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Um, Why Does Your Sippy Cup Smell Like Martini?
Two-year-old, holding plastic dinosaur up to ear: Uh-huh, mommy, it's been a really hard day.
Teacher: It's been a hard day, huh?
Two-year-old: Excuse me, I'm on the phone!
Preschool
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
I'll Put Them on Ice for You 'til After the Exam
Guy to another: Dude, just study your nuts off and you'll be fine.
Binghamton University
New York
In Spain They Speak Spainish
Mom doing magazine quiz to teenage sons: Spanish can't be one of the world's top languages. The only Spanish-speaking country is Mexico.
Cincinnati, Ohio
And the DMV's the Perfect Place to Discuss My Sex Drive
Girl #1: Oh! Did I tell you about the threesome I had with the married couple on the cruise ship?
Girl #2, gesturing at a father and young son sitting directly in front of them: Shhh!
Girl #1: Whatever, he needs to learn.
DMV
Walnut Creek, California
Overheard by: Shh!
One Way Or Another, I'm Getting Laid in College
Student in English class: Does anyone know the difference between romantic poems with a capital R and lowercase r?
Reston, Virginia
Categories: Education | Offers and requests | Students | Stupidity | Virginia | Posted 2011-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Don't You Start and I'll Go Out for a Cigarette Break
Student #1: There are an infinite number of answers?!
AP calc teacher: Yeah, there are.
Student #2: Do you want us to write them all down?
High School
Boiceville, New York
Overheard by: Toasted
Why Wouldn't Pot Be Microwaveable?
Crazy old woman to teenagers: I just learned something today. The Native Americans had microwaveable pot!
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: shay
Categories: Education | History | Massachusetts | Technology | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2011-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meanwhile, I'm at Community College on a Ping Pong Scholarship
Drunk girl: I have two sisters. One goes to UPenn, she's really smart. The other one goes to Drexel, she's not very smart...
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
Categories: Compliments | Drunks | Education | Family ties | Girls | Pennsylvania | Posted 2011-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Get Your Stomach Pumped, You Can Write All About That in Your Essay
Girl to guy: You shouldn't be worried about getting into med school. You should be, like, worried about getting alcohol poisoning over the weekend.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: Brent
Categories: Advice | Drinking & drunks | Education | Girls | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2011-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Times Are Tough in Michigan, Dear Reader
Architect, describing high school renovations to student body: And these will be new bathrooms.
Boy: Fuck yeah! New bathrooms!
(thunderous applause)
St. Joseph, Michigan
Was College Ever About Learning?
Lecturer, about exam questions: I mislead you on purpose. I have to get some sense of perverse pleasure out of designing these questions. I sit at home going "aahahahahahaa!" (rubs hands gleefully)
Irish Culture Lecture
University of Zurich
Switzerland
After I Spent All That Time Photoshopping That Dick Into a Pacifier
Freshman girl: Well, like, this was from like 2 am the day it was due. I mean, the first one I submitted was of me with a pacifier in my mouth, and they told me it was inappropriate at the last minute. I mean, like, why couldn't they have told me that in January when I submitted it?
University
Connecticut
Overheard by: You really needed to be told?
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Girls | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Me Give You the List Of Questions Now
Student, after class spent 25 minutes arguing answers to midterm: I have a question. Not about this test, but about future tests.
Professor, wearily: I think the final will just be take-home.
Class: Really?
Professor: Whatever.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Education | Fears | Pennsylvania | Questions | Students | Posted 2011-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's One Poking Out Of Jane's Skirt Now!
Prof: Life is a game of chance. There may not be a tomorrow. Or, it may not be the tomorrow you expect. You might go home tonight and die. Or you might go home tonight and have a baby!
Carelton University
Ottawa
Canadia
Overheard by: if i gave birth tonight, my biggest concern would be how my pregnancy went undetected for nine months.
Categories: Canadia | Death & dying | Education | Offspring | Philosophy | Teachers | Posted 2011-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Might Not Make Sense, But Just Beer with Me...
Spanish teacher: "Corona" means "crown," but mainly it means "Corona."
High School
Calgary
Canadia
...Cultured
English teacher, on how language features are used in advertisements: So in the end, this advertisement is making all the single women of the world think "hello? I wanna be like the yoghurt!"
English Class
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Education | New Zealand | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2011-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Plan That Cannot Possibly Fail
Student: Did you know that you can live off of student loans?
Professor: No, you can't.
Student: Yeah. All you do is just keep going back to school, and they'll pay for everything.
Professor: But eventually you'll have to pay them back.
Student: Not if you die.
Nicholls State University
Louisiana
You Only Think Threesomes Are Exciting, 'til You Encounter One.
Bearded man, teaching math: ...which is gonna give you nine over nine over four, which is horribly ugly. Does that terrify you greatly? It should.
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Akuaku
But, in the Future, Please Confine Your Questions to Topics in English Literature
Professor: And so in REM sleep you'll get penile erection and vaginal lubrication. You know, the fun stuff. (class laughs) Well, your eyes aren't the only things that are moving!
York University
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: studious student
I Thought You Said Your Family Was Functional?
Math professor #1: Don't derive like my brother.
Math professor #2: No, don't derive like my brother!
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: TARDIS Dyke
Categories: Advice | Education | Family ties | Massachusetts | Teachers | Posted 2011-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Reruns Of House *Count* As "Research," Right?
Drunk girl: I teach! I teach AP bio kids. They ask so many smart questions. (thoughtful pause) I make things up all the time.
Friend: You make things up??
