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You'll Need to Be More Specific.
40-something woman: Bump-its for everyone!
40-something woman's friend: Yes! Bump-its!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: No thanks...
Categories: Gifts | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2011-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And a Machete
Lady at fruit stall: Well, it's her birthday... I'd better buy her a coconut!
Brisbane
Australia
The Wine Will Reveal Her True Self.
Father to young daughter in department store: I'm just going to get her a bottle of wine since I don't know what a coverup is.
Falls Church, Virginia
Categories: Clothes | Dads | Drinking & drunks | Gifts | Virginia | Posted 2011-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Casino?
Volleyball girl: How come you have a painting of a football helmet on the wall but nothing for us?
Athletic trainer: I don't know. Maybe I'll paint something for you guys.
Volleyball girl: Yeah! You should paint a whole mirage!
Gustavus Adolphus College
Minnesota
Ten Bucks Says She's Fucking Other Guys on It.
Shaven-headed guy #1, while pissing: So she says to me, "can you take out the rubbish?" I said no. Then she asked me, "can you change the cat litter?" I said no. Then she asked me, "can you fix the back door..?"
Shaven-headed guy #2, while pissing: And you said no?
Shaven-headed guy #1: Yeah. Anyway, so for Valentine's Day she gets me a ping pong table. I didn't get her anything. And now I won't let her use the ping pong table.
Shaven-headed guy #2: You're the fucking man, mate!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: England | Gifts | Guys | Offers and requests | Relationships | Posted 2011-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just As Long As It's Hot, Steamy Coffee, Okay?
20-something girl, skipping over to expensive jewelery shop window: Ooooh! Sparkly things!
20-something guy: Fuck.
20-something girl, eyes shining with delight: Oh... Look at the rings... They're beautiful! (sighs)
20-something guy: No.
20-something girl: Look at that one! It's cheap!
20-something guy: It's £450!
20-something girl: You just got paid! Oh, look! That one's even prettier and sparklier!
20-something guy: Granted... But there's also no price tag... So it's probably gonna be £1,000 at least.
20-something girl, resignedly: Yeah. (perks up) But you're my friend... (pleading voice) Buy me a ring... Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssse!
20-something guy: Look, for a £1,000 ring I'm going to expect at least a couple of shags.
20-something girl: True. Oh, well. Let's go get coffee. (skips off)
Burlington Arcade
London
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Georgia Lesbians Do Not Play
Teen girl in dept. store: I need to buy her a present, but it can't be jewelry. She doesn't like jewelry. She likes weapons.
Gainesville, Georgia
She'd Still Be Creepy, but She'd Have a Profession
Middle aged Midwest tourist, extremely wistfully: I wish I would've gotten her that marionette...
Wall Drug
Wall, South Dakota
Overheard by: Melissa
Categories: Gifts | South Dakota | Tourists | Wishes | Posted 2010-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Stabbing a Stranger Is Okay: An Overheard Everywhere Short Story
Indecisive young woman to stranger: It's just so hard to chose which wallet I want!
Stranger: Er, yeah. I'm shopping for a gift for a friend.
Indecisive young woman, holding up two wallets: What do you think, the red or the black?
Stranger: Ummmmm... The black.
Indecisive young woman: Hmmmm. It's just that red is so classy, you know?
Stranger: Then take the red one.
Indecisive young woman: But red doesn't go with everything... Black goes with everything.
Stranger: Then take the black one.
Indecisive young woman: I don't know. I don't like the way it looks inside. I liked that brown one over there (points) but it's a color that would just get dirty so quickly, you know?
Stranger: Mmmm-hmmm.
indecisive young woman, holding up two other wallets: What do you think, what suits me best?
Stranger: Um, they're both nice. It's hard to say which is best.
Indecisive young woman: Oh, I know... Choosing a wallet is such a personal thing, you know?
Mall
Australia
Overheard by: which is why you ask a complete stranger for their opinion
...As Expressly Stated in the Terms Of My Employment.
Girl on phone: You can't just give me some Craisins and expect everything to be okay after you called me a Nazi!
University of Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Florida | Food | Gifts | Girls | Insults | On the phone | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wondered About the Beanie
Brunette: Are you getting him something for Christmas?
Blonde: Why would I?
Brunette: I don't know, I thought you were close!
Blonde: Christmas present? He's Jewish!
Brunette: Ohhhh.
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Gifts | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Religion | Posted 2009-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Then It Also Counts As Your Birthday Present.
Hostess: Your son and I were just talking about what he wants for Christmas.
10-year-old boy: Turkey bacon!
Gruff-looking father: You want turkey bacon for Christmas?
10-year-old boy, to hostess: He never buys any!
Gruff-looking father: Hey, if you want turkey bacon for Christmas, I'll get you turkey bacon.
