Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Comebacks All Categories > Topics > Comebacks
Recent | Best Of
Just Call Me Tweedle Diva
Fat black chick: Yo, real women got curves, nigga.
Black queer: Yeah, bitch, curves. You only got one big curve! (traces circle in air)
Bus
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Dropper of Eaves
Categories: Black people | Body parts | Bragging | Comebacks | Florida | Gays | Posted 2011-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, It's a Shit Party in Your Pants, Dude
Girl at party: For the last time: I am not interested in you. You're too short, too fat and too drunk!
Guy, defiantly: I'm not drunk! If I was drunk, I wouldn't think you were so fucking ugly!
(girl storms off angrily)
Guy, to himself: It's a shit party when the ugliest bitch at the party ain't a sure thing!!
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Scotty
Alanis Morissette Should Really Move on With Her Life
Angry girl shouting to her boyfriend hysterically: I can't believe you're ditching me, you will never, never, never find a girl like me in your entire fucking life again!
Boyfriend: That is the point.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Tadashi
Categories: Character | Comebacks | Couples | New York | Relationships | Posted 2011-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then at Least Invite Me, Next Time
Brunette to blonde: Stop being such a slut!
Blonde: No can do, bitch!
Williamsburg, Virginia
I Now Teach Courses in It to Other Moms
Kid: Mom... Mom... Mom! You're ignoring me again!
Mom: Yeah, I know. I've sort of learned to tune you out.
Bellingham, Washington
Unlike Yours, Stomachface.
Taller Asian teen: Ha ha! You're so short! Shorty!
Shorter Asian teen: (silence)
Taller Asian teen: Sorry, I was just kidding.
Shorter Asian teen, sadly: Well, it's only because my shoulders are below my head...
China
Categories: Asians | Beauty | Body parts | China | Comebacks | Posted 2010-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Thought There Was an Echo in Your Bathroom.
Guy in stall #1: Hi, how are you?
Guy in stall #2: Fine. Thanks.
Guy in stall #1: So what are you up to?
Guy in stall #2: Uh, the same as you.
Guy in stall #1: Can I come over?
Guy in stall #2: What the hell? I'm a little busy right now, freak!
Guy in stall #1: Listen, let me call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering my questions.
Restaurant Bathroom
Manhattan, New York
Your Editors Have Started to Hyperventilate
Upset girl to friend: Everything's not the way it should be, it's all wrong. I fail at life.
Friend: Oh, no, you don't fail at life! This is just one of those little things you will fix, along with other things you will fix, and in the end, you'll end up with a pile of little fixed things.
Christchurch
New Zealand
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Advice | Chicks | Comebacks | Compliments | Feelings | New Zealand | Posted 2010-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Here I Thought I Was Granting a Favor
Man: Who doesn't love a blowjob!?
Woman: The woman on her knees with a dick in her mouth.
Man: Huh? Really?
Woman: Duhhh!
Manhattan, New York
Aww, There You Go Again!
Guy to girl making a sound of discontentment: What was that? It was kinda cute. Do it again!
Girl: You think my discontentment is cute?!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | Feelings | Gripes | New Jersey | Relationships | Posted 2010-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Took Pictures and Visited the Gift Shop!
Girl: You fucked my vagina twice this weekend!
Guy, exasperated: You don't have to tell me! I was there!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | New Jersey | Sex | Vagina | Posted 2010-11-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Beaver + Ton = Beaverton
Man on cell, laughing: You don't need a chair! Your ass is so big you can sit on the ground! (pause, then enamored) Aw, I love that laugh. You know I wanna marry that laugh. (defensive) Why do you do that? You always do that when I try to share my feelings with you!
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: facepalm
Categories: Ass | Comebacks | Guys | On the phone | Oregon | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That Chinese for "You're Hot"?
Balding nerdy guy to cute Asian arty girl: What was your name again?
Cute Asian arty chick: No.
Pioneer Square
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: curtis martin
Categories: Asians | Comebacks | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Names | Questions | Washington | Posted 2010-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Not Writing Your Own Vows, Are You?
Person #1: What's that movie with Tom Hanks and the volleyball?
Person #2: Castaway.
Person #1: Oh, I'm so bored... You're like the volleyball to me. I don't necessarily like you, but you're there and I'm alone.
Guam
Another Conflict in Which the Swiss Happily Remain Neutral
Overweight redhead Southern lady #1, looking through Switzerland t-shirts: Y'all, Ginger... I think this size is a li'l too small...
Overweight redhead Southern lady #2: Naw, I think that looks 'bout right.
Random lady: I thought we went on vacation to get away from the Southerners, not go find some more...
Lucerne
Switzerland
Overheard by: marisawin
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Europe | Fat people | Strangers | Tourists | Posted 2010-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What With the Muffin Top, Camel Toe, and Side Ponytail
Guy to girl: You just give off that vibe that says "make fun of me!"
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: marisawin
So, Regardless, We're Going Green.
Student, as professor walks into classroom: Tomorrow's Earth Day!
Professor: Yesterday was 4/20!
Classroom, College of Marin
Marin County, California
Also Why Ashley from Real Housewives Of New Jersey Has So Many Friends.
Prissy girl on phone: You have a stupid face. You have to be my friend.
Cardiff
Wales
Overheard by: Gordinho
Categories: Body parts | Comebacks | Girls | Insults | On the phone | Stupidity | UK | Posted 2010-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Lot Of Us Are Asking Ourselves This About Mel Gibson.