Drunk girl: I just say "according to my research." (shrugs, laughs hysterically)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bragging | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Education | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2011-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hope to Graduate Magma Cum Laude
Teacher: That would make such a great scene in a movie: A volcano smoking, then it erupts, and thousands of ninjas spout out of it and run forth and populate the earth!
Student: This is the best class ever!
Memphis, Tennessee
Dan Brown Has Much to Answer For
Tour guide, showing statue of Athena to students: Does anybody know who that is?
Student: Abraham Lincoln.
Berkeley, California
Categories: California | Education | Employees | History | Questions | Posted 2011-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Utah Produces Only Two Kinds Of Girls
Girl #1: Wait, you said no?! Did you know he's pre-med?
Girl #2: Yeah, but I don't really like him.
Girl #1: So?
Orem, Utah
That's Not a Nice Way to Talk About the Bravo Network.
Eight-year-old boy to eight-year-old girl: You have to go to college! Otherwise you'll have to work in the poop factory!
Eight-year-old girl: There's no such thing as the poop factory!
Six-year-old brother: Yes there is! Remember?
Portland, Oregon
Worst. Midterm. Ever.
Humanities prof: Where were we? (pause) Dead babies!
Murray State University
Kentucky
Categories: Death & dying | Education | Kentucky | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tyra Banks, During Every Taping Of America's Next Top Model, Encapsulated.
Black professor: Actually, it wasn't neither... Excuse me, I had an Ebonics moment. Please forgive me.
Millsaps College
Jackson, Mississippi
Categories: Education | Language barrier | Mississippi | Stupidity | Teachers | Words | Posted 2011-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Trust Me
Student: The trophoblast looks like a teething ring!
Sex ed teacher: Yes. It looks like a teething ring, but it's not.
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Akuaku
Save That for Therapy.
Five-year-old girl to hair brush: Mommy doesn't want me to buy you or to talk to you... That makes me sad.
Embarrassed mom: Come on sweetie, let's go home.
(kid keeps talking to hair brush, mom yanks it away)
Mom, leaving store: Now is not the time to talk to hair brushes!
North Carolina
Overheard by: Wondering why mom was embarrassed
Categories: Education | Feelings | Kids | Mental illnesses | Moms | North Carolina | Parenting | Posted 2011-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Anyone Was Like Jesus, It Was Trotsky
Freshman: My professor just compared Karl Marx to Jesus. I am not feeling it.
Claremont Colleges
Claremont, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Education | Feelings | Pop culture | Students | Posted 2011-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Same Way I Learned Massage Therapy
Dude #1: I'm a massage therapist and an electrician.
Dude #2: Oh yeah? Did you go to school to learn how to be an electrician?
Dude #1: Naw, I hooked up with this guy who had been doing it for four years and owned a five million dollar house. He just handed me a drill and told me to go for it.
Petaluma, California
Overheard by: lith
I'm Beginning to Regret Taking You to Therapy.
Little girl trying on boots: Mom, can I get them?
Mom: Yes, but you have to take them off.
Little girl: Will you help me?
Mom: No, if you don't know how to take your own shoes off by now, I've done something very wrong.
Little girl, in low voice, taking boots off: ...you have.
Target
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Rachel
Surpised, but Not Offended
English poetry professor: Would you be offended if I hanged myself right now?
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: awesomepossum
Categories: Canadia | Death & dying | Education | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2011-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That They're Ladies
Econ professor: Now, if you'll look to the upper-right corner of the handout, you'll see some pretty ladies. Since this handout is somewhat blurry, you can't see them very well, so you'll just have to take my word that they're pretty.
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
That's How Studying Is Done, Right?
Frat dude to another: I'm going to the library and I'm going to study my little nipples off.
University of Colorado
Overheard by: OMH
Categories: Colorado | Education | Frat boy types | Nipples | Weirdness | Posted 2011-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sesame Street Has Really Diversified Its Curriculum
Guy: It was mostly about fucking goats, but I also learned a lot about libel law.
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Nick
Why Can't My Brother and I Be This Close?
Five-year-old girl: I farted on you, again.
Five-year-old brother: I don't care.
Shoreline, Washington
Categories: Burping & farting | Education | Kids | Kids | Washington | Posted 2010-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are Guys So Afraid Of Making a Full Colon Committment?
Bearded guy: So, I've been really getting into, like, semicolons.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Education | Guys | Philosophy | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Since I Realized I Can Get My Legs Behind My Head
College girl: You would be amazed by what I can do with the English language.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: and what else can you do?
Categories: Bragging | Education | Overheard in Minneapolis | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2010-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And, to Be Fair, I Borrowed Them from Some Girl on the Bus
Girl #1: So, I wore your underwear the other day.
Girl #2: Well, at least they were clean. I just washed them.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: mitch
Categories: Education | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Undies | Posted 2010-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Just Check It Out on Your Sex Blog
Little girl: What color is your bed?
Patient babysitter: Blue.
Little girl: What color is your bathroom?
Patient babysitter: Red.
Little girl: What color is your underwear?
Patient babysitter: Sweetie, I'm not telling you that!
Little girl: That's okay, I'll see it when you bend over.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Babysitters | Clothes | Education | Kids | Questions | Washington | Posted 2010-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Isn't That Why I'm Here?
Cheerful student: Cheer up! It's going to be okay.
Glum professor: Says who? You?
Cheerful student: Yes!
Glum professor: But you don't know anything.
Cheerful student: True!
UC Berkeley School of Journalism
California
Your Assignment: Fill That Cavity
Sex ed teacher, drawing something in red marker: It looks like a tooth, but... (continues drawing) ...it's supposed to be a uterus!
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Aku
Categories: Education | Health & Hygiene | Teachers | Uterus | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Towelie Encounters Problems in College
Guy #1: Hey dude, I was super stoned last night when I studied for this sociology test. I totally understood it and it all made sense.
