Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

You're Just in Time to See the Internet Made Illegible

Soldier: What is that thing?
Passenger #1: An iPhone.
Passenger #2: Man, where the hell have you been?
Soldier: Iraq.

Flight from Minneapolis to Pittsburgh

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She Does a Lovely Rendition of "Plaque in the USSR"

American woman on cell: So when you go to Moscow, can you bring me back some toothpaste? Yeah, just Crest. Thanks.

13th St
Washington, DC

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Would It Help If I Glued This Viola to My Hand?

Non-Asian student to Asian student: Dude, I keep forgetting you're Asian.
Asian student: I know! Me too!

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: m. Jo.

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But They Look Fantastic the Whole Time

Professor: The Swedes. They look at the glaciers, go inside, watch a Bergman film, have a heavy drink, then have some sex in the sauna, but ultimately that is unsatisfying, so they kill themselves.

Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: Secret Spy

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Some Of Ty Pennington's Ideas Are Rejected by the Network

Guy walking by the main library: ... And we could have, like, a Moroccan sex room, with pillows and draperies!
Male friend: Right on!

University of Toronto
Canadia

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They Have the Cutest Little Subway

[Girl hugging a guy.]
Girl: Eew, you smell like vagina.
Guy: Oh no, that's just Philadelphia.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by: EavesdropDC

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It Is Hard To Come Across Jeans Already Faded

Guy watching Macy's commercial: Ugh! This American obsession with consumerism is just disgusting! Not to mention flawed.
Sarcastic girl: What the hell do you think you are, Mr. Abercrombie jeans? Jamaican?

Western Washington University
Bellingham, Washington

Overheard by: He was obviously a freshman

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At Least You Have Your Priorities Straight

Ten-year-old boy: You know what I would have if I could have four wishes?
Big sister: I don't know. What?
Ten-year-old boy: One: no drought in Georgia; Two: no global warming; Three: world peace; Four: a Komodo dragon that is really nice and fun to play with, is a vegetarian, lives forever and can grant eternal life.

Druid Hills, Atlanta

Overheard by: Miranda

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As We Shall See in Today's Film, Big British MILFs

Biology professor: There are a lot of great tits in england.

Knox College
Galesburg, Illinois

Overheard by: Oh, bio...

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....If There Any Left

College kid: Excuse me, what is the difference between these potato pancakes and a potato latka?
Grocery stocker: Um, I don't know what a latka is, so I couldn't tell you.
College kid: A Jewish potato pancake.
Grocery stocker: Well, those potato pancakes are German.
College kid: I wonder if a German Jew would eat them.

Sendik's Grocery Store
Grafton, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Arthur

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But We Call Them "American Voters"

American chick #1: Ohmigod! Look at those white cows! I've never seen cows like that before!
American chick #2: Maybe they're albino... Or it could be a special British type of cow.
Guy sitting behind them: ... Those are sheep.

Bus, Southern England

Overheard by: pretends to be Canadian

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Why Does "Mountainous Region" Sound Dirty to Us?

Older man walking: I know we live in a mountainous region, but if we lived in a really mountainous region I'd wear pants.

University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts

Overheard by: I'd wear pants too...

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And at Least the Newport Jazz Festival Is Over in Three Days

Guy in suit: I said, "It's better than a Chinese prison, you should be used to it by now."

Memorial Union Bus Stop
University of Rhode Island, Kingston, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Jo

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Sometimes She Feels Like Wearing It. Sometimes She Doesn't

Big sister: Look sis! This coat says it was made in Macedonia.
Little sister: Isn't that a nut?

Macy's at Roosevelt Field
Long Island, New York

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Remember How I Said I Couldn't Come to Class Yesterday Morning Because I Was "Tied Up"?

Professor: Never spend the night with a Croatian! Those guys are fucked up.

Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire

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They're Instrumental in Getting High?

Professor: So the wars of opium wars were fought because the Chinese didn't want their citizens smoking their bongos and being loopy.
Student: Wait, bongos?
Professor: Yeah those pipe things... Bongos, right?

Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: Erika

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So Maybe She Needed Out-of-This-World Sex

Guy on cell: Yeah, I hooked up with her. [pause] I fucked her. She was tight. [pause] She hasn't called me back. I don't get why it's so hard to take five seconds out of your day to see how I'm doing. [pause] She's, like, Asian. Half Asian and half alien.

Barnes & Noble
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Hobo

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Do You Want to Go to Epcot? Do You?

Mother to daughter: You don't want to piss me off in the happiest place on earth!

