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But This Place Doesn't Sell Rolling Paper
Teenage girl: How about a duke shot glass?
Friend: How old is your brother?
Teenage girl: 12.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: start em young
Categories: Age and ageing | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2011-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Before Harry Hole Joined the Police Force
Sheepish-looking PhD student coming out of washroom: Oh yes! I wasn't taking a shower with a glass of chardonnay! By "wasn't" I mean "was", by "taking a shower" I mean "taking a dump", and by "glass" I mean "bottle". (long pause, looking down the hall) I was taking a dump with a bottle of chardonnay!
University of Northern Norway
Norway
The Wine Will Reveal Her True Self.
Father to young daughter in department store: I'm just going to get her a bottle of wine since I don't know what a coverup is.
Falls Church, Virginia
Categories: Clothes | Dads | Drinking & drunks | Gifts | Virginia | Posted 2011-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Are You Fingering Me?
Drunk guy: Do you hate me?
Drunk girl: No, no, I really don't.
Drunk guy: I always thought you did.
Drunk girl: No. (pause) I mean you're not my favorite person, but I like you fine.
Drunk guy: So we're friends?
Drunk girl: Definitely friends.
Drunk guy: Hug? To celebrate our new-found friendship?
Drunk girl: Sure (hugs him)
Drunk guy: Awesome! I'm so happy we're friends!
Drunk girl: Me too! (pause) I'm so drunk right now...
Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Australia | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Feelings | Questions | Posted 2011-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Alcohol Helps You Deal with the Strange.
Guy in pub, having just arrived at the table where his friends are: I have had the strangest day, and I'm not even drunk yet.
Canterbury
England
Overheard by: Noel
Categories: Drinking & drunks | England | Feelings | Guys | Weirdness | Posted 2011-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The People Look Cold and Frothy.
Man in pub, to friend: Oh, they look nice! (pause) The beers, I mean, not the people.
Shout-out: www.violaraptor.co.uk
Overheard by: Raptor
Categories: Beauty | Drinking & drunks | Other sites | Weirdness | Posted 2011-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Schoolhouse Rock Was Born
Girl: I feel rather drunk at this conjuncture!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Character | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Girls | Illinois | Posted 2011-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What? I'm an Adult in the Eyes Of the Church!
Newly confirmed 15-year-old: Man, hangovers suck.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Overheard in Minneapolis | Philosophy | Teens | Posted 2011-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Get Your Stomach Pumped, You Can Write All About That in Your Essay
Girl to guy: You shouldn't be worried about getting into med school. You should be, like, worried about getting alcohol poisoning over the weekend.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: Brent
Categories: Advice | Drinking & drunks | Education | Girls | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2011-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, It's a Shit Party in Your Pants, Dude
Girl at party: For the last time: I am not interested in you. You're too short, too fat and too drunk!
Guy, defiantly: I'm not drunk! If I was drunk, I wouldn't think you were so fucking ugly!
(girl storms off angrily)
Guy, to himself: It's a shit party when the ugliest bitch at the party ain't a sure thing!!
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Scotty
...Without Me.
Girl on phone: I was like, "you're already drunk. You're using the death of Osama Bin Laden to get drunk at 10 in the morning."
University of Denver, Colorado
Categories: About celebrities | Colorado | Death & dying | Drinking & drunks | Girls | On the phone | Posted 2011-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Only Breastfeeding Porn Were a Mass Market Item
Drunk girl: I think... If I didn't have a family I would be a porn star.
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Pennsylvania | Porn | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Nation, Under Beer...
Guy #1: This root beer is really... inspirational.
Guy #2, thoughtfully: Canadians like all types of beer...
Hot Docs Festival
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Felicity Thistle
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Guys | Philosophy | Posted 2011-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Reruns Of House *Count* As "Research," Right?
Drunk girl: I teach! I teach AP bio kids. They ask so many smart questions. (thoughtful pause) I make things up all the time.
Friend: You make things up??
Drunk girl: I just say "according to my research." (shrugs, laughs hysterically)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bragging | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Education | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2011-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...He's a Keeper, Abby!
Girl #1: And like, he gets me so drunk that when I get off I barf!
Girl #2: Wow!
Ottawa
Canadia
Overheard by: Chiz
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Getting off | Girls | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jason's Pick-Up Strategy Is Full Of Holes
Drunk frat boy, yelling to group: Is it someone's birthday?
Cute girl: Yeah! Mine!
Drunk frat boy: How old are you? 19?
Girl: 22.
Drunk frat boy: Oh, I was confused. I was wondering how you could have gotten so drunk if you were 19.
Girl: We're not drunk.
Drunk frat boy: Oh. Well, we are!
Mini Golf Course
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Categories: Age and ageing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Frat boy types | Girls | Minnesota | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2011-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Want Us to Go Home and Change?!
Super drunk girls to random dude passing by: Could you take our picture?
Random dude: Sure, no problem! (pause) Three... Two... But try not to look too whorish...
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Offended on their behalf
Categories: Advice | Compliments | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Washington | Posted 2011-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"...Use Your Afterlife Rollover Minutes"
Sorostitute, about bender: So what time does it start?
Frat boy: I've set my alarm for 9 am. We'll start then. We've got two kegs in and two cases of tequila.
Sorostitute: I'm such a lightweight. I'll probably be passed out by 11. My roommate said "please don't die. If you die, call me."
Penn State University
Categories: Death & dying | Drinking & drunks | Frat boy types | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2011-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Still Think You Miss Your 20s?
Girlfriend: That's your last drink tonight.
Boyfriend: What? Why?
Girlfriend: Why? Because I don't want to fuck a limp dick and then deal with you shitting yourself again. That's why.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Deedle
Categories: California | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Penis | Sex | Threats | Wishes | Posted 2011-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe Getting Some Hair Extensions
Elderly lady to another: I wonder what God's doing right now. Probably drunk, celebrating his 400th birthday.
Washingtonville, New York
Overheard by: Trisha
What the Fuck Is Going on in Leamington Spa??
Very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt #1, singing: Fill my hole, fill my hole, fill my hole, fuh-uh-illlll my hole!
