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In Totally Unrelated News, Which Of You Left an Earring in My Carpet Last Night?
Biology prof: So the dinosaurs were eating all the iridium poisoned plants, and dying of drug overdoses. That's why you find them in all these weird positions, they were having bad trips and just... dying.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: Danielle
Categories: Animals | Death & dying | Drugs | New Mexico | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The New Children's Book That's Sweeping the Nation
Young 20-some male to another: Any friend that tells you not to smoke crack isn't a friend.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Travis N.
Categories: Character | Drugs | Guys | Nevada | Philosophy | Posted 2011-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Remember?" Are You Fucking Kidding?
Guy sitting on bench: So can I borrow your crack pipe tomorrow?
Girl sitting next to him: No, it's dirty, remember? I still need to wash it out.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Travis
Categories: Arizona | Drugs | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Posted 2011-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Argh, Is It Back to Work Already?
Drunk guy, spotting friend on street on New Year's Eve: Dude, hi! What day is it?
Friend, also drunk: Uh, Friday.
Drunk guy: Monday! You and me and a mountain of weed!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Terry B
Gee Thanks, Captain Buzzkill
Part-time firefighter: So the next time you feel chest pains, it may not be a good idea to tell 911 that you took meth earlier. And the next time you're in a car crash, keep your pants on.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: he has the most interesting stories...
...Um, I've Heard.
Man: All cocaine really does is make you want more of it.
Woman: Not necessarily. If that were true, what's to stop people from snorting dog shit?
Man: That rule doesn't apply to dog shit. If you snort dog shit, you will definitely never, ever, want to snort it again.
Oakland, California
My Campaign Would Be Like Whoopi Goldberg's Marriage to Ted Danson
Very white English major girl: I could never be a politician. I'd be all like "bitch, you're trippin' balls. Sit yo' fat toupeed ass down!"
Universisty Station
Calgary
Canadia
Didn't You Read the Welcome Sign at the Airport?
Tourist: Wait, so you can't smoke cigarettes, but you can smoke pot?
Local guy: Welcome to California!
Golden Gate Park
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Arielle
Strawberry Shortcake and the Purple Pieman Never Quite Saw Eye-to-eye
Hobo: Hey, can you spare some change?
Girl: I don't have change, but I do have this muffin.
Hobo: Can't buy no weed with a muffin!
Boston, Massachusetts
In Cambridge? Perish the Thought.
Girl to friend: We're under a bridge! I feel like a crack dealer.
Midsummer Common
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Anti-Math
And Don't Even Get Me Started on Mullets.
Loud black guy at pharmacy counter to friend: You know why they got that, right? (points to sign about restrictions on liquid cough medicine sales) Cos people are using them to make methamphetamine. Mm-hmm, if you mix that up you can make methamphetamine. (looks around, whispers to friend, they laugh) You don't see any brothers doing that shit, that's all I'm saying.
CVS
New Rochelle, New York
Categories: Black people | Customers | Drugs | Health & Hygiene | New York | Shopping | Posted 2010-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Can You Hear Me Now??
Man, hitting himself in the head with cell phone: I'm not giving you your fuckin' phone back until you fuckin' go to your fuckin' psychiatrist and take your fuckin' pills!
Woman: Give me my phone.
Man: I'll smash your phone on my head!
Woman: Give me my phone!
Man: Go to your fuckin' psychiatrist! Get your fuckin' pills!
Toronto
Canadia
Towelie Encounters Problems in College
Guy #1: Hey dude, I was super stoned last night when I studied for this sociology test. I totally understood it and it all made sense.
Guy #2: Damn. I should try that.
Guy #1: No, dude, cause now I can't remember what I read.
University Of Minnesota
Duluth, Minnesota
...With William Shakespeare?
Older sister: Did you know Louie Armstrong smoked a lot of pot?
Younger sister: While he was in space?
Auburn, Washington
Is It or Is It Not the High Holy Days?
Boy #1: Dude, you know what the best time to get high would be? Right before temple.
Boy #2: No, dude, it's Yom Kippur. You'll be so hungry...
Private High School
New York, New York
Overheard by: so many things wrong with this
Categories: Drugs | Guys | Jews | New York | Questions | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Time Management | Posted 2010-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When the Magic Mushrooms Came to Oklahoma City
Girl #1: I hallucinated that you and my boyfriend had sex in the spirit world! I think I hallucinated I was using an umbrella in the shower this morning.
Girl #2: Uh. No... Sorry, I found one in our shower.
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
The "Trick Question" on the C.I.A. Exam
Guy: I'm thinking of doing heroin, but just once. Do you think that's cool?
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Tim
Categories: Drugs | Fashion | Guys | Overheard Lines | Stupidity | Posted 2010-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Hold On-- The Earth's Rotating Again!
Female stoner: We have to go to the Natural History Museum! Wait, where are we?
Friend, after pause: The Natural History Museum.
Washington, DC
Categories: Drugs | Stoners | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2010-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: Maybe She's Bored With It, Maybe It's Heroin
Girl #1: Why did they all look at you like you were on heroin?
Girl #2: I don't know. I always act like I am on heroin, but I just take Xanax.
Mall
Virginia
So Let a Toothless Smile Be Your Umbrella
20-something Puerto Rican female passenger: God, I hate this weather!
Young black passenger: Man, I love this weather! The rain is good.
20-something Puerto Rican female passenger: I want sunshine!
Young black passenger: No, man, the rain is great... It's perfect meth weather.
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Mia Coleman
Categories: Black people | Bus | Drugs | Feelings | Gripes | Latinas | Washington | Weather | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Keeps Muttering About My Becoming Self-Supporting
Teen girl: My dad bought me an iPhone but he took it away when he found my pot. I'm so pissed.
Emo teen: You live in Portland. Either you're gay, you enjoy molesting children, or you do every drug available for free. Or all of the above. What the hell does he expect of you?
Portland, Oregon
Categories: Cell phones | Drugs | Family ties | Kids | Oregon | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2010-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Although There's Nothing Worse Than a Goat with the Munchies.
Hipster girl #1: Those are nice (points at earrings), where did you get them?
