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How Many National Secrets Are Spilled
Little girl to mom: This ice cream is screwing with my mind.
McDonald's
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: heather
Categories: Default | Fears | Food | Girls | Headaches | Kids | Kids | Mental illnesses | Ohio | Restaurants | Posted 2008-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Do You Think the Midget with the Butterfly Net Is For?
Loud, obnoxious, pregnant girl in a skirt: I'm not wearing any underwear.
Friend, sarcastically: Aren't you afraid your baby's going to fall out or something?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: what not to expect when you're expecting
If It Could Happen to Lance Armstrong, It Could Happen to Anybody!
Girl #1: I'm all freaked out now! I bet you she's pregnant! My sister's pregnant!
Girl #2: I'm sure she's not pregnant, you're assuming the worst.
Girl #1: Oh my god! What if she has testicle cancer?!
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: monkey
And Kept Me Awake by Leading "Expeditions" Into My Sock Drawer
Girl #1: I found that doll the other day.
Girl #2: What doll?
Girl #1: The Steve Irwin doll, you know, the one that used to look at me creepy while I was sleeping.
Girl #2: Ohhhh, that doll!
Bleeker's Bowling Alley
Chicago, Illinois
Now I'm Working on a Novel About Them
Suit on the Taipei subway: After I went home that day, I kept thinking about hemorrhoids.
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan
It's the Greatest Thing Since... You Know
Girlfriend: I think my butt has gotten bigger.
Boyfriend: If that's true, hallelujah. I love big booties.
Girlfriend: David*, this is serious! I think I have been doing so many squats that my butt has lifted and risen... like bread.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: MoMo
Oh Yeah, You'd Like Me to Pour You on My Meat
Guy to friend: My hot sauce packet is talking dirty to me.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Josh
And I'm Running Dangerously Low on Reese's Pieces
Seemingly not-crazy lady on elevator: Have you seen any aliens today?
Man: Not yet, but it's still pretty early.
Seemingly not-crazy lady: I hope I don't see any; I don't have any spit.
Fox Plaza
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Uses spit for lube
Dating MacGyver Scars You for Life
Chick to friend: Oh, yeah, this doesn't look suspicious. A taco wrapped in a Dollar Tree bag, a baby, and a grill lighter.
16th Street Mall
Denver, Colorado
And This Time Don't Roll on Me Just Because They Offer You Cookies and Juice
Little boy: You used to have a pocket knife, mommy!
Mother, laughing nervously: No, I didn't!
Little boy: Yes you did! You used to!
Nervous mother: No, I never did! I never had a pocket knife! Please don't tell the police that!
YMCA
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Muffin
And He Usually Takes Duct Tape As Well
Girl: Hey, does anyone know if Stu* is still alive?
Guy: What? Why?
Girl, laughing: Because he went out into the woods last night with nothing but a lighter and a can of tomato soup.
Egremont, Massachusetts
Overheard by: lily
Categories: Death & dying | Fears | Food | Friends | Girls | Guys | Massachusetts | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wasn't I Right About 2000-- and 2001?
Goth chick: Don't talk to me about the year 2012. The year 2012 is seriously pissing me off.
Otaku chick: Try to stick around for 2013 anyway. Just trust me on this one.
University Plaza
Colorado State
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Fears | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Goths | Offers and requests | Threats | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Question Every Rock Of Love Contestant Must Eventually Face
College-aged girl on cell: How am I supposed to date him if I'm afraid he's going to kill me and keep my vagina in a jar?
Grocery Store, Kentucky
And Letting My Baby Steer
College girl to friend: He's a really scary driver. He'll go fifty on gravel roads. I mean, I go fifty on gravel roads, but only if I'm really, really drunk.
El Rancho
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: RW
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Fears | Girls | Missouri | Sorority types | Posted 2008-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Kathy Griffin
Boy: So, if you're afraid of the leprechaun from that one movie, does that mean you're afraid of the lucky charm leprechaun too?
Girl: No, no, no. I'm only afraid of the *real* ones.
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Overheard by: Amused
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Fears | Girls | Guys | Movies | North Carolina | Questions | Posted 2008-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Have Plenty of Time for That When You're in Your 20's and Getting Out of Limos
Mother to daughter hopping up and down on escalator: Now Beth*, if you keep doing that your pants are going to get caught in the conveyor belt and they'll be ripped off and all of South Station is going to see your little mermaid underwear. [Girl immediately stops.]
South Station
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Meg
Categories: Clothes | Default | Fears | Girls | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Public transportation | Threats | Posted 2008-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Was It a Big Bang?
Guy, crying: Ahhh! I just had sex with Stephen Hawking right up here, in my head!
Starbucks
Biloxi, Mississippi
Categories: About celebrities | Creepsters | Default | Fears | Feelings | Guys | Mississippi | Restaurants | Science | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Childbirth Is All a Hoax
20-something hipster girl to another: So, anyway, no one is pregnant.
Sorella's Diner
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Julianna
Categories: Default | Fears | Friends | Girls | Hipsters | Massachusetts | Pregnancy | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Turns Out Hell Is Nicer Than Michigan
Bimbette on cell: I thought I'd died, and then gone to, like, not heaven.
University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Fears | Michigan | On the phone | Religion | Posted 2008-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said During Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Random kid: Oh god! This is going to turn into a pregnancy fetish porno.
