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Raise Your Hand If You'd Watch Their Reality Show.
30-something woman: I will never find true love.
Barely legal guy: Well, you've got a husband, you've got me, and you've got the two other guys you're sleeping with, so it's not for lack of trying!
Clarksville, Indiana
Categories: Compliments | Feelings | Guys | Happiness | Indiana | Relationships | Women | Posted 2011-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Two Types Of People: Encapsulated.
Mom: Oh, no... A dead chipmunk.
Small child: Yay! A dead chipmunk!
Morgantown, West Virginia
Categories: Animals | Death & dying | Family | Feelings | Happiness | Kids | West Virginia | Posted 2010-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Many Therapists Quit.
30-something woman to 20-something woman: I had a crush--a psychotic crush--on Viggo Mortensen, and only you would understand. I hallucinated that he read me poetry!
Norman, Oklahoma
Categories: About celebrities | Bonding | Crazies | Happiness | Oklahoma | Posted 2010-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Understand When You Have to Watch Your Mother Being Raped by a Rotini Noodle.
Girl #1: So pasta, like, traumatized you?
Girl #2: Yeah, I hate pasta! Pasta ruined my life!
Frary Dining Hall, Pomona College
Claremont, California
...Mine Just Tells Me to Burn Things.
Mother to teenage daughter: Are you sure you don't want anything?
Skinny teenage daughter: Nah. (shrugs) My uterus isn't happy.
(mother raises a quizzical eyebrow)
Skinny teenage daughter: It's all like: "hello, I'm a uterus, and I'm going to bloat my way through for awhile, and push Ms Stomach organ out through Ms Bellybutton."
Mother: Oh.
Burger King
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: i just work here...
Categories: Body parts | Happiness | Moms | New York | Restaurants | Skinny people | Teens | Uterus | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Can Think Of a Few Places
Fabulous shopping man to another: That's the thing about happiness! Even if I had some, I wouldn't know where to put it!
Boston, Masscahusetts
Overheard by: surprisingly happy
Categories: Guys | Happiness | Massachusetts | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On My Deck
Girl #1: How do you like your place?
Girl #2: I've got a huge deck!
Girl #1: You were one letter away from making me a very happy woman.
Girl #2: I was one letter away from making myself a very happy woman. If I had that, I'd go fuck myself.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: aoK
You Might As Well Face It, You're Addicted to Lumps
Very pregnant woman surrounded by misbehaving children: Pregnancy is just such a gift. I mean, I feel so blessed. Like, this is what my body was made for, you know? I just feel so much more complete when I'm pregnant. Knowing that I'm growing this life...
Young woman behind her in line, interrupting: Madam? You are a walking advertisement for mandatory birth control.
Starbucks
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: The guy applauding her
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Happiness | Kids | Preggers | Pregnancy | Pride | Washington | Posted 2010-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whereas Canadia Only Feels Like It.
Strange girl: I'm so happy I live in Canada. If I lived anywhere else, I'd probably be in jail.
Norman Wells
Canadia
Overheard by: Tobac
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Girls | Happiness | Posted 2010-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Trust Me-- I Saw It on Ellen.
Nurse: We had the father bless the house when we moved in, but weird stuff keeps happening. I don't think the spirits are happy.
Secretary: Happy? You need the priest to exorcise your house! You want the spirits to be gone, not just happy!
Hospital
Burlingame, California
Overheard by: Just here for the paycheck
Categories: California | Doctor's office | Employees | Happiness | Magic | Nurses | Religion | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Rather a Creature Who Hates All Happiness
Professor, on Dante's version of the devil: This is not like one of those vampire things that are good-looking and want to suck your blood, and that makes you happy.
University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
Categories: Beauty | Books | Colleges & Universities | Evil | Happiness | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Awfully Peesnickety
Drunk guy: I'm so happy I'm a guy. I don't have to wipe after I pee.
Tipsy girl: You should really wipe if you want Lisa* to suck your dick.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: BJs | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Pee | Penis | Sexuality | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But This Time You'd Better Not Force Your Brother to Eat It
Eight-year-old boy: Hey dad, can I get deodorant?