Hipster girl #2: Oh, I stole these. I only steal earrings, for some reason. So did your parents ever get those goats for their farm?
Hipster girl #1: Not yet, but my mom said they're going to start growing pot.
Hipster girl #2: That's cool.
Cafe
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: Vincent Ignatius
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Compliments | Crimes | Drugs | Family ties | Fashion | Hipsters | North Carolina | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Wearing That Lavender Perfume and We'll Revisit the Issue, Okay?
20-something girl to gay male friend: It really creeps me out when you call me "grandma" when we do drugs together.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: MuffinW
Categories: California | Drugs | Fag hags | Family ties | Names | Queers | Posted 2010-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Stimulant for Me, a Depressant for Them
Girl #1: What kind of drugs were you on?
Girl #2: I wasn't on drugs!
Girl #1: What kind of drugs do you want to be on?
Girl #2: What kind of drugs do you have?
Girl #1: I have the morning after pill.
Girl #2: That's not a drug.
Girl #1: Yes it is, it kills babies.
Escondido, California
I Still Can't Eat Shirred Eggs
Grungy young man, after loudly prattling on about drinking 12 Smirnoffs a day, weed, and massage therapy: I didn't believe in the inner-spiritual plane until I saw my unborn child's soul whisked away.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Anon Y. Mouse
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Druggies | Drugs | Drunks | Kids | Parenting | Words | Posted 2010-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though at Least I Can Eat Chips
Guy: It was a teeth-optional place, but hey, I was a drug addict, so I'm not all that and a bag of chips either.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Druggies | Drugs | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Since That's What This Pie Looks Like.
Bakery clerk: It's not like my dog is going to run off and do drugs!
Confused person next in line: Um, ha ha, you never know.
Bakery clerk: Oh, we were just talking about childbirth.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Birthing | Compare and contrast | Customers | Drugs | Employees | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People Don't Know That Binky's Your Vagina
Mother: So, since I've drugged Binky this week, she hasn't made a single sound.
Daughter: This conversation doesn't sound suspicious at all.
Coles
Australia
Life Is Sweet; Don't Fuck It Up
Professor: No drinking and driving this weekend! No drugs! ...and no babies.
Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Sara
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Indiana | Pregnancy | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Community College Student Has Intimate Drug Knowledge. Film at 11.
Student: My girlfriend's theory on smoking is that it's good for you because it's natural.
Professor: Yeah, it's not like that crystal meth. That stuff's all chemicals.
Voice from the back: True dat!
Community College
Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Smoking | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless It Was in Vegas, in Which Case It Stays There.
Defense lawyer, teaching trial advocacy: But remember that in real life, nobody charged with marijuana possession is actually going to go to trial.
Law student: Last summer when I was working at the legal clinic I had a client who was charged with possession go to trial!
Defense lawyer: What? In fifteen years of practice, I've never seen it go to trial.
Law student: Yeah, the prosecutor was being a dick about it too--he wanted jail time.
Defense lawyer: Who was the prosecutor? Tell me his name, I'll tell you if I ever got high with him.
Law School
Canadia
Overheard by: Law student
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Drugs | Memory lane | Names | Stoners | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or High School Guidance Counselor.
Blonde girl to boyfriend: I think I'd make a good drug addict.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: uhh
Categories: Couples | Drugs | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2010-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Was Also Wrong, But Seemed So Right at the Time
Girl, about test: Um, I got number 34 right and it's marked wrong!
Rest of class: Yeah.
Professor: I know. I already gave you all credit. Just ignore that, it must be some leftover meth use from my college years.
Auburn, Alabama
Okay, You Don't Have to Show Me.
Grandson, watching grandmother hold cigar as if it was a joint: If grandma takes off her bra and burns it, I'm gonna freak out.
Grandma: Oh, Simon! I'm not wearing one.
Spencer, Iowa
Then He Was Like, "This Is a Job Interview, Tanya."
Black teen girl to friend: He was like "you're so high you don't even know what to do!" and I was like "nigga, this ain't the first time I smoked!"
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Hancock
...So He Could Cut Up His Coke.
Confused junkie: There were these two Jewish guys called Gold and Frankenstein, and they gave Jesus a mirror.
Box Hill Central
Melbourne
Australia
The Most Exciting Thing That's Happened in Tukwila, Washington in Years
Man on cell in line at bank, clearly agitated: After what happened last time, you expect me to do that? (pause) What? I can't work with that! (dead silence, then yelling) Look, you motherfucker... I know what the goddamn price of heroin is, and that's not it! (runs away from bank, gets on his 745 BMW)
Customer in line: Did he just say what I think he said?
Teller: I totally heard "heroin."
Tukwila, Washington
Categories: Customers | Drugs | Employees | Guys | Insults | Money | On the phone | Washington | Posted 2009-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only in the Places Where You're Smoking That Blunt
Girl #1: You look really high right now.
Girl #2, panicking: Do I smell high!?
Cumberland, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Categories: Drugs | Girls | Maine | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kim Jong-il Actually Pulls Off "Hobo" Flawlessly
Hobo, panhandling to passer-bys: Can anyone spare some change so I can buy a little wine, some booze, some cheese, a little pot... Maybe some nuclear weapons...
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: http://psychedelicmess.blogspot.com
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Food | Hobos | Money | Panhandling | Strangers | Violence | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Such Small Portions!
50-something woman: Fine by me! How much cocaine can you even buy for $180 bucks? Probably only, like, a gram. (long pause) Ya know, that's the problem with drugs these days. They are so expensive.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: her niece
Categories: Drugs | Money | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Asked the Purple Monkey in the Corner, and Even He Didn't Know.
Man: I just had a dream where I was stoned, and when I woke up, I couldn't tell if I was stoned or not.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: jfa
Categories: Drugs | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Had Two Cups Of Earl Grey This Morning!
Student: How can you tell that it's "the walls have ears" and not "the ears have walls"? I mean, I guess that would make sense if you were drugged up...
Professor: Are you implying that I'm not drugged up?
