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You're Too Kind, Madame
Little girl, in Arabic, as she sits in the train: Smells like cotton candy!
Mother, in French: Yeah, you're right, it smells like cotton candy. (to grandmother) Don't you think it smells like cotton candy?
Young black woman, sitting in the next row, smiling: It's me. It's my perfume.
Mother: Really?! What is it?
Young black woman: Vanilla and cotton candy.
Mother: Really? My girl told me it smells like the amusement park. At first I thought it was the cleaning product they used to wash the train floor. (pause) It smells really good.
C Train
Paris
France
Overheard by: BBM Tm
Categories: Black people | Candy | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Family | France | Kids | Moms | Sensory experiences | Strangers | Train | Posted 2010-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Apparently You Can Be Too Casual
Gay guy in fake British accent: Isn't it funny how people who want babies so badly can't have them, and other people who have a casual fuck pop them out like Pez dispensers?
Panera Bread
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Cristina
...And Selling Them on eBay!
Stoner #1: Hey, have you seen Jim* lately?
Stoner #2: No, man, I don't hang out with him no more.
Stoner #3: Why not?
Stoner #2: He kept stealing my Skittles!
Public Library
Eugene, Oregon
Burned My Eyebrows Off More Than Once
Girl #1: It's like those candy cigarettes you used to get at Halloween. It teaches kids bad principles.
Girl #2: Those taste like crap anyway.
Guy: Yeah, and they never catch.
Boone, North Carolina
Categories: Candy | Compare and contrast | Girls | Holidays | Smoking | Posted 2010-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, What?
Tired restaurant patron: Why would Reese's Pieces put out rhesus monkeys? That's just wrong!
Restaurant
Ocala, Florida
Overheard by: Fully aware restaurant patron
Categories: Animals | Bosses | Candy | Florida | Restaurants | Posted 2010-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Slippery Slope
Concerned father, giving advice to someone else's kid: I would strongly advise against eating gum found in the bathroom.
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Amanda Postel
I Hope I Get a Piece with Hair!
Chick #1: Do you want some peanut M&Ms?
Chick #2: No, thanks.
Chick #1: They touched my crotch.
Chick #2: In that case, sure!
High School Bus
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Earlier Today?
Teenage boy: Hey, James, don't you remember when you stuck Smarties down your shirt and rubbed them on your nipples?
On the Bus
Canadia
Overheard by: Kels
Portrait Of the Scat Fetishist As a Young Man
Little boy, gleefully wiping chocolate on his father's white pants: I'm wiping your butt! Haha! I'm wiping your butt!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Ass | Candy | Cleanliness | Dads | Kids | Michigan | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Further Evidence That Some Wood Is Wiser Than Others
Teacher, handing out candy to class: They're really sweet.
Student #1: And they make the roof of your mouth bleed.
Student #2: That's the best part.
High School
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Candy | Gifts | Health & Hygiene | Mouth | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kid Surprises Are Fun, but Illegal
Woman #1, approaching register counter: Ooh! Kinder eggs! I love those things!
Woman #2: What are they?
Woman #1: They're chocolate! With something inside!
Cashier: They're hollow chocolate eggs.
Woman #1: With a surprise inside!
Woman #2: Ew!
Cashier: It's a toy.
Woman #2: Oh. A toy.
Cashier: Whoa, okay, just imagine you were a kid again, and what a surprise meant when you were a kid.
Woman #2: I know... I know. It's just, adult surprises are never fun.
Woman #1, walking out of store: What were you thinking it was going to be? A penis that would squirt all over you?
Woman #2: You never know! Adult surprises are always bad!
San Francisco, California
Also, I'm Having Company Tonight, So You'll Have to Find Another Place to Sleep
Young boy to father: Dad, I really wanted that chocolate cereal, did you buy some for me?
Father: No.
Young boy: Why not?
Father: Listen, I'd also prefer it if you stayed at your mom's all the time. But do we always get what we want? No.
