movies Like Independence Day
Professor, to VCR: Oh, you socialist!
Tantasqua High School
Fiskdale, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Kat
Categories: Default | Insults | Massachusetts | Politics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2008-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ooo--Indian Burrrnnn!
Drunk girl screaming: No one here cares about any of the issues. None of you are from here. That just makes me sick, none of you are fucking from here.
Bus driver over PA: Sweetie, unless your name is Pocahontas, you're not from here either.
NJ Transit Bus
Categories: Bus drivers | Default | Drunks | Geography | Gripes | Insults | Names | New Jersey | Pop culture | Posted 2008-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Future, Refrain from Writing "Fuck All Bitches" in Your Essays
Sociology professor: Did you ever listen to something the first time and like it, and then later on you change your mind? Like a song you listen to for the second time says "fuck all bitches" and you decide you don't like it after that?
Long Island University
New York
Overheard by: Ashley M.
One With a Minimum-Wage Support Staff
Student to college secretary: Have any peppermints?
Receptionist: As in candy?
Student: Yeah. Peppermints.
Receptionist: Um, no?
Student: What kind of a dumb-ass school doesn't have peppermints?!?
University for Women
Mississippi
Overheard by: Megan S.
Categories: Candy | Colleges & Universities | Default | Insults | Mississippi | Questions | Students | Women | Posted 2008-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Having Missionary Sex Was Like Going on a Slip-n-Slide
Guy: Remember "sweaty boobs"?
Girl: What?
Guy: Remember he broke up with her because she had sweaty boobs!
Porter Exchange
Somerville, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Dave
Categories: Default | Girls | Guys | Insults | Massachusetts | Memory lane | Questions | Rack | Posted 2008-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Something Like That Is Close to a Man's Heart
Girlfriend: This is your out-of-town toothpaste.
Boyfriend: So?
Girlfriend: Look how fucked up it is!
Boyfriend: Don't start talking shit about my toothpaste!
Shelby, Michigan
Categories: Couples | Default | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Posted 2008-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Last Time I Tried That, the Other Girl and I Both Ended Up with Concussions
(women's restroom, a man in a Santa suit enters)
Drunk woman: Hey, you're not a boy!
Restroom attendant: You mean he's not a girl.
Drunk woman: Yeah, you're not a girl!
Drunk Santa: Ho ho ho, ladies! I just wanted to see what you wanted for Christmas!
Drunk woman: Huh?
Restroom attendant: I want money, haha!
Drunk Santa: Then cross your labia, ladies, and merry Christmas!
(he leaves)
Drunk woman: Wait, what?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Elizabeth
And She Totally Fled the Trade Towers on 9/11
Drunk hipster girl: Let's drunk dial Cameron!
Drunker hipster guy: I hate Cameron!
Drunkest hipster guy: You know what my biggest problem with Cameron is? She wasn't in New Orleans during hurricane Katrina.
Hollywood Bowl
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Chantily
Categories: California | Drunks | Guys | Hipsters | Insults | Offers and requests | Tourist attractions | Wishes | Posted 2008-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Miss Narcissus Suffers from Low Self-Esteem
Female office worker: Once I was at this club and there was a mirror across from me. Not only did I walk into it and break it accidentally, but before I did it, I remember looking at myself and saying, "Who is this bitch?" and then, crash. I talked shit about myself and then I broke the mirror.
Walnut Creek, California
Overheard by: trose
Categories: Beauty | California | Default | Insults | Memory lane | Questions | Women | Posted 2008-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only I'm Smart Enough to Charge for It
Girl #1: Oh my god, Jen* is such a skank!
Girl #2: Yeah, but if I was that good-looking I'd be a slut too!
Upper Hutt
New Zealand
Overheard by: Kat
Unless Those Were Giant Clogged Arteries?
Lady #1: Did you notice how sheer her skirt was? A woman that size should think about what she wears.
Lady #2: I could see her moles.
Theatre
Brisbane
Australia
...Roll Videotape, Please
Professor: Then the electrons are passed around like a hot potato or, you know, a cheerleader.
Radford University, Virginia
That, and All the Hors D'Oeuvres Were Sprinkled with Lithium
Chick #1: But everyone was happy. It was a happy funeral.