Disneyland
Anaheim, California

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They Wear Silly Clothing and Nothing Much Happens?

Professor, in regards to nationalism in film: Now what makes a film "British"?
Valedictorian: They all speak British?

University of Texas
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Adam

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Ever Seen a Cat Goose-Step?

Teen girl: I put my new bra on my cat's head and he looked like a German soldier.

New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

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The Foil Helmet Just Seals in the Knowledge

Student: I have this irrational fear of being clunked over the head and shipped to a country whose alphabet I don't know, so I'm trying to learn all these alphabets... I must be paranoid, I don't know.

Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: l_tau

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Later That Night, She Was Attacked in Her Bed with Maple Syrup

Professor: So what sorts of people travel abroad and exploit children that are forced into prostitution?
Student: Canadians.
[Class remains silent and professor stares.]
Student: ...I... Was just kidding.

Las Positas College
Livermore, California

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Yeah, but We're Also in Boston

Girl #1: And yeah... She had these stains on her teeth.
Girl #2: Ew! Why... We're in America.

Boston, Massachusetts

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Conversion in Progress --Please Stand Back

Guy: My cousin got me this Jesus bracelet in like Cuba or something. It was only a dollar!
Jewish girl: Jesus shouldn't have a price!

Montclair State University
New Jersey

Overheard by: oh, jesus

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I'm Gonna Write Off This Ride As an Educational Expense

WASPy college student to cab driver: You're absolutely right, sir. A curse upon the Saudis.

eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

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I Mean Geraniums!

Woman #1: Where did you go to college?
Woman #2: University of Cape Town.
Woman #1: Oh, is that in Virginia?
Woman #2: No, it's actually in South Africa.
Woman #1: Ohhhh, sorry, I'm bad with geometry.
Woman #2: ...
Woman #1: I mean geology!

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: Actually, that was my mom.

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Ironically, the Skirt Has a Silver Lining

Girl in uniform: So when I went to pick up my uniform there were no skirts. So my mom was like "My daughter needs bottoms."
Friend: That sucks!
Girl in uniform: Yeah, the skirt I'm wearing now belongs to this girl who was deported to Trinidad.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Myr

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In That She's an American in a Brit's Body

Guy #1, after British tourists leave elevator: Stupid British bitches.
Guy #2: Wow, you hate Brits?
Guy #1: You know it.
Guy #2: But Maggie is British, and you like her.
Guy #1: Yeah, well, that's because Maggie is a tranny.

Hotel Whitcomb
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Adam

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In Case You Were Wondering

American construction worker: See, you escaped communism. All I ever did was join the disco demolition night at Comisky park.
Polish construction worker: I didn't escape communism, I got kicked out. Big difference.

Chicago, Illinois

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...Once I Ran Out of Poop

Daughter: Mommy, mommy, that dress makes you look sixteen years younger!
[Later]
Daughter: Mommy, if you were stranded in the desert without any water, what would you do?
Mother: [No response].
Daughter: [to little sister] I would eat my own blood.

Old Navy
Promenade Mall, California

Overheard by: Claustrophobic

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The French: "We're on Your Side?"

Professor: And the French, they?re only worth 2/3 of a person because, well, they?re on our side, but they don?t fight well.

Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com

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Isn't That Cute?

Man, pointing out the window, to his wife: Look, honey, they even have cars!

Shout-out: zipster.wordpress.com

Overheard by: The Zipster

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A Globe Is Quite Another Matter

Professor: There's nothing sexual about this map... For me, at least.

Kansas State University
Manhattan, Kansas

Overheard by: Nicole

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Or Mechanical Bull -- Whichever's Closest.

Drunk Texan to car with window open: Excuse me, where's the nearest brothel?

Miller Park parking lot
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

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Mmm, Faminelicious.

Chick: Brazilians are the bomb.
Dude: Eastern European chicks are always sooo hot because they can't afford food.

Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com" rel="external">www.overheardatmcgill.com

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Or Maybe "We're Full -- Don't Reproduce!"

Girl: Yeah, like, the day after I got back I was on St. Laurent Street and I saw a used condom on the sidewalk. It was like the city was saying, 'Welcome home!'

Montreal
Canadia

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And Stop Masturbating in the Shower -- You're Clogging the Drain.

Pilot to passengers: Welcome to Hawaii! I'm going to tell you all what my mom told me when I turned 18: get your bags and get out.

Direct flight from Seattle, Washington to Oakland, California

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I'm Safer Here Where Everybody Hates Me

Girl on cell: Nooo... I'm not sure I should go to Florida. That could lead to sex.

Cornell University
Ithaca, New York

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