Father: Uh, sure.
Eight-year-old boy: Yesssss!
A&P Supermarket
Totowa, New Jersey
Categories: Dads | Happiness | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah Right, Miss "Happiness Is an Inside Job"
Stylish girl: I could never be happy with him. All he does is speak in cliches. Who could be happy with someone like that?
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Categories: California | Girls | Happiness | Questions | Relationships | Words | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Was Born to Be a Reality-Show Contestant
Skinny girl: My sister is on a diet now, I don't like it. First she's taller than me, but that's okay, I got over it. I just don't want her to be skinnier than me.
Guy friend: You should be happy for her.
Skinny girl: No way! I'm below that.
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Skinny people | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Preparing Me for the Cattiness Of Academia
Statistics teacher: There is a correlation between cats and happiness. Cats make people happy. But not all cats. I still have nightmares about some cats. When I was a little girl, there was this cat, Greta, who lived outdoors. I wanted to pet her, but she scratched up my whole arm and got her claws into my protoplasm!
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Georgia | Happiness | Kids | Memory lane | Teachers | Violence | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do You Go to Church?
Girl to friend: It's like someone touches your cunt and you get all happy.
Easton, Maryland
Having a TV on Every Seat Is Pretty Damn Great
Six-year-old girl: Mum, remember when we went on that airplane?
Distracted mum: Mm-hmm?
Six-year-old girl: Was that paradise?
Train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Wishing I could go holiday there
Really? I Was Just Talking About You!
Girl #1: Oh my god, I'm so glad Sammy didn't come tonight.
Girl #2: I'm Sammy.
Women's Bathroom
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: I was in a cubicle. Oh, to have seen their faces.
Guys Find Eating Disorders Profoundly Unattractive
Cute boyfriend to girlfriend: I am so glad you eat!
Washington, DC
Categories: Couples | Food | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Best Part Is, They've Trademarked That Name
Friendly waitress, serious: Would you like to order a happy ending?
Lycoming Mall
Pennsdale, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: DazedinPA
Categories: Baristas | Death & dying | Drinking & drunks | Happiness | Malls | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Words | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Me Guess: You're a Writer?
Loud 50-something woman, happy and upbeat: I'm just sad. And lonely!
Lafayette, Louisiana
Which Is Why the White House Has Stopped Letting Him Make Calls
Woman at diner: So I answer it, and he goes "Hi! Happy 9/11!"
Restaurant
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth
Categories: Happiness | Restaurants | Washington | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Requiem for a Dream? Really?
Passenger to attendant: Excuse me? They turned the movie off.
Attendant: Yes, we're landing earlier than thought.
Passenger: Oh, but the movie wasn't over.
Attendant: Sorry about that, but we need to turn it off for descent.
Passenger: But I was watching it!
Attendant: I am very sorry, but since we have started our descent...
Passenger, interrupting: But now I don't know how it ends!
Attendant: They all lived happily ever after.
Qantas Flight to Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Seat 14 F
Categories: Airports & flights | Australia | Clients | Flight attendants | Gripes | Happiness | Movies | Public Transportation | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Penny-Pinchers Are Born, Not Made.
Little girl reading plastic bag: "Value village." Value village? Do you know what that is?
Mother: It's a store.
Little girl: It just makes me so happy.
Toronto
Canadia
He Keeps Telling Us He's Not Straight.
Woman on cell: Take him home in a straitjacket, or take him to the psych ward in a straitjacket...either way, he's not going to be happy.
Saratoga, California
Overheard by: Coffee shoppe caffeine junky
Categories: Advice | California | Clothes | Happiness | Mental illnesses | On the phone | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unfortunately, We've Lost Megan
Girl on cell to guy with glasses: Oh! Megan found your pants!
Guy with glasses, doing jazz hands: Yay!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: What...?
But I Don't See Either on the Menu
Serious Asian dude: I don't like angry soul food bitches. I like happy soul food bitches.
Maryland
Overheard by: Neither nor
Sweetie, I'm a Bottom.
