Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

That Must Be It!

Guy #1: These glasses hurt my eyes.
Guy #2: But there aren't even any lenses in them!

St. Peter's College
New Jersey

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...And You're Wearing It Now!

College girl #1: I have never taken my shirt off!
College girl #2: Wait, didn't you wear a see-through one before?
College girl #1: That was you, you whore!

UC Santa Cruz
California

Overheard by: Eric

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Like I Did That Time You Asked Me Out

Emo kid: Old people see me on the street with my bright pink hair and my studded collar and my eyeliner, and they hate me!
Girl: If I was old and I saw you, I would just laugh.

Amherst, Massachusetts

Overheard by: shay

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The "Trick Question" on the C.I.A. Exam

Guy: I'm thinking of doing heroin, but just once. Do you think that's cool?

Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Tim

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That Would Make Your Ears Ring, Sir

Lecturer, about over-sized earrings left behind in class: Yes, you put one around the left testicle...

Christchurch
New Zealand

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If Aesop Wrote Fables in Chicago

Woman: I wish I hadn't had hooters for breakfast!

Fitting Room
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

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Does That Explain Your Face-Condom?

College girl #1: Makeup is like a sock for your face: it covers it, but doesn't really protect it.
College girl #2: Wow... That's deep.

New Mexico

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As Are Balls.

13-year-old boy in black "Rock On" shirt: I want a pink ball. Pink is manly.

Stephens City, Virginia

Overheard by: Tybois

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From the Brokeback Mountain Outtakes

Guy: Stop accessorizing the tent! You're such a girl!

Old Cedar Campgrounds
Monroeville, New Jersey

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When Stabbing a Stranger Is Okay: An Overheard Everywhere Short Story

Indecisive young woman to stranger: It's just so hard to chose which wallet I want!
Stranger: Er, yeah. I'm shopping for a gift for a friend.
Indecisive young woman, holding up two wallets: What do you think, the red or the black?
Stranger: Ummmmm... The black.
Indecisive young woman: Hmmmm. It's just that red is so classy, you know?
Stranger: Then take the red one.
Indecisive young woman: But red doesn't go with everything... Black goes with everything.
Stranger: Then take the black one.
Indecisive young woman: I don't know. I don't like the way it looks inside. I liked that brown one over there (points) but it's a color that would just get dirty so quickly, you know?
Stranger: Mmmm-hmmm.
indecisive young woman, holding up two other wallets: What do you think, what suits me best?
Stranger: Um, they're both nice. It's hard to say which is best.
Indecisive young woman: Oh, I know... Choosing a wallet is such a personal thing, you know?

Mall
Australia

Overheard by: which is why you ask a complete stranger for their opinion

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Now If Only I Could Marry Louis Vuitton

Really skinny sorority girl: I paid my rent and then I spent the rest, $700, on this new Louis Vuitton (squeals and hugs the purse). But now I have 30 bucks to last a whole month. Looks like I'll be dating for dinner or eating crackers.
Sorority friend: You spent twice as much on your bag as you did your rent! At least you paid your rent on time! Don't worry, you'll find dates. That purse is totally worth it!
Really skinny sorority girl: I know, right, I should just live in my purse. I think that is why married women get fat: they can finally afford to eat. You know my ass is getting fat when I get married.

IHOP
Dallas, Texas

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Although There's Nothing Worse Than a Goat with the Munchies.

Hipster girl #1: Those are nice (points at earrings), where did you get them?
Hipster girl #2: Oh, I stole these. I only steal earrings, for some reason. So did your parents ever get those goats for their farm?
Hipster girl #1: Not yet, but my mom said they're going to start growing pot.
Hipster girl #2: That's cool.

Cafe
Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: Vincent Ignatius

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They're Like the IPhones Of People!

Tall black girl with fauxhawk: I don't know why everyone doesn't have an Asian fetish! They're pocket sized and stunning!

New Haven, Connecticut

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...And Clear High Heels

College girl #1: I washed this shirt and it got, like, bigger!
College girl #2: Well, at least you can wear it with tights now.
College girl #1: I know, but I don't want to look like a slut.
College girl #2: I feel like I look less slutty when I wear my sunglasses.

Boulder, Colorado

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I Mean Unprepared to Fight Me

50-something grubby, scruffy-looking woman: Why are you dressed like that?
40-something very nicely dressed woman: What, you mean well?

