Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Topics

Especially When You Use Phrases Like "Nicely Framing Your Package"

Teen boy: You know, I really appreciate you complimenting my baseball skills, but I really don't appreciate you complimenting my boxer choices.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: just trying to get to class...

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'm an Enabler--I Admit It

Teenager #1: My parents would never let me wear that out of the house.
Teenager #2: My dad's a freak. He likes to see me half-naked.

Navy Pier
Chicago, Illinois

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And Lacoste Was So 1998

Homeless woman to preppy kid in pink shirt: Don't mix your reds and your whites!

Boulder, Colorado

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MC Hammer Hasn't Gotten Laid in a Good Long Time

Professor: Clearly, if I am wearing these pants, no one is gonna want to get in them with me!

Economics Class
University of Delaware Newark, Delaware

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What Daphne, Velma and the Gang Were Really Up to in That Van

Kid with lisp: Let's investigate some underwear!

Fairwood, Washington

Overheard by: that won't be in the children's section...

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Enough with the Empire-Waists Already, People

Chick: Do I look pregnant in this dress?
Boyfriend: Nah, I told you. It just looks like something a pregnant person would wear.

Lakeline Mall
Austin, Texas

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Mark Penn Offered Us $2 Million for This Quote

Black girl to another black girl wearing Obama t-shirt: Girl, what is that on your shirt? Mmmm, Obama is looking all fine up on your chest.

UNC
Greensboro, North Carolina

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The Slippery Slope Leading to Marriage and Children

40-something woman on phone: Was that the time when we made cone bras or the time when we shaved our legs with a nail file?

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia

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Sorry, Just Taking My Neuroses for a Walk

Professor: And this means that... [Looks at two students in the second row wearing striped shirts.] I just noticed that you two are matching! Wow! Anyway, this means that... [Sees another student farther back.] You too! [Stands back, eyes class suspiciously.] That's almost too much of a coincidence.

Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia

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You'll Have Plenty of Time for That When You're in Your 20's and Getting Out of Limos

Mother to daughter hopping up and down on escalator: Now Beth*, if you keep doing that your pants are going to get caught in the conveyor belt and they'll be ripped off and all of South Station is going to see your little mermaid underwear. [Girl immediately stops.]

South Station
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Meg

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Humorless Girl Was the Most Depressing Of the X-Men

Victoria's Secret salesgirl to couple: Our bras are 15% off today.
Male: I prefer it when your bras are 100% off.
Victoria's Secret salesgirl: [With a blank look on her face.] That wouldn't make sense. Then they would be free.

Depford Mall
Depford, New Jersey

Overheard by: Philly Joe

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And Their Latter-Day Stains

Woman: Shhhh, people are sleeping. Not everybody wants to hear about Mormon underpants.

Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

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Warthogs! Cabbages! Pokemon!

Professor: So, what are most songs written about?
Student #1: Apple bottom jeans?
Student #2: Boots with the fur?

School of Environmental Studies
Minnesota

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Some Of Ty Pennington's Ideas Are Rejected by the Network

Guy walking by the main library: ... And we could have, like, a Moroccan sex room, with pillows and draperies!
Male friend: Right on!

University of Toronto
Canadia

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It Is Important to Air Things Out

Preppy girl: I love not wearing pants.
[Friends start to laugh.]
Preppy girl: No! I mean have you ever gone to the beach and --you just take off your bottoms and --no! I mean you like take off your swimsuit bottoms--.
[Friends erupt in laughter.]
Preppy girl: I just mean --I just like not wearing pants...

High School
San Diego, California

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I Told You When God Closes a Door, He Opens a Window

Father: So, any luck with finding a jacket?
Teenage daughter: No, but somebody tried to sell me drugs.
Father: Well, that's something.

Victoria Market
Melbourne
Australia

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And Don't Even Get Me Started on This Banana Lamp

[Two 18-year-old girls are browsing a table full of random items for sale at a Christian thrift store at a local church.]
Girl #1: This candle holder would probably feel great inside my pussy.
Girl #2, barely startled: Haha. Yeah.
Girl #1: Ooh, this shirt is nice!

Gothenburg
Sweden

Overheard by: Donny Boots

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How Can You Be Anal Enough to Label Your Speedos but Still Lose Them?

Voice over loudspeaker: Attention members. Will Arthur Sarksian come to the front desk? We found your Speedos.

24 Hour Fitness
Glendale, California

Overheard by: James Jameson

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Why Does "Mountainous Region" Sound Dirty to Us?

Older man walking: I know we live in a mountainous region, but if we lived in a really mountainous region I'd wear pants.

University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts

Overheard by: I'd wear pants too...