Asian girl, holding out fist: Pound it?
Queer: Do I look like someone who pounds it?
Asian girl, giggling: Ummmm...
West Lafayette, Indiana
Overheard by: Kole
Translation: Sex With You Isn't Worth the Annoyance Of Your Company
Emo chick: So then she glared at me. In a mean way, not a happy way.
Normal looking boyfriend: I don't think that word means what you think it means.
Emo chick: Huh?
Normal looking boyfriend: You know, I just don't think this is going to work out.
Emo chick: Wait. You're breaking up with me? Here? Why?
Normal looking boyfriend: Well, I wasn't planning on it, but honey, you didn't like Watchmen and you've never read or seen The Princess Bride. Clearly we're just two very different people.
Flagstaff, Arizona
Overheard by: nayvera
When It's Creamed Spinach Day, She Gets So Excited She Needs to Be Sedated
Girl passing two students eating: They have corn!
JC Bistro, George Mason University
Fairfax County, Virginia
Overheard by: Candice
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | Happiness | Virginia | Posted 2009-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Republicans Lost Their Focus After the 2008 Election
Sorority girl: Well, did you get spanked by the entire party? No! That was me! (does a victory dance)
San Diego State University
San Diego, California
Overheard by: oh, really?
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Happiness | Questions | Posted 2009-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Gotta Get Home for Shabbas
Hobo, picking through recycling for cans and bottles: Thank god it's Friday!
Central Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | God | Happiness | Hobos | Massachusetts | Posted 2009-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Me Just Open Up My Briefcase
Professor to clapping students: You know what makes that funnier? I just took a shit.
Binghamton University
Binghamton, New York
Overheard by: ThirstyEar2
And Not Knowing When Is the Most Fun Of All
Completely calm girl: We're all gonna die.
Happy girl, laughing: It's true!
Eugene, Oregon
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Happiness | Oregon | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Terrorist!
Girl #1, walking out of exam: I'm free! I'm finally free!
Girl #2: I hate your freedom. I want to punch your freedom in the face!
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Body parts | Default | Feelings | Girls | Happiness | New Zealand | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's An Inevitable Result For Those In the Mathematical Professions
Math professor, after reading from textbook: I just lost all interest in life.
Portland, Oregon
That, My Friends, Is How Christianity Works
Ranting professor: Say you're on a date, and your waiter places a bag of saltine crackers in front of you.
(students are puzzled)
Ranting professor: So, you're happy to have these crackers. But your date says to you: "Don't you see the filet mignon or the lobster?" But you can't see them! So you eat the crackers, and then you die. Then I go to your funeral.
Moorpark College
Moorpark, California
Overheard by: Amanduh
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Food | Happiness | Teachers | Posted 2009-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because All Your Term Papers Are Based on Tobey Maguire Movies
Girl #1 (super cheerfully): I learned that from Spiderman 3!
Girl #2: Gah! (quietly, while walking away) Why don't you just shut up?
Girl #1 (whining under her breath): Why don't you listen to meeeeeeee?
Pottery Class, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Class | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Happiness | Movies | Offers and requests | Questions | Washington | Posted 2009-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I May Have Fugeed Myself
Excited hipster guy on cell: Dude, you just missed Wyclef Jean! He was fucking awesome! He dry-humped me and everything!
Voodoo Music Fest
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Eliza
While a Choir Sings, My Liquified Remains Will Be Flushed Down a Golden Drain
College freshman: I keep making plans for my funeral, and they keep getting better!
San Francisco State University
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Anne
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Happiness | San Francisco | Students | Posted 2009-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Donald Duck Says Every Night
Bearded 20-something to friends: Pants or no pants, I'm gonna party tonight!
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Matt
I Told My Dad It Was a Sports Injury. He's Never Been Prouder.
Emo boy: Matt! Tell her how you fucked up your face!
Matt: I was rubbing one out in the shower and when I came, my knees gave out and I hit my head on the faucet.
Emo girl (gasping and laughing hysterically): That is best thing I have ever heard!