Very drunk 20-something in miniskirt #2#: Becky*! Don't sing that!
Very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt #1#, singing off key: But I just waaaaant you to fuh-illll mah ho-alll!
Very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt #2# to passing man: She's training to be a vet. She's not usually like this, she's had a bit too much to drink.
Man: Yeah... She wants someone to fill her hole.
Very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt #1#: I'm not drunk!
Man: I believe you.
(very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt 1# holds hand over mouth and impressively sprays vomit in five directions)
Very drunk 20-something in miniskirt #2#: Becky*, I think we're going to have to get a taxi...
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Seems to Be a Common Theme
Guy on phone: So what are we doing after bible study? Beers? Ladies?
Arizona State University
Overheard by: Tiffany
Categories: Arizona | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | On the phone | Religion | Sex | Posted 2011-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Renée Zellweger?
Drunk Asian kid entering kitchen at party: I just went to use the bathroom, but there was some weird Asian girl waiting outside the door.
Sober, bitter girl: Are you sure it wasn't just a mirror?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: bitter girl's roommate
Categories: Asians | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2010-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Else Should I Put on My Resume?
Very loud drunk woman: No, I don't shoot darts, but I'm good at stabbin' people!
Fairborn, Ohio
Overheard by: Monika
How to Enjoy Epcot: Explained
Man #1: Are you having fun?
Man #2: Yeah. Are you having fun?
Man #1: Yeah.
Man #2: Why?
Man #1: 'Cause this is the most sober we're going to be all night.
Epcot
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Maddie
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Florida | Guys | Leisure | Questions | Posted 2010-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Hoped to Outgrow My Vanity, Too
80-year-old grandmother walking feebly down the stairs: I'm not drunk; I'm handicapped.
Daughter assisting her: She's drunk and handicapped.
80-year-old grandmother: Okay. That's true... I just didn't want to bring my cane.
Turner Field, Braves Game
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Drunk, but Not Handicapped
Categories: Age and ageing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Georgia | Maladies | Old folks | Posted 2010-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Wonder Girls Dream About This Their Whole Lives!
Man, indicating the used wedding dress he's wearing: This was the best $35 I've ever spent. I mean, I could have spent it on Jägermeister!
Old Railroad Square
Santa Rosa, California
Categories: Bragging | California | Clothes | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Posted 2010-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jose's My Drug Dealer
Disheveled suit on cell: Hey, I've decided to go home and start drinking. (pause) Yeah, I think Jim, Jack, and Jose can help me work through my problems.
River North
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Illinois | Names | On the phone | Suits | Posted 2010-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: Kathleen Turner Is... Bendy Vadge, P.I.!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy on train: Dude, I totally saw Melissa pee standing up before.
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: That is impossible! Seriously, that doesn't even make any sense! You'd get piss all over your leg!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: No way, I saw her just take one leg out of her pants and prop it up against a tree, and it just shot down! She didn't get any anywhere!
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: Do you even understand female anatomy?! It doesn't work the same way as you! We can't do that! Melissa didn't do that!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: Dude, if you can't pee standing up, then you've just got a bendy vag.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Wizzbiff
Categories: Body parts | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Illinois | Pee | Stoners | Train | Vagina | Posted 2010-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Make Their Own Mayonnaise
Drunk girl: I love the boners that sound like sandwiches! Boner on wheat, boner on rye... That's pretty much it.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Food | Illinois | Posted 2010-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on How I Met Your Motherfucker
Very drunk 20-something girl trying to play darts: So what do I do?
30-something guy #1: Just throw 'em.
30-something guy #2: Failing that, love, just take your top off.
Very drunk 20-something girl: Cheeky motherfucker! Get me a vodka and I'll do it!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | England | Girls | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Sex | Posted 2010-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why I Refuse to Visit Texas: Explained.
Drunk girl: We were around the bonfire eating flamin' hot Cheetos, and then his brother ran around with the gas can, naked.
Trailer Park
Central Texas
Overheard by: HaleyJ
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Family ties | Food | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least This Time We Hit Something Soft
Drunk Canadian to another: I don't get it--every time we drink in the car, something bad happens.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: christine
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Foreigners | Stupidity | Virginia | Posted 2010-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Why Do We Always Go to Gay Bars?
Guy: I told him to stop buying me shots.
Girl: That don't mean you got to drink em'!
Bar
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Money | North Carolina | Posted 2010-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Afraid Beer Had Me
Hobo, surrounded by EMTs and police: Hocus pocus!
Officer: Sir, have you been drinking?
Hobo: Hocus pocus!
Officer: Have you had anything yummy, like beer?
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: nathans
...And No Sharesies!
Guy walking into bathroom: Hey, is that your beer on top of that urinal?
Guy using urinal: You know it!
Prince Edward Tavern
Hamilton
Canadia
Overheard by: M@
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Pee | Questions | Restroom | Posted 2010-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Both Swear They're Straight
Middle aged man: Hey, Jesse! Wanna wrestle?
Shirtless young man: I'll wrestle you if you give me a Jägerbomb!
Middle aged man: You better hurry, we're running out!
Traverse City, Michigan
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Guys | Michigan | Offers and requests | Violence | Posted 2010-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Invited Her?
Drunk guy #1: So what you're saying is, we rip the spine out of a dog?
Drunk guy #2: Yeah, but then you put a robotic spine in. You could get a remote-controlled dog.
Drunk guy #1: Shit, we could control its bark function.
Drunk girl: And make it ski.
Leamington Spa
England
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | England | Health & Hygiene | Stupidity | Posted 2010-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Presenting: the Difference Between Straight and Really Straight
Guy #1, wiping sweat off forehead: Dude, if we hook up with any o' these broads tonight, there's no way we could go down on them.
Guy #2, slamming rest of his drink: Well, maybe you wouldn't. Personally, I don't mind a little gravy on the roast beef.
Guy #1: Jesus, that's fuckin' sick, man! What the fuck is wrong with you?
Six Degrees Bar
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Big D
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Comebacks | Drinking & drunks | Food | Guys | Illinois | Insults | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Questions | Posted 2010-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...What's Next-- You Gonna Audit Me?
