Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

Later, They'd Vomit Up Quarters

Drunk girl #1: I'm Wells Fargo!
Drunk girl #2: Really? I'm Wells Fargo, too!
(they gleefully skip off together)

Pearl St Mall
Boulder, Colorado

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Like We'd Really Elect a Latino?

Teen girl to classmates: Jesus was not a President!

US History Class, High School
San Diego, California

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But "Jews Give Me a Boner" Is Positive

MHS student to another: Emileeeeeeey... You can't say the "boner" word at a Holocaust luncheon!

University 4
Moscow, Idaho

Overheard by: i agree

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I Drink Constantly, Though

Guy: You know, I'm usually anti-slavery... Except when I drink, then I'm all for it.

Bar
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

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But If I Had to Make a Guess It Would Be "Pussy and Blow"

Professor: What did our founding fathers want? Who cares? They're dead.

Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: Secret Spy

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Unlike My Grading Scale

Professor: The guillotine was humane. It was just humane many thousands of times.

Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: Secret Spy

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Or the Word "Dyke" Ever Again

Teacher: So, for the final sentence we should get some sort of metaphor for tax cuts helping the US recession.
Student #1: Hmm... Hey, you know like, the commercial where they put gum in the hole in the dam to stop the leak?.
Student #2: Or the finger!
Teacher: Oh, you mean in the dyke!
Student #1: Yeah, so... Tax cuts would be the finger in the hole of America's dyke?
Teacher: Maybe we shouldn't use a metaphor.

English Essentials Class
Waimea, Hawaii

Overheard by: boehmface

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With the Help of Her Lovely Assistant

Jewish student, about another: Every time we talk about the holocaust she, like, throws her Jew out and spins a dreidel with it or whatever.

SUNY
Geneseo, New York

Overheard by: Jeni

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They're Instrumental in Getting High?

Professor: So the wars of opium wars were fought because the Chinese didn't want their citizens smoking their bongos and being loopy.
Student: Wait, bongos?
Professor: Yeah those pipe things... Bongos, right?

Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: Erika

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Good Point --No Effect on Religious Beliefs

Professor: Now, if we did eliminate illness and achieved immortality there might be serious religious repercussions. Can anyone think of how this might affect religious beliefs?
Bimbette: Well, like, if Hitler were immortal, he would, like, go to jail for, like, a million years and then, like, chill out for eternity, you know?

Eternal Youth and Immortality Seminar
Lafayette College, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: knows that Hitler would still be dead because he SHOT himself

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If We'd Really Won, We'd Still Have Those Cool Accents

Boy holding a box of revolutionary war army men: Mom, who won this war?
Mom: Y'know, I'm not sure.

Craft Store
Wisconsin

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Can You Picture Martha Stewart on a Public Bus?

Thug #1: Why the hell are you going all the way to back of the train car? Why don't we sit in the front like that Martha Stewart woman?
Thug #2: What the fuck are you talking about Martha Stewart?
Thug #1: You know, she stood up for herself on the bus? Wait, who was that? Not Martha Stewart?

Orange Line at Downtown Crossing
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: drunkbigirls

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Ever Seen a Cat Goose-Step?

Teen girl: I put my new bra on my cat's head and he looked like a German soldier.

New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

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All I Asked Was, "Does That Come with Fries?"

Light-skinned black woman: I'm just saying, I'd have been in the home and not in the fields.

Taco Mac
Atlanta, Georgia

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With Dresden As a Possible Exception

Professor: Well, they had Nazis, but those aren't exactly lighting fixtures.

Theatre Class, SUNY
Geneseo, New York

Overheard by: Jeni

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In Case You Were Wondering

American construction worker: See, you escaped communism. All I ever did was join the disco demolition night at Comisky park.
Polish construction worker: I didn't escape communism, I got kicked out. Big difference.

Chicago, Illinois

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The French: "We're on Your Side?"

Professor: And the French, they?re only worth 2/3 of a person because, well, they?re on our side, but they don?t fight well.

Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com

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Couldn't We Just Discriminate Against People Wearing Explosive Clothing?

Bimbette: Well, discriminating against the Muslims is different than against, like, the Russians for Hitler and everything.

Archbishop Spalding High School
Severn, Maryland

Overheard by: Wait, is she kidding?

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Did He Know That?

Clerk: Hitler was a black man. Did you know that?