Latin Class
Denver, Colorado
That's the Last Time I'll Pick Up a Harvard Guy
Guy with sunglasses on cell: So I went back to the apartment today and he was passed out again! (pause) Yeah, dude, I think he smoked a bowl on my bed and then seized a few times...
B Train
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Drugs | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | On the phone | Train | Posted 2009-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's in the Microwave
20-something chick on mobile: How many times do I have to tell you? There is no cocaine in my fridge!
University
Queensland
Australia
Overheard by: how many times
Categories: Australia | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Drugs | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Even When He Shouted Out My Name As He Was Finishing.
Guy: Well, I mean the sun was coming up, and we went and got sandwiches afterwards, and rolled another joint.
Bemused girl: All this is setting the scene nicely, but it doesn't explain how you ended up masturbating on a school roof together.
Guy: We were twenty feet apart with our backs to each other, it wasn't gay or anything!
Cork
Ireland
Since Alf Went Out Of the Business
Girl, getting up to leave: Gotta go meet flipper down by the docks, he's bringing me a shipment of cocaine.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: Ben
Categories: Crimes | Drugs | Girls | Overheard at McGill | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Processed Beef Is My Anti-Drug
Stoner #1: But what if he isn't there, or doesn't have any to sell to us?
Stoner #2: It's cool, dude, he's always there and he always has some.
Stoner #1: For sure?
Stoner #2: Yeah, man, and if we can't get any pot we will just get a hot dog instead. Stoner #1: Okay, that sounds good.
Fat Franks
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Had Pot, and hot dog!
Some DEA Plants Don't Even Try.
Hipster to another, after cigarette drag: So what do you think about heroin?
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: PJ
Doesn't Explain Why Cassie's Eating Everyone's Brain
Guy: Oh, look! It's a full moon. Maybe that's why we're all crazy.
Girl: Maybe it's all the booze and drugs.
Grayling, Michigan
Overheard by: Cabin in the woods
Why Else Go to College?
Frat guy, after taking a hit from a blunt and smoking a cigarette: I feel like I spend the majority of my day inhaling something.
University of Wisconsin
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Frat boy types | Smoking | Time Management | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Say No to Jesus, Kids
Teen girl #1: He offered it to me in church--I mean, who offers someone marijuana in church?
Teen girl #2: When else could he do it?
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Colleen
Categories: Christianity | Drugs | New York | Questions | Teens | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Plot Summary Of The Grapes Of Wrath Leaves Something to Be Desired
Stoner guy: So he turned around and there were aliens in the back seat. Then he said, "Yay! Now we can have a hoe down!"
Western Kentucky University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Kentucky | Sensory experiences | Sex | Stoners | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Happens When You're Raised by an Old Lady with a Lot Of Pills
Young boy: Good gracious, I'm high!
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: sjshock
That's the Last Time I Let You Dog-Sit.
20-something girl on phone: Okay, how much did she drink? Okay. (pause) Well, can you wake her up? No? (pause) Okay, see, but I don't think it would be a good idea to give her some cocaine.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: frink
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Girls | On the phone | Posted 2009-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Homer Simpson: Mmm, Sacrelicious...
Teen girl to friend: You know what I wanna do? Smoke a joint rolled in a page from the bible.
McDonald's
Ohio
Overheard by: Dylan
Categories: Christianity | Drugs | Friends | Girls | McDonald's | Ohio | Questions | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Filled with Marijuana
Security agent: What's in the box, sir?
Guy with cardboard box: Pot. (long pause, then slowly) A ceramic pot.
Durango Airport
Durango Colorado
Underground. On Mars.
30-something large man: That book by George Orwell, 1984, is a prophecy!
Skinny guy sitting next to him: Yeah, yeah, man.
30-something large man: Because in 1985, the government took over, and they were the ones selling all the crack and dope. I would know. I was working for them.
Transit Bus
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: scooting farther away
Categories: Books | Bus | Drugs | Fat people | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Politics | Skinny people | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Love to Sniff Your Pores.
Professor: And that's why caffeine is my drug of choice. (awkward pause) So who here had some caffeine today?
University of Rochester, New York
Better Than Our Current Strategy in the Middle East
Crazy hobo, walking in office: Ecstasy! Ecstasy! Give every male one shot of ecstasy a day from the time they are seven to seventy, and that will end all the violence!
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: follylolly
It's Kind Of Required in San Jose
Slacker student boy, after teacher has announced half the class will have to take summer school: Yeah! Summer school!
Serious student girl: What's so great about summer school?
Slacker student boy: You get to get out earlier and you can do all sorts of shit without getting in trouble.
(serious student girl rolls eyes and shakes head)
Slacker student boy: Why don't you like summer school?
Serious student girl: I don't find the idea of waking up early through the summer appealing.
Slacker student boy: Have you ever had summer school?
Serious student girl: No, and I don't plan on doing so.
Slacker student boy: Don't be so sure of that, because one day you're going to start doing drugs.
San Jose, California
Overheard by: inoursecrets
Categories: California | Drugs | Education | Questions | Students | Time Management | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Was Supposed to Bring the Lube Today?
History teacher: Ah, sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. Well, I definitely did the rock 'n' roll bit. Not the drugs, though. And uh... Hm. So did you all do the assignment?
11th Grade History Class
Hong Kong
China
Or Don't Be the Idiot Who Schedules Things Before Noon
Professor, at 8 am: If coffee doesn't work, drink RedBull. But if that doesn't work, I suggest amphetamines or heroin.
Class, SUNY
Purchase, New York
Overheard by: Jessica
At Least They Own the Stereotype
Frat guy #1: So my mom bought me two new polos. One is blue with pink, and the other is orange and green. But I already have one that's orange and green.
Frat guy #2: Dude, I'll take it.
Frat guy #1: Nah, I think I'm gonna trade it to Duke for some pot.
Virginia Tech
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Frat boy types | Gifts | Parenting | Virginia | Posted 2009-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Explosive Phosphorous Diarrhea Really Lights Up Public Transport
Stoned frat boy: That's some illuminating shit!
Oakland-Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: the girl in the front of the bus
Categories: Drugs | Frat boy types | Pennsylvania | Stoners | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And It Was in My Baby's Diaper for Safekeeping the Whole Time
Judge: The police found drugs in your house?