Drunk girl stumbling outside bar, dropping purse and chasing after boyfriend: You are the ruiner of fun.
Provincetown, Massachusetts
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Comebacks | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Massachusetts | Relationships | Posted 2010-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Grad School Has Taught Me Anything, It's That You Can.
Teen girl to teen boy: But you can't play spin the bottle with a box of wine!
Giant Eagle
Parma, Ohio
Overheard by: Tmoore
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Ohio | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2010-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on Untrue Blood...
Mother to eight-year-old: Tommy*, get in the picture with your aunt Linda!*
Tommy*: You're hungover!
Mother: Just get in and smile.
Tommy*, indignant: She's not related to me! In what way, shape or form does she share my blood?!
Havre de Grace, Maryland
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Posted 2010-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Never Know When Mr. Right Will Fall Into Your Vagina
Hoochie #1: That's why I don't wear panties with tight skirts; I need maximum mass, maximum jiggle.
Hoochie #2: That's also why you always flashin' your business, looking like a ho.
Hoochie #1: So? What you doing up in that club--gettin' drunk? (laughs)
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Mistopher
Categories: California | Clothes | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Hoochies | Posted 2010-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Two Types Of Party Girl, in a Nutshell
Brunette at party: We need more vodka!
Blonde: I have Ativan.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Girls | Health & Hygiene | San Francisco | Posted 2010-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can't Unring a Bell, Babe
Male bartender: Why'd you open a new grenadine? We have an open one right here. See? Cherry drips all over it.
Female bartender: I got your cherry drips right here. (pause) Wait. Never mind.
St. Louis Park, Minnesota
Overheard by: Whelan
Categories: Bartenders | Cum | Drinking & drunks | Minnesota | Posted 2010-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nobody Expects a Gay Guy to Carry a Speculum
Gay guy: Give me a sip of your drink!
Girl: No!
Gay guy: Give me a sip or I'll bite your cervix!
Military College
Georgia
Overheard by: Amanda
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Georgia | Girls | Offers and requests | Queers | Threats | Violence | Posted 2010-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on The Real Single Moms Of New Jersey
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: C'mon, honey, you'll like it!
Tearful four-year-old boy: I don't wanna!
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: Everyone loves the beer store! (pulls boy into beer kiosk)
Collingswood Auction
Farmingdale, New Jersey
Overheard by: not EVERYONE
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Do Not Want to See the Rest Of the DVD
Drunk mother to son: Look at the two girls at the bar behind you. The one in the blue shirt has huge boobs!
Son to drunk mother: They look familiar.
Foster City, California
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Family | Moms | Rack | Posted 2010-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Going to Congress!
Student to friend: Just put the rape stick in the alcohol bag.
American University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Students | Violence | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Got a Case for Her
Guy to friend looking at beer: Yeah, I better get some if she's coming over. She's the only girl I've ever been with that can drink more than me. Which is kinda scary... and kinda hot.
New Castle, Indiana
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Indiana | Sexuality | Posted 2010-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Still Can't Eat Shirred Eggs
Grungy young man, after loudly prattling on about drinking 12 Smirnoffs a day, weed, and massage therapy: I didn't believe in the inner-spiritual plane until I saw my unborn child's soul whisked away.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Anon Y. Mouse
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Druggies | Drugs | Drunks | Kids | Parenting | Words | Posted 2010-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shhh-- He'll Hear!
Girl #1: You shouldn't drink that. It's bad for the baby.
Girl #2, drinking wine: It better be.
Washington and Lee University
Lexington, Virginia
Overheard by: Eden
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Pregnancy | Virginia | Posted 2010-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whomever It Is, Thank You!
Drunk sorostitute to group of friends: I'm getting boned in the butt! Who's boning me in the butt?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: pob
Categories: Ass | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2010-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Suppose He'll Object to Playing with a White Ball?
Skinny Asian kid buying 24-pack of Keystone Light, to friend: I dunno man. I've never played beer pong against a black dude before.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Asians | Drinking & drunks | Games | Overheard in Minneapolis | Race | Violence | Posted 2010-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bloated Bellies Are the New Six-Pack
Drunk guy holding a forty: Malt liquor. This is going to get us buff, yo.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Stupidity | Posted 2010-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Thought That Was Gin.
Suit to friend: Coffee is like beer for the morning.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Eavesdrop DC | Suits | Posted 2010-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Psh, Paula Abdul's Been Trying to Get Away with That Excuse for Years
Security guy: You fell down the stairs.
Girl, trying to convince him that she's sober: Okay, have a gander at these heels.
Security guy: You were also making out with a man on the couch.
Girl: I'm promiscuous!? All your evidence is circumstantial! See, I'm using words like "promiscuous" and "circumstantial." Have you ever met a drunk person who uses such vocabulary?
Security guy: You exhibit all the signs of intoxication, you are underage, we must ask you to leave.
Girl: For the last time, I'm not drunk! This is just my personality!
Beta Nightclub
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Character | Colorado | Cops | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2010-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whether Real or Imaginary
Professor: It's like trying to make a deity out of a bottle of Stoli at the height of the cold war.
Class: (laughter)
Professor: I know plenty of people who've done that, by the way... And so do you.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | History | Minnesota | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God Bless Chicago.
Train conductor: For those of you who had too much to drink, could you please wake up long enough to present your ticket?
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Conductors | Drinking & drunks | Illinois | Offers and requests | Posted 2010-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Future, Could You Get My Order Right?
Man at bar: Except it wasn't gin and tonic, it was gin and sex.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Posted 2010-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Life Is Sweet; Don't Fuck It Up
Professor: No drinking and driving this weekend! No drugs! ...and no babies.
Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Sara
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Indiana | Pregnancy | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Day I'll Graduate to a Shot Of Tequila and a Strip Of Duct Tape
California blonde: Ohmigod, I wonder what their waxing is like in France?
California brunette: I dunno... I once waxed it all off, though.
California blonde: Really? How? I've only waxed my bikini line.
California brunette: I'd just had three glasses of wine and one of those waxing pots, because my dad's a hairdresser.
