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Every Time I Try That, I Lose Some Memory

Mom: Arrrrgh. My brain just isn't working today!
Eight-year-old (deadpan): Did you try turning it off and on again?

Steveston
Canadia


Overheard by: laughing sangria out my nose


Categories: Advice | Canadia | Default | Gripes | Kids | Kids | Moms | Questions | Technology | Posted 2008-06-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So If Anyone Requires a Strip-o-Gram...

Law professor: I don't get paid very well at this job. And I need beer money.

SFSU
San Francisco, California


Overheard by: RL

Jenny Made the Same Observations About Every Church Fundraiser

Respectable-looking chick on cell: Not *nearly* enough trannies.

Vallejo and Powell
San Francisco, California


Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy


Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Gripes | On the phone | San Francisco | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

From the Epic Best-Seller Rich Man, Poo Man

Boy in bar: Why does everyone always make me out to be the poo guy?

Oaktown, California

Overheard by: sitting further away now


Categories: California | Default | Gripes | Guys | Poop | Questions | Posted 2008-06-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...for Chip 'n' Dale

Little boy, covered in glitter: Mom! Casey's whompin' glitter on me again!
Little girl: I am not!
Mother: She's just tryin' to make you look pretty!

Magic Kingdom, Disney World
Orlando, Florida


Overheard by: Natalie


Categories: Beauty | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Florida | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-06-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Their Relationship's in the Crapper

Exasperated woman: I just called to say "I love you" while I had a moment to myself, okay?! Jeez! [Flushes.]

Women's Bathroom, Bay Park Square Mall
Green Bay, Wisconsin


Categories: Default | Feelings | Gripes | Relationships | Restroom | Wisconsin | Women | Words | Posted 2008-06-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

How Do You Think Pizza Bagels Are Conceived?

Little girl: My pizza is naked!

Fresh Grocer
Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania


Categories: Default | Food | Girls | Gripes | Kids | Pennsylvania | Stores | Words | Posted 2008-06-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

With the Possible Exception of the Dominant Chord

Professor: So, how was survey of western music?
Girl: It was terrible: someone would always find a way to bring up gender issues. I mean, I hate to break it to you, but eighteenth century tonal music doesn't give a shit about your vagina.

Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York

Either Way I Won't Be Able to Get Off Now

Suit #1: I can't believe I've lost them again!
Suit #2: Are we talking about dildos still or the midgets?

McDonald's Parking Lot
St. Louis, Missouri


Overheard by: I wish I heard the first part of this conversation


Categories: Gripes | Missouri | Questions | Restaurants | Suits | Toys | Posted 2008-05-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Freud: I'm Not Even Sure What She Wants

Girl #1: Yeah, that's not cool, but I understand. He sounds very immature.
Girl #2: He is. It's such a shame. I laid in bed last night reminiscing about the time I spent with him in bed. It's like I can still feel it. Too bad he's such an asshole, and too bad that good dick makes me so... not able to accept what a douchebag a guy really is.

Atlanta, Georgia


Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Feelings | Georgia | Girls | Gripes | Insults | Penis | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2008-05-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Jenna Jameson: "Story of My Life, Honey"

20-something girl: My ass hurts and my throat is sore. I also feel very underwhelmed.

San Francisco, California


Categories: Ass | Default | Feelings | Girls | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | San Francisco | Posted 2008-05-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Especially If, Instead of the G-Spot, There Was a Little Plastic Prize

Guy: But I hate wearing condoms! I can't feel anything. I might as well put my dick in a cereal box.
Girl: I think my vagina is a bit different from a cereal box.
Dude, excitedly: If your vagina had cereal in it, I'd eat you out all the time!

Davidson, North Carolina

Dude, Just Make an Audio-Visual Geek Your Friend

Music history professor, putting a CD in the player: And now we pray to the god of CDs. It's not good to be a teacher with CDs. They are very stupid things. [Pause.] ...It's not good to be a teacher, perhaps that's what it is.

Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland


Categories: Class | Default | Education | Feelings | God | Gripes | Jobs & Careers | Maryland | Music | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2008-05-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...For Not Telling My Servants to Buy More

Student girl: Aw man, I've no food in the house. It's like I've been robbed, but it's my fault!

Sainsbury's
Lancaster
England


Categories: Compare and contrast | Crimes | Food | Girls | Gripes | Shopping | Stores | Students | UK | Posted 2008-05-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And You're Spilling My Martini!

Kid: I want to go swimming!
Dad: They don't have any smoking rooms here, and I gotta smoke. We have to go somewhere else.
Kid: Can't you just go outside and smoke?
Dad: It's snowing outside! You'd like it if I had to go out in the cold and snow just so you could go swimming, wouldn't you?
Kid: But they have a pool here! I want to go in the pool!
Dad: That's all you do... All you do is think about yourself! I gotta smoke!

204 Hendersonville Road
Asheville, North Carolina


Overheard by: Taryn


Categories: Dads | Drugs | Gripes | Kids | Kids | North Carolina | Offers and requests | Smoking | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No More Gene Kelly Movies for You, Young Man

Mom, walking in the rain: This is not good.
Four-year-old son: It's nice!
Mom: It is not nice, what the hell?!

Springfield, Massachusetts


Categories: Compare and contrast | Feelings | Gripes | Guys | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-05-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Girls Suffer Most from the British Class System

Girl #1: All they talked about was fannies... And tits... And... Fuckin'... Something else.
Girl #2: Rugby.
Girl #1: Yeah. Rugby.

Warwick
England


Categories: Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Gripes | UK | Words | Posted 2008-05-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Dear Martha Stewart...

Frustrated waitress: There's not enough Scotchguard in the world to help those sex cushions!

Rudyard's
Houston, Texas


Overheard by: Hales


Categories: Bars & Clubs | Cleanliness | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Servers | Sexuality | Texas | Women | Posted 2008-05-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So Maybe She Needed Out-of-This-World Sex

Guy on cell: Yeah, I hooked up with her. [pause] I fucked her. She was tight. [pause] She hasn't called me back. I don't get why it's so hard to take five seconds out of your day to see how I'm doing. [pause] She's, like, Asian. Half Asian and half alien.

Barnes & Noble
Los Angeles, California


Overheard by: Hobo

Translation: I'm Still a Little Stoned

Girl, frantically looking through fridge: Shit, I'm gonna be late for work... What the hell? Why is your rice in my freezer?
Boyfriend: Because then it will be happy and prosperous.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Nic


Categories: Couples | Food | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Happiness | Questions | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Said She's Too Old to Start Wearing Pleather Again

Old lady to another: Mary started crying because she thought they were taking her back to New Jersey.

Pizza Shop
Lima, Pennsylvania


Categories: Fears | Feelings | Friends | Gripes | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Restaurants | US Geography | Women | Posted 2008-05-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If Beauty Is Truth, I'm Not Interested

Penn student #1, looking at sculpture: Oh my god, I, like, totally hate art.
Penn student #2: I know, right? They should just buy us all laptops instead.

Locust Walk
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

I'm Just a Toxic Spill Waiting to Happen

Goth girl, to friend looking at military jackets: You can get those a lot cheaper at goodwill, dude.
Overweight friend: Not in my size! When fat people die, they leak, and then their clothes can't be given to goodwill!

Starfest Sci-Fi Convention
Denver, Colorado

This Is What Happens When Harry Potter Fans Grow Up

Extremely drunk chick crying: I love him so much and he doesn't even know! He's my soulmate.
Exasperated sober chick: He's fictional!

Armory Square
Syracuse, New York


Categories: Chicks | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Feelings | Gripes | New York | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If You Need a Longer Break, "Fluffy Pink Clouds 101" Is Right Down the Hall

Linda: Ugh, this class is so depressing!
Professor: Let's all take ten seconds to think about baby lambs to make Linda feel happy. [pause] Okay, back to Terri Schiavo!