Chick #2: Wow, your grandma must have been a real bitch.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Death & dying | Family ties | Happiness | Insults | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Sense That I Won't Do the Reading Anyway
Spacey English major: So... he's a queer writer, right?
Surprised teaching assistant: No. He's just Jewish American.
Spacey English major: Oh, same thing.
University of Tennessee
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Jessica
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Insults | Religion | Sexuality | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Tennessee | Posted 2008-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now She's Standing on Her Head to Keep It There
Old woman to granddaughter: I saw her the other day, and all the fat from her face has slipped down to her boobs.
Piccadilly Circus
London
England
Overheard by: lola
You're Like Two-Legged Mace
Girl (about her college): The on-campus security is really good too, the campus police will get to you in like, 30 seconds. I'm still thinking about getting mace or something.
Girl's younger brother: No one wants to rape you.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Quazarfreez
The Female Equivalent Of, "Do You Have Any Balls?"
Ghetto chick screaming at other: Do you deserve your ovaries? I parked your car for you, bitch!
Porter Square
Somerville, Massachusetts
Overheard by: well, do you?
Categories: Chicks | Default | Gender issues | Insults | Massachusetts | Uterus | Posted 2008-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Karma Chameleon's a Bitch
Girl #1: I bet she has scabies.
Girl #2: Yeah, probably.
Girl #1: Actually, I'm not sure I know what scabies is.
Girl #2: Well, if you can get it from a lizard she probably has it.
Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
She Doesn't Even Recognize Our Sincere and Unyielding Love for Children
Pre-school teacher #1: Which kids do you want in your group today?
Pre-school teacher #2: Oh, I don't really care. Just not Monica*. I cant stand her.
Pre-school teacher #1: Yeah, I know. It's like it's her period every friggin' day!
Pre-school teacher #2: Yeah, she's such a little frigid bitch!
New York City, New York
Overheard by: first day on the job
Not the First Time He's Had to Clarify That Today
Guy: That motherfucking cop has driven past here twice in the last fifteen minutes.
Cop (on car's loudspeaker): I'm not a motherfucker.
University of Georgia
Athens, Georgia
Overheard by: Anne
How This Relates to Organic Chemistry Will Soon Become Clear
Professor: And you go home and watch something dumb on TV, like that Tila Tequila show with the lesbians and the guys... I don't understand who would want to date her anyway, she looks like a disease on legs.
Harbor College, California
We Should Interview Her for That Vacancy in the Ugly Friend Department
Teen girl #1: Hey, you know the chubby girl in chorus, right?
Teen girl #2: Elizabeth?
Teen girl #1: No, I'm talking about the whale.
(teen girl #1 makes elephant noises)
Teen girl #2: The one that laughs like a jackal?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, her!
Teen girl #2: Oh my god, I love her.
Teen girl #1: Me too! She's great...
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Drama Eavesdropper
It Kind of Unloaded on Us, If You Follow Me
Religious nut: Go back to the kitchen!
Gay girl #1: We do it in the kitchen!
Gay girl #2: Oh yeah. That's the day we realized our dishwasher had wheels.
Pride Parade
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: Cade
Categories: Default | Girls | Insults | Lesbos | New Mexico | Pride | Religious fanatics | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2008-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Until He Deserted Me
Teenage girl on cell: I hung out with that camel.
Eagle, Idaho
Overheard by: Giles
Categories: Animals | Default | Girls | Idaho | Insults | On the phone | Relationships | Teens | Posted 2008-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How the Woodland Park Zoo Became a Disco Inferno
Trashy mom trying to get toddler to leave an animal exhibit: Get over here or I'll whop your butt!
(five seconds later) And give me back my lighter!
Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Jenster
Categories: Default | Insults | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Smoking | Threats | Tourist attractions | Washington | Posted 2008-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Giving Head
Girl #1: Well, you know she gave that guy a blow job when three other people were in the room. Someone was bound to find out.
Girl #2: I've never even done it in front of people.
Girl #1: Me either, I'm not that slutty.
Younger girl with them: Oh, guess just me then?
Girl #1: You gave someone a blowjob with people watching?!
Younger girl: Uh, yeah. Back when I was 15 and drunk.
Girl #1: I'm your aunt: should you really have told me that, McSlutty?
Park
San Diego, California
Categories: Age and ageing | BJs | California | Default | Drinking & drunks | Family | Family ties | Girls | Insults | Memory lane | Names | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He Was All, "But I'm Just the Babysitter!"
Lady to friend: So I told him... ten dollars for a hand job!
Friend: Good for you! What an asshole!
Ashland & North Ave
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compliments | Default | Friends | Illinois | Insults | Money | Offers and requests | Sex | Women | Posted 2008-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Concludes My Essay on "Who I Admire Most"
High school student: She's a two faced bitch, but not in a bad way.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: emily
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Insults | Overheard Lines | Students | Teens | Words | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lady, You Live in the Wrong Fucking State
Older woman working out with personal trainer: I'm almost 70 years old. Ask me how much I care how I look. I don't even have a mirror in my bathroom. I was just interested in a chemical peel. They wanted to roll my skin up over my head, take out the fat, then roll it down again, not to mention take out my liver and kidney. And the woman that's dragging me around to this stuff? She's a gusher. I hate gushers. She says: "We'll go through this together". She says: "Ask the gods." Can you imagine me asking the gods for a facelift? What blasphemy. She says: "Tell me about yourself". I say: "You mean the heroin addiction?" She says: "Really?" I say: "Yeah, it was after my two daughters were born, when I started robbing banks to support us." Honestly, everything has to be so sordid before someone will listen to you. You have to have an incestuous affair or something. When in reality, I work all day, then come home and watch TV like the rest of the human race.
Women's gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: Trying not to howl with laughter
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Old folks | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Putting Mayo on French Fries
Jock on cell: I bet he's a lame fuck. He wouldn't do any of that weird stuff you like.
Barton Springs Pool
Austin, Texas
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Insults | Jocks | Kink | On the phone | Texas | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I'm Sorry I Did That, Amber
English teacher: Calling someone a douche is not a constructive comment, even if it's true.
Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Insults | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | South Carolina | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How You Know This Wasn't Overheard in New York
Red-faced man, shouting furiously into cell: Now you listen to me you... (sees small children nearby) pluck-arsed parrot.
Gouger Street, Adelaide, South Australia
Elmer and Mrs Fudd Are Justifiably Proud of Their Daughter
PSU freshman (attempting to flirt): Wow, that's an amazing accent! Is it British?
Cute freshman who says Rs like Ws: Actually, it's a speech impediment.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: ellen
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Insults | Language barrier | Overheard in PDX | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially the One from Little House on the Prairie
Very obnoxious drunk man to long-suffering waitress: Hey, what's your name, anyway?
Waitress (coldly): Melissa.
Drunk man (softly): Awww, my daughter's name is Melissa.
Waitress: Well, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we usually turn out slutty.
Bar
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Comebacks | Creepsters | Customers | Default | Drunks | Family ties | Guys | Insults | Names | Questions | Servers | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Technique's Right Out Of The Shaolin Cookbook
Girl on bus: So, I'm like: "Bitch, you can't question my big fork usage!"
99 Bus
Vancouver
Canadia
It's Hard to Be Sure, but I Think I Won
College girl: And then she got all high and mighty about it. She was like: "Remember when you passed out in my bathroom? I do!" And I was like: "Remember when you were born and looked like a man? I do!"
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Insults | Kids | New York | Sorority types | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Wonder What Happens to the Child Actors on SVU?
Mother to impatient son: Do you want to show me how you count?
Five-year-old: Ok. One. Two. Three. Fuck.
Mother: What!? Adam*, you know you're not supposed to say...
Four-year-old: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Mother: Adam*, I said stop! That's a very, very bad word.
Four-year-old, putting hands on ears: You fuck, you fuck, you fuck.
Holt Renfrew
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: M
It Was More of a Poem, Really
Guy: So I fell asleep in bio today and when I woke up this bitch was watching me.
Girl: Good story.
Guy: And then I sneezed.
Girl: [Laughs.] Wait, that was actually part of your story?
Hoboken, New Jersey
Dude, You Suck at the Dozens
Young thug #1: Your momma is a rat.
