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Portrait Of the Attention Whore As a Young Man
Little boy, dressed as a firefighter, looking at picture of a raccoon: That's a raccoon! I shoot raccoons! With a gun! Look at my boots!
Wheaton, Illinois
Overheard by: Emlyn
The Itchy & Scratchy Episode That Was Too Raw for The Simpsons
Young woman to small boy, loudly: Get your hands outta your pants, dude! (moments later) I said, scratch it through them!
Bus Stop
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: across the street
The Wine Will Reveal Her True Self.
Father to young daughter in department store: I'm just going to get her a bottle of wine since I don't know what a coverup is.
Falls Church, Virginia
Categories: Clothes | Dads | Drinking & drunks | Gifts | Virginia | Posted 2011-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why She Shops at The Gap.
Chickie #1: You have a hole in your jeans.
Chickie #2: I love my hole!
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: The Old Man
Here, Try This Adorable Thong.
Mother to child in the girl's clothing aisle: No, you're not wearing a padded bra; you're six!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: me
Categories: Age and ageing | Clothes | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2011-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Law Says I Can't Do That in a Skirt
Teen to mother: Why are you wearing pants?
Mother: Because I gotta get rid of the chilly.
Harrison, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
Gay Marriage Should Be Legalized Just for the Ceremonies
20-something hot girl to friend: He tore off all his clothes, threw him on his back on the bar, then covered his nipples in whipped cream.
Denver, Colorado
My Dad Always Dreamed I'd Say That to a Lady
Gay dressing room associate: Did you find everything alright today?
Attractive female shopper: Everything except a pair of pants.
Gay dressing room associate: We'll just have to find you a pair, then.
Attractive female shopper: No, that's alright. The pants here never fit me correctly.
Gay dressing room associate: Well, I'll see if I can't fit you in my pants.
Attractive female shopper: Wait... What?
Banana Republic
Marin, California
Is It Wrong That We're Most Disturbed by the Misuse Of "Ironic"?
Drunk girl to stranger: You're dressed as Juno for Halloween? Oh my god, that's so ironic! I'm pregnant for real!
East Lansing, Michigan
I Was Like, "You're Skirting the Issue Again, Mom."
Boy: So I said, "No, I'm not gonna do that! I wanna go to science camp!" (unintelligible) So, then she threw down her skirt and ran away.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Clothes | Gossip | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Science | Posted 2011-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wasn't This an Alanis Morissette Song?
Man walking down the street: I ordered a dress online and got a raincoat.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: Clothes | Guys | Internet | Pennsylvania | Shopping | Posted 2011-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why People Hate Tequila in the Morning, Encapsulated.
Drunk girl: Look! I have salt stains all over my pants. I'm a car.
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
The Bon Jovi Song That Everyone Forgets
Guy, about girl crying at the bar: You can't cry and wear leather!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Clothes | Feelings | Guys | New Jersey | Philosophy | Posted 2011-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And They'll Be All, "Whooee, One Of Them Fancy Women!"
Woman: I'll be at the bar tonight and I'll be all, "hey guys, I bought this shirt at Kohl's for five bucks! And I'm single! And you won't have to call me ever because I'm from Virginia!"
Raleigh, North Carolina
To the Muffmobile, Robin!
Girl on bike #1, over her shoulder: Crotchless panties!
Girl on bike #2: Crotchless panties?
Girl on bike #1: Crotchless panties!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Felicity Thistle
Laziest. Robbers. Ever.
Student: No, we're not wearing clown masks. I don't want to have to make the effort.
Sixth Form College
England
Overheard by: Becca
Why Horror Porn Exists.
Nerdy girl to three friends: Of course you run the risk of showing your underpants, but in the face of zombies, I wouldn't mind so much.
University of King's College
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Weirdness | Zombies | Posted 2011-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Finishing a Woman's Sentences Is Risky Business, Gentlemen
Woman wearing puffy coat: Wearing a puffy coat makes me feel like ...
Man also wearing a puffy coat: It makes me feel like dancing.
Woman: ...punching people.
Quebec City
Canadia
Gee Thanks, Captain Buzzkill
Part-time firefighter: So the next time you feel chest pains, it may not be a good idea to tell 911 that you took meth earlier. And the next time you're in a car crash, keep your pants on.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: he has the most interesting stories...
Michael Kors Drunk on Vacation Is Pretty Much What You'd Expect.
Man in the street, yelling: I need more pockets! Cargo pants!
Miami, Florida
America: Encapsulated.
Plus-size girl looking at maternity shirt: Oh, this is cute! (pause) It will hide my fat rolls!
JC Penney
Wichita, Kansas
Categories: Beauty | Body parts | Clothes | Fat people | Girls | Kansas | Shopping | Posted 2010-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Just Check It Out on Your Sex Blog
Little girl: What color is your bed?
Patient babysitter: Blue.
Little girl: What color is your bathroom?
Patient babysitter: Red.
Little girl: What color is your underwear?
Patient babysitter: Sweetie, I'm not telling you that!
Little girl: That's okay, I'll see it when you bend over.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Babysitters | Clothes | Education | Kids | Questions | Washington | Posted 2010-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Pepper Spray Exists.
Man to bundled up girl who sat down ten minutes before: Whoa, whoa, whoa! You're a lady? I mean, when you sat down, I totally thought you were a man. I can see you're a lady now, but I could've sworn...
Girl: Uhmmm... Yeah, thanks.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Clothes | Gender issues | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Blame Myself for Buying You the Little Pin-striped Suit and Supersoaker
Female: What are you gonna be for Halloween?
Child: Al Capone.
Female: But you're Al Capone every day.
Memphis, Tennessee
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Glad the condom broke | Holidays | Tennessee | Posted 2010-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Winners Of the Sluttiest at McGill Contest
Physics major #1: Well, I lost my credit and debit cards, so I had to call and cancel them.