Starbucks
New Mexico
Categories: Body parts | Default | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Masturbation | New Mexico | Restaurants | Posted 2009-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Know How Iraq Veterans Are Just Happy to Be Home?
Girl: I was having a bad day, so he put me in some predicament bondage to try to cheer me up.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: fetishgirl
Cool
Drunk girl looking at digital camera: Sometimes I'm having such a good time I look Chinese.
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, PA
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drunks | Feelings | Geography | Girls | Happiness | Pennsylvania | Technology | Posted 2009-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Figure This One Out, Let Us Know
Tayal tribesman bus driver: Sir, do you want to get off at this stop?
Old man: Yes, I want off at this stop, I am going to the dentist's.
Bus driver: What's wrong?
Old man: I have to have a tooth pulled. Can you believe that? I'm 82 but I still have to have a tooth pulled.
Bus driver: If you're going to have one pulled, you may as well have a bunch taken out.
Old man: That won't do, false teeth are expensive.
Bus driver: Then have boar tusks put in.
Old man: Boar tusks?
Bus driver (very earnestly): Yes, you can have two tusks put in on the lower jaw, and when they grow, they'll look great! (uses his fingers to demonstrate how the tusks would look growing out of his mouth)
Old man (laughing): It would take a long time for them to grow.
Bus driver: Not long! You're an old boar, but I'm just a young boar, so yours would grow much faster than mine!
(old man gets off bus laughing cheerfully)
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan Dali
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Bus | Bus drivers | Default | Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Old folks | Other sites | Questions | Posted 2009-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eerily, He Did
Tourist baby: Bah bah bah bah bah!
Tourist dad, changing his diaper: I hear ya.
Tourist baby: Bah bah bah bah bah bah!
Tourist dad: Uh huh.
Tourist baby: Bah bah bah bah!
Tourist dad: I told you not to mess with those guys.
(tourist baby laughs)
Tourist dad: Yeah, you know what I'm talking about!
Restroom, Walt Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: The Normie in the Handistall
Categories: Dads | Default | Family ties | Florida | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on Birthdayzillas
Eight-year-old boy: So, is the birthday party going to be fun?
Six-year-old girl: Yeah!
Eight-year-old boy: Who knows? It could be a disaster!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: working hard to make it a fun party.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Kids | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2008-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Providence, The Living Will Envy the Dead
Soccer mom to group of children: Okay, who's dead?
Several of the children, excitedly: I'm dead! I'm dead!
Outisde Trinity Rep
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Katie M
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Family ties | Happiness | Kids | Kids | Questions | Rhode Island | Women | Posted 2008-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now He'll Turn This Into a Song and Record It in Eight Languages
Woman (talking on the phone about a friend): She's happy as a clam since she had her uterus removed...
Husband (in the background): Happy as a clam without a uterus.
Woman: (glaring at him, keeps talking)
Husband: Happy as a clam without a uterus!
Dresden, New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
This Physics Project Is Gonna Get Us an "A" for Sure!
College guy #1: My penis is getting stronger!
College guy #2: What does that even mean? How do you know?
College guy #1: Cuz I can pee past the bushes now, and for a while I couldn't.
College guy #2: Niiiice!
(they high five)
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a lil.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Frat boy types | Happiness | Overheard in Minneapolis | Penis | Pride | Posted 2008-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is to Say, in Terms Of Letter Grades, I Give It a "Very Good"
Student, showing off his art project: On a scale of one to ten, with one being the lowest and ten being the highest, I was pretty happy with the way it turned out.
Madison, South Dakota
Claire Was Significantly Less Thrilled with the "Mysteries Solved by Cats" Section
Emo girl to emo friend: They have a whole Harry Potter section...I love the world!
Borders
Manalapan, New Jersey
'Cause Then I'd Be Playing Dungeons and Dragons with Myself
Teen comic book geek #1: It's a good thing you're not a figment of my imagination. That would just be awkward.
Teen comic book geek #2: Yeah, totally.
Bookman's
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: adult comic book geek
That, and All the Hors D'Oeuvres Were Sprinkled with Lithium
Chick #1: But everyone was happy. It was a happy funeral.
