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The Original Screenplay for Waiting to Exhale Left Something to Be Desired
Gay white male, exiting train: I can only go ten stops without smoking a cigarette, otherwise I get angry!
Old black female, entering train: Damn, mo' sugar in here than a tank of Kool-Aid.
Orange Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Cryptic C62
Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Gays | Massachusetts | Public transportation | Smoking | Posted 2011-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then the Wii Had to Come Along and Confuse Everything
Woman on phone: Yeah, well, as you get older, it's less manual labor and more electronics!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: am I taking this the wrong way?
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Technology | Women | Posted 2011-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So Just Let Me Trim the Ellen Haircut Already!
Annoyed teenage boy to girlfriend: You've got to understand that I'm never going to be Justin Bieber!
London
England
Overheard by: KK
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Couples | England | Relationships | Posted 2011-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Anyone Was Like Jesus, It Was Trotsky
Freshman: My professor just compared Karl Marx to Jesus. I am not feeling it.
Claremont Colleges
Claremont, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Education | Feelings | Pop culture | Students | Posted 2011-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
While Muscular Christianity's More Of a Gay Gym Boy
Tall girl to short girl: You make religion sound like the skinny kid you didn't go to prom with.
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: Lissette
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dancing | Friends | New York | Religion | Posted 2010-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: Top That, Motherfucker!
Amherst girl to Dartmouth guy, discussing Hillel dinners at Harvard: I turned down a position at Massachusetts General Hospital because they don't have squash courts.
Commuter Rail Train
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Doctors | Health & Hygiene | Jobs & Careers | Massachusetts | Posted 2010-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Happens When You Only Let Your Kids Read ee cummings
Girl #1: Oh my god! At work today, the kids had to write stories and they are the worst writers ever! One kid had an entire paragraph with no periods, and a bunch of them were capitalizing days of the week and stuff. It was awful.
Girl #2: You're supposed to capitalize days of the week.
Girl #1, in embarrassed awe: No! You're kidding, right? I told them they weren't supposed to...
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: lauren
Categories: Compare and contrast | Education | Girls | Kids | Overheard in PDX | Stupidity | Posted 2010-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are These Heels Clear? I Don't Think So!
Girl #1 to friend wearing tank top, booty shoes, and 3-inch heels: Girl, I don't know what they be sayin. You do not look like no hoe.
Girl #2, passing by, to friend: Hoe.
High School
Washington State
Categories: Clothing | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Insults | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Washington | Posted 2010-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Make Their Own Mayonnaise
Drunk girl: I love the boners that sound like sandwiches! Boner on wheat, boner on rye... That's pretty much it.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Food | Illinois | Posted 2010-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Tulsa" Spelled Backwards Is "a Slut"-- Coincidence?
Teen girl to friend: I'm too sexy for my vulva.
Tulsa, Oklahoma
But She Once Wore a Paper Sombrero and Sang "La Bamba" at the School Pageant
Native American girl: Yeah, when I was in kindergarten, I was the only Mexican in class. Well, except for Reema. She's Lebanese.
High School
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Education | Geography | Girls | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2010-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're So Deep, Monica.
Coffee shop girl: A pig is, like, a monkey's best friend.
Missoula, Montana
Overheard by: Evan
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Girls | Montana | Relationships | Posted 2010-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good Thing You Issued That Disclaimer, Bob
Middle aged shop owner, as female vocalist sings pop song on the radio: I ain't no queer or nothing, but the first time I heard this song, I thought it was pretty as hell.
Waco, Texas
Categories: Bosses | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Music | Texas | Posted 2010-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Their Relationship Is Sweet but Sticky
Guy: I bet you taste like cotton candy. (pause) Is it okay, sometime, if I'm hungry, if I take a little nibble...
Girl: No!
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Candy | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Sensory experiences | Washington | Posted 2010-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Most Girls Fear Being Gaynablers
Young boyfriend, trying to weasel out of seeing Legally Blonde 2: I... I just don't think I'm emotionally ready for the uncut version. Do you think I'm ready? I don't.
Young girlfriend: You should have pulled the "it might make me gay" card.
Friend: I think his way was more gay.
Young girlfriend: Which concerns me...
Scotrun, New York
Not Even with All the Wood and the Nailing?
Super peppy freshman orientation guide: What was your favorite Halloween costume?
College freshman: Well, I was a construction worker once.
Super peppy freshman orientation guide: Was it a sexy construction worker?
College freshman: Well, I was five years old... so no.
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Categories: Age and ageing | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Students | Virginia | Posted 2010-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is This More Of Your Zen Crap?
Patron #1: Yeah, but everything's different in Hawaii. You can't even buy land there unless you were born there.
Patron #2: Actually, you can.
Patron #1: Yeah, but all their laws are different than ours.
Patron #2: You know that Hawaii is a state, right?
Starbucks
California
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bosses | California | Compare and contrast | Geography | Money | Posted 2010-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Thought Guys Liked Talking About Wood?
Pretty girl to boyfriend: I don't know if I have too many toothpicks, or not enough.
Boyfriend: So this is where the crazy starts?
Grocery Store
Havelock, North Carolina
Categories: Compare and contrast | Couples | Mental illnesses | North Carolina | Questions | Stores | Posted 2010-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...That's Sick!
Tiny black girl: And then I had to have Buckley's, and you know what? It tastes exactly like jizz.
Asian girl, perplexed: You've had Buckley's?
Pub
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Asians | Bars & Clubs | Black people | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Cum | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Smell the Plot Of a New Indiana Jones Movie!
Mini-skirt girl: Her name is Pearl, so she's either an 80-year-old white lady from Connecticut...
Suit: Or an 18-year-old, French-speaking lieutenant in an Asian motorcycle gang.
Mini-skirt girl: Yours is weirdly specific.
Bridgeport, Connecticut
Overheard by: Agreed
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Girls | Names | Suits | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Unkindest Cold Cut Of All
Young son, after burping loudly: I burped!
Father: Does it smell like baloney?
Young son: No...?
Father: Then you're not a man yet!
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Big D.
Categories: Burping & farting | Compare and contrast | Dads | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Parenting | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait 'til You Hear My Story About the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny's Gay Orgy
Three-year-old boy: Do Santa and Batman fly in the sky together?