Physics major #2: Oh yeah, those girls who took off your pants, right?
McGill University
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Clothing | Relationships | Students | Posted 2010-11-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Wonder Girls Dream About This Their Whole Lives!
Man, indicating the used wedding dress he's wearing: This was the best $35 I've ever spent. I mean, I could have spent it on Jägermeister!
Old Railroad Square
Santa Rosa, California
Categories: Bragging | California | Clothes | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Posted 2010-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And You're Wearing It Now!
College girl #1: I have never taken my shirt off!
College girl #2: Wait, didn't you wear a see-through one before?
College girl #1: That was you, you whore!
UC Santa Cruz
California
Overheard by: Eric
Another Conflict in Which the Swiss Happily Remain Neutral
Overweight redhead Southern lady #1, looking through Switzerland t-shirts: Y'all, Ginger... I think this size is a li'l too small...
Overweight redhead Southern lady #2: Naw, I think that looks 'bout right.
Random lady: I thought we went on vacation to get away from the Southerners, not go find some more...
Lucerne
Switzerland
Overheard by: marisawin
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Europe | Fat people | Strangers | Tourists | Posted 2010-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do I Always Gotta Be the Burrito Holder?
Dude: Hold this burrito, I gotta take my clothes off.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Clothes | Food | Guys | Illinois | Offers and requests | Posted 2010-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Always Show Me Up, Peggy
Whiny-voiced 20-something: My period showed up two days early and ruined my weekend plans with that guy I was seeing.
20-something with baby: My period showed up two weeks late, stuck me with this, and ruined my life. Pass me one of those shirts in a medium?
Springfield, Illinois
Overheard by: Katie F
And What If It Took Pictures?
Gay Australian cowboy: I just didn't want his cat seeing me naked.
Calgary
Canadia
You Have Mel Gibson Pegged.
Suit: I assume he's sitting in his backyard in a loincloth right now.
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Massachusetts | Suits | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Straight Guys See Women's Clothes Solely in Terms Of What They Cover
Annoyed wife trying on unattractive skirt: So what do you think?
Husband, with baby: It looks nice.
Annoyed wife, returning to dressing room: What do you know?
Husband to baby: Son, you have no chance.
Old Navy
South Carolina
Overheard by: Kempii
The Girls Totally Planned This
High school girl in hot tub #1: Ugh, my bikini won't stop falling down!
High school girl in hot tub #2: You do look a little... undersupported. Do you wanna trade tops?
High school girl in hot tub #1: Really?
High school girl in hot tub #2: Yeah, it's not like I need the support.
High school girl in hot tub #1: True.
(high school boys in hot tub stare intently)
Westchester, New York
Overheard by: Jenny Suburbs
And Test the Theory Of Post-Menopausal Invisibility
Woman to friend: I'd really like to take off my dress.
Shopping Area
Kansas City, Missouri
You Never Know When Mr. Right Will Fall Into Your Vagina
Hoochie #1: That's why I don't wear panties with tight skirts; I need maximum mass, maximum jiggle.
Hoochie #2: That's also why you always flashin' your business, looking like a ho.
Hoochie #1: So? What you doing up in that club--gettin' drunk? (laughs)
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Mistopher
Categories: California | Clothes | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Hoochies | Posted 2010-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In the Immortal Words Of Jack Kerouac
Old lady: I have a roof over me and clothes on my back, but I can't wash my box...
Lowell, Massachusetts
Overheard by: glad I wasn't sitting next to her
Categories: Cleanliness | Clothes | Massachusetts | Old folks | Vagina | Posted 2010-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nature: 3 Nurture: 0
Five-year-old boy, watching news about Priscilla Queen of the Desert on tv: Those ladies look very strange.
Dad: They're actually men dressed as ladies, Edward.
Five-year-old boy: I'm going to dress like that when I'm a man!
London
England
Overheard by: Murray
You Don't Know Degradation 'til You Go Into Retail
Scruffy hipster dude on cell: I'm tired of selling sex. I just want to sell jeans... Or something along those lines.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Clothes | Hipsters | On the phone | Sex | Washington | Wishes | Posted 2010-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did I Not Put My Tit in Your Coffee This Very Morning?
Older man: Let's go to that bikini coffee shop!
Younger woman: What? What?
Older man: It's a coffee shop where women with self esteem issues wear bikinis and serve... coffee. What's not to get?
Younger woman: Fuck you.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Clothes | Food | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Washington | Women | Posted 2010-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Tale As Old As Time...
Father to teen daughter: We've got the rubber suits, but we're out of talcum powder!
Concord, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Emma W.
Categories: Cleanliness | Clothes | Dads | Massachusetts | Teens | Posted 2010-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Prevented You?
Girl on phone: I got two pairs of pants, a shirt, and I almost bought a beaver.
Boone, North Carolina
Categories: Animals | Clothes | Girls | North Carolina | On the phone | Shopping | Posted 2010-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sounds Almost As Cool As Our Job.
Woman on cell: I'm coming to LA to make 100 Egyptian army uniforms, then I'm going back.
International Airport
El Paso, Texas
Overheard by: V
Categories: Airports & flights | Clothes | Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Texas | US Geography | Women | Posted 2010-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Most Girls Welcome the Tranny Seal Of Approval
Strange transvestite: Ohmigod, you are sooo pretty.
Girl: Umm... Thanks?
Transvestite's friend: Oh, yes she is.
(they walk away)
Girl: I'm never wearing this shirt again.
Houston, Texas
Categories: Beauty | Clothes | Compliments | Girls | Texas | Posted 2010-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"...From Outer Space"
Woman #1: Oh, did I tell you? I had a dream last night about Ray. He told me that he was okay where he was.
Woman #2: You know what that means, right? It means he's gone up to heaven.
Woman #3: Or... It could simply mean that you dreamed about Ray.
Woman #2: You have to have some faith in dreams. Remember that bible story: Jacob and the technicolor bathrobe.
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Wondering if they took many baths back in those days to reqire bathrobes
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Christianity | Clothes | Death & dying | New York | Women | Posted 2010-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Monkey's Paw Is Especially Disturbing
Girl #1: It's just such a gross look, y'know? And she totally didn't have the body for it either. Total crotch octopus.
Girl #2: Crotch octopus?
Girl #1: Yeah, you know. When the fabric clings... and shows all your goodies?
Girl #2: Do you mean camel toe?
Girl #1: Yes! Right! Camel toe! I knew it had something to do with animals and appendages!
Bryn Mawr College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Vagina | Posted 2010-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What All Guys Hope and All Girls Fear
Teen to friend: My pants are tight in the crotch, I think I am getting bigger in that region.
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: el.
Let's Just Hope the Casting Agents at Lifetime Agree!
Guy wearing shirt reading "Dude. Seriously. Fuck you": Some say I have a face for date rape.
State Fair
California
Overheard by: Sonni
I'm Saving Those for the Yearbook
Ambiguous boy, yelling to friend across hall: And no pictures of me without pants!
High School
Nashville, Tennessee
And I'm Sure He Was Using That Rope As a Clothesline
Psychologist #1: He said he was going to do his laundry, which is a really good sign.
Psychologist #2: Yeah, you can't want to commit suicide and want clean clothes.
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Cleanliness | Clothes | Coworkers | Death & dying | Feelings | Mental illnesses | New York | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Skinny Jeans Don't Count, Roger.
Guy: Well, it all started during the week that I was cross-dressing...
Leeds
England
Overheard by: Paul
The Demographic Oprah Couldn't Reach
Delivery guy to guy wearing "Deadheads for Obama" t-shirt: So the Dead are for Obama?
Man: Uh-huh.
Delivery guy: Then so am I.
Burbank, California
Overheard by: Urzzz
Categories: California | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Employees | Music | Politics | Questions | Strangers | Posted 2010-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everthing I Hated About High School Is Suddenly Flooding Back to Me...
Eccentric driver's ed student: Sometimes I really just like to sniff my pants. (leans forward and sniffs his pants)
Northport, New York
Overheard by: Jessica
Categories: Bus drivers | Clothes | Creepsters | New York | Sensory experiences | Undies | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Hoping for a Muppet Baby
Middle aged female client: You aren't going to find out the sex? How are you going to know what color to paint the nursery or what kind of baby clothes to get?
Pregnant 30-something hair stylist: Oh, please, like it matters what colors I choose. People aren't going to be wondering if it's a girl or a boy, anyway; they're going to wonder if it's an animal or a baby.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: jenc17
My Childhood Dream Is Finally Coming True!
Girl to friend: Like, oh my god! I just got mistaken for a sales clerk at freakin' Levi's!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: seastardodell
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Washington | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How About "Bacterial Infections Are for Pussies"?
College girl #1: You know how that rumor got started? Because you denied him. It happened to my mom in high school.
College girl #2: "Just because I didn't sleep with you doesn't mean I have chlamydia!" I so need a shirt that says that.
London
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Education | Family ties | Gripes | STDs | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2009-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet the Inventor Of Capri Pants
Girl in party: And then I said, "stop the car! I need to ask that midget where he got his pants!"
Connecticut
Yet Another Reason to Love L.A.
Girl #1: Do you wear thongs when you are on your period?
Girl #2: Of course! I need to air it out.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: rose
Categories: California | Clothes | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Undies | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Mormon Missionaries Were Only Too Happy to Obey
Female college student: Why are you wearing underwear? I don't wear underwear. I'm a dancer. You are not a dancer. What are you even doing here? You're not a real dancer. You're an elf. And you're going to wear panties like an elf.
Chicago, Illinois
I Like to Tape Pictures to It
Customer #1: Can you tell me about these TVs? Oh, sorry, I thought you worked here. You are dressed just like them.
Customer #2: That's okay. I don't know much about TVs.
Customer #1: What's to know? You plug it in and connect the cable, right? You probably know as much as them. Now these TVs, if they are digital, which they say they are... do I need a cable box for these or do I just put the setting on cable?
Customer #2: I don't know. I don't have a digital TV.
Customer #1: I don't have a TV either. I'm homeless. I have a radio.
Best Buy
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Scomart
Categories: Clothes | Customers | Maryland | Offers and requests | Shopping | Technology | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Hides It under All the Ruffles
Woman, pointing to dress: That's nice and flowy. Not for me, but totally something Christine would wear.
Friend, indifferent: Oh yeah, Christine.
Woman: She throws up her food, though.
Friend, trailing off: Oh yeah, that's right.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: alexis
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Food | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Women | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Forever 21 Started Manufacturing Habits...
70-something nun to another: I don't care about the bra straps. It's my boobs that really stand out in this shirt.
Holyoke, Massachusetts
Overheard by: ldiggitydawg
Categories: Christianity | Clothes | Massachusetts | Nuns | Old folks | Rack | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Nightmare I Thought Had Ended in the Mid-90's
Mother: Hey, you could get a job at Build-A-Bear.
Exasperated daughter: No I couldn't, they have to wear khaki pants and denim shirts.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: what?s wrong with that?
Categories: Clothes | Family | Jobs & Careers | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's with All the Waking Up Naked?
Guy: I took some ibuprofen, and then when I woke up in the morning all my clothes were off. Luckily, my headache was gone.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Clothes | Guys | Headaches | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Washington | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Its Subtitle: "I Was Too Drunk to Prepare a Lesson for Today"
Professor, pulling blue scarf out of pocket for magic trick: Now that... that is what I like to call... a blue scarf.
Villanova University
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Education | Magic | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Yeast Infections Exist: A Short Story.
Girl #1: Do you think I could wash my clothes with fabric softener? I don't have any detergent.
Girl #2: That should probably work.
(30 minutes later)
Girl #2: So, did it work?
Girl #1: Yeah... I think... they don't smell anymore, at least. Good enough, right?
Laundry Room, University of Alabama
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: I don't think it is
Categories: Advice | Alabama | Cleanliness | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You Have "Dick" in Your Name, You Have to Expect That.
Professor: When I was learning about Emily Dickinson in high school, I wasn't really paying attention. I was just wondering what she looked like without her clothes on.
Missouri
One Word About V-Neck Tees and I Will Slit Your Throat
Girl #1: Hey, let's go to The Gap, they have short pants there.
Girl #2, pissed off: Shut the fuck up! I hate you.
Mall
Northern New Jersey
'Cause I'd Love to Have Promotional Footage for My Website
Girl #1: They're checking out your ass. Up you skirt.
Girl #2: Whatevs. (pause) Wait, do they have cameras?
Hotle Bar
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: arrc
Categories: Ass | Bars & Clubs | Clothes | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ah Yes, Spanish-- The Language Of Pretention.
Worker #1: So he told me to put my zapatos on!
Worker #2: Zapatos? What the fuck is that?
Worker #1: Apparently it's Spanish for "shoes." I mean, how pretentious!
Worker #3: What is it with Americans? Like 99% of Americans speak Spanish. It's not like they're anywhere near Spain!
Worker #2: Hang on, why weren't you wearing any shoes?
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Not-American
Hey, My Vulva Gets Excellent Mileage!
Girl: What are you?
White pants: Jay Gatsby, old sport.
Girl: You know you're not supposed to wear white after Labor Day.
White pants: I can make out the bulk of your vulva at the moment, I believe it would be behoove me to consult someone else with regards to taste.
Halloween Party
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Dr Doctor
All Those Slip-and-Fall Accidents Are Smitings
Religion teacher to class of girls: And remember girls, always wear a bikini in the shower, because god is always watching you.
Dublin
Ireland
So Many Girls Are Fascists, but Don't Know It
Girl #1: My dream is to have a harem of guys that I can make dress up like the pale man from Pan's Labyrinth.
Girl #2: Why the hell would you do that?
Girl #1: Because it would be awesome and scary. I just want to see a bunch of people running away from me and my harem.
Mount Holyoke College
South Hadley, Massachusetts
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Fears | Girls | Massachusetts | Movies | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Am So Not Interested in Your Personal Hygiene
Teenage girl: I want to stop keeping it in my pants.
Effeminate teenage guy: No! Keep the stuff in your pants... in your pants!
Teenage girl: Yeah, it needs washing anyways.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Cleanliness | Clothes | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Leave Ethan Hawke Alone.
Guy to another: Why's he bother to wash his clothes, anyway, if he smells that bad and doesn't bother to bathe?
Laundromat
Catskill, New York
Overheard by: Amie
Categories: Bathing | Cleanliness | Clothes | Gossip | Guys | New York | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's All Fun and Games 'til Somebody Pokes a Baby Out
Loud eighth grader: Michael's such a douche, all he wants to do is get in my pants.
Even louder teacher: You're in eighth grade, you shouldn't be letting anybody in your pants!
Potomac, Maryland
Overheard by: Math is my new favorite subject...
You Were Conceived Right Here in Aisle Four
Father to three-year-old daughter, after she took her shirt off: Just like your mother.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: is that how you met her?
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Dads | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Kardashian Is Which? Show Your Work.
Girl #1: Oh my god! Look at the little toddler snowsuits!
Girl #2: Will one of you please get knocked up?
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Girls | Kids | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Pregnancy | Posted 2009-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're That Guy Every Day.
Girlfriend: I'm gonna get a black wig and a skirt, and I'm putting body-glitter on you and doing your hair like you're in 90210 and you're going as Edward. It'll be like ironic.
Boyfriend: I'm gonna put some mayonnaise on my pants and go as that "jizzed in my pants" guy.
Girlfriend: No, you're not.
Gainesville, Florida
Your Editors Are Also Totally Gay for Fuzzy Unicorn Shirts
Teen girl #1: Are you doing it with her, too?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, I'm totally gay for Meg* and her fuzzy unicorn shirt.
Teen girl #3, laughing and choking: I'm not suppose to die choking! I'm the only one who knows CPR!
Harrison, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Death & dying | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Questions | Sex | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Here Comes Another One
Teen girl: This skirt is so short! My legs are freezing!
Teen boy: Mine are fine.
Teen girl: That's because of your intense orgasms.
Teen boy: True.
Starbucks
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Clothes | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Orgasm | Teens | Vermont | Posted 2009-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Plastic Knives Tend to Hurt
Girl, crying or laughing: I just can't believe you love me; I have shown up on your doorstep so fucking wasted.
Guy: Baby, you found a plastic fork in your panties! It's okay! Anyway, it was not one of your better nights.
Girl: Actually, it was one of my better nights.
Mission District
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Judylicious
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Girls | Guys | San Francisco | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So No One Will Even See Your Hooker Shoes
Mother to sixteen year-old in booty shorts and Uggs: You can be a geisha girl! It goes all the way down to the floor!
Halloween Store
New Jersey
That's No Euphemism, Dear Reader
Girl on cell: I would've loved to have gone to that socks summit. It sounds amazing!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Me, too?
Categories: Clothes | Girls | Massachusetts | On the phone | Undies | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Anyone Wanna Teabag?
Dude, after receiving dickhead hat on 50th birthday: Hey, look! My double chin looks like a pair of balls in a nutsack!