Guy #2: Damn. I should try that.
Guy #1: No, dude, cause now I can't remember what I read.
University Of Minnesota
Duluth, Minnesota
...No Offense If Your Parents Are in Prison, Keisha.
Feminist student, about discussion: No, this is completely wrong! We shouldn't be congratulating men for not having affairs!
Teacher: Yes, that's exactly right! I mean, it's like when we congratulate black people for staying out of prison!
(stunned silence)
Kendrick School
Columbus, Georgia
Overheard by: MJH
...Now Who Wants to Play "Hang the Sock"??
High school student: People are often uncomfortable when they're naked...
Male professor: Now, that's just not true, because I'm never uncomfortable when I'm naked, and you wanna know why? Because whenever I am naked, fun ensues.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Bringing it back to you | Creepsters | Education | North Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2010-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Just Pops Out
Law student: She just gets all boner-fied about civil procedure.
Mississippi College School of Law
What Is This, Degrassi?
Female student: Uh... I think we left off on the hymen.
Sex ed teacher: Oh, we're going there.
Janesville, Wisconsin
What Happens When You Only Let Your Kids Read ee cummings
Girl #1: Oh my god! At work today, the kids had to write stories and they are the worst writers ever! One kid had an entire paragraph with no periods, and a bunch of them were capitalizing days of the week and stuff. It was awful.
Girl #2: You're supposed to capitalize days of the week.
Girl #1, in embarrassed awe: No! You're kidding, right? I told them they weren't supposed to...
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: lauren
Categories: Compare and contrast | Education | Girls | Kids | Overheard in PDX | Stupidity | Posted 2010-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I Just Drew a Bunch Of Unicorns on the Test Paper and Handed It In
Girl on cell: They had Greenland and Iceland on the test. (pause) Yeah, apparently they're two different things. (pause) I dunno, Greenland is the cold one, or something. (pause) Yeah, I think it was unfair, too.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Ginger
Categories: Education | Geography | Girls | Massachusetts | On the phone | Stupidity | Weather | Weirdness | Posted 2010-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since Daddy Officially Took the T-Bird Away
Boy: Let's play Heads Up, Seven Up!
Girl #1: Let's play Around the World!
Girl #2: Let's play Mum Ball!
Boy: Let's all play Strip Solitaire!
Teacher: I told you: there's no fun allowed in here!
Penn Yan Academy
New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
Categories: Education | Girls | Guys | New York | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And, in Our Lab Session, We'll Demonstrate It.
Professor: And tomorrow, we'll talk about the suck knob.
University of Hartford
Connecticut
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Education | Sensory experiences | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...On Local Dining Options.
Ditzy college girl, interrupting class: Do you live in Penn Yan?
Professor: No, I live on Bluff Point.
Ditzy college girl: Oh... Did you know that Sarassin's delivers?
Professor: No, I didn't, but do you mind if I get back to my lecture?
Keuka College
New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | New York | Questions | Sorority types | Teachers | Posted 2010-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But She Once Wore a Paper Sombrero and Sang "La Bamba" at the School Pageant
Native American girl: Yeah, when I was in kindergarten, I was the only Mexican in class. Well, except for Reema. She's Lebanese.
High School
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Education | Geography | Girls | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2010-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Ever Felt the Stinging Shame Of a Violin Bow on Your Behind?
High school girl #1: I hate how everyone judges you based on your grades.
High school girl #2: What?
High school girl #3: Well, okay. By "everyone," I mean Asians.
Walter Johnson High School
Maryland
To Be Fair, at Least She Won't Be a Cop.
Fat female student: I'm thirty-eight years old with a criminal justice degree, and I still can't find nothin' to do in this valley. Nobody's hirin', nothin'.
Skinny female student: Couldn't you just be a cop?
Fat female student: I can't be a cop. They give me a badge an' a gun, I'd be shootin' at fags and wetbacks. I mean, in this day in age... Not to be rude or anything...
Bookstore
West Virginia University
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Education | Fat people | Jobs & Careers | Skinny people | Students | Violence | West Virginia | Posted 2010-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With My Hand Down My Pants Like This.
English teacher to class: Apostrophes and semicolons really turn me on.
Class: (horrified silence)
English teacher, to self: Maybe I shouldn't have said that.
High School
Wisconsin
And Just a Heads Up That Your Grades Will All Suck
Professor: We are going to talk about tea rooms. Which involve no tea. Unless by "tea," you mean "cock."
Columbus,Ohio
Overheard by: Em
Also a Major Problem at Chimpanzee Schools
Teacher to girl picking lint off her boobs: Pay attention, please.
Girl: I can't! I'm cleaning!
Potomac, Maryland
For Good Teachers, Even Stupid Arguments Beat Silence
Tutor to quiet class: Are you normally this talkative? (silence) Rightie-o, then. You know, when I went to university I practically didn't say a word for four years. It was good.
University of Western Sydney
Australia
So, Regardless, We're Going Green.
Student, as professor walks into classroom: Tomorrow's Earth Day!
Professor: Yesterday was 4/20!
Classroom, College of Marin
Marin County, California
B-
Fine arts teacher: Michelangelo and Donatello. They were both brilliant, they were both homosexual, they were both... Both...
Girl: Ninja turtles!
Ohio
All Teachers Want Is to Fit in
Student: Hey bruh, can I ansuh?!
Teacher: Yeah, sure... Wait, what did you call me?
Student: Bruh?
Teacher, grining: That made my day!
Nashville, Tennessee
Rhode Island's a Very Small State, Dear Reader
Girl, waiting for Italian professor: How can she know Italian well enough to teach it when she can't even speak English that well?