KMart Parking Lot
Delaware County, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Jayvee

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Why the Gays Should Run the World

Delightfully gay and snarky flight attendant: Now, ladies, I am impressed with your Louis Vuitton and your coach. I adore your Prada and your Gucci. They are beautiful. But I will be more impressed with all of your bags if you stow them under the seat while we are landing. Now sit back and shut up.
(five minutes later, while plane is taxiing)
Delightfully gay and snarky flight attendant: We are finally here. So please, exit the plane a lot quicker than you boarded it. (plane stops, parks at gate) Get out.

Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois

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I Was Hoping to Avoid the Disney Store

Queer: I told you they wouldn't have nipple stars!
Girl: Why the hell would they not have nipple stars? It's a hot topic, they should have nipple stars!

Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Shopper

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With Just a Little More Downtown

20-something trendy gangster: I'm just there for looks, you know? (pause) I'm like the sculpture of David, chiseled and beautiful.

University of Arizona

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That Was the Good News. The Bad News Was, I'd Swallowed It.

Girl to friend: And then, all of a sudden, everything became totally clear. It was like the clouds parted and I just knew. I knew where my purse was.

Columbia, Missouri

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Today's Young Woman Is Proud to Display Everything She's Got

Library worker girl: That's a cute bag.
Library worker girl with clear purse: Thanks!
Boss man: But then everyone can see everything you have!
Library worker girl with clear purse: It's not like I got a gun or anything... I can always hide things between the books...
Library worker girl: Like your gun?

Kent State University Library
Kent, Ohio

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Sometimes the Tooth Fairy Makes Extra Special Visits

Boy standing in line for smoothie: That better not be sparkle lips gloss.
Girl standing with him, applying lip gloss: It is, but it has like too many sparkles.
Boy: That's even worse! (pause) My one friend woke up with a ring of sparkles around his... well, you know...

University Fair
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: ashley

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The Cum-stained Pants Were Also a Tip-Off

Professor to another: I saw you walk in with your purse, messenger bag, and backpack. You've been having sex again?

USC School of Social Work
California

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Where Was It Again?

Woman in next dressing room: Oh my god, I always forget about my tattoo!

The Gap
Ridgewood, New Jersey

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Nobody Ever Asked Elvis That

14-year-old boy #1: Dude, try my sunnies on! They're super dark!
(boy #1 hands glasses over to boy #2)
14-year-old boy #2: Cool, they are pretty dark!
14-year-old boy #3: Hey, cool! They totally go with your hair!
14-year-old boy #2: Are you queer?

Perth
Western Australia
Australia

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Has No One Done the Reading?

Professor: Who creates design?
Student: Women?
Professor: Men! Men! Gay men!

SUNY
Purchase, New York

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

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Yeah the Zodiac Governs Best That Governs Least

Guy: That's a cool necklace. What is it?
Girl: Oh, it's Lady Liberty. I'm a libertarian.
Guy: Oh cool. I'm a Virgo.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by: student

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To Ruin Someone's Political Career?

15-year-old boy, covered in makeup: Why would you take photos if they aren't for MySpace?

Shout-out: community.livejournal.com

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Presenting, the Deepest Person at Banana Republic.

Aspiring fashionista: What if I die today and regret that I never dressed up all the time? But if I worked at Banana Republic, I'd be forced to dress up.

BART Train
Berkeley, California

Overheard by: Kaitlen

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An Excerpt from How I Knew I Was Gay

Tween: Glitter isn't a color, it's an emotion.

Perth
Australia

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Paul Begins His Search for a Gardener.

Girl, surprised: A naked man??
Guy, after introspective pause: No...I prefer them in tights.

St. Paul, Minnesota

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You'd Best Not Be Bringing That Bag to Our Next Orgy!

Sorority girl #1: That whore stole my coach bag!
Sorority girl #2: Did you call her out on it?
Sorority girl #1: Well, no, it wasn't actually mine yet, but I told her that I was going to get that one like a week ago, and now she's carrying it. (walks past coach girl, who has iPod headphones in one ear, phone up to other ear) Whore!

Central Michigan University

Overheard by: Central Girl

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If I'm Going to Rent Them Out, I Get to Make the Rules.