Subway
Vienna
Austria
Some People's Dirty Talk Should Be Confined to the Bedroom
Girl on cell: I have midterms! I don't have time to go to the fat lady with the lollipop! (pause) Buh-bye.
Roosevelt University
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: morgz
Categories: Candy | Education | Girls | Illinois | On the phone | Time Management | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing Reaffirms My Masculinity Better Than Tasting the Rainbow.
Angry male: You don't have a couch! Where are the boyfriends and husbands supposed to think?
Tiny shop assistant #1: I really don't know.
Tiny shop assistant #2: Well, we don't have a couch. But we do have Skittles!
Angry male: That will suffice.
Supre Store
Australia
...Now It's My Turn to Say Something About Cavity Searches
Security: What are you studying?
Girl checking books in X-ray machine: Proper oral technique.
Security: (snickers)
Girl: Dentistry!
Security: Oh.
Airpot
Newcastle
England
Categories: Airports & flights | Candy | Default | Employees | England | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Questions | Posted 2009-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Finish Your Lollipop and Don't Contradict Me Again
Mom: He'll have chocolate ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and gummy bears.
Five-year-old son: But I want the blue ice cream!
Mom: Honey, the blue is cotton candy ice cream. You can't have it...it's pure sugar.
Coldstone Creamery
Carlsbad, California
Overheard by: Amused Employee
Categories: California | Candy | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which I Saw a Magician Do Once, Disturbingly Enough
Guy: It was like trying to pull candy from a baby.
West Island
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Candy | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Pop culture | Posted 2009-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Could Be Like Cooked Meat, For Instance
Goober: I wish the whole world was edible!
Pseudo-metalhead: Dude, then everything would be, like, sticky and gross.
Goober: Well, that's assuming everything would be like candy. It wouldn't have to be sticky and gross.
Professor: I'm gonna jump in here before it gets any weirder.
Bard College
New York
Overheard by: why i put up with philosophy
Ben Franklin Was a Tough Kid to Raise
Little boy at ice cream parlor: Uh...can I have um, little gummy bears?
Impatient dad: Oh, that's great. You invented something the store doesn't have.
Westchester, New York
Overheard by: Griffin
In High School I Got So Depressed, I Dated Girls
Queer #1: You have so many ringtones!
Queer #2: Yeah, when I get depressed I buy ringtones. It's my thing!
Queer #1: When I get depressed I but chocolate and underwear.
Queer #2: Holla!
(they high five)
West Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Big Al
Categories: California | Candy | Cell phones | Clothes | Default | Feelings | Guys | Queers | Posted 2009-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless Our Government Reinstates the Draft
Philosophy professor: I can't say I would rather have M&Ms than strong feet.
SUNY Purchase
Purchase, New York
Overheard by: Seth
Categories: Body parts | Candy | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | New York | Teachers | Posted 2009-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like All Neoconservatives Do
Obnoxious student in scarf: He was chewing the umbilical cord like licorice.
UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Candy | Colleges & Universities | Default | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Crazy Like a Bunny
Older woman, picking up a bag of peppermints: I still have candy corn out from Halloween. Is it okay to have peppermints and candy corn out at the same time?
Younger woman: What do I look like, Miss Manners? You've been to my house...you know there's still Easter candy out in my candy dishes. And until that goes, I'm not putting anything else out.
Older woman: Now I understand why your children are crazy.
Grocery Store
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
Then I'm Getting a Bathing Suit With a Skirt
Five-year-old boy sitting in a shopping cart: Gi-ant vul-va! Gi-ant vul-va!
Mommy: Here's a chocolate truffle.
Whole Foods
Santa Monica, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Candy | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Posted 2009-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Proud of My Addiction
Male student: I like your Skittles.
Female student: Don't look at them!
Eveleth, Minnesota
Overheard by: deathmap
Categories: Candy | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Minnesota | Offers and requests | Students | Posted 2008-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who We Are As Kids Is Who We Are in Life
Friend #1: Do you remember when we were little and I used to show the neighbor's boys my boobs so they'd give me candy? Bet you're glad I stopped doing that!