Rhode Island
Overheard by: Doesn't Speak Italian
Categories: Education | Girls | Language barrier | Questions | Rhode Island | Posted 2010-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mary Kay Letourneau Always Knew What She Wanted
Kid: Woah, you just blew my mind!
Teacher: That's not all I'll blow.
High School
Pennsylvania
Categories: BJs | Education | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Apparently You're Not the Only One Who Wants to Know
Tall girlfriend: Where did Batman go to college?
Tall boyfriend: That may be the best question ever asked.
Target
Milford, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Couples | Education | Pop culture | Questions | Stores | Posted 2010-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or More Accurately, Not Having Sex With White Girls
White student #1: Yeah, it's a good thing I'm not going to that preppy high school anymore.
White student #2: Yeah, I agree.
White student #3: You'd probably still be having sex with white girls.
Deerfield Beach High School
Florida
Competition for Upper Class Twit Of the Year Heats Up
Skinny ginger guy: Oh, don't over-egg the omelet!
Gorgeous girl: Uh... Omelets are mainly made of egg...?
Skinny ginger guy: Just because you wear glasses and go to university you think you're so smart. Well you're not. Because you're a girl! Nerrrrrrrrr!
Nottingham
England
Overheard by: Concerned_citizen
Categories: Comebacks | Education | England | Food | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Skinny people | Posted 2010-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Get Me Some Of That Time-Travel Pussy
Law student: I can't wait for the future, man... I'm going to specialize in time travel law!
St. Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: Minneapolitan
Categories: Education | Minnesota | Students | Time Management | Posted 2010-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Probably Time for Another Field Trip
Teacher: So what gets left behind when sea water evaporates?
Student: Fishies!
Melbourne
Australia
It Keeps Me from Biting Myself
Teacher, about Thoreau: Who's heard about the cone of silence?
Kid: I know about the cone of shame!
Concord Museum
Concord, Massachusetts
Categories: Education | Kids | Massachusetts | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2010-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See? You're Obviously a New Yorker!
Nigerian guy, joking: Ha ha! Yeah, it's probably because I am black, hey.
American girl: Oh my god, you can't say that! You have to say "African-American."
Nigerian guy: But I'm not African-American; I'm Nigerian. I suppose you could say "African"?
American girl: No, look, we learned it in elementary school! It's "African-American"!
Nigerian guy: Okay... So you're Scandinavian, by that rationale.
American girl: No, I'm American! You're African-American!
English guy: Please shut the fuck up.
Cambridge
England
Overheard by: TopCat
Granted, We Learned About the Teacher's Sex Life...
Teen girl #1: How was econ today?
Teen girl #2, indignantly: We actually learned something, I was so bummed...
Beverly Hills High School
Beverly Hills, California
Overheard by: zen
Categories: California | Education | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2010-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Was a One-time Political Statement.
Girl #1: Did you finish your French project?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Did you puke on it?
Girl #2: No, not this time.
Laguna Hills, California
Categories: California | Education | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on The Real Single Moms Of New Jersey
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: C'mon, honey, you'll like it!
Tearful four-year-old boy: I don't wanna!
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: Everyone loves the beer store! (pulls boy into beer kiosk)
Collingswood Auction
Farmingdale, New Jersey
Overheard by: not EVERYONE
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You See Nothing Wrong with This Logic
Old Scottish professor in mid lecture: There happened to be something wrong with the quality of the product from the plant in Belgium, and the company response was: "well, of course you're getting sick, you live in Belgium. What a stupid place to live."
Medford, Massachusetts
...Because Most Of You Got That Wrong on the Midterm.
US History professor, angrily: I don't put up stuff on the overhead for me to masturbate to! I do that at home. Pay attention!
Georgia State University
Overheard by: Kat
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Georgia | Masturbation | Teachers | Posted 2010-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Know-- Are You Thinking Of Asking Me to Prom?
Sane-looking girl: Okay, so let's say that your boyfriend died a while back, right? Then he comes back as a zombie, like a real walking corpse. But he doesn't want to eat your brains or anything, he just wants to graduate high school and be your boyfriend again so he can go to prom with you. So, do you take him back?
Boy: Um... Has this actually happened to you?
High School Cafeteria
West Virginia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Death & dying | Education | Girls | Guys | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | West Virginia | Wishes | Zombies | Posted 2010-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Kids from Band Camp End Up: Explained.
Female violinist, after conductor walks past: Do you ever want to slap Dr. Muller*'s ass? Cause I almost just did.
Female cellist: He has a doctorate in orchestral conducting.
Female violinist: And an ass I want to tap right now.
College Orchestra Tour Bus
Clive, Iowa
Why "Special" Classes Exist.
Teacher: Why are you guys talking back there?
Student: Oh, Roy*'s just talking to his eraser.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Education | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is This Sexual Harassment? Discuss.
Male English teacher to female student: You know, for the last 30 minutes I've been thinking of... The holy city that is your face.
High School
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: ShouldThisBeReported?
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Education | Georgia | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, When You Go to Work You're Totally Gonna Shit
High school freshman #1: Sometimes I wish I didn't live somewhere so industrialized. Why can't I live somewhere where people are hunters and gatherers?
High school freshman #2: I know, we waste so much time in school getting an "education." I could learn so much more out in the world.
High school freshman #1: Yeah, and I don't understand why people go to work and shit.
Train Station
Chicago, Illinois
Why Does Everyone Keep Telling Me That?
Guy with soul patch: Don't German people always drive at 200 miles an hour all the time?
Girl in front row, sarcastically: I think you mean 200 kilometers per hour.
Guy with soul patch: It doesn't matter, they're the same thing!
Professor, calmly: If I go crazy and start a killing spree, you'll be the first one I get.
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Education | Stupidity | Teachers | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2010-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is Long Island, Bitch!
Composition professor: So, by the way, this is how your do the top of the paper--title, dash, name, just like this paper here. I don't want a four-page paper which is three and a half pages long, with a half-page heading.
Student: But it's standard MLA citation practice for that heading to be like that.
Professor: Fuck MLA.
Hofstra University
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: I hate MLA
It's Like Using Sarcasm on a Child, Right?
Father to son spending too long to wipe off boo boo with blankie: Do you know the definition of insanity?
Four-year-old son: Yes.
Mount Vernon, New York
Um, That's a Magic Eye Picture.
Architecture tutor critiquing students' poster: When you look at it, it starts making some irrational type of sense.
Unitec Polytech
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Education | New Zealand | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Guessing IT Teachers Hear This Joke a Lot
IT teacher: So if the CPU usage is really high, choose "end process tree" to kill the process.
Student in back, mumbling: That's what she said...
IT teacher: Damn right that's what she said!
Waterloo
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Sunny
Categories: Canadia | Education | Teachers | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was Lovely Talking to You
Grad student #1, receiving a detailed explanation of the theory of evolution: Well, you seem to know much more about the subject than I do...
Grad student #2: I have creationist parents.
Oxford
England
Categories: Compare and contrast | Education | England | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Day Bernice Wet Her Desk
Professor, eyeing student in class: Watch out, snuggie-girl. I'm on to you!
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Why the Taliban Exists
Teacher: From an evolutionary perspective, what do you have more time to do if you don't need to find a mate?
Female student: Build an army!
South Eugene High School
Eugene, Oregon
Though Usually I'm Being Flogged at the Time
Student to teacher who just made a mistake finger-spelling on board: Finger!
Teacher, erasing board: If I had a nickel every time someone said that to me.
Hampden, Maine
Categories: Body parts | Education | Maine | Masturbation | Sex | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2010-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Wharnk?
Irritated English professor: I think I'm just going to change all my paper assignments to "create an inscrutable utterance."
Ursinus College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Words | Posted 2010-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Wear Pajamas With Feet!
Guy #1: I'm going to study all night!
Guy #2: Yeah, I'll come too.
Guy #1: No, man... You're too weak.
Wayne State University
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Guys | Michigan | Posted 2010-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Sex-Positive Feminism Exists.
Girl: I haven't been on a stage since grammar school. Having sex on a stage is so much better than quoting Susan B. Anthony.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Bimbettes | Compare and contrast | Education | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Cats
Student on bike to another: The problem with string theory nowadays is that everyone just wants to get into it.
Cambridge
England
Overheard by: Anti-Math
See, This Is Why I Came Here
Girl: Wow! Einstein was like really smart!
Astronomy Class
UCSC, California
Overheard by: Eric
...So Everyone Got That Wrong on the Quiz.
Professor: To shake hands you have to make sure the wedge of your hand fits in the other person's wedge, and that your skin touches, and then give it a good two or three pumps.
London
Ontario
Canadia
Or Tigger or Eeyore
Lecturer: No, seriously! I promise I won't talk about poo next week!
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: ellie.
Exactly.
Communications major: What the hell is a palindrome?
English major: No, it isn't.
California State University
Fullerton, California
Overheard by: SixPackReich
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Coworkers | Education | Words | Posted 2010-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Plus Side, We Got Free Flavored Condoms!
Doting, nervous mom: Honey! How was your first day of kindergarten?
Blond little boy, sounding disappointed: My teacher is really thrilled about safety.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: does that mean scissor juggling is out?
Categories: Education | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2010-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Frankly, You Should Be More Worried About That Burrito
Five-year-old girl to ten-year-old sister: I don't know what you're so worried about. As long as it's not you who throws the first punch, the principal won't yell at you. That's always what happens with me.
Taco Bell
Plainview, New York
Overheard by: Tina
Categories: Education | Kids | New York | Restaurants | Violence | Posted 2010-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Usually I'm Able to Draw a Whole Unicorn Galaxy
Girl: I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't do anything. All I could do in my last class was draw a unicorn!
Emory University
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Christina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Georgia | Girls | Stupidity | Posted 2010-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Believe Fingerpainting and Paste-Eating Are Down the Hall
Dumb blonde: Wait, wasn't Columbus the first president? That's why we have Columbus day!
Professor, calmly: Get out, please.
University of Michigan
Overheard by: getout
Like Medical Marijuana
16-year-old girl #1: What's Zionism?
16-year-old girl #2: The belief that Jewish people should be able to have a homeland in Israel, I think.
16-year-old girl #1: So it's like a religion?
16-year-old girl #2: No, it's a political movement.
16-year-old girl #1: Wait, so it's a religion?
Sacramento, California
Sentence Fragments Baaaad!
Professor: I want to please you... Not with goats, but with sentences.
Greek Class
UCLA, California
Overheard by: shepherd
Categories: Animals | California | Class | Colleges & Universities | Education | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Isn't This Fun?
Little girl, excitedly building snowman: Mommy, look, look! This could be his hat!
Mother: No, Shelly.
Little girl, dejectedly: But mommy...
Mother, exasperated: No! It's not even proportionate to the snowman!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Only in Boston...
Weirdest Episode Of Sesame Street *Ever*
30-something black man on cell: I don't know if I'll finish in time, but I think I can still make it work.
20-something black guy walking past: It's "ain't". As in "I ain't gonna get this shit done, so fuck all y'all!" Damn! You talkin' like a fool, brotha. (shakes head)
Savannah, Georgia
Categories: Black people | Education | Georgia | On the phone | Race | Words | Posted 2010-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Peristalsis? Beyonce? Linoleum?
Teacher: Okay. Quick review: which Greek gods did we cover on Friday?
Student, seriously: Hermaphrodite? Herpes? Asbestos?
High School
Michigan
No Easy Feat, Considering It Was Sauce from a Domino's Pizza.
Dude on cell, excitedly: Yeah, dude. Everything. We even learned how to make food out of pizza sauce!
University of Memphis
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: Miss Behaved
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Food | Guys | Tennessee | Posted 2010-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"History in a Nutshell" Was the Most Popular Course at York
Guy: Cause, like, Stalin was a pretty crazy dude, right?
York University
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Just don't call me dude
...Ain't That a Bitch?
Professor, sighing: Every computer program has its glitches. This one certainly has a glitch, and the glitch is me.
Maine College of Art
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Misaki
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Maine | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2010-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Sure Those Of You in Sororities Know Exactly What I'm Talking About
Professor: In the work-a-day world we work a lot through our mouth.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Categories: Education | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | Mouth | Teachers | Posted 2010-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Somebody Wants to Go to College
Teacher to chatty class: Everyone, quiet, we have to go over this!
(class continues chatting)
Guy in the back: I will kill you all.
(class falls silent)
High School
Chesapeake, Virginia
Categories: Education | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Threats | Thugs | Virginia | Posted 2010-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then He Sneezed and We Solved Fermat's Last Theorem
Professor: The boy had all of the mathematical truths in his head and I was just pulling them out through his nose or something.
Swarthmore College
Swarthmore, Pennsylvania.
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Education | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Any More Questions About Your Paper Topics?
Psychology professor: Sex is best. Money is second best. Domestic violence is pretty cool.
Los Angeles, California
...Now You Pay Attention?
Teacher holding VCR remote control: I keep hitting play, this stupid thing won't work. Must need new batteries.
(changes batteries)
Teacher: Damn thing still won't work, you'd think they would buy machines that work, how are you supposed to learn with such crappy materials?
Student in front row: Ummm... Is that the tape on top of the VCR?
Teacher: Goddamn it!
Manchester, New Hampshire
Categories: Education | Gripes | Grumpies | Insults | Kids | New Hampshire | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2010-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yay! I've Been Trying to Outdo Myself for Weeks!
Student: How do you spell "wear"? W-e-a-r? (pause) That is the stupidest thing I've ever said.
San Diego, California
Just Killing Time Before the Dance Party in the Romance Languages Section
Brunette: So, are you gonna get some studying done?
Blonde: No, not really...
Brunette: So, you're here just to kill time?
Blonde: Yeah, to play.
Baillieu Library
University of Melbourne
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Girls | Time Management | Posted 2010-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
College Exists to Prolong Adolescence
Female Brown student #1: That lab class is so stupid.
Female Brown student #2: Yeah. Harry Potter had the best labs.
Female Brown student #1, sighing: I wish this was Hogwarts.
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Sadie
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Pop culture | Rhode Island | Students | Posted 2010-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Want to Graduate, I Don't Want to Know Anything
Undergrad on cell: And the paper has to be, like, 10 to 12 pages long! (pause) I know! I'm like, "I'm not writing my freaking thesis here!"
Bus
Minneapolis, Minnesota
The Crap You Write Proves You Don't Listen to Me
Professor: My job is pretty sweet. All I have to do is show up and talk about something I'm interested in. How sweet is that? It would be even better if I didn't hate all of you.
Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Feelings | Gripes | Grumpies | Illinois | Jobs & Careers | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yay! Let's All Join the Army!
Girl #1, loudly in quiet library: And we thought we were going to the lecture on reasons to join the army, but we accidentally went to the wrong lecture theater, and it was a medical lecture on burns patients!
Studying girl: Shhhhh!
Girl #1, loudly: And this med guy who knew we weren't med students goes "This is a good lecture to come to! Lots of gory pictures!" and we were both thinking "Shit! Are these army people going to show us photos of people who have been blown up or something!?"
Studying boy and girl: Shhhhhhhh!
Girl #2: Can't be as bad as that lecture from first year. Remember the photo of the person's head who'd been run over by a train?
Girl #1, even more loudly: Yeah! And they showed us photos of a penis which had been bitten off!
(everyone in library, including studying boy and girl, burst out laughing)
Griffith University Library
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Education | Penis | Science | Students | Violence | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Try Turning the Paper Right Side Up.
Student, raising hand: I can't read...
Professor: I'm sorry.
San Francisco State University
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: The Only One Laughing?
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | San Francisco | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Judging from the Residue I Discovered on One Of Your Quizzes
Professor: Here you are, every day, sitting in this little cave which is evolutionary very stupid. You're not reproducing while you are in here. You aren't even trying to... Well, maybe that's not true.
Psychiatric Physiology Class
Pomona, California
Overheard by: Whats He talking about again???
Which Was Also Wrong, But Seemed So Right at the Time
Girl, about test: Um, I got number 34 right and it's marked wrong!
Rest of class: Yeah.
Professor: I know. I already gave you all credit. Just ignore that, it must be some leftover meth use from my college years.
Auburn, Alabama
...As General Custer Clearly Stated at the Time.
Student: But why would someone do that?
Teacher: For the LOLs.
High School
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
Not As Lame As Saying "No" to Drugs, But Close Enough.
Government teacher: The finance committee is sexy. Who wants to be part of the education committee, anyway? They're lame.
High School
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Remember the Plot Of Of Mice and Men Going Quite That Way
Teacher: So, he gets this chick to marry him and she leaves her princess life in wherever, and now he's dreaming about mud!
