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And I Felt Really Bad When the Shoe and I Ran Off to Cancun Without Her
Guy: Didn't you have a friend who lost her virginity to her shoe?
Green haired girl: Yeah. She fell on her foot and ruptured it or something. Like riding a horse.
Pink haired girl: What the fuck?
Guy: Told you!
Green haired girl: I felt bad when she told us because I was the only one busting up laughing.
California
We Respect That You Didn't Take the Easy Route with "Robert Downey Jr."
Girl: "Pokemon Stadium," is just stupid. If the other Pokemon does some confusion attack, you just end up slapping yourself or some shit. No one gets so confused they hurt themselves!
Boy: Tell that to Danny Bonaduce.
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Katie
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Games | Girls | Gossip | Guys | Massachusetts | TV shows | Violence | Posted 2008-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Hamburglar Deserves Everything He Gets
Teenage girl to another: So you can do it! You are going to go there, have sex with him, and I am going to tickle it out of you!
McDonald's
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Girls | Gossip | McDonald's | Offers and requests | Sex | Teens | Tennessee | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Naturally, It's Huge
Young mom, looking disgusted at a paparazzi photo of Pamela Anderson: That's disgusting.
Four-year-old son: What?
Young mom: Honey, what's wrong with this picture?
Four-year-old son: I can see her penis.
Bowling Alley
Indiana
Overheard by: Aunt Oblivious
Eventually We Worked Out a Timeshare Situation
Girl: So this girl was like: "I want half your pants!"
Hazelwood West High School
Florissant, Missouri
Overheard by: Melissa
Crystal Meth Weddings Are Prone to Unpredictability
Woman: It was a disaster. The bride was doing back-bends in the parking lot.
Gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: urzzz
Categories: California | Etiquette | Gossip | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Someone's Been Reading People at the Dentist's Office
Mom: Did you hear that Harry Lee died?
20-something daughter: Yea, and Sylvester Stallone came to the funeral, I thought that was odd.
Previously uninterested dad: Interesting fact about Sylvester Stallone- he has a penial implant.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Categories: About celebrities | Dads | Death & dying | Family | Girls | Gossip | Louisiana | Moms | Penis | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Concerns Me When You Talk About Yourself in the Third Person, Mrs. Smith
Old teacher, about middle school student: Johnny's fine until he has an audience. Then he gets all gang-bangy and tries to screw Mrs. Smith.
Young teacher: Please don't ever say that again.
Restaurant
Redlands, California
Categories: Assholes | California | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Gossip | Grumpies | Guys | Restaurants | Sexuality | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Happy Birthday to You/ Don't Bend to Tie Your Shoe
Girl #1: Hanging out with him on his birthday was so much fun!
Girl #2: Oh, I heard about that! He went to jail, right?
Brooklyn Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Glad they're not my friends
They Lacked the Sweet Aroma Of Chemicals and Seared Flesh
Brunette girl: Well, they were blondes, but they were natural blondes, so not like, hot blondes.
Melbourne
Australia
Pickings Seem to Be Slim in Iowa
College girl #1: So I met up with Jeremy last night.
College girl #2: Ah, the one with the small penis. Wait... No, Adam has the small dick. Jeremy's the bad kisser, right?
College girl #1: To be fair, they're both bad kissers. But yeah, Adam's the one with the small dick.
Coffee shop
Iowa City, Iowa
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bimbettes | Chicks | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Gossip | Iowa | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Penis | Sexuality | Students | Posted 2008-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Surely Mrs. Clinton Has More to Say Than That
Guy: All I heard was, 'Blah, blah, blah, I'm a dirty tramp.'
Los Portales
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: girl at next table
Cards Forgotten, She Now Licks Herself Like a Cat
Girl: So, my roommate's mom still lets her use her credit card, which is crazy! I mean, we're like 24, and I've had my own credit card since forever... But anyways, I guess my roommate had a huge bill last month, and her mom got all upset and called her and said, 'Maybe you should soak the credit cards and put them in the freezer, so when you get the impulse to use them they'll be frozen.' So now we have, like, three credit cards in a tub in our freezer.