Chick #2: Wow, your grandma must have been a real bitch.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Death & dying | Family ties | Happiness | Insults | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Webcam Viewers Thank You, Too.
(two girls exit bathroom stall together)
Girl #1: It was such a pleasure watching you. It was bliss.
Elbo Room Bar
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: crafty biotech
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Default | Feelings | Girls | Happiness | Restroom | San Francisco | Sex | Undies | Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Stalk All My Classmates Before September
Mother: You got into college!
Teenage daughter: I can finally join Facebook!
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
It's the Greatest Thing Since... You Know
Girlfriend: I think my butt has gotten bigger.
Boyfriend: If that's true, hallelujah. I love big booties.
Girlfriend: David*, this is serious! I think I have been doing so many squats that my butt has lifted and risen... like bread.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: MoMo
Head Cheerleaders Are Born, Not Made
Little kid in bathroom with grandmother: Poopies, yay, yay! Poopies, yay yay!
Arby's Bathroom
Howell, Michigan
I've Always Wanted to Be a Fascist
TSA agent, looking at ID: So Judy*, how are you doing today?
50-something woman: Fine. How are you?
TSA agent: You know, living the dream.
Security Terminal
Airport, Minneapolis
Or Do I Have to Play That Bobby McFerrin Song Again?
Mother to quietly weeping child: Can't you just... be happy?
Target Parking Lot
Cumming, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Georgia | Happiness | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus We'd Have to Be Open and Honest About Our Feelings
White mother to teen daughters after black family walks by: I'm so glad you two aren't black! Then I'd have to put all those little beads in your hair and--well I'm just really glad.
Versailles, Kentucky
Why Gay Best Friends Were Invented
[Two 20-something guys are staring at Colleen Moore's ornate fairy castle dollhouse.]
Guy #1: Oh, man.
Guy #2: No man on earth could have ever kept this woman happy.
Museum of Science and Industry
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Joan
Categories: About celebrities | Default | Friends | Gender issues | Guys | Happiness | Illinois | Toys | Posted 2008-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Planned Parenthood Would Have Advised Mary to Say No
Planned parenthood speaker: I'm here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!
High School Assembly
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Birthing | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Education | Happiness | Holidays | Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Low-Maintenance People Live Longer, Anyway
Little old lady: I'm not a Pina Colada type. Give me a Coors Light and a nice doobie and I'm good.
Women's Gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: urzzz
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Happiness | Offers and requests | Old folks | Women | Posted 2008-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is the Moral of the Ant and Grasshopper Story
Lecturer: People who are happy, hopeful, and relaxed... are a pain in the ass.
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Character | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Happiness | Insults | New Zealand | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: I'm Still a Little Stoned
Girl, frantically looking through fridge: Shit, I'm gonna be late for work... What the hell? Why is your rice in my freezer?
Boyfriend: Because then it will be happy and prosperous.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Nic
Do You Want to Go to Epcot? Do You?
Mother to daughter: You don't want to piss me off in the happiest place on earth!
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Categories: Advice | California | Compare and contrast | Geography | Happiness | Kids | Moms | Pop culture | Posted 2008-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Public Bathrooms He Gets So Hyper He Requires Sedation
Happy little boy touching everything: Bacteria! Bacteria! Bacteria!
Post Office
Hammond, Louisiana
Categories: Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Louisiana | Post offices | Science | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He'll Be Singing a Different Tune When Turtlenecks Come Back in Style
Twentysomething guy, excitedly: And all I could think was "Thank god im circumsized!"
Cherry Blossom Festival, National Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: sara aliza
Categories: Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though I'm Still Working on Context
Girl walking with two guys: I'm going to teabag you! ...I'm so glad I know what that means now!
WSU
Pullman, Washington
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Balls | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Happiness | Sex | Stupidity | Washington | Words | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being a Contestant on The Price Is Right? Really?
Morbidly obese man: It's like when you go dumpster-diving and find a whole bedroom set.