Angry woman on cell: That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard! (pause) How are you even still alive?! How is it that the process of natural selection hasn't weeded you out by now? How have you made it this far through life being that stupid?
Sugar Hill, Georgia
Categories: Animals | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Georgia | Insults | On the phone | Women | Posted 2010-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Presenting: the Difference Between Straight and Really Straight
Guy #1, wiping sweat off forehead: Dude, if we hook up with any o' these broads tonight, there's no way we could go down on them.
Guy #2, slamming rest of his drink: Well, maybe you wouldn't. Personally, I don't mind a little gravy on the roast beef.
Guy #1: Jesus, that's fuckin' sick, man! What the fuck is wrong with you?
Six Degrees Bar
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Big D
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Comebacks | Drinking & drunks | Food | Guys | Illinois | Insults | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Questions | Posted 2010-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I'd Prefer Not to Be Thought Of As a Person.
Bad egg in sweater-vest: Gandhi was a Marlboro man, not Newport.
Friend in tight polo: You're the worst sort of person.
Bad egg in sweater-vest: That hurts.
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: About celebrities | Assholes | Comebacks | Connecticut | Feelings | Friends | Smoking | Posted 2010-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Competition for Upper Class Twit Of the Year Heats Up
Skinny ginger guy: Oh, don't over-egg the omelet!
Gorgeous girl: Uh... Omelets are mainly made of egg...?
Skinny ginger guy: Just because you wear glasses and go to university you think you're so smart. Well you're not. Because you're a girl! Nerrrrrrrrr!
Nottingham
England
Overheard by: Concerned_citizen
Categories: Comebacks | Education | England | Food | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Skinny people | Posted 2010-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think I've Seen This Daryl Hannah Movie...
Girl #1: Well, it doesn't bother me.
Girl #2: That's because you don't have to look at it!
Girl #3: You. Look. Like. A. Whore.
Girl #4: But a mermaid whore!
University of Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Florida | Girls | Sex | Posted 2010-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...What's Next-- You Gonna Audit Me?
Drunk girl stumbling outside bar, dropping purse and chasing after boyfriend: You are the ruiner of fun.
Provincetown, Massachusetts
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Comebacks | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Massachusetts | Relationships | Posted 2010-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So I'll Steal Your Wallet Respectfully.
Hobo: Can I ask for a favor?
Man: Not today, mate (walks away)
Hobo, muttering: Well, at least you're honest.
Outside Mall
West Australia
...Unless You're Ready to Make the Commitment Once and for All.
Construction worker #1, singing: I'm not talking 'bout moving in...
Construction worker #2: Shut the fuck up already!
Thibodaux, Louisiana
Categories: Comebacks | Construction workers | Insults | Louisiana | Posted 2010-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Although You're Kind Of Taking the Choice Out Of My Hands Right Now.
40-something pant suit lady #1: I've been trying to cut back on my calories.
40-something pant suit lady #2: Well, you should try...
40-something pant suit lady #3, interrupting: You should try eating a lot of fruit.
40-something pant suit lady #1: Yeah, that sounds like a great idea, my friend told me about...
40-something pant suit lady #2, interrupting: No one ever listens to me! You're always ignoring what I'm saying, and I have a lot of good things to say. (turns to 20-something male at next table) You would listen to me wouldn't you?
20-something male, looking annoyed: No.
Panera
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: Sweedie
As We Learned in Biology Class
Drunk dude to girl: You will get absolutely no penis in your life! None!
Transit Train
New Jersey
Overheard by: Russ
Raise Your Hand If You See Nothing Wrong with This Logic
Old Scottish professor in mid lecture: There happened to be something wrong with the quality of the product from the plant in Belgium, and the company response was: "well, of course you're getting sick, you live in Belgium. What a stupid place to live."
Medford, Massachusetts
Plus I Feel a Little Gay Riding a Log
Intimidating black man on log flume: This ain't no romantic cruise!
Busch Gardens, Florida
Categories: Black people | Comebacks | Feelings | Florida | Thugs | Posted 2010-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Grocery Store Is to Me What Internet Porn Is to Your Father
Son: Mom, can we get something?
Mom: No.
Son: Can we get some Life Savers?
Mom: No.
(son walks over with five Hershey bars)
Son: These?
Mother: No. And if I bought them, I'd eat them all in front of you.
Rocky River, Ohio
Overheard by: Beanah
It's Like Using Sarcasm on a Child, Right?
Father to son spending too long to wipe off boo boo with blankie: Do you know the definition of insanity?
Four-year-old son: Yes.
Mount Vernon, New York
Now Let's Go Look at It in One Of Those Funhouse Mirrors, Okay?
30-something lady to teen boy: It's so... small!
Teen boy: No one asked you to measure it.
Carson City, Nevada
Overheard by: Bailey W.
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Nevada | Teens | Women | Posted 2010-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And My Glitter Is Edible
Slutty chick to guy next to her: I'm not clever, but I'm sparkly!
New Orleans, Louisiana
You Were Number Six!
Sex-ed teacher: This 16-year-old girl had nine partners.
Kid in the back: I want to be number ten!
Tampa, Florida
Apparently Ending Sentences with Prepositions Is Not on That List.
Amnesty International worker: Do you guys have a minute to help end violence against women?
Dude #1: I'm Cambridge's one registered Republican. Do you have a minute to talk about the things I don't have a minute for?
Dude #2: Burn!
Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Assholes | Comebacks | Guys | Massachusetts | Time Management | Posted 2010-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Girls Need Extra Nuts on Their Hot Fudge Sundae
Girl to boyfriend: By the way, I'm cheating on you.