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Tiger Fan
Categories: Age and ageing | Balls | Body parts | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Guys | Missouri | Penis | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As This 45-Minute Presentation Will Demonstrate.
Physicist: Elise has a quantum ass. It's either big or real big. Depending on what pants she wears.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: change
Which Has Made Her Extremely Popular
Middle aged woman, casually to friend: And she hasn't worn pants to school since 7th grade.
Woodinville, Washington
Overheard by: The employee washing the window behind them
Though I Notice You Are Cultivating Quite an Impressive Beer-Gut
College girl #1, walking past maternity section: That's a cute dress.
College girl #2: Yeah, I don't have the boobs to wear it.
College girl #1: Oh, that's a cute one too!
College girl #2: You don't have the fetus to fill out that dress.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: m.
Especially When You're Black.
Manager: Pants off is the new black.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: fool
Categories: Bosses | Clothes | Clothing | Overheard in PDX | Race | Posted 2009-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Note to Self: Don't Try to Bond with Teenagers.
Teacher to girl: I like your shirt!
Girl: Oh, yeah, but it's from a show, so I'm not, like, just wearing a shirt... randomly or whatever.
Boulder, Colorado
Long Island Has Feminists?
Overbearing mother: Let her see you in the bra! She will make sure it fits correctly!
13-year-old girl, buying first bra: Mother, I'm not for sale!
Victoria's Secret
Long Island, New York
Why Undocumented Immigrant Surrogates Exist
Sloppily-dressed teen girl to another: Do you know how many new outfits I would have to buy to carry a baby around for nine months?
Sam Houston State University
Huntsville, Texas
And a Fun and Flirty One
Girl, returning from holidays in America: So yeah, I got put in actual jail.
Friend: For drinking on the beach?
Girl: Yup, got the orange jumpsuit and all.
Friend: Did you get to keep it?
Girl: I didn't like to ask, to be honest. Would've been a savage souvenir, though.
UCC Campus
Ireland
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Girls | Holidays | Ireland | Questions | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Earlier Today?
Teenage boy: Hey, James, don't you remember when you stuck Smarties down your shirt and rubbed them on your nipples?
On the Bus
Canadia
Overheard by: Kels
There Are Muslims in Utah?
Boy: Why do you wear that on your head?
Muslim girl, indifferently: So the aliens don't read my brain.
High School
Utah
Overheard by: I need one of those!
Categories: Body parts | Clothes | Girls | Guys | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Utah | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doesn't Mean I Don't Love You, Dad.
Young college woman on cell: No! No, you may not wear my underwear!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: silver spring
Categories: Clothes | Eavesdrop DC | Offers and requests | On the phone | Students | Undies | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet the Inventor Of Coaster Pasties
Drunk teacher: Those aren't coasters, they're pasties. (holds them up to her breasts)
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Heather
Categories: California | Clothes | Clothing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Rack | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks, President Obama!
White hipster to others: I've noticed the black kids in Harlem are starting to wear skinny jeans and skateboard. It's great... 'cause it's, like, cool to be smart again.
Massachussetts
Like, One Containing a Central Venous Line
Middle-aged rich bitch on cell: I'll pay up to $300 for a hat I can't live without, you know?
Washington, DC
Categories: Biotechs | Clothes | Clothing | Money | On the phone | Shopping | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Without Being Swarmed by Seminarians
Australian tourist: God, it's so hot in here. I can't wait to get out of here and take these pants off.
Church security guard, overhearing: Yes... that is very difficult to do in a church.
Vatican City
Overheard by: LeBron
That's for Him to Decide
New dad: Look! These clothes are cute. Oh, look at this dress!
New mum: You have a boy, not a girl!
Department Store
Melbourne
Australia
We Can Think Of Better.
Girl #1 to friends: Anybody can be a cell phone.
Girl #2: That's a good t-shirt.
Hampton, Virginia
Overheard by: S. H.
Um, That's a Water Bottle.
50-something female suit: That's a dog? I thought it was a kid in a weird hat!
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: really?
Sometimes I Like to Playfully Snap My Own Strap!
Girl browsing underwear section: I love this bra--you'd wear it just to play with yourself, you know?
Wiltshire
England
Overheard by: J
I Thought the Baby Was Just a Really Small Twink
Guy: Are they gay?
Friend: Yes, they're holding hands and wearing the same clothing.
(15 seconds later)
Guy: Are they gay?
Girl: That's a family.
Hillcrest, California
Categories: California | Clothes | Clothing | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Guys | Questions | Sexuality | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Puerto Ricans: "We've Never Seen This Girl Before in Our Lives."
Dude: Buenos Aires, eh?
Bimbette wearing Buenos Aires t-shirt: I gotta represent for my Puerto Ricans!
Summit Park Clubhouse
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: rock.star.
Why There Are So Many Homicides in Maryland
Guy: You know what I'm going to do? I'm bringing back the safari hat. Tomorrow I'm wearing a safari hat to work.
Girl: That's so Baltimore!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: the hill
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Eavesdrop DC | Girls | Guys | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ten Bucks Says He's a Collective Hallucination
Hot burner chick: Our bar was busy until the fat naked guy showed up and scared everyone off!
Fat naked guy: I'm wearing Uggs!
Burning Man
Nevada
Overheard by: Eavesdropper
Categories: Chicks | Clothes | Creepsters | Diet & weight | Fat people | Fears | Guys | Nevada | Shoes | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Detect a Veiled Insult
Guy #1, during pride festival: Why do I have to carry all the condoms!?
Guy #2: Because you have the biggest pockets!
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Condoms | Guys | Questions | Washington | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Wonder I Keep Passing Out!
Girl in bathroom stall #1: I have really exciting news!
Girl in bathroom stall #2: You just saved a bunch of money on your car insurance?
