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It Can't Be Worse Than That Burger, Right?
Hostess: Hope you all enjoyed your meal tonight!
Woman customer: It was horrible!
Hostess: Okay, well, have a good night!
American Cafe
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Emily
Some Spies May Be Adorable, but They Get the Job Done
Girl on cell in library: It's crunch time, sparky!
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
New Yorkers-in-Training
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we're stopped here because Amtrak's having signal trouble. They're working on the line, but don't know how long it'll take. We could be here five minutes, we could be here fifty minutes.
Loudmouthed commuter: I don't believe this--the same fucking thing happened on Monday!
Even louder commuter: Why the fuck you gotta use language like that?
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, let me remind you it is not the conductors' fault the train is stopped. We want to go home too, and we're stuck here on this train with you.
NJ Transit
Overheard by: Graceful Space
Categories: Employees | Etiquette | Insults | New Jersey | Public transportation | Posted 2011-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the DMV's the Perfect Place to Discuss My Sex Drive
Girl #1: Oh! Did I tell you about the threesome I had with the married couple on the cruise ship?
Girl #2, gesturing at a father and young son sitting directly in front of them: Shhh!
Girl #1: Whatever, he needs to learn.
DMV
Walnut Creek, California
Overheard by: Shh!
...Period.
Girl to friend: All you have to do is say something about menstruation and every man within earshot becomes uncomfortable.
Michigan State University
Categories: Etiquette | Girls | Michigan | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2011-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gosh, I Miss Circuit Parties.
Nurse #1: Constipated and a lot of bloody stool.
Nurse #2: (laughs uproariously)
North Shore Hospital
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Etiquette | Health & Hygiene | New York | Nurses | Poop | Posted 2011-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'll Admit It: We Laughed.
Unhappy girl: He left and said he couldn't work on the project because he had stuff he had to do.
Aggravated friend: But he left with his girlfriend? Stuff, my ass!
Calm friend: I'm sure that's what his girlfriend said.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: is that sanitary?
Categories: Etiquette | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Posted 2011-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Watch Your Tongue, Missy!
Guy: I'm not sure that rocking up and offering cunnilingus is going to help my cause.
Girl: Worth a try, though...
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
What Kind Of Sorry-Ass Man Drinks at Applebees?
Loud drunk man at bar to attractive woman leaving restaurant: Can I take you out to McDonald's sometime?
Woman: No, I'm married. Thanks for the offer, though.
Drunk man: Married? Well, shoot! Where's your husband at then?
Woman: He's working.
Drunk man: Working? Well, hell! I work sometimes too!
Applebee's
Beaufort, South Carolina
Categories: Drunks | Etiquette | Food | Offers and requests | Philosophy | Relationships | South Carolina | Women | Posted 2011-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Crime Really Doesn't Pay
Black guy on side of street to car passing slowly in traffic: Yo, I see you, don' need to roll ya window up, it's just a Honda, only get three stacks for it at the chop shop. (to friends) Shit, I get in the car and have you drive to the ATM machine, pop ya in the face, get ya pin number, withdraw $500. Receipt comes out 'insufficient funds'. Now I got to kill you.
Miami, Florida
What the Fuck Is Going on in Leamington Spa??
Very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt #1, singing: Fill my hole, fill my hole, fill my hole, fuh-uh-illlll my hole!
Very drunk 20-something in miniskirt #2#: Becky*! Don't sing that!
Very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt #1#, singing off key: But I just waaaaant you to fuh-illll mah ho-alll!
Very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt #2# to passing man: She's training to be a vet. She's not usually like this, she's had a bit too much to drink.
Man: Yeah... She wants someone to fill her hole.
Very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt #1#: I'm not drunk!
Man: I believe you.
(very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt 1# holds hand over mouth and impressively sprays vomit in five directions)
Very drunk 20-something in miniskirt #2#: Becky*, I think we're going to have to get a taxi...
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
The Escalator to Hell Is Paved With Starbucks Cups
Gay guy going up escalator to girl going down with coffee: You know you're not supposed to have drinks on the metro.
Girl with coffee: Okay, then take it for me. (he refuses, she calls up to him) Take it! Take it! I'm not supposed to have it! What will I do!?
Metro Station
Washington, DC
Categories: Etiquette | Gays | Girls | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Washington, DC | Posted 2011-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then at Least Invite Me, Next Time
Brunette to blonde: Stop being such a slut!
Blonde: No can do, bitch!
Williamsburg, Virginia
...But How Does That Bible Verse Go Again?
Girl: It wasn't "fuck you," specifically...
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Good Luck Filling My Cup, Sir
Male customer: Since you're new, I will order slowly. (proceeds to do so)
Cute female barista, after writing down: Okay, that wasn't so hard!
Male customer: Oh, I'll give you something hard... Oh, wait, did that come out wrong?
Roswell, Georgia
Categories: Baristas | Customers | Etiquette | Euphemisms | Georgia | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2010-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the Code Of the West
Teen girl to teen friends in checkout line bumping into each other: Stop it, you guys, this isn't the Dollar Store, we're in Wal-Mart, you gotta act classy!
Wal-Mart
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Shawna
Oh, You're Just Still Pissed That I Stole Your Lucky Charms.
Bearded elderly Irish tramp: Fuck you! Fuck you, you hellspawn of Satan! You diseased monkey fucking dog wanking shitcunt!
Man, passing by: Pardon?
Bearded elderly Irish tramp: You heard me, you twat! You cocksucking pedophile wanker! (turning to passing woman) Excuse me my dear, I'm terribly sorry to bother you, but could you spare a pound?
Woman, passing by: Sorry, no.
Bearded elderly Irish tramp: God bless you! (turns back to passing man) Go fuck yourself, you cunt! I'll vomit on your fucking dog!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Everybody Respects a Gentleman Bandit
Professor: I could go to Mark*, for example, and say, "hey, you have to do this or I'm going to shoot you." (to Mark*) Uh, sorry.