Wal-Mart
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Andrea
Categories: Compare and contrast | Fat people | Florida | Guys | Happiness | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Great Anal Lube
Perky middle-aged lady: And that's what's so interesting about salad dressing!
East Aurora
New York
It's No Country for Old Women, Either
Middle aged woman to another: It's not the hot flashes that are so bad... It's the depression.
BeauJo's
Ft. Collins, Colorado
Overheard by: always listening
Categories: Age and ageing | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Friends | Happiness | Ladies who lunch | Mental illnesses | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need Somebody Who'll Be Grateful
Old lady diner to captain: This food is amazing. I hope the chef is single, over 60, and horny.
Arnaud's Restaurant, Bienville Street
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: The Frontwaiter
Categories: Compliments | Happiness | Louisiana | Old folks | Posted 2008-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Reams of Fun
Guy: My idea of fun is wearing a paper skirt!
Cupertino High School
Cupertino, California
Overheard by: shy invisible girl
Categories: California | Clothing | Guys | Happiness | Posted 2008-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Either That or My Shirt's Stuck in It
High school physics teacher: You see, everything has a gravitational force, so everything is attracted to everything else. For example, I am attracted to this door. This... is a really... nice door. And this table -- this is a really, really nice table... But I really like the door.
Massachusetts
Categories: Happiness | Massachusetts | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Especially Enjoy the Blue Ones
Hyperactive camper: Oh, boy, my favorite -- milk and cookies and pills!
Overnight camp
Wolfeboro, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Counselor Lou
Categories: Happiness | Kids | New Hampshire | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Welcome to Our World
Geek: I can't wait to spend three days sitting in my underwear working on my websites.
Shout-out: www.overheardquote.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Happiness | Overheard Quote | Posted 2007-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Love the Electric Highchair, Buddy
Happy dad to little kid: Capital punishment is fun!
Morgantown, West Virginia
Categories: Dads | Happiness | Lies | West Virginia | Posted 2007-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Forget All about What You Wore in the '80s
Jovial woman on cell: So, when the Alzheimer's sets in, this'll all work out for you in the end!
Grocery store
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Eggson
Categories: Happiness | On the phone | Oregon | Posted 2007-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fine, but Could You Take Your Penis Out of That Bible?
Guy to girlfriend: It doesn't matter what we do! It's pervert weekend!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: melissa
Categories: California | Guys | Happiness | San Francisco | Posted 2007-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even Better Than Peeing on the Parsley
Very serious little boy: I just love the grocery store bathroom.
Confused mom: Why? What's so great about it?
Little boy, wistfully: It's just so peaceful...
Kaiser
Saratoga, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
Categories: California | Happiness | Kids | Moms | Posted 2007-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Passion for Wind Instruments Is Rare in One So Young
Small child: Mmm! Oooh! Mmm! Mommy, that feels good when it comes out!
Mother, whispering: Shut up.
Restroom, Tanglewood
Lenox, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Stephanie
Categories: Happiness | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Only Difference between Heaven and Hell
Old lady on cell in crowded train: Yes, I'm here in a sardine tin, but everyone is really nice...
Tel-Aviv
Israel
Overheard by: claustrophobic
Categories: Happiness | Israel | Old folks | On the phone | Posted 2007-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Occasional Little Fork
Enthusiastic law student: I love tiny spoons!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: laura and matt
Categories: Happiness | Overheard at Cornell | Students | Posted 2007-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then Kill Them All, Execution Style!
Girl: I love this new toothpaste I got. It has green tea in it and tastes absolutely fantastic. It feels like there's a tea party going on in my mouth, and I just want to invite my teddy bears or something!
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Ali and Livi
And Then Alexandra Wept, for There Were No More Worlds to Conquer
Little girl when dad hands her balloon: I've been waiting all my life for this...
Chik-Fil-A
Newport News, Virginia
Overheard by: Audrey
And Who Grooms Me
Dude: I'm so glad I have a code monkey as a roommate so I don't have to live with someone who--
Code monkey roommate, interrupting: --Is happy?
Dude: Exactly.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: doug
Categories: Friends | Happiness | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