Friend #2: What are you talking about? The only thing that's changed is your form of payment! You just finished telling everyone not two minutes ago how last week you won $200 on amateur's night when you went to the strip club with the guys!
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Categories: Candy | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Memory lane | Money | Nipples | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See-- Blood! Haha! I Win!
Kid stopping to look at object on the ground: Look, glass!
Father: That's a lolly.
Kid: No, it's glass!
Father: It isn't glass, it's a lolly.
(kid picks up object and puts it in his mouth)
Kid: No, it's glass.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Never found out what it was.
Might Be Time to Block Cinemax, Mom
Little girl to popsicle: And then I'm going to lick you and suck on you until you melt all over me.
Concerned mother: Kelly! I told you not to talk to popsicles!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Only Because They Found the Kiddie Pool Filled with It
Girl to boyfriend: Why'd you go and tell all the guys on the fifth floor that I have some crazy fetish with lubricating foods?
Guy: I didn't say anything!
Girl: Well, they were talking about the Nutella.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Laura G.
Spoken Like a Guy Who's Never Gotten Wake-Up Head
Psych professor: Yeah... Snickers bars... top of the list. Best things you can put in your mouth without asking permission.
Harvard Psychology Lecture
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I prefer Kit-Kats
Categories: Advice | Candy | Colleges & Universities | Default | Massachusetts | Teachers | Posted 2008-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One With a Minimum-Wage Support Staff
Student to college secretary: Have any peppermints?
Receptionist: As in candy?
Student: Yeah. Peppermints.
Receptionist: Um, no?
Student: What kind of a dumb-ass school doesn't have peppermints?!?
University for Women
Mississippi
Overheard by: Megan S.
Categories: Candy | Colleges & Universities | Default | Insults | Mississippi | Questions | Students | Women | Posted 2008-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do It In My Mouth! I've Got Lucky Charms!
Guy: You know what's actually really good? Cocoa Puffs and bacon!
Chick: (blank stare)
Guy: Once I had them both and I ate one bite of Cocoa Puffs and one bite of bacon and they mixed in my mouth and it was good!
Chick: You make me want to vomit.
Harris Teeter
Bristow, Virginia
So "Oreo Cook" Isn't a Racial Slur?
Girl: I'll have the chocolate peanut butter car crunch.
Cashier teenage boy: Ummmm... Yeah, the "car" actually stands for "caramel".
Gelato Spot
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Fake Blonde
I'd Heard the Expression "Nose Candy" and Gotten Confused
Female student, looking at Valentine candy display: Oh, I love those little cinnamon hearts.
Male student: Oh, me too. When I was a kid I used to snort them up my nose.
Guelph
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Candy | Default | Girls | Guys | Kids | Sensory experiences | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Little Candy Chlamydia
Woman with two toddlers, ordering cake: I need a P-E-N-I-S cake...
Manager, walking in, gleefully oblivious: Ohhh, a penis cake! We can put fake hair on it. Last time, we had fake semen shooting out...
Huntington, California
More Organized Than "We," Grammar Slob
Little boy: Mommy, why do they have Halloween candy out already?
Mother: That's for people who are more organized than us.
Rochester, Minnesota
And You're Okay with This Apartheid?
Kid: I want Skittles.
Mom: We have M&Ms at home. We don't need any more candy.
Kid, after long pause: The Skittles telled me they're lonesome. They want to go home and see their friends, the M&Ms.
Mom: Nice try, but no... Skittles and M&Ms don't frequent the same social circles, anyway.
Kroger
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: He-Man Skittle-Haters Club
You're Not Sure What to Bite Off First
Chick to friend: I really thought the chocolate Jesus with the giant dick would sell!
Missouri State University
Springfield, Missouri
Overheard by: Carri Jo
Note to Self: Buy Candy Corn
Sweet-toothed student: If you put an infinite amount of candy corn in front of me, I will eat until I die. Do you understand that?
Shout-out: overheardatstanford.blogspot.com
Categories: Candy | Overheard at Stanford | Students | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