Mark*: Well, at least you're polite about it.
Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: S.m. Torres
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Etiquette | Massachusetts | Murder | Students | Teachers | Threats | Posted 2010-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oooh, Blood!
Mother: Hey kids, look at that woman. She's puking!
Kid: Mom, it's rude to point!
Mother: Move, she'll puke on you too!
Magic Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: lolcopter
Only If They Don't Squeak
Student: Is it okay to wear leather trousers to a funeral?
Hull University
Hull
England
Categories: Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Etiquette | Students | UK | Posted 2010-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes It's a Good Time, Sometimes It's a Good Story
Woman #1, as bus passes bar: See that bar? There's another location closer to the lake. My dad and I went there for a beer right after I first moved here. I felt something brush my leg and I looked down and saw a rat! I swear, it was a foot and a half long!
Woman #2: Oh my god! What did you do?
Woman #1: Oh, it was crazy. The owner disappeared upstairs and came back with a baseball bat but by that time the rat was hiding between the bar and the wall. So he runs off again and comes back with a blowtorch! It's like, 'helloooo, this whole bar is made of wood!"
Woman #2: So what happened?
Woman #1: They took my address and that Monday I got a bouquet of flowers. For not freaking out, I guess. I dunno. I've never been back...
Chicago, Illinois
And, in That Moment, I Fell a Little Bit More in Love with Him
Big black lady on cell, while eating: No, girl, you don't even know! He actually said, "do you have a beer in your pocket? Cuz I'd really like to get in yo' pants!"
Irving, Texas
Overheard by: cherryindallas
Categories: Black people | Etiquette | Fat people | On the phone | Questions | Sex | Texas | Posted 2010-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why the Fairy Always Dies When His Mom Reads Him Peter Pan
Ten-year-old boy: Dad, why are people clapping?
Father: Because the conductor entered the stage. It's respectful.
Ten-year-old boy: I personally don't believe in clapping for someone unless they've done something.
Tanglewood Music Center
Lenox, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Bystander girl
Mom Still Reminisces Fondly About the First Visit from the Police
Girl: When I see small children, I feel like I owe my mother an apology.
Baltimore, MD
Overheard by: Ren
In Our Family, We Get Our Pornography from the Internet
Boy, holding bodice-ripper romance novel: Dad, is this a book for fifth-graders?
Distracted father: No. Put it back.
Boy: What is it?
Distracted father: Hardcore pornography. Put it back.
Fairwood, Washington
Overheard by: he was so hopeful
Ladies, Please Watch Your Actions.
Female track jock, to friend: So I had this fucking hair up my fucking ass.
Private school football coach, overhearing: Ladies, please watch you language.
Female track jock: I had a hair up my butt.
El Paso, Texas
What Happens When You're Raised by an Old Lady with a Lot Of Pills
Young boy: Good gracious, I'm high!
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: sjshock
As Explained in Thurber's The Wonderful O
Student to another: You're an asshole!
Science teacher: If you're going to say that, you should use the proper term, which is "anus."
High School
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Advice | Ass | Etiquette | Insults | New Zealand | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Show Some Respect
Girl to two people fighting in buffet line: Come on, you guys! Chill out, we're in the presence of food!
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Brit~ta~nee
But She's Saving Her Belching for Marriage
Redneck woman: He said that he could tell she really dug him because she farted in front of him.
Friend: Oh, she'll fart in front of anybody!
Square Mall
Hammond, Louisiana
Overheard by: pull my finger
Categories: Etiquette | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Louisiana | Malls | Rednecks | Relationships | Posted 2009-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Brits Even Make Farting Sound Civilized
British woman: Pardon me, I have to go get meself centered.
Yoga Studio
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Etiquette | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Can I Have That Back Now?
Hobo: Anyone got a dollar? I'm hungry as hell.
Fat girl: Here you go, man. (gives him a five)
Hobo: Thank you! Thank you! Now, see, because she's fat--no, I say healthy. I like my women healthy, gives me something to grab onto. Now, because she's fat, she knows I got to eat!
Fat girl: Umm...
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Fat people | Food | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Hobos | Money | Offers and requests | Panhandling | Sensory experiences | Wisconsin | Words | Posted 2008-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are Those The Only Choices?
Professor to class, after licking her finger and cleaning the board with it: Do you guys think thats gross? Or hot?
University of Massachusetts
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Massachusetts | Questions | Sexuality | Teachers | Women | Posted 2008-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Okay, See Ya Later!
Porn-'stached scuzzball: I mean, if you ever, like, masturbated, you'd know that smell.
Robinson, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: And I Go To College With You??
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Guys | Masturbation | Pennsylvania | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Have to Protect the Fantasy of Your Desirability
Short-haired college girl to guy friend: So, is it okay if I fart in front of you?
Guy friend (pause): Well, you're gay, right? Then I guess it's okay.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a. Lil.
Categories: Burping & farting | Default | Etiquette | Frat boy types | Friends | Girls | Guys | Lesbos | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Relationships | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Damn Third Commandment Always Trips Me Up
Good Catholic schoolboy to friend who just recited a really long prayer: Good job! You only missed one word. This one can be really hard and you almost got it perfect.
Bad Catholic schoolboy: God dammit! Jesus Christ, I'm never gonna get this bullshit memorized!
Goretti-Neumann High
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: lora
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Education | Etiquette | Friends | Guys | Insults | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Words | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, You Try to Negotiate the Aisles While Applying Eyeliner
Female flight attendant (managing to bump beverage cart into a seat): Whoops, sorry! Woman driver!
Flight over Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Gaby Young
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Flight attendants | Gender issues | Hawaii | Women | Posted 2008-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Freud's Children Were His Primary Inspiration
Dad walking towards hotel lounge: Where are your hands?
