Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Food All Categories > Topics > Food
Recent | Best Of
Subcategories: Candy | Fruit |
How Many National Secrets Are Spilled
Little girl to mom: This ice cream is screwing with my mind.
McDonald's
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: heather
Categories: Default | Fears | Food | Girls | Headaches | Kids | Kids | Mental illnesses | Ohio | Restaurants | Posted 2008-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the Greatest Thing Since... You Know
Girlfriend: I think my butt has gotten bigger.
Boyfriend: If that's true, hallelujah. I love big booties.
Girlfriend: David*, this is serious! I think I have been doing so many squats that my butt has lifted and risen... like bread.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: MoMo
Oh Yeah, You'd Like Me to Pour You on My Meat
Guy to friend: My hot sauce packet is talking dirty to me.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Josh
From What Your Dad Tells Me
Overenthusiastic principal: So, where'd ya guys go for lunch? Huh?
Jaded student (indicating Subway cup): I ate fresh.
Principal: Did you go the 6 inch route? Or the 12 inch?
Student: I, uhhh... 6.
Principal, grinning: Don't worry, Shane* -I think you're man enough to take a 12-inch.
Livingston, Montana
Well, I Got a Lap Dance in the Buffet Line
Girl one: Smell my face. Smell right here. Doesn't it smell great? The stripper I got a lap dance from was wearing great perfume.
Girl two: It smells like pickles.
Toby Keith's Restaurant
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: At least it doesn't smell like tuna
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dancing | Default | Food | Girls | Nevada | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dating MacGyver Scars You for Life
Chick to friend: Oh, yeah, this doesn't look suspicious. A taco wrapped in a Dollar Tree bag, a baby, and a grill lighter.
16th Street Mall
Denver, Colorado
Right Up There with the Taoist Classic "C Is For Cookie-- Is Good Enough for Me"
Female voice over speakerphone: Maybe you shouldn't listen to me. I just reached into my glass of milk to retrieve a cookie that I accidentally dropped to the bottom during dunking. Now I am covered in milk. I've got milk hands!
Fraternity guy: I thought you were trying to make your own metaphor, like "I don't see the glass as half empty or half full, I see my hand in it retrieving cookies."
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Wants No Part Of This
Categories: Advice | Default | Food | Frat boy types | Health & Hygiene | Rhode Island | Women | Words | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Technique's Right Out Of The Shaolin Cookbook
Girl on bus: So, I'm like: "Bitch, you can't question my big fork usage!"
99 Bus
Vancouver
Canadia
She'll Be All, "Help Me, Dr. Phil"!
Guy #1: I love getting Lisa* Taco Bell.
Guy #2: Why's that?
Guy #1: It's gonna get her fat! I'm going to get extra sour cream and she's going to be all like: "Damn, this is delicious!" Meanwhile, she'll be getting fat.
Kangaroo
Gainesville, Florida
Categories: Default | Diet & weight | Florida | Food | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Still Upset About My Sandals With Black Socks?
Dad: That's an awfully big brownie. You know it's so big it's a Girl Scout.
Daughter: Silence.
Dad: Hey, this is funny stuff from your dad.
(daughter stares at him in silence)
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: Tim
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Kids | New York | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Eating the Foil Containers, You Tard
Roommate: I don't eat leftovers. They make my throat hurt.
Brandon
Manitoba
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Default | Food | Sensory experiences | Students | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He Usually Takes Duct Tape As Well
Girl: Hey, does anyone know if Stu* is still alive?
Guy: What? Why?
Girl, laughing: Because he went out into the woods last night with nothing but a lighter and a can of tomato soup.
Egremont, Massachusetts
Overheard by: lily
Categories: Death & dying | Fears | Food | Friends | Girls | Guys | Massachusetts | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just When You Thought Canadians and Americans Had Nothing in Common
Guy #1: What are you gonna do for your spare?
Guy #2: I don't know, probably get a sandwich and beat off in the library.
High School
British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Nick
Categories: Canadia | Default | Education | Food | Friends | Guys | Masturbation | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Anybody Have Any Bread?
(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it's April 1st) Haha... His consumption smells like raspberries.
Colorado University, Boulder
Overheard by: In the back of the classroom
Categories: Class | Colorado | Default | Food | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Maladies | Offers and requests | Questions | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That How the Peter Rabbit Story Is Supposed to End?
Surprised biker: And once he was released from custody, he never ate rice again.
Outside Burger Joint
Glendale, California
Overheard by: Brady
Categories: California | Crimes | Default | Food | Restaurants | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Do You Think Pizza Bagels Are Conceived?
Little girl: My pizza is naked!
Fresh Grocer
Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania
Spin-Offs of The Neverending Story Were Never As Exciting As the Original
Little kid: I have a powerful thing coming to me. Ya know what it is? Pizza!
University of Virginia
Charlottesville, Virginia
Joey Tribbiani As a Kid
Feminist speaker: What does feminism mean to you?
Dude: Lack of delicious sandwich?
Catholic High School classroom
Aurora, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Default | Euphemisms | Food | Guys | Philosophy | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Words | Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some of Which Also Wound Up on Her Thigh
Frat boy #1: ... And it just came out on her thigh. He didn't even get it in. Just wound up on her thigh.
Frat boy #2, mumbling: Dude! I hate when that happens.
Frat boy #1: What?!
Frat boy #2: I said I ate some chicken.
University of Alabama, Alabama
Overheard by: CB
Categories: Alabama | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Cum | Feelings | Food | Frat boy types | Posted 2008-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"You're the Meanest Babysitter Ever!" She Screamed
Suit on cell: Yeah, well, we got into a fight about whether she would rather have a regenerating salami foot, or a regenerating cheese hand. She chose cheese hand, but I explained about the salami foot being protected by socks, while the cheese hand is exposed to everything. The conversation just went downhill from there...
