Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

Especially When You Use Phrases Like "Nicely Framing Your Package"

Teen boy: You know, I really appreciate you complimenting my baseball skills, but I really don't appreciate you complimenting my boxer choices.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: just trying to get to class...

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'm Not Pregnant!

Old Russian woman: You very strong girl!
Cashier: Thanks.
Old Russian woman: You will birth very easy!
Cashier: Than... wait, what?!

Hannaford
Yarmouth, Maine

Overheard by: Jade

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And He Was All, "But I'm Just the Babysitter!"

Lady to friend: So I told him... ten dollars for a hand job!
Friend: Good for you! What an asshole!

Ashland & North Ave
Chicago, Illinois

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

With the Same Impure Love You Have for Hello Kitty

Hipster guy, earnestly: Yeah, you'll love her; her face is really funny!

16th & Market
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Especially with This Little Pink Bow

Three-year-old boy to grandfather: Do you have a penis?
Grandfather: Yes, I do.
Boy: I have a penis, too. My penis is small. My penis is cute.

Cincinnati, Ohio

Overheard by: Vejewsbian

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Card: I Miss You, Baby, in My Bed/ I Miss My Liver, 'cause It's Dead

Girl: So I asked him: "When are you going to come back for a reunion? I miss you!" and he was like: "I miss you so much I've had to replace you with alcohol." That's like, the biggest, best compliment ever! They should make a Hallmark card that says that.

West Lafayette, Indianapolis

Overheard by: Kolja

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Now I'm Bummed I Didn't Get His Name

Guy #1: Is he good at sex?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy #2: Wow. I'm surprised.
Girl: Honestly, I was too.

San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Really? Now All I Have to Do Is Master Shot Callin' and I Can Die Happy!

Teen cashier at checkout: Are you listening to music on an iPod?
Geriatric customer: It's an iPhone.
Teen cashier: Dude, you're ballin'.

Columbus, Indiana

Overheard by: Hoosier

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Not Even Doggy-Style?

Girl: But she said you were cute.
Guy: Yeah but it's like: puppies are cute, but you don't fuck a puppy.

New York City
New York

Overheard by: I'm more of a cat person...

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Aww, Look at Its Little Fuzzy Valtrex

Girl, observing a display of plush microbes: I want herpes! I think it's so cute!

SUNY
Geneseo, New York

Overheard by: Jeni

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Mark Penn Offered Us $2 Million for This Quote

Black girl to another black girl wearing Obama t-shirt: Girl, what is that on your shirt? Mmmm, Obama is looking all fine up on your chest.

UNC
Greensboro, North Carolina

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Knows All the Homeopathic Crab Remedies

Middle-aged creepster: She was a slut in middle school, so she's my type of girl.

Gentle Bens Brewery
Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: a middle school slut

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Is the Range of Gay Sex Really That Limited?

Straight guy: I really need your advice about this girl.
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: No. Her mom set us up on this date...
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: You just suggested that. I mean, I like her but I definitely don't want to date her, and we're supposed to hang out this weekend, but I don't know what to do with her.
Gay guy: Well, just be like: "Hey, do you want to toss a Frisbee in the arboretum?"
Straight guy: And if she says yes, be like: "Okay, do you want to toss my salad in the arboretum?"
Gay guy: Awesome.

Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: $kank

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Their Lips Say "Shut Up" But Their Eyes Say "Play On!"

Young woman, after graphic conversation about sex and drugs: Do you ever think, while we're talking: "Wow, the people on the train are so lucky to get to listen to us on their morning commute!"?
Older woman: Oh my god, all the time.

Train
Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: catherine

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It's Pretty Much the Short Bus of Hogwarts

Guy #1: Hey, cool! Harry Potter bookmarks! You think they have one for Hufflepuff?
Guy #2: Probably not.
Guy #1: Oh... Do you think it's because nobody cares?

Borders
Tucson, Arizona

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But I Believe That's Your Nipple

Girl, looking down her shirt: I can't tell if that's pork or a hickey.
Friend: You're so awesome!

Bellingham, Washington

Overheard by: Muffler

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Everything She Knows About Homosexuality She Learned from Bravo TV

Bimbette: What's wrong with gay people? Gay people are funny.

Religion Class
El Paso, Texas

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

According to Our Bible --the Josie and the Pussycats Movie

Tween girl #1: Oh my god... You look so orange in that picture!
Tween girl #2: Bitch.
Tween girl #1: No! It's a good thing! Orange is the new pink!

Switzerland

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Day James Stopped Doing Positive Affirmations

20-something guy: My testicles are perfect!
Friends: [Silence.]
50-something lady walking past: [Snicker.]

Cork
Ireland

Overheard by: sarah

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You've Taught Him Respect

Hubby: Absolute power corrupts absolutely, dear.
Wifey: It's not absolute.
Hubby: It isn't?
Wifey: No. You're not bowing.
Cashier: Ooh, I like you.

Eau Claire, Wisconsin

Overheard by: the girl with the hat

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Wanna See Some Wallet Photos from the Huffing Years?

Girl#1: I mean, my parents have no money now. Dad lost it in his "snort" phase.
Girl#2: My mom had that phase, but now she's just into the "prescription" phase.
Girl#3: That's a great phase.

Banana Republic
Kitchener
Canada

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Now Aren't You Glad We Went Through My Daughter's Sock Drawer?

Middle-aged woman, to older woman: Those were some really good drugs!

Dunkin' Donuts
University of Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Planned Parenthood Would Have Advised Mary to Say No

Planned parenthood speaker: I'm here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!

High School Assembly
Englewood, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Freud: I'm Not Even Sure What She Wants

Girl #1: Yeah, that's not cool, but I understand. He sounds very immature.
Girl #2: He is. It's such a shame. I laid in bed last night reminiscing about the time I spent with him in bed. It's like I can still feel it. Too bad he's such an asshole, and too bad that good dick makes me so... not able to accept what a douchebag a guy really is.

Atlanta, Georgia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

At Least You Have Your Priorities Straight

Ten-year-old boy: You know what I would have if I could have four wishes?
Big sister: I don't know. What?
Ten-year-old boy: One: no drought in Georgia; Two: no global warming; Three: world peace; Four: a Komodo dragon that is really nice and fun to play with, is a vegetarian, lives forever and can grant eternal life.

Druid Hills, Atlanta

Overheard by: Miranda

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If Chris Rock Had a Nickel for Every Time He's Heard That...

Teen boy to other teen boy: You'd be racist if you weren't so funny.

Leeds, England

Overheard by: Ashleigh

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

As We Shall See in Today's Film, Big British MILFs

Biology professor: There are a lot of great tits in england.

Knox College
Galesburg, Illinois

Overheard by: Oh, bio...

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Feel the Magma Flowing Beneath Their Placid Surface

Mother to daughter, regarding t-shirts: We need to get you a big one 'cause your boobs are growing way too fast.
Flat-chested daughter: Yeah, I know.

Hollywood Tower of Terror Shop
Disneyland, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Like Travel Boggle!

Tall blonde: That's just cause you're short... No, don't worry! You're adorably short. You're small and compact for my convenience.
Short brunette: I'm fun-sized!

Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: in the spirit of Halloween

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Since His Parole Officer Told Him to Keep His Ass Clean

Teen girl: Sam is so sexy. There's like, no poopy on him.

Palm City, Florida

Overheard by: I don't know about you

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So Maybe She Needed Out-of-This-World Sex

Guy on cell: Yeah, I hooked up with her. [pause] I fucked her. She was tight. [pause] She hasn't called me back. I don't get why it's so hard to take five seconds out of your day to see how I'm doing. [pause] She's, like, Asian. Half Asian and half alien.

Barnes & Noble
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Hobo

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Or When Tyra Had the Realness of Her Breasts Verified

Girl #1: Tyra will never be as good as Oprah. The Tyra show just doesn't have the credibility that the Oprah show has.
Girl #2: Well, Tyra does serious shows sometimes; like when Hilary Duff is on.

Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

A Bright, White Light, on the Other Hand...

Gamer dude: ... and the game comes with like, real guns.
Wannabe goth chick: They're actual guns?
Gamer dude: Well like, real models. And it comes with this mirror that lets you see yourself and like, shows what you look like if you get shot in the face.
Wannabe goth chick: That's nice. That's not something you would normally get to see if you got shot in the face.

UAB
Birmingham, Alabama

Overheard by: Kitty-Jack

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Appreciate Your Candor

Teenage thug to passing woman: Hey yo baby! I ain't gonna lie, I got a big dick!

Hollywood and Highland
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Has that ever worked?

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Especially Not Child-Sized Ones

Girl on cell: Listen, he is not a nice guy. Anyone with handcuffs permanently attached to his bed frame is not a nice guy.

University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Then Wouldn't "Tight Asshole" Be Kinder?

Girl: So then I was about to call him a giant asshole, but I figured he'd take it as a compliment...
Guy: I get it! It's because he's gay!

University of Alabama
Alabama

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It's Like Having a Principle, Only Easier

Granola guy: Yeah man, Ron Paul is awesome! He, like, votes no on everything.

Bonnaroo Festival
Manchester, Tennessee

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That's Like Saying, "I'll Pass This Class."

Professor: Can anyone