Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

Ugly Children May Be Retrieved at the Lost and Found

Flight attendant: As we prepare to disembark, please check to make sure you have not abandoned any bags, personal items or children. All abandoned items will be divided up among the flight attendants, except the children, who will be given to the captain.

JetBlue Flight

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But That Evangelist Preacher Already Bought All the Harnesses

Woman to man: She said that if she leaves her husband, I can have the handcuffs.

UC Berkeley's campus
Berkeley, California

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So You Can't Date Jews or Muslims

Girl #1: Hey, what's your shoe size?
Girl #2: Six.
Girl #1: I've got a pair of shoes that would fit you, if you want them. They smell vaguely of bacon.

Vancouver
British Columbia
Canadia

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Conversion in Progress --Please Stand Back

Guy: My cousin got me this Jesus bracelet in like Cuba or something. It was only a dollar!
Jewish girl: Jesus shouldn't have a price!

Montclair State University
New Jersey

Overheard by: oh, jesus

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Well, That Self-Actualization Seminar Was a Bust

Nine year-old girl: I want that shirt and you are going to get it for me. Any questions?
Mom: Many. Shut up and put the damn shirt back.

Target
Atlanta, Georgia

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Let's Just Say My Love Affair with One of the Muppets Ended As Quickly As It Began

Professor: Has anyone ever eaten anything that made them sick, and now they have an aversion to it? [A few students reply.] Yeah, I think it happens to everyone... Like for me, it's those small, white powdered doughnuts. I just can't eat them anymore -- they taste furry now, and the thought of something furry in my mouth makes me gag. [Pause.] I think I've said too much.

Rutgers University
New Jersey

Overheard by: well, now I'm jsut curious...

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How You Know Which Kind of "Special" Your Kid Is

Mom: I think that I will get him his first Rubik's Cube. He'd probably eat it.

Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com

Overheard by: someone who doesnt eat rubik's cubes

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Like Your Father Needs More Encouragement to Be Flatulent

Little boy: Mommy! I want to get my daddy this card!
Mother: But honey, you don't know what that means.
Little boy: Yes, I do! I do!
Mother: Okay, what does it mean?
Little boy: Pull my finger. It means... pull my finger! That's what you do, right? You pull the monkey's finger.
Mother: Um... Honey, you don't know what that means. Here, why don't you give Daddy this other card instead?
Little boy, crying: No! I do know what it means. I want to get my daddy this card! He would like it!
Mother, sighing: Okay, fine... But you don't know what it means.
Little boy, happily: My daddy is really going to like this card! I just know it!

Fred Meyer
Springfield, Oregon

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Sends Me Puppies, One Piece at a Time

Quartet member #1: ... And now for some delicious candy from my stalker!
Quartet member #2: I love her! She's so sweet!

Musicians' lounge, Kohl Mansion
California

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But We Are on a Budget, So You'll Have to Share Needles

Dad to table full of preteens: If everyone's good, they can get one tattoo and one piercing.

Pei Wei, 7th Avenue
Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: Ken

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The Day Our Latin Teacher Just Lost It

Yeller: I brought you peanuts and toilet paper as a peace offering, and what did you bring me? Nothing! You brought me nothing! What does that say about our relationship?!

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: michael

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And I Loved Being Your Finger-Puppet

Short girl: I'm gonna go and buy you a birthday card.
Tall girl: Yeah, you didn't buy me anything for my birthday!
Short girl: Yes, I did! I bought your fingers!
Tall girl: Oh, yeah! [Laughs.]

Magnolia Mall
Florence, South Carolina

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