Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Holidays All Categories > Topics > Holidays
Recent | Best Of
Subcategories: Santa Claus |
You Know It's Creepy When You Call Your Mom That, Right?
Guy going on holidays to friend: If the opportunity presents itself, could you please not fuck my girlfriend?
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Friends | Guys | Holidays | Infidelity | Offers and requests | Sex | Posted 2010-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Well, This Has Been Fun. See You at Christmas!
Girl #1: Happy Easter! I love you!
Girl #2: Happy Easter! (pause) This is funny... We're both atheists.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Girls | Holidays | New Jersey | Religion | Posted 2010-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Burned My Eyebrows Off More Than Once
Girl #1: It's like those candy cigarettes you used to get at Halloween. It teaches kids bad principles.
Girl #2: Those taste like crap anyway.
Guy: Yeah, and they never catch.
Boone, North Carolina
Categories: Candy | Compare and contrast | Girls | Holidays | Smoking | Posted 2010-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Swing by the Great Wall on the Way?
Traveler with heavy European accent: So, can we drive to the Grand Canyon one day? We'd really like to see it while in America.
Dulles Airport
Washington, DC
Categories: Airports & flights | Foreigners | Holidays | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And a Fun and Flirty One
Girl, returning from holidays in America: So yeah, I got put in actual jail.
Friend: For drinking on the beach?
Girl: Yup, got the orange jumpsuit and all.
Friend: Did you get to keep it?
Girl: I didn't like to ask, to be honest. Would've been a savage souvenir, though.
UCC Campus
Ireland
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Girls | Holidays | Ireland | Questions | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With His Seductive Banjo Music?
Hispanic girlfriend: Why the hell do you get Cesar Chavez Day off of work? Do you even know who Cesar Chavez is?
White boyfriend: Didn't he drive the snakes out of Mexico?
Orange County, California
Overheard by: Hispanic girlfriend
No One Has Problems Like I Do!
Teary-eyed teen: But I don't wanna work...I wanna go to Istanbul!
Palmer, Alaska
Categories: Alaska | Compare and contrast | Holidays | Jobs & Careers | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Suddenly Had a Brilliant Idea.
Lady #1: My husband and I are going to Vegas tomorrow for four days. Our only trip without the kids. I am ticked because today I got my period.
Lady #2: Oh, what a pain in the ass.
Lady #1: Ahhhh?!
Hamburg, Michigan
Categories: Backdoor | Comebacks | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Michigan | Women | Posted 2009-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Chemical Element?
Drunk man to another: If I had a nose like fluorine I wouldn't be wishing anyone a merry Christmas.
Bar
Edinburgh
Scotland
Overheard by: Jesse Green
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Guys | Holidays | Scotland | Wishes | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even Nymphs and Satyrs Need a Day Off, Sir
Man wearing cargo pants, on day before Easter: So what's this foolishness about you guys being closed tomorrow?
YMCA staff member: Apparently, we're celebrating Easter.
Man wearing cargo pants: But you guys are pagan!
Naperville, Illinois
Overheard by: Lauren
Kept Gagging Into My Wide-open Mouth
Guy: So Jeff's cousin came out.
Girl: I knew he was gay! He's like, the only guy I didn't make out with on New Year's.
Guy: You totally made out with him!
Girl: Yeah, but he wasn't into it.
Ramat Aviv
Israel
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Europe | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Holidays | Sexuality | Posted 2009-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jeez, You're So Literal
Woman, holding up holiday card: This card is perfect! It says exactly what I want! (reads typical greeting card poem)
Man: Wow, it really says that?
Woman: Well, I made part of it up.
Fred Meyer Store
Oregon
...And a Very Merry Anal-Fisting.
Good looking dude, walking up to friend: Cunnilingus!
Good looking friend: And cunnilingus to you too.
Wits University
Johannesburg
South Africa
Is That What You Call Your Vagina?
Cashier to woman buying lots of sex toys and lingerie two days after Valentine's Day: Sweetie, you're a little late for Valentine's Day.
Woman: No matter. It's always a good time to freshen up the prop closet.
Touch of Romance
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: awesome
Who Else Would Pee on My Christmas Tree?