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Like, They Could Be Electronic or Something

Freshman, walking out of library: Geez, these books are heavy! They should make, like, lighter versions of books...

Melbourne University
Melbourne
Australia


Overheard by: Eavesdropper...


Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Gripes | Sensory experiences | Students | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Knew I Should've Let the Doctor Keep You a Girl

Mother to ten-year-old son at supermarket check-out queue: And then we'll go and look for a dress for me.
Ten-year-old son: I'm not going clothes shopping with you. You go in every shop, you try everything on, you never like anything and come home with nothing and I'm not standing around waiting!
[All male members of the queue cheer.]

Luton
England


Categories: Character | Clothes | Feelings | Gripes | Guys | Moms | Offers and requests | Shopping | Stores | Tweens | UK | Posted 2008-04-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Shouldn't This Be Eleventeen

Statistics professor writing on board: I'll leave the numbers out because I always get them wrong anyway.

University of Chicago
Illinois


Overheard by: too early for this class


Categories: Class | Education | Gripes | Illinois | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Looks Who's Talking, Mister "The-Pirate-Movie-Was-Rated-Arrr"

Guy #1: What did the bear say when he walked into the bar?
Guy #2: [Blank stare.]
Guy #1: Roarrrr. He's a fucking bear, what else would he say! [Laughs out loud.]
Guy #2: I haven't seen you in two months, and this is what you start with? You are a fucking idiot.

Duluth, Minnesota

Overheard by: Amber


Categories: Feelings | Friends | Gripes | Guys | Idiots | Insults | Minnesota | Questions | Stupidity | Violence | Posted 2008-04-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Was Going to Say, "Masturbate to Climax"

History prof: Benjamin Harrison was a pretty boring guy, with all the personality of a statue...I'm sure he couldn't even...
[Class snickers.]
History prof
: Oh god, you fricken teenagers, you drag everything into the gutter!


Colorado University
Boulder, Colorado


Categories: Age and ageing | Class | Colorado | Education | Gripes | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Teens | Posted 2008-04-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Expect Ingratitude. And Sass-Mouth

Mother, shouting at her child: You get mad at me for the things I don't do, and you never appreciate the things I do do!
Little girl: Hahaha, you said doodoo!

Los Angeles, California

Slylock Fox's Puzzle: How Many Things Are Wrong with This Conversation?

Thug sitting in traffic yelling into cell: I moved you and the goddamn kids out here! I robbed muthafuckas for you! I'm facing five to ten goddamn years for you, and I can't even get a goddamn thank you?! Bitch, you drunk?!

Highway
Orlando, Florida


Overheard by: scaredspectator


Categories: Crimes | Etiquette | Family ties | Fears | Feelings | Florida | Gripes | Insults | On the phone | Threats | Thugs | Violence | Posted 2008-04-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And This Money Isn't Even Green!

Middle-aged American tourist woman: The rooms here have strange plugs, I simply cannot use my curling iron! This is outrageous... I want to see the manager immediately!

Hotel Restaurant
Munich
Germany


Overheard by: Dru


Categories: Clients | Compare and contrast | Germany | Gripes | Idiots | Restaurants | Technology | Tourists | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-04-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

As Soon As We Get On, I'm Grabbing a Pole and Ripping Them Off

Chick: Well, my mom wouldn't let me on the train until I wore pants, so there ya go.

Southmoor station
Aurora, Colorado

But It Was a Planned Incarceration

Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can't believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you're supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn't! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!

Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa


Overheard by: Casey

From Containing All That Evil?

Girl #1: Do you think anyone's like... Actually a good person?
[long pause]
Girl #2
: Ugh, my stomach really hurts today.


Drew University
Madison, New Jersey

But Apparently That's Not How Job Interviews Work

Girl walking to bus stop drunk: I just wanted to walk in, get groped and leave.

Pheasant Run
Harrisonburg, Virginia


Overheard by: Brandon Call


Categories: Bimbettes | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Etiquette | Girls | Gripes | Sexuality | Virginia | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook