Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Fruit All Categories > Topics > Food > Fruit
Recent | Best Of
And a Machete
Lady at fruit stall: Well, it's her birthday... I'd better buy her a coconut!
Brisbane
Australia
Your Editors Are Not Proud Of Having Seen This
Confused-sounding girl on cell: I could fit an orange in my vagina?
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Even Though They Put the "Ass" in Potassium?
Guy: I'm going to sneeze!
Girl, getting in his face: Think about bananas! Think about bananas! You won't sneeze.
Religion professor: Just like thinking about bananas won't get you pregnant...
College
Rock Island, Illinois
Overheard by: I like bananas....
You Always Know Just What to Say.
Boyfriend, quietly to girlfriend: You put the lime in the coconut, and dunk your balls in.
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
Categories: Advice | Couples | Fruit | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whereas Mine Is Much More Of a Peeing Plum
Girl, smelling another girl's hair: You're right! It does smell like a sweaty peach.
Australia
Categories: Australia | Fruit | Girls | Hair | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because This Is New Jersey, Bitch!
Girl #1, discussing her boobs: I have lemons! What do you have?
Girl #2: Shit, I have watermelons.
Girl #3, grabbing her own boobs: I have cantaloupes.
Girl #1: Why are you grabbing your cantaloupes?
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Euphemisms | Fruit | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2010-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In Other Words, Pie
Blonde girl: I like summer fruits... Like strawberries.
Guy: What about others?
Blonde girl: Only if it's puree, or used in a sexual nature.
Masters' Room
University of Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Bimbettes | Fruit | New Zealand | Sexuality | Toys | Posted 2010-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Steve Miller: "Same Here."
Girl: How do you choose a good peach?
Guy: I go with whichever would make the prettiest vagina. Seems to work pretty well.
Produce Market
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Dr. Banana Grabber
When Life Hands You Apples...
Serious guy: There is no... fucking... applesauce!
Dining Hall
UC, Santa Cruz
Overheard by: Willing to bet there's no regular applesauce either
Categories: California | Food | Fruit | Guys | Insults | Posted 2010-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Given My Raspy Voice
Blonde: I like berries. Kate, you should be a berry.
Kate: That can be arranged.
California
Categories: California | Fruit | Girls | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Although You're Kind Of Taking the Choice Out Of My Hands Right Now.
40-something pant suit lady #1: I've been trying to cut back on my calories.
40-something pant suit lady #2: Well, you should try...
40-something pant suit lady #3, interrupting: You should try eating a lot of fruit.
40-something pant suit lady #1: Yeah, that sounds like a great idea, my friend told me about...
40-something pant suit lady #2, interrupting: No one ever listens to me! You're always ignoring what I'm saying, and I have a lot of good things to say. (turns to 20-something male at next table) You would listen to me wouldn't you?
20-something male, looking annoyed: No.
Panera
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: Sweedie
...As Is Jewish Custom.
20-something girl on cell: She washed all the fruit before putting it into the bowl. (pause) We're gonna need a medium-sized male stripper to go along with it, also.
NJ Transit
New Jersey
Categories: Fruit | New Jersey | On the phone | Sexuality | Posted 2010-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And What Kind Of a Lame-Ass Answer Is "Energy"?
Tutor: So what are some things you associate with lemons?
Student #1: Yellow!
Student #2: Energy!
Student #3: Gin-an-tonic!
Tutor: What? Genitalia? Who said genitalia?
Massey University
Wellington
New Zealand
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Fruit | New Zealand | Questions | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Day I Met Charlie Sheen
Dude to friends: So he had this towel spread out on the bed, and he popped a cherry in his mouth...
San Luis Obispo, California
Adam and Eve Were Initially Quite Confused About Sex
Girl to friend: Yes, but he can't pick it off an apple tree that comes out of my vag.
Dorm
Washington, DC
When Life Gives You Avocados...
Checker, as customer places avocados on the belt: Are these lemons?
Grocery Store
Centerville, Utah
Overheard by: JC
Carnie Wilson's Mother Tried, But She Was Not Successful
Little girl in cart: Cheetos! That's my favorite snack!
Mom: No! Fruit is your favorite snack, remember?
Flemmington, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Fruit | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Posted 2009-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Beginning to Suspect They're Not Twist-Off
Girl #1: Yeah, bananas cost less than apples.
Girl #2: No way, I'd totally choose apples over bananas.
Girl #1: Really? I'd choose bananas, they fill me up more.
Girl #2, thoughtfully: I can't open bananas.
Canadia
I'm Gonna Ride This Science Project All the Way to Harvard
Enthusiastic teenager, waving hands emphatically: If you can deep throat a banana, you can suck a dick!
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: If you can wax a car...
Time to Start Talking About Gay Rights in More PC Terms
Voice over intercom: So, come out and buy some juice and support a good cause.
Girl #1: Um, what good cause?
Girl #2: I dunno. Fruit?
High School
Calgary
Canadia
Get Off That Muffin for a Sec.
Guy #1, smashing grapes: I'm making wine.
Guy #2: That's not how you make wine.
Guy #3: Yeah, you need yeast. Hey, Melissa, come here.
Maryland
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Fruit | Guys | Maryland | Science | Posted 2009-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Defines Me.
Hobo to hipster: Is a BlackBerry a cell phone?
Hipster: Yeah, but I don't have one.
Hobo: I like blackberry pie!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Cell phones | Compare and contrast | Default | Fruit | Hipsters | Hobos | Questions | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...If You Know What I Mean...
Student to friend: When she painted the banana, or vice-versa.
Colby-Sawyer College
New Hampshire
Overheard by: J.McC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Fruit | New Hampshire | Students | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seriously, Just Kill Us Now
Pre-cal teacher to apathetic senior students: Now we're getting into the fun stuff--exponential growth of fruit flies!
Prattville, Alabama
Overheard by: Lindsey
Are There No Gay Cougars?
Fratty-looking queer #1: I need some lip balm. My lips feel all dried up, like...old fruit.
Fratty looking queer #2: You are an old fruit. (pause) No, really, you're 25, which means you're almost 30, which means you're almost dead.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: gymbo
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Death & dying | Default | Feelings | Fruit | Massachusetts | Queers | Posted 2009-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like the Sex-Ed DVD Abortion: Delicious, but Deadly
Female college student eating grapes: Look, it's a baby grape. And this one is like a grape fetus.
Roommate: What? Are there flavored fetuses?
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Larissa
Sculpted to Look Like a Hamburger
Vegetarian, pointing to pink thing on her plate: What animal is that?
Waitress: That's a pear.
Mt. Vernon, New York
Overheard by: Deek
...Well, Great to See You Again!
Girl: Didn't I lick maple syrup off you once?
Guy: I thought I licked maple syrup off you.
Girl: Really?
Guy: Wait, no. It was honey.
Girl: Oh, yeah. Honey.
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: Olivia
Only If Mom Stops Using the Cucumber For...You Know.
Father to four-year-old: Stop spanking the eggplant!
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Kay
Hello? I'm Eating a Cucumber Sandwich With No Crusts!
Guy #1: What are those, zucchini?
Guy #2, with sandwich: No, they're cucumbers.
Girl: Oh please, they're like the same thing.
Guy #2: No, they're totally different. Not every phallic-shaped green vegetable is the same thing.
Girl (pauses): Why does everything have to be about penises with you?
San Diego, California
Overheard by: i just came here to clean the air ducts
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Fruit | Girls | Guys | Penis | Questions | Posted 2008-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All MacGyver Needs to Solve the Energy Crisis
New Yorker: Yo, gimme $30 on pump #2, a pack of Newports...and this banana.
Pembroke Pines, Florida
Overheard by: Inspectaneck
Categories: Default | Florida | Fruit | Guys | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-11-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Didn't Invite Me
Sweet old lady: Well, when we moved to Gilbert we started up a garden and thought we had volunteer tomato plants.
Sweet middle aged lady: Volunteer?
Sweet old lady: You know, they came up without us planting them. So I started watering them and giving them fertilizer, and they got pretty big. Then one day I was eating dinner and I saw a boy jump over our fence in the back, rip out one of the plants, and take off with it!
Sweet middle aged lady: He stole a tomato plant?
Sweet old lady: Well, there was a sheriff down the street a few days later, so I told him about it. He came over to look at them, and told me they were marijuana plants!
Sweet middle aged lady: They weren't tomatoes?
Sweet old lady: I thought they were, but whoever lived there before us must have planted marijuana in their yard, and when I started watering they sprung up again.
Sweet middle aged lady: That gives me a funny feeling, knowing your house had drug users in it.
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Mia
Whereas We Brazilians Prefer Vast Generalization
Brazilian tourist chick: Everyone here really likes turnips!
Liverpool Street
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Yoshi
They Tend to Get Saucy
Supervisor to trainee: Don't be afraid of the tomatoes.
Safeway
Rockville, Maryland
The Store Really Shouldn't Stock Them in the Produce Department
(kids looking at strawberry flavored condoms)
Kid #1: Strawberries!
Kid #2: No, they're strawberry balloons.
Kid #3 (shocked): No, they're condoms!
All 3 kids: Arrghhh.
Supermarket
Melbourne
Australia
Were We Ever?
Female student #1: You sure you want me to feed you this banana?
Female student #2: Get on with it, will you?
Female student #1: This thing's pretty big. I wouldn't want to choke you.
Female student #2: Don't worry about it. I've had much bigger.
Youngish professor: (raises eyebrows)
Female student #2: You think I'm kidding? I've had some pretty big ones. Think you can give me a bigger one?
Youngish professor (blushing): Um, possibly.
Female student #2: Well, I'd like to see that.
Female student #3: Um, are we still talking about bananas here?
Classroom
UCSC, California
Categories: BJs | California | Class | Euphemisms | Fruit | Girls | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Carmen Miranda Costume Will Be Done in No Time!
Woman on cell: Slowly... over the next week... add a fruit.
Barnes & Noble
St. Louis, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Fruit | Missouri | On the phone | Stores | Time Management | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
More Women With Dirtier Minds Than Men
Girl #1, pointing to bag of peanuts: Are those your nuts?
Girl #2: No, they're Bob's* nuts.
[brief pause, then both girls begin laughing hysterically]
Girl #1, after a few minutes: That was the stupidest thing ever.
Girl #2: You know you liked it.
Oakland, California
Overheard by: I laughed because I didn't know what was going on
Sometimes She Feels Like Wearing It. Sometimes She Doesn't
Big sister: Look sis! This coat says it was made in Macedonia.
Little sister: Isn't that a nut?
Macy's at Roosevelt Field
Long Island, New York
Golden Showers Count As "Animal," Right?
Mid-20s girl: So, I've been a vegetarian for about six years now and I'm trying to phase out all animal products.
Mid-40s woman: Oh, I could never be a vegetarian, I'd die. I like my potatoes too much.
Mid-20s girl: Umm... Potatoes are vegetables.
Mid-40s woman: Yeah, I guess you're right. But I mean like peas and stuff.
Kokomo, Indiana
Overheard by: Justin
And If I Eat That I Get a Rash
Doctor: Are you allergic to anything?
Patient: Yes, nuts!
Doctor: What happens when you ingest nuts?
Patient: They come out whole in my poop!
Waterloo, Iowa
Mango: Nobody Touch Me!
Lady on PA system: United 119 passengers can claim their baggage at carousel D... D as in delicious. Delicious mango. Delicious, delicious mangoes.
Logan International Airport
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: John Y
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Fruit | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2008-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Probably the "Pot" As Well.
Skateboarder in large banana suit: We put the 'ass' in 'potassium'!
Ohio State University
Ohio
And That Was the Extent of My "Birds and Bees" Talk
Mom holding two tomatoes stuck together: Look, tomato twins!
Daughter: Oh my god! I love them!
Mom: They look like balls! [Laughs] Boy balls! [Walks away].
Daughter: Oh my god.
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Here, Have Some Incense and Peppermints
Hippie guy: I suggest you stop picking up small animals and fruit skins. It's not good for you.
Eugene, Oregon
Is That Nice Doctor Helping You at All?
Grandmother: This salad is just wonderful.
20-ish chick: Yes, but it has raisins in it. I don't eat raisins.
Grandmother: What? Why?
20-ish chick: I've always felt bad for them. They once were so full of life, and then the sun sucked their souls out and left... this.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: sistersaywhat
Categories: Chicks | Fruit | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Geez, You Better
Girl to friends: Did he use a condom? No, never mind, you don't use a condom when you're fucking grapefruit.
Montreal
Canadia
Because I Plan to Smile the Whole Fucking Way Home
Husband: Do you want any strawberries?
Wife: No.
Husband: Do you want any pears?
Wife: No.
Husband: Do you want any peaches?
Wife: No [walks away].
Husband, to clerk: I'll take some strawberries, pears, and peaches.
Payson, Arizona
Isn't This a Knock-Knock Joke?
Chick #1, when friend drops her orange: I hope that's bruised now.
Chick #2: Bananas don't bruise!
Chick #1: ... That's an orange!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Bimbettes | Fruit | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Honey, Not the Strawberry -- I'm Still Sore From Last Night
Chick: ... But it's only about the size of a strawberry.
Dude: And all I'm saying is that a strategically placed strawberry can exert a surprising amount of pressure.
Random passerby: Right on!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: snickerpants
Categories: Friends | Fruit | Washington | Posted 2007-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For You, No. But Me?
Chick: So, first of all, I'm allergic to mango skin. So sticking one up my vagina just wouldn't work.
Shout-out: greenoverheard.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Chicks | Fruit | Kink | So College | Vagina | Posted 2007-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