Long's Drugs
Oakland, California

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Paving the Way for Such Great Presidents As Martin Luther King and Ice T

Bimbette: Harriet Tubman? Of course I know who that was. She was America's first black president!

Shout-out: www.overeardinhighschool.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Marina

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Or They Frightened It into Submission with Religious Rhetoric

Lipstick lesbian #1: If we move into a house, we're going to have to get some new stuff...
Lipstick lesbian #2: Wait... How did the pilgrims cut their grass?
Lipstick lesbian #1: Um, I think they had cows.

Fox and Hound
Indianapolis, Indiana

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They Had a Contest

Professor: The Kaiser was not the worst leader Germany had in the twentieth century.

East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina

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If You Play the Bible Backwards, You Can Hear Them Talking

Bimbette: Of course dinosaurs and humans lived at the same time!

Bloomington, Indiana

Overheard by: Mike

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That's What the Native Americans Said, and What Was Their Fate?

Italian exchange student: Why do you celebrate Thanksgiving in America?
Teacher: Because of the pilgrims! Anyone want to explain?
Student: The pilgrims can suck it!

Marcos de Niza High School
Tempe, Arizona

Overheard by: J.

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Their Lullabies Are the Stuff of Nightmares

Professor, on possible Nazi allusions in animation: Well, it was a German film, and any time you hear German muttering, it's harsh words and armbands.

Rhode Island School of Design
Rhode Island

Overheard by: Sandro

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And Not Having Them

Teacher explaining colonization: It all started with rubbers!

Maine

Overheard by: vampire hunter

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On an Unrelated Note, Never Put Together a Lecture During Happy Hour

Professor: The French lords were so disbelieving. It was like your favorite puppy going 'Rawr, rawr, rawr!' and taking a chunk out of your arm -- they were just like, 'Huh? What?'

Burdine Hall, University of Texas
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: she actually growled

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To the Stake

Woman reading newspaper: I can't believe how illiterate kids are these days. It says here that when they were asked who Joan of Arc was, many of them said she was Noah's wife.
Girl: Who was she, Grandma?
Woman: She was the woman who grew her hair long and rode a horse naked.

Port Townsend, Washington

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Isn't He a Character on Heroes?

Teen girl: Oh, I always thought Hiroshima was a person.

Criminalise War Conference
Kuala Lumpur
Malaysia

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When the Hudson Brothers Won the Nobel Gay Prize

World History teacher: The Nazis imprisoned more people than just the Jews -- handicapped people, homosexuals--
Bimbette, interrupting: --They had homos back then? I thought they didn't invent that until, like, the '70s.

Osbourn High School
Manassas, Virginia

Overheard by: This is the last time I take a class that isn't Honors

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He Made His Millions Off Kant's Death

Philosophy professor: ... And Hegel scheduled all of his classes at the same time as Schoepenhauer's classes, which really pissed off Schoepenhauer because Hegel was like the P. Diddy of 19th century German philosophy.

Bucknell University
Lewisburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Jen

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Seemed Pretty Serious at the Time

History student: Seriously? Hitler was in the Second World War?

Ovens Road
Perth
Western Australia

Overheard by: Have You Just Not Been Listening Or What?

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Which Is Why They Call It V-E Half-Day

Professor: So, how did the baby boom come about?
Student: When a--
Professor: --You don't need to actually walk me through it. In the late 1940s, everybody was becoming a mother. Okay, half of everybody.

University of North Florida
Jacksonville, Florida

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And They Painted John Adams Purple

Little girl to mother, pointing at a picture of Ronald McDonald: Look, Mommy -- they put lipstick on George Washington!

McDonald's
Jackson, New Jersey

Overheard by: Lydia

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Isn't That because It's Ann Landers's Birthday?

Professor: Adams and Jefferson weren't the only presidents to die on the Fourth of July. Does anyone know the third?
Student #1: Was it Monroe?
Professor: Yes, Monroe also died on the Fourth of July. Quite interesting, isn't it?
Student #2: Is that why we celebrate the Fourth of July?

Liberal Ed floor, Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Ready to graduate

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The Rehabilitation Began with Starship Troopers

Boy watching Indiana Jones: Why are the Nazis always the bad guys?
Thug: Who are they supposed to be?

Flowing Wells High School
Tucson, Arizona

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When He Didn't Respond I Unfriended Him

Nerd: So, what do you think of Hitler?

Overheard at York
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com

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