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Why In Touch Weekly Exists: Explained.
Employee #1: Are you filling in for Jane*?
Employee #2: Yeah, is she okay?
Employee #1: Yeah, she's all right. Apparently her stalker's in town so she just had to go to the precinct and file all these reports.
Employee #2: Jane* has a stalker? That is fabulous and terrifying all at once.
Yoga Studio
Manhattan, New York
...For Knowing What Guys Like
Preppy girl #1: So, Emily's a total slut.
Preppy girl #2: I know, right?
Preppy guy: Wait, what's she like?
Preppy girl #1: Umm, like, a d.
Preppy girl #2: No, no, no: double d.
Preppy guy: I was talking about her personality, but thanks...
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Gossip | Insults | New York | Preppies | Posted 2010-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, I Didn't Even Get to That Part!
Overly loud tween boy: Yeah, but at least he put it in.
Teacher: Shut up back there.
Monticello, New York
Overheard by: Not the right thing to accidentally shout out during a breif silence
Oh, Please-- Victoria's Secret's Been Selling Those for Years.
Girl, about teacher: He kept bending over in front of my desk. And he was wearing these tie-dye boxers, and they were hanging out of his pants. Except it looked like a thong. Like, there was a thong line. So, yeah, he might have been wearing a thong.
Girl #2: Maybe it's like a weird, secret guy thing. The top looks like boxers but the rest is a thong.
Girl #1: Yeah.
High School
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Girls | Gossip | Missouri | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Undies | Posted 2010-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Says the Woman Who Has a Crush on Those Twins in The Suite Life Of Zack & Cody?
Queer dad at the back of the line: Ohmigod! There's Rebeca, from cheerleading.
Woman friend: Oh yeah! I hate her, she's so perky.
Queer dad: And irresponsible, she always leaves her kids on the car when she goes anywhere.
Woman: Oh, really?
Queer dad: I mean, who leaves a top of the line Escalade with a smoking hot nine-year-old idling in the parking lot? Especially in this neighborhood!
Woman dad: That is so wrong!
Queer dad: I know!
Woman: No, that you said "smoking" hot nine-year-old.
Queer dad: Oh...
Dunkin Donuts
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Billy Splatts!
Why Downward-facing Dog Was Invented
Loud girl, as rest of the yoga class goes quiet after teacher rings bell: He was so fat I couldn't find his wiener!
Wyoming
Eventually He Struggles to the Surface and We All Breathe a Sigh Of Relief
80-something lady to another: I saw Bertie and his lady friend at the state fair. Yes, she's a large woman, tall and quite big. I mean, you could say that about a lot of people, but she's very large. When she hugs him, it's all lady and no Bertie!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: poor bertie!
Categories: Gossip | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Posted 2010-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then I Sniff It and I'm Like, "Ooo, Beer!"
Tiny pregnant girl to friend: He has this mattress that has pee stains all over it, and he keeps blaming it on the dog! I'm like, "yeah, right!"
Target
York, Pennsylvania
Or Did She Just Leave DNA in Her Victims' Fingernails?
Girl #1: I mean, her nickname in high school was "the scraper."
Girl #2: Is that a bad abortion joke?
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Confused
Jesuits: Eeexcellent...!
Girl to another: She pulls the virgin card all the time, but she's such a slut.
North Dakota State University
Overheard by: Chelsea
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Gossip | Sexuality | Virginity | Posted 2010-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And She Didn't Even Know Its Name
Guy to others: I heard she once open-mouth kissed a horse.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: walking down the hall.
Categories: Animals | Gossip | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Overheard in Minneapolis | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Leave Ethan Hawke Alone.
Guy to another: Why's he bother to wash his clothes, anyway, if he smells that bad and doesn't bother to bathe?
Laundromat
Catskill, New York
Overheard by: Amie
Categories: Bathing | Cleanliness | Clothes | Gossip | Guys | New York | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though, to Be Fair, Masturbating to Hillary Swank Photos Could Go Either Way
Girl #1: She still thinks he's gay.
Girl #2: But he isn't.
Girl #1, laughing: And we have proof.
Girl #2, laughing also: Yes we do!
University of Arizona
Overheard by: Whats the proof
And the Passengers Know a Lot More About Star Trek
Friend #1: He actually has had sex before.
Friend #2: What! I thought he was on the V-boat with me!
Friend #1: The V-boat?
Friend #2: It's like a U-boat, but sadder.
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: Not on the boat
If She Needs to Have That Many Of Them, Maybe She Shouldn't Stop?
Sorority girl: Well, she should stop having abortions then!
University of Michigan
Categories: Abortion | Colleges & Universities | Gossip | Michigan | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Sure Purell Addiction Is Quite the Same Thing
40-something guy: Dr. Phil man, he showed up for Britney, maybe he'll show up for me.
Airport Baggage Claim
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: About celebrities | Airports & flights | Gossip | Guys | New Jersey | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Leave Jay Manuel Alone, Already.
Teen boy #1: He's gay.
Teen boy #2: No, he isn't.
Teen girl: He's just orange!
Teen boy #2, laughing: "Orange" isn't a sexual orientation.
Teen boy #1, laughing so hard he's crying: I was just thinking that.
Teen boy #2: Hes like, an Oompa-Loompa. He's always so mean 'cause he's tall, they rejected him because he was different.
McDonald's
New York City, New York
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Gossip | McDonald's | New York | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So Now Joe and I Are Dating.
Nine-year-old: Logan almost got a girlfriend!
Six-year-old: Really?
Nine-year-old: Yep. Remember Courtney?
Six-year-old: With the glasses?
Nine-year-old: Yeah. He asked her out on the bus, but she said no. After that, Joe was like, "I want a girlfriend," and I was like, "yeah, I know. Me, too, buddy. Me, too."
Swimming Pool
Louisiana
...Is It the Weekend Already?
Teen guy: Hey, Louise, do you wanna know why David broke up with you?
Teen girl: Because he was cheating on me...
Teen guy: No. Well, I shouldn't really say this, but David is gay.
Teen girl, surprised: Again?
Bus
Stockholm
Sweden
Categories: Bus | Gossip | Infidelity | Questions | Relationships | Sexuality | Sweden | Teens | Posted 2009-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ten to One, Her Phone Is Turned Off
Preteen girl #1: Do you see all these blondes on the boxes? They should all be me. I should be on all these boxes.
Preteen girl #2: Did someone start a rumor about us? Because I haven't gotten any calls all day.
CVS
New Jersey
Categories: Cell phones | Gossip | New Jersey | Questions | Stupidity | Tweens | Posted 2009-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With a Cardboard Cut-Out Of Him, Anyway
Girl: So all these old football guys showed up...and long story short, she ended up making out. With Terry Bradshaw.
Joe's Place
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: devon
Categories: About celebrities | Bars & Clubs | Girls | Gossip | Iowa | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Posted 2009-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Isn't Wellesley
Prospective student's mother: I hear there are a lot of lesbians on this campus.
Student tour guide: Well, it isn't like they jump out of the bushes and convert you or anything.
College, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Gossip | Moms | Sexuality | Students | Women | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Then They Both Went Out for Fro-Yo
20-something girl at bar: So then Steve went to Danny's house, and he had to break his legs, cos...you know...
Friend: Yeah, that's a shame.
Brighton
England
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Default | England | Friends | Girls | Gossip | Violence | Posted 2009-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Wear the Inevitable Gonorrhea with Pride
Plain girl: He's in a band and he lives in New York. What else is there to talk about?
Farmers Market
Los Angeles, California
All Communications Majors Believe Perception Is Reality
Sorority girl #1: I may as well go around and sleep with all the people everyone thinks I'm sleeping with...
Sorority girl #2: I would *so* not judge you for that.
Bryant University
Smithfield, Rhode Island
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Gossip | Rhode Island | Sex | Words | Posted 2009-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With a Cool Aussie Accent, You Can Marry Anybody in the U.S.
Schoolboy #1: I hear there's this law in America where if you're a guy you can marry your brother.
Schoolboy #2: That's wrong.
Schoolboy #1: Even if you're a dude!
Adelaide
Australia
It'll Be Me He Whispers to
Girl to friends, very confidently: And I will be that horse!
Memorial University
St. John's, Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
But at Least She Felt Comfortable Coming Out to Us
Elderly woman #1: And all her chinaware was Royal Worcester!
Elderly woman #2, looking shocked: No! Really? You wouldn't tell by looking at her, would you?
Elderly woman #1, shaking head: No, you would not.
Rural Staffordshire
England
Pussy
Guy: Did you hear that our professor walked out on us on Monday? Crying!
Dining Hall, University of Michigan
Overheard by: not surprising
Ivan the Terrible Eventually Did a Barbara Walters Interview, to Clear Things Up
Girl #1: He's massive?
Girl #2: Yeah, I heard he impaled someone!
Girl #1: I just meant he's tall.
Vienna
Austria
Some Girls Want Relationships, Others Just Want to Have Relations
Blond girl to friend: I would go out with him but I heard he was going to be deported soon.
Friend: Really? That sounds cool! Is he hot?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I'd go out with him too.
Categories: Default | Friends | Girls | Gossip | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Now He Must Be Punished
Four-year-old girl: What about Steven?!
Six-year-old girl: He's my new boyfriend, and I told his sister that I love him but she didn't tell him. But he's my boyfriend and he doesn't know it.
Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Gossip | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2008-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless Those Were Giant Clogged Arteries?
Lady #1: Did you notice how sheer her skirt was? A woman that size should think about what she wears.
Lady #2: I could see her moles.
Theatre
Brisbane
Australia
Which Fortunately Has My Name on the Label
Professor: I make no sense to myself, I'm surprised I know my own name. Why? Because life sucks. But I have a nice jacket!
Christopher Newport University
Newport News, Virginia
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Gossip | Philosophy | Teachers | Virginia | Posted 2008-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now She's Standing on Her Head to Keep It There
Old woman to granddaughter: I saw her the other day, and all the fat from her face has slipped down to her boobs.
Piccadilly Circus
London
England
Overheard by: lola
The Clerks There Have Turned It into an Annual Sporting Event
Haughty woman: Oh yeah, he's getting a divorce.
Friend: Why?
Haughty woman: She stalks him ever since he left. She followed him into Walgreens and tried to beat him down with a toilet scrubber!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: I would want a divorce too...
And I Felt Really Bad When the Shoe and I Ran Off to Cancun Without Her
Guy: Didn't you have a friend who lost her virginity to her shoe?
Green haired girl: Yeah. She fell on her foot and ruptured it or something. Like riding a horse.
Pink haired girl: What the fuck?
Guy: Told you!
Green haired girl: I felt bad when she told us because I was the only one busting up laughing.
California
We Respect That You Didn't Take the Easy Route with "Robert Downey Jr."
Girl: "Pokemon Stadium," is just stupid. If the other Pokemon does some confusion attack, you just end up slapping yourself or some shit. No one gets so confused they hurt themselves!
Boy: Tell that to Danny Bonaduce.
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Katie
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Games | Girls | Gossip | Guys | Massachusetts | TV shows | Violence | Posted 2008-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Hamburglar Deserves Everything He Gets
Teenage girl to another: So you can do it! You are going to go there, have sex with him, and I am going to tickle it out of you!
McDonald's
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Girls | Gossip | McDonald's | Offers and requests | Sex | Teens | Tennessee | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Naturally, It's Huge
Young mom, looking disgusted at a paparazzi photo of Pamela Anderson: That's disgusting.
Four-year-old son: What?
Young mom: Honey, what's wrong with this picture?
Four-year-old son: I can see her penis.
Bowling Alley
Indiana
Overheard by: Aunt Oblivious
Eventually We Worked Out a Timeshare Situation
Girl: So this girl was like: "I want half your pants!"
Hazelwood West High School
Florissant, Missouri
Overheard by: Melissa
Crystal Meth Weddings Are Prone to Unpredictability
Woman: It was a disaster. The bride was doing back-bends in the parking lot.
Gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: urzzz
Categories: California | Etiquette | Gossip | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Someone's Been Reading People at the Dentist's Office
Mom: Did you hear that Harry Lee died?
20-something daughter: Yea, and Sylvester Stallone came to the funeral, I thought that was odd.
Previously uninterested dad: Interesting fact about Sylvester Stallone- he has a penial implant.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Categories: About celebrities | Dads | Death & dying | Family | Girls | Gossip | Louisiana | Moms | Penis | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Concerns Me When You Talk About Yourself in the Third Person, Mrs. Smith
Old teacher, about middle school student: Johnny's fine until he has an audience. Then he gets all gang-bangy and tries to screw Mrs. Smith.
Young teacher: Please don't ever say that again.
Restaurant
Redlands, California
Categories: Assholes | California | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Gossip | Grumpies | Guys | Restaurants | Sexuality | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Happy Birthday to You/ Don't Bend to Tie Your Shoe
Girl #1: Hanging out with him on his birthday was so much fun!
Girl #2: Oh, I heard about that! He went to jail, right?
Brooklyn Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Glad they're not my friends
They Lacked the Sweet Aroma Of Chemicals and Seared Flesh
Brunette girl: Well, they were blondes, but they were natural blondes, so not like, hot blondes.
Melbourne
Australia
Pickings Seem to Be Slim in Iowa
College girl #1: So I met up with Jeremy last night.
College girl #2: Ah, the one with the small penis. Wait... No, Adam has the small dick. Jeremy's the bad kisser, right?
College girl #1: To be fair, they're both bad kissers. But yeah, Adam's the one with the small dick.
Coffee shop
Iowa City, Iowa
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bimbettes | Chicks | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Gossip | Iowa | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Penis | Sexuality | Students | Posted 2008-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Surely Mrs. Clinton Has More to Say Than That
Guy: All I heard was, 'Blah, blah, blah, I'm a dirty tramp.'
Los Portales
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: girl at next table
Cards Forgotten, She Now Licks Herself Like a Cat
Girl: So, my roommate's mom still lets her use her credit card, which is crazy! I mean, we're like 24, and I've had my own credit card since forever... But anyways, I guess my roommate had a huge bill last month, and her mom got all upset and called her and said, 'Maybe you should soak the credit cards and put them in the freezer, so when you get the impulse to use them they'll be frozen.' So now we have, like, three credit cards in a tub in our freezer.
Brown Line El
Chicago, Illinois
Wish I Had Somebody Who Cared Enough to Abuse Me
Bimbette #1: ... So, after he called in to quit for me, I'm sure everyone was like, 'He must be one of those, like, abusive boyfriends who won't let her work!'
Bimbette #2: That'd be okay, though.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: an invisible fiend
Categories: Bimbettes | Default | Gossip | Gripes | Minnesota | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom Has Very High Standards
Lazy girl: So, I told my mom that you and I were going to take tennis lessons together in the summer.
Workout friend: Oh, yeah? What did she say?
Lazy girl: She just laughed at me.
Workout friend: Why?
Lazy friend: She said I was too slow, uncoordinated, and she didn't outright say it, but I'm sure she thinks I'm mildly retarded.
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: A mild case of the ADD
During the Sack Race
Guy: I gave her ball-phobia.
Chino, California
'Cause Then She Took One of My Legs and Snapped It
Skinny girl: My roommate's nuts. We got into another fight.
Tall girl: Oh, God, what is it now? She's mad again 'cause you don't rinse every drop of toothpaste out of the sink, right?
Skinny girl: No, it's the mayonnaise! The fucking mayonnaise! She accused me of eating it! Just the plain mayo, not on a sandwich or anything. I looked at her and told her, 'Listen, bitch, I don't eat mayo. I'm anorexic.' She's accusing me of having no self control!
Tall girl: So, what happened then?
Skinny girl: I was drunk, so I threw the mayo out our front door and said, 'Ha! Now no one can eat it!' I don't think that helped the situation at all.
George Herman's
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Default | Food | Girls | Gossip | Health & Hygiene | North Carolina | Skinny people | Violence | Posted 2008-02-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Marriage Happens by Default in the Pacific Northwest
Girl on phone: So, we had this bet that if the Patriots won, we were going to break up, so we were both hoping for that. But that didn't happen, so now we're just kind of stuck together.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Default | Girls | Gossip | Gripes | On the phone | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2008-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But We Should Probably Spread That Rumor Just in Case
Skinny white guy: Yep.
Goth girl: No way.
Skinny white guy: Yep.
Goth girl: No way. Too royal.
Skinny white guy: I'm serious.
Goth girl: No way. Princess Di was way too perfect to be giving someone head while they're driving.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Nick K.
Categories: About celebrities | Australia | BJs | Default | Girls | Gossip | Goths | Guys | Skinny people | Posted 2008-02-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Save That Kind of Behavior for Old Navy
Queer #1: He punched him in the face right in the middle of Banana Republic.
Queer #2: That is so damn rude.
University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Gossip | Gripes | North Carolina | Queers | Violence | Posted 2008-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Didn't Know They Made Thongs That Big
Male student: So, how's your new roommate?
Female student: Well, she has one hundred thirty-three thongs.
Male student: She sounds like a horrible person.
Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland
They've Exorcised Me
Kid: I am the Antichrist.
Teacher: Your parents must be proud.
Kid: No! They're pissed!
Brimmer and May School
Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts
Categories: Bragging | Gossip | Massachusetts | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Hard to Tell Who's Retarded and Who's Just Texan
Chick #1: Sarah took her retarded sister-in-law to the game last night. They ended up getting drunk and going to a strip club. She really is retarded.
Chick #2: Like, literally retarded?
Chick #1: Yeah.
Chick #2: Well, that sounds like an interesting night...
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Wish I could've been there
She's Been Full of Herself Ever Since Daddy Warbucks Adopted Her
Girl: ... And she put all of these articles about how awesome redheads are and how rare they are all over the door and stuck Post-it notes on them saying things like, 'I am a genetic rebel!'
Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
This Is Just Like the Time You Confused Earl Grey and Chamomile
Football player to another: Fuck you, dude. These are spirit fingers, and these are jazz hands!
University of Colorado
Denver, Colorado
I Thought David Spade Seemed Nice
Dude to friends: He was a fiend, I tell you! He's a fiend in woman's form.
University of Liverpool
United Kingdom
Did It Bring the Boys to the Yard?
Girl #1: So, do you know what she told me? Her mother walked in and she was you-know-what-ing... with the milkshake maker!
Girl #2: Huh?
Girl #1: She was -- y'know -- using it down there!
Girl #2: What?!
Girl #1: Gross, I know.
Girl #2: ... Did she make a milkshake with it afterwards?
Newtown, NSW
Australia
Overheard by: buzzcut
Categories: Australia | Girls | Gossip | Masturbation | Posted 2008-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Always Sniffing My Delicate Petals
Science professor: So, the flower has this thing in it that looks exactly like a female wasp, and it smells like a female wasp. So, the male wasp comes up and tries to mate with it -- tries to copulate with it... I had a roommate like that once.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
I Went for the Preschool Pu-Pu Platter
Professor: Did those cops find you the other day? They were waiting outside the classroom.
Student: I know. You're not kidding.
Professor: No, I'm not.
Student: Yeah, I kidnapped the kids over Christmas.
Professor: Good for you.
Arkansas State University
Arkansas
Dude, We're So Not Coming Over. Ever.
