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Especially the One from Little House on the Prairie
Very obnoxious drunk man to long-suffering waitress: Hey, what's your name, anyway?
Waitress (coldly): Melissa.
Drunk man (softly): Awww, my daughter's name is Melissa.
Waitress: Well, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we usually turn out slutty.
Bar
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Comebacks | Creepsters | Customers | Default | Drunks | Family ties | Guys | Insults | Names | Questions | Servers | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Instead, I'll Discuss Your Pain With This Complete Stranger
Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn't have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How's your butt feel? Ha! I haven't even told my friends about that yet!
Richmond, Virginia
It's Hard to Be Sure, but I Think I Won
College girl: And then she got all high and mighty about it. She was like: "Remember when you passed out in my bathroom? I do!" And I was like: "Remember when you were born and looked like a man? I do!"
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Insults | Kids | New York | Sorority types | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You've Taught Him Respect
Hubby: Absolute power corrupts absolutely, dear.
Wifey: It's not absolute.
Hubby: It isn't?
Wifey: No. You're not bowing.
Cashier: Ooh, I like you.
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Overheard by: the girl with the hat
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Couples | Customers | Default | Employees | Hubbies | Wisconsin | Women | Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But We Call Them "American Voters"
American chick #1: Ohmigod! Look at those white cows! I've never seen cows like that before!
American chick #2: Maybe they're albino... Or it could be a special British type of cow.
Guy sitting behind them: ... Those are sheep.
Bus, Southern England
Overheard by: pretends to be Canadian
You're Lucky You Were Able to Kiss All My Anger Away
Guy #1: Dude... that joke went to far.
Guy #2: You know what was going too far, David*? Breaking into my house.
Bolingbrook High School
Bolingbrook, Illinois
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Guys | Illinois | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Was I Awake?
Tipsy girlfriend, playing "Never Have I Ever": Never have I ever done 69 with anyone.
Boyfriend: Ping.
Girlfriend: What?! Who did you 69?!
Boyfriend: You, fool!
Girlfriend: Oh.
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: outfirst
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Games | Girls | Guys | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Jessie Got Us Arrested
[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]
Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We're all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you're 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you're 37 and looking for a boyfriend!
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Age and ageing | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Cops | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Relationships | Sexuality | Sorority types | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Recap: I Rock, You Suck for Money, I Get Laid for Free
Ex-husband: I can't believe you brought a date to our divorce hearing.
Ex-wife: Fuck you! You hooked up with a girl in court.
Ex-husband: I didn't "hook-up" with her, we made plans for lunch today.
Ex-wife: And that's better?
Ex-husband: Actually, it's quite impressive. I rock, you suck, I'm getting laid tonight.
Ex-wife: I got laid last night.
Ex-husband: That's because you are a dirty hooker.
San Diego Family Court
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Sean
Categories: Bragging | California | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Guys | Insults | Pride | Relationships | Sex | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do I Have to Rationalize for Everyone in This Family?
Fat kid: Mom, I wanna go on a diet.
Fat mom: You don't need to go on a diet, you're too young!
Fat kid: You aren't too young.
Fat mom: Shush.
Meat Section at Publix
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Trevor Allen
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Fat people | Florida | Moms | Should have used a condom | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is What Happens When Harry Potter Fans Grow Up
Extremely drunk chick crying: I love him so much and he doesn't even know! He's my soulmate.
Exasperated sober chick: He's fictional!
Armory Square
Syracuse, New York
Is That Why You Keep Flinging Rocks at My Forehead?
Little boy: I don't have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do sweetie...
Little boy: No! I don't have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do...
Little boy: No, you're a giant!
Grocery Store
Colorado
Overheard by: Not a Giant or a Grandma
Categories: Colorado | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Family | Family ties | Fears | Guys | Kids | Kids | Old folks | Sensory experiences | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Doesn't Translate Well
Muslim girl: Ramadan Mubarak!
Girl: What does that mean?
Muslim girl: It means, like, "Yay, it's Ramadan!"
Girl: So, like ... "Yay, I'm not eating or having sex most of the day!"?
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Comebacks | Girls | Holidays | Insults | Language barrier | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | Words | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Knew a Menorah Could Even Be Used That Way?
Casual guy: It's amazing how chummy they are now.
Guy in suit: Chummy? They're like having weird gay-slash-Jewish sex.
Thornton School of Music, USC
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Yapplebee
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Guys | Religion | Sex | Suits | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Demanded by the Quality of Your Recent Essays
Professor: Okay, time to get back to class.
Student: But this conversation is so rewarding.
Professor: Sorry, but some of us have to go out drinking later tonight.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Bringing it back to you | Comebacks | Drinking & drunks | Education | Overheard at UMBC | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, It Has the Word "Vajayjay" on the Cover
Twelve-year-old boy to friend: I didn't know bookstores had porn!
Friend: Dude, that's Cosmo!
Barnes & Noble
Illinois
Categories: Books | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Friends | Guys | Illinois | Pop culture | Porn | Stores | Tweens | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Gerbil Was Menstruating!
Sorority girl: Well, yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that you have a tampon in your butt.