Bellevue, Washington
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Food | Hands | On the phone | Relationships | Sensory experiences | Suits | Washington | Posted 2008-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Would You Mind Taking a Picture Of Us With It?
[A young woman in a wetsuit and a young man in normal clothing are standing near the packaged meats.]
Female employee: Can I help you with anything?
Young woman: Oh, no thanks, we're just admiring the bacon.
Female employee: Oh. Okay! Have a nice day!
Vons
Ventura, California
Categories: California | Customers | Default | Employees | Food | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Shopping | Stores | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least You Have Your Priorities Straight
Ten-year-old boy: You know what I would have if I could have four wishes?
Big sister: I don't know. What?
Ten-year-old boy: One: no drought in Georgia; Two: no global warming; Three: world peace; Four: a Komodo dragon that is really nice and fun to play with, is a vegetarian, lives forever and can grant eternal life.
Druid Hills, Atlanta
Overheard by: Miranda
Graduation Is Such a Sausagefest
Guy to friend, matter-of-factly: You know he's just teaching there for the kielbasa.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Food | Friends | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Minnesota | Offers and requests | Penis | Words | Posted 2008-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Eat It Before Those Orgies with the Football Team
College girl #1: Eating raw fish makes you super fertile.
College girl #2: Really?
College girl #1: Yeah, thats why I get pregnant so much.
Japanese Restaurant
Richmond, Virginia
Categories: Animals | Food | Friends | Pregnancy | Restaurants | Science | Sorority types | Posted 2008-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially If, Instead of the G-Spot, There Was a Little Plastic Prize
Guy: But I hate wearing condoms! I can't feel anything. I might as well put my dick in a cereal box.
Girl: I think my vagina is a bit different from a cereal box.
Dude, excitedly: If your vagina had cereal in it, I'd eat you out all the time!
Davidson, North Carolina
Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Couples | Food | Foreplay | Girls | Gripes | Guys | North Carolina | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
....If There Any Left
College kid: Excuse me, what is the difference between these potato pancakes and a potato latka?
Grocery stocker: Um, I don't know what a latka is, so I couldn't tell you.
College kid: A Jewish potato pancake.
Grocery stocker: Well, those potato pancakes are German.
College kid: I wonder if a German Jew would eat them.
Sendik's Grocery Store
Grafton, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Arthur
...For Not Telling My Servants to Buy More
Student girl: Aw man, I've no food in the house. It's like I've been robbed, but it's my fault!
Sainsbury's
Lancaster
England
I Mean I Have a Case of the Cups
American guy: Hmm, what should we have for desert?
French girl: I've been craving crab cakes. With frosting.
American guy: Uhh, you mean cupcakes?!
3rd St West Hollywood
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Food | Foreigners | Girls | Guys | Language barrier | Questions | Words | Posted 2008-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're More Of a Honky Hut Family
Black student to white teacher: So we're going to Sarasota to visit a college up there. Do you know the easiest way to get there?
White teacher: Sure! You can take I-75 straight up, and if you want to stop for something to eat, there's Cracker Barrel all over the place.
Black student: Cracker Barrel? Umm, no, I don't think so...
Design and Architecture High School
Miami, Florida
Categories: Advice | Black people | Fears | Florida | Food | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | US Geography | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oscar Meyer Was Never a Straight A Student
Instructor to student, during class debate: You look like you're deep in thought there. Anything you want to share with us?
Student: Dude, I was just thinking about hot dogs.
College class
Farmington, Connecticut
Overheard by: Student
Try the Cap'n Cramps
Woman in cereal aisle: Where's the one that makes you poop?
Fry's
Tucson, Arizona
We'd Be Wide Awake, but Our Cards Would Be Stained
Guy playing magic card game with a bunch of friends: All I'm saying is that somewhere, in an alternate universe, there is a table producing coffee!
Clark College
Vancouver, Washington
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Food | Philosophy | Technology | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Professor Accused Me of Spreading It on Too Thick
Male art student: I'm in a creative writing class and I've been writing a lot of stories about mayonnaise.
Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Education | Food | Guys | Pennsylvania | Students | Posted 2008-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good to Know Fast Food Joints Are Just As Classy Outside the U.S.
Crazy hobo in McDonald's line: Does the McDuplo come with fries?
Mcworker: Only if you get the combo. Would you like the combo?
Crazy hobo in McDonald's line: Son of a bitch! This is McDonald's. I want fries with my fucking sandwich. [he throws up on the floor, then walks away muttering.]
Mcworker to other mcworker: I wish I was dead.
McDonald's
Belo Horizonte
Brazil
Categories: Brazil | Coworkers | Crazies | Customers | Death & dying | Etiquette | Food | Hobos | McDonald's | Offers and requests | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: I'm Still a Little Stoned
Girl, frantically looking through fridge: Shit, I'm gonna be late for work... What the hell? Why is your rice in my freezer?
Boyfriend: Because then it will be happy and prosperous.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Nic
Luckily So Many Other Things Taste Like Them
College girl: Just think about all the chickens that get killed every day, like just by McDonald's.
Friend: Yeah, but you know... I don't really care.
College girl: Oh no, I don't care about them either, I'm just scared they're gonna run out of chickens.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Curlee
Categories: Animals | Fears | Feelings | Food | Friends | Massachusetts | Sorority types | Posted 2008-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Keeps a Cyanide One in Her Desk for Emergencies
Student: What are you eating?
Teacher: My bracelet... it's made of anti-depressants.
Tucson, Arizona
There's a Lesson in That
Guy: Egg salad is a dish best served cold.
Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com