Drunk guy to two chicks: I was so tanked last night that I don't know if I shit in my bed or if somebody else shit in my bed as a joke, but someone definitely shit in my bed. It was a pretty good party, though.
dcist.com
It's More Like a Slightly Intoxicated Ferret
20-something on cell: My soul is not a constipated gerbil!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Gossip | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Posted 2008-02-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Kinda Like a Rorschach for Sexual Deviance
Freshman girl: I see a rubber glove, and I don't think it's a rubber glove -- I think it's a condom for a guy with five dicks.
Newton North High School
Newton, Massachusetts
Categories: Gossip | Massachusetts | Students | Posted 2008-02-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well You Asked, Mom.
Dude on cell: Well, I'm either gonna go see the hypnotist or masturbate.
James Madison University
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: asm
Categories: Gossip | On the phone | Time Management | Virginia | Posted 2008-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Throw in a Vibrating Shower-Head and You've Got a Party
Girl: An Ambien in the shower is almost as good as a Screwdriver in the shower.
Lexington, Virginia
Overheard by: Kelly
Who Isn't Discussing the iPhone These Days?
Hipster boy: I mean, yeah, I'd buy it, but I would not have sex with it. I wouldn't fuck it. I'd just buy it.
Oberlin, Ohio
It Was Essentially Like a Bumpy Car Ride
Movie-goer: It was, like, almost orgasmic... without the orgasm.
Nova Cinema
Carlton, Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Hayley
Since You Kept Leaving Lemons with Knives in Them on My Bed
Roommate #1, awkwardly: Hey, do you think we could talk about, um, what happened on Friday?
Roommate #2: Oh?
Roommate #1: We were in here, and you were saying that my board hasn't done anything yet and we're misusing student funds by going on a board retreat. Remember that?
Roommate #2: Oh.
Roommate: Well, then I got up and went into the kitchen and made myself a cup of lemon and honey tea...
Roommate #2: Okay...
Roommate #1: Well, I used Angie's* lemon juice right in front of you, and I think you saw me, and I was wondering if that offended you.
Roommate #2: No, I didn't even notice.
Roommate #1: Oh, okay... Good... Because it's been on my mind all weekend, and I just wanted to clear that up because it seemed like you were mad at me after that.
Canadia
And Then Ran Away, Cackling.
Young guy: Dude, some guy dropped his baby on my foot earlier.
Illinois
Overheard by: munder
On a Good Day, She's You-Don't-Have-to-Be-Drunk-Pretty
Hipster on cell: She's not ugly, she's just not leave-your-girlfriend-pretty.
McDonald's
Morristown, New Jersey
Categories: Beauty | Gossip | Hipsters | New Jersey | Posted 2008-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean, Does That Line Ever Work?
Naked old man: You know, they say you really shouldn't hang meats anymore.
Fully-clothed hipster: ... Really?
YMCA locker room
Chicago, Illinois
Just about Thingamajiggies and Doodads
Sorostitute on cell: Like, I don't know, we hook up every now and then, and we talk... But, like, not about stuff.
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Categories: Gossip | Maryland | Relationships | Sorority types | Posted 2008-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Toasting with Really Large Steins of Beer?
Lesbian to girlfriend: ... That was back when I was dating this pharmacist and my sister-in-law decided to start this rumor that both of us were into this thing... [makes subtle fisting motion].
Elevator, Penrose Hospital
Colorado Springs, Colorado
The Centers for Disease Control Have a Whole Josh Wing
Hoochie: Yeah, I don't know, but Josh and I totally hooked up for a while last year.
Friend: What? Why?!
Hoochie: What do you mean, 'Why'? Josh is hot.
Friend: Dude, hooking up with Josh is like hanging a sign on your vagina that says, 'Come on in, chlamydia.' If I was looking for a communicable disease, Josh is the first place I'd go.
Hoochie: Oh...
California State University-Chico
Chico, California
Overheard by: Kimberly
Categories: California | Gossip | Hoochies | STDs | Posted 2008-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dennis Kucinich? Really?
Chick to friend: I'm telling you -- he's a communist leprechaun posing as a democrat!
Auburn, New York
When She Lies on Her Back, She Makes a Great Snack Tray
Tween girl #1: I have to tell you something -- I don't think Rachel is that hot.
Tween girl #2: Oh my god, I'm so glad you said that, 'cause I'm afraid to talk to people about her because everyone thinks she is so pretty.
Tween girl #1: They were doing this rating thing where they rate people on a scale, and Ryan gave her a seven.
Tween girl #2: She is totally not a seven -- her boobs are inverted.
Premier Oaks Movie Theater
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: *shakes head*
A Spot-On Description of Ann Coulter
Girl: She's like a horny guy, only not horny and not a guy.
Cupertino High School
Cupertino, California
Categories: California | Chicks | Gossip | Stupidity | Posted 2008-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After That, Sex Got a Lot More Comfortable
20-something artist dude in loin cloth: ... And then I realized -- it's not about the panties at all!
Burning Man
Black Rock Desert, Nevada
Overheard by: lith
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Nevada | Philosophy | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: My Kids Are Greedy Little Assholes
Little girl with mother: My birthday's coming up soon, so I don't want to get anything for me.
Woman in opposite aisle: There is no way that child is human.
CVS
Houston, Texas
Categories: Etiquette | Glad the condom broke | Gossip | Strangers | Texas | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And She'd Fallen Asleep at the Wheel.
Girl: Hey! How are you? Anything new and exciting?
Friend: I got rear-ended while driving yesterday because a woman was receiving oral sex.
Kalamazoo College
Kalamazoo, Michigan
While the Catcher Uses Rye
Little leaguer #1: My team is really good this summer!
Dad: Your team stinks. Your outfielder eats grass.
Little leaguer #2: Yes, but he's going au natural. He also puts sunflower seeds in his ears.
Jacobs Field
Cleveland, Ohio
I'll Now Require an Itemized List
Chick on boat at company party: So, your brother-in-law inherited the porn collection of a dead man? ... Okay, just making sure I understood what we were talking about.
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: stuck on a boat
Clawing. Meowing. That Sort of Thing.
Lady on cell: Yeah, I know! When I get wet, I get really aggressive.
37 bus
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: That could go either way...
Categories: Canadia | Gossip | On the phone | Posted 2008-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean, Priests Know about These Things, Right?
Woman: So then he said either I have to quit smoking, or I have to have a baby.
Outback Steakhouse
Leominster, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Amycakes
Categories: Advice | Gossip | Ladies who lunch | Massachusetts | Posted 2008-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Took Her in for an Emergency Chopstick Abortion
Chick on cell: Haha, she thought it was a baby in the womb, but then I told her it was just sushi!
