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Before Harry Hole Joined the Police Force

Sheepish-looking PhD student coming out of washroom: Oh yes! I wasn't taking a shower with a glass of chardonnay! By "wasn't" I mean "was", by "taking a shower" I mean "taking a dump", and by "glass" I mean "bottle". (long pause, looking down the hall) I was taking a dump with a bottle of chardonnay!

University of Northern Norway
Norway


Categories: Bathing | Drinking & drunks | Europe | Poop | Students | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2011-08-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

How Hot That Sounds Depends on How Horny You Are

Nerd guy: Did you get a haircut?
Indie girl: No. Why?
Nerd guy: Your bangs are on the other side.
Indie girl: Oh, I didn't shower today.

Godfrey, Illinois

Overheard by: M


Categories: Bathing | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Girls | Guys | Hair | Illinois | Posted 2010-01-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And You Thought SpongeBob Was Gay

Teenage girl to friend: Anyway, I think he likes me... He gave me a sponge bath last night.

Victoria
Australia


Overheard by: Ineke


Categories: Australia | Bathing | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Teens | Posted 2009-12-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

All Those Slip-and-Fall Accidents Are Smitings

Religion teacher to class of girls: And remember girls, always wear a bikini in the shower, because god is always watching you.

Dublin
Ireland


Categories: Advice | Bathing | Clothes | God | Ireland | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Oh, Leave Ethan Hawke Alone.

Guy to another: Why's he bother to wash his clothes, anyway, if he smells that bad and doesn't bother to bathe?

Laundromat
Catskill, New York


Overheard by: Amie


Categories: Bathing | Cleanliness | Clothes | Gossip | Guys | New York | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-11-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Your Editors' Verdict: Shower Yes, Loofah No

20-something chick on cell: Hello? Seriously? It smelled like your balls last time you used it! (pause) Okay, I guess, make sure you rinse out that motherfucker! You too, bye.
Friend: What was that about?
20-something chick: My boyfriend wants to use my shower, and my loofah.
Friend: Oh.

San Antonio, Texas

That's What You Said About Uncle Walter!

Little girl: Mommy, can I have a bubble bath?
Mother: No, it makes your vagina hurt.

Plantation, Florida

Overheard by: i guess that's a valid reason.


Categories: Bathing | Florida | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Vagina | Posted 2009-08-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Whose Bra Is This, Anyway?

Pretty girl in last night's dress #1: I feel like I smell really terrible. Can you smell me?
Pretty girl in last night's dress #2: Yeah. We should probably take a shower... wash away the sins of last night.

Nashville, Tennessee


Categories: Bathing | Girls | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Tennessee | Posted 2009-08-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When Aesop Tried Peyote

Dude: You fail to see that the rhinoceros is not pleased that you've clogged the bathtub drain with jam and celery. She's quite angry with you. I mean, if you just shit out a canary, it's not going to want to play tonsil hockey.
Friend: How hard would it be to get you involuntarily committed to a mental institution?

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York


Overheard by: Russ

Mr. Bradshaw Sometimes Needs Help with the Basics

Loud guy on cell: Terry! Terry! Listen to me! Use that shampoo! And the conditioner! Get your hair the same way it was last week! (pause) Okay, see you there. Bye.

Oxford Street
London
England


Categories: Advice | Bathing | Cleanliness | England | Guys | Hair | On the phone | Posted 2009-07-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Wouldn't You Much Rather Blow Someone Lemon-Scented?

Drunk man: I may not have a home, but I'm not like homeless homeless...I take showers and usually smell good.
Drunk woman: And what does this have to do with blowjobs?

Pub
Orange County, California


Overheard by: Katie

Also, "Boner"

Nerdy philosophy professor: The word that comes to mind when I think about grading multiple-choice tests is 'bloodbath'.

Catholic University
Washington, DC


Overheard by: Ditto.

The Wrong Way to Spice Up Your Marriage

Guy: So Stacy comes in and finds me screaming in the shower.
Friend: Wow!
Guy: Yeah, there are some places you should just never touch after cutting Habanero peppers.

Men's Room
Garrison, New York


Overheard by: mark


Categories: Bathing | Default | Food | Guys | New York | Restroom | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

As Seen in Douching Miss Daisy

Greenpeace activist to couple walking out of grocery store: Are you guys concerned about our environment?
Elderly couple: Definitely! We recycle, and we take showers together!

Mothers Market
Costa Mesa, California


Overheard by: arie


Categories: Bathing | California | Couples | Default | Old folks | People | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2009-03-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Tonight on E!: Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop, the Ugly Truth

Chick on cell: Let us shower together, damned sheep!

Vallejo Street
San Francisco, California


Overheard by: McNasty


Categories: Animals | Bathing | Default | Girls | San Francisco | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So I Went With French Nails and I Never Looked Back

Professor: And so then after he killed the beast he went and bathed because there was dirt under his fingernails and a civilized man never has dirty fingernails... (pauses) My first girlfriend dumped me for dirty fingernails.

York University
Toronto
Canadia


Overheard by: Student

Professional Jello Wrestling Has Its Pratfalls, Sweetie

Girl: But I showered for you this morning!
Boyfriend: So you don't want to go?
Girl: I didn't say that, but you made me get cleaned up this morning, and now I'm just going to get dirty. You better pay my water bill, for all these showers you make me take.

Quiznos
Miami, Florida


Overheard by: Believes in no-strings-attached hygene


Categories: Bathing | Couples | Florida | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Money | Relationships | Posted 2008-08-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Cute + Stinky = Kinky

(two college girls walking down M Street towards Georgetown)
Girl #1
: You look cute. I like your dress.

Girl #2: Yeah...I didn't shower.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by:


Categories: Bathing | Clothes | Compliments | Default | Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Girls | Posted 2008-07-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Did Start Bathing with the Entire Football Team

Teen girl to friend: Did you really think it was a coincidence that the week after you started bathing regularly you lost your virginity?

The Urban School
San Francisco, California


Categories: Bathing | Questions | San Francisco | Teens | Posted 2007-10-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Had to Replicate the Nitrogen Cycle in My Pants

Chick in stall, after biochemistry exam: Thank god that's over. Now I can finally take a shower.

Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com

Overheard by: a [clean] student


Categories: Bathing | Overheard in Philly | Students | Posted 2007-09-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Don't Try to Change Me, Baby

Lady to another: I can't believe it! He's actually getting married! I mean, now he'll have to do normal things like eat and bathe.

Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com


Categories: Bathing | Gossip | Ladies who lunch | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-08-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Unfortunately, He Caught Me at My Crustiest

Girl on cell: So I said, 'If I knew you were going to be videotaping it, I would have showered.'

University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware


Categories: Bathing | Colleges & Universities | Delaware | On the phone | Posted 2007-04-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Oh, Crap, This One's a Tattoo!

Dude: Hey, man, do I have any more swastikas on my face? I tried to wash them all off...

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: zak


Categories: Bathing | Idiots | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-03-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook