Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

The Aroma Was Strangely Heavenly

Guy: Jesus puked in your car?

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: rich

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Lady, You Live in the Wrong Fucking State

Older woman working out with personal trainer: I'm almost 70 years old. Ask me how much I care how I look. I don't even have a mirror in my bathroom. I was just interested in a chemical peel. They wanted to roll my skin up over my head, take out the fat, then roll it down again, not to mention take out my liver and kidney. And the woman that's dragging me around to this stuff? She's a gusher. I hate gushers. She says: "We'll go through this together". She says: "Ask the gods." Can you imagine me asking the gods for a facelift? What blasphemy. She says: "Tell me about yourself". I say: "You mean the heroin addiction?" She says: "Really?" I say: "Yeah, it was after my two daughters were born, when I started robbing banks to support us." Honestly, everything has to be so sordid before someone will listen to you. You have to have an incestuous affair or something. When in reality, I work all day, then come home and watch TV like the rest of the human race.

Women's gym
Studio City, California

Overheard by: Trying not to howl with laughter

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It Gave Me Extra Flotation, Like a Pool Noodle

Girl #1: So I was wearing a tampon to go swimming yesterday.
Girl #2: Didn't that hurt your fluffy bits?

Memphis, Tennessee

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

She Does a Lovely Rendition of "Plaque in the USSR"

American woman on cell: So when you go to Moscow, can you bring me back some toothpaste? Yeah, just Crest. Thanks.

13th St
Washington, DC

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Hot!

Guy #1: So he lit the shot on fire and when he went to take it, part of it got on his face and instead of swallowing, he spat it everywhere and it all caught on fire.
Guy #2: Yeah, I bet he got laid that night, though.
Girl: Where, in the burn unit?

Houston, Texas

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Right Up There with the Taoist Classic "C Is For Cookie-- Is Good Enough for Me"

Female voice over speakerphone: Maybe you shouldn't listen to me. I just reached into my glass of milk to retrieve a cookie that I accidentally dropped to the bottom during dunking. Now I am covered in milk. I've got milk hands!
Fraternity guy: I thought you were trying to make your own metaphor, like "I don't see the glass as half empty or half full, I see my hand in it retrieving cookies."

Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Wants No Part Of This

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Oh, and Death. And Taxes

20-something #1: Yeah, see, that's our problem: These girls are pushing 30 and their biological clocks are going off and all that.
20-something #2: Well, that wasn't my problem before, she was 23 when I started dating her.
20-something #1 (thoughtfully): Yeah... that's our other problem: time.

Airplane between Detroit and Las Vegas

Overheard by: ncs

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Guess If You Want to Be Anal About It...

Teen girl with group of friends: But I don't get it... Why would you wipe it *that* way particularly?
(long silence, group of friends look at each other)
Friend, incredulously: Uhh... So you don't get shit in your vag?

Federation Square
Melbourne
Australia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Some News Just Sounds Better from a Payphone

Loud man on payphone: He said they removed something like four pimples from his prostate. What? No! Pimples! Pimples on his prostate!

Florida State Campus

Overheard by: Dr. Ian Maxwell von Indypants

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Anybody Have Any Bread?

(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it's April 1st) Haha... His consumption smells like raspberries.

Colorado University, Boulder

Overheard by: In the back of the classroom

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If He Inquires, Just Say "It's Because You're So Big"

American backpacker girl, about her new hostel boyfriend: So, as of this afternoon, he's one step closer to not being a virgin.
Dutch girl, shocked: What about your period?!
American friend, walking up: Don't worry. Just do it. He won't even know what's going on anyways.

Loki Hostel
La Paz
Bolivia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Did You Know You Have No Lubrication Back There?

Girl: Sorry about the chafing. My butt still hurts when I poo.
Boy: [Makes sad face.]
Girl: From your surprise. I don't like your surprises.
Boy: It surprised me too!

Boston, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Unless It's a Naughty Nurse

Stoned frat boy: I have this aversion with talking to dentists... or really anyone who wants to help me with my general health.

SUNY Geneseo
New York

Overheard by: Jeni

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Why Will's Parents Sent Him to His Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air

Girl: Jazmin*, what was you doing in the bathroom?
Jazmin: Oh, you know...
Boy across the hall: She was taking a dump!
Jazmin: Yup! That's what we do all day, every day.

Public High School
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: andromeda

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Day James Stopped Doing Positive Affirmations

20-something guy: My testicles are perfect!
Friends: [Silence.]
50-something lady walking past: [Snicker.]

Cork
Ireland

Overheard by: sarah

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Feel Like One of the Extras in Carrie

Female suit: Wow, it smells really bad in here... like old period. Yeah! That's it, old period.

Bridie O'Reillys
Melbourne
Australia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Your Editors Fear This Conversation May Reduce Ms. Bilson to Tears

College girl #1: So did I tell you I'm going on a celibacy kick this semester? To cleanse myself.
College girl #2: Oh, really?
College girl #1, picking up GQ magazine with Rachel Bilson on the cover: Ugh, I've lost all respect for her. She's such a slut.

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Lindsay

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Jenna Jameson: "Story of My Life, Honey"

20-something girl: My ass hurts and my throat is sore. I also feel very underwhelmed.

San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'll Let You Use It for Special Effects in the School Play

Chick on cell: Hey! I had a miscarriage! Wanna hang out?

High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So Thanks for Letting Me Into Yale

Hipster guy: Yeah, it probably didn't help that I gave you poison ivy and then threw up on you.

Bar
Columbia, Missouri

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The San Francisco Equivalent of a Nice Dinner and Jewelry

Angry suit on cell: I cleaned out my ass for you, bitch!

On the Street
San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

When I Have My Period, I Get a Mop

Chick: No, if I take a shit I get the dish soap.
Guy: [nods understandingly].

George Washington University
Washington, DC

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Try the Cap'n Cramps

Woman in cereal aisle: Where's the one that makes you poop?

Fry's
Tucson, Arizona

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

What Happened to the Other.... Actually, I Don't Wanna Know

New homeowner: Did you ever find out what was causing that smell?
Worker: Yep.
New homeowner: What was it?
Worker: I'm not gonna tell ya.
New homeowner: Come on, what was it?
Worker, with a serious face and tone: You've got about four and a half to five opossums underneath your house.

Huntington, West Virginia

Overheard by: Jess

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Since His Parole Officer Told Him to Keep His Ass Clean

Teen girl: Sam is so sexy. There's like, no poopy on him.

Palm City, Florida

Overheard by: I don't know about you

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Fool Me Twice, Shame on Morton's

Freshman girl: Never snort salt.
Other freshman girl: I know, right! It burns so bad!

Bethesda, Maryland

Overheard by: Shelby

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Dear Martha Stewart...

Frustrated waitress: There's not enough Scotchguard in the world to help those sex cushions!

Rudyard's
Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Hales

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Fine. Anyone Want Anything from the Sex Kitchen?

Girl #1: Nobody ever sits on it and I don't blame them.
Girl #2: You call it the sex couch, that's why.
Girl #1: I Febreze it!
Girl #2: And then you say that!

Brighton, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In Public Bathrooms He Gets So Hyper He Requires Sedation

Happy little boy touching everything: Bacteria! Bacteria! Bacteria!

Post Office
Hammond, Louisiana

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Have a Vague Conception of the Mechanics from Video Games

Nerdy guy: Apparently it somehow involves running, but I've never ran before so I don't know how.

UCLA Ackerman Terminal
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Juanito

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In Kansas, Recreational Eating Goes Extreme

Stoner #1: ... And it burned the whole way down! Seriously, I think my throat hemorrhaged.
Stoner #2: Well at least you didn't eat nine bowls of pudding.

Kansas State University, Manhattan

Overheard by: I wish I heard the beginning...

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It Could Be Related to the Drinking, But I'll Need to Do More Empirical Tests

Dude #1: Man, I got so drunk on Saturday.
Dude #2: Did you pee your pants again?
Dude #1: No. [Dude #2 stares at him.] ... Yes.
Dude #2: What's wrong with you?
Dude #1: I don't know.

Lake View Terrace, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Psh, I'd Be Asking for High Fives

Guy #1: John* really needs to get laid. He hasn't hooked up for months.
Guy #2: Dude, didn't you hear what happened to him?
Guy #1: No.
Guy #2: The last girl he brought home shat in his bed. He's been kind of gun-shy since then.

Charlottesville, Virginia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Dad's the Best Gas-Release Coach in the Midwest

Little girl: I farted!
Dad, indifferent: Stop farting.
Little girl: I farted on the dog!
Dad, still indifferent: Continue farting.

Glendale Heights, Illinois

Overheard by: rbmmom

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Gerbil Was Menstruating!

Sorority girl: Well, yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that you have a tampon in your butt.

Dickinson College
Carlisle, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We Thought Only Americans Knew This Little About Sex Ed.

[Line for ladies' room]
Girl #1: Hi, do you mind if I cut in front of you? It's urgent.
Girl #2: Sure.
Girl #1: Thanks, I have to change my tampon.
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]
Girl #1: I have to make sure I change it often. Not too often, because once I changed it too much and got chlamydia.
Girl #2: Oh...[Suppresses laugh.]

Western Australia
Australia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

He'll Be Singing a Different Tune When Turtlenecks Come Back in Style

Twentysomething guy, excitedly: And all I could think was "Thank god im circumsized!"

Cherry Blossom Festival, National Mall
Washington, DC

Overheard by: sara aliza

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Thanks Sweetie, But That Was the Bedpost

Overexposed springbreaker: Well, since it was a communal dildo, I thought I would be considerate and clean it off.

Tallahassee, Florida

Overheard by: Ew!