Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

We Thought Only Americans Knew This Little About Sex Ed.

[Line for ladies' room]
Girl #1: Hi, do you mind if I cut in front of you? It's urgent.
Girl #2: Sure.
Girl #1: Thanks, I have to change my tampon.
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]
Girl #1: I have to make sure I change it often. Not too often, because once I changed it too much and got chlamydia.
Girl #2: Oh...[Suppresses laugh.]

Western Australia
Australia

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Instead I Politely Smell Your Crotch

Middle school chick: Sir, are you married?
Substitute teacher: That's a very personal question. That's like if I asked you, "Has it started yet?"

Terman Middle School
Palo Alto, California

Overheard by: heerothewizard

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Looked Like He Might Be Manorexic

Teen girl on cell: I saw this guy with a man tramp stamp... A mamp stamp.

Green Line
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: sadie

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Really the Only Way to Be Safe in a Manhole

Construction worker yelling into manhole: As a matter of fact, I'm wearing a condom right now! Really! I put one on this morning.

10th and Pine
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Didn't want to know

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2008: Microsoft Pilots MS Office Assistant, "Buzzy the Dildo"

Guy: You know when you do a "Find File" in Windows? Yeah. I want to kill the little animated dog... It bothers me.
Girl: Hahaha... Yeah. It's better than the paperclip.
Guy: Meh... Only because he doesn't pop up unexpectedly. Clippy was kind of cool if he weren't in the way.
Girl: Thats what he wants you to think! He makes you feel bad for hating him!
Guy: Why this makes me want to have an animated kitten running around my desktop, I don't know. I used to have such a program.
Girl: I had a stripper on my laptop. She danced and stripped whenever music came on.
Guy: You're such a closet nympho.
Girl: Yeah. For my dreams class, we have to write all our dreams down and share them with the class. Last night I dreamt I was trekking through a jungle in gold prada heels to find my doctor to get an HIV test. I'm not sure I want the class psychoanalyzing that one.

Portland, Maine

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Guy: Come Back! I Can Change It!

Girl #1: I can understand the idea behind having an affair...
Girl #2: Yeah, it's the change of scenery.
Girl #3: The change of dick...

East Lansing, Michigan

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From the Three's Company Cutting-Room Floor

Female roommate, discussing broken toilet: It's funny how the tampon goes but not the poop.
Male roommate: I should have stayed in my room.

Montreal
Quebec
Canadia

Overheard by: should've stayed at the library...

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As Soon As We Get On, I'm Grabbing a Pole and Ripping Them Off

Chick: Well, my mom wouldn't let me on the train until I wore pants, so there ya go.

Southmoor station
Aurora, Colorado

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I Thought the Figure on the Door Was Sporting a Jaunty Kilt

Man in stall on the left: Bill, I think we're in the wrong bathroom.
Man in stall on the right: Yeah, I think I just figured that out.

Women's restroom at United Center
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: the girl in the stall between them

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Um, Racoon Mario Is So Much More Useful

Girl playing video game: Some girls just want to get married. I just want fire.

Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Kelson

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And You'd Be Like, "I Got the Pus-sy!"

Lady professor: AU is so different, there are so many females here. When I was in college, my sophomore year it was a five to one ratio! Males to females! The men were hanging from the trees. You'd walk through campus, wary, and then you'd sit at the cafeteria table and look up from your breakfast and there would be five guys -just staring at you!

Justice Research Class, American University
Washington, D.C.

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If They've Been Naughty, Santa Brings Them Small Penises.

Female college student: Do boys still really have cooties at thirteen?
Male college student: Nope. That's when they get penises.

Tempe, Arizona

Overheard by: Meghan

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As My Plaques and Trophies Will Attest

Dude carrying Subway sandwich: My ass? No, I wouldn't expect a girl to be looking at my ass.
Chick carrying Subway sandwich: Oh yeah. Women will look at your ass. But they can't check out the other thing.
Dude: Well, under certain circumstances . . .
Chick: No, there's nothing equivalent. There's no cleavage shot.
Dude: A girl slapped my ass at the gym the other day.
Chick: Oh yeah. That's right. I have slapped lots of asses.

Howard and New Montgomery
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Cleavage Shots All Around!

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I Wonder If the Hospital Would Give Me a Discount If I Produced in Bulk

Black woman, to friend: I love Costco. It makes me like, want to have five kids.