Girl in humanities course: I don't trust Chinese people with my eyebrows.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Amused college student

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Aren't You Wendy from Season One?

Barista #1: Yeah, Joey does a great Tim Gunn impression. You should ask him to do it for you.
Barista #2: I will. So you really like Project Runway?
Barista #1: Oh my god, yes! Like, I should totally be on that show.
Barista #2: Yeah? Do you do fashion design?
Barista #1: Well, no. But I dress myself really well. And I have really good ideas. But I can't really sew or anything.

Starbucks
Fairborn, Ohio

Overheard by: Barista #3

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Along With Everything I Learned in Grade School

Drunken girl #1: Ah, that tubby boy kissed me.
Drunken girl #2: Doesn't matter, just remember the rule.
Drunken girl #1: "We don't share"?
Drunken girl #2: No, the other rule.
Drunken girl #1: "Your dress can be as short as you like, as long as you're wearing stockings"?
Drunken girl #2: No. The "if you don't remember it, it didn't happen" rule.
Drunken girl #1: Oh, I'm forgetting it now, then.

Sydney
Australia

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...Aunt Brian Shops Here Before All Her Shows

Mother, digging through prom dresses on rack, to nine-year-old daughter: There's so much glitter here! Did you know that so many drag queens shop at Ross that they call it "cross dress for less"?
Nine-year-old, bored: I know...

Ross Dress for Less
El Cerrito, California

Overheard by: innocent bystander

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Hey, Some Shoes Aren't Virtuous-- Crocs? Wingtips?

Young gay man: Whereas, lacking the virtue of shoes, men must content themselves with being jerks.
Female friend: A poor consolation, and unfashionable.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Bethany

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So I Poured a Cosmo Down His Pants.

Excited lady, telling story to group of people: And then he turned the tap on right into my purse!

Seattle, Washington

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We Don't Get Enough Fiber in Our Diets, Anyway

Hipster guy: Hey guys, this shirt's 100% organic. This shirt's made outta food! (quiet pause)
Hipster guy's friend: That is like, amazing.

Clothing Boutique
British Columbia
Canadia

Overheard by: Lauren.

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...And Scuttling Away, Like a Hermit Crab.

Female shopper, surveying bathing suits: The crotch in this looks a little, uh...narrow. Tiny, actually. I feel like it doesn't provide full coverage.
Sales girl: I know. It's sort of the style now, though.
Female shopper: What do you mean, "style"? My labia showing?
Other shopper, walking up: Yeah, I agree. I don't want my vagina suddenly falling out at the beach.

American Apparel, Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Celessa

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Is That What You Call Your Vagina?

Cashier to woman buying lots of sex toys and lingerie two days after Valentine's Day: Sweetie, you're a little late for Valentine's Day.
Woman: No matter. It's always a good time to freshen up the prop closet.

Touch of Romance
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: awesome

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And Lip Rings Are Less Work Than Babies

Customer to cashier with lip rings: Okay, two questions. One, did that hurt?
Cashier: Um, not as much as I thought it would.
Customer: Second question, why did you do that?!
Cashier, speechless: Uhm...honestly...
Friend of customer: Ah, hell man, because she likes it. Shit!

Music Store
Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: I've got metal in my face too...

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Like All Strippers

Teen #1: And we can decorate it!
Teen #2: With glitter and sparkles?
Teen #1: Gawd, you are like a deprived five-year-old.

Fullerton, California

Overheard by: Does glitter make you younger?

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Dad Won't Let Me

Girl #1: Oh, hey! I'm wearing a purple bra today!
Girl #2: Why is that a surprise? Don't you dress yourself?

Fitting Rooms
Morwell Shopping Centre
Australia

Overheard by: Ann

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Of Mufflers and Men?

Guy #1: Check out that girl's ensemble. Interesting.
Gut #2: I bet she read a book about how to wear her scarf.

Antonio's Pizza
Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Chris

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King Henry V Was Disinclined to Explain

Barber, as 23-year-old boy with bad haircut sits down into his chair: So what's with this bowl cut thing you got going on?

The Barber Shop
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Will

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Just Like the Queen Of England Has.

20-something #1: Let's get into publishing.
20-something #2: Only if it's porn.
20-something #1: Well, of course.
20-something #2: For women. Graphic pornography for women.
20-something #1: I think they already have that.
20-something #2: Giant diamond encrusted wangs, artfully displayed on wedgewood.