Brown Line El
Chicago, Illinois
Wish I Had Somebody Who Cared Enough to Abuse Me
Bimbette #1: ... So, after he called in to quit for me, I'm sure everyone was like, 'He must be one of those, like, abusive boyfriends who won't let her work!'
Bimbette #2: That'd be okay, though.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: an invisible fiend
Categories: Bimbettes | Default | Gossip | Gripes | Minnesota | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom Has Very High Standards
Lazy girl: So, I told my mom that you and I were going to take tennis lessons together in the summer.
Workout friend: Oh, yeah? What did she say?
Lazy girl: She just laughed at me.
Workout friend: Why?
Lazy friend: She said I was too slow, uncoordinated, and she didn't outright say it, but I'm sure she thinks I'm mildly retarded.
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: A mild case of the ADD
During the Sack Race
Guy: I gave her ball-phobia.
Chino, California
'Cause Then She Took One of My Legs and Snapped It
Skinny girl: My roommate's nuts. We got into another fight.
Tall girl: Oh, God, what is it now? She's mad again 'cause you don't rinse every drop of toothpaste out of the sink, right?
Skinny girl: No, it's the mayonnaise! The fucking mayonnaise! She accused me of eating it! Just the plain mayo, not on a sandwich or anything. I looked at her and told her, 'Listen, bitch, I don't eat mayo. I'm anorexic.' She's accusing me of having no self control!
Tall girl: So, what happened then?
Skinny girl: I was drunk, so I threw the mayo out our front door and said, 'Ha! Now no one can eat it!' I don't think that helped the situation at all.
George Herman's
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Default | Food | Girls | Gossip | Health & Hygiene | North Carolina | Skinny people | Violence | Posted 2008-02-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Marriage Happens by Default in the Pacific Northwest
Girl on phone: So, we had this bet that if the Patriots won, we were going to break up, so we were both hoping for that. But that didn't happen, so now we're just kind of stuck together.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Default | Girls | Gossip | Gripes | On the phone | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2008-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But We Should Probably Spread That Rumor Just in Case
Skinny white guy: Yep.
Goth girl: No way.
Skinny white guy: Yep.
Goth girl: No way. Too royal.
Skinny white guy: I'm serious.
Goth girl: No way. Princess Di was way too perfect to be giving someone head while they're driving.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Nick K.
Categories: About celebrities | Australia | BJs | Default | Girls | Gossip | Goths | Guys | Skinny people | Posted 2008-02-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Save That Kind of Behavior for Old Navy
Queer #1: He punched him in the face right in the middle of Banana Republic.
Queer #2: That is so damn rude.
University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Gossip | Gripes | North Carolina | Queers | Violence | Posted 2008-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Didn't Know They Made Thongs That Big
Male student: So, how's your new roommate?
Female student: Well, she has one hundred thirty-three thongs.
Male student: She sounds like a horrible person.
Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland
They've Exorcised Me
Kid: I am the Antichrist.
Teacher: Your parents must be proud.
Kid: No! They're pissed!
Brimmer and May School
Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts
Categories: Bragging | Gossip | Massachusetts | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Hard to Tell Who's Retarded and Who's Just Texan
Chick #1: Sarah took her retarded sister-in-law to the game last night. They ended up getting drunk and going to a strip club. She really is retarded.
Chick #2: Like, literally retarded?
Chick #1: Yeah.
Chick #2: Well, that sounds like an interesting night...
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Wish I could've been there
She's Been Full of Herself Ever Since Daddy Warbucks Adopted Her
Girl: ... And she put all of these articles about how awesome redheads are and how rare they are all over the door and stuck Post-it notes on them saying things like, 'I am a genetic rebel!'
Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
This Is Just Like the Time You Confused Earl Grey and Chamomile
Football player to another: Fuck you, dude. These are spirit fingers, and these are jazz hands!
University of Colorado
Denver, Colorado
I Thought David Spade Seemed Nice
Dude to friends: He was a fiend, I tell you! He's a fiend in woman's form.