Young daughter: Somewhere they shouldn't be!
Dad: That's right! Somewhere they shouldn't be!
Austria
We Have Merit Badges in Blasphemy and Obscenity
Woman, crossing in front of two Scouts: Shit! Oh, I'm sorry!
Scout to another: We could top that.
Slatersville, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Ben Jam'in
In This Case, Even Dad Would Agree
(outside Abercrombie & Fitch)
Little boy, pointing at picture of shirtless male model: Look mommy, nipples!
Mother: Yes, honey, nipples. We aren't supposed to be looking at nipples.
Rockaway Townsquare Mall
Rockaway Township, New Jersey
Overheard by: We Aren't?
So Many Watershed Moments Happen at Banana Republic
(in the Georgetown Banana Republic)
Girl #1: I really love this dress, but I think it's a tad too short for work. I'm only supposed to be buying dresses for work right now.
Girl #2: Really? It's not too short for my office. But my boss only hires pretty people, so he likes it when we wear short dresses.
Girl #1: Did you think I'm ugly?
Girl #2: No! Buy the dress and send me your resume.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Advice | Clothes | Default | Eavesdrop DC | Etiquette | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Offers and requests | Students | Posted 2008-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But You Found a Scarf? Score!
Bimbette on phone, nonchalantly: So you lost your baby?
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Kid's Got a Point
Two-year-old girl: Fuck that. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck!
Orthodontist
Gilbert, Arizona
Overheard by: KBizz
How This Is Relevant to Jane Eyre Has Yet to Become Clear
Professor: So the idea of women getting foreplay before sex often ends up being a way...
Student (cutting her off): For him to get you just wet enough so he can stick it in.
Professor: Well, I was trying to think of a more polite way to say it, but...yes.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Foreplay | Girls | Overheard at UMBC | Students | Teachers | Women | Words | Posted 2008-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're the Worst Thesis Advisor Ever
Girl walking through campus: I can't believe you, I'm sitting in my living room in nothing but a towel, with mascara streaming down my face and you don't even care!
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: You sit on a throne of lies
Weren't We Fencing?
30-something male drunk: You're not my mother!
20-something female drunk: I'm not your mother. I'm just telling you that it's not okay to grunt and lunge at people.
Pacifica, California
Overheard by: Slightly
Categories: Advice | California | Default | Drunks | Etiquette | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Posted 2008-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Sam's Club, the All-S&M Warehouse
Girlfriend, after guy has smacked her butt: This isn't Wal-Mart!
Target
Salem, Oregon
So I Just Raised One Eybrow and Smiled at Her
Guy on cell: And I wanted to say, essentially, "Bitch, my office manages eight billion a year, so shut the fuck up"--but in the refined and enlightened way one would say such a thing in the country club dining room.
Santa Rosa, California
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Guys | Insults | Money | On the phone | Posted 2008-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being a Gentleman Has to Be Its Own Reward
Man: Excuse me, but your skirt is caught on your bag and it's pulling your skirt all the way up.
Young woman (annoyed): Excuse me! Can't you see I'm on the fucking phone?!
Man: Fine then--walk around with your ass hanging out--see if I care.
Young woman (into her phone): Oh my god! Some guy just totally came up and told me that my ass is showing! (walks off with skirt still showing)
Airport
Sydney
Australia
I'll Tell the World!
Guy: Dude, his nipples are like as big as my pecs!
Girl: ...people can hear you here.
Stamp Student Union
University of Maryland
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Girls | Maryland | Nipples | Posted 2008-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People With No Boundaries Aren't Quite Sure When They're Having Sex
Girl in stall (yelling on cell): Oh, my god. Do you really have herpes? That's contagious, right? Should I get tested?
(flush of toilet)
Friend's voice on speakerphone: Am I on speakerphone in the bathroom?
Girl in stall: Yeah, I'm just peeing. So should I get tested?
Friend: I'm not talking about this on speakerphone.
Girl in stall: Okay, it's off... Oh, so you can only get herpes through sex?
Public Bathroom
Kent State University, Ohio
Overheard by: Laureen
God: La La La La La--Can't Hear You!
(guy grabs girl's hand and licks cotton candy off her finger and licks finger)
Girl: Be careful, you don't where these fingers have been.
Guy: Well, I know last night they were in your vagina.
Girl: Shhh! People can hear you!
Guy: No one's even listening to us!
San Diego, California
Categories: Advice | California | Default | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | Masturbation | Sexuality | Vagina | Posted 2008-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Doesn't Involve My Grandma
Loud girl: Listen to me! I saw that hairy vagina! It was right in front of my face!
Loud guy: Can we please engage in a different conversation?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Or Be More Attractive
Woman: So, we didn't check the restaurants to see if they had a dress code, so we couldn't eat anywhere because you had to wear pants.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: sxoidmal
You're Always Telling Me I Should Have Goals
Little boy (loudly): I want to eat poop.
Mom (who clearly wasn't paying attention): What, honey?
Little boy: I would like to eat poop.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: JessH.
Strangely Less Inappropriate
Bro #1: You were about to make fun of a girl who was missing a hand!
Bro #2 (defensively): An arm!
Rogue Valley Mall
Medford, Oregon
The Gospel Rap Song That's Sweeping the Charts
(group bows heads and man begins to pray)
Girl (just realizing prayer has started): Oh! Holy shit! We're praying?!
Shawnee Mission Park
Shawnee, Kansas
Wow--Guess You're in Love With the Boy
Girl #1: What is meant to be will always find its way.
Girl #2: Oh, don't give me that crap right now!
UCLA, California
Overheard by: Mallory
Categories: Advice | California | Colleges & Universities | Etiquette | Girls | Philosophy | Posted 2008-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, We Read the Admissions Brochure
College guy from dorm room window to tour group: If your daughters are virgins they won't be for long!
Miami University
Oxford, Ohio
Overheard by: sarah
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Etiquette | Family ties | Guys | Ohio | Virginity | Posted 2008-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Don't Make These Up
Annoying daughter: Ewww, don't order broccoli pizza. That's gross!
White trash mom: Smell my armpit.
Annoying daughter: Okay!
White trash mom: Here, smell this one too.
Roma Pizza
Ocean City, New Jersey
Overheard by: grossed out
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Food | Gripes | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Posted 2008-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Animal Cracker Coming Up
Kid: (burps loudly)
Mom: What was that?
Kid: I think it was a lion.
Little Leage Game
Ft. Worth, Texas
Overheard by: DeeDon
But Take This Cream, to Be on the Safe Side
Girl: Hey, Lamar!
Guy: Oh, hey!
Girl: How you been? You been sick?
Guy: Nah... healthy.
Girl: Oh... see ya!
Bowling Green State University
Bowling Green, Ohio
Overheard by: Alex
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Ohio | Questions | Posted 2008-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Odds Are You Still Aren't Paying Attention
Flight attendant, concluding pre-flight safety spiel: For those of you who paid attention: Thank you. And for those of you who did not: Good luck.
International Airport
Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Eric Dean
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Euphemisms | Hawaii | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Bet You Say That to All the Girls
(outside of a coffee shop downtown late at night)
Hipster chick: So then I went to the store and found out the shoes were discontinued but...
Creepy guy (with unzipped and unbuttoned pants): What are you guys talking about? Can I talk or are you going to kick me out?
Hipster chick: Uh... (looks around for a quick exit) No man, you can stay. We're talking about shoes.
Creepy guy: You're so hot. No, really. I would kiss you like you'd never think about shoes again.
Akron, Ohio
Overheard by: Julia M
Categories: Clothes | Compliments | Creepsters | Default | Etiquette | Hipsters | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Kink | Ohio | Strangers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ooh, Stool Softener--Perfect!
Middle-aged matronly looking woman: Well, while we're here I can get some of this stocking stuffer shit.
Walgreens
Chicago, Illinois
Theme Parks Are Quite Different in Europe
Loud, fat american teen: I have to take the biggest leak ever. Pause. And then I want to check out those hedgehogs.
Market in Freiburg, Germany
Hey, the Donkey Was Never Able to Make Those Charges Stick
Professor: [the guest speaker] apologized for being so hard on you guys. Although she was kinda drunk when she did...
Student: That kinda compromises her honor.
Professor: Oh, trust me, her honor was compromised long before that.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Etiquette | New York | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Imagine Futurama's Professor Farnsworth in This Role
Student: Hi professor, we need some help with our regressions.
Professor, cutting her off: Enough about you. I got a new dog yesterday, look I have a picture!
Student: Uhh... He's cute?
Wellesley, Massachusetts
And Was Forced to Read the Congressional Record
Girl: Do you know what a pearl necklace is?
Woman: I didn't learn about any of that shit until I worked on the Senate floor.
Kokomo's
Linglestown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: M.J.M.
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Fashion | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Questions | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh Yeah, You'd Like Me to Pour You on My Meat
Guy to friend: My hot sauce packet is talking dirty to me.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Josh
So I'm Sorry I Did That, Amber
English teacher: Calling someone a douche is not a constructive comment, even if it's true.
Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Insults | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | South Carolina | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Old Mom Cop/Dad Cop Routine
Mother to son, after chatting with woman: I'm always extra nice to her because your father can't stand her.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Dentist
How You Know This Wasn't Overheard in New York
Red-faced man, shouting furiously into cell: Now you listen to me you... (sees small children nearby) pluck-arsed parrot.
Gouger Street, Adelaide, South Australia
Then I Realized It Was Just a Wellesley Student
Loud guy on street corner: And over there is where I saw my first hooker!
Tremont and Boylston
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I heard him from -inside- a car
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Guys | Massachusetts | Memory lane | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Don't, Try the Cafeteria's Amphetameatloaf
History teacher (hanging up posters with spray adhesive): If ya'll get high from this, you're welcome.
High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: thank you!
Categories: Default | Drugs | Education | Etiquette | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | South Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Always Wanted to Be a Fascist
TSA agent, looking at ID: So Judy*, how are you doing today?
50-something woman: Fine. How are you?
TSA agent: You know, living the dream.
Security Terminal
Airport, Minneapolis
And Now the Judge Says I Can't Babysit There?
Girl to fourteen classmates: I do *everything* in the bathroom!
The Melting Pot
New Jersey
Overheard by: supersecret!
Categories: Etiquette | Euphemisms | Girls | New Jersey | Restaurants | Students | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Technique's Right Out Of The Shaolin Cookbook
Girl on bus: So, I'm like: "Bitch, you can't question my big fork usage!"
99 Bus
Vancouver
Canadia
Can You Prove That's Where They Are?
20-something girl to another: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you weren't privy to the thoughts that are in my head.
Bathroom, Second City Comedy Club
Chicago, Illinois
Ever Wonder What Happens to the Child Actors on SVU?
Mother to impatient son: Do you want to show me how you count?
Five-year-old: Ok. One. Two. Three. Fuck.
Mother: What!? Adam*, you know you're not supposed to say...
Four-year-old: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Mother: Adam*, I said stop! That's a very, very bad word.
Four-year-old, putting hands on ears: You fuck, you fuck, you fuck.
Holt Renfrew
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: M
Next Time Put the Message in a Bottle
Girl in stall: I have paper stuck in my vagina.
Friend: You might not want to say that, there's people here.
Girl in stall: Why is vagina a bad word?
Ladies Room, Foreplay Bar
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: How did it get there?