Young thug #2: At least she isn't a hood rat like your momma.
Young thug #1: Well at least everyone who is with my momma has a good time. I should know, I hear it.
Galleria
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: annoying blonde girl
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Insults | New York | Pride | Sexuality | Teens | Thugs | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to Our Bible --the Josie and the Pussycats Movie
Tween girl #1: Oh my god... You look so orange in that picture!
Tween girl #2: Bitch.
Tween girl #1: No! It's a good thing! Orange is the new pink!
Switzerland
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Europe | Friends | Girls | Insults | Sensory experiences | Tweens | Posted 2008-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Could Actually Sing
Guy to girl: You know, Mandy Moore made a bad decision going brunette. Now she looks like you, if you were a crack whore.
Oberlin College
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: emily
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Hair | Insults | Ohio | Posted 2008-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Those Poopyheads Have Already Exhausted Their Five Minutes of Fame
College girl: There, I've belittled and insulted The View without using the word "bitch" or the c-word.
Student Center, Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: ...and that itself is a feat
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Etiquette | Insults | New Jersey | Pride | Sorority types | TV shows | Words | Posted 2008-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Just Say That Because You're Failing Calculus
Undergrad: The whole reason I like the book was, like, because Isaac Newton is so badass!
Friend: I thought he was, like, an asshole.
Undergrad: No!
Carnegie Mellon University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: whatgoesup
Categories: Books | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Insults | Pennsylvania | Science | Students | Posted 2008-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Rain on Your Wedding Day, for Instance, Is Just Good Luck
[At computer lab.]
Student #1: Try looking up "irony-", that might work.
Student #2: Irony isn't even a word, idiot.
Royalton, Minnesota
Overheard by: Lynn
Freud: I'm Not Even Sure What She Wants
Girl #1: Yeah, that's not cool, but I understand. He sounds very immature.
Girl #2: He is. It's such a shame. I laid in bed last night reminiscing about the time I spent with him in bed. It's like I can still feel it. Too bad he's such an asshole, and too bad that good dick makes me so... not able to accept what a douchebag a guy really is.
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Feelings | Georgia | Girls | Gripes | Insults | Penis | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just the Guy We've Been Looking For!
Scientologist: Excuse me, sir. Would you like a free personality test from the Church of Scientology?
Suit: I don't need one. My wife says I'm an asshole.
Outside Church of Scientology, Yonge Street
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: lauren mcgoldrick
Categories: Canadia | Default | Hubbies | Insults | Offers and requests | Relationships | Religion | Religious fanatics | Suits | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Delta Burke Saw His Point
Bum women: Do you have bus fare? I need bus fare.
Woman: Sorry, I don't have any change.
Bum: Well, fuck you, you fat, scheming, cheap bitches!
Main Street
Hartford, Connecticut
Categories: Bag ladies | Character | Connecticut | Grumpies | Insults | Money | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Women | Posted 2008-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Was "No Upper-Body Strength"
Female student #1: Eeew, she has a rolling backpack, you know what that means...
Female student #2: Whore?
Female student #1: Absolutely not what I was going to say.
San Francisco, California
No Good Ever Comes of Communication
Wife: Do you like my new hairstyle?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: That's it? Just "yep"?
Husband: Looks very different. It'll be like having sex with another woman.
Wife: Asshole! Should have kept my mouth shut.
Husband: Yep.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Now In Stores, Ghetto Booty Barbie
Girl: Everyone knows Barbie is disproportional. Look! She has no butt! And her waist is tiny.
[Pause.]
Professor: I bet black Barbie has a big butt.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Compare and contrast | Girls | Insults | Race | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The San Francisco Equivalent of a Nice Dinner and Jewelry
Angry suit on cell: I cleaned out my ass for you, bitch!
On the Street
San Francisco, California
Categories: Ass | California | Cleanliness | Health & Hygiene | Insults | On the phone | Sexuality | Suits | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fred Discovers Urine in the Ball Pit
Guy shaking his fist: Damn you, Chuck E. Cheese!
New Jersey
Good Thing Pluto Didn't Hear That
Chocolate store girl: You're a dicksucker. You know that? I mean, why bother with you? You seen my ass, you know I'm good-looking. You're-.