Edwardsville, Illinois
Overheard by: M
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | Illinois | Infidelity | Posted 2010-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean Unprepared to Fight Me
50-something grubby, scruffy-looking woman: Why are you dressed like that?
40-something very nicely dressed woman: What, you mean well?
KMart Parking Lot
Delaware County, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jayvee
Then He Was Like, "This Is a Job Interview, Tanya."
Black teen girl to friend: He was like "you're so high you don't even know what to do!" and I was like "nigga, this ain't the first time I smoked!"
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Hancock
They Proceeded to Link Arms and Skip Off Into the Sunset
Obnoxious panhandler: Spare change if you give a shit! Spare change if you give a shit!
Sassy gay man walking by: I don't.
Obnoxious panhandler: Me neither!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: RP
Categories: California | Comebacks | Hobos | Panhandling | Queers | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jack Daniels and Cigarettes: the Early Years
Girl: Good morning, Rob*.
Guy, gasping: Your voice changed! It's deeper!
Girl: Oh. This is my morning voice. It's how I sound in the morning.
Guy: You're not cute anymore!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Boyfriend Is Willing to Stick It in Any Cavity
Girl #1: I had to go to the dentist, and I spent over a million dollars!
Girl #2: Oh my god, what did you have done?
Girl #3: She had a dick removed from her mouth.
Peoria, Illinois
Overheard by: Allison
Though Every Drunken Brawl Is Like a Snowflake.
Female college student: My new thing is going to bed at a decent time when I have class in the morning.
20-something college dropout: My new thing is binge drinking every day. But I guess that's not really new.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: passing out at a decent hour
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Education | Overheard in Minneapolis | Students | Time Management | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Feel Like You Lost Your Virginity to the Wrong Guy?
Dirty hippie guy to dirty hippie girl: If your vagina's that sore, then just go home!
Dunegrass Music Fest
Empire, Michigan
Overheard by: So Confused
Now at Least Describe the Butts to Me, Winifred.
Old woman in wheelchair being driven around busy food court: I hate this place! All I can see are people's butts.
Old man behind her: So why are you having me cart you around the city in a wheelchair for?!
Mall
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: I saw her later stand up...
When Their Tongues Touched, They Produced Amy Winehouse.
Girl, after kissing boy: You taste like smoke.
Boy: You taste like testicles.
Las Vegas, Navada
Overheard by: ScaredTourist
Categories: Balls | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Nevada | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Often Get Out Of Limos with No Underwear on
Guy #1: I think you'd make a great Paris Hilton.
Guy #2: I do have a very womanly figure.
Guy #1: And you're a whore.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: About celebrities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Guys | Illinois | Sexuality | Posted 2009-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially with That Hannah Montana Wig on
Girl #1: Did you see the pictures of Joan* from last night?
Girl #2: Yeah, that's what somebody without a soul looks like.
Chico, California
Overheard by: Colleen
Categories: California | Comebacks | Girls | Questions | Posted 2009-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Warned You About Drinking from the Open Bottles
NYU guy in audience during group skits: PBR doesn't taste as good on a Sunday morning as it did last night at the party.
NYU girl in audience during group skits: Yeah, I'm like, "someone might as well just piss in my mouth instead."
Rock Hill, New York
Overheard by: I think I'll still go with the PBR
...As Dear Abby Told You in That Column
Girl #1, throwing home pregnancy test into friend's basket: Here, I think you need this.
Girl #2, throwing box of condoms into friend's basket: Not as much as you need these, you slut.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Erica
Categories: Comebacks | Condoms | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Pregnancy | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because I Buy You Drinks?
Girl: Dude, she digs you, why don't you ask her out?
Guy: She's fat.
Girl: You are so fucking pretentious and shallow.
Guy: I'm okay with that. It means I only fuck hotties.
Girl: We fucked, does that mean you think I'm a hottie?
Guy: No, that just means I was drunk and you were willing.
Girl: Why am I friends with you?
Guy: I have no idea.
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Beauty | Colorado | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Insults | Sex | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Parents Are Native American. What's It to You?
Drunk guy, walking into bathroom: Hey, you are at my pisser!
Sober guy at urinal: I didn't realize your name was "push to flush."
Bar
Michigan
Overheard by: I wasn't looking
They Have a Ring on Them for Every Guy I've Slept with
Girl to man: You think I'm a virgin? Take a look at these titties and then tell me I'm a virgin!
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Maggie
Your Friends Say It All the Time.
Little girl, singing: You got a fat butt, you got a fat butt!
Mother: Now sweetie, that's not nice to say about mommy.
Little boy: But its true!
Dressing Room
Union, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Ass | Assholes | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Breakfast Is the Most Important Meal Of the Day
Girl on cell: So he was like, "I was thinking about going to Austin, because Brian's there." and I was like, "Fuck Brian. I make better waffles."
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Food | Girls | Insults | Massachusetts | On the phone | Posted 2009-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Learned That the Hard Way.
Girl: Oh my god, I love their deep-fried mac and cheese balls!
Boy: I got some fried mac and cheese balls for you.
Girl: Tommy, if you tried to dip your balls in a deep fryer, they would probably fall off.
Boy: No they wouldn't.
Waiter, passing by quickly: Yes they would!
Cheesecake Factory
Kettering, Ohio
She Also Wondered This Throughout The Sound Of Music
Fashionable girl to singing man on bicycle: Excuse me, are you mentally ill or just musically inclined?
