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I'm an Enabler--I Admit It
Teenager #1: My parents would never let me wear that out of the house.
Teenager #2: My dad's a freak. He likes to see me half-naked.
Navy Pier
Chicago, Illinois
From Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Giving Head
Girl #1: Well, you know she gave that guy a blow job when three other people were in the room. Someone was bound to find out.
Girl #2: I've never even done it in front of people.
Girl #1: Me either, I'm not that slutty.
Younger girl with them: Oh, guess just me then?
Girl #1: You gave someone a blowjob with people watching?!
Younger girl: Uh, yeah. Back when I was 15 and drunk.
Girl #1: I'm your aunt: should you really have told me that, McSlutty?
Park
San Diego, California
Categories: Age and ageing | BJs | California | Default | Drinking & drunks | Family | Family ties | Girls | Insults | Memory lane | Names | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Those Were Different Times--There Was a War On
College girl #1: If I'm pregnant, the father is either him or his cousin.
College girl #2: Wait, you slept with David* and his cousin?
College girl #1: It wasn't a big deal, it was a threesome!
Barnes & Noble
Cary, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jennifer
Categories: Bimbettes | Default | Family ties | Friends | North Carolina | Pregnancy | Sex | Sorority types | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did We Suddenly Become That Poor?
Mom: You wanna sleep in the bed with dad?
13-year-old boy: Why the hell would I do that? I'm 5'6"! That's gay!
Baldwin Park, Florida
Overheard by: hmm... point taken.
Categories: Default | Family ties | Florida | Guys | Moms | Offers and requests | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Dug the Mariana Trench With It, Baby Girl
(grandmother mumbles something unintelligible)
Young girl: Oh my god, grandma! I didn't want to hear how grandpa was hung like a whale!
Longview, Washington
Overheard by: CaerBear
Categories: Animals | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Girls | Memory lane | Washington | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially the One from Little House on the Prairie
Very obnoxious drunk man to long-suffering waitress: Hey, what's your name, anyway?
Waitress (coldly): Melissa.
Drunk man (softly): Awww, my daughter's name is Melissa.
Waitress: Well, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we usually turn out slutty.
Bar
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Comebacks | Creepsters | Customers | Default | Drunks | Family ties | Guys | Insults | Names | Questions | Servers | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gay People. Is There Any Social Problem They Can't Fix?
Guy: So it's her mom, her mom's boyfriend, and her dad?
Girl: Yeah. It would be so awkward if her dad wasn't gay.
Corpus Christi, Texas
Overheard by: it already is.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Sexuality | Texas | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Still Upset About My Sandals With Black Socks?
Dad: That's an awfully big brownie. You know it's so big it's a Girl Scout.
Daughter: Silence.
Dad: Hey, this is funny stuff from your dad.
(daughter stares at him in silence)
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: Tim
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Kids | New York | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...for Chip 'n' Dale
Little boy, covered in glitter: Mom! Casey's whompin' glitter on me again!
Little girl: I am not!
Mother: She's just tryin' to make you look pretty!
Magic Kingdom, Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Natalie
Categories: Beauty | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Florida | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is the Range of Gay Sex Really That Limited?
Straight guy: I really need your advice about this girl.
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: No. Her mom set us up on this date...
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: You just suggested that. I mean, I like her but I definitely don't want to date her, and we're supposed to hang out this weekend, but I don't know what to do with her.
Gay guy: Well, just be like: "Hey, do you want to toss a Frisbee in the arboretum?"
Straight guy: And if she says yes, be like: "Okay, do you want to toss my salad in the arboretum?"
Gay guy: Awesome.
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: $kank
Categories: Advice | Backdoor | Compliments | Default | Family ties | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Queers | Questions | Words | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Was Extolling the Virtues Of Her HMO
Mother to son: I'm not sure, but I think grandma was high.
Union Station
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Seska
Categories: Default | Drugs | Family ties | Illinois | Moms | Public transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Ever Figure Out Who He Is
Woman with four kids in front of a bondage window display: See that? That's what I want to do to your dad, get him all tied up and just whip the shit out of him!