Girl in bathroom stall #1: No. When I bought these pants they fit, and now they are too big! I've been trying to lose some weight.
Girl in bathroom stall #2: That's great! What size are they?
Girl in bathroom stall #1: Ummm... 25s.
Girl in bathroom stall #2: That's like a size zero. Why are you trying to lose weight?
Girl in bathroom stall #1: Oh, is that too small or something?
Restaurant Bathroom
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Anorexics | Clothes | Clothing | Diet & weight | Girls | Massachusetts | Money | Questions | Restroom | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Don't Want to Go on a Flight Without Warm Nuts
Man, taking seat in airport lounge: Wow, this is the first time I've worn pants since...
Woman with him: Since the last time we flew. Feels weird, doesn't it?
Airport Lounge
North Carolina
Categories: Airports & flights | Clothes | Clothing | Guys | North Carolina | Questions | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least They Own the Stereotype
Frat guy #1: So my mom bought me two new polos. One is blue with pink, and the other is orange and green. But I already have one that's orange and green.
Frat guy #2: Dude, I'll take it.
Frat guy #1: Nah, I think I'm gonna trade it to Duke for some pot.
Virginia Tech
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Frat boy types | Gifts | Parenting | Virginia | Posted 2009-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once You Go Cowboy, You Get a Whole New Posse
Preteen girl #1, trying on cowboy hat: If I was a cowboy, would you be my friend?
Preteen girl #2: No.
Newburyport, Massachusetts
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Massachusetts | Questions | Relationships | Tweens | Posted 2009-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next Step: Getting Rid Of This Mullet
Woman #1, watching hobo in a dress: You know, I finally feel like I'm a metropolitan woman.
Woman #2: Why? Gotten used to the traffic, crowds, pollution and public transportation?
Woman #1: Well, yeah, but that's not why. See that guy in that dress over there? When I first came to the city, I would have been amused or shocked to see something like that. Now, my first reaction is: "Those shoes and socks don't go with that dress--and Macy's isn't that far away. Dude, go get some pumps!" I mean, how often do you think I would have thought to say "dude, go get some pumps" when I was still living in Ohio? I'm living the dream!
Financial District
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: And the jacket didn't match either
I Just Did His Horoscope
Conductor: Do not buy anything from the man in the yellow shirt and white tennis shoes. He will be arrested.
Subway
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Advice | California | Clothes | Clothing | Conductors | Crimes | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What I Got You Last Year
Drunk male friend: What do you want for your birthday, baby? I can make it happen, just tell me what you want!
Really, really drunk birthday girl, pointing at someone else: I want in that guy's pants!
Norfolk, Virginia
...So I Went Shopping for You
Guy to girl: I know about women. I lived with fifteen women. I know when you're going to get your period, and I can tell your bra size just by looking.
Kenosha, Wisconsin
And a Tranquilizer Rifle
Guy on cell: Don't expect it to be as great as the last time we were in Malibu, though. Unless you bring your funny hat.
The Coffee Bean
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Clothes | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Guys | On the phone | Posted 2009-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Worst. Job Interview. Ever.
Woman #1: Are you wearing sexy underwear?
Woman #2: No, just cotton.
Arts and Crafts Show
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Karlene Kuhn
It Needs Watering, If You Follow Me
Woman on phone: As long as she can wear it without showing her lady garden, then that's fine by me.
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | New Zealand | On the phone | Vagina | Women | Posted 2009-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Don't Tell Me to Burn Things! I Swear!
Customer: Hi, I'd like to return these pants.
Store manager: Can I ask why?
Customer: The pants talk.
Store manager: (...)
Customer, frantically: I mean, they pop! They pop!
Burnsville, Minnesota
Overheard by: I had to return a pair of talking pants once too
I Mean, What Good Is a Briefcase Without Briefs?
Old dude to another, reminiscing: You still got that briefcase with all that underwear in it?
Kansas City, Missouri
Meeting Kevin Sorbo Is Always an Experience
Guy to friend: So he asked "How's the leather work going?" So we went out and got some skins and string and made some loincloths.
Pierce County Annex
Tacoma, Washington
Being a Bank Teller Rocks!
Guy to woman sitting down: The really great thing is that you'll never have to wear pants again!
Portland, Oregon
Presenting, the Deepest Person at Banana Republic.
Aspiring fashionista: What if I die today and regret that I never dressed up all the time? But if I worked at Banana Republic, I'd be forced to dress up.
BART Train
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Categories: California | Clothes | Death & dying | Fashion | Idiots | Jobs & Careers | Questions | Stupidity | Train | Posted 2009-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Know Whether To Laugh, Say "Awww....", Call DSS, Or Puke In My Mouth
Lady on cell: Just because she's wearing big-girl panties doesn't mean she's not your baby.
Target
Midwest City, Okahoma
Regardless, I Am Now Spearheading a Search for My Pants
Teacher: If I say "I put pants on today," it's very different than if I say "Perhaps I put pants on today."
High School
Falls Church, Virginia
Overheard by: amused student....
Sweetie, You're Not Even Wearing a Shirt Today.
Girl #1: For Halloween we should dress up as something we're not!
Girl #2: Then I'm going as a slut!
(other girls in the group stay silent and look awkward)
Girl #2: Bitches!
California
Categories: California | Clothes | Girls | Insults | Posted 2009-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See the Iron-On Label?
Mormon-looking hick teen: (holds up shirt and looks at his mother)
Hick mom: Gawd, no! That is Satan's shirt!
Wilmington, North Carolina
Overheard by: Amy
Categories: Clothes | Evil | Moms | North Carolina | Parenting | Religious fanatics | Teens | Posted 2009-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Asked If There Were Any Questions About the Midterm, Greta.
Girl: Do you ever feel like you have a feather in your pants?