Düsseldorf
Germany
Overheard by: Anja Schwalm
According to Mom's New Boyfriend
Six-year-old girl at the zoo: (drops French fries one by one)
Dad: Why are you dropping French fries?
Six-year-old girl: To feed them!
Dad: No one wants your old French fries.
Six-year-old girl: You're an old French fry!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Dave
I'm Sure Law Enforcement Will Understand
Female law student, after declining jello shot: No, I have to drive you home.
Male law student: I don't want a cranky sober person driving me home!
St. Petersburg, Florida
Though I Notice You Are Cultivating Quite an Impressive Beer-Gut
College girl #1, walking past maternity section: That's a cute dress.
College girl #2: Yeah, I don't have the boobs to wear it.
College girl #1: Oh, that's a cute one too!
College girl #2: You don't have the fetus to fill out that dress.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: m.
Your Editors Feel a Fierce College Nostalgia Coming on
Girl to girl and guy: Guys, can I just tell you about my weekend?
(no reply)
Girl again: Can I tell ya'll about my weekend?
(they look at her and nod)
Girl again, whispering: It had to do with a penis...
UNCC Campus
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Girls | Guys | North Carolina | Penis | Questions | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then They Told Me There'd Be Free Lunch
Incredulous girl: They wanted me to do jury duty. I told them I ain't no snitch!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that doesn?t make sense.
Categories: Comebacks | Crimes | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Brad's Mistake Was Majoring in Women's Studies
Guy to friend: Why do I have such a small dick?
SUNY Binghamton
New York
Nobody Ever Asked Elvis That
14-year-old boy #1: Dude, try my sunnies on! They're super dark!
(boy #1 hands glasses over to boy #2)
14-year-old boy #2: Cool, they are pretty dark!
14-year-old boy #3: Hey, cool! They totally go with your hair!
14-year-old boy #2: Are you queer?
Perth
Western Australia
Australia
I Wondered Why She Was So Hairy.
College guy #1: Hey, remember that time I fucked your mom in the ass?
College guy #2: Hey, remember that time I dressed up as my mom?
Fulton, Missouri
Overheard by: The Sweetheart
Categories: Ass | Backdoor | Clothing | Comebacks | Family ties | Frat boy types | Missouri | Questions | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Planning on Staying in New Jersey
Saleswoman: Have a nice day!
Irritated customer: I've already made other plans.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Steve
Drag Queens Are Treated Like Livestock in Canadia
Four-year-old boy, dancing happily down sidewalk: I'm like a princess! I'm like Cinderella!
Mother: Except you stink. So more like stinkerella.
Calgary
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Posted 2009-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can I Get a High Five? Anybody? Anybody?
Man with sons and wife: We made good time. Only took an hour.
Wife, getting angry: Would you stop letting people know how ignorant you really are?
Man: So what? We did the Louvre in 45 minutes.
Reina Sofia Museum
Madrid
Spain
Overheard by: amy abes
Categories: Comebacks | Family | Family ties | Insults | Questions | Spain | Stupidity | Time Management | Posted 2009-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Judging from What I've Seen on YouTube
Teen daughter: Mom, what does an orgasm feel like?
Mom, looking at older daughter: Ask your sister, she'd probably know better than I would.
Portland, Oregon
And I Know What "Autoeroticism" Means
Four-year-old in shopping cart: Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda! (repeated over and over)
Mom: Stop that! Stop saying that!
Four-year-old: (continues)
Mom: You don't even know what that means! Just because you don't know what something means doesn't mean you can just repeat it like that. (turns to man behind her in line) I don't know where he gets this stuff.
Four-year-old: I heard it from you, crazy!
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Lindsay
I Embraced Your Principles and Your Boyfriend
Teen girl #1: We're the same person.
Teen girl #2: You have syphilis.
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: nyssa
Let the Nitpicking Begin!
Guy to girlfriend: You know, I got the crabs.
Girlfriend: Emm... okay.
Guy: Guess what?
Girlfriend: What?
Guy: You got 'em too, stupid!
San Francisco, California
That's the Beauty Of Singapore-- You Don't Have To.
Guy: Obviously, you've never been to Singapore.
Girl: Obviously, you've never pleased a woman.
Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: bethany
I Mean, Look at Betty Boop
Random girl to friend: Just because I've seen your o-face doesn't mean you're attractive.
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: C.S.
Show a Man a Waxed Pussy and You Could Have Brillo on Your Legs
Bikini gal to friend: Wow! Do you ever shave? Your leg stubble just about took my eye out!
Friend: Please, I just spent $85 dollars on a Brazilian wax...look!
Bikini gal: Okay, Brittany, pull your fucking suit up! I'm just talking about your legs!
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: zelph
...I Suddenly Had a Brilliant Idea.
Lady #1: My husband and I are going to Vegas tomorrow for four days. Our only trip without the kids. I am ticked because today I got my period.
Lady #2: Oh, what a pain in the ass.
Lady #1: Ahhhh?!
Hamburg, Michigan
Categories: Backdoor | Comebacks | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Michigan | Women | Posted 2009-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only Because Of All These Brown Splotches, Though.
Girl #1: He keeps calling me a slut whenever I see him, and I'm like "what the hell?", you know?
Girl #2: You should say something back.
Girl #1: Yeah, but I don't know what.
Girl #2: Oh! Let me help you, I'm good with comebacks! You should say, "well, at least I... (long pause) ...look like a cookie."
High School Bathroom
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Meghan
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | Nevada | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who We Are As Kids Is Who We Are in Life
Friend #1: Do you remember when we were little and I used to show the neighbor's boys my boobs so they'd give me candy? Bet you're glad I stopped doing that!