Denver, Colorado

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The Only Surefire Way to Protect Your Money Nowadays

Teen: And when I woke up, everything in my purse was covered by a condom.

Auckland
New Zealand

Overheard by: At least it was protected

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Why Few Gymnastics Coaches Can Sustain a Marriage

Man to wife in purse section: That doesn't look like a travel bag! Stay focused!

Nordstrom
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Kim

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Because It's Tuesday

Woman in red tutu: I am in pain. And hungover. And starting to drink again. In a red tutu, of course.

Vallejo Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Poogins

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We Should Put the Top Up in the Boxster, Though

(it is raining extremely hard outside)
Gay guy #1: So wet. Whatever, I guess we can make this look work.
Gay guy #2: We totally can.

Outside Macy's
Burlington, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Emma W.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Have Them Washed and Brought to My Tent

Girl, joking: I love when girls are walking around drunk with eye makeup smeared around their faces.
Guy: Yeah, those are the ones I try to take home.
Girl: What?
Guy: Do you really think I go around looking for girls with good personalities?

Iowa City, Iowa

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Plus, It Totally Clashed with My Pumps

Frat boy to another: It was the ugliest lipstick I've ever seen!

Cornell University
Ithaca, New York

Overheard by: Anna

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Puberty Should Be Fun

Precocious five-year-old girl: Lipstick! Lipstick! I want lipstick!
Harried mother: Okay, fine, you can pick out one lip gloss. But your father will get really mad if he finds out, because he says...
Precocious five-year-old girl: I know, he says, "we shouldn't waste money, blah blah blah..."

Target Cosmetics Section
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Becca

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And Was Forced to Read the Congressional Record

Girl: Do you know what a pearl necklace is?
Woman: I didn't learn about any of that shit until I worked on the Senate floor.

Kokomo's
Linglestown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: M.J.M.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Which Was "No Upper-Body Strength"

Female student #1: Eeew, she has a rolling backpack, you know what that means...
Female student #2: Whore?
Female student #1: Absolutely not what I was going to say.

San Francisco, California

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Couldn't You Just Ask for the Air-speed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow?

Bouncer: I don't know... Do you have another piece of ID on you?
Blonde: No, but go ahead, ask me anything!
Bouncer: Why don't your shoes match your skirt?

London, Ontario
Canadia

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And You're Hoochie-Skipper.

20-something in pink heels, on a Saturday afternoon: God, I'm like frickin walk of shame Barbie right now.

eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

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I'm... Black?

Traffic cop: She said, "Do you like it?" and I was like, "Yeah, it looks really nice." And then she said, "Is it subtle?" and I was like "Jenny*, you're a black woman with orange and yellow hair!"

Plymouth, Michigan

Overheard by: Morgz

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Ever Seen a Cooch Do Three Snaps in Z-Formation?

Girl: Ryan, if you had a vagina, what would she wear?
Boy: She? What if I had a male vagina?
Boy #2: Oh, he would be so sassy!

Melbourne, Florida

Overheard by: Livi

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That's the Fountain on the Right

Loud guy in restaurant: So, we were out shopping and there were all these women in burkas taking pictures of each other. How fucking pointless is that? It's not like they're going to look back afterwards and go, 'Oh, look, there's Doris by the fountain!'

England

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Is That a Lip-Liner and EpiPen in One?

Hottie: Here ya go -- put this in your man-purse for me, please.
Indie boyfriend, indignantly: It's not a man-purse! It's a medical evac bag!
Hottie: Okay. You got any bandages or sterile alcohol in there?
Indie boyfriend: ... No.
Hottie: Yeah, right -- it's a man-purse. [Guy sullenly puts item in bag.]

Target, Saint Matthews
Louisville, Kentucky

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The Answer Was Both Better and Worse Than They Anticipated

Coworker #1: I don't even know what on a penis you would even pierce.
Coworker #2: I don't, either. Let me text my brother-in-law and ask him. Maybe I can get him to send us a picture of his.

Eye clinic
Salt Lake City, Utah

Overheard by: also interested

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And She Washes and Folds My Spiderman Underwear

Dude: It's not that I live with my mom, it's that my mom is my roommate...