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Education | Family ties | Missouri | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Wearing Those Stiletto Boots and Bra-tops and We'll Talk
Communications professor: I mean, I can offer you a dollar for sex or I can offer you a million dollars. You're still a prostitute. We're just haggling over price.
(some female students giggle)
Communications professor: What? Oh, you're laughing because I called you whores?
Otago University
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Insults | Money | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Questions | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Enjoy Mocking Your Working-Class Accents
Student, after teacher announced students would take turns to read: Erm, excuse me... Why can't we read quietly for ourselves?
Teacher, with mock shock: Because... We're here together! This is a room full of communion and harmony!
University of Zurich
Switzerland
Overheard by: Stephie
How About "Bacterial Infections Are for Pussies"?
College girl #1: You know how that rumor got started? Because you denied him. It happened to my mom in high school.
College girl #2: "Just because I didn't sleep with you doesn't mean I have chlamydia!" I so need a shirt that says that.
London
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Education | Family ties | Gripes | STDs | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2009-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Are Now Qualified to Work at McDonald's
Five-year-old daughter: Daddy, ask me some math questions.
Father: Okay, what is 4 x 4?
Five-year-old daughter: It's not 9!
Father: That's correct.
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Michael Moore
That's What My Gymnastics Coach Used to Say!
Biology teacher: Today we are going to learn to make a wet mount.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: the one chortling in the back
Kids Start Disappointing You As Soon As They Possibly Can
Little girl: Mom, can I buy that doll house?
Mom: No, you don't have enough money.
Daughter: Can't I just use my college money?
Mom: No.
Daughter: But I don't want to go to college, I want the doll house! I don't want to go to college!
Toy Store
Canadia
Furniture Stripping
First grade teacher to colleague, in front of first graders: And so I walked into the living room and he was there, naked, standing on the coffee table.
Portland, Maine
Is It Too Late for a Teachable Moment?
Manly guy to male friend carrying fake baby for parenting class: So, did Beth* get her period yet?
Wichita, Kansas
The Spontaneous Admission to Grad School Is Just a Myth
Philosophy professor: He chose this example because it had sex appeal. It turned people on.
(changes PowerPoint slide to picture of bacterial flagellum)
Male student: Ohhhhh!
Professor: Please don't have an orgasm in my class.
Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Orgasm | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Science | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Smart Money Says She Prefers Teaching Gymnastics
Teacher: Who was right in the American Revolution?
(silence)
Student: We were?
Teacher: We were! God, I thought you were all communists for a minute.
Kalamazoo, Michigan
I'm Beginning to Regret Teaching You How to Use Anthrax
Teacher to chattering students: Quit discussing biochemical warfare!
Biology Classroom
Auckland
New Zealand
Ironically, That's When I Realized We Were Lost.
Girl: So then she told me her sister decided to major in geography. I had to pull over to the side of the road because I was laughing so hard.
Massachusetts
Overheard by: English Major
Categories: Education | Family ties | Geography | Girls | Massachusetts | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So We're Giving Him My Anal Fisting Videos and Hoping He Can Extrapolate
Middle-aged man: So the other day my friend asked me to borrow some porn tapes. He said he needed to teach his son about the birds and the bees.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the wirled
Categories: Birds | Education | Guys | Insects | Kids | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Porn | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're So Cute-- I Want One
Junior girl, watching group of new freshman and shaking her head: I swear they keep getting smaller.
Weber State University
Utah
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Students | Utah | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Its Subtitle: "I Was Too Drunk to Prepare a Lesson for Today"
Professor, pulling blue scarf out of pocket for magic trick: Now that... that is what I like to call... a blue scarf.
Villanova University
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Education | Magic | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like How to Talk Out Of Your Butte
Freshman #1, reading from textbook: Butte. What is a butte exactly?
Freshman #2: A fancy way to say "butt."
Freshman #1: God, you learn so much at college.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: kbay
Though Every Drunken Brawl Is Like a Snowflake.
Female college student: My new thing is going to bed at a decent time when I have class in the morning.
20-something college dropout: My new thing is binge drinking every day. But I guess that's not really new.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: passing out at a decent hour
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Education | Overheard in Minneapolis | Students | Time Management | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And a That's So Raven Thermos!
Mom to preteen son: If you don't straighten up your act, I'm sending you back to school with all Hannah Montana notebooks!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that'll teach him
Categories: About celebrities | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Threats | Posted 2009-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seriously, How Many Times Can The L Word Do This Same Story?
Girl #1: Are you Jane Jones*?
Girl #2: Yes.
Girl #1: I'm you're math tutor, nice to meet you.
Girl #2: Oh, you're cute! I could totally date you, but I'm not a lesbian.
Girl #1: Thanks! I could date you too, but I'm straight, and I have a boyfriend.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Tsunoba
Though I Would Advise Against Googling the TA. *Shudder*
Professor: So I was looking through your online homework and I tried out the first question and I got it wrong. So I suggest you google the answer. You can find anything on google.
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Condones This
Or I'll Be Red with Embarassment.
Professor: The emotional impact of one story is greater than the story of many people.
Student: Isn't that what Stalin said?
Professor: Um. Sort of the same sentiment. But I really hope that is my last parallel to Stalin.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Education | Feelings | Questions | Students | Teachers | Washington | Posted 2009-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though Not As Shitty As If You Had Rampant Syphilis. Trust Me.
Biology professor: This Friday I'm going to talk about STIs, and you're all going to have a shitty weekend.
Alton, Illinois
Overheard by: M
Your Prostitutes Will Be Right on Time.