Paris
France
Overheard by: Freedom Waxing!
Categories: Drinking & drunks | France | Girls | Hair | Posted 2010-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Nerds Have Sex Dreams
Guy on cell: My rocket scientist shows up, she's drunk! But she's capable.
Cafe
Champaign, Illinois
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Illinois | On the phone | Posted 2010-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Or Retarded
Loud woman with arms in air: Happy New Year! Happy New Year!
Grumpy man: Fuckin' drunks!
Loud woman: I'm not drunk, I'm Canadian!
Canal Street
New Orleans, Louisiana
Categories: Character | Drinking & drunks | Foreigners | Gripes | Grumpies | Insults | Louisiana | Posted 2010-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Should We Really Drink to That?
Girl to friend: I'm not an alcoholic.
Friend: I'm not an alcoholic, either.
Girl: Cheers to us not being alcoholics!
Austin, Texas
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Girls | Pride | Texas | Posted 2010-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Can Easily Transition to Toucan Sam
Guy with empty bud light box on head: I look like Cap'n Crunch!
Marquette, Michigan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Food | Guys | Michigan | Pop culture | Posted 2010-02-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Here, You Drive.
Seven-year-old boy to playmate: Oh, well, I can't. I've had five beers already.
Dallas, Texas
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Texas | Posted 2010-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Jigsaw Killer from Saw Sings "Blue Suede Shoes"
20-something hipster guy: There was the big drill for the alcoholic... Then they busted out the small drill and it was like... woah!
Coffee Shop
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Vanessa
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Hipsters | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Kidneys Will Take That Under Advisement
Man: You don't need that booze!
Woman: I know, but I'm getting it.
Man: Just don't drink the fun out of it.
Edwardsville, Illinois
Overheard by: M
Categories: Advice | Drinking & drunks | Illinois | Women | Posted 2010-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Resolution Remains Intact!
Girl: I haven't drank since New Year's.
Friend: That was yesterday, Tina*.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Girls | New Jersey | Stupidity | Posted 2010-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jo Introduces Herself to Blair for the First Time
College student to roommate: My family heirloom is a neon beer light. And a coffee mug.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Larissa
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Food | Oregon | Students | Posted 2010-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Was Thinking Of a Nice Outing to Pottery Barn.
Girl: Booze!
Masculine gay dude: Fuck, yeah. I just finally finished my antibiotics. I'm gonna go fall off a stripper stage into some tits or somethin'.
Straight friend: Uhhh.
Bangkok
Thailand
Tonight's Movie: Drunkventures in Babysitting
Young mother on phone: Well, tell him if he's going to stay home and get drunk by himself then he can babysit for me.
Wisconsin
Overheard by: smirkburglar
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | On the phone | Parenting | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Didn't Expect the Irish to Be Such Pussies
Coworker: Where were you? You were meant to be in work at 7!
Drunk Slovakian guy arriving at work: I drank Jack Daniels until 5 this morning, then went to bed. I woke at nine and fucked Jane, then got my brother to drop me off at work.
Craigavon
Northern Ireland
Categories: Coworkers | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Family ties | Foreigners | Ireland | Questions | Sex | Posted 2010-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
These New Refrigeration Bras Are Fabulous
Middle-age woman to friend: We're smuggling beer! We're smuggling beer!
Fisherman's Wharf
San Francisco, California
Categories: Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Friends | San Francisco | Women | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
*Facepalm*
Middle aged drunk white lady, seriously: Dude, where's my car?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: unicorn lover
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Whiteys | Women | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No. I Said, "Pass the Bread."
Drunk guy to drunk date: So wait, you want us to be in an anonymous relationship?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: justarrivedtothebarsober
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Relationships | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why AA Gives You a Sponsor and Some New Friends
Girl on bus: I've been trying to quit drinking and she was all like, "have some juice with me!" And then she pulls out a half gallon of vodka, and I'm all, "bitch, what you doing?"
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Bus | Drinking & drunks | Food | Girls | Insults | Washington | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Just Took a Tab Of E=mc2
Girlfriend: I'm gonna grab a beer, you want anything?
Boyfriend: Uhhh, not now. I've got to be a penny-pincher.
Girlfriend, laughing at own comment: Maybe you ought to pinch it so hard it turns into a dollar.
Boyfriend: That's stupid. That doesn't make sense. How would that even happen?
Girlfriend, indignant: I don't know! I'm a physicist, not a scientist!
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Feynman
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Money | Offers and requests | Questions | Science | Posted 2009-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ooh, and Some Scrambled Eggs!
Girl to friend: I'm going to order a pint. Or do we just want to split a pitcher?
Friend: I'm pregnant, remember?
Girl: Oh, yeah. But I thought you were planning to abort it?
Friend: I am. (sighs) Okay, let's get a pitcher.
Bar
Zwankendamme
Belgium
Categories: Abortion | Bars & Clubs | Belgium | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Girls | Pregnancy | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Awfully Peesnickety
Drunk guy: I'm so happy I'm a guy. I don't have to wipe after I pee.
Tipsy girl: You should really wipe if you want Lisa* to suck your dick.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: BJs | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Pee | Penis | Sexuality | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Drink, I Become Fluent in Arabic
Drunk boy, about text message: That doesn't say anything.
Drunk girl: Yes, it does. It says, "hey, what's up?"
Drunk boy: No, it doesn't.
Drunk girl to sober girl: Does this say, "hey, what's up?"
Sober girl: No. It says, "al aloof ah."
Brantford
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Language barrier | Words | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Before Church.
Middle aged woman with grandchildren, at 11:30 am: I just took the kids out to breakfast and now I need to go home and have me a Jack Daniels.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Les
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Food | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Women | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kim Jong-il Actually Pulls Off "Hobo" Flawlessly
Hobo, panhandling to passer-bys: Can anyone spare some change so I can buy a little wine, some booze, some cheese, a little pot... Maybe some nuclear weapons...
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: http://psychedelicmess.blogspot.com
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Food | Hobos | Money | Panhandling | Strangers | Violence | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And What Kind Of a Lame-Ass Answer Is "Energy"?