Mom: I hope they're careful if they do, because otherwise... Batmobile crashes into Santa's sleigh, boom! (makes explosion noises) Santa and Batman. Dead.
Three-year-old boy: (laughs hysterically)
Auntie: I'm glad he laughed at that, otherwise you were getting the "worst mom" award.
Antelope, California
Overheard by: Megan
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Family | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pop culture | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2010-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Not Writing Your Own Vows, Are You?
Person #1: What's that movie with Tom Hanks and the volleyball?
Person #2: Castaway.
Person #1: Oh, I'm so bored... You're like the volleyball to me. I don't necessarily like you, but you're there and I'm alone.
Guam
A Stripper Is Born
Middle aged lady in hospital scrubs: It's a lot of fun and great exercise.
Old toothless lady: I really admire you, I don't like to show off my fuzzy-fuzzy to just anyone.
Middle aged lady: Yeah, well, I don't either, but like I said: it's great exercise.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Karl
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Medical personnel | Old folks | Oregon | Posted 2010-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Most Space-Effective
Lady at table of discount clothing to guy browsing through sweatshirts: Yeah, Japanese-made condoms are really the most reliable.
Guy: Mmm-hmm.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: woefully uninformed
Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Customers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Shopping | Posted 2010-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Look, an Erection!
Small-chested hiking girl: Damn! Hey, you'd wipe the sweat off my boobs, right?
Busty hiking girl: Only if you wipe mine.
Small-chested hiking girl: Somehow I think I'm going to have to do a lot more work.
Hiking boy: Uhhh...
Fort Boreman Park Hiking Trails
Parkersburg, West Virginia
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Rack | Sensory experiences | West Virginia | Posted 2010-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gosh, I Miss The Osbournes.
Tween boy #1: I'm bummed. I grabbed my mom's iPod instead of mine this morning.
Tween boy #2: They look the same, how do you know it's not yours?
Tween boy #1: I have Radiohead and The Shins, she has Deicide and Cradle of Filth.
Tween boy #2: I love that woman.
High School
Florida
Overheard by: Sandy Paws
Categories: Compare and contrast | Florida | Music | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Technology | Tweens | Posted 2010-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, I Still Haven't Forgiven You for the Tijuana Debacle
Man describing play: You've never seen anything better then two sock puppets diddling each other.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Illinois | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Officially Recognized As a Sport in Texas.
Young waitress: He hit a deer on his motorcycle?! That's like... running into a horse with another horse!
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: Picture that...
Categories: Animals | Baristas | Compare and contrast | Oregon | Posted 2010-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The "Everything" Bagel Really Does Have Everything
Girl to sister: The cheese is so good! It tastes like chicken!
Parenra
Houston, Texas
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Girls | Sensory experiences | Siblings | Texas | Posted 2010-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Too Kind, Madame
Little girl, in Arabic, as she sits in the train: Smells like cotton candy!
Mother, in French: Yeah, you're right, it smells like cotton candy. (to grandmother) Don't you think it smells like cotton candy?
Young black woman, sitting in the next row, smiling: It's me. It's my perfume.
Mother: Really?! What is it?
Young black woman: Vanilla and cotton candy.
Mother: Really? My girl told me it smells like the amusement park. At first I thought it was the cleaning product they used to wash the train floor. (pause) It smells really good.
C Train
Paris
France
Overheard by: BBM Tm
Categories: Black people | Candy | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Family | France | Kids | Moms | Sensory experiences | Strangers | Train | Posted 2010-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thankfully the Stupid Seem to Always Die Off First
Environmental science teacher: What, in your opinion, is the most pressing environmental issue our planet faces today?
Clueless redhead, raising hand unsurely: Is it... The birds?
Environmental science teacher: Excuse me?
Clueless redhead: Isn't there something up with birds? Like, aren't they dying or something?
Environmental science teacher: Um... Thousands of different animals are dying...
Clueless redhead: Oh. I thought it was just birds.
High School
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Animals | Birds | California | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Was All, "Take, Eat, This Is My Foreboding"
30-something suit: He was like... The Jesus of bad news.
Train Station
Fairfield, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Jesus | Suits | Train | Posted 2010-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Lot Of Us Are Asking Ourselves This About Mel Gibson.
Angry woman on cell: That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard! (pause) How are you even still alive?! How is it that the process of natural selection hasn't weeded you out by now? How have you made it this far through life being that stupid?
Sugar Hill, Georgia
Categories: Animals | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Georgia | Insults | On the phone | Women | Posted 2010-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...On the Internet, I Met Someone Who Was All Three!
Girl #1: You should stop meeting guys off the internet so much. They're creepy.
Girl #2: The internet is the best place to meet people. I met a rapist at a job interview, a pimp at the airport, and a pedophile at church.
Norman, Oklahoma
Categories: Bonding | Compare and contrast | Girls | Internet | Jobs & Careers | Oklahoma | Religion | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Stay Vegan One Day at a Time
Man working in garden: Let me tell you, bacon is the gateway meat.
Community Garden
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: omh
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Food | Guys | Posted 2010-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Goodness, Just Look at the Time!
Tanorexic blonde on date: So basically the fucking doctor told me that my cervix is fucked up.
Uncomfortable-looking date: Right...
Tanorexic blonde on date: Yeah. Cunt told me that it'd be like pushing a baby through a toothpaste tube. I gotta go get it widened or some shit like that. Or that thing where they cut you open...
Uncomfortable-looking date: A caesarian?
Tanorexic blonde on date: Yeah. That's it. Baby kebab.
Leamington Spa
England
Categories: Anorexics | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Couples | England | Food | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Pregnancy | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Was an Unfortunate Incident With Jeffrey at Toys Я Us
Girl #1: I mean, there are those people who pretend to be so moral, and then you find out they're, like, fucking a giraffe.
Girl #2, laughing: Ew! That's disgusting.
Girl #3: Seriously, though, hypocrites suck.
Girl #2: But what would that feel like?
Girl #1: What, being a hypocrite?
Girl #2: No... You know... The giraffe.
Girl #3: Ew... Uhm, horrible?
Girl #2: Yeah, you're right.
(five minutes later, in the middle of another topic)
Girl #2: But really, I think it would depend on how old it was.