Restaurant
Middletown, Connecticut
Categories: Baristas | Connecticut | Dads | Food | Gifts | Gripes | Kids | Restaurants | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Will Thailand Think Of Next?
Dude on phone: You have a post-coital gift shop?!
College Campus
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Gifts | Guys | On the phone | Questions | Sex | Shopping | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Which Is Also What Tom Said.
Girl #1: So what are we looking for here?
Girl #2, distractedly: A birthday card for my boyfriend Tom*. (pauses) I mean...
Girl #1: Oh my god, you totally just called your best friend your boyfriend! If that's not a huge Freudian slip, I don't know what is.
Girl #2: Freud can suck my dick!
Culpeper, Virginia
Overheard by: freudian follower
Categories: Gifts | Girls | Insults | Mental illnesses | Questions | Relationships | Shopping | Virginia | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Further Evidence That Some Wood Is Wiser Than Others
Teacher, handing out candy to class: They're really sweet.
Student #1: And they make the roof of your mouth bleed.
Student #2: That's the best part.
High School
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Candy | Gifts | Health & Hygiene | Mouth | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Parenting, Encapsulated.
Little boy: Mommy, come here! I have a present for you!
(mom comes over, little boy proceeds to dump a bucket of water over her head).
Little boy: Did you like it?
Mom: No.
(little boy dumps another bucket of water on her head)
Neighborhood Pool
New Jersey
Overheard by: CMac
Categories: Gifts | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least They Own the Stereotype
Frat guy #1: So my mom bought me two new polos. One is blue with pink, and the other is orange and green. But I already have one that's orange and green.
Frat guy #2: Dude, I'll take it.
Frat guy #1: Nah, I think I'm gonna trade it to Duke for some pot.
Virginia Tech
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Frat boy types | Gifts | Parenting | Virginia | Posted 2009-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What I Got You Last Year
Drunk male friend: What do you want for your birthday, baby? I can make it happen, just tell me what you want!
Really, really drunk birthday girl, pointing at someone else: I want in that guy's pants!
Norfolk, Virginia
So This Better Be at Least Three Karats.
(drunk boy pulls out diamond ring and offers it to drunk girl)
Drunk girl: Fuck you, Tim! You fell asleep at dinner!
London
England
Overheard by: Tequila Sally
I'm Not Even Gonna Ask About Your Leash Collection
Grandmother: So my friend gave me dog biscuits for my birthday.
Teen girl: But you don't have a dog.
Grandmother: She knew I would appreciate them, dear.
Teen girl: And it isn't your birthday.
Grandmother: That doesn't matter. I was going to save them for the Boxer that young man brings around the home, but I got hungry around noon.
Teen girl: Oh no. You didn't.
Grandmother: What? It's not as if I ate them plain. I boiled a cup of coffee and dipped them.
Frammingham, Massachusetts
...As My Grandma Always Said to Me.
Calculus lecturer: If I had 20 million dollars to give you as a gift...I would, just to see you fuck up.
Perth
Western Australia
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Gifts | Money | Words | Posted 2009-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Unless You're Mrs. Claus.
Teenager #1: There's no way for Santa to visit all the houses on earth; that's impossible.
Teenager #2: He doesn't have to visit every house, though. Not everybody celebrates Christmas.
Teenager #1: So? That would be like god saying "Muslims can go fuck themselves, I only watch out for Christians."
Teenager #3: Some people actually do believe that.
Teenager #2: Yeah, I mean, if they don't celebrate Christmas, then...
Teenager #1: You know, at the speed Santa would need to travel to deliver gifts to all those people, his sleigh would literally catch on fire.
Teenager #2: Dude, see, it works like this...
Teenager #1: No, here's how it works: there's no fucking Santa.
Chino, California
Categories: California | Christianity | Default | Gifts | God | Santa Claus | Teens | Posted 2009-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Accidental Marriages Happen All the Time in Portland
5th grader boy #1: She's my girlfriend, not my wife.
5th grader boy #2: Are you going to marry her?
5th grader boy #1: No, but I could.
5th grader boy #2: No way!
5th grader boy #1: Yeah, all you have to do is buy a diamond ring. Or really, any kind of ring.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: amy.
Categories: Default | Gifts | Guys | Money | Overheard in PDX | Questions | Relationships | Students | Posted 2009-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Got the List Whittled Down to Me, You, and Anderson Cooper
Punk dude: I have the ability to decide who deserves a soul.
Manitou Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Nathan Brauner
I've Got My Surprised Face on and Everything!
Toddler being towed by mom, bawling: But I want that to be my surprise now!
Convenience Store
Greenwich, Connecticut
Overheard by: Tyrone
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Gifts | Kids | Offers and requests | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Men Want You to Want Them, It's That Simple
Girl: So, you're like, a guy, right?