Guy in Goofy costume, muffled: Whatever. There are other tits. I'll be just fine regardless. And just so you know [lowers voice as kids approach] you're gonna get us both fired if you keep this shit up.
Chocolate store girl, loudly: Fuck you, and fuck your fucking ass! I hope you get fired! Then you can go home and suck your asshole!
Guy in Goofy costume, losing it: Better than sucking your ex's dick when you're supposed to be working.
Chocolate store girl, stunned: Who told you that?!
Guy in Goofy costume: Jen, after I fucked her!
[Girl walks into the shop quickly and goes into back room looking like she's going to cry. Goofy goes back to wandering around aimlessly, waving to little kids.]
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: after that, my g/f and i applied for jobs there
Categories: BJs | Couples | Coworkers | Florida | Girls | Guys | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Relationships | Sex | Tourist attractions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember How I Said I Couldn't Come to Class Yesterday Morning Because I Was "Tied Up"?
Professor: Never spend the night with a Croatian! Those guys are fucked up.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Kinda Misleading That His Name's Mario, Though
Teen girl #1: Your dad could be a plumber because of his moustache.
Teen girl #2: My dad doesn't have a moustache.
Teen girl #1: Well I wish he did.
Teen girl #2: Too bad, bitch!
North Bay
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Shaving | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is the Moral of the Ant and Grasshopper Story
Lecturer: People who are happy, hopeful, and relaxed... are a pain in the ass.
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Character | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Happiness | Insults | New Zealand | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Maybe She Needed Out-of-This-World Sex
Guy on cell: Yeah, I hooked up with her. [pause] I fucked her. She was tight. [pause] She hasn't called me back. I don't get why it's so hard to take five seconds out of your day to see how I'm doing. [pause] She's, like, Asian. Half Asian and half alien.
Barnes & Noble
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Hobo
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Feelings | Geography | Gripes | Guys | Insults | On the phone | Sex | Stores | Words | Posted 2008-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Some Cultures, That's the Highest Compliment
Drunk girl yelling to bald guy from car window: You left your toupee in my vagina!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Paige & Liz
To Recap: I Rock, You Suck for Money, I Get Laid for Free
Ex-husband: I can't believe you brought a date to our divorce hearing.
Ex-wife: Fuck you! You hooked up with a girl in court.
Ex-husband: I didn't "hook-up" with her, we made plans for lunch today.
Ex-wife: And that's better?
Ex-husband: Actually, it's quite impressive. I rock, you suck, I'm getting laid tonight.
Ex-wife: I got laid last night.
Ex-husband: That's because you are a dirty hooker.
San Diego Family Court
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Sean
Categories: Bragging | California | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Guys | Insults | Pride | Relationships | Sex | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Wouldn't "Tight Asshole" Be Kinder?
Girl: So then I was about to call him a giant asshole, but I figured he'd take it as a compliment...
Guy: I get it! It's because he's gay!
University of Alabama
Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Assholes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Girls | Guys | Insults | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Need a Longer Break, "Fluffy Pink Clouds 101" Is Right Down the Hall
Linda: Ugh, this class is so depressing!
Professor: Let's all take ten seconds to think about baby lambs to make Linda feel happy. [pause] Okay, back to Terri Schiavo!
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Feelings | Girls | Gripes | Insults | New York | Offers and requests | Philosophy | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Doesn't Translate Well
Muslim girl: Ramadan Mubarak!
Girl: What does that mean?
Muslim girl: It means, like, "Yay, it's Ramadan!"
Girl: So, like ... "Yay, I'm not eating or having sex most of the day!"?
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Comebacks | Girls | Holidays | Insults | Language barrier | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | Words | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Even Get Me Started on Bob Barker
Teenage daughter: You just know Chuck Woolery was banging every chick on Love Connection.
Mother: Not in front of the 12-year-olds!
Teenage daughter: I dunno, Chuck Woolery is a pretty sick son of a bitch.
Grocery Store Parking Lot
Littleton, Colorado
Americans Have Always Been More Interested in Style Than in Content
British professor: I was walking around Oxford one day and I heard these two young lads, couldn't have been more than eight, say "bitches and hoes."