Mother: It was just a little crack, and it was only there for two days.
Ulster County, New York
We Will Now Test This Hypothesis Empirically
Student: Crack cocaine is the best thing since fried rice!
UC San Diego
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Drugs | Food | Students | Posted 2009-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kids Flock to Her Slumber Parties for Her Mom's Brownies
Chick on cell: Yeah, mom, listen: I'm trying to buy some weed. Yeah, I'll call you back if I get any. Okay, love you too. Bye.
Downtown Crossing
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Adrienne
Categories: Chicks | Drugs | Family ties | Massachusetts | Moms | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Sense an Imbalance in The Force
Stoned girl #1: We should go to Tops Yogurt soon!
Stoner girl #2 to stoned guy: Yeah! You should come!
Stoned guy: Why Tops? Why not bottoms?
Stoned girls, in unison: Yeah! Why Tops? Why not bottoms?!
Sacramento, California
And I've Been Looking to Trade Up
Skanky 20-something girl: So the crack dealer who beat me up in the third grade keeps asking me for my number.
Alterra Coffee
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Default | Drugs | Girls | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So There Goes My Weight-Loss Plan
Girl: I almost failed my drug test because I couldn't pee in front of the lady. I guess I can never go to prison.
Chico, California
Overheard by: KJ
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Girls | Pee | Posted 2009-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Of the Reasons We Came to Thailand.
Girl #1, looking at picture: Oh my gosh! Look, the first aider is totally judging her. If I was passed out from crack, I would so not wanna be judged.
Girl #2: Oh, I know, totally!
Thailand
Categories: Asia | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Girls | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Notice You Came Up with That Description Awfully Quickly
Dude #1: Dude, are you still drunk?
Dude #2: Maybe a little, how could you tell?
Dude #1: You smell like beer, weed, and hooker spit!
Lecture Hall
University of Tennessee
Overheard by: bluecollarbelle
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Drunks | Guys | Questions | Sensory experiences | Tennessee | Posted 2009-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Without Us, There'd Be No MTV.
Physics professor: Where are all the physicists? Eh, we're all cab drivers, drug addicts and musicians.
Cupertino, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl loves physics
Categories: California | Default | Drugs | Offers and requests | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2009-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Actually, Crutchy Was the Only Crippled Newsie
Girl on cell: Wait! (pause) So, it's a gang for crippled people?
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Florida | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Considered Sarah Lawrence?
Girl #1: Let me suggest to you...
Girl #2 (interrupting): Why can't I take like drugs or sex? Something that interests me? Not like race... Not that it isn't that interesting... Not that I'm racist. I'm not a racist. (nervous laugh)
Long Island University, New York
Overheard by: Reena
In My Day, Substance Abuse Was a prerequisite for the Advanced Writing Seminar
Professor: Isn't Jim just a perplexing guy? I read his stories and I'm just like, "what's wrong with him?" Jim, you're just stoned all the time, aren't you? Are you stoned right now?
Jim: No!
Professor: But were you stoned earlier today?
Jim: Yes. But only because I was hungover!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Drugs | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Plan to Stop Smoking Just Before That
Professor: Do we know if marijuana has any long-term effects?
Male student: Ball cancer.
Western Michigan University
Overheard by: H
Do We Really Want to Waste a Bag Of Crack, Though?
Guy #1: I know how to get your kid back, easy! I'll just put a bag of crack in your mom's car and call the cops and say "there is this old lady with a bag of crack and a baby in her car!" (laughs)
Guy #2: That would be so cool.
Bus Stop
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
And Fighting Scares Off Daddy's Dealer
Tough-looking guy with eight-year-old: Don't go over there! Dirty, gross stuff over there, dirty people go there.
Kid, climbing through railing bars: Druggies!
Dad: Don't say that around here! Daddy doesn't want to have to fight anyone.
Chinatown
Downtown Winnipeg
Canadia
Overheard by: al
Unsociable Wankers, the British
Blonde American student: For some reason, when I get high I get paranoid that everyone around me is jerking off!
University of London
England
Overheard by: The Friend
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drugs | England | Feelings | Masturbation | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Dad Wants to See Me ASAP
30-something druggie girl: I know my dad's looking down at me, helping me and shit. That's how I got my handbag back.
30-something druggie guy: Yeah? For fuckin serious?
30-something druggie girl: Yeah! I feel like he's telling me shit sometimes. Sometimes I reckon he wants me to stop taking the pills and the smack, but then I'm like, "Nah, that's just the drugs talking."
Train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: XPIOTOS
Tingly!
Young woman #1: I wonder if Vicks expires.
Young woman #2: Yeah, it expires. I use it as butt lube.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Ashrey
I Suppose the Holes in the Balls Are Also Off Limits?
Vice principal: Listen up, everyone! The rules of the school also apply at the bowling alley. If you smoke, drink, or do drugs, we will call the cops. If you break anything, you will have to pay. If you hump the ball machine for the sake of irony, you will be sent home. That means you, Aaron*!
Aaron*: Aw, man!
High School
Englewood, Colorado
Yahoo Fetish Groups: "Ahem-- "Nobody"?"
Passenger #1: I broke up with my woman because she spends all her money on crack...she crazy.
Passenger #2: Ah, that's no good.
Passenger #1: I know...and pretty soon she gonna run out of money.
Passenger #2: Really?
Passenger #1: Yeah, I told her too many times ain't nobody gonna want a senior citizen as a prostitute.
Passenger #2: Damn.
Greyhound Bus
Montana
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Guys | Money | Montana | Relationships | Posted 2009-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Don't Forget to Bring Your Bongs to the Final Exam
Professor: You can't look at a record and hear the music...unless you're really baked.
Decatur, Illinois
I Guess We Could Try Smoking Them
Teen guy: Yeah, we got like, so wasted!
Teen girl #1: It was great, yeah. We got so high.
Teen girl #2: Where did you guys get the alcohol?
Teen girl #1: What?
Teen girl #2: If you guys were getting high, where did you get the alcohol?
Teen girl #1: That's drunk. You get high off weed.
Teen girl #2: Oh. Okay. Then, where'd you get that?
Teen guy: My sister. She's sixteen!
Teen girl #2: Can't you get high off books?
Teen guy: What?
Teen girl #2: Cause, can't, like...books get you high?
Teen girl #1: What?
Library
East Vancouver, BC
Canadia
We Should Do a Barbeque or Something
Man: You look familiar.
Woman: I think we are neighbors. 1st and Bates?
Man: Yeah, we live on the 1st Street side.
Woman: Ah, I live near the crackhouse on Bates.
Man: Can you be more specific?
Woman: The red crackhouse on Bates.
dcist.com
Obama Is Tony, America Is Maria, And McCain Is Bernardo
Professor: Let's move on...let's talk about Puerto Ricans in New York. And crack. And race. Well, let's start with Obama.
Mount Holyoke College
South Hadley, Massachusetts
Overheard by: lovecollege
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drugs | Geography | Massachusetts | Names | Politics | Race | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades
20-something guy that obviously just woke up: So, do you think we'll have enough money to apply for college later today?
20-something girlfriend, also still bed-headed and yawning: Are you kidding me? It's 5 am and we're stoned. We'll talk about this later.
Bus
Dallas, Texas
And Wouldn't Share!
Lady carrying huge crate of Girl Guide Cookies to campus rent-a-cop: But they're just kids! They were just trying to have fun!
Campus rent-a-cop, genuinely surprised: They were smoking pot on my campus!
McGill
Montreal, Quebec
Canadia
You Can Pay a Dominatrix with a Gift Card. True Story.
Girl #1, entering mall: Do you think you can pay a drug dealer with a gift card?
Girl #2: That would be so cool!
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Christmas Shopper thinking to same thing
Then The Gloves Are Off!
Economics professor: I don't judge others' lifestyles. (pause) I mean...unless they are a total trainwreck.
Illinois State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Education | Illinois | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Same Way That Fear and Loathing... Is Utopian
Elderly professor: Who's to say Brave New World is a dystopia? I mean, they just did drugs and had sex all day. That sounds like a utopia, if you ask me.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: unsettled.
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Education | Feelings | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Alice Looks Forward to Being Alternately Larger and Smaller
College girl holding two bottles to friend, dreamily: These pills are gonna make me a better person...
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: shay
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only Metaphysically.
Student: Isn't all truth metaphysical by this standard?
Law professor: Are you stoned?
UC Hastings
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Loving this
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drugs | Philosophy | Questions | San Francisco | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Licking Me Will Get Us Both Off
Stoner lesbian: I bet if you like, took the time to scrape all the resin off my brain...and my lungs too. Yeah, all the resin from my brain and lungs and smoke it... You could get really really high.
Cumberland, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
It's the Only Possible Motivation to Teach at a Texas Public School?
Teacher: I got a question for you guys... If you're flying at 50,000 feet and the left rear tire falls off your canoe, how many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse and why?
Students: What the fuck?
Teacher: Clearly, the answer is 7, cause ice cream has no bones!
Student #1: Why do they keep giving us teachers on crack?
Student #2: I dunno, man. I dunno...
Inside Freshman Classroom
El Paso, Texas
Makes Teaching Teenagers Seem Almost Bearable
Chemistry teacher: We've been experimenting with butane for the last three periods and I'm a little high right now.
Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee
...From the Great Beyond
Girl #1: Dude, my phone is ringing but I don't want to pick it up...I'm too high right now.
Girl #2: Pick it up, it may be important.
Girl #1 (picking it up): Hello? (hangs up)
Girl #2: Well, who was it?
Girl #1: I don't know, just a bunch of voices.
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Overheard by: Zboots1
Categories: Advice | Default | Drugs | Girls | New Jersey | Sensory experiences | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom's Still Upset About That Explosion in My Room
Girl to friend: You know, I think your house is the best place to keep the meth at room temperature.
Sheffield, Ohio
Overheard by: Julian
And You Didn't Invite Me
Sweet old lady: Well, when we moved to Gilbert we started up a garden and thought we had volunteer tomato plants.
Sweet middle aged lady: Volunteer?
Sweet old lady: You know, they came up without us planting them. So I started watering them and giving them fertilizer, and they got pretty big. Then one day I was eating dinner and I saw a boy jump over our fence in the back, rip out one of the plants, and take off with it!
Sweet middle aged lady: He stole a tomato plant?
Sweet old lady: Well, there was a sheriff down the street a few days later, so I told him about it. He came over to look at them, and told me they were marijuana plants!
Sweet middle aged lady: They weren't tomatoes?
Sweet old lady: I thought they were, but whoever lived there before us must have planted marijuana in their yard, and when I started watering they sprung up again.
Sweet middle aged lady: That gives me a funny feeling, knowing your house had drug users in it.
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Mia
It's for Grandma's Glaucoma
Employee: Hi, can I help you find anything?
Ghetto kid: Yeah, I'm looking for a book called Marijuana Horticulture.
Employee: Yeah, I know that book. I think we are out, though.
Bookstore
Stockton, California
Overheard by: Can I get some of that?
Categories: Books | California | Default | Drugs | Employees | Guys | Offers and requests | Stores | Posted 2008-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...To Paraphrase Nietzsche
White trash woman on cell: Yeah, she OD'ed, right? I just got out of jail for murder. "Your mom died of overdose" is what she told her. You need to stop telling people all this, I could get locked up for a long time. You told Heather and everybody, she knew all about what I did. But...I don't know, she said to call her. She's at her house, I guess. Look, you don't do shitty things to people that are there for you, you do shitty things to people that are not there for you.
Computer Science Department
Ohio State University
Overheard by: Now Heather and I are both in on the secret
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Default | Drugs | Family ties | Fears | Offers and requests | Ohio | On the phone | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-10-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not an Expert on Bone Density, But Wouldn't the Floor Be Getting Closer?
Professor: The floor's getting further away the older I get, but there's always Jack Daniels and Percocet.
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: hopes he never gets THAT old
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Teachers | Posted 2008-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Got High Enough to Develop Altitude Sickness
Hipster chick #1: Yeah, we did opium last night.