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: The giraffe.
Girl #1: Are you still thinking about fucking a giraffe?!?
Girl #3: We need to make sure she doesn't go to the zoo. That can only end badly.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: that sounds wholly unpleasant
Categories: Age and ageing | Animals | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Girls | Insults | San Francisco | Sex | Posted 2010-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Grasshoppers Always Think They're Cooler Than Ants
20-something suit: They act like they are advancing and getting ahead just because they are always on time. I said "whatever, I'm still cooler than you."
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: An overachiever
Categories: Compare and contrast | Illinois | Suits | Time Management | Posted 2010-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That in the Rules Somewhere?
Girl #1 to guy: Oh, shut up! Be nice to me! I'm marrying your brother! Which means I'm gonna be like your sister!
Girl #2 to guy: Which means you won't be able to have sex with her anymore!
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Illinois | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Which Is What I Look For in a Gay Best Friend.
Lady who lunches to friend: He's very smart, but he's not ruthless.
Westport, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Connecticut | Friends | Ladies who lunch | Posted 2010-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think I've Seen This Daryl Hannah Movie...
Girl #1: Well, it doesn't bother me.
Girl #2: That's because you don't have to look at it!
Girl #3: You. Look. Like. A. Whore.
Girl #4: But a mermaid whore!
University of Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Florida | Girls | Sex | Posted 2010-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Apparently You Can Be Too Casual
Gay guy in fake British accent: Isn't it funny how people who want babies so badly can't have them, and other people who have a casual fuck pop them out like Pez dispensers?
Panera Bread
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Cristina
A Nun Wouldn't Marry Some Prick, Honey
Little girl, pointing to picture of Jesus on card: Who's that?
Babysitter: Well, that's Jesus.
Little girl: Oh... He looks like a nice guy.
Bellevue, Washington
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Jesus | Kids | Washington | Posted 2010-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and the Fact That He Loves Her
Angry coffee drinker: He referred to his last sexual congress as "being balls-deep" in his lady.
Amused coffee drinker: Something tells me she was no lady.
Angry coffee drinker: That's what you take away from that?
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Balls | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | New York | Questions | Sex | Posted 2010-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Shittiest!
Boy in AP English class, reading "The House on Mango Street": This is the most realistic book I've read since "Everybody Poops"!
New Jersey
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | New Jersey | Poop | Students | Posted 2010-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Chickenman?
Loud man on cell on bus: You know, I don't really care for turkey. Have it at Thanksgiving and sometimes Christmas, and I am sick of that shit. Now me, I like chicken. That's my thing. I'm a chicken man.
Austin, Texas
Categories: Birds | Compare and contrast | Food | Guys | On the phone | Texas | Posted 2010-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What Everyone Says. And Everyone Lies.
Woman: I'd rather do the kidnapping than be kidnapped.
Man, snorting in disbelief: Oh, puh-lease!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: MarthaQ
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Massachusetts | Violence | Women | Posted 2010-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why I Stopped Hanging Out with Meatheads.
Straight guy: Why do gay men love boobs but hate vaginas?
Gay guy: Because boobs are pretty and vaginas look like a roast beef sandwich.
Drunk guy: I could so go for Arby's right now.
Huaraz
Peru
Overheard by: Nick
Categories: Beauty | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Food | Gender issues | Guys | Queers | Rack | South America | Vagina | Posted 2010-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Never Know When Mr. Right Will Fall Into Your Vagina
Hoochie #1: That's why I don't wear panties with tight skirts; I need maximum mass, maximum jiggle.
Hoochie #2: That's also why you always flashin' your business, looking like a ho.
Hoochie #1: So? What you doing up in that club--gettin' drunk? (laughs)
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Mistopher
Categories: California | Clothes | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Hoochies | Posted 2010-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Hot New Game Show That's Sweeping the Globe
Artsy tourist to touristy-looking woman: More cats, more money!
Outside Museum of Turkish and Islamic Art
Istanbul
Turkey
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Middle East | Money | Tourists | Posted 2010-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But With Bottled Water
Male college student, about 30-town boil water order: I feel like I'm in Mad Max!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Jean
Categories: Compare and contrast | Feelings | Massachusetts | Movies | Students | Posted 2010-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Fuck at Least Two Girls on the Side.
Dude #1: You gotta find a girl to fuck. On the side.
Dude #2: I'm not like that. That's your game.
UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | Infidelity | Sex | Posted 2010-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But With Slightly Less Dancing
Woman to girl: What exactly is a zombie? My son wants to know. Is it like a ghost?
Girl: A zombie is the living dead. A ghost is just a spirit, while a zombie is the dead body.
Woman: Like Michael Jackson?
Girl: Yes, like Michael Jackson.
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Maine | Parenting | Questions | Wishes | Women | Zombies | Posted 2010-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Unhealthy Appetite at a Time
Dude #1: This street smells like greasy food and whores!
Dude #2: I could go for some greasy food right now.
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: MF
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Guys | Michigan | Sensory experiences | Sex | Posted 2010-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Read The Protocols Of the Elders Of Annapolis?
Guy on phone: No I'll never join the navy. (pause) Because me joining the navy would be like Hitler joining the Jewish church!
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Kapti
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | History | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | On the phone | Religion | Posted 2010-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Either Believe That, or Commit Suicide
Physiotherapist: I have a small wife, so a small penis is okay.
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Doctors | Penis | Stupidity | Posted 2010-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Downmanship Is Fun!
Woman #1: Sorry I'm late, I had bad anxiety.
Woman #2: I have bad allergies and a hangover.
Woman #1: Well, I'm pregnant.
Woman #3, looking up suddenly: What!?
Woman #1: Top that!
Barnes & Noble
Birmingham, Alabama
...With a Preference for Manila Sex
Out-of-towner: I like being paid in envelopes; it makes me feel like a prostitute.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jonathan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Foreigners | Jobs & Careers | Money | Pennsylvania | Posted 2010-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does That Explain Your Face-Condom?
College girl #1: Makeup is like a sock for your face: it covers it, but doesn't really protect it.
College girl #2: Wow... That's deep.