Friend #2: What are you talking about? The only thing that's changed is your form of payment! You just finished telling everyone not two minutes ago how last week you won $200 on amateur's night when you went to the strip club with the guys!
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Categories: Candy | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Memory lane | Money | Nipples | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Almost Like You're Blaming the Victim Here
Guy, carrying basket: It's just hard to know that I did so much for her, I did everything right in our marriage and now she is intentionally trying to hurt me.
Girl, pushing cart: Seriously? You did everything right?
Guy: Yes, I did.
Girl: Um, you slept with me.
Guy: Yeah, but that was a long time ago and I didn't do it to hurt her.
Trader Joe's
Hillcrest, California
Categories: California | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Infidelity | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2008-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is Anybody Shocked That Las Vegas Has Creepy Guys?
Creepy lurky guy at bar (walking up and smelling girl sitting at table): Sorry y'all. Just smells really good.
Friend of girl (giving guy a dirty look): That was awkward.
Creepy lurky guy: Well, maybe you shouldn't be here then.
Friend of girl: Well, maybe you shouldn't be trying to smell us.
Blue Martini
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Ariola
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Comebacks | Compliments | Creepsters | Default | Friends | Guys | Nevada | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Argument Makes Your Editors So Tired We Must All Take Naps Now
Sorority girl to lit class: So she was all saying that I was totally against feminism if I insisted on shaving my legs. And I said she was totally against feminism if she insisted on being a whore!
University of Nebraska
Lincoln, Nebraska
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Default | Nebraska | Politics | Sexuality | Shaving | Sorority types | Posted 2008-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Are You Going with This?
Drunk: Two of my three girlfriends just dumped me. I'm looking for replacements.
Cute blonde: Do you like beer?
Drunk: Yes.
Cute blonde: In your face?
Carlton
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: itookherhome
Joke's on You--I've Got Some in My Purse
Waitress: What kind of dressing would you like on your salad? We have French, Thousand Island and Italian.
Gorgeous blond: I'll have Ranch.
Waitress: No.
Glenwood Springs, Colorado
Not the First Time He's Had to Clarify That Today
Guy: That motherfucking cop has driven past here twice in the last fifteen minutes.
Cop (on car's loudspeaker): I'm not a motherfucker.
University of Georgia
Athens, Georgia
Overheard by: Anne
Especially the One from Little House on the Prairie
Very obnoxious drunk man to long-suffering waitress: Hey, what's your name, anyway?
Waitress (coldly): Melissa.
Drunk man (softly): Awww, my daughter's name is Melissa.
Waitress: Well, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we usually turn out slutty.
Bar
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Comebacks | Creepsters | Customers | Default | Drunks | Family ties | Guys | Insults | Names | Questions | Servers | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Instead, I'll Discuss Your Pain With This Complete Stranger
Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn't have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How's your butt feel? Ha! I haven't even told my friends about that yet!
Richmond, Virginia
It's Hard to Be Sure, but I Think I Won
College girl: And then she got all high and mighty about it. She was like: "Remember when you passed out in my bathroom? I do!" And I was like: "Remember when you were born and looked like a man? I do!"
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Insults | Kids | New York | Sorority types | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You've Taught Him Respect
Hubby: Absolute power corrupts absolutely, dear.
Wifey: It's not absolute.
Hubby: It isn't?
Wifey: No. You're not bowing.
Cashier: Ooh, I like you.
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Overheard by: the girl with the hat
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Couples | Customers | Default | Employees | Hubbies | Wisconsin | Women | Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But We Call Them "American Voters"
American chick #1: Ohmigod! Look at those white cows! I've never seen cows like that before!
American chick #2: Maybe they're albino... Or it could be a special British type of cow.
Guy sitting behind them: ... Those are sheep.
Bus, Southern England
Overheard by: pretends to be Canadian
You're Lucky You Were Able to Kiss All My Anger Away
Guy #1: Dude... that joke went to far.
Guy #2: You know what was going too far, David*? Breaking into my house.
Bolingbrook High School
Bolingbrook, Illinois
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Guys | Illinois | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Was I Awake?
Tipsy girlfriend, playing "Never Have I Ever": Never have I ever done 69 with anyone.
Boyfriend: Ping.
Girlfriend: What?! Who did you 69?!
Boyfriend: You, fool!
Girlfriend: Oh.
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: outfirst
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Games | Girls | Guys | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Jessie Got Us Arrested
[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]
Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We're all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you're 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you're 37 and looking for a boyfriend!
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Age and ageing | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Cops | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Relationships | Sexuality | Sorority types | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Recap: I Rock, You Suck for Money, I Get Laid for Free
Ex-husband: I can't believe you brought a date to our divorce hearing.
Ex-wife: Fuck you! You hooked up with a girl in court.
Ex-husband: I didn't "hook-up" with her, we made plans for lunch today.
Ex-wife: And that's better?
Ex-husband: Actually, it's quite impressive. I rock, you suck, I'm getting laid tonight.
Ex-wife: I got laid last night.
Ex-husband: That's because you are a dirty hooker.
San Diego Family Court
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Sean
Categories: Bragging | California | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Guys | Insults | Pride | Relationships | Sex | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do I Have to Rationalize for Everyone in This Family?
Fat kid: Mom, I wanna go on a diet.
Fat mom: You don't need to go on a diet, you're too young!
Fat kid: You aren't too young.
Fat mom: Shush.