Toronto Eaton Centre
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Food | Gossip | On the phone | Posted 2008-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Sensitive Matter Only a Truck Full of Syrup Can Resolve
Man on cell: No, Eileen's not too happy with me. I filled her refrigerator with waffles... No, I can't talk about it here.
Public library
Cincinnati, Ohio
Categories: Food | Gossip | Ohio | On the phone | Posted 2008-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Specialize In Them
Professor: So, there seems to be the notion that a girl who dresses like a slut is asking for it.
Male student: Now, I do not dabble in sluts myself, but I have plenty of friends who do.
Professor: I think we're done for the day.
Sociology class, University of Colorado
Colorado
Fuzzy Wuzzy Was a Bear/ Who Had Almost No Penis There
Girl in bar: He's a big, harmless teddy bear who has sex with people in their sleep.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mike K
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Massachusetts | Sex | Posted 2008-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Twin Cities Get Ready for Winter
Hipster guy to chick: You know, if you drink a lot of Tabasco, your shit will really burn... No, I don't mean it will hurt. I mean you can light it on fire and it will keep you warm when it's cold out.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: hungry muppet
Categories: Food | Gossip | Hipsters | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Colorado's Only Black Teenager Is Often Misunderstood
Chick, to teacher: Do you remember the Geto Boys, with the black dwarf who now raps for Jesus and got shot in the face by his girlfriend so now his eye is all slack?
Rest of class: ... What?
High school classroom
Englewood, Colorado
And He Was Like, "I Made My Choice"
Midget girl: So, I'm trying to talk to him, but he wouldn't stop checking out my body, and I'm like, 'Hello! My eyes are down here.'
San Francisco State University
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ottsel
Categories: Body parts | California | Chicks | Gossip | San Francisco | Posted 2008-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though As a History Tutor, She's Subpar
Asian student on cell: Yeah, yeah. He know her long time. Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah. She better than stripper.
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Asians | Gossip | Massachusetts | On the phone | Posted 2008-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Once I Learn to Read
Small boy: They used to shove a big bar of soap right down your throat! But that's illegal now.
Small girl: Like, if you say 'poop,' or if you say 'hell'?
Small boy, thinking deeply: I've got to research it.
Third grade classroom
Newton, Massachusetts
Categories: Gossip | Kids | Massachusetts | Posted 2008-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Sidestep Your Clumsy Attack
Five-year-old boy: If Mommy has another baby, I'm not gonna be by it. It will just crawl around the house and suck milk from Mommy's nibbles. And she won't wear a bra!
Eight-year-old boy: If you like bras so much, maybe we should get you one.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah! I would use it for my butt cheeks, so when I sit down it would be nice and soft!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: chaska
Categories: Gossip | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Marry Me.
Chick on cell: I love not wearing panties! It makes me almost as hot as that time the cable company gave us free porn for a week!
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: Sportin' drawers
... Completely Missing the Apple on His Son's Head
Man: ... And then he shot a hooker in the face with a crossbow!
Cloak and Dagger Pub
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
If You Want Me to Listen to That Shit, You Gotta Buy Me Bacon
Redhead punk: Oh, God, the first guy I ever had sex with did that to me... Well, actually, that's not true. He took my technical virginity. I actually lost my anal virginity first to another guy.
Blonde hipster friend: [Silence.]
Redhead punk: Yeah. So anyway, what happened was--
Blonde hipster friend, suddenly eating vigorously: --Mmm, French toast!
Denny's
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: lost my appetite
Let's Just Say I Felt the Earth Move
Queer #1: I bruised my pelvis once during sex. It was the last time I had sex with a woman. Remember?
Queer #2: Right.
Queer #3: I don't know this story.
Queer #1: Well, to be more exact, I woke up to having sex with a woman. Or, rather, I regained consciousness to discover a woman fucking me. That was the same day as the bulldozer.
Queer #2: You don't have to say anything else for this to be a perfect story.
Queer #3: Wait... A bulldozer?
Wine bar
Baltimore, Maryland
Or, Rather, Your Failure to Step There
Guy: She makes her own salsa, too! And God, it's good. Almost better than sex with a stranger, though I wouldn't know what that was like.
Girl: I'm also a salsa maker.
Guy, laughing: Well, hello random...
Girl: No, we were talking about your mom making salsa... Until your side-trip to stranger-sex-land.
Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Jeff
Categories: California | Food | Friends | Gossip | Posted 2008-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, It Was Nothing Like the Movies
Man: She was that lesbian -- the one who wanted to have a three-way and told me I could watch.
Three Allen Center
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: B_tay
I Can't Believe You Missed Last Night's 24!
Loud guy on cell: Where you at? Did you make the stop? He went to jail yesterday? What? What time did you get locked up? Damn!
McDonald's, Illinois Center
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Crimes | Gossip | Illinois | On the phone | Posted 2008-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Of Course
Frat boy: So, last night I had a dream, and I was eating pussy. Of course, it was a caramelized pussy...
Goshen, Connecticut
Overheard by: sweet and sour
Categories: Connecticut | Frat boy types | Gossip | Licking | Vagina | Posted 2008-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, You Are the Opposite of Fun
Elevator dude #1: I just think she's kind of ho-ish.
Elevator dude #2: I'm feeling that, though, because I'm like that myself.
Elevator dude #1: I'm not fucking with her.
Elevator dude #2: But if she was a dude, though, we'd be honoring her.
Elevator dude #1: Yeah, well, I'm not gonna be fucking no dude, either.
332 South Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Ronnie
If the Civic's A-Rockin', Don't Bother Knockin' -- Come On In!
Normal student: So, it looks like the five of us will go in the Honda Civic. The back seat will be a bit tight.
Skinny student: I'll sit back there. I'm used to being packed in the back.
College dining hall
Georgia
Overheard by: Still remember
Wasted on My Impotent Self
Drunk man on cell, poolside: Bro, there are like four hot chicks down here in bikinis, and they're wasted! It's like a movie or something!
Houston, Texas
And It's Totally Real
Professor: This clip is from a documentary about women's professional wrestling in Japan, which is pretty much the--
Football jock, interrupting: --Coolest thing ever!
Kaufman Hall, UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Not an athlete
Categories: California | Gossip | Jocks | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Miss Foaming at the Mouth, Though
Teen girl: Well, I had to stop eating soap, but I'm sure I'll be fine anyways!
Madison, Wisconsin
How Coke Mules Avoid Cavity Searches
Guy on cell: Well, last night I had food poisoning, and today I had beans, so this could get interesting.