New Mexico
Categories: Compare and contrast | Fashion | New Mexico | Philosophy | Sorority types | Posted 2010-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Featuring a Bottomless Cup Of Coffee
Girl: Yeah, I work at Show Me's. It's like Hooters, only sluttier.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Insults | Jobs & Careers | New Mexico | Posted 2010-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So I Requested a Different Waiter.
Girl to friends: He looked like a Mexican vampire, and it did not work for me.
Clarksville, Maryland
Overheard by: I can see why
Categories: Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Maryland | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ten Bucks Says He Still Tries to Sleep with Her
Serious gentleman: The historical figure from recent history that I most respect? I'd have to say... Gandhi.
Cute young woman: Gandhi? I think I've seen some of his work...
Dinner Party
London
England
...You're in for One Miserable Ride.
Angry girl to group of male friends: You can sleep with my mother, you can kill my father, you can burn down my house, but if you fuck with my bike...
Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Veli Velo
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Massachusetts | Murder | Sex | Violence | Posted 2010-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Episode Of MacGuyver I'd Pay to See
Weird lady getting her hair cut: The nail just wouldn't stay down on my toe. So because it was all loose, junk kept getting in there. The doctor basically told me that junk would just keep getting in there.
Stylist: Wow!
(a minute later)
Weird lady getting her hair cut: If I could have one of those guys do my wedding, I'd be all like, "here's a doily and a paper cup, see what you can do."
Stylist: Yeah.
Weird lady getting her hair cut: I mean if you can't have a bangin wedding in Puerto Rico, you might as well see what you can get from a doily and a paper cup here.
Stylist: Yeah.
Supercuts
Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Clients | Compare and contrast | Employees | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Posted 2010-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Good Will Cunting
Girl to friend doing geometry worksheet: If the answer's 27.5, my vagina is a genius.
Tampa, Florida
...Haven't You Seen America's Next Top Muslim?
Guy on cell: Or maybe Mohammad is just less photogenic than Jesus.
Hyde Park
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Anya
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Illinois | Jesus | On the phone | Religion | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Casper the Friendly Ghost Has Difficulty Keeping a Girlfriend
Really stoned girl: Oh god, my first relationship was horrible. It was just six weeks of me being scared of his genitals.
Canberra
Australia
Overheard by: Boffins
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Fears | Relationships | Stoners | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Final Solution to the School Year
Enthusiastic teacher: We're doing a scavenger hunt today!
Student, dubiously: A scavenger hunt?
Enthusiastic teacher, nodding: Yeah, it's like ... It's like a Nazi Easter egg hunt.
North Carolina
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | History | North Carolina | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Stabbing a Stranger Is Okay: An Overheard Everywhere Short Story
Indecisive young woman to stranger: It's just so hard to chose which wallet I want!
Stranger: Er, yeah. I'm shopping for a gift for a friend.
Indecisive young woman, holding up two wallets: What do you think, the red or the black?
Stranger: Ummmmm... The black.
Indecisive young woman: Hmmmm. It's just that red is so classy, you know?
Stranger: Then take the red one.
Indecisive young woman: But red doesn't go with everything... Black goes with everything.
Stranger: Then take the black one.
Indecisive young woman: I don't know. I don't like the way it looks inside. I liked that brown one over there (points) but it's a color that would just get dirty so quickly, you know?
Stranger: Mmmm-hmmm.
indecisive young woman, holding up two other wallets: What do you think, what suits me best?
Stranger: Um, they're both nice. It's hard to say which is best.
Indecisive young woman: Oh, I know... Choosing a wallet is such a personal thing, you know?
Mall
Australia
Overheard by: which is why you ask a complete stranger for their opinion
And I'm a B-Cup, Easy
Teenage boy to teenage girl: I have a bigger penis than you.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Penis | Teens | Washington | Posted 2010-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's More About the Attitude Than the Plumbing
Gay guy to female friend: Just because I have testicles doesn't mean I'm any less of a woman.
Saskatchewan
Canadia
Categories: Balls | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Gender issues | Queers | Posted 2010-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...According to This Hallmark Card.
Woman #1: Look at that rainbow outside!! It's huge!
Woman #2: I know! It's like when you see a black dick for the first time.
Turlock, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Penis | Race | Weather | Women | Posted 2010-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Plus Side, When I Get There, I Can Make Pie!
20-something girl: I am so bad with directions. I can't find my way around anywhere.
20-something guy: That's because you're a woman.
20-something girl: Way to be sexist! (long pause) But yeah, you're probably right.
Cardinal Stritch University
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Sexuality | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Corner Is the En Suite Bathroom, Hon
American tourist male: It must have been horrible being locked up in a place like that.
American tourist female: It couldn't have been that bad. They had to at least let them out to go to the bathroom.
Dungeon Cell
Tower of London
England
Overheard by: fnordy
Categories: Compare and contrast | Crimes | Tourists | UK | Posted 2010-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Know, Eminem.
30-something guy: I can't speak English, but my prose is fuckin' smooth.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: hb
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Language barrier | Massachusetts | Posted 2010-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Marijuana Wouldn't Be Any Fun Without It.
History professor: In New York the exit signs are red. They're like, "Fire! Get out!" In California the exit signs are green. They're like, "Dude, if you wanna get out, cool. If you like fire, if that's your thing, that's okay, too."
Aurora, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Illinois | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And When Did "Baby Got Back" Become a Wedding Song?
Black 20-something guy to friend: Sir Mix-a-Lot killed more black people in the 90s than heart disease and Aids combined.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: I know his pain
Categories: Arizona | Black people | Compare and contrast | Friends | Maladies | Murder | Race | Posted 2010-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Got a Case for Her
Guy to friend looking at beer: Yeah, I better get some if she's coming over. She's the only girl I've ever been with that can drink more than me. Which is kinda scary... and kinda hot.
New Castle, Indiana
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Indiana | Sexuality | Posted 2010-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ignorance + Ignorance = Ignorance
Girl: So I hear that all Puerto Rican women are like models.
Guy: What?
Girl: Like they're all really hot and stuff.
Guy: I'm sure some are...
Girl: Yeah, they are, and they wear like thongs and stuff for underwear too.
Guy: I always heard Puerto Rican women were fat.
Girl: No, that's Hawaiian women.
Guy: Oh.