Costco
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania

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Ever Seen a Cooch Do Three Snaps in Z-Formation?

Girl: Ryan, if you had a vagina, what would she wear?
Boy: She? What if I had a male vagina?
Boy #2: Oh, he would be so sassy!

Melbourne, Florida

Overheard by: Livi

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Kendra Wilkinson's Major Life Accomplishment

Preppy girl on cell: the longest amount of time I've had pubic hair is three days.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: kt

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At Least He's Stopped Talking About His Turds.

Bitter guy: Girls don't care about men, so I can't relate to them. And men only care about sports, food, video games, and women. I do like to eat, but I hate women. I don't like sports at all, and I'm soooo good at video games that other people can't play with me because I am just too awesome.
Girl sitting at the table with him: Yeah...

University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts

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Mmm, Faminelicious.

Chick: Brazilians are the bomb.
Dude: Eastern European chicks are always sooo hot because they can't afford food.

Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com" rel="external">www.overheardatmcgill.com

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A Penis Doesn't Care What You Think

Blonde: ... And then there was, like, this penis all up in my face, and I was like, 'But I thought you were a girl...'

Montclair State University
New Jersey

Overheard by: Anna

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Unless Jesus Got Jealous

Girl: You know, Santa and Superman would make an adorable gay couple.

Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee

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Four-Eyed Men Are Illegal in Oklahoma

Little girl: I'll tell you what my daddy looks like. He has eyeglasses and he's a woman.

Car dealer
Midwest City, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Reiza

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Ever Wonder What Texas Sex Ed Classes Actually Teach about Homosexuality?

20-ish redhead: My life would have been so different if I had two gay dads.
20-ish brunette: They would have dressed you in ball gowns every day.
20-ish redhead: Can you imagine the Barbies I would have had?
20-ish brunette: Wow. You would have had all the Barbies.
20-ish redhead: Barbie would have come to my birthday parties.
20-ish brunette: Yes, but she would have been a man.

Houston, Texas

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By Then, Hopefully Grandma Will Be Dead

Little boy wearing necklace: Mom, can I change my name to 'Elizabeth'?
Frazzled mom: No, I told you -- that's a girl's name, and you're a boy.
Little boy: Well, can I change to a girl?
Frazzled mom: Not until you're eighteen.

Wegmans
Rochester, New York

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And Terrible Wig-Hair

Smug male hipster law student: I don't do gender-bending anymore -- it almost always leads to bar fights.

Washington College of Law
Washington, DC

Overheard by: If it weren't for my horse...

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Um... During?

Hot girl: I haven't had sex in so long.
Cute friend, nodding: Mmmm.
Hot girl: Nobody pays attention to me...
Cute friend: It's 'cause you only have boyfriends.
Hot girl: Yeah... And... [Whispers] I kinda like pooping.

Tampa, Florida

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There's a San Francisco Men's Room without Lotion?

Suit #1: The ladies here really have it better than the guys.
Suit #2: Like how?
Suit #1: Like the women's restroom -- they've got nice stuff in there. They've got flowers and hand lotion and, like, free tampons! Why don't the guys get that?!

San Francisco, California

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Then I May Have Paid Too Much at the Parts Department

Girl: It's not like you can wake up and be like 'Hm. I want to be a girl today,' and then put on your girl parts!
Guy: Ohhh... It's not?

Auditorium Shores
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Ellison's Orange

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Lucy's a Frog

Six-year-old: You know my friend, Lucy? Well, before she was a girl she was a boy.
Mom: What? That's not possible. You can't change from being a girl to being a boy.
Six-year-old: But Lucy did.
Mom: No, she didn't. Why are you saying this?
Six-year-old: She did! She was a boy and now she's a girl! She told me!
Mom: She's lying. It doesn't happen that way.
Six-year-old: But she did! You don't know anything! She was a boy and now she's a girl!

Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: just over the fence

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And If You Like Him, Like, More Than a Friend

Employee to customer: Excuse me, my boss wants to know if you're a transvestite.

Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com

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Also, He Supports Breast Cancer Research

Lady: Oh, how cute is she?!
Woman with kid: Actually, it's a he.
Lady: Well, why is he wearing a pink hat?
Woman with kid: Because he's gay!

Sweden
Shout-out: www.tjuvlyssnat.se

Overheard by: Lina

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