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Especially When You Use Phrases Like "Nicely Framing Your Package"
Teen boy: You know, I really appreciate you complimenting my baseball skills, but I really don't appreciate you complimenting my boxer choices.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: just trying to get to class...
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Posted 2008-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless I Can Have Someone Holding the Train Like a Bridesmaid
Old lady: I've lived with my body my whole life, but I don't want it down around my ankles.
Women's Gym
Studio City, California
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Old folks | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I'm Bummed I Didn't Get His Name
Guy #1: Is he good at sex?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy #2: Wow. I'm surprised.
Girl: Honestly, I was too.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Questions | San Francisco | Sex | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Concludes My Essay on "Who I Admire Most"
High school student: She's a two faced bitch, but not in a bad way.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: emily
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Insults | Overheard Lines | Students | Teens | Words | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lady, You Live in the Wrong Fucking State
Older woman working out with personal trainer: I'm almost 70 years old. Ask me how much I care how I look. I don't even have a mirror in my bathroom. I was just interested in a chemical peel. They wanted to roll my skin up over my head, take out the fat, then roll it down again, not to mention take out my liver and kidney. And the woman that's dragging me around to this stuff? She's a gusher. I hate gushers. She says: "We'll go through this together". She says: "Ask the gods." Can you imagine me asking the gods for a facelift? What blasphemy. She says: "Tell me about yourself". I say: "You mean the heroin addiction?" She says: "Really?" I say: "Yeah, it was after my two daughters were born, when I started robbing banks to support us." Honestly, everything has to be so sordid before someone will listen to you. You have to have an incestuous affair or something. When in reality, I work all day, then come home and watch TV like the rest of the human race.
Women's gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: Trying not to howl with laughter
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Old folks | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Cashmere Condoms Are So Popular
Bearded dude: Yeah... I care a lot more about my penis than I do my friends.
Not quite as bearded dude: Oh, totally.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: wondering if that is selfish, or self preservation...
Categories: Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Default | Feelings | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Penis | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Care Bears: Oopsy Does It! Is Exactly Like That
Really hot girl: Dude, it's like the Care Bears came and puked on my face!
Denver, Colorado
It's the Greatest Thing Since... You Know
Girlfriend: I think my butt has gotten bigger.
Boyfriend: If that's true, hallelujah. I love big booties.
Girlfriend: David*, this is serious! I think I have been doing so many squats that my butt has lifted and risen... like bread.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: MoMo
Really? Now All I Have to Do Is Master Shot Callin' and I Can Die Happy!
Teen cashier at checkout: Are you listening to music on an iPod?
Geriatric customer: It's an iPhone.
Teen cashier: Dude, you're ballin'.
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by: Hoosier
Categories: Age and ageing | Cell phones | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Customers | Default | Employees | Gadgets | Indiana | Old folks | Questions | Teens | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Putting Mayo on French Fries
Jock on cell: I bet he's a lame fuck. He wouldn't do any of that weird stuff you like.
Barton Springs Pool
Austin, Texas
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Insults | Jocks | Kink | On the phone | Texas | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From What Your Dad Tells Me
Overenthusiastic principal: So, where'd ya guys go for lunch? Huh?
Jaded student (indicating Subway cup): I ate fresh.
Principal: Did you go the 6 inch route? Or the 12 inch?
Student: I, uhhh... 6.
Principal, grinning: Don't worry, Shane* -I think you're man enough to take a 12-inch.
Livingston, Montana
It's Not Gay If I'm the Boomer
(around a D&D table)
Boom: Boom the Barbarian is going to swing his sword.
Walk-in kid: Dude, your character sheet says he's a fighter.
Boom: Yeah. But his name is Boom the Barbarian.
Walk-in kid: That's gay.
Boom: It won't be gay when I boom all over your face.
Openly gay DM: Actually, it would.
Gaming Center
Grand Rapids, Michigan
So I'm Sorry I Did That, Amber
English teacher: Calling someone a douche is not a constructive comment, even if it's true.
Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Insults | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | South Carolina | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Old Mom Cop/Dad Cop Routine
Mother to son, after chatting with woman: I'm always extra nice to her because your father can't stand her.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Dentist
Except for Women's Professional Basketball
Professor: How does female humor differ from that of males?
Student: Women don't have the luxury to be funny.
Stanford, California
Overheard by: fliushkin
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Elmer and Mrs Fudd Are Justifiably Proud of Their Daughter
PSU freshman (attempting to flirt): Wow, that's an amazing accent! Is it British?
Cute freshman who says Rs like Ws: Actually, it's a speech impediment.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: ellen
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Insults | Language barrier | Overheard in PDX | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Is the Title of My Coffeehouse Bongo Piece
Guy: My life is one giant erection.
Attleboro, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Erections | Guys | Massachusetts | Words | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Since the Gangbang
Woman: Wooo! It's wetter than a nymphomaniac in a gangbang out there.
Man: You've been waiting to say that for a long time, haven't you?
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Questions | Sex | Washington | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Recycled Your Sister Without Batting an Eye
Little girl: You don't like me!
Mother: If I didn't like you, I'd throw you in the dumpster.