Denver Airport
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Glad I didn't sit near him
Categories: Colorado | Gossip | On the phone | Poop | Posted 2008-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For a Full Ten Minutes
Chick #1: I mean, just 'cause I do it doesn't mean I do it fast.
Chick #2: Yeah! Like, I used to date my Chemistry TA.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: hearing aid
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2008-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jimmy Dean Satisfies in the Kitchen and the Bedroom
Girl: ... And so everyday I was like, 'I just want some of that big sausage!'
University of Ottawa
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Lizzie
Ice Cream Is So Raven
Lady on cell: The biggest story of the year is going to be about Raven. That whore! I know! The whore is in town. Cheap slut, USA... No, honey, you can't have ice cream for dinner.
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: wait.. my name is raven
Categories: Gossip | On the phone | Virginia | Posted 2008-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He Only Shoots Heroin on Weekends
Woman, about her son: He's much better since he came back from rehab. He still drinks, but at least he doesn't do glue sniffing anymore.
Mining town
Northern Canadia
Actually, They're Only Perfect If She Blows
Blonde: Even though he had already made a trail of hickies around my neck, he was apparently still in the sucking mood, because then he stole my lollipop!
Friend: That's so not cool. He's such a suck-o-holic!
Blonde: Seriously! I'm beginning to think there isn't anything he won't suck.
Passerby: Well, then you're perfect for each other, because I've heard the same thing about you.
Mt. Vernon, Iowa
Overheard by: Abby
In Whites
Guy #1: No, I mean, this dude is old-school.
Guy #2: Like, how old-school?
Guy #1: Like, so old-school he plays tennis!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: brad
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Overheard in PDX | Stupidity | Posted 2008-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nah, but I've Been Dying to Tell That Story
Physics kid #1: I'm going to stab you in the jugular!
Physics kid #2: I once got hit in the jugular with a ping-pong ball...
Physics kid #1: My friend got hit by a car recently when he was running at night.
Physics kid #2: Wait, in the jugular?
overheardmost
Overheard by: http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2007/04/long-time-no-update.html
Categories: Gossip | Overheard at Cornell | Students | Posted 2008-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Until Woodsy Owl Wreaked a Terrible Vengeance
Six-year-old: My dad took me to this music festival. It was just a bunch of guys in the woods banging drums and making litter.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: litter machine
Categories: Gossip | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Sad Truth Is, Many Women Do.
College guy: No wonder Matt can't get a date -- his best line is, 'Do you want a badly damaged brat?'
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because "Wal-Mart" and "Rich People" Are Practically Synonymous
Old lady #1: There's this neighborhood in Chicago that is absolutely infested with serial killers. Their solution to this was to build a Wal-Mart to bring rich, white people in.
Old lady #2: Did it help?
Old lady #1: No. One of the serial killer victims that was left for dead gave a description for a drawing, and nobody has seen him.
Old lady #2: Maybe he's locked up during the day. Maybe he's retarded and lives in a home and sneaks out only at night when no one will notice him.
Oakland, California
Overheard by: Perplexed Cal student
Categories: California | Gossip | Old folks | Posted 2008-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Sang "Auld Land Syne"
Girl to boy: What did you say when your balls dropped? 'Well, that's different!'
40th and Sansom Streets
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Emily
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Pennsylvania | Posted 2008-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Won the Fuck-Like-Walt-Whitman Contest Hands Down
Dude: Overall, it was a good weekend... My knees, ass and thumb hurt.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: clickmehard
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Maladies | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2008-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Risky Even Sharing a Soda with Her
Redhead: So, Kelly* has a new boyfriend.
Guy friend: I hope he's not allergic to penicillin!
Redhead: Ouch! Me, too!
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: jessi
A Nice Change from My Standard Rape-Murder Fantasy
Awkward guy to girl: Sometimes I pretend you are my child... And man, are you cute!
Eugene, Oregon
Categories: Creepsters | Gossip | Oregon | Posted 2008-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Lines Are More Important Than Others
Queer to another: Wait -- you traded Botox for coke?!
Universal CityWalk
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Gluey
Categories: California | Drugs | Gossip | Queers | Posted 2007-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Structural Engineers Unwind
Girl: That orgy was like Legos -- anyone and everyone on top of each other! You didn't know what was what, who was who, where someone began or where did they end. It was just a big pile of human building blocks of pleasure.
Wonka Bar
Curitiba
Brazil
One of Which I Am As Well
Girl: Is she drunk?
Guy: She's half laughing, half crying, and half retarded.
Coffee shop
Canadia
And That's My Oral Report on Aretha Franklin
Nerd: She looks like Shrek, but she sings well.
School bus
Northern Virginia
Overheard by: Alanna
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Gossip | Virginia | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Instead of Just Giving Head, Like Her Classmates
Woman: She's 12 and she's already having candlelight dinners!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: girl in scrubs
Categories: Gossip | Ladies who lunch | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Left Him with an Iron and a Bathtub to Amuse Himself
Mom, oblivious to sons sliding on ice through parking lot: So, I guess we want a tree that's really tall, but not too wide...
Lady, wincing every time boys slide near a moving car: Wow, those two must be a handful, huh?
Mom: Oh, yeah. Actually, I have three, but the youngest is at home because he broke his neck and he's too hard to cart around.
Syracuse, New York
Public School Builds Character!
Little boy to parents: Nuh-uhhh! I only got thrown up on that one time!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: alexis
Categories: Gossip | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Dachshund Is a Total Exhibitionist
Dude: I'm just going to paint my wiener with glow-in-the-dark paint, turn the lights off, and start dancing.
Guy at next table, making eye contact with only girl in group: Yeah, I heard that, too.
The Village Pub
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: abbs mcnabbs
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Washington | Posted 2007-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Avoid Any Unseemly Sexual Desire
Man: Yeah, we're getting married as soon as she gets her ovaries removed.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Steve
Categories: Body parts | Gossip | Guys | Oregon | Posted 2007-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Starting to Enjoy Having Poop Flung at Her
Italian man on cell: Well, maybe she'll find some nice Scandinavian boy as opposed to those monkeys she's been dating.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: wondering where she meets available monkeys
Categories: Gossip | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's So Cute
Lady: ... So she goes, 'I don't even know if it counts as sex. It was just, like, in and out in one second.' And she's only fifteen!
Restaurant, Belltown
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth
Categories: Gossip | Ladies who lunch | Sex | Washington | Posted 2007-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... And a Smelly Big Toe Is Not a Medical Concern
Surgeon #1: ... So I told him, 'If you just stop putting it in your ass, you won't have that problem!'
Surgeon #2: Yeah.
Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Ass | Gossip | Medical personnel | Posted 2007-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So There Are Only a Few Girls He Can Physically Have Sex With
20-ish girl on cell: No, he's not gay! He's just really, really tall...
Marietta, Georgia
Overheard by: Sidlee
Categories: Georgia | Gossip | On the phone | Posted 2007-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Only the UN Were This Tolerant
Guy #1: ... And he'd just sit in the back at these meetings listening, and every now and then he'd say something really intelligent -- really eloquent, you know? And we'd all be like, 'Wow, that was amazing,' and then we'd notice his testicles were out.
Guy #2: Damn, I miss that guy.
Sub Connection, Ithaca College
New York
Overheard by: BLT on a garlic wrap
That, and the Shrapnel
Preppy girl #1: Yeah, so he's going to be in Iraq until early December, and then he gets to be here until early January, and then he starts his second tour.
Preppy girl #2: That's awesome.
Preppy girl #1: Yeah, except that he's dating my best friend.
Judiciary Square Metro Station
Washington, DC
Overheard by: V
Categories: Gossip | Preppies | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Wear All Black
Professor: Oh, today is Johnny Cash's birthday... In case you need a reason to drink.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Gossip | Overheard at McGill | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Vegetarian Junkies Are So Nervous around Kids
Man: I've got basically everything I need -- I've got the lentils and the sauce. All I need is the methadone and a babysitter.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Gavin
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Washington | Posted 2007-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or, As Much So As Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger
Guy: My sister and I are twins, but I was born first.
Woman #1: Do you mean you just came out first?
Guy: Well, see, what happened was I am two years older than my sister. [Everyone stares at each other.]
Woman #2: ... So you and your sister are twins, but she is two years younger?
Guy: Oh, wait, I'm getting confused with another family story. I am two years older than my sister, but I'm pretty sure we're not twins, either.
900 West Valley Road
Wayne, Pennsylvania
Categories: Family ties | Gossip | Idiots | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Why You Don't Teach a Three-Year-Old How to Use the Phone
Girl on cell in stall: She's crazy. She called me this weekend saying that she had been kidnapped. Isn't that weird? No, I didn't call her back.
Library restroom, Westchester Community College
Valhalla, New York
Overheard by: Catie
Categories: Gossip | New York | On the phone | Posted 2007-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Recommend Not Moving between Them
Conductor over PA after train starts and stops a few times: There are six different kinds of metro cars, all manufactured in different places and different times. This particular train is comprised of three of those kinds. The transit authority says they all work fine together. I'll let you decide that for yourselves...
Blue Line
Washington, DC
Categories: Conductors | Gossip | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, but Just As a Prank
Fast-walking woman: You know him -- Scott...
Fast-walking man: Was that the guy who put your mother to sleep?
Glens Falls, New York
Overheard by: Kate E. Austin
Their Lullabies Are the Stuff of Nightmares
Professor, on possible Nazi allusions in animation: Well, it was a German film, and any time you hear German muttering, it's harsh words and armbands.
Rhode Island School of Design
Rhode Island
Overheard by: Sandro
Categories: Gossip | History | Rhode Island | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hope to Be the Best Piece of Ash She's Ever Had
Old hillbilly: I love my old lady so much, I told her that when I die, I want her to cremate me, put me in a douche bag and give me one more go 'round...
Athens, Georgia
In That I Like Football Players
Chick: So basically I slept with this really hot Australian rugby player that I knew for less than 24 hours, and my dead friend watched.
Dude: We are so different.
Derby, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Gossip | Posted 2007-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Only Stayed Through the Bomb Scare and the Jell-O Wrestling
Undergrad girl in pajamas: ... So then the cops realized that they had the wrong guy on his knees.
Undergrad friend in pajamas: What? Why?
Undergrad girl in pajamas: 'Cause the guy who did it had a ponytail.
Undergrad friend in pajamas: Damn! The coolest stuff happens after I leave.
Tufts University dining hall
Medford, Massachusetts
Categories: Gossip | Massachusetts | Students | Posted 2007-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And We'll Really Try Not to Roll Over and Squish You This Time
Father to baby: Mommy and I are gonna have lots of fun tonight. Yes we are! And we're gonna make sure we don't have another baby like we did last time. [Baby starts to laugh and coo.]
Wegmans
Manalapan, New Jersey
Overheard by: Why do I work here?
Categories: Dads | Gossip | New Jersey | Posted 2007-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Geez, Look at That Guy Run
Guy: So, I heard your daughter is walking around half-naked. Congratulations!
Harvest Faire
Newport News, Virginia
Bed, Bath, and Beat-Offs?
Chick #1: A woman came up to me and said there was a guy beating off into the dress.
Chick #2: Really?!
Chick #1: Sure enough, I walked over and his pants were around his ankles.
Guy passerby: Where the hell do you work?
Omaha, Nebraska
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Masturbation | Nebraska | Posted 2007-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wet the Bed One Too Many Times
Woman: My sister and I slept together in the same bed until we were three. That was when she tried to light the house on fire.
Dalai Lama public speech, Olympic Centennial Park
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Alice
Categories: Chicks | Family ties | Georgia | Gossip | Posted 2007-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But He Gave Me an A on the Midterm, So I Looked the Other Way
Chick: ... And he was so dorky that he, like, mistook my ass for my vagina and he started fingering it, and I was like, 'Oh, he's a pro,' but then I realized and was like, '... Oh...'
Shout-out: overheardatyale.blogspot.com
Overheard by: overheardatyale
Categories: Backdoor | Chicks | Gossip | Overheard at Yale | Posted 2007-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Her Husband, I'm Gonna Have to Say No
Suit on cell: I just want to take her to North Carolina and pound the shit out of her. Is that okay?
18th Street and Belmont Road
Washington, DC
Overheard by: glad im not in NC
Categories: Gossip | Sex | Suits | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because What Else Is There to Do in North Carolina?
College dude on cell: It will be the same thing -- we'll go out drinking, she'll drink too much, she'll cry on my shirt, and then she'll pass out and I'll have to carry her home. Happens every time... Because, dude, she's my girlfriend. It's what we do... Because! It's what everyone does.
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Overheard by: not his girlfriend
Categories: Gossip | North Carolina | On the phone | Relationships | Posted 2007-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Unlike Some of the More Outgoing Stuffed Animals
Man on cell: ... So I just put her in the closet, because she's very quiet...
Military Road and 41st Street NW
Washington, DC
Categories: Gossip | On the phone | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once You Get in, There's Usually Nothing You Want. Like Sex.
Poor college kid #1: So, you used to break into cars?
Poor college kid #2: Yeah.