Lecture Hall
University of Alabama at Birmingham
Categories: Alabama | Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Stupidity | Posted 2010-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just As Well-- I'm a Little Fuzzy on the Whole "Bagel" Concept
Customer: Do you have any lox?
Wal-Mart employee: Of course. They're over in hardware.
Customer: No. Lox, like bagels and lox.
Wal-Mart employee: Lots? Lots of bagels?
Customer: I'll just go to Publix.
Wal-Mart
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Heading for Publix, too.
North Americans Should Feel Grateful for Their Relatively Untroubled History
Girl #1: Oh, are you talking about the skinny little Indian guy?
Girl #2: He's not Indian, he's Burmese.
Girl #1: Huh? You're talking about the skinny Indian guy, right?
Girl #2: Yes, but he's not Indian. He's Burmese. Like from Burma.
Girl #1: Well, who cares? Indian and Burmese are the same thing! That's like saying that Canadians and Americans are different! That's BS! They're not. They're the same thing, except that Canadians are inferior because they play hockey.
Kuala Lumpur
Malaysia
Categories: Compare and contrast | Geography | Girls | Malaysia | Posted 2010-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Weight Watcher Points Aren't Even Close
Spanish girl to boy: Sleeping with ten niggas ain't the same thing as sleeping with ten white boys!
High School
Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Foreigners | Pennsylvania | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Posted 2010-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If They Get Pregnant, Where's the Harm?
Guy to workout buddy: I like having sex with married women. The sex is good because they're not having sex with their husbands.
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | Infidelity | Sex | Posted 2010-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Wolf Was No Match for Grandma
Dad: Later, we need to find grandma a boyfriend.
Seven-year-old son: Grandma already has a boyfriend, though.
Dad: Really? Who?
Seven-year-old son: She's married to granddad!
Dad: No, no, your other grandma.
Seven-year-old son: Oh yeah, she really needs a boyfriend.
Train
Manchester
England
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | England | Family ties | Kids | Relationships | Train | Posted 2010-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Let's Go Look at It in One Of Those Funhouse Mirrors, Okay?
30-something lady to teen boy: It's so... small!
Teen boy: No one asked you to measure it.
Carson City, Nevada
Overheard by: Bailey W.
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Nevada | Teens | Women | Posted 2010-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was Lovely Talking to You
Grad student #1, receiving a detailed explanation of the theory of evolution: Well, you seem to know much more about the subject than I do...
Grad student #2: I have creationist parents.
Oxford
England
Categories: Compare and contrast | Education | England | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Wear Pajamas With Feet!
Guy #1: I'm going to study all night!
Guy #2: Yeah, I'll come too.
Guy #1: No, man... You're too weak.
Wayne State University
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Guys | Michigan | Posted 2010-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Until Its Sour Cream Came Out
Girl to girlfriend: If our burritos were in jail, my burrito would rape your burrito.
Chipotle
Northridge, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Food | Girls | Restaurants | Sex | Violence | Posted 2010-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eh, They Were Station Wagons.
College girl: Last night I dreamed that everyone got a car for free... except for you.
College guy: Even in your dreams, I can't get a fucking break!
Boone, North Carolina
Categories: Compare and contrast | North Carolina | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2010-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Sex-Positive Feminism Exists.
Girl: I haven't been on a stage since grammar school. Having sex on a stage is so much better than quoting Susan B. Anthony.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Bimbettes | Compare and contrast | Education | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did the Pizza Guy Even Apologize for Walking in on You in the Shower?
Chick #1: I was like, "I thought that shit only happened in porn!"
Chick #2: Or movies.
Chick #1: Oh. Yeah.
Cafe
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Porn | Stupidity | Posted 2010-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Two Guys Loved It, Though
Sorority girl to another: That has to be the worst way to lose your virginity.
Murray State University
Kentucky
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Kentucky | Sex | Sorority types | Virginity | Posted 2010-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Camel Toe Becomes Hammer Toe
Teacher: Pants so tight it could snap your vagina off!
Sex-Ed Class
Tampa, Florida
...Where I'll Never Have to Deal with Harassment!
Blonde, busty college student, to professor: I don't have to take this! I can get a job at Hooters!
Virginia
Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy
Categories: Chicks | Compare and contrast | Jobs & Careers | Virginia | Posted 2010-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Wonder Everybody Has Herpes
Freshman guy: In health today, we were looking at pictures of vaginas with herpes, and it made me want pizza...
High School
Steilacoom, Washington
Overheard by: Meredith
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | STDs | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Vagina | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Who Refuses to Be Confined to a Single Cell.
Girl: I am not an amoeba, I'm a free man!
Chatswood Station
Sydney
Australia
Certainly Like Life in Wisconsin
Guy: Death is a lot like life.
Girl: So I've heard.
Beloit, Wisconsin
Overheard by: I heard that too
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Girls | Guys | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cinderella's Spiteful Stepsister Would Soon Eat Her Words
Woman to friend: That would never happen. Not even in a fairytale you wrote your goddamn self would that happen.
Buffalo, New York
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | New York | Women | Posted 2010-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though at Least I Can Eat Chips
Guy: It was a teeth-optional place, but hey, I was a drug addict, so I'm not all that and a bag of chips either.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Druggies | Drugs | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Someone in a Mickey Costume, Honey.
Redneck to wife: You'll never see a squirrel like that in Massachusetts!
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephen
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Florida | Rednecks | Posted 2010-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Thought That Was Gin.
Suit to friend: Coffee is like beer for the morning.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Eavesdrop DC | Suits | Posted 2010-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Not As Good As the Cucumber, or the Remote Control
Doctor: Okay, we're going to give you an iron shot.
Nurse: Roll over on your side. Okay, you're just going to feel a little prick in your butt.
Patient: Better than the finger that was up there earlier!
ER
Newport Beach, California
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Doctor's office | Doctors | Hands | Nurses | Sensory experiences | Sex | Posted 2010-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Since That's What This Pie Looks Like.
Bakery clerk: It's not like my dog is going to run off and do drugs!
Confused person next in line: Um, ha ha, you never know.
Bakery clerk: Oh, we were just talking about childbirth.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Birthing | Compare and contrast | Customers | Drugs | Employees | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't Tennessee Enough?
American girl: I get really emotional when I'm in church. I feel like I don't deserve to be there.
Brazilian girl: That's because you deserve to be in prison.
Nashville, Tennessee
Boobs Are Pretty Much in the Public Domain, Anyway
Guy #1: I really don't think it's that bad. I dunno why he's so mad. I mean, all she did was show her boobs to some cameraman for some money. It's not like she did anything wrong, right?
Guy #2: What if it was your girlfriend on Girls Gone Wild? How would you feel?
Guy #1: I dunno... Glad I get to see them for free?
Irvine, California
Overheard by: cheekzz
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Guys | Rack | Relationships | TV shows | Posted 2010-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Juliette Lewis Has Made a Career Of It
Girl in track pants: No! People don't look at me and think "oh, that bitch went to the gym." No, they look at me and think "oh, that bitch is nasty!"
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Categories: Beauty | California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Gripes | Posted 2010-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Still *Adored* Gone with the Wind.
Naked dude #1: I'm really surprised by how long it is.
Naked dude #2: Yeah... It's quite long.
Locker Room
Kansas City, Missouri
It's Not Their Worlds I Want to Enter
Girl: So I think he's taken our relationship a step further.
Gay friend: Oh! What, did he ask you out?
Girl: No.
Gay friend: Did he finally tell you he likes you?
Girl: No! Nothing like that.
Gay friend: Then what?
Girl: He started talking to me exclusively in D&D jargon!
Gay friend: See, this is why we have different tastes in men.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Doesn't play D&D
Categories: Compare and contrast | Fag hags | Games | Queers | Relationships | Vermont | Words | Posted 2010-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Learned So Little from The Sweetest Thing?
Teen girl in bathroom #1: I'd hate to be a guy and have to use a urinal.
Teen girl in bathroom #2: Oh yeah, that thing looks unsanitary.
Teen girl in bathroom #1: Not even that, but like if you had to go poop then everyone would know it.
Teen girl in bathroom #3: You can't poop in a urinal?
High School
Coral Springs, Florida
Categories: Compare and contrast | Florida | Gender issues | Pee | Poop | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2010-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or All the Dogs You've Ever Owned
Girl #1: So my two-year-old cousin... You know, the one who laughs at me, and threw his bottle and his book at me?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Well, this one time he like pushed me down on the floor, and like... licked my face.
Girl #2: Wow! Your two-year-old cousin is like a combination of all the boys you've met here.
London
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Kids | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Haven't Been Mowed in Quite Some Time
Gay son: I need a sugar daddy.
Mother: You and me both.
Gay son: But I have a booty.
Mother, after long pause, and looking out the window: I have weeds where I once had grass...
Murrieta, California
Overheard by: I hope I don't become my mother
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Moms | Money | Queers | Sex | Posted 2010-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good to See Michigan Living Up to Its Reputation
Dorm guy: I said "thanks for the help," but I should have said, "thanks for the help, asshole, I hope they send you back to China."
Michigan State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | Insults | Michigan | Race | Posted 2010-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whether Real or Imaginary
Professor: It's like trying to make a deity out of a bottle of Stoli at the height of the cold war.
Class: (laughter)
Professor: I know plenty of people who've done that, by the way... And so do you.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | History | Minnesota | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Still Adore Rosie Perez
College guy: You know when you throw the egg at the pink dinosaur? You know that sound? That's what her accent sounds like.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | Minnesota | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Their Evil Is More Insidious
Kid, watching glockenspiel chime: Look mommy, a witch!
Mommy: No honey, that's a nun.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: natalie
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Magic | Moms | Overheard in PDX | Parenting | Religion | Posted 2010-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless I'm Just Having a Really Awesome Stroke
Girl to male cat: You're so cute! You smell like bacon... but that's okay.
Lewisville, Texas
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Food | Girls | Sensory experiences | Texas | Posted 2010-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Future, Could You Get My Order Right?
Man at bar: Except it wasn't gin and tonic, it was gin and sex.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Posted 2010-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For One Thing, They Haven't Been Bred Into Stupidity
Boy to girl: Do you think a zebra feels like a horse?
Girl to boy, after brief pause: I don't think they really feel like they are horses, I think they know they are different.
Zoo
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Kids Always Get Payback When You Take Them Shopping
Mom to young son: There's a doggie! Do you know what sound a doggie makes?
Son: Mooo.
Mom, distracted by shiny things: Uh-huh. (pause) Hey! Dogs don't say "moo"!
Target
Leominster, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Manda
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2010-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So "Lehman" Is Out?
Big-haired mother to friends: I like what Sarah Palin did with her kids' names. I mean, I want to give my kids names that are cool, but nothing that would, you know, prevent them from being business majors.
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: An East Coast Elitist
Categories: Compare and contrast | Moms | Politics | Stupidity | Texas | Posted 2010-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...According to Perez.
Small child to father: You're a sad puppy that burps. You're a stinky puppy that's sad... and burps.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: elizabeth
Categories: Animals | Burping & farting | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Overheard in PDX | Should have used a condom | Posted 2010-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a One-Dish Meal!
Little boy, watching killer whale: It's a cow made of fish!
Marineland
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Animals | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Kids | Posted 2010-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesuits: Eeexcellent...!
Girl to another: She pulls the virgin card all the time, but she's such a slut.
North Dakota State University
Overheard by: Chelsea
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Gossip | Sexuality | Virginity | Posted 2010-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whoa, Is My Face Red
Jock: Dude, I went to our professor's office yesterday, and you know what? She has a giant bottle of lube just sitting there on her desk!
(pause)
Friend: You jackass! That's hand sanitizer on her desk, not lube!
University of Colorado
Overheard by: I keep the lube in the drawer
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Jocks | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2010-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So It's Like...a Gay Bar?
Guy, after burning left hand: But this is my special hand...
Friend: Why can't you just use your right hand for a while?
Guy: It's like being jerked off by a stranger.
Friend: What?
Guy: Imagine a stranger comes up to you and starts talking to you, and suddenly just starts jerking you off. (pause) Yeah. That's how it feels like.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Hands | Masturbation | New Jersey | Posted 2010-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bed, Bath and Beyoobies Stives to Be Inclusive
Crazy black guy, very loudly to himself: That's the factory where they make gay people, but I don't care, because that's also where they make boobies!