Hipster chick #2: How was that?
Hipster chick #1: I vomited until my ears popped.
Hipster chick #2: Awesome!
Blue Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Eve
Categories: Default | Drugs | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Illinois | Public transportation | Questions | Posted 2008-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's a Great Idea!
Goth girl: So by working to benefit communism, they started to think that communism wasn't actually so bad!
Creepy guy: You know, some people say that young people aren't deep. You've proved them wrong. (leaves)
Fat friend: Good thing he didn't hear us talking about how Sims should be able to sell drugs.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Creepsters | Default | Drugs | Fat people | Goths | Guys | Office politics | Posted 2008-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But It's Music Made by Weenies for Weenies Who Make Weenies!
(odd club music plays in the background)
Student #1: Chef, what are we listening to?
Chef instructor: Just some flippy-trippy sausage making music! It's acid jazz.
Student #2, grinding variety meats: I'm so not on the right drugs for this.
Culinary School
Austin, Texas
Or, As in This Case, at Least Come Out Even
Girl #1: I'm so high.
Girl #2: Oh, I don't do that anymore, last time I was high I gave a two-hour blow job.
Girl #1: Oh my god, did a little piece of your soul die?
Girl #2 : Not really, Jesus Christ Superstar was on in the background.
Girl #1: Oh, well, musicals make everything better.
Girl #2: Definitely.
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jess
Categories: BJs | Default | Drugs | Girls | Movies | Music | Pennsylvania | Questions | Time Management | Posted 2008-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Suddenly Have a Newfound Respect for Minnesota
Professor: As you can see, I don't take breaks. So if you have to go smoke a marijuana cigarette or go have sex in the bathroom, just go ahead.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: see ya
Yet Another Situation That Calls for Drugs
20-something girl: Rehab totally sucks. The halfway house only has basic cable.
#16 Bus
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: unysmpathetic
This Christening Is Going to Rock
Girl to friend: I mean, they have everything. I don't need anything... they have gold, knives, drugs...
Friend: (nods in agreement)
Shopper's Drug Mart
Toronto
Canadia
Because Stool Analysis Costs Extra
Pharmacy assistant holding phone to pharmacist: This guy on the phone found some prescription bottles in a drawer and wants to know what they are. Can you talk to him?
Pharmacist: Did he eat them already?
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: mmm....mystery pills
But You Can Keep Blaming the Terrorists If You'd Like
Girl to boyfriend: Like, I think it has more to do with you being on crack more than anything.
Baker Library
Dartmouth College, New Hampshire
Overheard by: you think?
Categories: Default | Drugs | Girls | New Hampshire | Posted 2008-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It'd Be a Match Made in Heaven If She'd Only Stop Stealing My Watch
Girl: Who are you dating now?
Guy: I don't know if you'd call it dating, but I met a stripper that comes over around midnight, gets me high, sucks my dick, we fuck, I fall asleep and when I wake up, she's gone.
Random eavesdropper: Dude, marry that bitch!
Open Bar
San Diego, California
Categories: BJs | California | Default | Drugs | Girls | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Strangers | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Gonna Love the Priesthood
Bespectacled, be-hatted, be-flanneled guy to friend: It's like Seattle without the heroin, New York without the coke. All bets are off. People are drunk 24/7.
Channing and Ellsworth
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Kaitlen, who wishes she knew where they were talking about
Categories: California | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Guys | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Of Me and My Husband in Koala Suits
Teacher: So, the koala bears are pretty much high all of the time. They fall off the trees. I have videos!
High School
Londonderry, New Hampshire
Overheard by: humanities student
Categories: Animals | Default | Drugs | Education | New Hampshire | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2008-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why It's Been Renamed the "K-Fed Isotope"
Professor: Carbon-14 is an unstable marriage. He's putting cocaine up his nose while she's working hard. It can't last, you know. That's expensive.
Berea College
Kentucky
If You Don't, Try the Cafeteria's Amphetameatloaf
History teacher (hanging up posters with spray adhesive): If ya'll get high from this, you're welcome.
High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: thank you!
Categories: Default | Drugs | Education | Etiquette | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | South Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Prefer 'Hoboes'-- but Thanks for the Weed!
Stoner #1: The other day I saw this homeless guy, and I felt bad, and I had just bought a stack, so I gave him some weed. He was like: "Thank you very much."
Stoner #2: Are you serious?
Stoner #1: Yeah. I don't care what anybody says, that was the most down shit ever. I fucking love bums.
Chino, California
Categories: California | Default | Drugs | Feelings | Friends | Panhandling | Stoners | Posted 2008-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Guess That's What They Want. What They Really, Really Want
Random guy, outside bank: I don't get it! It's like they're spending their money on Spice Girls tickets instead of drugs!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: irina
Your Soul Is Irredeemably Banal
Spaced-out kid: And I think it was some kind of message in that out-of-body experience. Like, it was my soul trying to tell me that after I finished puking, I should take a shower.
Teenage queer: Your dreams are fucked.
St. Andrew's College
Aurora
Canadia
She Was Extolling the Virtues Of Her HMO
Mother to son: I'm not sure, but I think grandma was high.
Union Station
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Seska
Categories: Default | Drugs | Family ties | Illinois | Moms | Public transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Shown That They Do Exist, He Fainted
Grungy dude, pointing to expensive vacuum: You should get this one. It sucks up everything!
Girlfriend: Yeah, but I don't have much carpet. I need, like, a Broom Vac or something.
Grungy dude: A Broom Vac?! Put down the crack pipe!
Target
Baltimore, Maryland
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Couples | Default | Drugs | Girls | Guys | Maryland | Stores | Technology | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Also Explains the Peanut Butter Smears
College student: That one answer is wrong. You put a nine instead of a six.
Professor: I was probably stoned at the time.
Sussex, New Jersey
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Education | New Jersey | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone's a Beautiful Woman After 12 Tequila Shots
Drunk guy on cell: Dad, I can't talk right now, I'm surrounded by FBI agents, but I've got your $100, your beer, and your marijuana. Oh, and your toilet paper. [Pause.] No, dad, FBI agents. [Pause.] I don't know, they're all beautiful women.
B Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Beauty | Crimes | Default | Drugs | Drunks | Family ties | Guys | Massachusetts | Money | Offers and requests | On the phone | Sexuality | Train | Posted 2008-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wanna See Some Wallet Photos from the Huffing Years?
Girl#1: I mean, my parents have no money now. Dad lost it in his "snort" phase.
Girl#2: My mom had that phase, but now she's just into the "prescription" phase.
Girl#3: That's a great phase.
Banana Republic
Kitchener
Canada
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Drugs | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Stores | Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Despite What You Guys Promised Me
Professor: I'm on drugs... And they're not fun.
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: thereallc
I Told You When God Closes a Door, He Opens a Window
Father: So, any luck with finding a jacket?
Teenage daughter: No, but somebody tried to sell me drugs.
Father: Well, that's something.
Victoria Market
Melbourne
Australia
Now Aren't You Glad We Went Through My Daughter's Sock Drawer?
Middle-aged woman, to older woman: Those were some really good drugs!
Dunkin' Donuts
University of Rhode Island
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Drugs | Ladies who lunch | Restaurants | Rhode Island | Posted 2008-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wanted You to Understand How It Felt to Read Your Term Papers
Professor: I think I popped a few Oxycontins before I wrote this so it might not make any sense.
Salem State College
Salem, Massachusetts
My Point Exactly
Stoner #1: Yo, what time is it?
Stoner #2: Oh! I know, right?
Roslindale, Massachusetts
Categories: Drugs | Feelings | Friends | Massachusetts | Questions | Stoners | Time Management | Words | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Drugging Miss Daisy
Old white lady, leaving table with a flourish: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom to shoot up.
Lemongrass
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Loves Her Some Thai Food
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Drugs | Etiquette | Ladies who lunch | Maryland | Restaurants | Weirdness | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Low-Maintenance People Live Longer, Anyway
Little old lady: I'm not a Pina Colada type. Give me a Coors Light and a nice doobie and I'm good.
Women's Gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: urzzz
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Happiness | Offers and requests | Old folks | Women | Posted 2008-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You're Spilling My Martini!
Kid: I want to go swimming!
Dad: They don't have any smoking rooms here, and I gotta smoke. We have to go somewhere else.
Kid: Can't you just go outside and smoke?
Dad: It's snowing outside! You'd like it if I had to go out in the cold and snow just so you could go swimming, wouldn't you?
Kid: But they have a pool here! I want to go in the pool!
Dad: That's all you do... All you do is think about yourself! I gotta smoke!
204 Hendersonville Road
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: Taryn
Categories: Dads | Drugs | Gripes | Kids | Kids | North Carolina | Offers and requests | Smoking | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're Instrumental in Getting High?
Professor: So the wars of opium wars were fought because the Chinese didn't want their citizens smoking their bongos and being loopy.
Student: Wait, bongos?
Professor: Yeah those pipe things... Bongos, right?
Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Erika
Christian Discovers He Has a Vocation for the Priesthood
Gay boy: ... And I woke up and my room was filled with red buttons and ears of corn, then my comforter turned into a giant lake, and three purple rhinoceroses just like rose out of it! And--
Girlfriend #1: No, Christian, there is no such thing as rhinoceroses. The plural of "rhinoceros" is "rhinocerii".
Girlfriend #2: Stacy... I don't think that's right... I think it may be "rhinos-"
Girlfriend #1: Courtney, that's ridiculous, we're being serious here...
Gay boy: Okay, guys! It doesn't matter. Anyway, back to the story... The weirdest part is, after all that happened, I thought I liked girls...
Girlfriend #1 and girlfriend #2: Wow... That is strange...
Huntington Movie Theater
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Mo
She Keeps a Cyanide One in Her Desk for Emergencies
Student: What are you eating?
Teacher: My bracelet... it's made of anti-depressants.
Tucson, Arizona
In Kansas, Recreational Eating Goes Extreme
Stoner #1: ... And it burned the whole way down! Seriously, I think my throat hemorrhaged.
Stoner #2: Well at least you didn't eat nine bowls of pudding.
Kansas State University, Manhattan
Overheard by: I wish I heard the beginning...
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Drugs | Food | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Kansas | Sensory experiences | Stoners | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Me and My Cocaine Fork Will Be Just Fine
Girl: But I'm graduating soon, so I don't need spoons anymore!
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Druggies | Drugs | Education | Girls | New Jersey | Sorority types | Students | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One of the Perks of Dating Helen Keller
Smug TA: While I was with her I was doing crack. She had no idea.
Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Druggies | Drugs | Guys | Lies | Pride | Relationships | Students | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You're Probably at Least Drunk
Professor: You may not be the target audience. You may not be on drugs!
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Nik
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Drugs | Education | New York | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Then He Stabbed Me
Chatty chick: ... And he called me a drunk! I mean, I am a drunk, but I'm a functional drunk. I told him everyone loves drunks but nobody loves a crackhead... I don't even care if I get a beer belly! Someone will still love me and rub my beer belly!
22 Fillmore bus
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: melissa
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Drunks | Relationships | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A.K.A. Sunburned Cock
Meathead: Those guys are steroid monkeys.
Girl: Oh... So, you don't do steroids?
Meathead: No, girl, I eat grilled chicken.
1400 East 6th Street
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: dana
Now I Only Eat It
Dude #1: So, when the hell did you start smoking cigarettes?
Dude #2: Last week.
Dude #1: Why the hell did you do that?
Dude #2: I wanna stop smoking pot.
University of Miami
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Stosh
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Default | Druggies | Drugs | Florida | Guys | Questions | Smoking | Time Management | Posted 2008-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Take It Ourselves
Meth user: Am I too late to get my methadone?
Young pharmacist: Yes. After five p.m. we dump all the methadone down the drain.
Meth user, very nervous: Are you kidding?!
Young pharmacist, laughing: Yes, I am.
Fort Erie, Ontario
Canadia
I Just Need It to Happen before He Finds Jesus
Chick on cell: Well, they had their flaws, but you know what I mean... I was thinking about Mike last night. Oh, how I would like to get back with him now that I'm kind of looking for a relationship and he's not on speed anymore...
Oklahoma
Categories: Chicks | Compliments | Default | Drugs | Oklahoma | On the phone | Relationships | Wishes | Posted 2008-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Still Not Sharing with You.
Girl: Don't worry, I won't be lonely tonight. I've got a date with a gravity bong.
Stoner guy: ... That's, like, the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: MeganMama
Categories: California | Drugs | Girls | Stoners | Posted 2008-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Optimum Condition for Religious Instruction
Guy #1: Dude, you look tired today.
Guy #2: Nope, just stoned.
Guy #1: Oh, true.
Religion class, All Saints High School
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: freshman whisperer
The Best Pennsylvania Has to Offer
Thugette #1: Girl, you slept wif him?!
Thugette #2: I know -- he ugly and got crabs, but I made him buy me drugs first.
Thugette #1: True dat.
Campus shuttle, Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Steveo
Categories: Black people | Chicks | Drugs | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Posted 2008-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Throw in a Vibrating Shower-Head and You've Got a Party
Girl: An Ambien in the shower is almost as good as a Screwdriver in the shower.
Lexington, Virginia
Overheard by: Kelly
We Were Supposed to Do That Together
Teen hipster on cell: Mom... Mom! I still have the 10 bucks. I did not spend it on drugs... I did not spend it on drugs!
Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: mightbekatrina
Categories: Drugs | Hipsters | Money | Washington | Posted 2008-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As It Is, I'm Just Going to Nibble on You Instead of Robbing You
Hobo to freshman running by: You're lucky I'm high, kid.
State Street
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Or Just Paddle Each Other Like Usual
Guy: You know what we should do this weekend? Roofie each other to see what it feels like!
Colorado State University
Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Drugs | Frat boy types | Posted 2008-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eliot Spitzer's next big target
Thugette: Yo, I think Diet Coke got some nicotine in it, 'cause I can't stop drinking it!
Thug: Yeah, for real. They still must be puttin' some coke in that jank.
Passerby: It's called caffeine.
9th & M Streets
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Erika
Categories: Drugs | Thugs | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No, Man, I Just Went Skiing
Chef #1: So, were you on the old devil's dandruff over the weekend? The old Colombian marching powder? [Chef #2 stares blankly and silently.] Is that a yes?
Belfast City Centre
United Kingdom
Some Lines Are More Important Than Others
Queer to another: Wait -- you traded Botox for coke?!
Universal CityWalk
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Gluey
Categories: California | Drugs | Gossip | Queers | Posted 2007-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Huffing Is a Privilege, Not a Right
Mom to little boy: Son, come get in this car right now and I'll give you your glue...
Annapolis Mall
Maryland
Overheard by: Lila K
Whereas the Pot Dealers Will Often Take Cookies
Professor of Physiological Psychology: ... And that's why you go down to the crackhouse with a wad of cash.
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Drugs | New Jersey | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... On What It's Laced With
Guy #1: Me and Jeff and doin' some drugs tonight. Wanna come?
Guy #2: I don't do drugs.
Guy #1: You smoked pot with me the other day.
Guy #2: Weed isn't a drug.
Guy #1: Yes, it is!
Guy #2: No, it's not... [To passerby] Is weed a drug?
Passerby: Depends.
Holy Trinity Catholic High School
Kanata, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: RG
The Devastating Effects of Calicocaine
Teen girl: I am so strung out on kittens right now, it's not even funny.
High school classroom
Aurora, Colorado
At the Algonquin Round Table
Chick #1: Are you drunk?
Chick #2: Just a little. I only had two drinks!
Chick #1: What about you?
Chick #3: No, I ate a pot brownie! I made them all by myself! I'm so proud!
O'Colly newsroom, Oklahoma State University
Oklahoma
Overheard by: The Designated Driver
Categories: Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Oklahoma | Posted 2007-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Take Nicole Richie
Chick #1: Did you watch America's Got Talent?
Chick #2: No.
Chick #1: There was this saxophone guy who was totally on crack or something.
Chick #2: Everybody on crack thinks they have talent.
Florida Mall
Orlando, Florida
Or It'll Validate and Reinforce His Behavior. But Still, Sex!
20-ish girl: I know it's stupid since he keeps dicking me around, but I really just want to have sex with him. Maybe if I have sex with him I could hook him!
Friend: You could hook him? Like drugs?
20-ish girl: Yeah! Like, maybe my vagina would be like crack to him...
Bar
Bel Air, Maryland
... Somewhere Other Than a Cubicle
50-year-old woman: I can't wait to retire so I can drop acid.
Spokane, Washington
Categories: Drugs | Ladies who lunch | Washington | Posted 2007-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Else Do You Explain Revelations?
Guy to friend: You open the Bible and you tell me where it says that Jesus Christ says it's okay to smoke crack!
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Passing Jogger
The Road to Hell Is Too Much Fucking Work
Burner chick: Yeah, I was going to run around the desert naked on drugs last night, but I just never got around to it.
Burning Man
Black Rock City, Nevada
Overheard by: McNasty
Categories: Chicks | Drugs | Nevada | Time Management | Posted 2007-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
MyTwo Top Needs
Undergrad #1: A computer man! You gotta get your e-mail.
Undergrad #2: A computer?! If you're homeless, a computer is the least of your worries. There are more important things you would need, like food and crack.
Outside Enterprise Hall, George Mason University
Virginia
Overheard by: Grad Student
To Protect and Pass Out in a Puddle of His Own Vomit
Cop #1: C'mon, c'mon, admit it!
Cop #2: Fine! I wish I was on OxyContin right now, okay?!
San Rafael, California
Overheard by: Alex Silver
Categories: California | Cops | Drugs | Posted 2007-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Want to Turn My Grapes into Raisins
Young suit #1: Oh, yeah, I start my steroids tomorrow.
Young suit #2: Oh, that's good. I need to do that.
Northeastern University
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rose
Categories: Drugs | Massachusetts | Suits | Posted 2007-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Decided Her True Love Was Air Traffic Control
Hipster: Yeah, well, at least she stopped huffing paint.
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: anonymous