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Anybody Have Any Bread?
(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it's April 1st) Haha... His consumption smells like raspberries.
Colorado University, Boulder
Overheard by: In the back of the classroom
Categories: Class | Colorado | Default | Food | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Maladies | Offers and requests | Questions | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Planned Parenthood Would Have Advised Mary to Say No
Planned parenthood speaker: I'm here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!
High School Assembly
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Birthing | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Education | Happiness | Holidays | Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Doesn't Translate Well
Muslim girl: Ramadan Mubarak!
Girl: What does that mean?
Muslim girl: It means, like, "Yay, it's Ramadan!"
Girl: So, like ... "Yay, I'm not eating or having sex most of the day!"?
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Comebacks | Girls | Holidays | Insults | Language barrier | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | Words | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Figure Since He Died for Me, I May As Well Give Him Something Nice to Look At
Man: I'm giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you're concerned with your figure?
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Maggie
Categories: Beauty | Christianity | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Food | Guys | Holidays | Jesus | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Almost Like She Thinks I'm a Smartass
Guy #1: I think I fucked up my chance with Jen.
Guy #2: Why? what did you do?
Guy #1: Well she's religious, and she sent me a text today that says, "I get real emotional on Good Friday." so I write back, 'I get real emotional on filet-o-fish Fridays.' She hasn't responded since.
Burbank, California
Overheard by: James Jameson
Categories: California | Christianity | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Friends | Guys | Holidays | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Hoping She Stays Out of the Minibar
Blonde on cell: We got a nice hotel room for our cat.
Montgomery and California
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Animals | California | Default | Holidays | Idiots | On the phone | Stupidity | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That Cute?
Man, pointing out the window, to his wife: Look, honey, they even have cars!
Shout-out: zipster.wordpress.com
Overheard by: The Zipster
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Geography | Holidays | Hubbies | Idiots | North America | Stupidity | Posted 2008-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is a Funeral, Sarah
Chick: Man, I hate vacations! I always end up over-packing, and then I never get laid!
Kingston
Jamaica
Card: I Fear You've Been a Careless Quiff/ Valentine, You've Got the Syph!
Excited blonde: Guess what I'm getting myself for a Valentine's Day present? I'm getting tested for STDs!
Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: not surprised
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Idiots | Michigan | STDs | Students | Posted 2008-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
More Organized Than "We," Grammar Slob
Little boy: Mommy, why do they have Halloween candy out already?
Mother: That's for people who are more organized than us.
Rochester, Minnesota
Why Are You Buying a Chocolate Jesus?
Cashier: Merry Christmas.
Customer: You, too.
Cashier: Wait! I gotta be politically correct -- Happy Holidays.
Customer: Yeah, I'm Jewish.
Cashier: Oh my god, me too!
Customer: Then why the fuck are we wishing each other a Merry Christmas?
Cashier: I have no fucking clue.
Wegmans
Manalapan, New Jersey
Overheard by: I celebrate christmas....
Categories: Customers | Holidays | New Jersey | Posted 2008-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After You Used Me As a Marijuana Mule?
Little tyke, about fireworks: Oooh, look -- green! Like St. Patrick's Day! Remember when I made it St. Patrick's Day in the toilet?
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Holidays | Kids | Posted 2008-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Just Say Rudolph's Girlfriend Has Her "Monthly Visitor"
Girl #1: Every time I watch Rudolph, it gives me stress.
Girl #2: That show is horrible!
Girl #1: See, those little reindeer, they didn't know any better, but Dancer was a grown-ass reindeer! He knew better than to treat Rudolph like that, tellin' his own kid not to play with Rudolph... That's some straight-up bullshit.
Guy: And why was Rudolph's nose red if both of his parents' noses were black?
Girl #2: 'Cause his mom was a ho.
Girl #1: Y'know, Dancer was probably his mom's punk-ass baby-daddy. And you know what? Even Santa didn't know how to act. If I was Rudolph, I would tell Santa, 'Oh, hell no!'
Girl #2: Oh, hell no!
Girl #1: 'Santa better get his fat ass up there and guide his own shit, after he be treatin' me like that! Oh, hell no!'
Shout-out: www.overheardinpittsburgh.com
Categories: Friends | Holidays | Overheard in Pittsburgh | Posted 2007-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Angel of Midterms Spares Jared
Professor: I've decided to move the midterm to next week, because apparently we are missing a substantial amount of Jews.
Student to friend: Holy crap! Passover just saved my ass!
University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: BECKEKE
Or "Why Didn't You Abandon Us Years Ago?"
Punk: Why don't they have a Father's Day card that says, 'Dad, you suck. Happy Father's Day'?
Greensboro, North Carolina
Categories: Holidays | North Carolina | Punks | Posted 2007-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Were Baffled, but Cooperative
Man: I remember how one Halloween we ran out of candy and had to start giving the kids tea bags.
Mafiaoza's
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: John Chapin
Wanna See My Picture with Santa?
Girl to guys talking about their Easter candy: You know, I just want to point out that you're both 23 and still getting Easter candy from your parents.
Guy #1: Hey, it's not like I asked for it!
Guy #2: And besides, it's not from my mom. It's from the bunny.
PETCO Park
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Danette
Categories: California | Friends | Holidays | Insults | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That because It's Ann Landers's Birthday?
Professor: Adams and Jefferson weren't the only presidents to die on the Fourth of July. Does anyone know the third?
Student #1: Was it Monroe?
Professor: Yes, Monroe also died on the Fourth of July. Quite interesting, isn't it?
Student #2: Is that why we celebrate the Fourth of July?
Liberal Ed floor, Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Ready to graduate
I'm Willing to Defend the Moral Low Ground against All Comers
Bimbette: I don't know what his problem is. Columbus Day? Like, whatever, it's a day off. I would celebrate Saddam Hussein Day if I got a day off.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: sitt
Categories: Bimbettes | Holidays | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Left You a Box of Chocolates in a Locker at the Airport
Office grunt: Valentine's Day lunch is for people who are having affairs. I've worked every Valentine's Day. The nights are all couples, but the days are all people who say they're coworkers but then grab each other's legs under the table.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: mk
Categories: Grumpies | Holidays | Overheard Lines | Posted 2007-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