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: tom
Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Rack | Sexuality | Virginia | Posted 2010-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Probably an Aversion to Refried Telecommunications
Mexican girl: Do Mexicans even know how to use star 69? Because I asked one once, and she didn't.
Corpus Christi, Texas
Overheard by: overheardincc
Categories: Compare and contrast | Mexicans | Questions | Technology | Texas | Posted 2010-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: I'm Afraid You'd Kill Me
50-something guy on cell: Yeah, so honestly I don't think this will work out... I think your sexuality is a little... young for me.
Starbucks
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: dates older guys
Categories: Age and ageing | Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | On the phone | Sexuality | Posted 2010-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Burned My Eyebrows Off More Than Once
Girl #1: It's like those candy cigarettes you used to get at Halloween. It teaches kids bad principles.
Girl #2: Those taste like crap anyway.
Guy: Yeah, and they never catch.
Boone, North Carolina
Categories: Candy | Compare and contrast | Girls | Holidays | Smoking | Posted 2010-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Fat Elvis!
Grandmother to little boy: Elvis! Come here, we're going. (to store person) His mother was a big Elvis fan, so now he's a little Elvis.
Little boy: I have hair on my back!
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: About celebrities | Ass | Australia | Compare and contrast | Hair | Kids | Old folks | Posted 2010-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Nerds Have Sex Dreams
Guy on cell: My rocket scientist shows up, she's drunk! But she's capable.
Cafe
Champaign, Illinois
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Illinois | On the phone | Posted 2010-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't a Large Mouth Something You Look for in a Girl?
Guy #1: Dude, don't get me wrong--Laura* is great, but she's kind of...
Guy #2: Young?
Guy #1: Yeah, but also...
Guy #2: Goofy?
Guy #1: Yeah, but also...
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: She's kind of... She looks like Mick Jagger.
Guy #2: Oh, if you're trying to tell me she's unattractive, I know. But at least she won't cheat on me. (pauses, then laughs) Yeah, she does look like Mick Jagger! Good one!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: wow, that's harsh
Categories: About celebrities | Beauty | Compare and contrast | Guys | Infidelity | Pennsylvania | Posted 2010-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Why Are They Playing Naked Leapfrog?
Professor, showing slide: And here we have another example of a seal or stamp, with a procession of men along the bottom. However, they could be aliens. (pause) Anyways...
Art History Class
University of Alabama
Overheard by: Bennett
Categories: Alabama | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Note to Self: Don't Punch Natalie in the Nose
Boyfriend, pressing girlfriend's nose with thumb: Hmmm. I don't think I'd date you if you looked like this.
New Jersey
Categories: Beauty | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Hubbies | New Jersey | Posted 2010-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Be Granted Three Wishes.
Guy to girl: If I had an iPhone I wouldn't need a girlfriend, I would just rub that...
Valparaiso University
Indiana
Overheard by: Rachel Kaiser
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Gadgets | Girls | Guys | Indiana | Sex | Posted 2010-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But With a World-Class Shitty Attitude
Girl #1: Now, you're a native New Yorker. I can tell.
Girl #2: I'm from North Carolina.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Illinois | Stupidity | Posted 2010-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Can Easily Transition to Toucan Sam
Guy with empty bud light box on head: I look like Cap'n Crunch!
Marquette, Michigan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Food | Guys | Michigan | Pop culture | Posted 2010-02-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also, He's a Cocker Spaniel.
Pilot, on PA system, after a slightly bumpy landing: Ladies and gentlemen, that landing was not me or the plane. That was our co-pilot--he's required to complete one landing a month. And he blew it. Welcome to Chicago.
Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Nonplussed Passenger
Categories: Compare and contrast | Illinois | Pilots | Plane | Stupidity | Posted 2010-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Felt Like I Was in an Episode Of Sliders
Hip girl to friend: So I went to this Vietnamese restaurant and apparently it's run by Chinese people. Can they even do that?
Sydney
Australia
Prison Pretty Much Takes Care Of That, Anyway.
Teacher: So... then, what should happen to the guy?
Student #1: I think he should be sent to jail.
Student #2: I think that since he killed his neighbor, he should have to be killed himself. Get the death penalty. Ya know... "eye for an eye".
Student #3: That's the stupidest thing in the world. It doesn't work in all situations.
Student #2: Yes it does! Let's say some guy molests a kid, then the guy should... (pause) Ok... Nevermind.
High School
Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Crimes | Illinois | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Women Have Biological Clocks; Men Have Pop-up Timers
Woman #1: In all seriousness, given the choice, I don't know whether I'd prefer to be male or female.
Woman #2: It'd be really nice not to have cramps.
Woman #1: Yeah, and bleeding in public can be embarrassing, but perhaps less embarrassing than having things "pop up" unexpectedly.
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Angelica Burns
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Maladies | Penis | Women | Posted 2010-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Business in the Front and Party in the Back?
Girl waiting for bus: A skort is like a mullet for your ass.
Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Ass | Canadia | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Girls | Posted 2010-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ryan Seacrest Was Pissed, Too
Man: Yeah, so the whole night he kept telling us that he had trapped this "goblin" and had locked it under the stairs. So finally, at the end of the night, we went to go check, and found that he had locked a midget in the crawlspace.
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Magic | Massachusetts | Stupidity | Posted 2010-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is He Talking About Vagina? Discuss.
Little boy to mother: Mommy, it smells like eating wieners... right?
Walgreens Parking Lot
Port Chester, New York
Overheard by: Ldawg
Wanna See My Needlpoint Thong?
High school freshman, examining friend's boot in hallway: These are like hooker boots, except crochet.
High School
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: One fine piece of needlework
Categories: Compare and contrast | Pennsylvania | Preppies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Shoes | Posted 2010-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Best Possible Kind
Girl: A vagina is a delicate flower!
Guy: It's a fucking hole!
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Sex | Vagina | Posted 2010-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Feel the Same Way About Jello Wrestling
Woman: How is that anything like bathing in holy water?
Man: Well, you know... it was wet!
Toronto
Canadia
The Monkey's Paw Is Especially Disturbing
Girl #1: It's just such a gross look, y'know? And she totally didn't have the body for it either. Total crotch octopus.