Superior girl: You're just stumped by the Father-Christmas-isn't-a-cat argument.
Norwich
England
Overheard by: Inigo Montoya
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | England | Family ties | Girls | Holidays | Posted 2009-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Crazy Like a Bunny
Older woman, picking up a bag of peppermints: I still have candy corn out from Halloween. Is it okay to have peppermints and candy corn out at the same time?
Younger woman: What do I look like, Miss Manners? You've been to my house...you know there's still Easter candy out in my candy dishes. And until that goes, I'm not putting anything else out.
Older woman: Now I understand why your children are crazy.
Grocery Store
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
"Why'd You Come As Yourself,?" They Said
Old woman on bus: I have a skirt like that.
Young professional woman: Really?
Old woman: I can't wear it. I can't wear skirts that short. I'm too old.
Young professional: Oh.
Old woman: But it cost a lot, so I wore it as a halloween costume.
Young professional: Really.
Old woman: Everyone thought I was a hooker.
Portland, Oregon
But the Sombrero Is Just for Style
Prof: Is today Cinco de Mayo?
Girl: No, that's in a few days.
Prof: Well, I had a few shots of tequila when I got up this morning, just in case.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Holidays | Questions | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Golden Girls Had Been a Cable Show
60-something daughter: Mother, your hair looks like crap. You cannot wear your hair like that on Easter.
80-something mother: I do not give a rat's ass what my hair has to do with it. What does Easter have to do with it?
6o-something daughter: Mother! You are going to hell for saying that!
80-something mother: I'm going to hell for saying "Easter"?
60-something daughter: No, mother, for saying "ass"! For saying "ass" on Easter!
80-something mother: Oh, hell, really? Well, most of my family's going to hell anyway, so Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass! So, there! Happy?
Grandma's house
Illinois
Have You Booked the Labor Day Cage-Dancers Yet?
Teenage girl (matter-of-factly): My sister's friend came over yesterday because it was Memorial Day. You know, because she's a stripper.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: yeah, that makes total sense...
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | Holidays | Idiots | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2008-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Anybody Have Any Bread?
(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it's April 1st) Haha... His consumption smells like raspberries.
Colorado University, Boulder
Overheard by: In the back of the classroom
Categories: Class | Colorado | Default | Food | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Maladies | Offers and requests | Questions | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Planned Parenthood Would Have Advised Mary to Say No
Planned parenthood speaker: I'm here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!
High School Assembly
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Birthing | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Education | Happiness | Holidays | Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Doesn't Translate Well
Muslim girl: Ramadan Mubarak!
Girl: What does that mean?
Muslim girl: It means, like, "Yay, it's Ramadan!"
Girl: So, like ... "Yay, I'm not eating or having sex most of the day!"?
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Comebacks | Girls | Holidays | Insults | Language barrier | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | Words | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Figure Since He Died for Me, I May As Well Give Him Something Nice to Look At
Man: I'm giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you're concerned with your figure?
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Maggie
Categories: Beauty | Christianity | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Food | Guys | Holidays | Jesus | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Almost Like She Thinks I'm a Smartass
Guy #1: I think I fucked up my chance with Jen.
Guy #2: Why? what did you do?
Guy #1: Well she's religious, and she sent me a text today that says, "I get real emotional on Good Friday." so I write back, 'I get real emotional on filet-o-fish Fridays.' She hasn't responded since.
Burbank, California
Overheard by: James Jameson
Categories: California | Christianity | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Friends | Guys | Holidays | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Hoping She Stays Out of the Minibar
Blonde on cell: We got a nice hotel room for our cat.
Montgomery and California
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Animals | California | Default | Holidays | Idiots | On the phone | Stupidity | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That Cute?
Man, pointing out the window, to his wife: Look, honey, they even have cars!
Shout-out: zipster.wordpress.com
Overheard by: The Zipster
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Geography | Holidays | Hubbies | Idiots | North America | Stupidity | Posted 2008-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is a Funeral, Sarah
Chick: Man, I hate vacations! I always end up over-packing, and then I never get laid!
Kingston
Jamaica
Card: I Fear You've Been a Careless Quiff/ Valentine, You've Got the Syph!