Student: Could you please say that phrase again?
British professor: ... No.
University of San Diego
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Leah
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Education | Etiquette | Foreigners | Insults | Kids | Offers and requests | Students | Teachers | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Escaped from the Closet and Alerted Red Riding Hood
Fat suit on cell: Damn that grandma!
Russell Square Station
London
England
Categories: Age and ageing | Family ties | Fat people | Guys | Insults | Public transportation | Suits | UK | Words | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Looks Who's Talking, Mister "The-Pirate-Movie-Was-Rated-Arrr"
Guy #1: What did the bear say when he walked into the bar?
Guy #2: [Blank stare.]
Guy #1: Roarrrr. He's a fucking bear, what else would he say! [Laughs out loud.]
Guy #2: I haven't seen you in two months, and this is what you start with? You are a fucking idiot.
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Amber
Later That Night, She Was Attacked in Her Bed with Maple Syrup
Professor: So what sorts of people travel abroad and exploit children that are forced into prostitution?
Student: Canadians.
[Class remains silent and professor stares.]
Student: ...I... Was just kidding.
Las Positas College
Livermore, California
Couldn't You Just Ask for the Air-speed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow?
Bouncer: I don't know... Do you have another piece of ID on you?
Blonde: No, but go ahead, ask me anything!
Bouncer: Why don't your shoes match your skirt?
London, Ontario
Canadia
Yeah, but We're Also in Boston
Girl #1: And yeah... She had these stains on her teeth.
Girl #2: Ew! Why... We're in America.
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Default | Feelings | Friends | Geography | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Massachusetts | Mouth | Stupidity | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Slylock Fox's Puzzle: How Many Things Are Wrong with This Conversation?
Thug sitting in traffic yelling into cell: I moved you and the goddamn kids out here! I robbed muthafuckas for you! I'm facing five to ten goddamn years for you, and I can't even get a goddamn thank you?! Bitch, you drunk?!
Highway
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: scaredspectator
If You Have to Tell Her, You're Doing It Wrong
Random guy: Man, you just gotta cowboy the fuck up and tell the dumb bitch you're doing her in the ass!
Moe's Southwest Grill
Norman, Oklahoma
Kid Must've Been Horrible to Get Taken to a Fabric Store
Six-year-old kid: Will you come over to our place?
Mom's friend: No.
Six-year-old kid: Why not?
Mom's friend: Because you're annoying.
Mom: See? I told you!
Fabric Store
DeKalb, Illinois
As I Have Noticed Your Lack of Training Wheels
Drunk girl in bar to bartender: You should be so lucky as to have sex with me.
Bartender: I wouldn't fuck you for practice.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: warm ups?
Gay Men Can't Drink Coffee? That's Crazy.
Crazy homeless lady to well-dressed businessman: Look at you with the coffee, you faggot, you just love dick in your ass!
Starbucks
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: trying to avoid her wrath
Categories: Ass | Backdoor | Bag ladies | Bars & Clubs | Character | Crazies | Default | Etiquette | Insults | Penis | San Francisco | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In That She's an American in a Brit's Body
Guy #1, after British tourists leave elevator: Stupid British bitches.
Guy #2: Wow, you hate Brits?
Guy #1: You know it.
Guy #2: But Maggie is British, and you like her.
Guy #1: Yeah, well, that's because Maggie is a tranny.
Hotel Whitcomb
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Adam
And Had a Dream About It.
Thug on cell: Fuck off, man. Don't even try arguing with me. I'm a fucking expert on this shit. I wikipedia-ed it last night.
Carousel Mall
Syracuse, New York
...and a Pussy
Blonde clone: It's not that we're both Leos. He's just a dick.
Westfield Mall
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Insults | Malls | Penis | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The French: "We're on Your Side?"
Professor: And the French, they?re only worth 2/3 of a person because, well, they?re on our side, but they don?t fight well.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Geography | Guys | History | Insults | Overheard at UMBC | Politics | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Told You Not to Call Me at Work, Grandma
Salesclerk: Your total is $1.81. [Into her cellphone.] Don't worry, girl, I am listening to yo' hideous self!