Did You Know You Have No Lubrication Back There?
Girl: Sorry about the chafing. My butt still hurts when I poo.
Boy: [Makes sad face.]
Girl: From your surprise. I don't like your surprises.
Boy: It surprised me too!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Poop | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Will's Parents Sent Him to His Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air
Girl: Jazmin*, what was you doing in the bathroom?
Jazmin: Oh, you know...
Boy across the hall: She was taking a dump!
Jazmin: Yup! That's what we do all day, every day.
Public High School
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: andromeda
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Friends | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Poop | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Words | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Day James Stopped Doing Positive Affirmations
20-something guy: My testicles are perfect!
Friends: [Silence.]
50-something lady walking past: [Snicker.]
Cork
Ireland
Overheard by: sarah
Categories: Balls | Compliments | Default | Etiquette | Health & Hygiene | Ireland | Pride | Posted 2008-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Slept with Him in Chinese?
[Chinese girls whispering.]
Girl #1 yells: What?! You slept with him last night and didn't come home until three this morning?!
Girl #2 yells back: In Chinese, stupid!
Bus
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Asians | Bus | Etiquette | Friends | Girls | Illinois | Language barrier | Offers and requests | Questions | Sex | Posted 2008-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Those Poopyheads Have Already Exhausted Their Five Minutes of Fame
College girl: There, I've belittled and insulted The View without using the word "bitch" or the c-word.
Student Center, Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: ...and that itself is a feat
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Etiquette | Insults | New Jersey | Pride | Sorority types | TV shows | Words | Posted 2008-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Even Get Me Started on This Banana Lamp
[Two 18-year-old girls are browsing a table full of random items for sale at a Christian thrift store at a local church.]
Girl #1: This candle holder would probably feel great inside my pussy.
Girl #2, barely startled: Haha. Yeah.
Girl #1: Ooh, this shirt is nice!
Gothenburg
Sweden
Overheard by: Donny Boots
Categories: Clothes | Etiquette | Girls | Masturbation | Sensory experiences | Stores | Sweden | Toys | Vagina | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Drugging Miss Daisy
Old white lady, leaving table with a flourish: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom to shoot up.
Lemongrass
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Loves Her Some Thai Food
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Drugs | Etiquette | Ladies who lunch | Maryland | Restaurants | Weirdness | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Thanks for Letting Me Into Yale
Hipster guy: Yeah, it probably didn't help that I gave you poison ivy and then threw up on you.
Bar
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Etiquette | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Maladies | Missouri | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Have My Period, I Get a Mop
Chick: No, if I take a shit I get the dish soap.
Guy: [nods understandingly].
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Poop | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2008-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus Was to Vex Mary His Entire Life
Mother, exiting trolley, to her son: Okay, come on, there's people behind us.
Son: I want to say goodbye!
Mother: Oh, god.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Education | Etiquette | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Train | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good to Know Fast Food Joints Are Just As Classy Outside the U.S.
Crazy hobo in McDonald's line: Does the McDuplo come with fries?
Mcworker: Only if you get the combo. Would you like the combo?
Crazy hobo in McDonald's line: Son of a bitch! This is McDonald's. I want fries with my fucking sandwich. [he throws up on the floor, then walks away muttering.]
Mcworker to other mcworker: I wish I was dead.
McDonald's
Belo Horizonte
Brazil
Categories: Brazil | Coworkers | Crazies | Customers | Death & dying | Etiquette | Food | Hobos | McDonald's | Offers and requests | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Whose Funeral Was I Just Attending?
70-something woman to 80-something woman: Oh hello, so you're still alive?!
Wloclawek
Poland
Overheard by: renia
Categories: Age and ageing | Death & dying | Etiquette | Old folks | Poland | Questions | Women | Posted 2008-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Are These Khakis on Sale?
Retail lady: He fucked me really hard last night. When I woke up all this liquid came out.
Banana Republic
Orange County, California
You Really Do Get a Little Something Extra at the Ivies
Diminutive Asian girl: Well, I think that...
English professor: Isn't "Balls!" such a great expression? It's just so... you know... I give you all permission to interject and interrupt this class by shouting "Balls!" at any time for the rest of the year. Sorry, go ahead with your comment.
Diminutive Asian girl: Well, I think that...
English professor: Balls!
www.overheardatyale.com
Overheard by: overheardatyale
I Appreciate Your Candor
Teenage thug to passing woman: Hey yo baby! I ain't gonna lie, I got a big dick!
Hollywood and Highland
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Has that ever worked?
Categories: Bragging | California | Compliments | Etiquette | Offers and requests | Penis | Pride | Sexuality | Teens | Thugs | Words | Posted 2008-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Don't Begin the Conversations with "I'm Naked and Wet"
Woman on cell: I just asked how's he doing and he actually told me that he's getting hard just talking to me. [Pause.] Well, what do you think I would say? "Oh ,that's nice"!? Hell no! I said: "Oh crap! Sorry, I have another call, gotta go". Yeah, that was definitely odd. Remind me never to be nice and try calling my exes again.
Florida
Categories: Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Feelings | Florida | Offers and requests | On the phone | Penis | Relationships | Sexuality | Women | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did That Come Out Of Me?
Woman in bathroom stall, on cell : ... That's just how it is... No, that's my pee you're hearing... Anyways, what did she say? Wait a second, I have to wipe...
Spokane Airport
Spokane, Washington
Overheard by: wish i had held it...
Categories: Airports & flights | Etiquette | On the phone | Pee | Sensory experiences | Washington | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2008-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Difficult Not to Violate One's Parole in Pennsylvania
Guy on train: It's a stone edifice! You can't wear a t-shirt in a stone edifice!
Train
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Spazzy
Categories: Clothes | Etiquette | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Train | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Americans Have Always Been More Interested in Style Than in Content
British professor: I was walking around Oxford one day and I heard these two young lads, couldn't have been more than eight, say "bitches and hoes."