Meat Section at Publix
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Trevor Allen
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Fat people | Florida | Moms | Should have used a condom | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is What Happens When Harry Potter Fans Grow Up
Extremely drunk chick crying: I love him so much and he doesn't even know! He's my soulmate.
Exasperated sober chick: He's fictional!
Armory Square
Syracuse, New York
Is That Why You Keep Flinging Rocks at My Forehead?
Little boy: I don't have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do sweetie...
Little boy: No! I don't have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do...
Little boy: No, you're a giant!
Grocery Store
Colorado
Overheard by: Not a Giant or a Grandma
Categories: Colorado | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Family | Family ties | Fears | Guys | Kids | Kids | Old folks | Sensory experiences | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Doesn't Translate Well
Muslim girl: Ramadan Mubarak!
Girl: What does that mean?
Muslim girl: It means, like, "Yay, it's Ramadan!"
Girl: So, like ... "Yay, I'm not eating or having sex most of the day!"?
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Comebacks | Girls | Holidays | Insults | Language barrier | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | Words | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Knew a Menorah Could Even Be Used That Way?
Casual guy: It's amazing how chummy they are now.
Guy in suit: Chummy? They're like having weird gay-slash-Jewish sex.
Thornton School of Music, USC
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Yapplebee
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Guys | Religion | Sex | Suits | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Demanded by the Quality of Your Recent Essays
Professor: Okay, time to get back to class.
Student: But this conversation is so rewarding.
Professor: Sorry, but some of us have to go out drinking later tonight.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Bringing it back to you | Comebacks | Drinking & drunks | Education | Overheard at UMBC | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, It Has the Word "Vajayjay" on the Cover
Twelve-year-old boy to friend: I didn't know bookstores had porn!
Friend: Dude, that's Cosmo!
Barnes & Noble
Illinois
Categories: Books | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Friends | Guys | Illinois | Pop culture | Porn | Stores | Tweens | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Gerbil Was Menstruating!
Sorority girl: Well, yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that you have a tampon in your butt.
Dickinson College
Carlisle, Pennsylvania
Categories: Ass | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Sexuality | Sorority types | Posted 2008-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do Girls Have Penises? Discuss
[Chick #1 drops purse, condom falls out.]
Chick #2: [Hands it back.] I didn't know you had a penis.
Chick #1: I'm just being prepared.
Chick #2: In case you grow a penis?
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Couldn't You Just Ask for the Air-speed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow?
Bouncer: I don't know... Do you have another piece of ID on you?
Blonde: No, but go ahead, ask me anything!
Bouncer: Why don't your shoes match your skirt?
London, Ontario
Canadia
I Figure Since He Died for Me, I May As Well Give Him Something Nice to Look At
Man: I'm giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you're concerned with your figure?
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Maggie
Categories: Beauty | Christianity | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Food | Guys | Holidays | Jesus | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Instead I Politely Smell Your Crotch
Middle school chick: Sir, are you married?
Substitute teacher: That's a very personal question. That's like if I asked you, "Has it started yet?"
Terman Middle School
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: heerothewizard
Categories: California | Chicks | Comebacks | Education | Etiquette | Gender issues | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Tweens | Posted 2008-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Last Time, Destiny, That's a Penis
Wannabe pickup artist: So, tell me your secrets.
Hot girl: I'm not sure...
Wannabe pickup artist: C'mon.
Hot girl: Okay, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.
Wannabe pickup artist: Fine.
Hot girl: I have a tail.
Albany Park
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Ivan Alfaro
Trust Me --That's My Schtick
Overly optimistic girl: He's kinda sketchy, but in a nice way.
Passing stranger: Not possible!
Concordia University
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Advice | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Girls | Strangers | Words | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In L.A., Teenage Girls Who Don't Look Good Naked Are Put to Death
Teen girl #1, looking at hot teen guy's myspace page: He likes me.
Teen girl #2: No, he doesn't.
Teen girl #1: Yes, he does. He told me I'd look good naked.
Teen girl #2: Well, that's just a fact. It doesn't mean he likes you.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Beauty | Bragging | California | Comebacks | Compliments | Friends | Girls | Pride | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Take a Bite of This Apple
Boy: I believe in waiting until marriage.
Girl: That's funny, cause I believe in you fucking my brains out.
Bryn Mawr College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Bimbettes | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Religion | Religious fanatics | Sex | Students | Wishes | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As I Have Noticed Your Lack of Training Wheels
Drunk girl in bar to bartender: You should be so lucky as to have sex with me.
Bartender: I wouldn't fuck you for practice.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: warm ups?
Ever Seen a Cooch Do Three Snaps in Z-Formation?
Girl: Ryan, if you had a vagina, what would she wear?
Boy: She? What if I had a male vagina?
Boy #2: Oh, he would be so sassy!
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Livi
Portrait of the State Senator As a Young Man
Guy #1: God, that burns! Chlamydia's a bitch! You ever get chlamydia?
Guy #2: Nah, man. I don't fuck sluts.
Guy #1: Well, I do!
College Park, Maryland
I Pay for the Ones That Come in the Mail
Guy #1: So, where do you meet girls?
Guy #2: You mean, at the strip club?
Guy #1: I mean the ones you don't pay for.
Guy #2: At the strip club.
Skillman, New Jersey
Categories: Comebacks | Default | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2008-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Stand Out from Your Husband's Other Wives
Mother: That dress is cheap -- cheap like the cigarette cartoons in my mother's freezer.
Daughter: It's prom. You're supposed to look cheap.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Alphonse Was Sick That Day in Health Class
Middle-aged black man #1: She has a pretty face.