Lawrence, Kansas
Overheard by: kerblammerz
Surely Mrs. Clinton Has More to Say Than That
Guy: All I heard was, 'Blah, blah, blah, I'm a dirty tramp.'
Los Portales
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: girl at next table
She Only Meant You'll Spread Your Legs for Every Cock That Comes Your Way
Girl on phone: No, I'm sure she didn't mean that... No, really, you must have taken it wrong... No! Trust me, I'm sure when she called you a whore she didn't mean it that way!
Grand Valley State University
Allendale, Michigan
Overheard by: breakin-laker
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Insults | Lies | Michigan | On the phone | Words | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doesn't Seem Like Much of a Stretch for Either of Us
Preppy guy: You're such a bitch, Alexandra.
Alexandra: Thanks?
Preppy guy: No, in a good way.
Alexandra: How can you be a bitch in a good way?
Preppy guy: You're the kind of bitch that makes me wish I was gay so we could sit at an outside cafe and make fun of people's outfits when they walk by.
Starbucks, Newbury Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: i want to, too!
And If It Involves Glitter and Castor Oil, That's His Business
Tween boy to another: You seem very gay to me.
Woman with them: That's not very nice!
Tween boy: What? All I mean is he has a really busy social life.
Moon River Diner
Shanghai
China
Overheard by: MF in China
You're Both Right!
Preppy girl #1: Wow, now we all have the same necklace! We should all wear them the next time we go out!
Preppy girl #2: Yeah! We'd be like the Power Rangers or something!
Preppy girl #3: Or we'd be like douchebags.
Eastern Market
Washington, DC
Overheard by: office peon does d.c.
Categories: Comebacks | Default | Fashion | Girls | Insults | Offers and requests | Preppies | Stores | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ummm, We're at a Wal-Mart in Tennessee.
Mom: Do you want to take your coat off?
Toddler: Go to hell!
Wal-Mart
Hendersonville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Tanner
... After I Broke in and Changed All Your Answers to "Masturbation"?
Student: Yeah, she said 'good luck' to me. [Friend rolls eyes and shakes head.] I know. It's the University of Toronto -- she doesn't mean 'good luck.' What she really means is 'I hope you choke on a toothpick and die so I can get your spot in the program.'
Friend, sighing: It really is a shame this school has to be so competitive... How'd you do on that last test?
University of Toronto
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: A+
Mom Has Very High Standards
Lazy girl: So, I told my mom that you and I were going to take tennis lessons together in the summer.
Workout friend: Oh, yeah? What did she say?
Lazy girl: She just laughed at me.
Workout friend: Why?
Lazy friend: She said I was too slow, uncoordinated, and she didn't outright say it, but I'm sure she thinks I'm mildly retarded.
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: A mild case of the ADD
Distant, Constipated, and Lonely, That's the Life for You
Little old lady: Are you here to poop? That's what I just did. Everybody poops. It feels great! Such a relief!
Preschool girl: Yeah!
Girl's mom: Come on, honey... What have I told you about talking to crazy strangers?
Bathroom, Target
Novi, Michigan
Don't Even Bother to Answer Me
Mother: Why do people like you?
Teen daughter: What?!
Mother: I mean, why do people like to talk to you and be your friend? I just don't get it.
Fairfax, California
Categories: California | Default | Family ties | Girls | Insults | Jerks | Moms | Questions | Relationships | Teens | Posted 2008-02-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Further Evidence That Frat Boys Are Born, Not Made
Two-year-old: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy...
Mother, trying to talk to her friend: What?!
Two-year-old, thrusting pizza at her: Blow me!
Mom's friend: Well, that's one for the baby book.
Pizza Hut
Maryland
But No One Who Speaks German Could Be a Mean Guy!
American guy: Could you stamp my passport, please? It's a hobby of mine.
Passport checker to coworker, in German: These damn Americans always want something. Look, they've all got booze and bags and t-shirts. Now they want stamps.
American girl: Sir, I'd like mine stamped, too.
Passport checker, in German: I bet that girl was here to fuck guys. American girls become sluts in Europe.
American girl: Sir, that's not very nice!
Passport checker, still in German: I hate it when they know German. Then we can't talk about them!
Airport
Cologne
Germany