North Branford, Connecticut
Well, I Got a Lap Dance in the Buffet Line
Girl one: Smell my face. Smell right here. Doesn't it smell great? The stripper I got a lap dance from was wearing great perfume.
Girl two: It smells like pickles.
Toby Keith's Restaurant
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: At least it doesn't smell like tuna
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dancing | Default | Food | Girls | Nevada | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mirror, Mirror on the Hill/ Who's the Sluttiest at McGill?
Girl #1: You are definitely sluttier than I am!
Girl #2: No way. You are!
Girl #1: You are sleeping with two guys!
Girl #2: You sleep with guys and don't call them back...ever.
Girl #1: Is that slutty?
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: cybertheque
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Infidelity | Overheard at McGill | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From the Sex and the City Cutting-Room Floor
Guy: So they said to her: "Carrie, you can't wear a head lamp! That's a really obvious sign!" And she said: "Yeah! Of adventure!"
Mukilteo Ferry, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Advice | Boat/Ferry | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Sexuality | Washington | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Michael Jackson: At Least I'm Consistent!
Woman talking on phone to friend: I have a real thing for little boys. I never used to...
Train Leaving Brighton
England
Overheard by: Wishing she hadn't tuned in at that point
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | England | Feelings | Kids | On the phone | Sexuality | Train | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gay People. Is There Any Social Problem They Can't Fix?
Guy: So it's her mom, her mom's boyfriend, and her dad?
Girl: Yeah. It would be so awkward if her dad wasn't gay.
Corpus Christi, Texas
Overheard by: it already is.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Sexuality | Texas | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, and Death. And Taxes
20-something #1: Yeah, see, that's our problem: These girls are pushing 30 and their biological clocks are going off and all that.
20-something #2: Well, that wasn't my problem before, she was 23 when I started dating her.
20-something #1 (thoughtfully): Yeah... that's our other problem: time.
Airplane between Detroit and Las Vegas
Overheard by: ncs
Categories: Age and ageing | Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Relationships | Science | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Reason Dirges Were Invented
Girl on cell: You know, like, I don't feel tired, but, like, I know in my heart that I'm tired. You know?
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | On the phone | Washington | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We've Lived a Lifetime in This One Elevator Ride
Professionally dressed Asian girl (in a low voice): I can't believe you showed that girl your pubes, man!
Short, pudgy Asian guy (in a low indignant voice): Well *I* can't believe you showed her your innie nipple!
Elevator, Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: McNasty
Categories: Asians | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Nipples | San Francisco | Posted 2008-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Even Doggy-Style?
Girl: But she said you were cute.
Guy: Yeah but it's like: puppies are cute, but you don't fuck a puppy.
New York City
New York
Overheard by: I'm more of a cat person...
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Girls | Guys | New York | Sex | Words | Posted 2008-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jenny Made the Same Observations About Every Church Fundraiser
Respectable-looking chick on cell: Not *nearly* enough trannies.
Vallejo and Powell
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Gripes | On the phone | San Francisco | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Guess That's What They Want. What They Really, Really Want
Random guy, outside bank: I don't get it! It's like they're spending their money on Spice Girls tickets instead of drugs!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: irina
Perhaps Some Clove Cigarettes Would Help
Geek #1: But I'm a semi-Mac user! I can't have a beard and be a Mac user!
Geek #2: Yeah, I know what you mean...
Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Beardless Mac User
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Friends | Hair | Shaving | Technology | Posted 2008-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...A Metaphor I Would Know Nothing About
Professor: The Government was spending money like a drunken sailor in a Tijuana whorehouse.
Macroeconomics Class
University of California
Overheard by: Econometrically Bored
Categories: California | Class | Compare and contrast | Default | Money | Politics | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Instead, I'll Discuss Your Pain With This Complete Stranger
Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn't have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How's your butt feel? Ha! I haven't even told my friends about that yet!
Richmond, Virginia
Why You Gotta Ax So Many Questions?
Jackie O. lookalike: If I can't sneak cigarettes into my house, what makes you think I can get an ax?
Starfest Sci-fi Convention
Denver, Colorado
Are You Still Upset About My Sandals With Black Socks?
Dad: That's an awfully big brownie. You know it's so big it's a Girl Scout.
Daughter: Silence.
Dad: Hey, this is funny stuff from your dad.
(daughter stares at him in silence)
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: Tim
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Kids | New York | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe Just Take It to a George Clooney Movie
Girl on cell: We're going to vibe her vagina. Well, not vibe it.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: K
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | On the phone | San Francisco | Toys | Vagina | Words | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Have a Cool Little Hotspot Called Bar Nun
Balding yuppie guy on cell: All things being equal, I would like to drink.
(pause)
Balding yuppie guy on cell: Oh, so you guys are drinking in the convent?
Saxby's Coffee
Georgetown, Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | On the phone | Questions | Religion | Restaurants | Washington, DC | Wishes | Yuppies | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Anyway, Are the Cheerleaders All Okay?
Queer #1: You said: "Oooh, girl, you can't build a pyramid on top of a pyramid."
Queer #2: Did I say: "Oooh, girl"?! I did not say "Oooh, girl"!
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: The Faghag