Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

If You Don't, Try the Cafeteria's Amphetameatloaf

History teacher (hanging up posters with spray adhesive): If ya'll get high from this, you're welcome.

High School
Columbia, South Carolina

Overheard by: thank you!

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We Prefer 'Hoboes'-- but Thanks for the Weed!

Stoner #1: The other day I saw this homeless guy, and I felt bad, and I had just bought a stack, so I gave him some weed. He was like: "Thank you very much."
Stoner #2: Are you serious?
Stoner #1: Yeah. I don't care what anybody says, that was the most down shit ever. I fucking love bums.

Chino, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Guess That's What They Want. What They Really, Really Want

Random guy, outside bank: I don't get it! It's like they're spending their money on Spice Girls tickets instead of drugs!

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: irina

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Your Soul Is Irredeemably Banal

Spaced-out kid: And I think it was some kind of message in that out-of-body experience. Like, it was my soul trying to tell me that after I finished puking, I should take a shower.
Teenage queer: Your dreams are fucked.

St. Andrew's College
Aurora
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

She Was Extolling the Virtues Of Her HMO

Mother to son: I'm not sure, but I think grandma was high.

Union Station
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Seska

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

When Shown That They Do Exist, He Fainted

Grungy dude, pointing to expensive vacuum: You should get this one. It sucks up everything!
Girlfriend: Yeah, but I don't have much carpet. I need, like, a Broom Vac or something.
Grungy dude: A Broom Vac?! Put down the crack pipe!

Target
Baltimore, Maryland

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Which Also Explains the Peanut Butter Smears

College student: That one answer is wrong. You put a nine instead of a six.
Professor: I was probably stoned at the time.

Sussex, New Jersey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Everyone's a Beautiful Woman After 12 Tequila Shots

Drunk guy on cell: Dad, I can't talk right now, I'm surrounded by FBI agents, but I've got your $100, your beer, and your marijuana. Oh, and your toilet paper. [Pause.] No, dad, FBI agents. [Pause.] I don't know, they're all beautiful women.

B Line
Boston, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Wanna See Some Wallet Photos from the Huffing Years?

Girl#1: I mean, my parents have no money now. Dad lost it in his "snort" phase.
Girl#2: My mom had that phase, but now she's just into the "prescription" phase.
Girl#3: That's a great phase.

Banana Republic
Kitchener
Canada

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Despite What You Guys Promised Me

Professor: I'm on drugs... And they're not fun.

Ohio University
Athens, Ohio

Overheard by: thereallc

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Told You When God Closes a Door, He Opens a Window

Father: So, any luck with finding a jacket?
Teenage daughter: No, but somebody tried to sell me drugs.
Father: Well, that's something.

Victoria Market
Melbourne
Australia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Now Aren't You Glad We Went Through My Daughter's Sock Drawer?

Middle-aged woman, to older woman: Those were some really good drugs!

Dunkin' Donuts
University of Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Wanted You to Understand How It Felt to Read Your Term Papers

Professor: I think I popped a few Oxycontins before I wrote this so it might not make any sense.

Salem State College
Salem, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

My Point Exactly

Stoner #1: Yo, what time is it?
Stoner #2: Oh! I know, right?

Roslindale, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Drugging Miss Daisy

Old white lady, leaving table with a flourish: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom to shoot up.

Lemongrass
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Loves Her Some Thai Food

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Low-Maintenance People Live Longer, Anyway

Little old lady: I'm not a Pina Colada type. Give me a Coors Light and a nice doobie and I'm good.

Women's Gym
Studio City, California

Overheard by: urzzz

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And You're Spilling My Martini!

Kid: I want to go swimming!
Dad: They don't have any smoking rooms here, and I gotta smoke. We have to go somewhere else.
Kid: Can't you just go outside and smoke?
Dad: It's snowing outside! You'd like it if I had to go out in the cold and snow just so you could go swimming, wouldn't you?
Kid: But they have a pool here! I want to go in the pool!
Dad: That's all you do... All you do is think about yourself! I gotta smoke!

204 Hendersonville Road
Asheville, North Carolina

Overheard by: Taryn

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

They're Instrumental in Getting High?

Professor: So the wars of opium wars were fought because the Chinese didn't want their citizens smoking their bongos and being loopy.
Student: Wait, bongos?
Professor: Yeah those pipe things... Bongos, right?

Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: Erika

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Christian Discovers He Has a Vocation for the Priesthood

Gay boy: ... And I woke up and my room was filled with red buttons and ears of corn, then my comforter turned into a giant lake, and three purple rhinoceroses just like rose out of it! And--
Girlfriend #1: No, Christian, there is no such thing as rhinoceroses. The plural of "rhinoceros" is "rhinocerii".
Girlfriend #2: Stacy... I don't think that's right... I think it may be "rhinos-"
Girlfriend #1: Courtney, that's ridiculous, we're being serious here...
Gay boy: Okay, guys! It doesn't matter. Anyway, back to the story... The weirdest part is, after all that happened, I thought I liked girls...
Girlfriend #1 and girlfriend #2: Wow... That is strange...

Huntington Movie Theater
Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Mo

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

She Keeps a Cyanide One in Her Desk for Emergencies

Student: What are you eating?
Teacher: My bracelet... it's made of anti-depressants.

Tucson, Arizona

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In Kansas, Recreational Eating Goes Extreme

Stoner #1: ... And it burned the whole way down! Seriously, I think my throat hemorrhaged.
Stoner #2: Well at least you didn't eat nine bowls of pudding.

Kansas State University, Manhattan

Overheard by: I wish I heard the beginning...

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Me and My Cocaine Fork Will Be Just Fine

Girl: But I'm graduating soon, so I don't need spoons anymore!

Montclair State University
New Jersey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

One of the Perks of Dating Helen Keller

Smug TA: While I was with her I was doing crack. She had no idea.

Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But You're Probably at Least Drunk

Professor: You may not be the target audience. You may not be on drugs!

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Nik

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So Then He Stabbed Me

Chatty chick: ... And he called me a drunk! I mean, I am a drunk, but I'm a functional drunk. I told him everyone loves drunks but nobody loves a crackhead... I don't even care if I get a beer belly! Someone will still love me and rub my beer belly!

22 Fillmore bus
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: melissa

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

A.K.A. Sunburned Cock

Meathead: Those guys are steroid monkeys.
Girl: Oh... So, you don't do steroids?
Meathead: No, girl, I eat grilled chicken.

1400 East 6th Street
Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: dana

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Now I Only Eat It

Dude #1: So, when the hell did you start smoking cigarettes?
Dude #2: Last week.
Dude #1: Why the hell did you do that?
Dude #2: I wanna stop smoking pot.

University of Miami
Miami, Florida

Overheard by: Stosh

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We Take It Ourselves

Meth user: Am I too late to get my methadone?
Young pharmacist: Yes. After five p.m. we dump all the methadone down the drain.
Meth user, very nervous: Are you kidding?!
Young pharmacist, laughing: Yes, I am.

Fort Erie, Ontario
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Just Need It to Happen before He Finds Jesus

Chick on cell: Well, they had their flaws, but you know what I mean... I was thinking about Mike last night. Oh, how I would like to get back with him now that I'm kind of looking for a relationship and he's not on speed anymore...

Oklahoma

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'm Still Not Sharing with You.

Girl: Don't worry, I won't be lonely tonight. I've got a date with a gravity bong.
Stoner guy: ... That's, like, the sweetest thing I've ever heard.

Sacramento, California

Overheard by: MeganMama

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Optimum Condition for Religious Instruction

Guy #1: Dude, you look tired today.
Guy #2: Nope, just stoned.
Guy #1: Oh, true.

Religion class, All Saints High School
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: freshman whisperer

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Best Pennsylvania Has to Offer

Thugette #1: Girl, you slept wif him?!
Thugette #2: I know -- he ugly and got crabs, but I made him buy me drugs first.
Thugette #1: True dat.

Campus shuttle, Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Steveo

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Throw in a Vibrating Shower-Head and You've Got a Party

Girl: An Ambien in the shower is almost as good as a Screwdriver in the shower.

Lexington, Virginia

Overheard by: Kelly

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We Were Supposed to Do That Together

Teen hipster on cell: Mom... Mom! I still have the 10 bucks. I did not spend it on drugs... I did not spend it on drugs!

Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: mightbekatrina

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

As It Is, I'm Just Going to Nibble on You Instead of Robbing You

Hobo to freshman running by: You're lucky I'm high, kid.

State Street
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Or Just Paddle Each Other Like Usual

Guy: You know what we should do this weekend? Roofie each other to see what it feels like!

Colorado State University
Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Eliot Spitzer's next big target

Thugette: Yo, I think Diet Coke got some nicotine in it, 'cause I can't stop drinking it!
Thug: Yeah, for real. They still must be puttin' some coke in that jank.
Passerby: It's called caffeine.

9th & M Streets
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Erika

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

No, Man, I Just Went Skiing

Chef #1: So, were you on the old devil's dandruff over the weekend? The old Colombian marching powder? [Chef #2 stares blankly and silently.] Is that a yes?

Belfast City Centre
United Kingdom

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Some Lines Are More Important Than Others

Queer to another: Wait -- you traded Botox for coke?!

Universal CityWalk
Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Gluey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Huffing Is a Privilege, Not a Right

Mom to little boy: Son, come get in this car right now and I'll give you your glue...

Annapolis Mall
Maryland

Overheard by: Lila K

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?