Girl #2: Crotch octopus?
Girl #1: Yeah, you know. When the fabric clings... and shows all your goodies?
Girl #2: Do you mean camel toe?
Girl #1: Yes! Right! Camel toe! I knew it had something to do with animals and appendages!
Bryn Mawr College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Vagina | Posted 2010-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
College Exists to Prolong Adolescence
Female Brown student #1: That lab class is so stupid.
Female Brown student #2: Yeah. Harry Potter had the best labs.
Female Brown student #1, sighing: I wish this was Hogwarts.
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Sadie
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Pop culture | Rhode Island | Students | Posted 2010-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's a Clitoris?
Woman #1: Have you ever looked at your hymen?
Woman #2: No, and neither have you, because you're no longer a virgin.
Woman #1: Yes, I have! It's that little flap of skin at the top.
Woman #2: That's your clitoris, and you're an idiot.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
We'd Be Doing Bad Things, Too, If We Didn't Have Our Own Continent
Girl, seeing Palestine poster: Who do you go for?
Guy: What?
Girl: You know, between Israel and um, Pakistan.
Guy: You mean Palestine?
Girl: Whatever. Which one is doing the bad stuff?
Guy: They both are...
Girl: Yeah, I can never decide.
Sydney University
Australia
Overheard by: Don't hurt yourself, honey.
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Politics | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just When You Thought Human Sexuality Was Complicated Enough, Cloning Arrived.
Girl in debate to two guys at her table: But that doesn't make it gay. You're still having heterosexual sex, but you're just doing it next to yourself.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: true
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2010-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Window Into Their Relationship
Loud girl to boy: Sorry, I didn't listen... You know, I just stared out of the window and for a second thought, "wait a minute, I know that person"--only to realize it was my reflection! Does that happen to you sometimes?
Hamburg
Germany
Overheard by: Staring at my own reflection in disbelief
Categories: Compare and contrast | Germany | Girls | Guys | Questions | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whereas Canadia Only Feels Like It.
Strange girl: I'm so happy I live in Canada. If I lived anywhere else, I'd probably be in jail.
Norman Wells
Canadia
Overheard by: Tobac
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Girls | Happiness | Posted 2010-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need My Face for Other Things
Flamboyant grad student, on ice skating: I went years ago... and fell flat on my face. Then I decided that I was too important for this!
Oxford
England
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Compare and contrast | England | Leisure | Pride | Students | Posted 2010-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, It's Not Messy-- It's Calligraphy.
Preppy white boy: You're both women, and you're Asian! How can you have messy handwriting??
Professor: Wait, did I really just hear that?
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: The non-asian woman
Categories: Asians | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Indiana | Preppies | Questions | Race | Stupidity | Teachers | Whiteys | Posted 2010-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In My Expert Psychiatric Opinion.
Girl: And it's not like Jeffery Dahmer crazy, it's like Mel Gibson crazy.
Coffee Shop
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Asteria
Categories: About celebrities | Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Girls | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That's the Last Time We'll Discuss This, Dad.
Sorority girl to another: All I'm saying is that it would be a lot better at home if you used less tongue.
CU
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Licking | Sorority types | Posted 2010-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Make Us Sleep in Wood-shavings Again
Guy to girlfriend: Next break I'm going to hug you like a retard squeezing a hamster!
Burnaby
Canadia
Overheard by: Doesn't Like Hamsters Anyway
The Demographic Oprah Couldn't Reach
Delivery guy to guy wearing "Deadheads for Obama" t-shirt: So the Dead are for Obama?
Man: Uh-huh.
Delivery guy: Then so am I.
Burbank, California
Overheard by: Urzzz
Categories: California | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Employees | Music | Politics | Questions | Strangers | Posted 2010-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are the Two Mutually Exclusive?
Fat effeminate thug: Bitch, are you a daddy's gurl o' you jus' anotha gorilla?
North Hollywood
California
Overheard by: busninja
Categories: Animals | California | Compare and contrast | Fat people | Insults | Questions | Thugs | Posted 2010-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The New Party Game That's Sweeping Pennsylvania!
Girl to friend: Which would you rather die first, the dog or your dad?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2010-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That Includes the Presidency, Sir.
Girl: You know, everything is just a blowjob away...
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: BJs | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Girls | Posted 2010-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aren't You Glad We Can All Joke About Mass Murder Like This?
Sweet-ass security guard: Miss, you're going to have to hang up your phone and run it through the machine.
20-something girl intern: But I'm not a terrorist, and I'm on an important call. Can't I just walk through?
Sweet-ass security guard: Miss, that would be like Timothy McVeigh driving up and asking "hey, can I park my car here?"
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Compare and contrast | Cops | Crimes | Eavesdrop DC | Employees | Offers and requests | Violence | Posted 2010-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And My Dad Says I Don't Pursue My Goals!
30-something white guy on cell: It may be an all-time low, but I can successfully whack it to Telemundo.
Frisco, Texas
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | On the phone | TV shows | Texas | Whiteys | Posted 2010-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Not Get Two Whores and Make a Sandwich?
Drunk man to another: I don't know if I should get a sandwich or a fucking whore...
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drunks | Food | Illinois | Sex | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Geeks and Sexual Experimentation Are Often a Perilous Combo
Student to friend: Could you imagine having a test tube shatter while it is up your ass, or worse? I know a girl that it happened to!
Cabra Dominican College
Australia
Categories: Ass | Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Science | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Tina Turner, We Know.
Hungover girl: Oh my god! Look at my hair, it's a mess! I look like a horse's vagina!
Flight above London
England
Do I Know You?
Guy on crowded bus to friend: My undies are going to smell like Mexican food for a day and a half.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I don't want to know
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Food | Friends | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Undies | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What I Love About You-- You're Not Afraid to Take Risks
Girl #1: I pulled out my knuckle hair with my teeth just now.
Girl #2: What? What the hell?
Girl #1: I was bored. And I wanted to see what it would feel like.
(silence)
Girl #1: It felt like a pinch.
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Girls | Hair | Missouri | Sensory experiences | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About the Tossed Salad!
Guy: This macaroni and cheese tastes like prison.
Davenport, Iowa
Overheard by: Don