Student: Could you please say that phrase again?
British professor: ... No.
University of San Diego
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Leah
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Education | Etiquette | Foreigners | Insults | Kids | Offers and requests | Students | Teachers | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Button Up Your Pants, Sweetie
Little girl: I love you, pole.
[She kisses the pole.]
Father: Don't kiss the pole! Keep it rated G!
Outside a Dim Sum Shop
Alameda, California
Categories: Advice | California | Dads | Etiquette | Girls | Kids | Kids | Movies | Restaurants | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Carlos Beltran: I Hate Being an Outfielder
Female Mets fan: I'd let the whole infield fuck me in the ass with no lube if it meant they would win the World Series.
Friend: Classy, Michelle, real classy.
Braves-Mets Game
Queens, New York
Overheard by: aaron
Non-Fucking Whorehouses Are Pretty Much Libraries
Female professor: I may not be the best literary critic of the century, but I know when I'm in a fucking whorehouse.
Combs Hall
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Pride | Teachers | Virginia | Women | Words | Posted 2008-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Thought Only Americans Knew This Little About Sex Ed.
[Line for ladies' room]
Girl #1: Hi, do you mind if I cut in front of you? It's urgent.
Girl #2: Sure.
Girl #1: Thanks, I have to change my tampon.
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]
Girl #1: I have to make sure I change it often. Not too often, because once I changed it too much and got chlamydia.
Girl #2: Oh...[Suppresses laugh.]
Western Australia
Australia
Categories: Australia | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Etiquette | Gender issues | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Restroom | STDs | Threats | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks Sweetie, But That Was the Bedpost
Overexposed springbreaker: Well, since it was a communal dildo, I thought I would be considerate and clean it off.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Ew!
Categories: Cleanliness | Etiquette | Florida | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Toys | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yes, the Naked Guy in the Back --Question?
Professor: If you want to get drunk and run around your house naked in your free time that's your own business, but you're not going to do that at work when you're in public.
Metropolitan State College of Denver
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Education | Etiquette | Teachers | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Leaves My Coffee Table All Wobbly Again, So Be It
Annoyed suit: Sir, don't make me break out the "Canterbury Tales!"
Washington, DC
Instead I Politely Smell Your Crotch
Middle school chick: Sir, are you married?
Substitute teacher: That's a very personal question. That's like if I asked you, "Has it started yet?"
Terman Middle School
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: heerothewizard
Categories: California | Chicks | Comebacks | Education | Etiquette | Gender issues | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Tweens | Posted 2008-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Think about You, I Smell Myself
Dirty hippy skater dude: Oh man! I can smell myself.
Dirty hippy skater girl: I love it when I can smell myself!
Golden Gate Park
San Francisco, California
Categories: Cleanliness | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Hippies | Pride | San Francisco | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Slylock Fox's Puzzle: How Many Things Are Wrong with This Conversation?
Thug sitting in traffic yelling into cell: I moved you and the goddamn kids out here! I robbed muthafuckas for you! I'm facing five to ten goddamn years for you, and I can't even get a goddamn thank you?! Bitch, you drunk?!
Highway
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: scaredspectator
Guy: Come Back! I Can Change It!
Girl #1: I can understand the idea behind having an affair...
Girl #2: Yeah, it's the change of scenery.
Girl #3: The change of dick...
East Lansing, Michigan
Categories: Bimbettes | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Infidelity | Michigan | Penis | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Disconcerting and Yet So Right
Middle-aged shopper: There's something so disconcerting about being poked in the tits by a kitchen fork.
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: disgruntled shopgirl
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Etiquette | Feelings | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From the Three's Company Cutting-Room Floor
Female roommate, discussing broken toilet: It's funny how the tampon goes but not the poop.
Male roommate: I should have stayed in my room.
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: should've stayed at the library...
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Feelings | Frat boy types | Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Poop | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2008-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Toni Morrison Doesn't Let Anybody Touch the Books at Her Readings
Man walking down the street: All I did was stick my hand in her jacket and the show was over!
Madison and Canal
Chicago, Illinois
If You Have to Tell Her, You're Doing It Wrong
Random guy: Man, you just gotta cowboy the fuck up and tell the dumb bitch you're doing her in the ass!
Moe's Southwest Grill
Norman, Oklahoma
Suck His Toes and You'll Be High for Days
Large black woman on cell: Girl! I'm tellin' you, I don't know where I gots them warts on my feets. But they nasty! I don't want to give them to nobody else, so I brought me some lil' socks, you know... Them cushy foots? Not like Earl, who goes barefoot all over the city with them mushroom funguses on his toes. His toenails be like baby powder! They all crumbly and shit.
Detroit Metro Airport
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Trying not to barf (and glad I wore socks)
Categories: Airports & flights | Black people | Body parts | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Health & Hygiene | Hoochies | Maladies | Michigan | On the phone | Threats | Women | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You'd Be Like, "I Got the Pus-sy!"
Lady professor: AU is so different, there are so many females here. When I was in college, my sophomore year it was a five to one ratio! Males to females! The men were hanging from the trees. You'd walk through campus, wary, and then you'd sit at the cafeteria table and look up from your breakfast and there would be five guys -just staring at you!
Justice Research Class, American University
Washington, D.C.
Categories: Bragging | Class | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Gender issues | Memory lane | Sexuality | Teachers | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kid Must've Been Horrible to Get Taken to a Fabric Store
Six-year-old kid: Will you come over to our place?
Mom's friend: No.
Six-year-old kid: Why not?
Mom's friend: Because you're annoying.
Mom: See? I told you!
Fabric Store
DeKalb, Illinois
Crystal Meth Weddings Are Prone to Unpredictability
Woman: It was a disaster. The bride was doing back-bends in the parking lot.
Gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: urzzz
Categories: California | Etiquette | Gossip | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Been Disgruntled Ever Since Discovering I'm a Bottom.
Fat guy: Sorry I'm late. Mr. Sphincter isn't being very co-operative today.
Nova Cafe
Dunedin
New Zealand
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Etiquette | Euphemisms | Fat people | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Zealand | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Concerns Me When You Talk About Yourself in the Third Person, Mrs. Smith
Old teacher, about middle school student: Johnny's fine until he has an audience. Then he gets all gang-bangy and tries to screw Mrs. Smith.
Young teacher: Please don't ever say that again.
Restaurant
Redlands, California
Categories: Assholes | California | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Gossip | Grumpies | Guys | Restaurants | Sexuality | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, You're Preaching to the Choir
Student: She thinks she's so good. She was probably the only soprano in her high school, so she was automatically the best. Or maybe she went to a school for like, people with severe burns. She was the best in the burn victim ward.
Westminster Choir College
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Gaby Young
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Health & Hygiene | Music | New Jersey | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Take a Bite of This Apple
Boy: I believe in waiting until marriage.
Girl: That's funny, cause I believe in you fucking my brains out.
Bryn Mawr College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Bimbettes | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Religion | Religious fanatics | Sex | Students | Wishes | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A+
Male art student in response to female art student's sculpture: It's really kind of mortifyingly vaginal.
Allegheny College
Meadville Pennsylvania
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Euphemisms | Feelings | Guys | Hipsters | Pennsylvania | Students | Vagina | Words | Posted 2008-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Gonna Write Off This Ride As an Educational Expense
WASPy college student to cab driver: You're absolutely right, sir. A curse upon the Saudis.
eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Gay Men Can't Drink Coffee? That's Crazy.
Crazy homeless lady to well-dressed businessman: Look at you with the coffee, you faggot, you just love dick in your ass!
Starbucks
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: trying to avoid her wrath
Categories: Ass | Backdoor | Bag ladies | Bars & Clubs | Character | Crazies | Default | Etiquette | Insults | Penis | San Francisco | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even We Winced at This One
Man #1: So she looks up at me with this, look, right? And she grips my dick real hard and then gets this terrified look as she picks it off on my pubes...
Man #2: Oh, dude, I'm gonna vomit.
Man #1: It was a fucking dingleberry. And it wasn't mine, dude.
Gym
Oregon
If You're Really Bad, I'll Make You Go in the Ball Pit
Angry father, to young daughter: Do you wanna go to Chuck E. Cheese?
Daughter: [scared silence]
Father: Then stop touching shit!
Wal-Mart
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Molly BOOM
But Apparently That's Not How Job Interviews Work
Girl walking to bus stop drunk: I just wanted to walk in, get groped and leave.
Pheasant Run
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Brandon Call
Or A-Rod's Rod
Obnoxious 20-something chick: We went to a Yankees game and had the worst seats ever. We didn't even see Derek Jeter's ass! ... Or anyone's ass.
IHOP
Green Bay, Wisconsin
Jacoby & Meyers?
Tween: I mean, who just calls to say, how are you, I hear you got punched in the face?
Mom: Totally...
San Diego, California
Overheard by: SaraSmile
Well, That Self-Actualization Seminar Was a Bust
Nine year-old girl: I want that shirt and you are going to get it for me. Any questions?
Mom: Many. Shut up and put the damn shirt back.
Target
Atlanta, Georgia
Can You Even Use "Oxygen" As a Verb Like That?
Male flight attendant: ... And if you brought more than two children with you today, decide which your favorite is and oxygen that one first.
Southwest Airlines Flight #135
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Family ties | Flight attendants | Guys | Jerks | Offspring | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Always a Burning Question
Sensitive soul: Why would I fuck you if you have a rash?
Dining Hall, Stony Brook University
Stony Brook, New York
Overheard by: Slightly amused but scared
Well, You're Not Gonna Turn Kids Off Sex with the Truth!
Health teacher: Man, you girls these days! Wanting to have all the wrong kinds of fun... You know what, if a vagina was used by 15 different people, that vagina would probably be as wide as this door!
McNair Academic High School
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Default | Education | Etiquette | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Teachers | Vagina | Posted 2008-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But the Make-a-Wish People Laughed at Me
Drunk guy to two girls: No, really! My ultimate fantasy is to have sex with a ridiculously hot girl while you two are on the futon eating cheetos!
Aburn University
Auburn, Alabama
...Through Binoculars.
Music History prof taking roll: Jane Smith?
Jane: Here.
Prof: Oh, there you are. I'm just used to seeing you from behind.
Hartford, Connecticut
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Creepsters | Default | Education | Etiquette | Girls | Names | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Difference between Boys and Girls
Guy to girlfriend: My dick is aching for your vagina.
Girl: I missed you too.
Barista cafe
Mumbai
India
Overheard by: mehr
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compliments | Default | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | India | Penis | Relationships | Sex | Vagina | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kendra Wilkinson's Major Life Accomplishment
Preppy girl on cell: the longest amount of time I've had pubic hair is three days.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: kt
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Gender issues | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | On the phone | Preppies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Shaving | Teens | Vagina | Posted 2008-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Had a Dream About It.
Thug on cell: Fuck off, man. Don't even try arguing with me. I'm a fucking expert on this shit. I wikipedia-ed it last night.
Carousel Mall
Syracuse, New York
I'm Not Saying Your Assessment of Thomas Jefferson Is Wrong...
Student: Maybe he's gay for the snake.
Teacher: Did you just say "gay for the snake"?!
Pleasantville High School
Pleasantville, New York
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Default | Etiquette | Euphemisms | New York | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, You're the Experienced Pet-Sitter!