Tutor: So what are some things you associate with lemons?
Student #1: Yellow!
Student #2: Energy!
Student #3: Gin-an-tonic!
Tutor: What? Genitalia? Who said genitalia?
Massey University
Wellington
New Zealand
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Fruit | New Zealand | Questions | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After You Get Your Rocks Off
Geology teacher: That is dew that is on your glass of joy juice.
Olympia, Washington
Categories: Cum | Drinking & drunks | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though Every Drunken Brawl Is Like a Snowflake.
Female college student: My new thing is going to bed at a decent time when I have class in the morning.
20-something college dropout: My new thing is binge drinking every day. But I guess that's not really new.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: passing out at a decent hour
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Education | Overheard in Minneapolis | Students | Time Management | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think I've Heard This Bob Dylan Song
Drunk guy to group of teens: If you're on the moon and you ain't got no shoes, man, you're outta luck.
Rye, New York
Overheard by: Grizzzly
How Criss Angel Makes a Tidy Profit at Parties
Drunk man at next table: Butterflies out the arse! And I wouldn't have bet 10 bucks on the sonofabitch!
Sushi Bar
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Sushi Enjoyer
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Insects | Insults | Louisiana | Money | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Sense That It's Propping Up My Coffee Table
DJ: And we'll be giving away a free DVD of diary of a mad black woman!
Drunk shirtless redneck, sincerely: Wooooooo! That's my movie! That's my movie!
Screen on the Green, Centennial Park
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Becca
Because I Buy You Drinks?
Girl: Dude, she digs you, why don't you ask her out?
Guy: She's fat.
Girl: You are so fucking pretentious and shallow.
Guy: I'm okay with that. It means I only fuck hotties.
Girl: We fucked, does that mean you think I'm a hottie?
Guy: No, that just means I was drunk and you were willing.
Girl: Why am I friends with you?
Guy: I have no idea.
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Beauty | Colorado | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Insults | Sex | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So It's Likely He's Very Drunk.
Little girl: He's drunk, I swear!
Teenage sister: He's not drunk, he's a foreigner.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Language barrier | Siblings | Teens | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wish I Was a Sociopath Like My Dad
Drunk guy to girlfriend: I care about you a lot. It sucks.
Park Tavern
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Insults | New Jersey | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Altar Boys Know What I'm Talking About
English professor: I know what you're thinking. Two pages! I can write that with half a bottle of whiskey in me and my hands tied behind my back!
Cardinal Stritch University
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Government Job?
Woman on cell: Yeah, I'm on my way to work. I gotta stop for cigarettes and a cocktail.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: aaron
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Overheard in PDX | Smoking | Women | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Where This Sweater Vest Came from
College student: So far, I'm three for three on not knowing who I left with, or how I got there.
Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Frat boy types | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why R.E.M. Established an IQ Prerequisite for Their Fans
Michael Stipe to crowd: This next song is set in the state of Ohio.
Drunk dude: Go Chicago, woooooo!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Geographically Inclined
Categories: Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Music | Stupidity | US Geography | Posted 2009-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Sure Law Enforcement Will Understand
Female law student, after declining jello shot: No, I have to drive you home.
Male law student: I don't want a cranky sober person driving me home!
St. Petersburg, Florida
Focus, Britney!
Female student: I came home last night and found my roommate sitting on the kitchen floor, crying and holding a bottle of Jägermeister and a recipe for homemade enchiladas.
Dumb friend: I didn't know you made enchiladas with Jägermeister.
University of Colorado, Boulder
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Food | Friends | Idiots | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oooh, Lick Your Lips While You Say That!
Drunk girl #1: (blows kiss to construction worker)
Drunk girl #2: You *so* just made his day!
Construction worker: Slut.
Exhibition Street
Melbourne, Australia
Categories: Australia | Construction workers | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Insults | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Sometimes"?
Civil procedure professor: Don't you sometimes think this class would be better if we were all a little inebriated?
Law School
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Education | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, That's What You Said About Anal.
Worldly hipster: Do you drink?
Very naive girl: No, tried it once, didn't like the taste.
Worldly hipster: Do you like tea?
Very naive girl: Yes.
Worldly hipster: Good, then you'll like beer.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: The RJP
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Food | Girls | Hipsters | Ohio | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Do We.
20-something girl on cell: I had the malpractice ball this last weekend. It was in the Weisman Museum... kind of lame, not a lot of space. (pause) But I didn't bring a flask this year, so it was a little conservative, definitely a limited amount of alcohol. (pause) Are you going home for Passover? (pause) Oh my, are you converting? (pause) Yeah, I want to know what this whole Jerry Springer photo thing is all about.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: burrhead
Categories: About celebrities | Drinking & drunks | Girls | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Religion | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is What Fun Is, Son.
Little boy: Ewww... what's that smell?
Slightly tipsy dad: Prolly barf.
Little boy: Yuck! You're gross!
Slightly tipsy dad: What? It's a twins game. People come to get drunk, then they barf, and you smell it. That's how it goes.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that's not why I go to twins games.
Categories: Dads | Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Sally Got Drunk for the First Time
Girl: Do we have any soda?
Guy: We have Pabst. It's pretty much the same.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: sarafist
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Food | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2009-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Alice Passed; Her Liver Failed
Girl, walking across campus with friends: I think two beers and a shot is the perfect amount for that class!
University of Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Education | Friends | Girls | Sorority types | Posted 2009-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe Stop Voting Republican?
Guy: My mom hit my dad with a frying pan. He doesn't have a cheek anymore. It's been entirely restructured. She used to beat the shit out of him! It was so funny. But when he drunk--that's when she'd get a beating.
Girl, sympathetically: Your family...
Guy: Oh, I love my family! I don't know what I'd do without them!
Neptune City, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Relationships | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That What This Is?
Male patron, hitting on girl at bar: Not gonna lie, when I get drunk, I get charming.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: friends of both
Categories: Bosses | Bragging | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Lies | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Swear I Was Aiming for the Bed.
Hungover guy: Yeah man, so it was all good until I got so drunk that I pissed in my oven.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: hah!