Dickinson College
Carlisle, Pennsylvania
Categories: Ass | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Sexuality | Sorority types | Posted 2008-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do Girls Have Penises? Discuss
[Chick #1 drops purse, condom falls out.]
Chick #2: [Hands it back.] I didn't know you had a penis.
Chick #1: I'm just being prepared.
Chick #2: In case you grow a penis?
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Couldn't You Just Ask for the Air-speed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow?
Bouncer: I don't know... Do you have another piece of ID on you?
Blonde: No, but go ahead, ask me anything!
Bouncer: Why don't your shoes match your skirt?
London, Ontario
Canadia
I Figure Since He Died for Me, I May As Well Give Him Something Nice to Look At
Man: I'm giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you're concerned with your figure?
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Maggie
Categories: Beauty | Christianity | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Food | Guys | Holidays | Jesus | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Instead I Politely Smell Your Crotch
Middle school chick: Sir, are you married?
Substitute teacher: That's a very personal question. That's like if I asked you, "Has it started yet?"
Terman Middle School
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: heerothewizard
Categories: California | Chicks | Comebacks | Education | Etiquette | Gender issues | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Tweens | Posted 2008-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Last Time, Destiny, That's a Penis
Wannabe pickup artist: So, tell me your secrets.
Hot girl: I'm not sure...
Wannabe pickup artist: C'mon.
Hot girl: Okay, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.
Wannabe pickup artist: Fine.
Hot girl: I have a tail.
Albany Park
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Ivan Alfaro
Trust Me --That's My Schtick
Overly optimistic girl: He's kinda sketchy, but in a nice way.
Passing stranger: Not possible!
Concordia University
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Advice | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Girls | Strangers | Words | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In L.A., Teenage Girls Who Don't Look Good Naked Are Put to Death
Teen girl #1, looking at hot teen guy's myspace page: He likes me.
Teen girl #2: No, he doesn't.
Teen girl #1: Yes, he does. He told me I'd look good naked.
Teen girl #2: Well, that's just a fact. It doesn't mean he likes you.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Beauty | Bragging | California | Comebacks | Compliments | Friends | Girls | Pride | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Take a Bite of This Apple
Boy: I believe in waiting until marriage.
Girl: That's funny, cause I believe in you fucking my brains out.
Bryn Mawr College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Bimbettes | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Religion | Religious fanatics | Sex | Students | Wishes | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As I Have Noticed Your Lack of Training Wheels
Drunk girl in bar to bartender: You should be so lucky as to have sex with me.
Bartender: I wouldn't fuck you for practice.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: warm ups?
Ever Seen a Cooch Do Three Snaps in Z-Formation?
Girl: Ryan, if you had a vagina, what would she wear?
Boy: She? What if I had a male vagina?
Boy #2: Oh, he would be so sassy!
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Livi
Portrait of the State Senator As a Young Man
Guy #1: God, that burns! Chlamydia's a bitch! You ever get chlamydia?
Guy #2: Nah, man. I don't fuck sluts.
Guy #1: Well, I do!
College Park, Maryland
I Pay for the Ones That Come in the Mail
Guy #1: So, where do you meet girls?
Guy #2: You mean, at the strip club?
Guy #1: I mean the ones you don't pay for.
Guy #2: At the strip club.
Skillman, New Jersey
Categories: Comebacks | Default | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2008-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Stand Out from Your Husband's Other Wives
Mother: That dress is cheap -- cheap like the cigarette cartoons in my mother's freezer.
Daughter: It's prom. You're supposed to look cheap.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Alphonse Was Sick That Day in Health Class
Middle-aged black man #1: She has a pretty face.
Middle-aged black man #2: I can't fuck a face!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Tad Allagash
Categories: Black people | Comebacks | Compliments | Default | Gripes | Guys | Illinois | Posted 2008-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Between Lute Lessons
Teacher, incredulously: You never read Harold and the Purple Crayon?!
Student: Well, sorry, I was reading Machiavelli.
Shout-out: overheardinhighschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Books | Comebacks | Default | Gripes | Overheard in High School | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gonna Work a Little Child-Support-Reducing Magic
Little boy: Daddy, how are we going to get down?
Father: Parachutes.
Top of Space Needle
Seattle, Washington
You Probably Should Just Finish Up the Bottle
Husband: Can I have one of my pills?
Wife: Didn't you just take two a little bit ago?
Husband: Just the two you told me I took.
Frankenmuth, Michigan
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | Default | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Actually, Can I Just Get a Hot Chocolate?
Customer: I'd like some tea... Organic mint, please.
Barista: Okay, we have organic lemon and organic Earl Grey.
Customer: Um... Actually, I wanted the organic mint.
Barista: Oh, we have that, too.
Customer: Okay, then. That's the one I'll have.
Design Coffee shop, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Baristas | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Customers | Default | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Washington | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That a Lip-Liner and EpiPen in One?
Hottie: Here ya go -- put this in your man-purse for me, please.
Indie boyfriend, indignantly: It's not a man-purse! It's a medical evac bag!
Hottie: Okay. You got any bandages or sterile alcohol in there?
Indie boyfriend: ... No.
Hottie: Yeah, right -- it's a man-purse. [Guy sullenly puts item in bag.]
Target, Saint Matthews
Louisville, Kentucky