Guy: Um, yeah.
Girl: What would you want for Valentine's Day?
Guy: Sex.
Girl: Oh. I mean as a present.
Guy: Yeah. Still sex.
Georgetown, Washington DC
It'll Give Her a Break from the Monotony of Fucking Me
Guy #1: What are you going to get your girlfriend for her birthday?
Guy #2: I got her this sweater she wanted. But I'm also going to get her a dildo in case she doesn't like the sweater. That way she can go fuck herself.
Roosevelt Field Mall
Long Island, New York
You Didn't Include the Instructions
Left on voice mail: I wanted to talk to you about these cupcakes. They are making me a little nervous. Call me.
Clearwater, Florida
Overheard by: friend of the cupcake king
Ugly Children May Be Retrieved at the Lost and Found
Flight attendant: As we prepare to disembark, please check to make sure you have not abandoned any bags, personal items or children. All abandoned items will be divided up among the flight attendants, except the children, who will be given to the captain.
JetBlue Flight
Categories: Airports & flights | Flight attendants | Gifts | Offers and requests | Offspring | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But That Evangelist Preacher Already Bought All the Harnesses
Woman to man: She said that if she leaves her husband, I can have the handcuffs.
UC Berkeley's campus
Berkeley, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Gifts | Guys | Offers and requests | Relationships | Women | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So You Can't Date Jews or Muslims
Girl #1: Hey, what's your shoe size?
Girl #2: Six.
Girl #1: I've got a pair of shoes that would fit you, if you want them. They smell vaguely of bacon.
Vancouver
British Columbia
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Food | Friends | Gifts | Girls | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Shoes | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Conversion in Progress --Please Stand Back
Guy: My cousin got me this Jesus bracelet in like Cuba or something. It was only a dollar!
Jewish girl: Jesus shouldn't have a price!
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: oh, jesus
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Geography | Gifts | Girls | Guys | Jesus | Jews | Money | New Jersey | Religious fanatics | Stupidity | Posted 2008-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, That Self-Actualization Seminar Was a Bust
Nine year-old girl: I want that shirt and you are going to get it for me. Any questions?
Mom: Many. Shut up and put the damn shirt back.
Target
Atlanta, Georgia
Let's Just Say My Love Affair with One of the Muppets Ended As Quickly As It Began
Professor: Has anyone ever eaten anything that made them sick, and now they have an aversion to it? [A few students reply.] Yeah, I think it happens to everyone... Like for me, it's those small, white powdered doughnuts. I just can't eat them anymore -- they taste furry now, and the thought of something furry in my mouth makes me gag. [Pause.] I think I've said too much.
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: well, now I'm jsut curious...
How You Know Which Kind of "Special" Your Kid Is
Mom: I think that I will get him his first Rubik's Cube. He'd probably eat it.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: someone who doesnt eat rubik's cubes
Like Your Father Needs More Encouragement to Be Flatulent
Little boy: Mommy! I want to get my daddy this card!
Mother: But honey, you don't know what that means.
Little boy: Yes, I do! I do!
Mother: Okay, what does it mean?
Little boy: Pull my finger. It means... pull my finger! That's what you do, right? You pull the monkey's finger.
Mother: Um... Honey, you don't know what that means. Here, why don't you give Daddy this other card instead?
Little boy, crying: No! I do know what it means. I want to get my daddy this card! He would like it!
Mother, sighing: Okay, fine... But you don't know what it means.
Little boy, happily: My daddy is really going to like this card! I just know it!
Fred Meyer
Springfield, Oregon
Sends Me Puppies, One Piece at a Time
Quartet member #1: ... And now for some delicious candy from my stalker!
Quartet member #2: I love her! She's so sweet!
Musicians' lounge, Kohl Mansion
California
Categories: California | Coworkers | Gifts | Posted 2008-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But We Are on a Budget, So You'll Have to Share Needles
Dad to table full of preteens: If everyone's good, they can get one tattoo and one piercing.
Pei Wei, 7th Avenue
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Ken
The Day Our Latin Teacher Just Lost It
Yeller: I brought you peanuts and toilet paper as a peace offering, and what did you bring me? Nothing! You brought me nothing! What does that say about our relationship?!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: michael
Categories: Crazies | Gifts | Gripes | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Loved Being Your Finger-Puppet
Short girl: I'm gonna go and buy you a birthday card.
Tall girl: Yeah, you didn't buy me anything for my birthday!
Short girl: Yes, I did! I bought your fingers!
Tall girl: Oh, yeah! [Laughs.]
Magnolia Mall
Florence, South Carolina
Categories: Friends | Gifts | South Carolina | Posted 2007-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