Middle-aged black man #2: I can't fuck a face!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Tad Allagash
Categories: Black people | Comebacks | Compliments | Default | Gripes | Guys | Illinois | Posted 2008-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Between Lute Lessons
Teacher, incredulously: You never read Harold and the Purple Crayon?!
Student: Well, sorry, I was reading Machiavelli.
Shout-out: overheardinhighschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Books | Comebacks | Default | Gripes | Overheard in High School | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gonna Work a Little Child-Support-Reducing Magic
Little boy: Daddy, how are we going to get down?
Father: Parachutes.
Top of Space Needle
Seattle, Washington
You Probably Should Just Finish Up the Bottle
Husband: Can I have one of my pills?
Wife: Didn't you just take two a little bit ago?
Husband: Just the two you told me I took.
Frankenmuth, Michigan
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | Default | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Actually, Can I Just Get a Hot Chocolate?
Customer: I'd like some tea... Organic mint, please.
Barista: Okay, we have organic lemon and organic Earl Grey.
Customer: Um... Actually, I wanted the organic mint.
Barista: Oh, we have that, too.
Customer: Okay, then. That's the one I'll have.
Design Coffee shop, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Baristas | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Customers | Default | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Washington | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That a Lip-Liner and EpiPen in One?
Hottie: Here ya go -- put this in your man-purse for me, please.
Indie boyfriend, indignantly: It's not a man-purse! It's a medical evac bag!
Hottie: Okay. You got any bandages or sterile alcohol in there?
Indie boyfriend: ... No.
Hottie: Yeah, right -- it's a man-purse. [Guy sullenly puts item in bag.]
Target, Saint Matthews
Louisville, Kentucky
Not If You Swallow the Sperm Like a Good Girl
Girl: I heard cum was high in protein, but it's also high in calories.
Guy: Yes... It is also high in Vitamin D, iron, serotonin. Sadly, a woman's body can hardly produce an equally useful food supplement.
Girl: ... It produces babies!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Doreen Applies the Scientific Method
Dunkin' Donuts chick: All guys are jerks.
Customer: Aw, come on -- I'm a nice guy.
Dunkin' Donuts chick: Well, I haven't tried you yet.
Newark, New Jersey
Categories: Blue collar | Comebacks | Customers | Default | Gripes | New Jersey | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's in My Sippy Cup Right Now
Second grade teacher: Okay, so if you are what you eat, what food would you be?
Student #1: Cake!
Student #2: Candy!
Student #3: Beer!
Second grade teacher: No, you can't choose that. It's illegal for you to drink beer.
Student #3: But I drink it all the time!
St. Catharine's
Ontario
Canadia
He Doesn't Go Very Far In
Young fashionista #1: How do you stay so positive?
Young fashionista #2: Oh, you know, I just don't let the bad stuff in.
Young fashionista #1: What about Pedro?
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: paparazzi
Categories: Brazil | Comebacks | Default | Hipsters | Office politics | Philosophy | Sex | Zombies | Posted 2008-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Turkey Exploded Through the Neighbor's Window Like a Mortar Round
20-ish girl, reminiscing: Yeah, one year we deep-fried a turkey... But then the driveway caught on fire.
Friend, laughing: What?! How?!
20-ish girl, distressed: I don't want to talk about it right now.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Celessa Dietzel
Well, That's a Given
HS boy #1: I love cheesecake in my mouth.
HS boy #2: You love dick in your mouth!!
HS boy #1: Well, yeah, if it has cheesecake on it!
Christiansburg, Virginia
And Look at David Hasselhoff.
Cute redhead: I don't think I could air my laundry in an art show. It seems terribly narcissistic.
Short male companion: A little narcissism never hurt anybody!
Cute redhead: Um, it hurt Narcissus.
London
England
Might As Well Have Said, "He Has a 5-Inch Penis and a Job at Foot Locker"
Girl #1: I think he's a nice guy.
Girl #2: Nice is the ultimate mediocrity.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: girl in scrubs
Categories: Comebacks | Compliments | Default | Girls | Minnesota | Overheard in Minneapolis | Words | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just When Race Relations Were Improving in Boston
White tourist: I'm really sorry -- I don't have any change. If I did, I'd give you some, but I don't, so... sorry. Good luck with everything...
Black dude: Cracka, I'm ain't homeless!
Hynes Convention Center subway stop
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Black people | Comebacks | Default | Feelings | Massachusetts | Public transportation | Tourists | Whiteys | Posted 2008-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Money's on the Democrats
Middle-aged student: ... But technically, can a woman get pregnant by two different men?
Biology professor: Depends on what party she went to.
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jessica
A Strategy I Didn't Quite Think Through
20-ish chick: I can't believe I faked a pregnancy just to get back at a guy! I'm so psycho!
Friend with baby: Pshhh, that's nothing -- I actually got pregnant!
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Plus, That's Chicken
20-something guy, about his sushi: This takes me back to when I used to live in Japan.
Brunette: When did you ever live there?
20-something guy: No, I mean in my past life.
Brunette: What makes you think you were Japanese?
20-something guy: Because ever since I was little I have always loved seafood.
Brunette: ... Maybe you were a fish.
20-something guy: Not cool.
Sushi restaurant
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Wallflower
Categories: Animals | Comebacks | Default | Food | Geography | Girls | Guys | Massachusetts | Memory lane | Restaurants | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I've Gone to Quite a Few Tastings
Dude: Eggs are just chicken menstruation.