Excited blonde: Guess what I'm getting myself for a Valentine's Day present? I'm getting tested for STDs!
Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: not surprised
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Idiots | Michigan | STDs | Students | Posted 2008-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
More Organized Than "We," Grammar Slob
Little boy: Mommy, why do they have Halloween candy out already?
Mother: That's for people who are more organized than us.
Rochester, Minnesota
Why Are You Buying a Chocolate Jesus?
Cashier: Merry Christmas.
Customer: You, too.
Cashier: Wait! I gotta be politically correct -- Happy Holidays.
Customer: Yeah, I'm Jewish.
Cashier: Oh my god, me too!
Customer: Then why the fuck are we wishing each other a Merry Christmas?
Cashier: I have no fucking clue.
Wegmans
Manalapan, New Jersey
Overheard by: I celebrate christmas....
Categories: Customers | Holidays | New Jersey | Posted 2008-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After You Used Me As a Marijuana Mule?
Little tyke, about fireworks: Oooh, look -- green! Like St. Patrick's Day! Remember when I made it St. Patrick's Day in the toilet?
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Holidays | Kids | Posted 2008-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Just Say Rudolph's Girlfriend Has Her "Monthly Visitor"
Girl #1: Every time I watch Rudolph, it gives me stress.
Girl #2: That show is horrible!
Girl #1: See, those little reindeer, they didn't know any better, but Dancer was a grown-ass reindeer! He knew better than to treat Rudolph like that, tellin' his own kid not to play with Rudolph... That's some straight-up bullshit.
Guy: And why was Rudolph's nose red if both of his parents' noses were black?
Girl #2: 'Cause his mom was a ho.
Girl #1: Y'know, Dancer was probably his mom's punk-ass baby-daddy. And you know what? Even Santa didn't know how to act. If I was Rudolph, I would tell Santa, 'Oh, hell no!'
Girl #2: Oh, hell no!
Girl #1: 'Santa better get his fat ass up there and guide his own shit, after he be treatin' me like that! Oh, hell no!'
Shout-out: www.overheardinpittsburgh.com
Categories: Friends | Holidays | Overheard in Pittsburgh | Posted 2007-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Angel of Midterms Spares Jared
Professor: I've decided to move the midterm to next week, because apparently we are missing a substantial amount of Jews.
Student to friend: Holy crap! Passover just saved my ass!
University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: BECKEKE
Or "Why Didn't You Abandon Us Years Ago?"
Punk: Why don't they have a Father's Day card that says, 'Dad, you suck. Happy Father's Day'?
Greensboro, North Carolina
Categories: Holidays | North Carolina | Punks | Posted 2007-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Were Baffled, but Cooperative
Man: I remember how one Halloween we ran out of candy and had to start giving the kids tea bags.
Mafiaoza's
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: John Chapin
Wanna See My Picture with Santa?
Girl to guys talking about their Easter candy: You know, I just want to point out that you're both 23 and still getting Easter candy from your parents.
Guy #1: Hey, it's not like I asked for it!
Guy #2: And besides, it's not from my mom. It's from the bunny.
PETCO Park
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Danette
Categories: California | Friends | Holidays | Insults | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That because It's Ann Landers's Birthday?
Professor: Adams and Jefferson weren't the only presidents to die on the Fourth of July. Does anyone know the third?
Student #1: Was it Monroe?
Professor: Yes, Monroe also died on the Fourth of July. Quite interesting, isn't it?
Student #2: Is that why we celebrate the Fourth of July?
Liberal Ed floor, Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Ready to graduate
I'm Willing to Defend the Moral Low Ground against All Comers
Bimbette: I don't know what his problem is. Columbus Day? Like, whatever, it's a day off. I would celebrate Saddam Hussein Day if I got a day off.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: sitt
Categories: Bimbettes | Holidays | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Left You a Box of Chocolates in a Locker at the Airport
Office grunt: Valentine's Day lunch is for people who are having affairs. I've worked every Valentine's Day. The nights are all couples, but the days are all people who say they're coworkers but then grab each other's legs under the table.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: mk
Categories: Grumpies | Holidays | Overheard Lines | Posted 2007-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
