Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

Later, They'd Vomit Up Quarters

Drunk girl #1: I'm Wells Fargo!
Drunk girl #2: Really? I'm Wells Fargo, too!
(they gleefully skip off together)

Pearl St Mall
Boulder, Colorado

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Roman Polanski's Legacy

Drunken, nostalgic girl #1: So, did you guys end up getting anywhere?
Drunken, nostalgic girl #2: No, I was thirteen!
Drunken, nostalgic girl #1: Yeah, but you didn't do anything? Like, not even touch his dick?
Drunken, nostalgic girl #2: I don't know, I was drunk!

Vincennes, Indiana

Overheard by: 202 Tavern Girl

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From Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Giving Head

Girl #1: Well, you know she gave that guy a blow job when three other people were in the room. Someone was bound to find out.
Girl #2: I've never even done it in front of people.
Girl #1: Me either, I'm not that slutty.
Younger girl with them: Oh, guess just me then?
Girl #1: You gave someone a blowjob with people watching?!
Younger girl: Uh, yeah. Back when I was 15 and drunk.
Girl #1: I'm your aunt: should you really have told me that, McSlutty?

Park
San Diego, California

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Card: I Miss You, Baby, in My Bed/ I Miss My Liver, 'cause It's Dead

Girl: So I asked him: "When are you going to come back for a reunion? I miss you!" and he was like: "I miss you so much I've had to replace you with alcohol." That's like, the biggest, best compliment ever! They should make a Hallmark card that says that.

West Lafayette, Indianapolis

Overheard by: Kolja

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Hot!

Guy #1: So he lit the shot on fire and when he went to take it, part of it got on his face and instead of swallowing, he spat it everywhere and it all caught on fire.
Guy #2: Yeah, I bet he got laid that night, though.
Girl: Where, in the burn unit?

Houston, Texas

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It Doesn't Come Up Much, but a Rule Is a Rule

Student: Yeah... I don't really take advice from a kid wearing a winter hat indoors, drinking white grape juice out of a measuring cup.

SUNY Cortland
Cortland, New York

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So If Anyone Requires a Strip-o-Gram...

Law professor: I don't get paid very well at this job. And I need beer money.

SFSU
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: RL

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They Have a Cool Little Hotspot Called Bar Nun

Balding yuppie guy on cell: All things being equal, I would like to drink.
(pause)
Balding yuppie guy on cell: Oh, so you guys are drinking in the convent?

Saxby's Coffee
Georgetown, Washington, DC

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And Letting My Baby Steer

College girl to friend: He's a really scary driver. He'll go fifty on gravel roads. I mean, I go fifty on gravel roads, but only if I'm really, really drunk.

El Rancho
Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: RW

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I Have... a Drinking Problem

Obscenely tall man: I'm sorry. This is really random, but I was just drinking a milkshake. And... I think I spilled some on my head. Can you check it out for me?

University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia

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I Drink Constantly, Though

Guy: You know, I'm usually anti-slavery... Except when I drink, then I'm all for it.

Bar
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

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But They Look Fantastic the Whole Time

Professor: The Swedes. They look at the glaciers, go inside, watch a Bergman film, have a heavy drink, then have some sex in the sauna, but ultimately that is unsatisfying, so they kill themselves.

Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: Secret Spy

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I Suppose I Could Have One of My Concubines Answer Them, Though

Student: Professor, will you be able to answer e-mails while you are away, since our final is in a week?
Uncomfortable Japanese professor with strange British/Japanese accent: No, I will not be able to answer students' e-mails because most of the time I come home I am drunk.
Students: [Incredulous silence. Laughter.]

Philosophy class
McGill University
Canadia

Overheard by: student who hated this prof until this comment...

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Hint Hint, Those of You Who Want to Pass This Class

College professor: I wish there was a gas station on the corner that had a cigarette bar, and an espresso bar, and a drive-up liquor store. I would go there all the time, especially if I could just drive up and get my liquor.

Rochester Institute of Technology
Henrietta, New York

Overheard by: Concerned Student

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A Family Tradition I've Been Staunch about Continuing

Drunk woman: ... And that's how my parents hooked up! My dad was a drunk dialer!

Outside George's
Waco, Texas

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Low-Maintenance People Live Longer, Anyway

Little old lady: I'm not a Pina Colada type. Give me a Coors Light and a nice doobie and I'm good.

Women's Gym
Studio City, California

Overheard by: urzzz

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Was I Awake?

Tipsy girlfriend, playing "Never Have I Ever": Never have I ever done 69 with anyone.
Boyfriend: Ping.
Girlfriend: What?! Who did you 69?!
Boyfriend: You, fool!
Girlfriend: Oh.

Ohio University
Athens, Ohio

Overheard by: outfirst

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How Jessie Got Us Arrested

[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]
Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We're all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you're 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you're 37 and looking for a boyfriend!

Madison, Wisconsin

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Is That Yiddish for "a Moment"?

Tall gay 20-something male on cell: My niece died. I need a Fresca.

CVS
Boston, Massachusetts

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Stop Being White in Popeye's!

Black girl #1: Okay, I know what I'm getting. Do you know what you're getting?
White girl: I've never been here before. Let me look for a while. [Pauses, then yells.] Wait a minute! Popeye's a sailor; Why does he sell chicken?
Black girl #2: Oh my god, shut up now or no more vodka for you for the rest of the night!
White girl: Okay. [Giggles.] I'm sorry.
[Black girls start talking to each other.]
White girl, yelling: Why are there no white people in here?!
Black girl #1: Aww fuck, take her outside to the car. This is her first and last time ever coming here!

Popeye's
Trenton, New Jersey

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It Could Be Related to the Drinking, But I'll Need to Do More Empirical Tests

Dude #1: Man, I got so drunk on Saturday.
Dude #2: Did you pee your pants again?
Dude #1: No. [Dude #2 stares at him.] ... Yes.
Dude #2: What's wrong with you?
Dude #1: I don't know.

Lake View Terrace, California

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As Demanded by the Quality of Your Recent Essays

Professor: Okay, time to get back to class.
Student: But this conversation is so rewarding.
Professor: Sorry, but some of us have to go out drinking later tonight.

Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com

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Yes, the Naked Guy in the Back --Question?

Professor: If you want to get drunk and run around your house naked in your free time that's your own business, but you're not going to do that at work when you're in public.

Metropolitan State College of Denver
Denver, Colorado

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Oh, Niles Crane, We've Missed You So

Middle aged yuppie on cell: You know what we need? An emergency wine kit.

Outside the Coliseum
Oakland, California

Overheard by: Danial

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Are You Trying to Jumpstart the Cat Again?

Young woman on cell: Did you just say "The cables must be subjugated"? Uh huh... Okay... Yeah, I don't think you're okay to drive either.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Nic

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And Can I Use Your Leg As a Scratching Post?

Patron #1: Keith is really sorry to have acted like that.
Bartender: Does he even realize how drunk he was?
Patron #1: I'm just saying, that is not the Keith we know
Patron #2: [starts laughing].
Bartender: Well, he is a nice guy, he just gets too drunk.
Patron #1: I'm just letting you know, that according to all the cats he knows, you are the meow [makes a pawing gesture].
Bartender: Okay, how drunk are you?
Patron #2: He doesn't even know who Keith is.
Patron #1: Where are we?

Bennigans
Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Chris

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We're Getting Closer to an Answer All the Time

Guy #1: How much have you had to drink?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: But how many?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: Yeah, how many beers have you had?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: How many have you had though?
Guy #2: I'm only drinking beers tonight.

Pinehaven
New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

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If You Require Further Explanation, You Definitely Need to Attend.

Hot chick: I'm having a fantasia party; I made it a facebook event: Are you going to come?
Clueless girl: Whats a fantasia party?
Hot chick: Its for like chicks only, you hang out, drink and buy naughty stuff.
Clueless girl: I don't get it?
Hot chick: What's there to get? You come to my place, get drunk and buy sexy, naughty things?
Clueless girl: I still don't get it.
Hot chick: Holy fuck! Its like a Tupperware party -only with dildos!

Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Make Mine 9 Inches!

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The Polaroids Scattered Around the Kitchen

Girl #1: So, how did she find out?
Girl #2: I was right in the middle of vomiting and my mom opened the door and said, 'You've been binge drinking and having unprotected sex?!'
Girl #1: ... So, how did she find out?

College of Charleston
Charleston, South Carolina

Overheard by: Addison

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... Actually, Can I Just Get a Hot Chocolate?

Customer: I'd like some tea... Organic mint, please.
Barista: Okay, we have organic lemon and organic Earl Grey.
Customer: Um... Actually, I wanted the organic mint.
Barista: Oh, we have that, too.
Customer: Okay, then. That's the one I'll have.

Design Coffee shop, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Just Me

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"Action" Might Be Overstating It a Bit

Girl: Wait, I got some action from Alex* once when he was drunk... Does that make me a predator?
Guy: No, guys don't really mind being taken advantage of.
Girl: Well, because he did pass out on me...

Oak Park, Illinois

Overheard by: Erin

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Guy: Mind! I Said I Wouldn't Mind!

Drunk girl on cell: What? ... I'm so drunk I can't even hear... I want to do naughty things to you... So, you're saying if I were to lick and suck you, you wouldn't care?

Fiddler's Green
Winter Park, Florida

Overheard by: grossed out because she's not even cute

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Could've Been Ugly If She Hadn't Been Lactating, Though

Guy at dinner: Yeah, we figured we'd just have a low key night with just a few beers and some margaritas, but then Ann* was like, 'Wow, I haven't had any liquor in two months!' so the next thing you know, we're dropping 60 bucks at the liquor store, then the backyard porch swing's on fire... It was a pretty fun night.

Arlington, Virginia

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And Enough Working Fingers to Run It?

Chick to group preparing to light vodka on fire: How many times has setting alcohol on fire gone horribly wrong for us?
Guy: You're right. That said, who has a camera?

Carleton University
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia

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So I Never Get to Use Them

Hoochie: I do have good morals, I'm just really drunk all the time.

Washington and Lee University
Lexington, Virginia

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America, Encapsulated.

Sorority chick #1: Hey, you know there's Bible study in my room at eight tonight?
Sorority chick #2: Hmmm, eight? Okay, I guess I can come.
Sorority chick #1: And then we can go get wasted!

Ladies' locker room, University of Tennessee
Knoxville, Tennessee

Overheard by: New Yorker

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And I Don't Like the Way the Air Is Looking at Me

Sorority girl: I