Tired guy: Best menstruation I've ever had!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: douglas
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Default | Food | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2008-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A.K.A. Sunburned Cock
Meathead: Those guys are steroid monkeys.
Girl: Oh... So, you don't do steroids?
Meathead: No, girl, I eat grilled chicken.
1400 East 6th Street
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: dana
Now I Only Eat It
Dude #1: So, when the hell did you start smoking cigarettes?
Dude #2: Last week.
Dude #1: Why the hell did you do that?
Dude #2: I wanna stop smoking pot.
University of Miami
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Stosh
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Default | Druggies | Drugs | Florida | Guys | Questions | Smoking | Time Management | Posted 2008-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Both Right!
Preppy girl #1: Wow, now we all have the same necklace! We should all wear them the next time we go out!
Preppy girl #2: Yeah! We'd be like the Power Rangers or something!
Preppy girl #3: Or we'd be like douchebags.
Eastern Market
Washington, DC
Overheard by: office peon does d.c.
Categories: Comebacks | Default | Fashion | Girls | Insults | Offers and requests | Preppies | Stores | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Have Not Converted a Man because You Have Silenced Him
Guy: Look! A squirrel!
Girl: Awww! It's cute.
Guy: It's a girl squirrel.
Girl: How do you know?
Guy: It has squirrel tits. [Girl hits him over the head.]
Newark, Delaware
Ummm, We're at a Wal-Mart in Tennessee.
Mom: Do you want to take your coat off?
Toddler: Go to hell!
Wal-Mart
Hendersonville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Tanner
Why Do You Always Have to Add That?
Guy #1, leaving the bar: I'll see you later.
Guy #2, still nursing his drink: Yeah, if I don't die first.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: molly
Categories: Airports & flights | Comebacks | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Oregon | Overheard in PDX | Time Management | Posted 2008-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
First-Year Teachers Are So Cute
Planned parenthood speaker: Who wants some condoms?
Class, in unison: Your mom.
High school assembly
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Comebacks | Counselors | Default | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Without People Getting All Weird about It
Boy: I wish everything in the world was made of chocolate.
Grandfather: That would sure be interesting!
Boy: Yeah. Then I could eat my brother...
Waterford, Michigan
Overheard by: Gary Lewis
We Take It Ourselves
Meth user: Am I too late to get my methadone?
Young pharmacist: Yes. After five p.m. we dump all the methadone down the drain.
Meth user, very nervous: Are you kidding?!
Young pharmacist, laughing: Yes, I am.
Fort Erie, Ontario
Canadia
... Motherfucker.
20-ish mom to man: So what? I mean, I'm miserable, and I still manage to be perky and upbeat...
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Massachusetts | Moms | Posted 2008-02-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Has He Given You a Satisfactory Answer to That Question?
Thugette, into phone: How it gon' be warm one day, rain the next, and freezin' the next?
Asian guy: It's called a cold front. Take a science class.
Thugette: I don't need no science, nigga! I got God!
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
If You Don't Believe It, Google "Self-Suck"
Guy: ... So I was like, 'Dude, just this time, you're not allowed to suck your own dick,' and he says,'Dude, I totally won't.' So I say to him, 'Man, you're doing it right now.'
University of British Columbia
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
My Standards Are Low, but I Adhere to Them
Female customer: I would never do anything with someone other than my boyfriend.
Male customer: You cheated on your husband!
Female customer: I wasn't in love with my husband.
Visible Voice Books
Cleveland, Ohio
I'd Recommend against Frying Bacon, Though
Chick on cell: You can do that naked?!
Dude: Honey, you can do a lot of things naked.
Blockbuster Video
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Revulsion of People
Further Evidence That Frat Boys Are Born, Not Made
Two-year-old: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy...
Mother, trying to talk to her friend: What?!
Two-year-old, thrusting pizza at her: Blow me!
Mom's friend: Well, that's one for the baby book.
Pizza Hut
Maryland
Possibly because I Spend Every Night Discussing Pee Stamina with You
Guy #1: It doesn't matter if you can pee longer than I can, because I can still drink more than you, so I win overall.
Guy #2: No, peeing longer means I can have sex longer than you.
Guy #1: ... Dude, you're a virgin.
Restroom, Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: What the...
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Massachusetts | Virginity | Posted 2008-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Old School!
Girl #1: So, did you MapQuest it?
Girl #2: No, we gas-stationed it!
Tyler, Texas
Overheard by: emi
No -- Just Patting and Slapping, Like Football Players
Mother: Max, no pinching girls' hineys!
Three-year-old boy: Just boys'?
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
It's a Bloody Miracle
Male student, about an exam: What do we have to know about the external parts of the female reproductive system?
Professor: Everything! Not just for the exam, but for yourself! All of you!
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Marina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Questions | Science | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Weird Is Weird, Gay Is Gay
Guy: No, Derek* is definitely gay.
Girl #1: No, he's not! He has naked pictures of girls all over his walls and MySpace and everything.
Girl #2: So? You know he only has those because he likes to paint chickens on them!
Seattle, Washington
God, I Love You.
Guy: Well, how could you tell I was drunk?
Girl: Because you were actually funny.
Guy: Well, you were actually attractive.
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Super Mike
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Insults | New York | Posted 2008-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And All Those Pills for Breakfast
Guy: I need some food.
Girl: You just had a cigarette!
Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana
Like a Scat Burglar?
Boy: Dad, why do toilets flush?
Dad, irritated: I don't know.
Boy: I think it is so no one can steal the poop.
Bathroom
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Pooper Snooper