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I Blame the Lasciviousness of Contemporary Mores

Middle school student: It's not my fault he got hit with the G-string...

Toms River
New Jersey

Overheard by: the sub

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Our Love Is A Battlefield

Casanova: This is a replica of the helmet I wear when I fuck my wife.

Cincinnati, Ohio

Overheard by: shadow

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I Feel the Magma Flowing Beneath Their Placid Surface

Mother to daughter, regarding t-shirts: We need to get you a big one 'cause your boobs are growing way too fast.
Flat-chested daughter: Yeah, I know.

Hollywood Tower of Terror Shop
Disneyland, California

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Sometimes She Feels Like Wearing It. Sometimes She Doesn't

Big sister: Look sis! This coat says it was made in Macedonia.
Little sister: Isn't that a nut?

Macy's at Roosevelt Field
Long Island, New York

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Only That One Time, When We Were Stuck in Traffic

Small boy: It's fire!
His mother: That is your umbrella. It is not a sword or weapon of any kind.
Small boy: It's underpants!

Trolley
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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She Keeps a Cyanide One in Her Desk for Emergencies

Student: What are you eating?
Teacher: My bracelet... it's made of anti-depressants.

Tucson, Arizona

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I'm Just a Toxic Spill Waiting to Happen

Goth girl, to friend looking at military jackets: You can get those a lot cheaper at goodwill, dude.
Overweight friend: Not in my size! When fat people die, they leak, and then their clothes can't be given to goodwill!

Starfest Sci-Fi Convention
Denver, Colorado

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Ever Seen a Cat Goose-Step?

Teen girl: I put my new bra on my cat's head and he looked like a German soldier.

New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

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It's Difficult Not to Violate One's Parole in Pennsylvania

Guy on train: It's a stone edifice! You can't wear a t-shirt in a stone edifice!

Train
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Spazzy

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Dude, I Have Totally Seen This Porno!

Teen girl wearing a warm jacket: Hey, Kim.
Kim: [Wearing pretty much nothing.] Oooh, you look warm! Can I put my hand inside you?

Los Angeles, California

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I Knew I Should've Let the Doctor Keep You a Girl

Mother to ten-year-old son at supermarket check-out queue: And then we'll go and look for a dress for me.
Ten-year-old son: I'm not going clothes shopping with you. You go in every shop, you try everything on, you never like anything and come home with nothing and I'm not standing around waiting!
[All male members of the queue cheer.]

Luton
England

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People See Me, but They Don't See Me, If You Follow Me

Man in cow suit: I know lots of people here too. That's why I am keeping a low profile. Well, as much as a man in a cow suit can.

Putney Walkabout
London
England

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As Soon As We Get On, I'm Grabbing a Pole and Ripping Them Off

Chick: Well, my mom wouldn't let me on the train until I wore pants, so there ya go.

Southmoor station
Aurora, Colorado

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Toni Morrison Doesn't Let Anybody Touch the Books at Her Readings

Man walking down the street: All I did was stick my hand in her jacket and the show was over!

Madison and Canal
Chicago, Illinois

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If Rappers Had Existed in the 16th Century

Philosophy professor: A crisp cravat always gets me hot.

Wesleyan University
Bloomington, Illinois

Overheard by: ..Really?

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Suck His Toes and You'll Be High for Days

Large black woman on cell: Girl! I'm tellin' you, I don't know where I gots them warts on my feets. But they nasty! I don't want to give them to nobody else, so I brought me some lil' socks, you know... Them cushy foots? Not like Earl, who goes barefoot all over the city with them mushroom funguses on his toes. His toenails be like baby powder! They all crumbly and shit.

Detroit Metro Airport
Detroit, Michigan

Overheard by: Trying not to barf (and glad I wore socks)

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Eventually We Worked Out a Timeshare Situation

Girl: So this girl was like: "I want half your pants!"

Hazelwood West High School
Florissant, Missouri

Overheard by: Melissa

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Not Unless There's a Rocket in There

Teacher: Come, take a journey with me into *David's pockets.

MDN High School
Tempe, Arizona

Overheard by: Jamie

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And That's Not Even Including the Millions of Unborn Babies

Girl to friend: I swear to god, if there is semen on my shirt, I will kill everyone.

College Park, Maryland

Overheard by: Tom and Laura

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Ironically, the Skirt Has a Silver Lining

Girl in uniform: So when I went to pick up my uniform there were no skirts. So my mom was like "My daughter needs bottoms."
Friend: That sucks!
Girl in uniform: Yeah, the skirt I'm wearing now belongs to this girl who was deported to Trinidad.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Myr

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