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Clothes | Connecticut | Girls | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Paul Begins His Search for a Gardener.
Girl, surprised: A naked man??
Guy, after introspective pause: No...I prefer them in tights.
St. Paul, Minnesota
The Real Secret Behind Jared's Weight Loss.
Girl #1: I haven't kissed him in over a week because he has mono. But a couple days ago we went out to Subway, and then to my house to eat it and watch a movie. Well, he went home and I saw what I thought was my Subway cup, so I took a big swig out of it.
Girl #2: Oh, no!
Girl #1: Yeah, and I said "screw it!" and I just decided to make out with him, since I missed it so much. But I've been feeling a little crappy lately.
Girl #2: (stares)
Girl #1, thoughtfully: I hope I'm not getting sick. (pause) Oh, this shirt is cute!
UCCS
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Dazeys
...Without My French Maid Outfit On!
Man on cell: I can't dust your house today, I'm dusting Amanda's. (pause) No, I'm dusting yours tomorrow. (very long pause) Well, then I don't know why I'm carrying around this dust-rag, I feel silly!
7-Eleven
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Madeline
Categories: Clothes | Guys | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Texas | Posted 2009-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Keeps Telling Us He's Not Straight.
Woman on cell: Take him home in a straitjacket, or take him to the psych ward in a straitjacket...either way, he's not going to be happy.
Saratoga, California
Overheard by: Coffee shoppe caffeine junky
Categories: Advice | California | Clothes | Happiness | Mental illnesses | On the phone | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...After What Happened Last Time?
Sober sorostitute with heavy smoker's voice: Like o-m-g, I just decided on my Halloween costume!
Drunk sorostitute, stamping feet: Oh my god! What?! What what what?
Sober sorostitute: Wait for it...wait for it... Little ho peep!
Drunk sorostitute: Can we have sex with the little ho sheep?
Duke University
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: Disgusted
Categories: Animals | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | North Carolina | Questions | Sex | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Rare to Find a Young Man Who Thinks That Far Ahead
Five-year-old boy: Hey, I got an idea! Let's get naked!
Visiting adult friend: Yeah? And then what?
Five-year-old boy: We'll sit in the street!
Mason, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel
Tonight, on Mystery Quote Theater...
Girl #1: She defriended me!
Girl #2: Well, that explains the shoes.
Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Internet | Rhode Island | Words | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Didn't Start Out As a Skirt
Loud high school chick in back of the bus: Remember when Amanda was wearing that skirt and she farted? It sounded like she dropped a fucking bomb! Wheeee-boom! Everyone applauded, it was that fucking cool.
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: bitingontinfoil
Categories: Burping & farting | Canadia | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Memory lane | Students | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Fun and Flirty One
Guy #1: Yo, fathead! Going to prison is just a fact of life. Everybody goes at least once.
Guy #2: I know, man...I'm just gonna miss the daily hustle.
Guy #1: Like I said, you're not a man till you've worn a jumpsuit.
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Hannah H
Unfortunately, We've Lost Megan
Girl on cell to guy with glasses: Oh! Megan found your pants!
Guy with glasses, doing jazz hands: Yay!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: What...?
Never-- Thanks, Labia Clamps!
Woman to friend buying panties: So, are you sure these aren't the ones that will give you cameltoe?
Peoria, Arizona
Overheard by: Giggling cashier
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Clothes | Default | Offers and requests | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think You Need to Be Only in Your Panties to Fully Appreciate This Quote
Punk girl: For some reason, everything you do makes sense when you're in only your panties.
Purple-haired girl: I know, right? It makes sense to me too!
Tall greaser guy: In fact, it wouldn't make sense if you weren't only in your panties.
Bakersfield, California
Categories: California | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Punks | Questions | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sylvia's Whole Life Is a Word Problem
Annoyingly talkative woman: I got my pumpkin t-shirt at Old Navy eight years ago. I wear it every year. But I've only worn it... eight times!
Commuter Train
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: M@
Grim Reaper: "I Duck Into the Bathroom for Two Minutes..."
Flight attendant, after landing: If anyone left a black coat, please come to the front of the cabin to claim it. (pause) Or if anyone would like to take a black coat for free.
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Flight attendants | Florida | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When We Run Out Of Saran Wrap.
Roommate #1: Do you want to go clothes shopping for spring break?
Roommate #2, making disgusted face: I don't wear clothes on spring break.
Roommate #1: (long pause)
Roommate #2: I just wear a bathing suit.
University of Michigan, Ann Arbor
Overheard by: Roommate #3
You Bake Dogs?
Woman to friend: Is she aware that we have three Talbots and a dog bakery?
Princeton University
New Jersey
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Names | New Jersey | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Along With Everything I Learned in Grade School
Drunken girl #1: Ah, that tubby boy kissed me.
Drunken girl #2: Doesn't matter, just remember the rule.
Drunken girl #1: "We don't share"?
Drunken girl #2: No, the other rule.
Drunken girl #1: "Your dress can be as short as you like, as long as you're wearing stockings"?
Drunken girl #2: No. The "if you don't remember it, it didn't happen" rule.
Drunken girl #1: Oh, I'm forgetting it now, then.
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Australia | Clothes | Default | Drunks | Fashion | Girls | Memory lane | Politics | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Molded It Into the Shape Of a Little Man!
Girl #1: You know it really makes me sad that after all this time you still don't appreciate my art.
Girl #2: That isn't art, you found it in your underwear!
Amarillo, Texas
Tommy Was a Shoo-in for the Cast Of Jackass 2028
Enthusiastic two-year-old boy: Mommy, my bottom just burped!
Illinois
Overheard by: martha
...to Use the Proper Measurement Units.
50-something man to another: I got a bunion you could hang a hat off of.
Durand Eastman Golf Course
Rochester, New York
NewsFlash: Teen Sober. Film at 11.
Sober teen: The mall is, like, all about clothes now.
Towson, Maryland
Overheard by: Sven Johnson
Nothing Says Spring Like the Scent Of Ice Cream and Urine
Small boy with ice cream cone, trying to get mom's attention: I peed my pants! I peed my pants! Mommy, listen to me, I peed my pants!
Mom, deadpan: I bet that's real uncomfortable for you.
Dad to son: When we get home we are just gonna have to hose you down.
Son to dad: Oh yeah, make me lay on the yard and then spray the hose on me, and on my penis, and down my pants on my penis!
Boy's brother, from minivan: Ew! You can spell the pee!
Bucks County, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: free birth control
Who Will Punch Me in the Ovaries Regardless.
Drunk punk girl #1: Oh my god! Is that a raccoon? I think it's staring at me!
Drunk punk girl #2: That's a fuckin shirt, you retard.
Drunk punk girl #1: Well, if it bites me, I'm punching you in the ovaries!
Drunk punk girl #2, muttering: I need new friends.
Outside Bar
Niagara Falls, New York
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Clothes | Default | Drunks | Girls | New York | Offers and requests | Punks | Threats | Violence | Posted 2009-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was That Baby!
Three-year-old girl: Did you hear about the baby that ate shirts?
Three-year-old boy #1: Did you hear about the baby that ate hats?
Three-year-old boy #2: Did you hear about the baby that ate people?
Denver, Colorado
Just Like the Ad Promises!
Girl outside changing room: How are those other pants working for you, Jen?
Girl in changing room, frustrated: I feel like the devil himself crafted them to make a mockery of my ass.
Mall
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: almost broke a rib trying not to laugh
But All You Really Need Is Some Concealer and a Dream
Girl #1: So when is that thing you guys are doing?
Girl #2: Oh my god! You have to go! We're all going to get naked and walk around campus all day.
Girl #1: I honestly would, but I have tattoos in some really unconventional places.
Girl #2: Oh, I understand totally.
Chem Lab, William and Mary
Williamsburg, Virginia
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Tattoos | Virginia | Posted 2009-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See That Guy in the Tiny Daisy Dukes?
Teen girl to friend: Oh! I finally figured out whose pants I'm wearing.
Brantford
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Default | Friends | Girls | Memory lane | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Always Wanted a Boy.
Girl to friends: I've always wanted to dress up like Jesus... My grandmother would be so proud of me.
St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Jesus | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think I Took a Different San Francisco Tour
Girl to group of friends: And then he lifted up his skirt to reveal a fake vagina!
Comic Con
San Diego, California
Really Depends on the Bar
Guy on cell: I don't think we'll be in a bar, considering what we'll be wearing and that we'll be covered in feathers.
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Categories: Clothes | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | North Carolina | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Hold Still While I Affix This Muzzle
Little boy being pushed in cart: You smell!
Dad: No, you smell!
Little boy: No, you smell!
Dad: You smell!
(a little later)
Little boy: That was awful!
Dad: Only because you think it is.
Little boy: You're a sock!
Dad: Oh, I'm a sock now?
Little boy: A soooock!
Dad: No, you're a sock!
Whole Foods
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Kafrin
Then You Hunker Down in the Library and Study for Finals
Male student in campus center: So once you put on the wetsuit, you pee all over yourself. Then you're warm for the whole time!
Princeton University
New Jersey
Overheard by: excuse me?
Categories: Advice | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | New Jersey | Pee | Students | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're Foot-Shaped Holes in the Fabric Of the Universe!
Girl: Socks aren't socks.
Fort McMurray
Alberta
Canadia
I Really Need to Lose a Few Pounds
Guy: And then I was skipping down the street naked. I put my underpants back on after the girl realized that I wasn't wearing anything, though.
Portsmouth, Rhode Island
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Rhode Island | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Where
Guy #1: You walked back to your house naked last night?
Guy #2: Yeah, but I was wearing socks.
Arizona State University
Overheard by: Jayne
Categories: Arizona | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Questions | Posted 2009-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Those Who've Lost Theirs, We Offer Replacements for a Small Fee.
Male flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, we have finally arrived at a gate. Please make sure you have all your personal belongings before you disembark: iPods, cell phones, BlackBerrys, small pets, sweaters, sunglasses, and since we just came from Las Vegas, wedding rings. Make sure you get those back on folks.
Oakland Airport, California
Overheard by: kat
Categories: Airports & flights | California | Clothes | Default | Flight attendants | Gadgets | Guys | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, Some Shoes Aren't Virtuous-- Crocs? Wingtips?
Young gay man: Whereas, lacking the virtue of shoes, men must content themselves with being jerks.
Female friend: A poor consolation, and unfashionable.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Bethany
It Takes a Real Man to Wear Strawberry Shortcake Garments, Sir.
Scenester: I hate my life!
Random passer-by: You have cool socks, though.
Munich, Germany
Her Shirt Says "Jesus Is My Homeboy"
Fat drunk guy: I really like your shirt. It's very intellectual.
Girl: Uh, thanks.
Fat drunk guy: I mean, I'm in college, I like to think deep, you know? I want to make films. Deep films.
Girl: Yeah, that'll be cool.
Fat drunk guy: How old are you?
Girl: I'm 16.
Fat drunk guy: Oh, I'm 18. Well...I mean, I'm 23.
Shreveport, Louisiana
Overheard by: Elle
Categories: Age and ageing | Clothes | Compliments | Default | Drunks | Fat people | Girls | Guys | Louisiana | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Moving on to the Case Of Muffet V. Spider...
Father to son in stroller: Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall; Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; Humpty Dumpty hired a great lawyer; Humpty Dumpty sued the pants of the wall maker.
K Street
Washington, DC