University of Liverpool
United Kingdom
Did It Bring the Boys to the Yard?
Girl #1: So, do you know what she told me? Her mother walked in and she was you-know-what-ing... with the milkshake maker!
Girl #2: Huh?
Girl #1: She was -- y'know -- using it down there!
Girl #2: What?!
Girl #1: Gross, I know.
Girl #2: ... Did she make a milkshake with it afterwards?
Newtown, NSW
Australia
Overheard by: buzzcut
Categories: Australia | Girls | Gossip | Masturbation | Posted 2008-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Always Sniffing My Delicate Petals
Science professor: So, the flower has this thing in it that looks exactly like a female wasp, and it smells like a female wasp. So, the male wasp comes up and tries to mate with it -- tries to copulate with it... I had a roommate like that once.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
I Went for the Preschool Pu-Pu Platter
Professor: Did those cops find you the other day? They were waiting outside the classroom.
Student: I know. You're not kidding.
Professor: No, I'm not.
Student: Yeah, I kidnapped the kids over Christmas.
Professor: Good for you.
Arkansas State University
Arkansas
Dude, We're So Not Coming Over. Ever.
Drunk guy to two chicks: I was so tanked last night that I don't know if I shit in my bed or if somebody else shit in my bed as a joke, but someone definitely shit in my bed. It was a pretty good party, though.
dcist.com
It's More Like a Slightly Intoxicated Ferret
20-something on cell: My soul is not a constipated gerbil!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Gossip | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Posted 2008-02-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Kinda Like a Rorschach for Sexual Deviance
Freshman girl: I see a rubber glove, and I don't think it's a rubber glove -- I think it's a condom for a guy with five dicks.
Newton North High School
Newton, Massachusetts
Categories: Gossip | Massachusetts | Students | Posted 2008-02-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well You Asked, Mom.
Dude on cell: Well, I'm either gonna go see the hypnotist or masturbate.
James Madison University
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: asm
Categories: Gossip | On the phone | Time Management | Virginia | Posted 2008-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Throw in a Vibrating Shower-Head and You've Got a Party
Girl: An Ambien in the shower is almost as good as a Screwdriver in the shower.
Lexington, Virginia
Overheard by: Kelly
Who Isn't Discussing the iPhone These Days?
Hipster boy: I mean, yeah, I'd buy it, but I would not have sex with it. I wouldn't fuck it. I'd just buy it.
Oberlin, Ohio
It Was Essentially Like a Bumpy Car Ride
Movie-goer: It was, like, almost orgasmic... without the orgasm.
Nova Cinema
Carlton, Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Hayley
Since You Kept Leaving Lemons with Knives in Them on My Bed
Roommate #1, awkwardly: Hey, do you think we could talk about, um, what happened on Friday?
Roommate #2: Oh?
Roommate #1: We were in here, and you were saying that my board hasn't done anything yet and we're misusing student funds by going on a board retreat. Remember that?
Roommate #2: Oh.
Roommate: Well, then I got up and went into the kitchen and made myself a cup of lemon and honey tea...
Roommate #2: Okay...
Roommate #1: Well, I used Angie's* lemon juice right in front of you, and I think you saw me, and I was wondering if that offended you.
Roommate #2: No, I didn't even notice.
Roommate #1: Oh, okay... Good... Because it's been on my mind all weekend, and I just wanted to clear that up because it seemed like you were mad at me after that.
Canadia
And Then Ran Away, Cackling.
Young guy: Dude, some guy dropped his baby on my foot earlier.
Illinois
Overheard by: munder
On a Good Day, She's You-Don't-Have-to-Be-Drunk-Pretty
Hipster on cell: She's not ugly, she's just not leave-your-girlfriend-pretty.
McDonald's
Morristown, New Jersey
Categories: Beauty | Gossip | Hipsters | New Jersey | Posted 2008-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean, Does That Line Ever Work?
Naked old man: You know, they say you really shouldn't hang meats anymore.
Fully-clothed hipster: ... Really?
YMCA locker room
Chicago, Illinois