Poor college kid #1: How was that?
Rochester, New York
Categories: Friends | Gossip | Jobs & Careers | New York | Posted 2007-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Drugging Miss Daisy: Act II
Old woman on cell: Well, I got injected twice today -- once in each arm... Well, I could sure go for a third, I'll tell you that much!
Car wash
La Mirada, California
Overheard by: Higgins
Categories: California | Gossip | On the phone | Posted 2007-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Still Can't Believe I Dated Him
Chick: ... And then the party, like, totally got out of control -- they wanted to put firecrackers in the snake tank! And then my dad kicked everyone out. He didn't actually say anything, he just draped the snake over his shoulders and walked around looking at people with, like, six feet of snake on him.
Friend: Is this one of those stories about how your dad is a bad influence?
Montreal, Quebec
Canadia
Mom's Now Written Me a Series of Letters I'm Afraid to Open
Older woman: So, I was at my parents' house this weekend and there were some condoms sitting on the table...
Friend: What?
Older woman: Yeah. So I asked my mom, 'Why do you need condoms?' And she said, 'It's for easier clean up.'
Friend: Gross!
Older woman: Yeah... So that's why I stopped asking my parents questions.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: Emily I
Categories: Friends | Gossip | North Carolina | Posted 2007-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
While Bearded Ladies Prefer Monkey Bars
Boy to mother: If there's one thing I know about little people, it's that they love playhouses.
ShopKo
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Andre
It Doesn't Matter What Kind of Stick You Pee On, Right?
Dude standing in line: Because when I see Kit Kats, I think home pregnancy tests.
Wegmans
Rochester, New York
She's Not Even My Real Mom -- She Won Me in a Poker Game
Six-year-old soccer player #1: It's about having fun! It's not all about winning.
Six-year-old soccer player #2: My mom says it is.
Lincoln City, Oregon
Like When It's Too Cold for Birkenstocks
Stoner chick: Some people get offended when I tell them I don't want to be a lesbian during certain times of the year.
Bakersfield, California
Categories: California | Gossip | Sexuality | Stoners | Posted 2007-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kind with Compassion Supplements in Every Bite?
Fireman: Yeah, so we were all standing around waiting for this suicidal guy to do whatever, and then we got hungry.
Girlfriend: So what did you all do?
Fireman: We went back to the station and made hot dogs.
Girlfriend: What about the guy?
Fireman: I mean, the cops were still there, and we got back before anything happened. Or, well, before anything eventful happened.
Girlfriend: What kind of hot dogs were they?
Target line
Atlanta, Georgia
Childbirth Is Very Much a Mixed-Media Event
Thrilled grandma: She was smiling so much, she could have shit her face.
Chattanooga State Library
Chattanooga, Tennessee
Overheard by: Joe!
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
Girl #1: So, this guy, like, offers to take her up to his room, and I was like, 'Um, don't think so!'
Girl #2: Oh my god, totally! Yeah!
Girl #1: So I, like, carried her up to my room.
Girl #2: Did you know her at all?
Girl #1: No! But she was pretty drunk, so I, like, made sure she was, like, comfortable or whatever. Then I went down the hall to go to the bathroom, and I come back and she, like, threw up. Like, everywhere.
Girl #2: Was she still there?
Girl #1: No, she was gone! But it smelled really bad.
Girl #2: Ewww! That's so gross.
Villanova University
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Bored In Class
Categories: Bimbettes | Gossip | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Man Can Resist Her
Yale girl: Last night when I was getting ready to go to bed I was putting pajamas on and there was half a quesadilla in my bra.
Shout-out: overheardatyale.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Overheard at Yale | Posted 2007-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only a Limited Number Of Lives Are Available in Vermont
Teacher, reading paper by student #1: 'I'm not living my life yet.' Then whose life are you living?
Student #1, pointing to student #2: His.
Mount Abraham Union High School
Bristol, Vermont
Well, Her Kids Mend All Her Fishnets
Chick: So, how is the roommate situation?
Dude: It's annoying that she is drunk all of the time. She keeps locking herself out or bringing home random guys.
Chick: Amazing that she still finds the time to be a preschool teacher.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: state worker
Categories: California | Friends | Gossip | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Did She Swallow That?
Sophomore guy #1: She got pissy that I didn't want to talk to her anymore.
Sophomore guy #2: What did you do?
Sophomore guy #1: I told her, 'I have pressing GPA issues to worry about and can't be concerned with whether or not you are going to be giving me head.'
Dartmouth College
Hanover, New Hampshire
Overheard by: steph
Categories: Gossip | New Hampshire | Students | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone Knows after the First Trimester, You Move on to Goat Enzymes
Cashier #1: So, do you think Ms. Rachel is pregnant, like Missy said?
Cashier #2: No, Missy is always so full of it.
Cashier #1: Yeah, that's what I thought. I mean, if Ms. Rachel was pregnant, she wouldn't be messing around with pig's blood still.
Target
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: In agreement, although disturbed
Guy Named Hitler
Dude #1: Hey! Hey! Did you hear? They caught that person who killed those two people!
Dude #2: What?
Dude #1: They caught that person who killed those two people. Or they arrested him, I'm not sure.
Dude #2: Who?
Dude #1: I don't know. I saw it on TV.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Gossip | Idiots | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Haunting Image: John McCain in Assless Chaps
Intern girl #1: Bet McCain's into S&M.
Intern girl #2: I can see that.
Intern girl #1: Ever see the veins in McCain's head? They throb all day. I had a boyfriend like that.
Intern girl #2: Did he want to smack you around?
Intern girl #1: He wanted me to smack him around.
Intern girl #2 Did you?
Intern girl #1: Psh. I am sooo not maternal.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Chicks | Eavesdrop DC | Gossip | Posted 2007-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Who Did Your Tits?
Customer: I'm so sorry about the mess I left in the dressing room -- I just had to be sure I loved what I was buying for the big day!
Sales associate: No problem. A girl only gets married once, right?
Customer: Actually, this is my second marriage... What kind of bra are you wearing?
Dillard's
Denton, Texas
She Was Just Very Much in Love. With Crack.
Girl #1, about friend arrested for crack-whoring: She said she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Girl #2: Yeah, right! You don't weigh 85 pounds and have chlamydia because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time!
Hallowell, Maine
Overheard by: smiling widely
Although I Do Like the Nightlife
Queer, when Bible-thumping lady splashes him with holy water: I'm a faggot, not a vampire. There's a difference.
San Luis Obispo Gay Pride Festival
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Rish
Categories: California | Gossip | Queers | San Francisco | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |