Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

It's the Greatest Thing Since... You Know

Girlfriend: I think my butt has gotten bigger.
Boyfriend: If that's true, hallelujah. I love big booties.
Girlfriend: David*, this is serious! I think I have been doing so many squats that my butt has lifted and risen... like bread.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: MoMo

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Competing on Any Reality Show, in a Nutshell

Guy: It's like playing hopscotch with your shirt off and the little kids are like: "Mommy, look at his boobies!" and I'm like: "Yeah. Look at my boobies."

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: well that's neat

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Somewhere There's a Live, Cheerful Half of a Rat, and No One Knows How Heavy He Is

Girl #1: And I was like: "How many depressed lab rats do you have to weigh and kill to figure that out?"
Girl #2: What?
Girl #3: 37.5, apparently.

Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota

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She'll Be All, "Help Me, Dr. Phil"!

Guy #1: I love getting Lisa* Taco Bell.
Guy #2: Why's that?
Guy #1: It's gonna get her fat! I'm going to get extra sour cream and she's going to be all like: "Damn, this is delicious!" Meanwhile, she'll be getting fat.

Kangaroo
Gainesville, Florida

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Specifically, a Fatty Boombalatty

Guy: I learned something... What did I learn? I learned that my son is a fatty.

Chick-fil-A
Marietta, Georgia

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I'm Just a Toxic Spill Waiting to Happen

Goth girl, to friend looking at military jackets: You can get those a lot cheaper at goodwill, dude.
Overweight friend: Not in my size! When fat people die, they leak, and then their clothes can't be given to goodwill!

Starfest Sci-Fi Convention
Denver, Colorado

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Do I Have to Rationalize for Everyone in This Family?

Fat kid: Mom, I wanna go on a diet.
Fat mom: You don't need to go on a diet, you're too young!
Fat kid: You aren't too young.
Fat mom: Shush.

Meat Section at Publix
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Trevor Allen

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I Figure Since He Died for Me, I May As Well Give Him Something Nice to Look At

Man: I'm giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you're concerned with your figure?

Starbucks
San Diego, California

Overheard by: Maggie

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This Is a Photo Of a Manatee, Sir

Townie to his friend: Yeah well, just because you don't like your fat wife doesn't mean I don't!

Plaza Restaurant
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Alyssa

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Mmm, Faminelicious.

Chick: Brazilians are the bomb.
Dude: Eastern European chicks are always sooo hot because they can't afford food.

Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com" rel="external">www.overheardatmcgill.com

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Whatever. Starving Children in Nigeria Don't Even Have Earlobes.

Bartender: Geez, Hank, you're looking great these days. Been working out?
Chubby Jewish guy: Yeah. I tell ya, I've been trying to lose the spare tire, but I lost it all in my earlobes instead. It's a cruel world.

Suami's India Garden Resturant
Cincinnati, Ohio

Overheard by: Jeebus McGee

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Anyone Who's Seen Se7en?

Student: Who doesn't want to blow up a fat man before they die?

Ethics class, Oregon State University
Corvallis, Oregon

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Look at Her Walking Around Like She Has a Right to Exist

Biotech: Wow. That girl wears clothes like she's not fat, and that's funny.

California

Overheard by: dev

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Don't Worry, Sweetie, You'll Love the Gym Membership

Wife eating cheeseburger: I know what my New Year's resolution is going to be...
Distracted husband: To lose weight?
Wife: What? No! Why would you say that?! Do you think I'm getting fat?
Husband: Oh! No, no, no -- you're not fat. You're perfect! I love you so much just the way you are.
Wife: Whatever. I better be getting a good fucking Christmas present, and you definitely won't be seeing me naked for a very long time.

Wendy's
New Hartford, New York

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A Moveable Feast?

Fat lady #1: You can not wear that.
Fat lady #2: Shut up. I'm gonna suck it in!

Old Navy, Palisades Center Mall
Nyack, New York

Overheard by: Please Don't

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It Felt Good to Be Different from the English

Artsy girl #1: Hey, remember that time in London when we both thought we had scabies, but we didn't?
Artsy girl #2, sighing: That was one of the best days of my life!

Arcadia University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Hiding my laughter in the photo lab

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And My Kidneys Start Back Up

Princess #1: Oh my god, I have that top in, like, three colors.
Princess #2: Yeah, me, too.
Princess #1: You wanna get some lunch or something?
Princess #2: I can't. When I eat I get bloated.

Broadway Shopping Centre
Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: Ms Dash

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And I Look Delicious

Mom, looking at pot belly hog: Look, this pig is so fat and lazy that it just lays there all day.
Chubby tween son: Yeah, just like me.
Mom, laughing nervously and glancing around: Come on, honey, don't say that. You're nothing like it.
Chubby tween son: Yes, I am, Mom. I'm serious. Don't you see? It's like looking in the mirror.

Donaldson Park Petting Zoo
Highland Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: beginning to see the resemblance

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We Don't Overflow with Each Other Anymore

Old lady with husband talking to head usher: We are in Row C, Seats 22 and 23. Ummm... Do you think we could move our seats? It's just that the lady next to us is rather large, and she is overflowing onto my husband, who is overflowing on to me...

Thousand Islands Play House
Gananoque, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Shmemily

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And Have Liposuction on the Delivery Table

Bimbette on cell: Oh, okay, so she can't gain any more weight. That should be easy -- she's only at the beginning of the pregnancy. She just has to stop eating.

Princeton University
Princeton, New Jersey

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Happens to the Best of Us

Man #1: There is literally a whale driving that car. Through some form of magic, a whale was turned into a woman and is now driving a car!
Man #2: I think the whale looks pretty surprised. I would be, too, if I suddenly got turned into a woman and put in a car!

Shout-out: www.overheardquote.com

Overheard by: wyse

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But Ice Cream Is Medicinal

Girl #1: Really? How did that make you feel?
Girl #2: Fat and guilty.

Student Center, Colorado State University
Fort Collins, Colorado

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Big Pukers, Not So Much

Blonde: I heard guys like big girls now.
Brunette: Excuse me while I vomit.

School bathroom
Newark, New Jersey

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They Pretty Much Assume the Shape of Whatever They Sit or Lie on

Loud woman to friend: So, I'm seeing all these people with waistband numbers in the triple digits, and I wonder how they stay in such a shape, y'know?

Norwood, Massachusetts

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Go Fuck Yourself?

Wife of fat guy: Y'know, honey, I heard on Oprah that every 35 pounds you lose, you gain an inch in penis length.
Fat guy: I know I could stand to lose 70 pounds, but what am I gonna do with a 22-inch dick?

Shout-out: community.livejournal.com

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And, Even Then, Mostly Cock and Ecstasy

Drunk girl #1: God, I hate you. How do you stay so skinny?
Drunk girl #2: I only eat when I'm drunk.

United Kingdom

Overheard by: Nighttime Smoker

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I Wish You Were Fat, Too

Bimbette #1: I wish I was fat.
Bimbette #2: I totally know what you mean.

Dallas, Texas

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Fuck Your Way to a Positive Body Image

Teen: I used to think I was fat, but then I realized I wouldn't have had sex with five guys if I was fat. No one wants to have sex with a fat girl.

Wendy's
New Jersey

Overheard by: BTON

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My Miracle Diet? A Coat Hanger.

Tween #1: I can't believe she called you fat!
Tween #2: Well, I am, but it's because we're freshman -- we haven't lost our baby fat yet.
Tween #1: Well, that's true for you. I'm just fat because I'm pregnant.
Tween #2: Yeah, that too.

Arlington High School
LaGrangeville, New York

Overheard by: draz

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But They Don't Know You Like I Do

Anorexic chick: I'm fat, aren't I? Everyone knows it, too.
Friend: You're not as fat as everyone says.

Irvine Spectrum
Orange County, California

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