The Crypt
Denver, Colorado
Dude, You Suck at the Dozens
Young thug #1: Your momma is a rat.
Young thug #2: At least she isn't a hood rat like your momma.
Young thug #1: Well at least everyone who is with my momma has a good time. I should know, I hear it.
Galleria
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: annoying blonde girl
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Insults | New York | Pride | Sexuality | Teens | Thugs | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone's a Beautiful Woman After 12 Tequila Shots
Drunk guy on cell: Dad, I can't talk right now, I'm surrounded by FBI agents, but I've got your $100, your beer, and your marijuana. Oh, and your toilet paper. [Pause.] No, dad, FBI agents. [Pause.] I don't know, they're all beautiful women.
B Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Beauty | Crimes | Default | Drugs | Drunks | Family ties | Guys | Massachusetts | Money | Offers and requests | On the phone | Sexuality | Train | Posted 2008-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wanna See Some Wallet Photos from the Huffing Years?
Girl#1: I mean, my parents have no money now. Dad lost it in his "snort" phase.
Girl#2: My mom had that phase, but now she's just into the "prescription" phase.
Girl#3: That's a great phase.
Banana Republic
Kitchener
Canada
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Drugs | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Stores | Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Family Tradition I've Been Staunch about Continuing
Drunk woman: ... And that's how my parents hooked up! My dad was a drunk dialer!
Outside George's
Waco, Texas
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Family ties | Memory lane | Relationships | Restaurants | Texas | Women | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Specifically, a Fatty Boombalatty
Guy: I learned something... What did I learn? I learned that my son is a fatty.
Chick-fil-A
Marietta, Georgia
Categories: Dads | Diet & weight | Family ties | Georgia | Offspring | Questions | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2008-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kinda Misleading That His Name's Mario, Though
Teen girl #1: Your dad could be a plumber because of his moustache.
Teen girl #2: My dad doesn't have a moustache.
Teen girl #1: Well I wish he did.
Teen girl #2: Too bad, bitch!
North Bay
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Shaving | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hardly Worse Than Getting Dick-Poked Before Birth
[husband and wife are pushing stroller through the mall. Suddenly another man rushes up and picks the husband up, twirling him around while everyone cracks up]
Man, looking over at child: Wow, that would be a really awkward first memory!
Spotsylvania Towne Centre
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: That Girl In The Kiosk
Categories: Family ties | Feelings | Stores | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Produced Sitcom Pilots in the 80s
Blonde: I wish I was a dad. It would be so funny!
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: Sars
Categories: Compare and contrast | Family ties | Gender issues | Girls | New Zealand | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Edgar Allen Poe Was a Difficult Kid to Raise
Mother: Honey, do you remember mommy's friend Denise?
Four-year-old son: Uh-huh.
Mother: Well, mommy has to leave right now, because Denise's father passed away, and I have to go and tell Denise that I'm sorry.
Four-year-old son: Oh. Did you kill him?
Port Jefferson, New York
Overheard by: arctinus
Hugging Is a Chick Thing, Dude
Dude #1, watching TV: That's gross, man... He's hugging a dead person.
Dude #2: It's his brother man. What if your mom just died... Wouldn't you hug her?
Dude #1: Well yeah. I guess I would...
Dude #2: Ewwwww.
Lake View Terrace, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Family | Family ties | Friends | Guys | Questions | Posted 2008-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Mean It, or Are You Just Using Her for Sex?
Girl on cell: I said "I love you" like three years ago. Why? When was the last time you said it?
[pause]
Girl on cell, shocked: Ew! To who, you whorebag?!
[pause]
Girl on cell, incredulous: You say "I love you" to your mom?
200 Bus
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: likewhoa
Categories: Bus | California | Family ties | Girls | Infidelity | On the phone | Questions | Relationships | Words | Posted 2008-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, Indirectly
Girl: No, isn't Macbeth the one where she gets her husband to kill Macbeth?