Cashier on cell phone: I mean... What's the problem? Ejaculating? Is he ejaculating too much or too little? Which is the problem?
Shoprite
New Jersey
Overheard by: allison
Categories: Cum | Default | Employees | Etiquette | Gripes | New Jersey | On the phone | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least He's Stopped Talking About His Turds.
Bitter guy: Girls don't care about men, so I can't relate to them. And men only care about sports, food, video games, and women. I do like to eat, but I hate women. I don't like sports at all, and I'm soooo good at video games that other people can't play with me because I am just too awesome.
Girl sitting at the table with him: Yeah...
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Etiquette | Feelings | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Idiots | Massachusetts | Pride | Sexuality | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Heimliched Me from Behind and Just Kept Going
Girl in car, while on cell phone: I was coughing because I was eating a cookie while trying to have sex!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Squid
Good to Meet a Gentleman Of the Old School
Dude: Hey I'm Eddie*.
Chick: Yeah, I know. I'm Lauren*. We've met before.
Dude: Oh. Yeah. Well I just thought we should know each other's name since we're talking about anal.
The Beta Bar
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: just here for the show
Categories: Backdoor | Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Default | Etiquette | Florida | Guys | Names | Relationships | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's This Irrational Fear of Joan of Arc?
Man on cell: I wouldn't worry about her though, she's dead.
Newark airport
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: catherine
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Death & dying | Default | Etiquette | Feelings | Guys | New Jersey | On the phone | Posted 2008-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...You're My Mom and I'll Always Love You.
Guy talking too loudly on cell phone: Honestly, if you took a dump and smeared it all over my chest, you know, in my face and all that, I?d be fine. Actually I might not, thats pretty extreme, but you know...
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Body parts | Cleanliness | Default | Etiquette | Feelings | Guys | On the phone | Overheard at UMBC | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Are Currently in Place
Well-dressed man to female companion, in crowded tasting room: Did you remember the dildo?
Elegant lady companion: Yes, I brought both of them.
Napa Valley wine Auction
St. Helena, California
Categories: California | Couples | Default | Etiquette | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Suits | Toys | Women | Posted 2008-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Told You Not to Call Me at Work, Grandma
Salesclerk: Your total is $1.81. [Into her cellphone.] Don't worry, girl, I am listening to yo' hideous self!
Lawrence, Kansas
Overheard by: kerblammerz
Translation: My Kids Are Greedy Little Assholes
Little girl with mother: My birthday's coming up soon, so I don't want to get anything for me.
Woman in opposite aisle: There is no way that child is human.
CVS
Houston, Texas
Categories: Etiquette | Glad the condom broke | Gossip | Strangers | Texas | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Long As She Promises to Balance the Ball on Her Nose
Emo girl: Hey, when we get home we should totally creep up on my sister and scare her.
Emo guy: I'm not scaring your sister. I already made a bad first impression on her.
Emo girl: Don't worry, she won't care. Seriously.
Emo guy: Look, I'll throw a fish at her, but I'm not scaring her, okay?
Emo girl: Okay.
610 bus to Nambour
Australia
Overheard by: Aidan
He Was Badly Burned in the Ensuing Explosion
Girl, about guy she had over the previous night: It freaked me out. I told him he had to do a double flush, a courtesy flush, and light a match, or he wasn't allowed back.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Chicks | Eavesdrop DC | Etiquette | Gripes | Posted 2007-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and "Stop Peeing on My Foot."
Thug: Damn, mami -- look at them curves on you!
Ethnic chick: Sorry, boys, I have an arranged marriage. I'm kind of tied down to my fiancé [shows ring].
Thug: Come on, mami, let us sit down.
Blonde sorority girl #1: Sorry, gentlemen, we're just trying to eat our food here. God bless. [Thugs look at her awkwardly and walk away.]
Blonde sorority girl #2, very confused: Why did you just say 'God bless' to them?
Blonde sorority girl #1: What? It's what you say to homeless people.
Leo's Coney Island
Birmingham, Michigan
Overheard by: Jamie
Then I Gave You a Carrot and Brushed Your Hair
Girl #1: Well, did you at least say thank you for the ride?
Girl #2, looking at #3: Well, you rode me. What do you say?
Girl #3: I enjoyed the ride!
Central Washington University
Ellensburg, Washington
Categories: Chicks | Etiquette | Washington | Posted 2007-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Long As You Don't Ew My Goo
Chick #1, about grape Vitamin Water: Ewww! You're actually going to drink pink water?
Chick #2: Hey, man, don't yuck my yum!
Beat Book Store
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: tell it like it is
By the Bondage Fairies, in Particular
Man browsing anime collection: [Sneezes.]
Bystander: God bless you.
Man browsing anime collection: Yes, yes, I am blessed.
Newbury Comics, Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: sinner
Categories: Etiquette | Massachusetts | Strangers | Posted 2007-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Cardinal of Contempt? The Deacon of Disdain?
Wife: Honey, be nice...
Husband: No, I refuse to be nice. It's against my religion.
Wife: Oh, sure, you should get your own title... Archbishop of Jackass.
Home Depot
Rancho Cucamonga, California
Categories: California | Couples | Etiquette | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2007-11-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember Those Manners We Talked About? Use 'Em!
Mom to little kid: Shhh! She can't help it if she's fat!
Wal-Mart
Tucson, Arizona
How to Get Your Parents Arrested
Little girl, repeatedly: Bow-chicka-wow-wow!
Barnes & Noble
Melbourne, Florida
Except by Individual Arrangement
Conductor: I don't wee in your house, so you don't wee in my station.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Conductors | Etiquette | Overheard in London's Journal | Posted 2007-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Same to You, with the Herpes and Fruit Flies
Chick on cell: Okay, good luck with the bees and good luck with the scoliosis.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Categories: Etiquette | On the phone | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