Salem, Oregon

Overheard by: Sarah

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There's Nothing You Can Do to Rehabilitate Its Coolness

Hipster girl pointing at piece of art: So, do you want to get it?
Hipster guy: Nah, we'll get it somewhere else. I hate when people ask you, 'Where did you get that?' and you're like, 'Ikea...'

Ikea
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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You're Both Right!

Preppy girl #1: Wow, now we all have the same necklace! We should all wear them the next time we go out!
Preppy girl #2: Yeah! We'd be like the Power Rangers or something!
Preppy girl #3: Or we'd be like douchebags.

Eastern Market
Washington, DC

Overheard by: office peon does d.c.

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Someone Who Can Afford Better Than Macy's

Little girl: Mom, those boots make you look like a hooker!
Mother: This conversation is over.
Little girl: Okay... What's a hooker?

Macy's, Marley Station Mall
Marley, Maryland

Overheard by: jd

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All You Ladies Need to Do Is Dab Some Beer behind Your Ears and You're Set

Psychology professor: What will your Prada bag get you? It doesn't get you sex. All the men aren't going to be like, 'Oooh, Prada bag!'

Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois

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She's Bringin' "Rakish" Back

Chick: I'd worship Jesus if he had a rakish and amusing hat.

High school classroom
Englewood, Colorado

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You Know I'm Allergic

Chick #1: Look, I'm wearing orange!
Chick #2: Fuck you! You just did that to piss me off, didn't you?!
Chick #1: Yeah...

Downers Grove, Illinois

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Or Just Use Them to Lash Insolent Tourists?

Bimbette tourist: Oh, right, yeah -- I need to find some belts. Do Chinese people wear belts?

Hong Kong, China

Overheard by: Kim

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And I'm Already Tired of It

Hyper girl pulling out lots of different colored bracelets: I need to change my mood!
Friend: What's your mood, Dana?
Hyper girl: I don't know! I'm changing it!

Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com

Overheard by:

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Think They Could Add a Nice Lace Ruffle?

Chick #1 exiting bathroom stall: I can't believe I'm getting my gun tomorrow.
Chick #2: Yeah... Too bad they can't put color in it. It's going to be pretty ugly.
Chick #1: It's a gun.
Chick #2: Doesn't mean it has to be ugly.
Chick #1: Yeah, it would be cool in purple.

Grand Junction, Colorado

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Then I'll Definitely Get the Role of Midwestern Tourist #1

Lady to hubby: So, I've finally decided: for my interviews I'm not gonna get a new purse. I'm just gonna get a really nice fanny pack.

Pacifica, California

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And Pearl Jam

Girl #1: Lumberjacks wear flannel.
Girl #2: And junkies.

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The Queen Amidala Headdress Is Really Heavy

Costumed dad to little girl: You need to listen. Understand? You will not take your clothes off!

Star Wars 30th Anniversary Celebration
Los Angeles, California

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I'm Taking You to Counseling Unless You Tell Me They're for Robbing Banks

Mother to toddler son in stall: Honey, I really don't understand your obsession with tights.

Arclight bathroom
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: flashback to my boyfriend's childhood

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And What Are We? Posers!

Mom: That's Hollister. Remember what I told you about Hollister?
Toddler girl: Hollister.
Mom: Hollister is for po-sers.
Toddler girl: Posers.
Mom: Po-sers.
Toddler girl, giggling excitedly: Posers!

Garden State Plaza
Paramus, New Jersey

Overheard by: Sar

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That, and the Jar of Lube He Keeps Waving Around

Queer: Oh my god, did you see Andy in that hat?
Fag hag: Yeah!
Queer: Doesn't he know that a cowboy hat that big is an unequivocal call for anal sex?

New Haven, Connecticut

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Well, You'll Be Ready Next Time

Freshman girl #1: I met a boy in a kilt on Friday. I wish I would have had sex with him.
Freshman girl #2: Yeah, kilts are hot.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: sorostitute

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They Couldn't

Frat boy: We are Ivy League educated men -- we can figure out how to turn a bed sheet into a toga.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: maria

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Without Them, Donald Duck's Too Creepy to Be a Role Model

Guy: Once you've seen him in his underwear you want to be just like him.

Huber's restaurant
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: rich

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Are These Not the Hottest Slippers Ever?

Girl: I'm like Mister Rogers -- I change my style twice a day.

Farragut North Metro
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

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