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Overheard by: Stu
Categories: Books | Death & dying | Education | Family ties | Girls | Overheard at York | Questions | Relationships | Violence | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Still, It's a Violation of the Standard Creepiness Rule for Dating Age Differences
20-something #1: Your boyfriend is 61, right?
20-something #2: My boyfriend is 60. Our father is 61.
Colorado
Categories: Age and ageing | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Relationships | Siblings | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See --Look at Her Go to Town on That Man's Shoe
Little girl: Daddy! Daddy! Emma just kissed the shopping cart!
Father: She'll kiss worse things in her life.
Hannaford
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Family ties | Girls | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Kids | Kids | Maine | Siblings | Stores | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That Why You Keep Flinging Rocks at My Forehead?
Little boy: I don't have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do sweetie...
Little boy: No! I don't have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do...
Little boy: No, you're a giant!
Grocery Store
Colorado
Overheard by: Not a Giant or a Grandma
Categories: Colorado | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Family | Family ties | Fears | Guys | Kids | Kids | Old folks | Sensory experiences | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Uncle Walter Won't Stop Poking Me
Distraught sorority girl: My mom won't accept my friend request on Facebook!
Sisters, collectively: Awwwwww.
Social Psychology Class
Florida
Overheard by: Dr. Ian Maxwell von Indypants
Categories: Class | Family ties | Feelings | Florida | Friends | Girls | Internet | Offers and requests | Sorority types | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That Yiddish for "a Moment"?
Tall gay 20-something male on cell: My niece died. I need a Fresca.
CVS
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Death & dying | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Feelings | Gays | Guys | Massachusetts | On the phone | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Kids Shouldn't Watch Cinemax After Dark
Six-year-old girl, gyrating hips: Mommy! Mommy! This is how babies are made!
Mother: That's nice.
Gap Store, Stanford Shopping Center
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: this is why I don't shop at the gap
Categories: California | Family ties | Girls | Glad the condom broke | Kids | Malls | Moms | Offspring | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Escaped from the Closet and Alerted Red Riding Hood
Fat suit on cell: Damn that grandma!
Russell Square Station
London
England
Categories: Age and ageing | Family ties | Fat people | Guys | Insults | Public transportation | Suits | UK | Words | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Slylock Fox's Puzzle: How Many Things Are Wrong with This Conversation?
Thug sitting in traffic yelling into cell: I moved you and the goddamn kids out here! I robbed muthafuckas for you! I'm facing five to ten goddamn years for you, and I can't even get a goddamn thank you?! Bitch, you drunk?!
Highway
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: scaredspectator
As Soon As We Get On, I'm Grabbing a Pole and Ripping Them Off
Chick: Well, my mom wouldn't let me on the train until I wore pants, so there ya go.
Southmoor station
Aurora, Colorado
Categories: Bimbettes | Chicks | Clothes | Colorado | Family ties | Gender issues | Gripes | Public Transportation | Teens | Posted 2008-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kid Must've Been Horrible to Get Taken to a Fabric Store
Six-year-old kid: Will you come over to our place?
Mom's friend: No.
Six-year-old kid: Why not?
Mom's friend: Because you're annoying.
Mom: See? I told you!
Fabric Store
DeKalb, Illinois
Wait-- What Exactly Are You Using As a Volleyball?
Mom to three-year-old son under the table: Whatcha' doin' under there, buddy?
Three-year-old son: Playing volleyball.
Dad: Volleyball? Smells like you're pooping your pants.
Three-year-old son, giggling: I am.
Three-year-old son's sister to friend: See, I told you it wasn't the food.
Los Tres Amigos Mexican Restaurant
Michigan
Overheard by: Scott
Categories: Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Lies | Michigan | Moms | Poop | Questions | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Siblings | Posted 2008-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, That Self-Actualization Seminar Was a Bust
Nine year-old girl: I want that shirt and you are going to get it for me. Any questions?
Mom: Many. Shut up and put the damn shirt back.
Target
Atlanta, Georgia