Substitute teacher: Because your teacher is gone today, your prostitutions... Wait! No! Prosecutions... No, not that one either. Presentations. Yes, that's the one! Your presentations will be postponed.
High School
Kuna, Idaho
Overheard by: Girl in the back of the class
...From the Sketchy Dude Gyrating Next to Me.
Teen princess to another, in changing room: Oh my god, she's so trashy. Who would ask their friends to a a pole-dancing class there? The pole dancing studios I go to in the city are like sexy and hot. But at that one, I got carpet burn.
Changing Rooms
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Dancing | Education | Questions | Sensory experiences | Sex | Teens | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...You All Have Your Paper Mache Assignment.
Professor: Okay, guys, let's stop talking about penises.
Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
...Bong Hits All Around!
Professor: I have no idea how we got onto this discussion, class. Does anyone know what we're supposed to be talking about?
Class: (silence, then soft giggles from back of the room)
Professor: Well, we accomplished nothing today. But it's okay!, 'cause (raises his voice in excitement) I had fun!
Richland Center, Wisconsin
Overheard by: CollegeIsn'tSoBad
The Gay Guys Just Criticize Your Outfit
Prof: Ladies, I'm just gonna give it to you straight: I guarantee you that almost every straight guy you see today is going to picture you naked.
Techie guy, fixing projector: Fuckin' A!
University of Calgary
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Gender issues | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Depression's Always in Style in Virginia
Studious student: You know she would tell her students that she's far too sick to make it out to campus, and then curl up in a ball on her couch with a cup of tea so she can watch the rain fall and weep.
Virginia Commonwealth University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Feelings | Food | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Students | Virginia | Weather | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You Have "Dick" in Your Name, You Have to Expect That.
Professor: When I was learning about Emily Dickinson in high school, I wasn't really paying attention. I was just wondering what she looked like without her clothes on.
Missouri
In the Immortal Words Of Khrushchev.
Chick giving presentation: Because this is Russia, bitch.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
I Had Two Cups Of Earl Grey This Morning!
Student: How can you tell that it's "the walls have ears" and not "the ears have walls"? I mean, I guess that would make sense if you were drugged up...
Professor: Are you implying that I'm not drugged up?
Latin Class
Denver, Colorado
Homie Also Has a Hard Time on Armed Forces Career Day
Flamboyant, very white math teacher: Alright, we have a test on Tuuuuseday, which is also, guess what, the blood drive! So don't donate blood before the test and please, please, do not donate blood during the test. You'll be writing with one arm and bleeding with the other, and then you'll get paler and paler... and keel over and die. Homie can't fly that. Homie can't.
Math Classroom
Hawaii
Categories: Body parts | Death & dying | Education | Hawaii | Health & Hygiene | Students | Teachers | Whiteys | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Heard You Play Cello.
Asian kid: Damn, I can't do math.
Non-Asian kid: Somehow I doubt that.
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Jesse
Now Squint, Damn Your Eyes!
History professor: You know how I said that this class wouldn't have a lot of text-heavy PowerPoint slides? Sometimes I lie to you, because that's funny.
Community College
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: i love this school
Everyone Deserves at Least One Brush with Greatness
Woman, searching through bargain bin: Do you want this? This woman taught at Bennington!
Girl: Dude, that's old! She teaches at my school now. Her son was in my class. His lab puppy shat on dreadlock, girl!
Borders
Mansfield, Massachusetts
Categories: Animals | Education | Girls | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Poop | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least, He Said It Was Mayonnaise
Girl on cell: Yeah, last semester the professor had this obsession with mayonnaise. It was freaking everyone out.
College of Charleston
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Tori
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Food | Girls | On the phone | South Carolina | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Easier to Write the Paper Than Its Outline
Student, about assignment she's written: It's supposed to be (emphasizes with hands) that, that, then that, then that! But it's all blah blah blah blah! You know?
Friend: Is you introduction all dot, dot, dot at least?
Student: Yeah.
University of South Australia
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: fellow stressed out uni student
You Altar Boys Know What I'm Talking About
English professor: I know what you're thinking. Two pages! I can write that with half a bottle of whiskey in me and my hands tied behind my back!
Cardinal Stritch University
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
...Let's Relax with Some Margaritas.
Russian professor: Grammarlicious definition makes them "gringo locos." (pause) Now that you've all been permanently scarred...
Arizona State University
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Education | Language barrier | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About Menstruation!
Professor: How does a microwave work?
Student: Electromagnetic waves.
Professor: Oh, "electromagnetic waves"! That's a fancy way of saying "magic."
University of Delaware
Overheard by: Magician
It's All Fun and Games 'til Somebody Pokes a Baby Out
Loud eighth grader: Michael's such a douche, all he wants to do is get in my pants.
Even louder teacher: You're in eighth grade, you shouldn't be letting anybody in your pants!
Potomac, Maryland
Overheard by: Math is my new favorite subject...
Why Show and Tell Is Discouraged After Elementary School
Short girl: I studied the wrong vagina!
Curlie: Me too, but I studied the right penis.
Chem teacher: Uh...
Onteora, New York
Almost As Rude As Answering Your Cell Phone in Class
Pol-sci professor: Nuking other countries is kind of rude.
University of Memphis
Memphis, Tennessee
Just Trying to Make Learning Fun.
Girl, frustrated: Because every time I try to study, you yell "sausage" at me!
Bristol, Vermont
Something Grave, Anyway.
Catechism teacher: Where's Eric today?
Eric's friend: Eric's at the hospital with his mom.
Catechism teacher, concerned: Why?
Eric's friend: Cuz she has a tombstone, or something like that.
Rochester Hills, Michigan
Overheard by: Betsy