While seeing Juno
Peabody, Massachusetts
We're More Of a Honky Hut Family
Black student to white teacher: So we're going to Sarasota to visit a college up there. Do you know the easiest way to get there?
White teacher: Sure! You can take I-75 straight up, and if you want to stop for something to eat, there's Cracker Barrel all over the place.
Black student: Cracker Barrel? Umm, no, I don't think so...
Design and Architecture High School
Miami, Florida
Categories: Advice | Black people | Fears | Florida | Food | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | US Geography | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which, for Some Reason, Makes Me All Tingly Inside
Woman #1: That's a wonderful coat.
Woman #2: I hope it stays cold long enough for me to enjoy it.
Woman #1: You know, you're really brave. I have a fur at home but I can't stop thinking about those crazy PETA people chasing me down with a van and hurting me.
Sidewalk in front of Grocery Store
Maryland
Not the Demographic to Fear in Colorado
Girl #1: Why does Denzel Washington with a gun freak me out?
Girl #2: Because he's black.
Movie Theater
Colorado
Well Obviously
Film professor: Apparently in the 1970s the devil came to earth with the intention of occupying small women.
Corvallis, Oregon
Overheard by: David
Said She's Too Old to Start Wearing Pleather Again
Old lady to another: Mary started crying because she thought they were taking her back to New Jersey.
Pizza Shop
Lima, Pennsylvania
Categories: Fears | Feelings | Friends | Gripes | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Restaurants | US Geography | Women | Posted 2008-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Luckily So Many Other Things Taste Like Them
College girl: Just think about all the chickens that get killed every day, like just by McDonald's.
Friend: Yeah, but you know... I don't really care.
College girl: Oh no, I don't care about them either, I'm just scared they're gonna run out of chickens.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Curlee
Categories: Animals | Fears | Feelings | Food | Friends | Massachusetts | Sorority types | Posted 2008-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Stoners Write for Fortune Cookie Companies
Serious girl: You have to clean your bathroom or else there'll be hungry ghosts lurking behind your toilet.
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Fears | Girls | Massachusetts | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Particularly the One with the Retractable Razor Blades
Guy on cell: And all I could say was: "Thank God... I have my surfboard with me!"
Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Fears | Feelings | Guys | Massachusetts | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Succubi Are Surprisingly Good Mothers, Considering
Small boy: [Runs up to his mother and hugs her around the waist.] Don't take my soul!
Macy's
Salem, New Hampshire
Categories: Fears | Guys | Kids | Kids | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Stores | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That Why You Keep Flinging Rocks at My Forehead?
Little boy: I don't have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do sweetie...
Little boy: No! I don't have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do...
Little boy: No, you're a giant!
Grocery Store
Colorado
Overheard by: Not a Giant or a Grandma
Categories: Colorado | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Family | Family ties | Fears | Guys | Kids | Kids | Old folks | Sensory experiences | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'd Lose the Best Piano Teacher I've Ever Had
Guy #1: I woke up in her bed without any pants.
Guy #2: What happened?
Guy #1: I think we had sex.
Guy #2: You don't know?
Guy #1: I cant exactly remember. Luckily neither can she. She'd kill me if she knew.
Train
Sydney, Australia
Psh, I'd Be Asking for High Fives
Guy #1: John* really needs to get laid. He hasn't hooked up for months.
Guy #2: Dude, didn't you hear what happened to him?
Guy #1: No.
Guy #2: The last girl he brought home shat in his bed. He's been kind of gun-shy since then.
Charlottesville, Virginia
The Foil Helmet Just Seals in the Knowledge
Student: I have this irrational fear of being clunked over the head and shipped to a country whose alphabet I don't know, so I'm trying to learn all these alphabets... I must be paranoid, I don't know.
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: l_tau
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Fears | Geography | Maryland | Mental illnesses | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Told Me to Say That, but Never Trained Me
Grocery store clerk: Did you find everything you were looking for today?
Customer: Yep.
Clerk: Oh good. The last woman said she didn't, and I had no idea what to say. So I just looked at her and kind of shrugged my shoulders. She got so mad.
Customer: Then why do you ask?
Clerk: To be polite.
HyVee
Fort Dodge, Iowa
Do We Have to Drag Bernie Everywhere We Go?
Little boy: But I don't care about the dead guys anymore!
Washington Monument
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Fears | Feelings | Guys | Kids | Kids | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Anybody Seen Baryshnikov Lately?
Confused girl: Someone with an unknown number just called me twice. I, of course, ignored the calls. Then they left a voicemail of music from The Nutcracker...I have the feeling I'm about to be murdered.
Lexington, Kentucky
Slylock Fox's Puzzle: How Many Things Are Wrong with This Conversation?
Thug sitting in traffic yelling into cell: I moved you and the goddamn kids out here! I robbed muthafuckas for you! I'm facing five to ten goddamn years for you, and I can't even get a goddamn thank you?! Bitch, you drunk?!
Highway
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: scaredspectator
I Thought the Figure on the Door Was Sporting a Jaunty Kilt
Man in stall on the left: Bill, I think we're in the wrong bathroom.
Man in stall on the right: Yeah, I think I just figured that out.
Women's restroom at United Center
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: the girl in the stall between them