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can't Wait for the Swallow-or-Spit Discussion
Instructor, during wine tasting: So swirl the glass and tell me what you smell.
Student: It smells like oak?
Instructor: Yeah! I'm definitely getting wood from this.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: me too
Categories: Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Education | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And a Fun and Flirty One
Girl, returning from holidays in America: So yeah, I got put in actual jail.
Friend: For drinking on the beach?
Girl: Yup, got the orange jumpsuit and all.
Friend: Did you get to keep it?
Girl: I didn't like to ask, to be honest. Would've been a savage souvenir, though.
UCC Campus
Ireland
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Girls | Holidays | Ireland | Questions | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight, on No-Context Theatre...
Guy #1: So, where can we get another guy like Brian to drink a lot of water?
Guy #2: Well, Phyllis is out of work.
Guy #1: Who's Phyllis?
Guy #2: She's this really good PR girl. Like a rotten tomato.
Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sunny
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Food | Guys | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Pregnant?
Girlfriend: You still have Jack Daniels in my fridge! All nice and frozen. Well, it's not frozen because alcohol has a high freezing point, but it's been in there for months so it's as "frozen" as it's gonna get, well, not really because...
Stressed-out boyfriend: Woman! Too many words in that sentence!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Gripes | New Jersey | Science | Words | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doesn't Explain Why Cassie's Eating Everyone's Brain
Guy: Oh, look! It's a full moon. Maybe that's why we're all crazy.
Girl: Maybe it's all the booze and drugs.
Grayling, Michigan
Overheard by: Cabin in the woods
But You're Drunk Now, Amber.
Girl #1: So, yeah, when the cops like think you're kinda drunk or something, they'll get you to do the ABCs.
Girl #2: What? I can't even do that when I'm sober! I'll try now. A, b, c, d, e, f... then j, maybe?
High School Gym Class
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Myr Myr
Categories: Canadia | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Girls | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet the Inventor Of Coaster Pasties
Drunk teacher: Those aren't coasters, they're pasties. (holds them up to her breasts)
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Heather
Categories: California | Clothes | Clothing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Rack | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Explains the Sweatpants
Drunk girl to guy she just met: I'm not having sex with you!
Drunk guy: That's okay, I'm on my period.
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Health & Hygiene | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait-- Purge First!
Drunk girl: Okay... I had three sausages, I gotta go to bed.
Drunk guy: Three? I had like eight shots earlier!
Drunk girl: No. Not shots, sausages.
Drunk guy: Oh my god! You ate three sausages? Go to bed!
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Pukey
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Florida | Food | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're the Worst Fairy Godfather Ever.
Sweet old man: How are ya, girls?
Teen girls: Better if we had some whiskey.
Gold Coast Big Day Out
Australia
Overheard by: yo bitch
Categories: Australia | Drinking & drunks | Old folks | Questions | Teens | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus I Took a Cab
Skinny chick with cigarette on bike to friend she just met up with: Hey! Guess how I got here so fast?
Friend: How?
Skinny chick, enthusiastically: I drink a tonic of strychnine and brandy! Every day!
Mt. Pleasant
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Lance Wriststrong
Categories: Canadia | Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Skinny people | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Props for Not Drinking and Driving, Though
Drunk bus rider #1: Damn, this bus is always so slow!
Drunk bus rider #2: I swear, if I was a wizard, I would turn this bus into a rabbit... But that's fantasy stuff, and I'm not that into fantasy.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Animals | Bus | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Gripes | Magic | Public Transportation | Washington | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Last Time I Let You Dog-Sit.
20-something girl on phone: Okay, how much did she drink? Okay. (pause) Well, can you wake her up? No? (pause) Okay, see, but I don't think it would be a good idea to give her some cocaine.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: frink
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Girls | On the phone | Posted 2009-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With Just a Hint Of Chlamydia
Drunken teenage girl, dancing down the street: I taste like fucking condoms!
Toronto, Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Condoms | Dancing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Sensory experiences | Teens | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perhaps a Brandy Snifter Full Of Ocean Water, Then
Old woman at restaurant: What do you have to drink?
Exasperated waitress: Everything except root beer and chocolate milk.
New Brunswick, Canadia
Categories: Baristas | Canadia | Clients | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Old folks | Posted 2009-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Just on That Lady's Shoes.
Overexcited boy in cafe: Mum, mum, mum! Can I play with my new toy? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Disinterested mum: Sure.
Overexcited boy, holding toy: Look! I'm holding my winkle. And I'm peeing. I'm peeing all over the drinks. There's wee everywhere!
Disinterested mum: No, there isn't.
Kingston-Upon-Thames
England
Overheard by: Ben
Categories: Drinking & drunks | England | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Pee | Should have used a condom | Toys | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Think They're Gay?
Girl drinking outside: It's just, like, I pay rent to live here, I don't want his semen and her little vagina juices everywhere!
Guy drinking outside: I don't think those guys walking by wanted to hear that.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Guy walking by
What Do You Think We Pray For?
Stoner girl #1: What happens at Christian retreats?
Stoner girl #2: You pray and reflect.
Stoner girl #1: Oh. So no beer, then?
Stoner girl #2: Definitely no beer.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Christianity | Drinking & drunks | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Stoners | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Were Sober Enough to Take a Facebook Quiz?
Blonde girl: I did this Facebook quiz the other day: "what kind of drunk are you?' It said that I was a "sexual, entertaining drunk." It knows me so well!
Melbourne
Australia
He'll Be Disappointed When He Learns It Has Nothing to Do With Guns
Youngish mom, enthusiastic: I need shot glasses for work!
Eight-year-old son, excited: I want a shot glass!!
Gift Shop
Branson, Missouri
The Best Part Is, They've Trademarked That Name
Friendly waitress, serious: Would you like to order a happy ending?
Lycoming Mall
Pennsdale, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: DazedinPA
Categories: Baristas | Death & dying | Drinking & drunks | Happiness | Malls | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Words | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Another BBC2 Documentary Fails to Thrill
Respectable, middle-aged woman: I have considered becoming an alcoholic.
Devon
England
Overheard by: Jess
Categories: Drinking & drunks | England | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Early-Morning Orgy Totally Messed with My Schedule
Underage girl, at 6 pm: Man, I knew I should've started drinking at 2!
Glengarry Highland Games
Canadia
Overheard by: is it that boring?
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Teens | Time Management | Posted 2009-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Problem I Can Solve Simply by Getting a Drunker ID
Drunk college dude, explaining how he got kicked out of a club: They looked at my ID, then they looked at my face. My face was not as sober as my ID.
Metro, Orange Line
Washington, DC
Overheard by: funniest Metro ride ever
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Students | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What I Got You Last Year
Drunk male friend: What do you want for your birthday, baby? I can make it happen, just tell me what you want!
Really, really drunk birthday girl, pointing at someone else: I want in that guy's pants!
Norfolk, Virginia
Only in the Holodeck, Though.
Proud girl: Ever since I gave up drinking, I have been drinking so much wine.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Girls | Illinois | Pride | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...She Put Two Drinks Up There?
Sorority girl to another, sitting in booth: Girl, I was double-fisted all night long last night!
Gay dude #1, quite loudly, to gay dude #2: Oh my god! That is so nasty! Who on earth would ever say something like that out in public! I wouldn't want anyone to know that anyone could do anything like that to me, let alone enjoy it! Nasty bitches!
Gay dude #2 to gay dude #1, very quietly: Um, I think she meant she had a drink in both hands, you idiot.
Gay dude #1: Oh.
Chinese Restaurant
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: j-we
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Insults | Kentucky | Masturbation | Queers | Restaurants | Sorority types | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Me Guess-- Rainbow Sherbert?
Drunken girl: I don't know, Luke, I'm just sick and tired of people who want to sit in their rooms and watch YouTube videos and eat sherbert.
Drunken guy: You don't like sherbert?
Drunken girl: No, I like it... but only with adventure.
Drunken guy: I wanted adventure. I feel kind of bad, though, that I didn't experiment enough.
Drunken girl: With what?
Drunken guy: With guys. I don't know, it just hasn't happened.
Drunken girl: Well, don't rush it. If you let it happen naturally, it will.
Drunken guy: But what if I don't like it? And say, "No, this isn't for me"?
Drunken girl: Let's go eat something.
Drunken guy: Sherbert?
Drunken girl: Yep.
Claremont, California
Then There Was the Guy We Stabbed and Stuck in the Dumpster...
Hungover girl #1: I really feel like an ass.
Hungover girl #2: Why do you feel like an ass?
Hungover girl #1: Well I did throw a drink on someone.
Hungover girl #2, nodding: And got kicked out of the bar twice.
Wilmington, North Carolina
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | North Carolina | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Gonna Give Up the Baby Anyway
Teenage girl #1 in high school bathroom: I'm excited that I'm pregnant, it just sucks that I'll have to give up drinking.
Teenage girl #2: Why? I didn't!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: not surprised
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Indiana | Parenting | Questions | Teens | Posted 2009-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Israelis Will Even Give You an Argument About That
Drunk black gangster guy, on Tel Aviv centennial celebration: I am Moses! I am Moses!
(traffic light changes, he throws arms up in air) Israelis, you may now walk!
Tel Aviv
Israel
Overheard by: E-lad
Categories: Black people | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Israel | Religion | Stupidity | Thugs | Posted 2009-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Farting's Bound to Restore the Balance
20-something guy #1, carrying case of beer and bag of onions: You know when your aura gets all out of whack?
20-something guy #2, carrying same: Yeah, you just gotta get it back on track!
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: wondering if beer and onions will be part of the ritual to restore his aura
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Food | Guys | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Further Evidence That Missouri Loves Company
Middle aged man power-walking with friend in the park: I wake up, I drink, and I smoke. Then, I go to work, come home, and drink and then smoke. You wanna know why I do this?
Friend: Why?
Middle aged man: I'm fucking depressed, that's why. So I wake up and do it all over again the next day.
Forest Park
St. Louis, Missouri
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Friends | Jobs & Careers | Maladies | Missouri | Questions | Smoking | Posted 2009-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...After What Happened Last Time?
Sober sorostitute with heavy smoker's voice: Like o-m-g, I just decided on my Halloween costume!
Drunk sorostitute, stamping feet: Oh my god! What?! What what what?
Sober sorostitute: Wait for it...wait for it... Little ho peep!
Drunk sorostitute: Can we have sex with the little ho sheep?
Duke University
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: Disgusted
Categories: Animals | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | North Carolina | Questions | Sex | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are We Playing Hangman in Class, Anyway?
Criminal justice teacher: What do you mean "it doesn't fit"?
Student: The word doesn't match the blanks.
Criminal justice teacher: Hm...I probably wasn't sober when I made this.
Gilbert, Arizona
Overheard by: she's not kidding
Um, I'm Twelve.
Guy on cell: Yeah, well, that sucks that you don't have any friends, but now at least it's legal for you to drink your troubles away!
University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Anne
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Delaware | Drinking & drunks | Gripes | Guys | On the phone | Pity | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And What's That on Your Hamburger?
Chick: Has anyone seen the bottle of fake blood?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Lies | Pennsylvania | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So This Better Be at Least Three Karats.
(drunk boy pulls out diamond ring and offers it to drunk girl)
Drunk girl: Fuck you, Tim! You fell asleep at dinner!
London
England
Overheard by: Tequila Sally
Garfield Would Do Pretty Much Anything for Lasagna
Slightly drunk chick, peering into drink: I think my cat is gay.
Really drunk friend: Hey, heyyyy...
Slightly drunk chick: Or maybe he's just a slut.
The Backdoor
Louisville, Kentucky
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Kentucky | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Get Off That Muffin for a Sec.
Guy #1, smashing grapes: I'm making wine.
Guy #2: That's not how you make wine.
Guy #3: Yeah, you need yeast. Hey, Melissa, come here.
Maryland
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Fruit | Guys | Maryland | Science | Posted 2009-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then Other Times I Vomit
Drunk guy walking past mirror: Man, sometimes I see myself, and I make myself horny.
Hanover College
Hanover, Indiana
Overheard by: Whitney
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Indiana | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I Hooked Up With His Friend
Coed #1: So we're finally officially dating. I mean it's been, like, six months!
Coed #2: Great! That's moving forward!
Coed #1: Yeah. He said the first six months I was on "dating probation" and now I'm on "girlfriend probation." His friend got drunk at the bar and was all like "what, you haven't made her official yet?" so he's like, "you have my friend to thank for this."
UNCG
Greensboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Put him on boyfriend probation
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Default | Drinking & drunks | North Carolina | Questions | Relationships | Students | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As Seen in the Porno Take, Eat, This Is My Booty?
Asian teenage girl: Wait, so did Jesus ejaculate wine?
Starbucks
Red Bank, New Jersey
Categories: Asians | Cum | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Jesus | New Jersey | Questions | Restaurants | Teens | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Says It's a Slurpery Slope
Blonde teenager: Look at her. She's either a whore or a dyke.
Friend: That's why my dad doesn't let me drink Slurpees.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Dylan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Maryland | Offers and requests | Teens | Posted 2009-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or You'll Spill Your Wine
Spanish professor, as class leaves on Friday: Be careful driving when you drink this weekend!
Hanover College
Hanover, Indiana
Overheard by: whitney
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Indiana | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He'd Just Gone Off His Meds-- Whew!
Girl: At first, I was really afraid he was cheating on me, but then I called him the next day and asked him where he was the night before...
Girl's friend: Well, where was he?
Girl: Oh, he was having drinks with John Lennon. I was freaking out for no reason!
New York
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Infidelity | Names | New York | Questions | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Al Gore: "Some Day That'll Be True!"
Afternoon drunk: Nah, man, it's 32. That's freezing. It don't get lower than that.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: colder that him, apparently
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Illinois | Weather | Posted 2009-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Way Home, She Drove Up on a Curb Going Two Miles an Hour.
Soccer mom who was just given champagne by lady doing her nails: This is my first drink in ten months! Oh my god, I'm buying some of this on my way home!
Nail Salon
Cumming, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Georgia | Moms | Offers and requests | Women | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Grabbing Other Women's Butts Is a Cultural Thing.
College girl from England: Hey, whoa, are you drunk?
College girl from Prague: No! I'm Czech!
Royal Holloway University of London
England
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | England | Foreigners | Geography | Girls | Language barrier | Questions | Students | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Plus Side, She Was Doing Some Pretty Nifty Baton Tricks
Security guard to woman who just drove over the curb: Are you drunk?
Woman driver: No, she (points to passenger) was distracting me with my vibrator!
Hospital Parking Lot
Denver, Colorado
Apparently the Grace Period for Blaming the Potato Famine Has Expired
Irishman to friend, huddling under bar's awning during massive downpour: And people wonder why we drink...
Dublin
Ireland
Overheard by: l_tau
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Ireland | Questions | Posted 2009-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Went Into Insulin Shock, the Joke Was on Her!
Loud fat man on bus: When I first found out I had diabetes, I had my wife go out and buy me a big case of pudding cups. I opened each one up and poured them into a tub with some milk.
Friend: Oh?
Loud fat man on bus: My mother-in-law didn't believe I could eat it, but I sat down in front of her and drank the whole thing, just to spite her.
Portland, Oregon
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Fat people | Food | Guys | Maladies | Offers and requests | Oregon | Posted 2009-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That the Nineties Are Over
Drunk teenage boy: Heyyy, ssssuuuuupp, buddd... (stumbles away)
Sober teenage boy: I guess he's too drunk to notice that we're not friends.
Red Bank, New Jersey
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | New Jersey | Relationships | Teens | Words | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wanna Race?
Drunk girl puking in bathroom stall to drunk girl puking in stall next to her: It's okay! I'm throwing up too!
Wake Forest University
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Health & Hygiene | North Carolina | Posted 2009-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...What's Your Thesis Advisor Like?
Guy, walking angrily: She thinks that vampires evolved, so now they can be out in the sun like normal people. She also thinks it's degrading to have sex in any position other than missionary, when she's sober.
University of Delaware
Overheard by: what???
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Delaware | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Sex | Posted 2009-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A...*Cough*...Teabagging Emergency?
British male, contemplating the last two teabags left in the chalet: We'd best save one in case of an emergency.
Orelle
France
Shouldn't There Be an IQ Prerequisite?
Woman: So when are you guys riding?
Man #1: Three weekends from now, or maybe a month...
Woman: Isn't it too cold outside to ride motorcycles?
Man #2: Not if you're drunk!
Downingtown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Crys
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Pennsylvania | Questions | Stupidity | Time Management | Weather | Women | Posted 2009-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then We'll Hold This Nice Man Up.
Father with two small sons dressed in Halloween costumes, walking into liquor store: Okay, guys, now pick out the kind of whiskey you want and go put it up on the counter.
Oshkosh, Wisconsin
Categories: Dads | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Kids | Offers and requests | Stores | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Because That's Our Thing.
Young mother, in baby-talk: Aren't you excited to meet grandma and grandpa at the park? Do you think they're sad and lonely there waiting for us?
Toddler son: Noooo, they're drinking.
Mother, still in baby-talk: You think they're drinking?
St Charles Streetcar
New Orleans, Louisiana
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Feelings | Kids | Kids | Louisiana | Moms | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Notice You Came Up with That Description Awfully Quickly
Dude #1: Dude, are you still drunk?
Dude #2: Maybe a little, how could you tell?
Dude #1: You smell like beer, weed, and hooker spit!
Lecture Hall
University of Tennessee
Overheard by: bluecollarbelle
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Drunks | Guys | Questions | Sensory experiences | Tennessee | Posted 2009-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
First Shoot the Person Who Gave a Kid a Megaphone
Little nine-year-old kid with megaphone: You are going to go to hell, you know! The Apocalypse is coming! Are you ready? If you are drinking, you are a bad mother!
Army man #1, standing nearby: Do we have permission to fire?
Army man #2: I wish.
The Kentucky Derby
Overheard by: Kdub-ya
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Guys |